9 months and 1 day at time ( I kept coming back) It does work if you work it!

4/14/08

The relity of my chapter and meeting discovery, I am a fruad, all of my life from age 5 when I knew about my Gender issues, and sexuallity I knew more about myself, and what i had to discover for my soul and enlightment and peace for myself.

I learned more about my iinterpersonal life, and skills. I have been a lier, cheater and its in my blood my mother had AA tendancys, my father is in AA 21+ years, My mom left my dad due to his drinking. My mothers OCD and resentments for my soul and enlightment for inner peace and spirtuallity

My grandmother and uncle and inaoity have tendancys. I hurt and hurt, and hurt and bleed from the haert, I wonder why me god, I also dont want to get fucked up. LR is correct in me not takeing my trip cross country and dirivng back, this is home even if I dont have home or ever feel at home.

I am so much like my mother, one of the photos I have of her, I also look a lot like her young pretty, but quiet and relaxed. I hurt and hurt, and bleed and bleed. My parents and enlightment for my soul and inner peace hurt badly, I know what I must do even if I didnt do it.

Oddcly enough I got missed and mamed a bit more, I also was told by someone else”dont you wish the city and police would do something with the homeless people” what I ask, you cant do much, the vast majority are chonicle drunks and dug addictis and nut jobs who dont want help or are relapseing.

Its not I think I am better its I think being a transgender lesbin and woman, I need more enlightment I am not better I just dont think I should center my life around being transgender, I want some degree of steleth. I talked to DLG about transpostrintg my truck to phonix, LAX or other points of intrests.

This morning upon awaking I noticed a ford f-150 with Texas Truck plates that has a harris county tax sticker. I also met someone here thats not sober that I used to drink with in various places Chances, Slick Willies, Fitzgerlads, Numbers, Rudyards, The Posion gir, the jet lounge, the engine room, 1415 california all in Houston.

I grew up and got sick and tired of the same old bullshit and insanity with my higher power and own personal ejsus christ, I look very young professional today, I hope to get this job at the department stores down town, maybe long term get to travel again, They are the disctrict office and cover California, Oregaon., Washington state, Texas, New Mexico, Arazona. I have high hopes, dreaps and faith in a higher power.

I also know I need to shut up more, and listen and yo ureach enlightment, I have a cursh as of late, I dont know what it is with irsh girls, russian girls, and euro girls, and also haspanic women. Blah, I have many chruchs but I am not read for such things

The homeless guy who pushed me down the esclatro and ran off in UN plaza, who harasses me, stalks me at various coffee shops aorund church, castro, mission and has groped me on MUNI and BART that was throughn out of our lady of safeway morming meeting who gangs up with he 2 friends, I am not going to be intimited.

I also have more and more for my soul, and enligitenment and inner peacer and spiruality, the faithful fools was ewnjoyable more recently. I also resisited temptation and shed tears of inssanity, anger, resentment ,a d lonelyness and resentment to self, based on actions in my dealings with indidualvisl, support groups, the GLBT community and expeccailly the Houston Transgender community.

I hurt and hurt and am sick and tired, I am still 27 years young, and in good health, some of my health issues are I am blemica and anroxnic at times, I have to force myself to eat sometimes, I cryed so hard yesterday. I also blled tears of lonelyness, resentment, pain and suffering.

I have not been geitng enough joy and lesaure, the skin peeling on my face worrys be dearly, they ruled out HIV again <>

I also enclose more about my enlightment for my self, and know more who I am as an indvivudal, and peace. I am very at peace with my soul, and inner womanhood.; Luanna is right the trip is a bad Idea, I need some r&r and rest a movie might be in order today.

I admit I am scared shitless, I would rather die, than drink or go back to my insaity, I wonder about meds and being straight-edge vegan lifestyle. I wonder if a psyc dr pescribes it is it wrong, If i need it to live a normal productive life, they are tyring to adjust things and get me help. I do ok with my PTSD with good biofeedback and medation.\

I had a discharge from my chest a bit today, and my back hurts, my body hurts, its burr cold, and the interview and work might be well rewarded. I also know an SRO, residance hotel, or otjher things despie being down on my luck, the economy being hard, I ams till somewhat more conseroitve given my upbringing.

Furthermore, I miss the Church of Jesus Christ, of Latter Day Saints. I miss the feelwship, I made an attempt to contact the bishiop and more, I keep reacing further rnlightment for my soul and innner peace.

Myself, I had good nights sleep and rested well last night, I am awake I ate some (gasp) junk food today and meat, given when I was a young 20s club girl, I got addicted to jack in the box tacos, and well yum for 99 cents and a diet coke thats entertainment and creams my yummy button.

The relaity of my interpersonal development and innet personal peace for my self, and what I need to further development of the interpersonal reality and self- awakeing foi myself anmd enlightment for my life and what I need to develop for my self and enlightment.

The further chapter to my own conseritve views, and indpeance and lack of comfot both physcall and mental and my enlightment for my soul, and enteratin ment for myselof and inner peace.

I had the degenratioin of society and what, i need for myself, the disgusting idots who reak of booze, and can not keep up with my intlect, I am to prety and smart to settle for less, or I would rather die alone.

Given the uncertainity of mylife, and fuiture, and the constant struggle with depression, PTSD (post trumatic stress disroder) and Sucide. I hurt, I hurt knwoing what I had a friend, a job, and a futre flushed down the toilet. I dont know whats wrong, or how to stop, I just know how to get rhough today, one day at a time.

I want more for myself, and enlightment for my inner peace and work for myself, I updated the web server a bit today, and plan to rest after the interview and life and future for myslef, I get sidetracked.

I am scared, lonely, tired, unry andf sick and a stubborn suck up barbie, and Lowered the bottom to humble myself and remember the past, look though today, and work hard for a proud, productive, sucessful rebirth;

I am scared of life and lviing, and being alive , but also am greaftul for my soberity, life, fuutre, beauty and brains.

The other factor of myself and working toward a brighter and better future is well, life and life it self, is good for the most part, it just takes time, one day at time. I keep coming back.

I am me, leemcg and need fun, rest and also some work and play, maybe I should reward myself, and stick things out I was in two fedrial disaster countys and zip codes, I have other things the womens shelter, friends and other things work well, I stick it out for better or worse, keeping faithful for a future or possible future, I want it all or nothing, i want life and enlightment for myself, and what i need for me.

I am ashamed of my past, my friends and familys trans-phobia. I hrut and suffered for years, I tried to be someone I wasnt I dont know anymore, I hagve to rebrith and also in recovery of my drinking problem, I have 9 months and 1 day sober, and thtas something to be fucking proud of myself, pat myself on the back, kick off my shoes and relax, be good for me for once.\

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

04/09/08

MUNI was slow today, due to the rail slow-down, today I had lots of VEGAN black bean soup and salad and VEGAN pepper-corn bread. I also had a smoothie as well. I went to a meeting and fellowshipped with other insanity to keep us sane and grateful.

I composed some info on my site, turned in a release form to the womens clinic. I also composed a few other options, coded and backed up some of my site, I took care of some banking and finance issues, and composed more info. I have to pick up my student ID in a few weeks as well.

I coded more of my site, and started with my forums a bit. I composed more and more, today, and did some walking, I made a stop at COSTCO as well, and have a few stops tonight, after my meeting and other factors as well. I also looked at a few places, and made further preparations for my trip, drive and other issues.

I also have to mail some forms to the IRS, DPS AND A few other issues, meet with my legal counsel regarding some dark chapters in Texas, and resentments, get forms for TSA officials and my flight, and a few other issues. After My student ID and the loans and application process I should have a large quantity of my stress relived.

Some of my gratitude got the best of me, I reacted in-appropriately more recently, to a action of a non sober person on market street, and I did some thing naughty only between my higher power and I shall tell. I composed a few other misc, letters and sent a few cards out, cleaned out junk, and wrote more code.

I also reloaded my MP3 player, made arrangements to close some dark finical chapters as well, and move forward, I admit I am afraid but I don't have to be.

tell. I composed a few other misc, letters and sent a few cards out, cleaned out junk, and wrote more code.

I also reloaded my MP3 player, made arrangements to close some dark finical chapters as well, and move forward, I admit I am afraid but I don't have to be.

I ALSO ran into some missionary today, and some members of the LDS church on the muni streetcar today and the underground muni Line, I had a rough day due to the infamous Olympic tour, which was not the end of law & order in San Francisco as predicted, and Liberty and justice for all was preserved, and anarchy was not starter nor was world war III.

Today was pretty much Like I like it these days, stress and dramma free, and peaceful and uneventful.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Keep coming back, progress not prefection one day at a time

04/05/08

The reality of my life and chapter to my own gnostic and self discovery and awareness, is the fact I know more about myself than I ever did before, I learned more and more about life myself, and where and who and what I am as an individual, I know more now than I knew before, I know who I am, and where and what I am as a person and where I want to be in life, I know more about myself I also know more about my interpersonal life.

I am feeling good I have a meeting planned this morning, I am hurting as of late, I have laundry on the agenda, after My early morning meeting this morning, I am, tired of more and more of what I do, and need to for myself and what must be done for my soul, and what I need to do for myself, I am tried of hurting folks sometimes are nasty to me, and I understand more about myself. I want more for my soul. I hurt my body is falling apart in the cold.

I miss my family and other folks, I hurt more and more for my soul, I also hurt more knowing what I must do, for my soul. I also remember what I must do for myself, and life and enlightenment. I also remeber stupid things I did before, and in Houston. My biggest resentment is myself, and actions. I hurt often but I look forward with high hopes and optimism for myself and interpersonal growth.

I started composing some letters I need to send to Houston (4^th step) . I walked away, its the most adult thing I ever did my whole, Life, i felt unloved and alone there much as I do there, but I don't burn bridges here, I don't know why I hurt, I am smart, I also have a crush that I don't think would happen.

I discovered some more trans-phobia today when enjoying coffee more recently, some folks are nice to me, others are assholes, bitches and etc. I also just feel wok, The meetings make me feel better, i went to the doc on Thursday and talked about Christan and said the Prozac made my PTSD and depression worse, I hurt more and more. I also ran into a friend of mine recently, I am afraid of taking my trip soon as well, I feel overloaded more and more for my soul.

I push myself, hard, I have a plan to reach of enlightenment. I am a bit fearful of my trip, and angry of life and what I am as a person, progress not perfection, I wish I could share parts of my plan, but sometimes you have to make drastic choices during drastic measures. Maybe I will figure it out later today. I'm tried of this body, I'm tired of the physical and emotional pain, my health is in decline. And I am tried of hurting because I made others suffer. I was wrong and I have a plan to do some right with awareness, it might bring shame, but I would get my 15 seconds of shame. And make the history books, or at least contribute something more meaningful to the world awareness, fighting trans-phobia, and drawing attention to our cause.

I don't like the vigilantism spirit, or the pain, but on the other hand,. I need to vent and bitch the world wide web, at least maybe folks understand me or want to grow further in my faith and higher power\

The other factor is more of myself and reaching further enlightment for my inner soul and actions for myself. I know more for who and what I am as an individual and what Needs to be done for me, the path to progress not prefection, eating, resting, and remebering to access and think and use the 12-steps when angey or lonely and go to a meeting, and be honest and ask for help and admit defeat when I need to.

Regardless today I am greatful to have gone out with folks thismoring, to have a warm bed, a roof over my head, be sober, and well fed, and going to meetings I enjjoyed chapter 13 of the first edtion of the big book 4^th edtion, I keep comeing back it works!

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

4/3/08- The reality of my life, and chapter to my own interpersonal struggles, Yesterday I bitched out someone in my left and right brain, and have a resenement toward that though nothing near as bad as prior transgressions against other trans in Houston, however some trans-folk here don't act or have the mannerism, maybe I am overly judgmental bitch.

The the other part, of myself, the The reality of my life, and progress to perfection to myself. I also know more of where I am and who I am and where I like to go. And know who I am as a individual. The reality is I also know more for myself, and who I am. I found today is productive I slept late, and took a really hot shower this morning, my back is not achieving as bad. I also have therapy today, and had fun at the collage yesterday as well.

I progressed more and more into enlightenment for myself, life and fear of the unknown, and my life. I also know more about my progress and how far I have come, I have grwadlully started to overcome my fear of law enforcement, security guards, medical detectors, being searched, strangers, being honest with myself and others, and life and fear of the unknown, and fear of life it self, and also knowing more of fear of being in subway cars, transit cars ( I was sexually assaulted in a cargo container) \\

I hurt so bad, and it feels librirtaing to be honest with other folks about my prior bad transgressions to others and resentments. I also know more about life and fear itself. I am afraid of many things, people, places and things, I am afraid of much of who, what and where I am and how I got there.

I also know more about who I am as an in didvudal and my own interpersonal skills, feelings and rational and reaction fears, of things that might happen, people, places, and things that could happen. I need to stop being drunk on myself. I had a most enjoyable meeting today, which some things were shared that made me smile.

I also know more about my fear and insecurity of who and what and where I am as a person. I know more about my personally and inner woman. I know more about optimism, and fear of others. I also need to lay low for a while.

I also know more about life and fear of the unknown and life it self, I know more about who I am as a person and individual and personally, progress not perfection in my own. Chapter to my own skills, and gnostic and interpersonal life and skills. I know more about myself, the only thing to fear is faceting your reality of your own fog, and life you did and messed up yourself.

I have debits, resentments to people palcesand things, Like a typical lazy American, I could declare bankruptcy, or I could be honest, and pay my debits off slowly and make settlements with poor choices I made during my years of binge drinking. Which is very much so on my list. I fucked up my life and now I pay the concqunces.

I am afraid of myself, and more afraid of going back out, that's why I go to meeting daily and admit faults to my own personal problems and issues, and be women enough to face the pain, I am strong, indpedant, outgoing, assertive and selfish and do what I what I want, when I want and how I want, I lost some of my mangaableity but I get it back

I also know more the only thing to fear is life it self, I made bad choices and pay the concqunces, progress not perfection, and being honest with myself and others, The reality of what I need to do, the

The reality of my soul and interpersonal failures and reality

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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-

Monday, March 31, 2008

I know why I hurt so bad, I hurt because all of my life I have pretned to be someone I wasnt, I bought my happyness, I gave up in depression, and I resent what I threw away, so many folks and people are in jail, prison or hosptials or instutions due to drinking, and drugs or worse, and self-destrucive qactions they fuck around with someone until it gets the worst of them down and down they go, rice round like a record baby.

I spoke to a friend of Bill Wilsons whom convicned me, and my current person who is guideing me wants me to go to a meeting a day write down what I learned or sturck me, more recently for employers, I was ready to jump off the building just as such, I had enough and wanted help, I currently have the pleasure of being of service, of someone whom there is a attraction, but I learn to respect bounderies, and draw the line, I want her to get it, or reach out and get help. I hope she went to a meeting this moring today, I hope other things work out well, and good enough, My back hurts today, this moring was burr cold. I awoke at 2 am, was out the bed a 3 showered till 4 and got dressed and did my hygine and face. My back really hurts, I also am looking at housing and other factors more so.

I got sober enough and had my spirtual awakeing when I was in Houston when I paid my debit to society, of my drinking was a problem, but I thought I wasnt an drunk enough, the realy is the crackhead and junkie on skid row in san francisco, and I have one thing in common, I want insity and reciver and my life had not hit that far of a bottem (yet) and I have something they dont an awakeing, soberity and a program and life again.

I understood somewhat I could for my program no longer reside in houston, when school, and if the interview goes well tommroow, I might come home early or late ndue to working retail xmass is very busy. And drive back, I dont plan to stay or visit housotn and if I do, I am going to be there berifly to access my sotrage unit and get out, I hurt to bad and need to work with my current wonderful therpsit whom has been workjing with transgenders seince 1978 and is very nice, and has much expereance with this, whom I shared the pain and fucked up resentment I have toward christan williams, phyllis frye, and lilly roddy. I hurt day and day out for my past transgressions. But I must hide the pain and move on, san francisco rocks, its expeceive as fuck, but the politcla climite comparetd to southeren GLBT “affirming citys: is far and byound while comforting it scares the shit out of me bheing so open and not what I am used to.

The nightmares, have gone away for the most part, the dreams of being raped, abused, and pounched has been bad and byound and I reached my level of spirtuality, I also quit the prozac, per my docotrs request it had me fucked up, when I go to the ear docotr to see about my health issues, I might learn more and the doc thinks it might be a ear or sinus infection in the inneer ear, I ate some meat recently and had some salty popcorn, my blood pressure, and sugar and health is returning a bit more to n9ormal, or is anything nornmal anymore

I talked to the folks, did laundry this mroing, lunch is on the menu before my interview later this week, I am well rested and my back hurts. My health is improveing, and dinner is also on the adgenda as well it appers also. It also amazes me the amount of trans-women and trans-men who are in soc8ity ehre and the more accepting women and womens groups and resocures, my own transphobia is disowneing it-self. I also have witnessed some disgusting trans-women whom I resent, more recently I was commented on at a womens group, that I am so pretty and lady like in acting and expression and allways chee3rful, that I give away the steor type, about transexuals, and transgenres this comes from a professional that works with women and the GLBT community a s a whole, but back to the moral of the story, I saw one who bitches and complains and does drugs and drinks (sometimes) get up and pee like a man in the morning, Ive even had some women be unaware I am trans, or such.

Not that I am trying to fool anyone, I allways was a woman form the date I was born in Jan 1981, I was just born with a womans brain and male parts. I which I had more nlightment and udnerstanding, maybe taling about the pain and my own transphobia helps me as a soul. I am feeling better and looking forward to going and getting them tiger, with love Lee.

I plan to tank up on veggy soup today as well on my path to enlightment and self empowerment for my heart, mind body and soul. I reach truth, one day ata time I keep coming back I know it works.

-
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, March 30, 2008

The turth of my life, is what I need to do for enlightment and my inner child and bitch I must keep under lock and key and enlightment, for my soul and life and who I am as a woman. I feel my father poteryed me, and resent him and my mother as well. I called and did some step work but I need some time alone right now to sort things out.

I have a job interview this week downtown in un plaza, at the infomous torust strap shopping centers, I also have an apointment next week at the collage and other factors that are upbringing as well, as uplifting. I also have to make a drs apointment to find out why I am dizzy., church is on the adgenda this morning, I ranv into my friend in the program whom there is a mututial attarction ebttween her and I, but she went back out, she was still wastered as usual during a relapse, I do want to work with her, more for my soul, and reach enlightment for my inner child, and discover more about myself and keep my inner, bitch under control and maintain a inner balance for my inner child.

I also have some laundry to do tommroow, as well as work out some logisitcs and rest today, after all it is the sabith day or sorts. I talked to RAP some yesterday, I also went running down to the marina district from market street in about an hour and back, I got a good workout, My back is hurting, and but fitness is importint to my soberity,. I went to a ealry moring meeting this morning at 1^st place, I also reached further elightment.

I was hit on again this morning more, and reached more enlightmnet for my soul and inner child, for my inner peace for my soul and reaching enlightment for my soul and discovered more about my self, and inner child.

The truth is the enlightment I felt for my life and reached my inner child for my soul and inner peace, keeping my anger, desire, and resentment at bay and maintaing metanl, physcuial, emotional and balance and disipline. I am greatful to be here, but I know I am just in light with the dunk and fallen souls who perrished and continue to drink, and abuse and use on the streets and skid row of san francisco.

I came here for a fresh start, high hopes and roughing it for enlightment and inner peace where no one would be so overjudmental, my hurt and pain, simualr to chirstans awakeing, and my resenement toward her, yesterday at the early morning meating at “our lady of safeway” we red one of my favorituv chapters in the big book “for employers” it makes me feel well understood in my heart, mind, body and soul.

This morning I witnessed a disgusting unlady like transgender, use the ladys room like a man, that makes it harder for true transexuals, intersexed, and transgenders to make it, maybe I am just being to true to myself a real bitch. But at least as long as I keep my bitchness under wraps, disipline, and control I can keep my own personal jesus in order to reach enlightment, for my soul and inner child. I know more what I know now, the Bitch must stop.

Myself, personally I discovered more about my soul, and inner bitch more and more, as I reach enlightmnet for my soul. I dsicover more about myself, and innder child and woman within.

I need to lsiten, more talk less, ponder, pray and be more alantical and speek when the moment is right, and shut up otherwise. I get it intlectually, but have trouble applying, it as sheryal crow would say I change would do you good, which in this matter is correct.

I have some parts of my site I need to rework, I also have another blog I am developing that is for my road trips and adventures, in my pick em' up truck. And a few other factors. I hurt, and hurt so bad, and dream of not hurting anymore, I want more and more to reach enlighment, and my inner child. I dont know anymore, except that I want life, I want to choose life, I want something more or I think I do anyway, I am tried and sick and tired of hurting again and again.

Folks are wrong, and mean and rude, I also hurt more and more for my soul, and reached enlighment for my inner child I want more about my soul in to something I dont understand, I miss my friends, I feel so alone and icolated, But I have fellowship in the meetings, Most folks I found dont have any hope, I try to keep my hopes up for enlightment, I run on, day to day.

I also want more for my soul, and reahing, maybe I dont allways work my program as well as I should or allow myself to, I need to push myself more to reach enlightment for my soul, and inner child. I want to let go more, and more, as billy idol would say I want more, more more, with a rebel yell. I hurt more and more.

Maybe I just want to say, I get it , sort of one day at a time, lviing in the moment, being powerless over other people, places, and things and most defentaly drinking, and remering hungry angry, tired, lonely. I admit I am afraid scared shitless, that I will wind up as garbage on the cesspool of skid row of san francscio, thats why I go to meetings daily, to keep from getting the Fuck Its. I am tried and sick and fucking tired of drinking, not drinking and hurting more and more. I had to make a great deal of scracfice to make sure I get it, its the adult thing to do.

I took responcibilly and acountablity forn my actions, maybe I obtained some co-depedancy as of late, I need to get my ashe in 3^rd gear and overdive and superchage myself to success, some friends, aqwqunces dug me out ot the rut of a shithole. But I know the truth of my life and enlightment.

The truth is I know what and who I am as an indivdual for my soul, and inner peace. I had a spirtual experacne meeting my friend again, IO hope she stays sober and clean and stays on the path to enlightment and find innder peace as I have.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

life and thoughts in san francisco

Thursday, March 20, 2008

The truth is I was hurt, and hurt badly for what I know, and should have been, I am deeply in over my head, but I remain strong and proud and disciplined mentally and in spirit. I miss things, I received more bad news today as well as before, I took care of business and other affairs and matters.

I also know more about myself, life and fear, and who I am, I hurt for my past, but also opened it up, otherwise it will open me up. I resent what I did to others and in Texas, I resent what I had not done for myself, and lashing out, bitching and complaining, I miss things, I want what I once had.

But it feels better powerless, I learned to like the abuse, If I could not get it there, I got it elsewhere, san Francisco is a wonderful place of 800,000 nut jobs both left wing and right and insanity, but its home. I miss much of what I am and who I once was in my soul.

I ate well today, and am grateful for what I have, I am not fallen, or powerless but I have life, and freedom, liberty, and renewed drive, hope and a better future. I miss much of the past, but I left it behind. I want something more meaningful, all the things I under-stood and wanted was not for myself or my soul, and enlightenment is not always easily archived.

Furthermore, I know personally I am developing skills, life again and coping, the panic ends, and maybe just maybe I am getting better, Maybe I don't want the pain to end, I learned to distort reality, the pain and mind of those who have fallen facilitates me, But I want it to end, my life is starting to become better, in observation of my soul, inner woman, and child I reach more and more enlightenment for my soul

Myself, knowing more about others, web design, coding, photography, and wiring is in my blood as art, my mother had the gift, and I did also, I am so much like my mother even down to her hair, I miss my mom often, I wish she was here, I wonder if she approves of me, or my life, I think she does.

I think she was ashamed of somethings, but I made bad choices, learned a lot about myself in Texas and got sober long enough to learn to move on and forward I think.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Life sober 7 months- san francisco, and my program life and keeping the bitch swtich off!

read the helpful chapters in the big book, and the 1^st chapter of the 12 and 12. why don't we start meeting at the church on church street the meeting you suggested its not that far from the Alano club?

I also uploaded some photos I took around san Francisco to my photo bucket, and my blog I update. I hope to see you at queers, crackpots and fallen women today.

I feel a bit better today. And I am sort of admireing but in the evil way of someone else, and Ill talk to you about that a bit later

Off to a meeting soon and to do laundry and take care of some banking and maybe shoe shopping. I also have a few appointments later in the week plus other tasks at hand. Slept a bit better Ive been awakening and out the door around 3am or 4am PST- Texans get up early thats the equal of wakening up at 5 or 6 am Texas time and the Sun will be out.

I miss Texas sort of, I wish I had not become so insane, with my thinking, acting, doing and not doing. But thats a resentment re living the past, and something that was discussed in a meeting I went to. Have as morning glbt meeting in Castro and have a commitment for a womens and queer meeting tonight.

Also have other factors, and things and tasks I must archive to make enlightenment. My sponsor is wonderful and I am grateful for her, live, being alive, and having my drive, and getting out of my own pity party and shame, and well shallow pity.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

Life soberity, and progress

02/07/08

Today was nor Hit nor miss, the reality of my own insanity and chapter to my gnostic, I made some progress, I made some progress with the postal issue, mailing some documents and tasks for the week and weekend I also discovered more about life myself and my own program and self discovery.

Watched a documentary today on history of the aids virus and outcome. I also discovered some folks, myself and family members and more flashbacks. And understand what its like to remember and in resentment.

Ive been having flashbacks to myself, childhood and also hurting off and on my life

02/08/08

Some bitch is bothering me I have a stalker in SFO. Darn it not the fuck again, but I delt with it and let someone know, I think she is harmless just some pot head, who is obsessed with me, and that. Today on the way to the doctors appointment which I will not disclose the location and area due to my stalker doesn't know all of my hangouts and places.

Its a crazy X that we used to date (for a half a day than we broke up) who is a pot head and drinks and uses drugs. And is verbally abusive to me, and had kicked me and threatened me with harm, I'm going to discuss it with someone, and already did with another who is also trans gender but pretty abusive and arrgoient much as I used to be in Houston.

In other news, I had some guy hit on me again today on MUNI and say he dates Trans genders and wants to buy me a drink but doesn't know I'm clean and sober, sorry geezer, if I had a winning mega millions jackpot for every time this happened Id be rich.

I also saw on the news this morning they have a groper and MUNI assaults are up on women, I had been groped once or twice on a muni rail and bart, people are disgusting and rude, and have seen it before.

Shoes are on the agenda this weekend, Ive been able to cut down on my sweaters, and jackets and layer up a bit, due to the warmer weather except in the early morning. I saw another SUV with Utah Tags yesterday, and today saw a crossover awd from Montana, and also saw a f-350 with Texas truck on it.

Have an appointment with my threpsit who is also transgender and transitioned today, its a 1^st appointment with her and I think It might work out much as Melanie Morrison at MCC.

I also talked to a few other folks and next week have a appointment with one of the area collages Transgender Leiason Officer, ive thought subsatnce abuse conucling isnt for me. I want something rolling in the cash and I am still young enough to go to collage a Computer science at a 2 year collage and than a 4 year collage seems appealing or computer information systems and maybe an A+ cert, I want something at home quit and predictable where I can telecommute and write code at my space, maybe even work late at night.

Google and some other tech comp nays are expanding into the bay area for diversity in hireling, apple etc also, Had a retail interview recently, and also applied for a few other places ( I have a stalker that reads my log until some things change and I don't have to be around this person as much, and at which time I will seek legal action with the police. Which I spoke to a friend who's nice the GLBT folks shes a nice officer that helped me out when someone was bothering me, before and shes friends with a friend of mine.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

Life and the prusuit of hapyness and zen in (SFO)

01/29/08

I took some photos this morning, I am looking ok. It hurts so bad, today at the food stamp, and ga office and being unable to reach the disibilliy advcay group today. Its burr cold, I appricate sweaters and mittens and gloves. I need to go shoe shopping soon for something new, I also spoke to the grandmother and uncle today.

The trust and realtes items, are hurting more and more and again keeping me from getting help and services. I also my grnadmother today, told me I chose this thats wrong, I came here for help, to start over someplace less transphobic, and somepalce safe where I can use the bathroom most of my speeding tickets in houston were from being unable to use the proper restroom.

I took some photos today, this morning at the womens shelter and also met some but not much transphobia when I go out for services, I have had other lesbian ggs hit on me, blah. Im hurting, my back hurts, maybe its the hrt why I am so utterly depressed and the remnats of the cold, flu / food posioning or whatever.

Im tired of hruiting and dont want to drink or use, Im sick of it, today in front of the food stamp office I saw a drug deal go down, and someone using. I wish folks could have what I have, met someone who has 6 months and is 3 days away from my 07/13/2007

I got a bit done its rough here, talked to my aunt a bit. Im all alone it feels sometimes good thing about the tg group and clinic tonight, maybe Ill feel better out the cold.

I went to the soup kichen today and had 3 bowls of soup, 2 plates of salad, and 4 oranages, and a few slices of sourdough.

Its better than the usual shit hole, the only thing is this kitchen is and service place is pretty transphiboic, on some of the eveents it says its restricted to “genetic” women or women born women.

The LDS phrofit died, the 13^th in the history of the church, I wonder if Tohmas S Monson will repalce such, I think some of the church leadership accepts us or is devied amongst its own transphobia just as with blacks with the preisthood.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

Life IN the bay of happyness

01/27/08

Monday is open trans thrive is closed until wed this week, shelter is ok, have to renew on Tuesday have an appointment at the GA and Food stamp office, wed the trans gender employment empowerment committee has a meeting at the glbt center.

Found a nice coffee shop sort of close by, also did some reading this weekend at the public library which is from trans men or other folks dangerous by the security forces for trans gender folks, and confusion. The cops shot some nut job today homeless who pulled a knife, they have been nice to me, given I am clean, sober, and staying out of trouble and trying to better myself the officers have been very kind to me, and helpful and followed up.

Its rough here but the affirmation and progress slow and steady is worth it, the disibilliy advocacy group and life is moving along Monday or Tuesday I should have food stamps and can go to safe way to get bread and some fruit for my vegan diet, the folks from the UU church were nice to me, went out to this middle eastern veggy restraint and ate ok, and for 4 bucks for my share was ok. Met some cool lesbian girls who were nice, and some other lib rial minded straight folks, who were nice, have some folks to watch the L word with later.

I admit I am lonely, went to the marina dock today and the Alano club, have a commitment tomorrow to meet my sponsor for queers crackpots and fallen women at the Alano club in the bay area, slept good, and still working hard to move on.

Ive grown to appreciate soup, sweaters, mittens, scarves, hats, beanies, and stockings and comfortable shoes for going up hills. The 6^th approach and can tie into services at a program and Tuesday can follow up with Taylor at tarc, found a hotel and place I like once my divisibility rolls in and I can go to city collage for a training program and applied for employment and empowerment, applied at the gap, and American apperial. For back room and a stock girl.

In other news, did a bunch of walking today, and my doctor is wonderful, filled my scripts yesterday, and admitted powerless over my problems, it saddens me to see so many folks who gave up hope here, and the confusion and panic that exists amongst those strung out on pot, or folks walking down the street smoking a joint, and cops don't care. The drug culture here is well very strong.

I wish others could have what I have, I wish those I encounter and I did meet another lady at a shelter that wants what I have, and is in a simulr situation and is sober, but never used or drank, but doesn't use. The vast majority need help and don't want it, I want a better future self-supporting, others don't in the wasteland, thats why the cops I think are nice to me, I am nice to them, calm and collected trying to make it in a world. And honest about my past, and misdemeanors, and not causing trouble. They treat me with respect.

01/28/08

Talked to MLS a bit last night, have a TG support meeting later, and other things to do, Might go hang out with my friend later in the building I plan to move into soon as well. Ate some cookies this morning and had coffee, watched others around me in insanity, hung out a bit in the Castro last night with some coffee, have my TG support meeting, renewed my housing, and have an appointment Tuesday at the food stamp office. Have a hotel in mind thats a bit nicer than the run of the mill crackpots, has a bathroom and shower in room, as well as a community room with a computer and direct tv which they get the LOGO channel, and showtime and hbo. So the L word, queer as folk etc are rocking there plus my friend lives there two thats also clean and sober and TG and awesome as well.

The drop in center is open later this week on wed, a shower is nice, have to do to laundry, and socks, my friend might have a pair of flats for me, and I have other things to work out and push for my appointments life, and future.

I also have to meet with my sponsor today, and go to queers crackpots and fallen woemn, and enjoyed the marina dock, and alano club, and had fun at the MCC and keep comeing back

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

12/25/07

Had a amusing day today, took photos out on Galveston island, went to a meeting or two. Have these feelings and emotions and weird things, it was the first time I drove on a freeway, and on hills in a long time. I also had some fuck heads mess with me on 45 near the south sam Houston toll way fuck with me flip me off and say a bunch of obscenity and verbally taunt me, and I walked away from it on my way down there.

I found some sea shells, and part of a coral which amused me, a very hard peace of a reef in the foam and surf side, ate good arrived back in Houston around 2pm, and ate left leftovers from labma, had more meemories of my mother, others and things from the past.

Also remembered more of my life, and grew more, was scared shit less I don't like driving anymore, the freeways and those that drive from Galveston to Houston or from clear lake, weber, frendswood, pearland, league city etc are insane.

I keep my mind busy and jogged around Galveston island and ran around the sea wall and went running. Its better than self-termination or a Remington shotgun to the head, in a abandoned building, or jumping 20 floors to my death and blood splattered over the ground.

I also did not see many or much law enforcement today, on my time on the island, I only saw one Galveston county sheriff on the area. Doing a traffic stop close to the Harris county line (half way) in

I also passed and mucked around Tiki Island a bit. And had to use the 4x4 nice having a Baja Pickup Truck. I want my peace, and love of life and optimism again, and the resentments and insanity to end, self termination inst a option , nor is drinking, I'm not sure.

I think my time is coming in closer and close somewhat of sorts I don't know why, I had a spiritual experience to myself, I had peace I occupied my pain and learned I cant handle change or a road trip or insanity or much else. I don't know what I do not want to be mind fucked.

Maybe admitting defeat to the insanity is good, maybe the end isn't so near, maybe just the beginning But I already Knew that, It scared the shit out me, my neighbor was drinking, I have a nose for a drunk and stupidity

The other factor is I also have more and more and grew myself, I know what I must dod even if I have not done, it I have zen even though its not pleasant I have enlightenment sort of I think one day at a time I go back in time, I remember now and remembered painful, things I don't want to remember but I did, reality is a bitch, so I deal with it, I just don't talk about it, I cope sort of, I have to love myself, live breathe in passion, love and joy again I hope anyway, I hope to live another day in spirit again, I hope to breathe in passion sort of. I'm going to get an eye exam also soon.

I slept good and last night went to a al-at hon at a 24 hour club, and met some young folks under 18 aa members and under 21 who already fucked them selves up and had some juvenile probation and Juvenile Department of corrections kids there.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

12/03/07

As of late my teachings of buddism and studys I shall take a day this week to rest study and not have any contact to bring me closer to a higher power this week. I shall be alive and well but only be in spirt and enlightment for a bit of a time Please keep me in your hearts minds and body and soul.

In other news, the idot maybe got the message tonight, and someone else also learned more. I also have a crush or two and have grown more and more and more. I want nice things, I want peace, joy and love but am bedazzled as to how to do this, or higher power or faith maybe this will.

In other news check out the last concert cafe and other points I bring to speak more and more,

Go around here to there, and mind over matter. Just Do it.

I have some items I am working on, and turing to phone off and disconneting for the world for 24 hours to bring peace, I chose the learn the real world and my true self. And the next direction into inner peace. And I shall not panic.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

My life and day and night and neon and chome in space city

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Had a good cafe au leit today. Later during the week if the cold keeps up given I am more stuffed than the turkey I ate, and I am usually vegan. Though the irony of addiction and food and the holidays, we have ice and sleet on the road.

Talked to the folks today, cut my phone off. Did not charge it last night and now it is chagrining more, and I am in the loop of always being connected. If you called I did not get the message.

In other news, baby its cold. Outside, I might go later in the week. I cant seem to find my gloves or ski mask. I need to stay warm. That apartment is like a meat locker. Tired form dancing last night and working, I hustled the bar at the hotel and convention last night. And had a blast.

Called home today, fired up the pickup truck. I'm going to have to do something I do not want to. And will do it. I have to call the atty Monday, go to see MM on Monday, and do other tasks as well and have much to commit to. I have much to do. I have a task at hand. I also have to get the paper work turned in Tuesday and go where I do not want to go.

I have a few strings, and clarity. The bar downstairs thats wet I have drank at the hotel bar, at the double tree. And also hustled the tunnels and know some of the guards around town. I slept good but its cold, that old montrose apartment gets like a fucking meat locker.

Have to take my pick em' up truck to the shop soon to get fixed and maintenance take care of affairs before reentering the workforce and going back to progression, and archive inner zen. Had some struggles even though this gloomy wet weather I enjoy, Its not good when you are hurting inside but I love the cold, rain, ice, snow I love cool damp weather. It rocks. And that is why I drive a 4x4 pickup truck because I like the cold, and wet and adventure.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

life

11/21/07

My life and feelings of depression and utter pain have grown more and more, the pain of being someone I am not living a lie, the bullshit, lies and drinking my way to zen. The nasty horrible things, I hurt to turn over to a god, there is no god. Why would god put me through this, why would I suffer. Not for pity, why would god have me born wrong, I accept it but don't accept the crap I did, I hurt every day for sins I committed, I chose to try and find peace again. I don't know why, I did these things. Today at the post office some of the documents I ordered showed up. Flashbacks of dreams and other things bad choices and nasty things I did to others are coming back more and more. I am remembering more and more and wrongs I committed to others and myself and bad things I did.

Its hard to forgive myself, some days I want to crawl in a hole to hie and die, I suffer so badly for nasty things I did, I want to run so far away, the blackouts, bad choices, and sins against other glbt folks and transgenders are utter poison and agony, the utter clarity is horrid. But I chose to get better or go camping and alas never return. Jumping ship from Houston to root elsewhere is not unrealistic or impossible, but I don't feel a need to broadcast it when I do,I know when the time will show up.

The holidays suck to be alone, single, and at odd and at a crossroads. The life I lived, bad choices I made I am angry at myself, and the pain. But I move on. I don't know where I will go but I am grateful to be sober, even sitting here at the coffee shop at Catlaina next to the dark horse tarven another place is painful and utter agony but I make it.

I know I am alive because someone maybe my mom, god or some goddess kept me alive, I should be shot many times dead, blacked out or overdosed in my apartment, I have clarity and want life to feel the lost self inside and I struggle to rediscover my old self, accept it again and live it. Sometimes I feel the agony is I lost is she died, and I die sober but that is not a option and unacceptable.

I know I will accept myself and love myself and move on away from the lone star state, (and the beer) also when the time is right, I will know and take action into doing and be.

Today the letter showed up, I went to the zoo, and I ate breakfast with my sponsor quavos rancheros was fucking awesome today, and ironically enough I saw someone else with a car just like hers younger and with the two stickers on the back as well.

I had someone offer me a drink today and I promptly and proudly refused, I also had someone sexually make pass at me in a crude and nasty way and told them where to go, (hell) but in a niced matter.

Blah Live in the moment, and not the dream or bullshit.I am grateful for being alive, having a wonderful sponsor and being in the moment, also the letter came today for the paperwork I need for the gold card and mostly filled out thats my task on Friday and get to shock my wonderful therapist (unless she checks my blog) this weekend with the awesome news,

I am afraid of rejection but hope things work out as I deep down know they will, I want help and am going to any heights to get it. I slept good last night asleept before 9PM and awoke at 5am back in bed and struggled after not sleeping for 2 days and have to set up and get the paperwork for the roundup this week

Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

life and progress and plans for the greatful

11/20/07

I know whats wrong with me, I like to be in control and right now I am not. I am a power lover, I like the idea and desire the idea of transitioning, but power, money, love and charity and I am selfish bitchy and sometimes have my fits.

I want power, control a good job again, overtime long hard hours, friends, faith, religion, a higher power, love, family, kids, a partner in crime. I hurt the holidays suck. I will never bitch at her again, nor will I bitch in front of her or others, really she is remarkable person, and I am jellious of her, and selfish power bitch I want to complain, and complain about her and that is rude and selfish, and very unladylike like to speak of.

I have been nasty the past few weeks, tonight I almost was arrested for using my own card at restraint I lost a card later found it and cut up the wrong card, and was detained for card fraud which after being handcuffed and questioned at one of Houston eating establishments was released, and paid my bill in cash after a short stint with a security guard and law enforcement. Which the card, was in my name, as the drivers license, and the truck also as well. I was cleared of any wrong dueing and did not break any laws given, I paid before I walked out while they tried to stall me.

I also remembered a flashback to 2 years ago recently, and more things that have been flashing back over and over, my brain is rebooting and growing more and more the reality is I am becoming myself. We made faith and amends, and peace and unity my next door, neighbor., the truth is we are different in some ways but in the same boat so to speak. I have a plan, fear and uncertainty. And progress is sometimes slow painful and hurting in thr mind, body soul.

My issues are real and I am a wonderful person and I grow more and more into my inner self, and awareness and accepting of my mind, body, heart and soul. I blew away so much in the past, and must live in the present, and not in a moment far, far away on the death star.

Regardless, I need to quit being miss prissy bitch and move the fuck on and don't get into issues and things that don't fucking concern me, and mind my own fucking business, at the moment. I need to let, go, and grow forward and move head. And try to live long and prosper into myself, soul and the mind body and spirit.

I have much to learn and am a baby, and much to do and some step work and to grow. And while I did not sleep much, kept my commitments to therapy today, keep my commitments to my sponsor today, and grow and live and learn, you live and learn for the past, present and future and history is a area of interest.

I am pretty fucking smart, beyond what I am I need to get my thumb out of my ass and continue to grow in mind, body, and spirit, I need to grow to live and learn. I need to free my mind further and expand in more and more into my inner soul and peace, I need to let go more and more into the inner true strange little lost girl inside, me. I need to find zen again, but to archive zen sober.

The truth is I work hard to grow and prosper as of late and have understood myself, life and love up above the truth of growth interpersonal and not. I know who, what I am and where I am and where I need to be in the moment to speak. More motivational.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

what I am greatful for in Houston, Texas and harris county

I am Grateful to have four (4) months sober Before the Holiday season.
I am grateful to have been given the gift of sleep last night, and
well rested and have awoken at 6am and went to the eyes wide shut
meeting
I am grateful to be alive, and not dead or in jail
I am grateful to have what I have, and let go of the pain


I am grateful for my sponsor and others around me
I am grateful for forgiveness
I am grateful for my wonderful therapist--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)