02/02/08

Yesterday was rough sort of, my sinus infection is coming back. I am however in good health and spirits, the election on super Tuesday is upcoming as is the super bowl. I also have laundry and possibly some shoe shopping to do. And maybe get a few more coats.

I had to run across town a bit last night, and had some temptation of the wrong sort, and passed some places and smelled the sweet smell of booze amongst club goers. I had to go to three places last night before I got rest, and wore myself out and also had two mess ups there as well and other issues to take care of.

I spent a bit of today with thoughts and pondering, praying and wondering whats right or wrong. But know my path is the right one even if scary and unsure as to who, what, when or why I am here, only to have a spiritual temperance with myself, my sponsor, and my own restless and sickness as a individual and physical ailments.

Zen is en route I thought I would share a few more photographs.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

Life in the fast lane in SICK city

11/03/07

Ive been very sick as of late, I'm not sure whats wrong with me, or what My body and higher power is commutating with me. I have a flu like symptoms, and I might have a mild fever. And have a lot of cold, or sickness. I am going on bed rest. I dropped the platter off for the church in the morning, braving the galleria area on a sat morning, and west park is getting rougher.

The election turnout in harris county is a bomb, given whats at stake, we need more bonds for our drainage, and roads. The massive influx of Louisiana residents, has hurt the roads and infrastructure, as well as students (non full time) that do not follow the law and pay harris county tax, for breaking the law. We should model our tax system after California and even use the red light cam with OCR to enforce the rule breakers and scaffolds which also there are a lot in the Law obeying Latter Day Saint – Mormon church that does it.

We have a Lot of other issues at stake and things that need to be done and finished, there is a lot at stake in Harris county. And the state of Texas, I hope kinky runs again for office. I also went to a meeting last night, and one tonight, picked up a 2^nd sponsor when I needed it. I'm going to try and stay home and rest tomorrow night.

Ordered one of the parts for my truck, I'm going to need to get two new back tires soon, and get the oil changed, the sideways filter is a bitch. And do some lubing and greasing of the chassis and wheel bearings and cv joints, I also need to clean the air filter and subfliter and cabin air filters.

I also browsed, and pondered and had some wonderful insights into my grateful ness and have someone whom is good for me. I am learning again about listening and growing and prospering into myself.

My soul hurts and I have cleaned up a lot, have to still make that appointment Monday or Tuesday I need to rest and Capricorns work hard at what they do, even I drive a Capricorn type auto.

I did some more reading today to expand my mind and grow more, and learned much more about myself. I also read more and more, and well will get rest on the sabbith.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

the life of me

10/22/07

Today the cold and rain the weather I like, also brings me suffering, My body hurts badly when it rains like this, the joints and my hand aches, I must go shopping for mittens and fingerless gloves given Mine are lost, they help the suffering and pain less.

I awoke early this morning and took care of affiors but the appointment at 10:30 was bad the weather was bad and I got lost, I made it back near home due to the weather, and the bad weather is nerve racking and It reminds me of my traffic accident.

I wish I had a prius or a small hatchback or honda or something sometimes or a 3-series convertible due to the weather and driving in bad weather is nerve racking and I don't enjoy it as much. I don't even enjoy driving anymore.

I met someone last night whom, we talked a good part of the night on the phone we have a lot in common, and I might consider after I get affairs in order moving to DFW or going back to SFO with her, she and I have a lot in common.

I am fasting today for spiritual reasons to bring me closer to Christ, and I miss my family and wish someone understood me. I wish I wasn't alone but I have to be alone right now, to finish my tasks at hand, and bring order to my life. I don't need any changes and I am working on a painful list of those I wronged with my sponsor, and people tell me this and that blah blah blah. And Its to much bull shit and drama in meetings, I go when I need to but I have a lot to do to make my goals, and I don't know it hurts so bad, I did things wrong.

I have forgiven to a degree those who abused, me given I abused others, and I can let go, with the drama. I forgive them, but want my day of justice but I don't deserve it for the verbal, emotional abuse I caused others locally. I choose to stay alone, I am quiet shy and laid back more so due to the fact I don't want to get my ego and narcissism on.

I made bad choices, in friendships, had someone who accepted and understood me and drove them away in fear. I don't resent that because that was 2 years ago, but I understand how they feel about me and accept that as the consequence of their actions. I still have fear in the weather, flashing lights on two trucks, fire engines, or the sight of a security or police or law enforcement auto.

I have been remembering more pain and so bad things I did, and the worst part is. I'm not any better than the abuse I had at work, on and off the job. I did it to others, and I am guilty. The holidays are coming up and I'm going to spend it alone this year, sober and well just sort of alone. Maybe thats how I need to be, I need to let the pain ozzee in.

I have laundry today, some grocery shopping for later in the week and a therapy appointment and to make a doctors appointment. I am afraid and don't know what to do, but I am going to do it and face my fears and bring the pain on.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

My day and growth of myself in 90 days around self-discovery and clarity

10/13/07

After a rough night last night picked up my 90 day sobriety chip. Made it im green luck of the Irish in other news, I waxed and washed my truck today, I have some touch up spots, to do. I have to go to the mini storage soon to do some work. I'm enjoying the cool Texas nights and breeze of the south west freeway near by and state highway 288.

Ive lately wanted to go surfboarding on the beach, or take a drive to Galveston island. But I have work to do and to focus on the task at hand. I talked to Brandi last night, missed Nancy call today.

I watched part of some loony, lame brain move, air bud with sonny today. Made my day. Also slept till l0 went the the awesome noon meeting on Saturday at lambda. The drama is not here, cl airy is here, thats by far one of the best fucking aa meetings in space city. Cooked a yummy breakfast today, and did go running lost more weight recnely been taking good care of myself im getting close back down to 160 lbs my ideal weight I am happy with and still a health weight for me and my changes.

I might go running tomorrow and work and pack up some storage. Did some house cleaning and brought more order or trying to bring order to my disorder might do that late tonight.

Have grocery's in the fridge, bought some overpriced OJ yesterday. And washed and have some more waxing to do recently

I also need to take a drive in the next few weeks to costco and make other plans to move. I went shopping more recently also. I have more things coming in, doctors appointment, and some writers block, ive been dealing with some painful issues, and need to go to meetings more often.

People admire and respect me, and my sobriety I am sure, I just have been taking care of personal matters and removing my stress and drama from my life.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)