Monday, December 08, 2008
The reality of my sobriety, this morning was walking through the Castro before a meeting walked in on a smash and grab, san Francisco’s finest responded fast, and the tweaker was arrested and I was questioned, and found not involved with it.
Furthermore, the person I want to become. Is clearer, I desire to be less of an attention whore-ish, self centered-selfish bitch. And more charitable, kind and pleasant to be in the company thereof. The Houston Police Officer whom was gunned down was a nice officer, who let me go on a minor traffic ticket once.
Spoke to ray hill who saw milk again. I also have been talking with sponsor whom grew up in Houston, Texas. And knows some folks that I am still on speaking terms with. I got tired of being alone, and was able to achive more here than I was in Houston, yet still feel home sick for the lone star state.
Moreover, I think my resentment toward christen, guilt and shame is best dealt with by staying away, The reality as it stands is I am unwelcome and need to back down, I don’t always have to be right and need to learn to practice these principles in all my affairs.
I installed some new php, sql and other code to the server, I also backed up files today. I also have to send some documents to the insurance company, applied for a new apartment today. I also attempted to call in to my sponsor. I went to orphan Andy’s this morning for coffee.
Furthermore I updated and am working on leemcg.com and leighmcinnisgaetjens.com as well. I also backed up photos to my backup server. Currently my mood suits Led zeppelin. Ran into a old friend shelly today. Whom we are a bit friendly she was headed to Oakland on Bart to get some um, work done.
Spoke a bit to my former religious past whom I moved onward from mainly I’m what missionaries call just friendly, I moved on from Organized religion and the so called fear establishment of oh my god!
Recently linked up with an old friend via yahoo messenger is married and doing well, never thought this person would grow the fuck up.
Gratitude List
1.) That I have oppertunitys here
2.) That I have friends, family and people who care in San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, Portland, Seattle, New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Dallas, Austin, and Houston.
3.) That I keep in touch with my own personal jesus
4.) That I have a plan and commitment to my plan
5.) That I am getting things achived.
The List
1.) Mail documents to finance company
2.) Turn in early to finish work tomorrow
3.) Mail copy’s of documents to DLG
4.) Get extra keys for PS and USPS for DLG and MLS
5.) Give log on info to MLS and DLG
6.) Give contact info for MLS and DLG
7.) Make some amends with pac
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Showing posts with label glbt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label glbt. Show all posts
Monday, December 8, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Kick Start my Faith and own personal jesus, and grattuide of life of 27 years young
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Slept good last night had a very hot shower this morning went to bed around 5pm, woke up at 3am, very recharged and refreshed today. Went walking this morning, burned some fat, going to take care of something difficult in the next few days.
Glad to still be sober, Ill post more about my experience it further involves the San Francisco Police commission, perhaps Ill even get to meet infamous Teresa sparks( again I met her a few years ago before she was president of the commission at pride), whom I admire and have followed her carrier for a long time.
Yet part of me is missing, I find it difficult for gratitude. I find it difficult to readjust to a normal civilian life, but its easier. I don’t want the drama of my past.
Just thinking of some of the famous individuals, I have met and shook hands with I’ve lived a respectable life so far the past 3-4 years of my life have been fast paced, with its ups and downs, drama, fear, horror, good choices and bad mistakes and poor judgment.
Interesting observations & current projects
Sometimes when Out and about, people out me as a transsexual woman, or a shim. Or whatever. Ill be posting my Bay Area shit list of trans-phobia individuals, businesses and other groups, or public service wall of shame. That’s sure to be some pride and un-censorship the database I am working on for my personal project. And its bound to piss a few people off, which doesn’t bother me, fuck yeah bring it on.
In the other factor I
1.) Bill white Mayor of Houston and former Entergy secretary under Bill Clinton
2.) Mayor Ray Nagin Mayor Of New Orleans
3.) Phyllis Frye famous transsexual atty. And lobbyist.
4.) Monica Lewinsky who gave bill Clinton one of the most famous blow jobs, I met her at a book signing
5.) Ray Hill famous for his bust of the dog food scandal, and the supreme court ruling (Houston v. Hill) which abolished “interfering with police procedure” which was often used to harass media, protesters, etc.
6.) Sgt Julia Oliver HPD who works in 911 emergency operations center in Houston emergency management Famous Transsexual Police Sgt
7.) Teresa Sparks President of the San Francisco Police commission famous transsexual police officer that does internal affairs
8.) President Bush (both of them) during storm recovery work
9.) Elder former president bush during Katrina recovery
10.) Former President Clinton doing during Katrina recovery
11.) Senator Clinton before she ran for president I met her during recovery operations
12.) Chelas Clinton in San Francisco once doing service work, I shook her hand
13.) Massena Davis director of the San Francisco Transgender Law center
14.) Lawrence as in (Lawrence-v-Texas) whom outlawed anti-some laws and gay sex or danced in Harris County Texas by the Untied States Supreme Court when George W Bush was running for office.
15.) Gavin Newsom Mayor of San Francisco 2 years ago I shook his hand in city hall when visiting San Francisco as a tourist
16.) Tom Delay former crook and mixed up in the Enron scandal in the court House in Houston
17.) Ken Lay former coo of Enron in the courthouse in Houston
18.) Andria Yates once in the Jail when I worked as a vendor & contractor inside
19.) Clarian Harris Once when In the Harris County Jail when I worked as a contractor and vendor inside
20.) Various seniors, and elected officials council members and others in the Texas political scene when I used to go to democratic and republican fundraisers when I drank, I can’t think of them all, in better times, and also heavy drinking and when I used to make border runs foolishly as a coyote, and a firearms smuggler and even sometimes worked for elected officials in dirty political deeds ( I sometimes solved problems, or ruined a few people) views which I retain anonminity about my shady contacts. I got out that line of work and retired.
Yet despite not being anyone noteworthy, but likening money, power, influence and drama, and meeting people and being kind with my southern hospitality. I am still unhappy, I feel part of me in not there or I don’t have what I want out of life, I make it, and I will survive but I feel I am in need of better, and want more and won’t give up hope, pride, power and determination.
I find I don’t want to drama, adrenaline rush even though nothing is more sexually erotic than high speed, drama, running and having fear I prefer not to have it, I choose not to.
The list for today
1.) San Francisco Police Commission
2.) Mail check and send documents to Houston & New Orleans & San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley
3.) Make doctor’s Appointment
4.) Write Letter and apply for jobs
5.) Rest, eat well lots of water, meditation and AA meeting
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I have a plan in life
2.) Grateful that I know what I want out of life
3.) Grateful to be twenty-seven years young
4.) Grateful to be sober
5.) Grateful to have been able to be out and started my path young
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Slept good last night had a very hot shower this morning went to bed around 5pm, woke up at 3am, very recharged and refreshed today. Went walking this morning, burned some fat, going to take care of something difficult in the next few days.
Glad to still be sober, Ill post more about my experience it further involves the San Francisco Police commission, perhaps Ill even get to meet infamous Teresa sparks( again I met her a few years ago before she was president of the commission at pride), whom I admire and have followed her carrier for a long time.
Yet part of me is missing, I find it difficult for gratitude. I find it difficult to readjust to a normal civilian life, but its easier. I don’t want the drama of my past.
Just thinking of some of the famous individuals, I have met and shook hands with I’ve lived a respectable life so far the past 3-4 years of my life have been fast paced, with its ups and downs, drama, fear, horror, good choices and bad mistakes and poor judgment.
Interesting observations & current projects
Sometimes when Out and about, people out me as a transsexual woman, or a shim. Or whatever. Ill be posting my Bay Area shit list of trans-phobia individuals, businesses and other groups, or public service wall of shame. That’s sure to be some pride and un-censorship the database I am working on for my personal project. And its bound to piss a few people off, which doesn’t bother me, fuck yeah bring it on.
In the other factor I
1.) Bill white Mayor of Houston and former Entergy secretary under Bill Clinton
2.) Mayor Ray Nagin Mayor Of New Orleans
3.) Phyllis Frye famous transsexual atty. And lobbyist.
4.) Monica Lewinsky who gave bill Clinton one of the most famous blow jobs, I met her at a book signing
5.) Ray Hill famous for his bust of the dog food scandal, and the supreme court ruling (Houston v. Hill) which abolished “interfering with police procedure” which was often used to harass media, protesters, etc.
6.) Sgt Julia Oliver HPD who works in 911 emergency operations center in Houston emergency management Famous Transsexual Police Sgt
7.) Teresa Sparks President of the San Francisco Police commission famous transsexual police officer that does internal affairs
8.) President Bush (both of them) during storm recovery work
9.) Elder former president bush during Katrina recovery
10.) Former President Clinton doing during Katrina recovery
11.) Senator Clinton before she ran for president I met her during recovery operations
12.) Chelas Clinton in San Francisco once doing service work, I shook her hand
13.) Massena Davis director of the San Francisco Transgender Law center
14.) Lawrence as in (Lawrence-v-Texas) whom outlawed anti-some laws and gay sex or danced in Harris County Texas by the Untied States Supreme Court when George W Bush was running for office.
15.) Gavin Newsom Mayor of San Francisco 2 years ago I shook his hand in city hall when visiting San Francisco as a tourist
16.) Tom Delay former crook and mixed up in the Enron scandal in the court House in Houston
17.) Ken Lay former coo of Enron in the courthouse in Houston
18.) Andria Yates once in the Jail when I worked as a vendor & contractor inside
19.) Clarian Harris Once when In the Harris County Jail when I worked as a contractor and vendor inside
20.) Various seniors, and elected officials council members and others in the Texas political scene when I used to go to democratic and republican fundraisers when I drank, I can’t think of them all, in better times, and also heavy drinking and when I used to make border runs foolishly as a coyote, and a firearms smuggler and even sometimes worked for elected officials in dirty political deeds ( I sometimes solved problems, or ruined a few people) views which I retain anonminity about my shady contacts. I got out that line of work and retired.
Yet despite not being anyone noteworthy, but likening money, power, influence and drama, and meeting people and being kind with my southern hospitality. I am still unhappy, I feel part of me in not there or I don’t have what I want out of life, I make it, and I will survive but I feel I am in need of better, and want more and won’t give up hope, pride, power and determination.
I find I don’t want to drama, adrenaline rush even though nothing is more sexually erotic than high speed, drama, running and having fear I prefer not to have it, I choose not to.
The list for today
1.) San Francisco Police Commission
2.) Mail check and send documents to Houston & New Orleans & San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley
3.) Make doctor’s Appointment
4.) Write Letter and apply for jobs
5.) Rest, eat well lots of water, meditation and AA meeting
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I have a plan in life
2.) Grateful that I know what I want out of life
3.) Grateful to be twenty-seven years young
4.) Grateful to be sober
5.) Grateful to have been able to be out and started my path young
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Life on the run in San Francisco and beyond on the go
1.) Call auto Insurance Broker for obtaining California Auto Insurance--
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
It turns out the reason I have been so sick and irritable, little did I know I had a major sinus infection and ear infection. I am taking penicillin right now and cold medicine for a massive ear infection in my left ear that started to spread to my right ear.
Had a semi productive day, talked to my sponsor and have to shop for a new one I have been sponsor less and I have good coping skills. Enjoying listening to rockabilly today. Elivs, Jerry Lee Louis.
The other factor of late, I dreamed last night of hiking up the San Bruno Mountain, or hiking in the winter in Lake Tahoe. Alternatively, snowboarding. The idea of fitness. And extreme sports Today is my 2nd day veg again. And also I start coffee again this morning much to LS disappointment.
Wish List
1.) To be able to make amends with my father one day.
2.) Finish Paying off debits and making amends
3.) Make amends to Christen Williams, Lilly Ruddy, Dayna Gilbert, Carolyn Bosnia, Chris Tux, Others I hurt in the Houston GLBT community and the New Orleans GLBT Community and the San Francisco GLBT Community
4.)
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be able to work on my life and inner self and to be living in San Francisco
2.) Grateful to understand that I’m angry at god and I need to work on that and my spirituality post Latter Day Saint (un-realistic of coming back)
3.) Grateful for the cold weather and to be living in San Francisco
4.) Grateful for being nice, kind, and understanding.
5.) Grateful to have finished my DL-328 , SSN changes, name change, gender change
6.) Grateful to have started my transition young
7.) Grateful to have friends and family in Houston, The Bay Area and New Orleans area
8.) Grateful to be out the closet
The List
1.) Mail Letters and Documents
2.) Take written test at DMV, Obtain California Drivers License
3.) Study for written test at dmv
4.) Mail complaint to ethics board
5.) Print AAA Texas documents and mail for insurance
6.) Mail copies of registration and Texas Drivers License and court order for name and gender change for Interstate Transport from Harvey, LA to San Francisco, CA
7.) Call California Auto Insurance Broker to shop around for insurance, obtain AAA membership given séance transitioning last time I had a hard time changing a tire on my big butch truck and also given I have a few conferences I want to go to in LA and might even conceder moving to LA (at some point) given it’s similar to Houston but California.
8.)
I also am grateful I didn’t see christen while she was here, perhaps I think too much, It’s a can of worms I don’t want to open in a metaphor manner of speaking.
I also thought of a quote for today “try not not hard, but the answer is to do first things first, and keep it simple and don’t think too much smarty panties”
I have some work to do on my web server in the upcoming week and weekends.
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
It turns out the reason I have been so sick and irritable, little did I know I had a major sinus infection and ear infection. I am taking penicillin right now and cold medicine for a massive ear infection in my left ear that started to spread to my right ear.
Had a semi productive day, talked to my sponsor and have to shop for a new one I have been sponsor less and I have good coping skills. Enjoying listening to rockabilly today. Elivs, Jerry Lee Louis.
The other factor of late, I dreamed last night of hiking up the San Bruno Mountain, or hiking in the winter in Lake Tahoe. Alternatively, snowboarding. The idea of fitness. And extreme sports Today is my 2nd day veg again. And also I start coffee again this morning much to LS disappointment.
Wish List
1.) To be able to make amends with my father one day.
2.) Finish Paying off debits and making amends
3.) Make amends to Christen Williams, Lilly Ruddy, Dayna Gilbert, Carolyn Bosnia, Chris Tux, Others I hurt in the Houston GLBT community and the New Orleans GLBT Community and the San Francisco GLBT Community
4.)
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be able to work on my life and inner self and to be living in San Francisco
2.) Grateful to understand that I’m angry at god and I need to work on that and my spirituality post Latter Day Saint (un-realistic of coming back)
3.) Grateful for the cold weather and to be living in San Francisco
4.) Grateful for being nice, kind, and understanding.
5.) Grateful to have finished my DL-328 , SSN changes, name change, gender change
6.) Grateful to have started my transition young
7.) Grateful to have friends and family in Houston, The Bay Area and New Orleans area
8.) Grateful to be out the closet
The List
1.) Mail Letters and Documents
2.) Take written test at DMV, Obtain California Drivers License
3.) Study for written test at dmv
4.) Mail complaint to ethics board
5.) Print AAA Texas documents and mail for insurance
6.) Mail copies of registration and Texas Drivers License and court order for name and gender change for Interstate Transport from Harvey, LA to San Francisco, CA
7.) Call California Auto Insurance Broker to shop around for insurance, obtain AAA membership given séance transitioning last time I had a hard time changing a tire on my big butch truck and also given I have a few conferences I want to go to in LA and might even conceder moving to LA (at some point) given it’s similar to Houston but California.
8.)
I also am grateful I didn’t see christen while she was here, perhaps I think too much, It’s a can of worms I don’t want to open in a metaphor manner of speaking.
I also thought of a quote for today “try not not hard, but the answer is to do first things first, and keep it simple and don’t think too much smarty panties”
I have some work to do on my web server in the upcoming week and weekends.
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Life on the run in San Francisco and beyond on the go
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Feeling better today, slept good last night, was very hot. Nevertheless, made out ok. Felt a bit icky but ok this morning, ran into TLM as well. I also am a little less of a bitch as of late.
Feeling good. Spiritually I felt bad, but I feel a bit better now, or somewhat better than I did earlier. My back is bent back more into proper posture as well. My shoulders feel a bit less sore. I also walked this morning and caught MUNI as well.
Life is rough, but I’m ok, though a bit tattered around the edges sometimes. However, I do ok for myself, and as an individual. Never did I think in Jan 2007 my experiences between then and July 2007 when I quit drinking. Would my life change, My life is starting to improve.
I also never through I would overcome my resentment toward christen as I did. I mostly resent myself, and my insanity and stupidity.
As far as finances right now things are bad, but could be a fuck of a lot better, my current projections to be on target for what I need to do, is moving on, and I’ll have to change some things, regardless I feel like anyway it could be for the better.
I have someone I massively dislike that doesn’t respect me and double crosses me that I have a few business relatshionships with that are a bit uneasy and disgust me. I continue to grow and prosper as well. I also know more about myself and whom I am as a n individual what I will stand for and alas what I will not as well.
I grow more and more daility spiritually. I also have been doing and working my 4th step more and more, like in the midnight hour she wants, and desires and continues to prosper
I also observed my and continue to work on my domnateing, negative, narcissitic personality and defects as an individual.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for being able to manage my faith
2.) Grateful for being loved by others
3.) Grateful for the weather
4.) Grateful for having faith
5.) Grateful for being ok
1.) To drop off items to MS
2.) Print documents / banking/ finance
3.) Finish project in excel / money / quickbooks
4.) Finish resting prep work
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Feeling better today, slept good last night, was very hot. Nevertheless, made out ok. Felt a bit icky but ok this morning, ran into TLM as well. I also am a little less of a bitch as of late.
Feeling good. Spiritually I felt bad, but I feel a bit better now, or somewhat better than I did earlier. My back is bent back more into proper posture as well. My shoulders feel a bit less sore. I also walked this morning and caught MUNI as well.
Life is rough, but I’m ok, though a bit tattered around the edges sometimes. However, I do ok for myself, and as an individual. Never did I think in Jan 2007 my experiences between then and July 2007 when I quit drinking. Would my life change, My life is starting to improve.
I also never through I would overcome my resentment toward christen as I did. I mostly resent myself, and my insanity and stupidity.
As far as finances right now things are bad, but could be a fuck of a lot better, my current projections to be on target for what I need to do, is moving on, and I’ll have to change some things, regardless I feel like anyway it could be for the better.
I have someone I massively dislike that doesn’t respect me and double crosses me that I have a few business relatshionships with that are a bit uneasy and disgust me. I continue to grow and prosper as well. I also know more about myself and whom I am as a n individual what I will stand for and alas what I will not as well.
I grow more and more daility spiritually. I also have been doing and working my 4th step more and more, like in the midnight hour she wants, and desires and continues to prosper
I also observed my and continue to work on my domnateing, negative, narcissitic personality and defects as an individual.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for being able to manage my faith
2.) Grateful for being loved by others
3.) Grateful for the weather
4.) Grateful for having faith
5.) Grateful for being ok
1.) To drop off items to MS
2.) Print documents / banking/ finance
3.) Finish project in excel / money / quickbooks
4.) Finish resting prep work
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Friday, August 8, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
Saw my father tonight on the way to a group meeting / outing in Berkeley. I assume he was leavening work. He ran across the street to correspond with me than used the Fargo atm. I did not have any reason to commutate with him, or invite him to where I am going.
Mainly due to trust issues, and I don’t know him and am unsure if I want him in my life. Its not that I am unwilling to go to family counseling and talk about our distrust, portrayal and anger. He told me to back off and someone running across the street to talk to me, whom told me a few days ago corresponding with him or others would be viewed as harassment is a paradox and conflict in itself.
The only reason I contacted individuals (through face book) was again to attempt to have an unbiased or natural 3rd party to attempt to build a relatshinship with. Which I am willing but I am unwilling to put myself in a sticky suction on a public street and cause myself more problems outside the Downtown Berkeley Bart station, I also had memories of my childhood in the downtown Berkeley library. Comeback, and had some cheap hole in the wall Chinese food. A guilty carnivore pleasure.
Look forward to the support group and more of life to come and the road ahead, going to have to research more east bay meeting places for next time.
I am willing to go to Family heryuep with him maybe evne his new wife, at a LBGT coucnelingpalce, and marriage and family counter,. I also know my father reads my blog regularly as well.
Im even open to going to the pacific center if he is truly willing to have contact with me, than he is more than able to contact me, the doors are open but I distrust him on a street corner approaching me.
In addition, Yes I am angry at him, but would I hurt him no, I shoved him aside in sprit as far as I am concerned he died in the early 1980s when my mother left California. I do want to get to know and have him in my life, but I don’t trust him
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Saw my father tonight on the way to a group meeting / outing in Berkeley. I assume he was leavening work. He ran across the street to correspond with me than used the Fargo atm. I did not have any reason to commutate with him, or invite him to where I am going.
Mainly due to trust issues, and I don’t know him and am unsure if I want him in my life. Its not that I am unwilling to go to family counseling and talk about our distrust, portrayal and anger. He told me to back off and someone running across the street to talk to me, whom told me a few days ago corresponding with him or others would be viewed as harassment is a paradox and conflict in itself.
The only reason I contacted individuals (through face book) was again to attempt to have an unbiased or natural 3rd party to attempt to build a relatshinship with. Which I am willing but I am unwilling to put myself in a sticky suction on a public street and cause myself more problems outside the Downtown Berkeley Bart station, I also had memories of my childhood in the downtown Berkeley library. Comeback, and had some cheap hole in the wall Chinese food. A guilty carnivore pleasure.
Look forward to the support group and more of life to come and the road ahead, going to have to research more east bay meeting places for next time.
I am willing to go to Family heryuep with him maybe evne his new wife, at a LBGT coucnelingpalce, and marriage and family counter,. I also know my father reads my blog regularly as well.
Im even open to going to the pacific center if he is truly willing to have contact with me, than he is more than able to contact me, the doors are open but I distrust him on a street corner approaching me.
In addition, Yes I am angry at him, but would I hurt him no, I shoved him aside in sprit as far as I am concerned he died in the early 1980s when my mother left California. I do want to get to know and have him in my life, but I don’t trust him
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Thursday, July 31, 2008
*** amendment***
To explain, further discovery of myself fact of life and who I am as an individual and interpersonal enlighten for myself. I had a wonderful thereby session today, was very progressive. I also discussed plans for my future long term and short.
Also my feelings of cutting ties to some people, places, groups, non-profits in San Francisco and the GLBT community due to disagreement with advertising, promotional material, and differences in policial opnion and outreach strategy.
My viewpoints have reached a point where I don’t care, I have been asked why do you post your personal information on the web? Well the answer is, my site is like my children, maybe I want to leave my fruit in the world, my ideas, in the depths of Google, various site robot indexers, search engine archives, blog archives to leave my views.
My views on some issues have changed a few years later, for example I used to be anti-abortion now I am pro abortion, I agree aborting in prices is wrong, but allow it due to the fact many children for adoption and also individuals make mistakes, not every child is adoptable and with black market babies for sale.
The harsh truth is, I believe its better to terminate a life and child, rather than to allow it to positional be abused in foster care, group homes, adoption, or being sold or used for illegal or immoral reasons. People make bad choices and mistakes, and some individuals give abortion a bad name, and therefore hold or to a higher power and your own personal Jesus, the individual accountable, and maybe deny folks who have more problems and over-breeding children though bad choices.
Another viewpoint is, I used to be very pro firearm and violence, while I still am, I think that mentally encourages viligianitism and further gun violence, but even if you take the firearms away, the criminals still have them will use them, as a small business sewer, single person, the reality is the police can’t be everywhere, and you have a right to protect yourself.
I think so called “hard-reduction” is liberal garbage, wasting taxpayer money, I think harm reduction should be a orange jumpsuit, time in county jail and meetings behind bars. It is what reformed my life, I think California and the liberal(s) that are allow San Francisco Bums to abuse the system, is wrong and a disgrace, just recently a guy got 3 days jail for assault on a police officer, a guy who has been arrested for aggressive panhandling, drunk and disorderly, resisting arrest, carrying a concealed weapon, and even committed for mental health.
You Can’t help someone whom does not desire, wish or want to help themselves, forced reform and sobriety is a waste of time spend time in Civic Center, Church Street Upper Market. 6th street beaten market and mission, go walk through the tenderloin, or lower mission or lower height-Ashbury and witnessed the waste.
Gavin Newsom has the right princely, but under his care not cash program her hurts folks more, and hold people accountable for help, demand accountbalotyu for funds. Don’t just put someone in a room, with a number on the door in utter poverty and warehouse.
The work program is good for that, but I think even random drug and substance abuse testing for shelter beds, would be a superb idea, or segregation based on sobriety shelters with “zero-tolerance Policies” and concept to random testing, on a lottery system based on prior history, criminal history, and maybe even check for warrants.
You are giving someone a warm bed, a hot meal for FREE why not ask for something in return? Or if you want more services and comfort why not consent to testing, why allow individuals who abuse san Francisco overly liberal policies to abuse the system, at tax paper expense, individuals who want help who are sober, and clean, individuals who work, individuals who are doing the right thing.
The system as of now, allows no-accountability for actions, it allows individuals to abuse the system to reinforce their negative actions and behaviors, at the expense to public safety, health, crime, public nuisance, and promotes partition, drug use, robbery, auto theft, breaking & entering, property crime. While supporting others form bottoming out at the expected of Tax Payers to the City & County of San Francisco and you me, the guy who strugglers to feed his family, the young collage girl, the elderly sleep in the cold, trying to make ends meet and start over.
Global fuel, cost of living, expanse are increasing for the social
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
To explain, further discovery of myself fact of life and who I am as an individual and interpersonal enlighten for myself. I had a wonderful thereby session today, was very progressive. I also discussed plans for my future long term and short.
Also my feelings of cutting ties to some people, places, groups, non-profits in San Francisco and the GLBT community due to disagreement with advertising, promotional material, and differences in policial opnion and outreach strategy.
My viewpoints have reached a point where I don’t care, I have been asked why do you post your personal information on the web? Well the answer is, my site is like my children, maybe I want to leave my fruit in the world, my ideas, in the depths of Google, various site robot indexers, search engine archives, blog archives to leave my views.
My views on some issues have changed a few years later, for example I used to be anti-abortion now I am pro abortion, I agree aborting in prices is wrong, but allow it due to the fact many children for adoption and also individuals make mistakes, not every child is adoptable and with black market babies for sale.
The harsh truth is, I believe its better to terminate a life and child, rather than to allow it to positional be abused in foster care, group homes, adoption, or being sold or used for illegal or immoral reasons. People make bad choices and mistakes, and some individuals give abortion a bad name, and therefore hold or to a higher power and your own personal Jesus, the individual accountable, and maybe deny folks who have more problems and over-breeding children though bad choices.
Another viewpoint is, I used to be very pro firearm and violence, while I still am, I think that mentally encourages viligianitism and further gun violence, but even if you take the firearms away, the criminals still have them will use them, as a small business sewer, single person, the reality is the police can’t be everywhere, and you have a right to protect yourself.
I think so called “hard-reduction” is liberal garbage, wasting taxpayer money, I think harm reduction should be a orange jumpsuit, time in county jail and meetings behind bars. It is what reformed my life, I think California and the liberal(s) that are allow San Francisco Bums to abuse the system, is wrong and a disgrace, just recently a guy got 3 days jail for assault on a police officer, a guy who has been arrested for aggressive panhandling, drunk and disorderly, resisting arrest, carrying a concealed weapon, and even committed for mental health.
You Can’t help someone whom does not desire, wish or want to help themselves, forced reform and sobriety is a waste of time spend time in Civic Center, Church Street Upper Market. 6th street beaten market and mission, go walk through the tenderloin, or lower mission or lower height-Ashbury and witnessed the waste.
Gavin Newsom has the right princely, but under his care not cash program her hurts folks more, and hold people accountable for help, demand accountbalotyu for funds. Don’t just put someone in a room, with a number on the door in utter poverty and warehouse.
The work program is good for that, but I think even random drug and substance abuse testing for shelter beds, would be a superb idea, or segregation based on sobriety shelters with “zero-tolerance Policies” and concept to random testing, on a lottery system based on prior history, criminal history, and maybe even check for warrants.
You are giving someone a warm bed, a hot meal for FREE why not ask for something in return? Or if you want more services and comfort why not consent to testing, why allow individuals who abuse san Francisco overly liberal policies to abuse the system, at tax paper expense, individuals who want help who are sober, and clean, individuals who work, individuals who are doing the right thing.
The system as of now, allows no-accountability for actions, it allows individuals to abuse the system to reinforce their negative actions and behaviors, at the expense to public safety, health, crime, public nuisance, and promotes partition, drug use, robbery, auto theft, breaking & entering, property crime. While supporting others form bottoming out at the expected of Tax Payers to the City & County of San Francisco and you me, the guy who strugglers to feed his family, the young collage girl, the elderly sleep in the cold, trying to make ends meet and start over.
Global fuel, cost of living, expanse are increasing for the social
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Life in San Francisco, Oakland and Berkeley
Sunday, July 27, 2008
The reality of my life and self is I did more for myself. Slept good and alas a bit late until 5 am this morning. I awoke tcb have things to do later today.
Uploaded a few (password-protected apps) to the server (#2) today. I also worked on a few other things. This morning near 6th and mission I had a guy hit on me and I jumped back at a pot / meth / drunk head in the morning., and slipped on a banana peel in the morning, and tore a stocking make note why not to walk on 6th stet, and go up 7th or 5th to the train station.
I ate ok, went to a good meeting at the Alamo club, also composed a few documents, have to print a (few PDF files) am feeling better than yesterday after going to general hospital. They treated me well.
I also have worked on my social and confiandace issues, ran into my favorite transgender female to male therapist today. In addition, composed a few other items.
Talked to my grandmother about my life, and choises did some steep work at the Alamo club for my sponsor, have a few things to do Monday, have some banking and transit and civil matters to do next week, got referred for an MRI for my health issues.
Going to the dive / riot girl freak meeting this afternoon, don’t you wish you could go with me?
I also have to do a little laundry and other things after the meeting, and had a good crasuant today as well. I spoke to an old friend this weekend and uploaded some code to my site.
I’m going to go to the affirmation conference next year, have a few rentals to look at near uc Berkeley or in downtown Oakland near lake marriet, and a few co-ops in san Francisco as well.
Did some editing, design work for one of my preferable outsourcing clients, who does occasionally go on benders, and I being the sober one does her work for her. Delivered product to her promptly this morning
September or October looks ideal for importing my 4-wheel drive tailgate pick-em’ up truck to California, the Ford Ranger fX4 w/ tremor audio system long bed, ext cab special custom Texas edition
I also might eventfully after doing more step work invite my father to therapy at the pacific center given it is a neutral place and close to work, I often think of my father when I pass the downtown Berkeley Bart station or go shopping at the Walgreens or do printing at the Berkeley Kinko’s I also walk to the pacific center its one of my favorite fitness walks, usually I have dry cleaning, personal items and items for some of my clients whom some have minor binges and benders.
In addition, clean their dirty laundry as well as my own, I continue to progress more and more.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
The reality of my life and self is I did more for myself. Slept good and alas a bit late until 5 am this morning. I awoke tcb have things to do later today.
Uploaded a few (password-protected apps) to the server (#2) today. I also worked on a few other things. This morning near 6th and mission I had a guy hit on me and I jumped back at a pot / meth / drunk head in the morning., and slipped on a banana peel in the morning, and tore a stocking make note why not to walk on 6th stet, and go up 7th or 5th to the train station.
I ate ok, went to a good meeting at the Alamo club, also composed a few documents, have to print a (few PDF files) am feeling better than yesterday after going to general hospital. They treated me well.
I also have worked on my social and confiandace issues, ran into my favorite transgender female to male therapist today. In addition, composed a few other items.
Talked to my grandmother about my life, and choises did some steep work at the Alamo club for my sponsor, have a few things to do Monday, have some banking and transit and civil matters to do next week, got referred for an MRI for my health issues.
Going to the dive / riot girl freak meeting this afternoon, don’t you wish you could go with me?
I also have to do a little laundry and other things after the meeting, and had a good crasuant today as well. I spoke to an old friend this weekend and uploaded some code to my site.
I’m going to go to the affirmation conference next year, have a few rentals to look at near uc Berkeley or in downtown Oakland near lake marriet, and a few co-ops in san Francisco as well.
Did some editing, design work for one of my preferable outsourcing clients, who does occasionally go on benders, and I being the sober one does her work for her. Delivered product to her promptly this morning
September or October looks ideal for importing my 4-wheel drive tailgate pick-em’ up truck to California, the Ford Ranger fX4 w/ tremor audio system long bed, ext cab special custom Texas edition
I also might eventfully after doing more step work invite my father to therapy at the pacific center given it is a neutral place and close to work, I often think of my father when I pass the downtown Berkeley Bart station or go shopping at the Walgreens or do printing at the Berkeley Kinko’s I also walk to the pacific center its one of my favorite fitness walks, usually I have dry cleaning, personal items and items for some of my clients whom some have minor binges and benders.
In addition, clean their dirty laundry as well as my own, I continue to progress more and more.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Life and the progress in San Francisco
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Slept well last night, today working on a few projects for a client, also have therapy today and a few other errands, have a few doctors appointments also, and some research to perform for myself and a few clients.
Had another nightmare last night, I figured out why it’s around the third anniversary of Katrina, talked to DT recently about Louisiana Politics, Katrina, Harvey, and crime and geographical and economic change. Also discussed becoming older, wiser, and being alone. Moreover, hurt and sick.
The past few days the San Francisco Chronicle, The Street Sheet, SF Guardian, Sf weekly have had articles about un-accountability, extreme poverty and homeless and life in general and the seeder sides of areas like SOMA. Tenderloin, Castro, mission, western addition.
My paper work is safe lucky for me, having off site digital document storage, a file room and access to a co-op and other various arrangements, laundry is on the agenda, I also am washing a few things for a client as well as some dry cleaning.
The affirmation LDS GLBT conference for Mormons is coming up or former such in September on the city of angels, a good drive down the coast, as well as some job hunting, and the fact I might have a Transgender Man or a Queer female to go with and roommate at the conference hotel, or maybe get a motel on the outskirts of los Angeles, and split fuel expenses with the trip between us, in my 4 wheel drive tailgate.
I hope things start to go through soon, which they are in partial fashion, the conference could maybe wait till next year as well.
It mind boggles that such and so many GLBT folks , and average Jill and Joes could spread so much hate and tensions in Americas most labial city is so divided and open-minded and over intellectualized. I also feel as for my own political views, and personal reasons, jail or such could be an option, I hate this country, state and would not mind pleasing no congest to a bank robbery, but no weapon, no violence and a note, and spend the rest of my life in jail for Transgender equity, deny parole and repeat over and over. I would be willing to Scarface my life for what I believe, and who I am and for others. Not even attempting to get way, I would want deportation to some place willing, I would surrender peacefully.
That is insanity and crazy talk and would likely never become a reality.
I am a noble person, honest, grateful, outgoing, and stave for independence, I talked to DT yesterday on the phone about if I ever grew old, senile or ill and lost my impedance, I don’t ever want to be in a home and have someone take care of me, financial matters or other affairs.
I also know my narcissism, pain, and drama and inner bitch is not healthy, and nor is my vigalantisim and playing the fucking victim, I even need some accountability for my own actions, life and present cirmstances.
The meeting this morning was good, mike came in again, we had two throw two people, out the police were called, and I had a bad morning, and the nightmares around the anverssy of Katrina, my recovery work on the gulf coast. Lately the nightmares are horrid. I still remeber spending time in New Orleans Pre, Post, Katrina, reliant park, minute maid park and other locations in Space city. I remeber assisting in transport of ammunition to New Orleans for The New Orleans Police Department, working search and rescure in 2005/2006 in Houston a bit for a missing child during the holidays, and also becoming and joking the drunk paaty around that time from being an al-anon.
I called my good aquances ray hill (Houston v. Hill) head of the prison show on KPFT which is occaonaily broadcast in the bay area on KPFA, came to san Francisco Jan 6, 2008 with six months of soberity lived with a friend, than lost it all when they left, I have had hard times but I am sober, and attempting to rebuild my life.
I am greatful today on
1.) Being able to express my feelings, ask for help, respect others boundaries, and also draw the line at myself
2.) Being able to deal with others sickness in a positive affirming manner
3.) Being able to do what I need to do and not bitch about it and choose to surround myself around positive individuals.
I dislike bureaucracy, government and the way of system, but I know how to work through red tape, given my customer service, leadership, and ocd, and desire for protection and being an over-achiever.
I know I try too hard, I just have so much I want to do in life, and never want to grow old, I’ll be 30 soon, but don’t look it, yada.
Anyway duty calls.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Slept well last night, today working on a few projects for a client, also have therapy today and a few other errands, have a few doctors appointments also, and some research to perform for myself and a few clients.
Had another nightmare last night, I figured out why it’s around the third anniversary of Katrina, talked to DT recently about Louisiana Politics, Katrina, Harvey, and crime and geographical and economic change. Also discussed becoming older, wiser, and being alone. Moreover, hurt and sick.
The past few days the San Francisco Chronicle, The Street Sheet, SF Guardian, Sf weekly have had articles about un-accountability, extreme poverty and homeless and life in general and the seeder sides of areas like SOMA. Tenderloin, Castro, mission, western addition.
My paper work is safe lucky for me, having off site digital document storage, a file room and access to a co-op and other various arrangements, laundry is on the agenda, I also am washing a few things for a client as well as some dry cleaning.
The affirmation LDS GLBT conference for Mormons is coming up or former such in September on the city of angels, a good drive down the coast, as well as some job hunting, and the fact I might have a Transgender Man or a Queer female to go with and roommate at the conference hotel, or maybe get a motel on the outskirts of los Angeles, and split fuel expenses with the trip between us, in my 4 wheel drive tailgate.
I hope things start to go through soon, which they are in partial fashion, the conference could maybe wait till next year as well.
It mind boggles that such and so many GLBT folks , and average Jill and Joes could spread so much hate and tensions in Americas most labial city is so divided and open-minded and over intellectualized. I also feel as for my own political views, and personal reasons, jail or such could be an option, I hate this country, state and would not mind pleasing no congest to a bank robbery, but no weapon, no violence and a note, and spend the rest of my life in jail for Transgender equity, deny parole and repeat over and over. I would be willing to Scarface my life for what I believe, and who I am and for others. Not even attempting to get way, I would want deportation to some place willing, I would surrender peacefully.
That is insanity and crazy talk and would likely never become a reality.
I am a noble person, honest, grateful, outgoing, and stave for independence, I talked to DT yesterday on the phone about if I ever grew old, senile or ill and lost my impedance, I don’t ever want to be in a home and have someone take care of me, financial matters or other affairs.
I also know my narcissism, pain, and drama and inner bitch is not healthy, and nor is my vigalantisim and playing the fucking victim, I even need some accountability for my own actions, life and present cirmstances.
The meeting this morning was good, mike came in again, we had two throw two people, out the police were called, and I had a bad morning, and the nightmares around the anverssy of Katrina, my recovery work on the gulf coast. Lately the nightmares are horrid. I still remeber spending time in New Orleans Pre, Post, Katrina, reliant park, minute maid park and other locations in Space city. I remeber assisting in transport of ammunition to New Orleans for The New Orleans Police Department, working search and rescure in 2005/2006 in Houston a bit for a missing child during the holidays, and also becoming and joking the drunk paaty around that time from being an al-anon.
I called my good aquances ray hill (Houston v. Hill) head of the prison show on KPFT which is occaonaily broadcast in the bay area on KPFA, came to san Francisco Jan 6, 2008 with six months of soberity lived with a friend, than lost it all when they left, I have had hard times but I am sober, and attempting to rebuild my life.
I am greatful today on
1.) Being able to express my feelings, ask for help, respect others boundaries, and also draw the line at myself
2.) Being able to deal with others sickness in a positive affirming manner
3.) Being able to do what I need to do and not bitch about it and choose to surround myself around positive individuals.
I dislike bureaucracy, government and the way of system, but I know how to work through red tape, given my customer service, leadership, and ocd, and desire for protection and being an over-achiever.
I know I try too hard, I just have so much I want to do in life, and never want to grow old, I’ll be 30 soon, but don’t look it, yada.
Anyway duty calls.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
My change in name and gender went relative well, I also made some monetary amends and called a few folks to make amends and deal with other issues for the matters, I on Sunday celebrated q year sober.
My HRT and meds came back very positive and affirming, my hormones are a bit back into adjustment, I have a Dr. Appointment in the east bay in the next week.
I have the SS-5 form for the social security office, I need to go to my bank, finance company, DMV, alameda county recorder’s office. And much much more in the next few weeks, but not go so much to turn burnout and insanity, I also have a DL328 as well for my gender marker for my drivers licenses, and also have a driver’s test.
I found a new insurance company and need to seek replacement documents for some insurance matters in importing my truck into California. The Texas truck moves on trucking out of the lone star state.
I confided in my doctor and will do so to my therapist in a few matters, which I had not disclosed out of fear of rejection but honestly is the key to the pursuit of happiness. I admit defeat and am willing to be honest, just more selective and secretive and evasive in who, what and where I suggest.
I also for a few other matters am torn between some good auto Insurance quotes I have gotten for my 4x4 Tailgate. These matters take time and as a late Capricorn borderlineing or aquarious. I am progressing but being careful not to burn out again, and maintain discipline
I am over my romantic loss, and hurt. Never say never again, and discursion. Is necessary per say. I have individuals make passes at me on occasion but reject in the favor of faith, and future enlighten. I have therapy tomorrow and a few other things today
Gratitude list
1.) Grateful for being able to admit being helpless in My drinking, OCD and getting on the crazy train without the help of fellowship, hard work, and determination
2.) Grateful for life, and court and starting a new one
3.) Grateful for understanding that I need to change myself, and make myself more of an asset rather than a liability.
Today thins to do
1.) Post Office
2.) Drop Documents off at storage
3.) Go walking/ rest and relax
4.) Drink lots of water
5.) Work on papers for clients
6.) Mail Letters and documents
7.) Print Forms at Library for conference in Los Angeles
8.) Print Documents for my pickup truck regarding Texas, Louisiana and California DMV, country tax office, and DPS
9.) Print Drivers diocese documents
10.) Print forms for Finance company, bank and other options with name change and fill out and mail proof of documentation
11.) Send finical amends to creditors and debtors.
gaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
My change in name and gender went relative well, I also made some monetary amends and called a few folks to make amends and deal with other issues for the matters, I on Sunday celebrated q year sober.
My HRT and meds came back very positive and affirming, my hormones are a bit back into adjustment, I have a Dr. Appointment in the east bay in the next week.
I have the SS-5 form for the social security office, I need to go to my bank, finance company, DMV, alameda county recorder’s office. And much much more in the next few weeks, but not go so much to turn burnout and insanity, I also have a DL328 as well for my gender marker for my drivers licenses, and also have a driver’s test.
I found a new insurance company and need to seek replacement documents for some insurance matters in importing my truck into California. The Texas truck moves on trucking out of the lone star state.
I confided in my doctor and will do so to my therapist in a few matters, which I had not disclosed out of fear of rejection but honestly is the key to the pursuit of happiness. I admit defeat and am willing to be honest, just more selective and secretive and evasive in who, what and where I suggest.
I also for a few other matters am torn between some good auto Insurance quotes I have gotten for my 4x4 Tailgate. These matters take time and as a late Capricorn borderlineing or aquarious. I am progressing but being careful not to burn out again, and maintain discipline
I am over my romantic loss, and hurt. Never say never again, and discursion. Is necessary per say. I have individuals make passes at me on occasion but reject in the favor of faith, and future enlighten. I have therapy tomorrow and a few other things today
Gratitude list
1.) Grateful for being able to admit being helpless in My drinking, OCD and getting on the crazy train without the help of fellowship, hard work, and determination
2.) Grateful for life, and court and starting a new one
3.) Grateful for understanding that I need to change myself, and make myself more of an asset rather than a liability.
Today thins to do
1.) Post Office
2.) Drop Documents off at storage
3.) Go walking/ rest and relax
4.) Drink lots of water
5.) Work on papers for clients
6.) Mail Letters and documents
7.) Print Forms at Library for conference in Los Angeles
8.) Print Documents for my pickup truck regarding Texas, Louisiana and California DMV, country tax office, and DPS
9.) Print Drivers diocese documents
10.) Print forms for Finance company, bank and other options with name change and fill out and mail proof of documentation
11.) Send finical amends to creditors and debtors.
gaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Friday, July 11, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
The reality of myself and further enlightenment and eye-opening experiences for myself. This morning was glorious and peaceful for myself.
I met with my wonderful sponsor yesterday, I am planning on a meeting later today, I made arrangements for tonight, and plan to go to the support group in the east bay. I also need to make other arrangements and I push myself hard for what is Necessary for myself.
I also am working on my essay on Trans-Phobia and Discrimnation and hate in San Francisco and beyond. A look at decimation and people’s fears of the unknown.
I also as of late am afraid, this Sunday I have 1 year sober, and what a year it has been, I met with my sponsor yesterday. I also this week went to the electro cist in the East Bay, and had more work done, my face is breaking out, in the next few weeks I will go back for more, work.
Furthermore, I am lucky to have started young, in my transition; I also am going to get back to walking more, and eating healthier more in moderation for soul and myself.
I hurt and told my sponsor my pain of what I did to individuals in the GLBTQ community in Houston, Texas ; New Orleans, LA and other places of shame.
I hurt for myself, I hurt knowing what I did and hurt bleeding in my heart, I have some trouble letting, go this week I have been lynched a few times, sometimes just doing basic things such as grooming and bothering.
Ill shares some of my expirees at 6 months in San Francisco.
1.) In January 2008 was mugged with a knife in the filmore district, and told I can be mugged or assaulted and abused my San Francisco Police when I called for service, I was handcuffed and searched, and told they had 4 units looking for the suspect. I was integrated about drug use, protection, and warrants. (which I had none)
2.) April 2008I was mugged on the MUNI Metro and told I was problem prostituting myself on the train, and no report and the law was not enforced again
3.) May 2008 I have been lynched in a communal shower by other women with Hateful GLBT slurs, had a photo taken of me with a camria phone
4.) May 2008 - I have been verbally abused and harassed by other women when sleeping
5.) June 2008- I have had a 22-caliber handgun pulled on me, out of hate and intimidation.
6.) June 2008- I was punched in the face (In clear view of a police officer) On The MUNI / Bart Station for no appernt reason and called slurs and laughed at when I was ok.
7.) I have had a Transit cop refer to me using trans-phobic and hate speech when requesting proof of payment, refuse to take a report for the mentioned
8.) I was groped while wating for food, and laughed at
9.)
Those are just small examples of whets gone on but I stay sober, it’s not easy but not every fight is worth fighting and winning for, it’s not what it’s about, I miss Texas and Houston dearly, I don’t like what occurs the drinking and drug use that is tolerated in the city of San Francisco, it’s wrong.
I looked at a few places in Oakland, and Berkeley. I however need time to finish things out in the city and work on some of my PTSD and depression issues.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
The reality of myself and further enlightenment and eye-opening experiences for myself. This morning was glorious and peaceful for myself.
I met with my wonderful sponsor yesterday, I am planning on a meeting later today, I made arrangements for tonight, and plan to go to the support group in the east bay. I also need to make other arrangements and I push myself hard for what is Necessary for myself.
I also am working on my essay on Trans-Phobia and Discrimnation and hate in San Francisco and beyond. A look at decimation and people’s fears of the unknown.
I also as of late am afraid, this Sunday I have 1 year sober, and what a year it has been, I met with my sponsor yesterday. I also this week went to the electro cist in the East Bay, and had more work done, my face is breaking out, in the next few weeks I will go back for more, work.
Furthermore, I am lucky to have started young, in my transition; I also am going to get back to walking more, and eating healthier more in moderation for soul and myself.
I hurt and told my sponsor my pain of what I did to individuals in the GLBTQ community in Houston, Texas ; New Orleans, LA and other places of shame.
I hurt for myself, I hurt knowing what I did and hurt bleeding in my heart, I have some trouble letting, go this week I have been lynched a few times, sometimes just doing basic things such as grooming and bothering.
Ill shares some of my expirees at 6 months in San Francisco.
1.) In January 2008 was mugged with a knife in the filmore district, and told I can be mugged or assaulted and abused my San Francisco Police when I called for service, I was handcuffed and searched, and told they had 4 units looking for the suspect. I was integrated about drug use, protection, and warrants. (which I had none)
2.) April 2008I was mugged on the MUNI Metro and told I was problem prostituting myself on the train, and no report and the law was not enforced again
3.) May 2008 I have been lynched in a communal shower by other women with Hateful GLBT slurs, had a photo taken of me with a camria phone
4.) May 2008 - I have been verbally abused and harassed by other women when sleeping
5.) June 2008- I have had a 22-caliber handgun pulled on me, out of hate and intimidation.
6.) June 2008- I was punched in the face (In clear view of a police officer) On The MUNI / Bart Station for no appernt reason and called slurs and laughed at when I was ok.
7.) I have had a Transit cop refer to me using trans-phobic and hate speech when requesting proof of payment, refuse to take a report for the mentioned
8.) I was groped while wating for food, and laughed at
9.)
Those are just small examples of whets gone on but I stay sober, it’s not easy but not every fight is worth fighting and winning for, it’s not what it’s about, I miss Texas and Houston dearly, I don’t like what occurs the drinking and drug use that is tolerated in the city of San Francisco, it’s wrong.
I looked at a few places in Oakland, and Berkeley. I however need time to finish things out in the city and work on some of my PTSD and depression issues.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Monday, June 23, 2008
Life in Sobery, service, faith, and starting a brand new day, one day at atime
Monday, June 23, 2008
Did service work at AA Central office today, Caller a few sober folks today, did do some job hunting and are linked up with the local one stop center, going to a place tomorrow. Also exploring a grant or two.
Took care partially of some IRS Issues, Composed a letter for Public Storage in Texas, and called a friend in Texas to do a favor for me in Houston. Spoke to someone in the LDS church.
Met someone who’s coming into town maybe for pride that’s 2 years older than me transgender, sober, in recovery, came out as transgender in Houston in the mid 1990s we also both became drunks in Montrose which is fucking awesome, she also lived in New Orleans and awesome, and we have a lot in common, and potential as a best friend, or maybe even a long term relatshionshop and partnership.
Been doing step work for the lists for steps with my sponsor, my higher power and own personal Jesus is back and balance.
I also met some other folks through craigslist, I composed well with myself, and further grew, and prospered for my soul.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Did service work at AA Central office today, Caller a few sober folks today, did do some job hunting and are linked up with the local one stop center, going to a place tomorrow. Also exploring a grant or two.
Took care partially of some IRS Issues, Composed a letter for Public Storage in Texas, and called a friend in Texas to do a favor for me in Houston. Spoke to someone in the LDS church.
Met someone who’s coming into town maybe for pride that’s 2 years older than me transgender, sober, in recovery, came out as transgender in Houston in the mid 1990s we also both became drunks in Montrose which is fucking awesome, she also lived in New Orleans and awesome, and we have a lot in common, and potential as a best friend, or maybe even a long term relatshionshop and partnership.
Been doing step work for the lists for steps with my sponsor, my higher power and own personal Jesus is back and balance.
I also met some other folks through craigslist, I composed well with myself, and further grew, and prospered for my soul.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The reality of myself, the reality about my life. I have not slept as well, I missed my train this moring and had to reset my apointment, my health is ok, The dizzyness, confusion, and misunderstadning and blured vision, and dislexia, is scaray. I talked to my wonderful sponsor. The reality of myself, I am still sober, and contunie to progress, and still grow in myself.
I know who I am and know what, I am, I know I don’t have to drink on my airline flight, I don’t have to drink on my drive back to san Francisco from New Orleans International, I might visit my folks, friends, and go to the NOLA Lamba Center, and also pick up my 1 year chip ta Lamba Houston, Visit Phoxix, and Los Angeles, or I might just go through Oklomaha, and bypass old slipperly places, where the wiskey drowns to the oasis, and firneds in Low Places. But I am going to fire up my pick up truck and let all 385 horsepower roll, but not have the wiskey, and smoke, but maybe the women, Get down turn around back to San Francisco.
I reset my appointment, also Have a legal clnic to attend to for transgender women, I also know for me,and what My body needs.
On top of that I was offed on a forum, it sucks, that I can understand I am having verbal and some writien commucation problems, I am afraid of my health, but I am fighting this and for my indpedance, the nightmares have started again. I feel I am flipping out, I am also very afraid, and probelly going to stay alone, until the doctor figures out whats wrong, the blackouts scare the shit out of me, dearly, I admit to being afraid. I also know it turns people off, I cant understand where time goes, sometimes on a task I feel confused doing a task over and over. I am afraid, I don’t understand whats wrong with me.
I also have a trip to the IRS office, to deal with some tax issues, I feel as if my body does not have the entergy, I almost passed out again today. But I have faith things will get better slowly but surely one day at time. The doctors think its stress, lack of sleep, eating, and general just major stress and pressure and deadlines, and learning to cope with life again without drinking.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I feel as if my helath is better, but my body is falling apart, I am alive outside, but dead in soul. I remember things, painful things I need not remember, physical, emotiuonal tramma, and also the dizziness, and blackouts, like I am on a boat in rough tides, I feel lost at sea, when I walk and move, I am very afraid.
It hurts, I have this anger, rage, and emotions built up, and my mind is slipping sometimes, It scares me deeply, that I haven’t lost my marbles yet. I got sober and than Have to deal with this bullshit, why the fuck me?
Anyway, I am going to get through this, one day at a time, the nightmares have started, the nausuia, the blurred vision, confusion, loss of words, on pen and paper, I feel I am getting sick, theres something wrong with me and the doctors, cant figure out what, they agreed to do a blood work, MRI and Catscan, regardless, I am going to take my trip against medical advise, I must keep moving and do what I need to do for me, a trip to the post office, and maybe the IRS today might be in order.
I admit I am depressed, some days I eat once a day, and I have an eating disorder, But I am fighting this, and I am not going to drink, I am buring bridges, but at least I am aware of it and respecting bounderies, I just feel so sick, and I don’t want to drink, and I also feel dizzy and have trouble visually, vebraly focusing, which is why I compose some here, and some elsewhere, for my doctors or incase I become incapasetaed, I feel my health is delicneing, I feel Like I am dieing of something, and the doctors cant find out what. Something is physicaly wrong with me, some think its stress, which could be correct.
I just want the suffering to end, one way or another.
--Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
The reality of enlightment for myself, and inner peace is slow, hard and painful though the good bad and ugly. I know as of late, I have been a utter, cold hearted bitch, but at least, I manged to keep my pain under some type of control, but alas I am sliping and moving forward.
I feel as if socitys over judgemental, hate, AND insane librials do much, not to say I am not libral in my own ways, just there comes a point of well takeing action.
Anyway I was successful in fileing my paper work and the bay area reporter will publish such documents in compliance with legal bull shit.
I ate sort of ok, and need more water but for the most part am doing quite well and plauable.\
I went to my meeting, have a few errands to run, and also have a few other spots. The blackouts, confusion, and irritabely are not as bad. I look forward to getting a MRI & CATSCAN, I feel as if my medical condtion at birth has worsened. I feel as if I am slipping. I want the insane things to end. I also feel very alone, and helpless, and don’t want pity or someone to do for me. I don’t like asking for help, but I don’t want to drink anymore, I want recovery and some of us are sicker than others, I want the pain to end, I want recovery and healing and inner most enlighment.
I want more for myself, and life, and enlightment and inner most peace, and want more and more recovery, and want more of a soul, and enlightment for my innerself.
--Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Progress not prefection and living large, and the Big book reloaded
The reality as of late, I have been a utter bitch to fellow friends of bill w, I am scared shit less, my PTSD and flashbacks to hurricane Katrina, my sexual assault, abuse by co-workers, workplace discriamntion, sins against other GLBT folks, sins against other Transgender.
I just want equity and some degree of stealth, I hate living someplace with so many TG folk, I long term urn from working from 5th wheel in the mountains of Montana, with my big diesel guzzling 4x4 pickup truck, being a full time river, and coming to San Francisco, or living in rural northern California.
I had another female show interest in me, right now I am going though some spiritually tough times, I have been a utter bitch, and being very overly judgmental and stereotypical. I was wrong, and have a step letter to compose to a few folks, CCC-Dan, Frank-The dock, the alano club.
I feel unwelcome, its not other people, not being screamed at, hit or when I am is utterly traumatic, I just need to find inner peace, which I am doing better at., My therapist and I discussed finding balance, the young guy at the community center, talked to more I printed my name change documents, and I might have more to do, I've also though given my many contacts, friends and aquances, i might (again) follow in my mothers footsteps to get work and maybe transfer back to san Francisco, still stay a san Francisco resident.
As of late, I feel a bit well moody, it hurts with some of my friends I self destructed, I have had flashbacks to my past, and resentments, yet I am still sober, I also finally convinced my doctor to get me a MRI and CATscan I am deeply concerted about my blackouts and memory loss, I am in great health to diseases, and strong and fit as an ox. I am not infected with any sexually transmitted deceases, or have ever done prostration.
I know what I want, I am assertive, here are some e-mails from various local San Francisco residents, as well as an observation from chapter 2 of the BIG Book of AA
Chapter 2 Of the AA “Big Book” pg 19+20
“Most of us since that our real tolerance of other peoples shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others. Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought for others and how we may meet their needs”
My lately actions, inaction's while border rlineing on the dry drunk, on myself, and the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, I have some server trauma which not an acceptable excuse, I need to be alone and deal with some of these issues, and physical health problems, conventional centers, and my tendency to become codefendant are not healthy, and there for being alone outside the needs of the other few, are in my and everyone else best interest.
I also love more of myself, and share more of my inner peace, I need to rest and eat more, met someone else again with ties to Houston I also like giving more back and charity, I plan to rerun to visit, one day but Not live, but with my 5th wheel RV and big diesel 4x4 pickup truck is all I want in life. San Francisco's Heyday has come and gone.
Progress not perfection one day at a time, peace has grown a bit again, I also have some appointments and let my dirty laundry is my misspelt youth and coming out in Houston, I love more of myself, life and need to work on my co-dependacy issues. I also hurt remembering the fork-lift accident, and truck accident many eons ago, I also have to do something about my debits, and possibly declare bankruptcy, I don't ever see myself getting out of the hole I am stuck, though I have tired 30,000 is bad to be in debit. Which started as a 10,000 is Debit, though is growing due to two unsavory creditors, I might still be able to get out of the hole as I am able, and willing, though its rough.
I have resentments toward some folks, and find I don't like some folks here but I have to learn tod ela again, I have another person that wants to lease server space via FTP on my web server and host a few small paps, which proviso promising, per say.
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
The Leap of Faith to the Unkown, Fear there of
As of recently I have new private blogs, and some off the internet and On a INTRANET of my choice and likeing. I also am dealing with some spirtualy tough times, but moving forward, Ive made and discussed a bit on how to deal with these issues.
I have a few folks and co-depeants in my life, I have issues to deal with and some abusers, I called a womens hate crime rape place yesterday. I dont have any tollerance for sex workers, transgender whores, or folks that use that dont repsect me, or folks that dont respect my bounderies and respect my life.
I also have more of what I need to work on with me, and know more about myself, and who and wha I nned as an indivual.
I also have a replacement phone has been giving my problems. I took care of some matters today as well, I also have more to do for myself, and program and some personal, educational, employment, finacal goals, and my transitin and some civil matters.
--Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Sunday, May 4, 2008
The reality of Life, is not life it self, I found another sponsor, I want the insanity to end, I want recovery, the answer is to recovery is I dont, know. I just know what I dont want, I dont have the answers, but I find them more and more one day at a time, the fear of relpase, is not an option.
I have a somewhat busy upcoming week, I have school matters to deal with and tend to, I have some sinus problems, I feel a bit more recovered, I also need some time to work out my issues, My hair is fixed, and the currls are back again
I picked up some hygine things yesterday at my trip to the walgreens, I also have a meeting on the adgenda this morning, I ate some yougert, and am going on a new diet within reason, as well. I also am going to do more walking again, clearing my throughts in recovery.
I need to back down and stay away, I dont want more resentments and hurt, I also admited I was wrong in what I said to another TG person recently about her, and her drug uses, But I admited over reaction to an addict, I offered a meeting book, she refused, but I made pace, and made ammends, one day at time.
I know CAN be a cold blooded, selfish bitch, and very nasty, mean and minupipulative but at least, I find faut in my defects, I met someone, and I also have a new sponsor, that I feel comfortable with.,
I have some medical things, and therpey apointments this week as well and much more to do, Ive just be so very busy, I am going to turn in early tonight, and get a good workout.
Maybe read and also work on some PHP before going to bed, for the night. I also might work on my INTRANET, on my other server a bit, where I keep my life in order, and have a lot of personal information stored offsite.
I also have other things to work on, I am a bit sick and dizzy, I also figured out where the largest ANTI equity progressive church is located in San Francisco.
I also got a few respnoces from various ads I am running currently, I also composed a few other factors, and letters more recently as well
--Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Friday, May 2, 2008
Being Humble, Not Humble Texas
The reality is I love more for myself, and Had a wonderful meeting this morning, Other factors, are the reality of my life, self and understanding of self will, and enlightment for inner peace. I feel recharged, and am greatful for someone who taged me along yesteday to get stuck out of self, and co-depeandacy.
I have some step letters to work by, and found more sponsorship and my own personal jesus, I have apointments next week, I have two BBQ Invites on Sat, church on Sunday possibilly, and more to come.
I also found more of what I need and don't and hope a new friendship blossims into something more, but don't want to rush and ruin things, or develop co-dependacy, I also have backed down away from places, where I recently came off and had the displeasure while sober, and clean. Someone I have been around is not, and this person and suituion is not entirely un-avoidable, I also recetnly bitched about how Harm Reduction is librial bullshit, as are rehabs. Its my experance how I got sober.
I am pro Jail and lock up and tough drug penealitys even for casual users, but also support more customs and border enfrorcement of the large drug cartels and organised crime which smuggles drugs into the united states.
I had my moment of awakeing of my binge drinking problem, even though I was responciably, I had a realise that I might have a problem in the Harris County Jail, In Houston, texas in early 2007 and The City of Houston Jail in early 2007, I was sober shortly afterward, and made the choice to stop making bad chocies, I relpased shortly after the last Pride fest in 2007, and not at the fest but at home, after leaveing a emotionaly scarred, and abusve liviing suition and in my apartment complex.
I recently spoke to someone with the red cross, given my FEMA Deasater number, I am elggable for more aditional counceling, and I want the insainty to end, I want it to stop. I think california needs to understand the medical pot is not medicine all you are doing is allowing someone to use a federialy illegal drug, to forget their pain, there are natrual, legal, altertives.
I was hurt badly, from my accdient, workplace discrimantion, auto accident, bar fights, and tazering, and many other things, but I am stubborn like the capriororn mule I am, I know what I want and I also can be a cold hearted, selfish, stuck up bitch, with zero remosirce, its mY way or the highway, that doesnt get you very far.
I got sober the old fashioned, way I am more and very libral, and consertive on some things, I also am true to my souther roots, but also more to the spirit of the bay area. Maybe its just growing up in the south, who knows.
I am glad I burned out in insianity else where other than San Francisco, minus some drunkin trips doing money luandrying from Houston to San Francisco in my past, years ago or trips doing from New Orleans to San Francisco and Vice Versa.
I even have remebered some drunkin trips to Salt Lake City. I dont know the answers I honestly don't I just know its well not my problem and I have to move onward with life, and love of it self.
I Inivted folks to the event, and also sent others things. I might meet with my friend today as well. The others, the discovery of myself and who I am, and being and playing by the unoffical & unwrtien rules of the road to recovery and the road ahead, and getting through today is more sane and favorible than insinaity, panic and disorder.
I am very lucky to have what I have, and for that I am truly greatful and lucky, its not how much money you have, what you drive or where you live, its the heart and personal sollituide that is priceless and cant be gven, its worked and earned for in your own personal jesus, and enlilightment and personal awakeing in your moment of clarity.
--Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Sunday, April 27, 2008
The reality of what I need, is clear. I progress. Yesterday I was able to kick my bitch swtich on in a controled manner, and discuss the issues that were upseting me, I am spening most of the present in lonely solitude, I have some personal matters I need to work out.
I am composeing more for my soul. I know more for my self. I also have some homework for threpy this week on the adgenda, I have more to talk about. I have some resentments to work through. I went to many meetings this week.
I also discussed with friends the truth, I know more about my soul and innser self. Ive been pondering some matters as well. I spoke with other folks more recently about myself, I am determeand more than ever to rebuild my life here, remain here.
I spend time alone due to needing to work out some issues, I have a crush or two as well. But I have utterly high standards. I also have the collage thing to work out, the lost documents, a police report, and a few AA realted manners, it stinks to be called into service, but I like it, love it.
I talked to DLG, PMG, AND other factors, today. I took care of some fincial matters, I had to compose more. For myself. I also see a person who scares me in meeting as much I did others in 2005-early 2006 and onward. My resentments were bad mostly myself, But I am such a selfish bitch I dont want to admit my fault, I ran away sober, doing my geogrpahicl understaning the jounry, hardships I face now build me a good foundation for my contunied soberity, growing and prospering.
I posed a bit on various forums, I occasionly visit everything from Transgender equity, to GLBT rights, to my 4x4 tailgate, and other fourms with network and system admin. I worked more on my SQL, and PHP Database(s) and also updated more code, googles failure is fixed, and also worked more on my Upcoming San Francisoc Transgender Community and Resources, Maybe CW and I are not that much unalike, however discussing with my theprist, i associate my abuse, hate crime, and sexual assult with her, and I lashed out at her.
I have chosen to make arangements for my truck, I also met a few new folks today, but as of late just as my mother was most of her life, and as am I, a hermit, rarely comeing out of her shell, to often I am misunderstood.
I also have to go to the collage this week, and also look at a few places, my finical health has gone downa bit lately, I also took steps to begin repairing my credit, and repay debits, I did some job hunting my resocues and option I have is stil open, I have some closure, I lost my name and gender change documents, recently on MUNI hopefuly they will be rightfuly restored, the prospect of further idenity theft is unsettleing.
I ate ok, today, yesterday I had a yummy salad, and smoothie, I am enjoying the wide range of fruits avialbale in san francisco, and the deverity. I also have been sleeping a bit better. I have some palces I am going to look at in Ingleside, and Tresure Island as well as one or two in Oakland.
My my mother and others are doing, more about myself. And what I need to do for mysoul. I know more for what I need for myself and interpersonal enlightment for my soul. I love more myself, listen more and talk less, and observe the insanity of life, the world and work my program.
I also have an apointment with a socil worker this week for the depression and other issues I am faceing at the womens colnic. I have a makeup and hair apointment and consult, as well as an electro consult, and I have the collage, and also have an apointment with my doc about my HRT, and levaels and further letters and documents for me. I just am burned out and utterly pissed that my papers were left due to being so tired, but I had some really good food friday. I am less of a bitch and my bitch is under wraps.
I love life and enlightment.
--Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Ive been a trike both drunk and sober, and had more puzzlement if I'm a fem but tough when I have to be, The world seems to be more accommodating to us, But I get nasty comments every day, I also hate it when businesses that are not Trans-Phobic go out their way to do so, I am pretty liberal, but being overlay accommodating is well, Depressing and wrong.
I just want to be treated as a equal, not a transwoman. Just female, Blah equity sucks.
But what do I know? I'm not as they say a woman boran woyman, Ive even seen things which are funded by the city of San Francisco, to go as boldly to say "Only women born women" are allowed to attend. Needless to say it was a outreach rpobram it was on an event fl yer widely given out to drop in centers here
I would never go there, or want help from a group Like that, its like totally weird, the Trans-Phobia that exists is drastically diff rent than In Texas, Louisiana or Miss. But it exists but less so in San Francisco, I wonder if it exists due to fear of law suits, sometimes I will notice places will mam or sir folks but wont me, I also know some local businesses have even outed me as a trans-woman to other employee's.
But Given the Free Enterprise of capitol ism, I can chose where to spend my money. I only make a stand when It is just But Quietly observer, Ive thought of making a database of Trans-phobic businesses, in the bay area, and rate things on my upcoming San Francisco rescues forums
Ive also noticed GLBT friendly businesses are not always T friendly but I don't go out the way, to cause trouble. these days. Maybe a Unofficially appointed Unofficial watchdog is in the order for me. some of these businesses make the comment, and go out of the way to keep other employees from "miss" me or "out" me.--
I also lost some documents on a commuter train last night, called 311 and filed a Police report, a meeting is in order, Ive been a utter butch lately slightly insane, but just crappy. I lost my name maker change paper work tired aorund 10pm last night after a late night dinner a a lot of DMV paper work
I slept ok, I ate somewhat ok thismorning, and rested well. I have a concuelignapointment about my depression and PTSD at the womens clinic.
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
I just want to be treated as a equal, not a transwoman. Just female, Blah equity sucks.
But what do I know? I'm not as they say a woman boran woyman, Ive even seen things which are funded by the city of San Francisco, to go as boldly to say "Only women born women" are allowed to attend. Needless to say it was a outreach rpobram it was on an event fl yer widely given out to drop in centers here
I would never go there, or want help from a group Like that, its like totally weird, the Trans-Phobia that exists is drastically diff rent than In Texas, Louisiana or Miss. But it exists but less so in San Francisco, I wonder if it exists due to fear of law suits, sometimes I will notice places will mam or sir folks but wont me, I also know some local businesses have even outed me as a trans-woman to other employee's.
But Given the Free Enterprise of capitol ism, I can chose where to spend my money. I only make a stand when It is just But Quietly observer, Ive thought of making a database of Trans-phobic businesses, in the bay area, and rate things on my upcoming San Francisco rescues forums
Ive also noticed GLBT friendly businesses are not always T friendly but I don't go out the way, to cause trouble. these days. Maybe a Unofficially appointed Unofficial watchdog is in the order for me. some of these businesses make the comment, and go out of the way to keep other employees from "miss" me or "out" me.--
I also lost some documents on a commuter train last night, called 311 and filed a Police report, a meeting is in order, Ive been a utter butch lately slightly insane, but just crappy. I lost my name maker change paper work tired aorund 10pm last night after a late night dinner a a lot of DMV paper work
I slept ok, I ate somewhat ok thismorning, and rested well. I have a concuelignapointment about my depression and PTSD at the womens clinic.
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Friday, April 25, 2008
Today I am stressed out and close to buring out, I feel lost, and hurt. I feel my friend potrayed me and used, me. I feel hurt, I feel I was taken advange of, and debits not repayed. I am sober, and clean and productive but for what?
For what fucking reason?
I lost all, walked away from all, have not much to go back to. I hurt, badly and suffer daily in my soul. I try to find inner peace, joy and enlightment and progress into life.
The answer is I dont know, the answer is I cant answer, the truth is, I dont know.
I sobered, up in the reasoning of stoping drinking, I left houston because I reseneted my prior actions, I was honest with others about past actions.
I am tried of suffering, badly. I feel potrayed my good, friend was a sham, she fliped out, even when I was honest she used, me. She is lazy, and doesnt know much, but was fun. I will never become co-dependant that way again, and be used. I am afraid.
I am tired, if I cant remove my desire to drink I want to kill myself, the desire to drink or kill myself to scrafivce my safety given when I drink I am a danger to myself and others is very real. Instutuoin is not, I cant admit defeat for this reason, but I move on but death and the grim reaper is near, I am tired, hungry, lonely and sober and tired of fucking suffering.
This Document Composed by
McInnis Lee Gaetjens “Leigh”
PO BOX 425081
SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94142
(713) 578-0016 MOBILE PHONE / VOICEMAIL
LEEMCG.COM / LEEMCG@LEEMCG .COM
04/24/2008 This Document composed on 4/24/2008 for the weekly meeting and upcoming board meeting
To the Board and fellowship Of the Morning Church Street Fellowship of AA 12-step meetings
Section I – The Problem
I present that Mike Has been Loud and Disrupting, and makes many members of the room feel unsafe. And further more,
(1.) Mike Continues to carry a Illegal Concealed weapon and publicly brandish a “auto club” which is not being used for its intended purpose, and also has stated “He gets beat up and in flights, and carries it for his own protection”
(2.) Mike carries a bottle of booze, into the meetings in his waist band,
(3.) Mike continues to come into the rooms under the use, of drinking and crystal meth, (self-admited) and possibly other unknown illegal and mind altering substances
(4.) Mike has made some minor threats to other women, and made many folks unsafe, and Jepordises the people who are new in sobriety (less than 18 months to 2 years)
(5.) Mike Gets up and goes to the bathroom, (possibly to use or drink) and goes in and out, and almost constantly has been disruptive and asked to leave for the past two (2) weeks
(6.)0 Mike has made me uncomfortable with his unwanted advances, and others as well
(7.) On other occasions outside the meetings, Mike in recent times has ganged op on me with some of his party street friends, and others who occasionally visit the meetings. I have been pushed down the stairs, I have been aggressively panhandled, I have had my arm grabbed outside 18th street on one occasion
(8.) Mike has said after his threats and asking him to leave, on Monday, on Tuesday that “ I am a police informant for the homicide officer that is following him and I should be dealt with”
(9.) I had to call the police due to mike making me extremely uncomfortable due to keeping a club, and deadly weapon as well as a empty booze bottle (very large) I called 911 from my cellular phone (713) 578-0016 two times at 7:30 am, mike was asked to leave shortly afterward, the police arrived around 8:18 AM. And said they would talk to him and left after I had another witness that was willing to back things up
(10.) Mike has been made aware and coached on numerous occasions about his actions terrosiign the meeting and safe haven of AA and that his actions make others afraid and uncomfortable and are not acceptable behaviors.
Section II Facts
The points outlined, above state the following Facts
Facts: #1-8
(1.) As a group which leases the Privilege to use the Space, The church that we lease from needs to be made aware of Mikes Actions due to the fact it is a insurance and personal injury liability
(2.) The Police need to be made aware of mikes actions (by groups of us making a police report at a substation) Not doing this opens the church, and fellowship to Criminal and Civil Liability
(3.) Mike is not mike, The drinking, drugs, and crystal meth and his described actions make Mike a Danger to the group and the continued privilege to use the rooms at the church
(4.) We need to make the Church Administration aware of Mike and Mikes actions, to protect the church, and us as chairs and fellowship and members from Criminal, Civil Liability and as a common courtesy given we are being allowed the privilege to use the property and being good neighbors of AA. And Maybe a GSR or Central office Rep should be further consulted
PAGE 1-OF-
(5.) Mike is a public safety hazard in the meeting, a Personal Injury hazard, to Himself, Others and The Group Fellowship of AA, and The Church, and a Civil and Criminal Liability risk due to the Reasons Listed In
(6.) We are not helping Mike if we allow Him to Disrupt our sanctuary, and continue his self-destructive actions.
(7.) Mikes daily actions are defeating us from our primary purpose to stay sober and stop drinking and help other members of AA, who want to stay sober, and achieve sobriety from doing such, Mikes actions are scaring away new comers, women and people with long term soberity
(8.) Mikes & Other folks acting in Mikes manner and their actions are taking away from the time from people who want to be there,
Section III
Opinions:
It is the opinion of myself and reason Logic:
(1.) That I don't have a problem with mike, I have a problem with Mikes actions and Behaviors both witnessed and documented and Undocumented and Unreported
(2.) Mike is taking advantage of our kindness, to get free coffee, get out the cold, and possibly steal (a purse was stolen recently) and use drugs or spike his coffee with booze and or illegal drugs.
(3.)Mike is using the meetings liberal spirt and forgiveness, while I genuinely do not have a problem with mike, Mike Is Not Mike The drinking, drug use, Is a danger to Himself, and others. And taking us away from those who want to remain sober, we are allowing mike to distract from the meeting
(4.) If Mike hurts anyone we as a group members, the church, and leaders could be held labile in a wrongful death lawsuit or personal injury lawsuit
(5.)Mike should not be allowed in the rooms carrying a weapon, or drugs
(6.) Mike should have a set of guidelines to be allowed in the rooms for our safety as a group from physical harm, and legal and civil law suits and the church
(7.) Mike should not be allowed to bring a booze in the meeting, Mike should not be allowed to consume coffee, continue to move around, or go to the bathroom (possibly using drugs or putting booze in his coffee)
(8.) Mike needs to be searched going into the rooms, and listen and not move around causing disruptions
(8B) Mike Needs professional mental health, and substance abuse treatment, we should try to have a judge or police officer 51-50 Himself
(9.) I haw tried to be liberal in spirt with mike, even if my own past, I have been in shoes simulr to mike, it endangers my sobriety and I understand what mike is going through
(10.) I personally believe Mike Might understand he has a problem, but cant stop his self destroying actions, I don't think he wants to harm himself, or Others. But due to his drinking and drug use He is a large danger to himself and others due to the well established unpredictably of someone under the influence of illegal substances
(11.)Mike is distracting the meeting from its primary purpose of staying sober and stop drinking, he is causing many folks to feel uncomfortable where the meeting is not productive, and therefore not achieving its primary purpose
(12.) We should try and make accommodations mike, with very strict guidelines and simple and for all members of the group, perhaps Intergroup or rules from First Place or another meeting could be adopted or drafted and approved my majority vote
Section IV
Suggested Course(S) of Action In Addtion to matters listed in Section III (opnions)
(a.) We Need to make it clear to Mike He Is not welcome until he can come to a meeting, not armed with a deadly, dangerous object, concealed weapon, or item which could be used as a device to harm others.
(b.) All who feel afraid by mikes actions, need to go to the police substation, Ideally as a group fellowship, to make a report against mike and his constant destructive actions.
Page 2-of-3
(c.) If Mike Is to continue to attend those meetings, a MALE member needs to be called upon, to search mike for deadly objects, drugs, booze bottles, Mike is to remain seated, and if he leaves, gets up for coffee, or goes to the bathroom, he needs to leave the property for the day and consider himself “86ed” until the next meeting and or board meeting given the groups feelings of that date.
(d.) If No one is available or willing to search mike, and Mike does not follow the guidelines above or that we set he needs to leave in a clam respectful manner, which does not disturb others
(e.) Mike needs to leave female members alone, that are afraid of him or not want to correspond with him, in his present state of mind, and this could be a confession for attending the 12-step meetings, if he can not abide by this rule he needs to be asked to leaves
(f)Mike due to safety reasons should be required to check bags until leaving, if he does not comply he should be asked to leave or if NO willing member able to provide this service he should be asked to leave.
(g.) I f Mike wants help, we should as a group, and fellowship of AA not destructing from our primary purpose, to stay sober and stop drinking. We Should if he asks for treatment or mental health assistance call SFPD to 51-50 him, or self-commit himself. Service is part of the fellowship of AA, and part of San Francisco Liberal Spirt.
(h) If Mike continues to make unwanted sexual advances, or harass or bother female members of AA, he should be asked to leave for the day.
(I) We should try and allow him to attend mike, with very strict guidelines and simple and for all members of the group, perhaps Intergroup or rules from First Place or another meeting could be adopted or drafted and approved my majority vote
(J) Everyone deserves a chance, but Mike and others are taking advance of our kindness and distracting us from Our primary purpose, to stay sober and help others, which the numerous disruptions, out bursts, sexual advances need to be addressed
(K) I also don't think other folks who have poor hygiene should be kicked out for that reason, everyone needs, AA, even the poor beggar, if they are not disruptive or a danger to the group another member should be swap places, with the offend individual, and swap chairs to minimize disruptions to the meeting in a discreet manner, its part of the unity and service portion that allows AA to work, and not all newcomers come from clean, and oak backgrounds, and is very over-judgemenal, and not very giving
I think application of guidelines, should be addressed on a case, by case basis in accordance with the individual and unity and service as a group at a board meeting.
.
A set of concquecnes and policty guidelines needs to be estblahsed for Mikes and other possible actions for the chair and as a group for dealing with matters such as this in the future but with the group present as a whole, but not deverting into a social group, just something very simple one page and swift so the meeting can continue as quickly as possible.
Page 3-of-3
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
