Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Slept well, a little too well, my sickness was a huge misunderstanding and wrong medical progronosis. I also was very nervous of the possibly I may have been carrying around and spreading sickness to some individuals whom were very sick.
I also was treated poorly at San Francisco General Hospital by an X-ray tech, I contacted the Patient advocate office, as well as a legal firm to advocate on my behalf, I
t’s the second time almost a year to the day a doctor made a false prognosis, to me being a carrier to severe TB, what the fuck is up with the lacking of our health care system, and bad doctors anyway?
To make matters worse, the room where they warehouse potential infected individuals, was very warm, the environmental controls were not set properly, and I refused to sit in a room with at least one very sick individual coughing very badly in a germ filled cesspool.
I am going to be going to P0S today to pick up some things, and my big book and 12 X 12, as well as my other backpack, one bit the dust again. I also had a dream last night of my ex-partner in crime.
I also hope my friend made it back to aussie well. I had to reflash my AT&T tilt, and lost the sync cable to a pickpocket on BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) I believe. That’s one thing I don’t like about the bay area, people don’t have any standing up for themselves, or southern hospitably, and to many teachers, gangbangers, and thieves.
I received a call last night from a Support Group, which I had a disagreement, and did not repeat same mistakes in Houston, I told them I have some affairs to get in order before being considered to return, and had a nice peaceful conversation.
SKR is moving to Berkeley, and I suggested a meeting at the Berkeley AA Fellowship, which I occasionally attend. I’ve changed meetings a bit MB said hello to me on The SF Muni F Line, (I didn’t feel like the MUNI METRO subway today)
I also have had a reaction possibly to some defective cosmetics, and my face peeled, Or it could be the weather, I canceled my electro appointment today. Its burning and Im breaking out very badly, and feel nasty.
I also have to give kudos to the folks who DID treat me with respect at SF general yesterday duing the false TB scare, they were very kind and helpful toward me, and assisited me with finding the right place to file a formal complaint with discriminatory practices with health care.
I do hope President Elect Obama, keeps his promises to the Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Queer, and Transgender community.
I also hope he is a good leader, and doesn’t allow terrorist or handles the Iraq war and middle east confulclts properly, I do worry about the war on terror under the leadership of Obama, as well as his safety with right wing nut job skinhead groups who have already made threats
before he was even elected there were attempts made on him, It would sadden me for him to be another tragedy such as JFK, I hope if the unfortunate attempt on President Obama is made, he makes out as well or better when the attempt was made on Ronald Regan, I do hope he stays safe, he is the first democratic president I voted for, and he is my president whom I voted and campained for.
I think President Bush is a dumbass for his stupid little ploy for the protected wetlands, which is a good thing but a political ploy in his last weeks in office, while I voted for him twice, and at one time was a Bush supporter.
I also think he has hurt and was wrong to Use the EPA to sue the State of California over its tough emissions standards, I was not a big believer in global warming, and envorminetllism until I lived in the most polluted, envormentally unfriendly, smog filled, city in the United States (Houston, texas)
I lot about me changed in Houston, My blood was shed, I found myself and found and lost god, and found god again, I joined the party and left it. I found my true self, at age twenty-four. I learned a lot about life and the hard kicks of life, spent some time in the dirties and nastiest county jail In Texas.
And I settled down and headed west, and found life and god and learned more about myself, and continue to do such
Ive thought of my domain TGSFO.com, and what I want to do with it. I am going to continue to set up the BBS system, and mailing list, resource database. I want to emulate it along the lines of trueselves.com ; transhouston.com ; beginning life forums ; and gender web forums as well as a resource and referral listings that the SF GLBT center has.
It’s a project in progress which I don’t have much time for at the present moment, perhaps Ill start decanting a weekend at the Berkeley Public Library, which I find to be very relaxing the downtown branch on the 2nd floor. I also find the SF Main Liberia sixth floor room to be drama and riff raff proof the special collections room.
This weekend, I saw Mike and Woody get into a bottle fight in the Safe Way parking lot and SFPD respond, I wish they would get into a treatment program, I saw one junkie get so wasted his leg rotted off and he was so crippled, I hope he got help or something I hope he didn’t die. I have seen many sad things, and stories and tales of addiction in The bay area.
I hope god willing our woman of Safeway does not restart the coffee service. That will bring the meeting into utter chaos, lately vie been a bit angry, and lost and distracted. I am working on that, I am aware my defects of charter and selfishness can make me unpleasant to be around.
It took me years of pain to learn patience, which by no means am I perfect, and to be able to let go of the past and make progress. I suppose I spent part of my life angry at the world, god, found god for the wrong reasons as a religious cure for all, than lost it because I picked the one of the most anti GLBT religions to convert to.
I carried anger around, and built it up and dove into projects such as computer gaming, tried to be someone I wasn’t. Almost married once in Texas. I also did cars, and was selfish, sexist, dominating, and pigheaded.
I took others advice, and suggestions as insults anger and resentments. I did nasty things to people who cared, and followed my father’s example in drowning in my sorrows of barrooms, tailgating and falsity wonderland, with lies, deception and using folks.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for friends and family\
2.) Grateful to have left the south
3.) Grateful to have president elect Obama taking office soon.
4.) For the wonderful foggy damp san francisco weather I love so much
5.) For having a wonderful sponsor
The List
1.) Pick up backpack, 12x12 + big book
2.) Check Mail
3.) Send documents to DLG
4.) Follow up with Transgender Law Center, NCLR + San Francisco general hospital
5.) Do homework for sponsor
6.) Call SF School of bartending, put down payment
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Showing posts with label san francisco. Show all posts
Showing posts with label san francisco. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Monday, December 8, 2008
Progress report
Monday, December 08, 2008
The reality of my sobriety, this morning was walking through the Castro before a meeting walked in on a smash and grab, san Francisco’s finest responded fast, and the tweaker was arrested and I was questioned, and found not involved with it.
Furthermore, the person I want to become. Is clearer, I desire to be less of an attention whore-ish, self centered-selfish bitch. And more charitable, kind and pleasant to be in the company thereof. The Houston Police Officer whom was gunned down was a nice officer, who let me go on a minor traffic ticket once.
Spoke to ray hill who saw milk again. I also have been talking with sponsor whom grew up in Houston, Texas. And knows some folks that I am still on speaking terms with. I got tired of being alone, and was able to achive more here than I was in Houston, yet still feel home sick for the lone star state.
Moreover, I think my resentment toward christen, guilt and shame is best dealt with by staying away, The reality as it stands is I am unwelcome and need to back down, I don’t always have to be right and need to learn to practice these principles in all my affairs.
I installed some new php, sql and other code to the server, I also backed up files today. I also have to send some documents to the insurance company, applied for a new apartment today. I also attempted to call in to my sponsor. I went to orphan Andy’s this morning for coffee.
Furthermore I updated and am working on leemcg.com and leighmcinnisgaetjens.com as well. I also backed up photos to my backup server. Currently my mood suits Led zeppelin. Ran into a old friend shelly today. Whom we are a bit friendly she was headed to Oakland on Bart to get some um, work done.
Spoke a bit to my former religious past whom I moved onward from mainly I’m what missionaries call just friendly, I moved on from Organized religion and the so called fear establishment of oh my god!
Recently linked up with an old friend via yahoo messenger is married and doing well, never thought this person would grow the fuck up.
Gratitude List
1.) That I have oppertunitys here
2.) That I have friends, family and people who care in San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, Portland, Seattle, New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Dallas, Austin, and Houston.
3.) That I keep in touch with my own personal jesus
4.) That I have a plan and commitment to my plan
5.) That I am getting things achived.
The List
1.) Mail documents to finance company
2.) Turn in early to finish work tomorrow
3.) Mail copy’s of documents to DLG
4.) Get extra keys for PS and USPS for DLG and MLS
5.) Give log on info to MLS and DLG
6.) Give contact info for MLS and DLG
7.) Make some amends with pac
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
The reality of my sobriety, this morning was walking through the Castro before a meeting walked in on a smash and grab, san Francisco’s finest responded fast, and the tweaker was arrested and I was questioned, and found not involved with it.
Furthermore, the person I want to become. Is clearer, I desire to be less of an attention whore-ish, self centered-selfish bitch. And more charitable, kind and pleasant to be in the company thereof. The Houston Police Officer whom was gunned down was a nice officer, who let me go on a minor traffic ticket once.
Spoke to ray hill who saw milk again. I also have been talking with sponsor whom grew up in Houston, Texas. And knows some folks that I am still on speaking terms with. I got tired of being alone, and was able to achive more here than I was in Houston, yet still feel home sick for the lone star state.
Moreover, I think my resentment toward christen, guilt and shame is best dealt with by staying away, The reality as it stands is I am unwelcome and need to back down, I don’t always have to be right and need to learn to practice these principles in all my affairs.
I installed some new php, sql and other code to the server, I also backed up files today. I also have to send some documents to the insurance company, applied for a new apartment today. I also attempted to call in to my sponsor. I went to orphan Andy’s this morning for coffee.
Furthermore I updated and am working on leemcg.com and leighmcinnisgaetjens.com as well. I also backed up photos to my backup server. Currently my mood suits Led zeppelin. Ran into a old friend shelly today. Whom we are a bit friendly she was headed to Oakland on Bart to get some um, work done.
Spoke a bit to my former religious past whom I moved onward from mainly I’m what missionaries call just friendly, I moved on from Organized religion and the so called fear establishment of oh my god!
Recently linked up with an old friend via yahoo messenger is married and doing well, never thought this person would grow the fuck up.
Gratitude List
1.) That I have oppertunitys here
2.) That I have friends, family and people who care in San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, Portland, Seattle, New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Dallas, Austin, and Houston.
3.) That I keep in touch with my own personal jesus
4.) That I have a plan and commitment to my plan
5.) That I am getting things achived.
The List
1.) Mail documents to finance company
2.) Turn in early to finish work tomorrow
3.) Mail copy’s of documents to DLG
4.) Get extra keys for PS and USPS for DLG and MLS
5.) Give log on info to MLS and DLG
6.) Give contact info for MLS and DLG
7.) Make some amends with pac
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Slept well last night, doing laundry today, also going to work on brining LEEMCG.COM up to the new server and make a custom 404 error page. Im reinstalling some of the server modules, and extensions. I also have to bring up a few other things
I talked to Clair Fairly, and saw Jenna, at the TLGB center; I also spoke to someone and have a follow up leads to do. I worked on some issues with my program, I need to get out more and around, and will start working on that. I found something possibly a 3rd love interest in San Francisco, I don’t want to get my heart broken again, I’ll take things slower this time, without the U-Haul Metaphorically speaking.
Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual, my heart is in Information Tech, but Non Profits are where I want to be or a civil servant. I admire those who serve the public trust, and do good deeds where a lot of need is to be done in San Francisco.
I’ve managed to dodge some of the common pitfalls some individuals make here off and on, But continue to grow, after laundry today I have a drop or two to make as well. I also have other things I need to do at POS, and issues and logistics to iron out.
Moreover, I need to be less outgoing and annoying, and also work on my social issues, and trauma, and pain and agony in my heart. Somewhat I am reluctant to let go of manners, it’s what keeps me motive and such a hard worker and push myself so hard.
I think I am going to start volunteering someplace, and I took an orientation someplace, I also have some files to back up as well (Think DVD-R & DVD+RW)
Furthermore, I have been thinking of life, myself and where I want to be in a few years, I am going to cut some areas out but also keep some, I’ve also thought of some finical matters, and my fathers hatred of me, but also love, even if obscure.
I have séance moved on, I have been having much delight in my progress with my electrosist whom has been working wonders, I have about half way where I need to be and it helps a lot,
I also am tired of facing persuction, based on other TG folks actions, demeanor and hate and think most transgender folks in this city have other issues to iron out, and showing your 5 o’clock shadow is fucking disgusting.
For example threes this one girl whom we dislike each other dearly, she pisses like a fucking man in a women’s bathroom, in public city government owned building and I have witnessed her do this many times before , private that’s just fucking nasty and disgusting. One time I was shaken down due to something she did in a public building and proudly displayed my F Drivers License to a law enforcement officer that was responding to complaints of “men dressed as women harassing in the bathroom”
Whom this officer, took me for a “witness lineup” which I was cleared of doing “obscene sexual acts ”and committing “criminal trespass” and “various sex crimes” the fact that SFPD hates TG folks or some of them do, I don’t blame them for stereotypes, given the trash they have to put up with.
If I was a cop, Id problem just be as pissed off with queers, trans-women, homeless and all the shit SFPD has to put up with in bay view, the tenderloin, hunters point, the mission and just law enforcement bullshit amongst them selves, and as a cop day to day. Its why I like cops in general, seriously I would love to date a really butch cop.
But I’m always nice, and avoid law enforcement interactions as much as humanly possible, and they for the most part respect me, and I’ve been told by one sometimes “bad things happen to nice good people”
Its interesting and fascinates me to see the generation gap in Law Enforcement and how the treat and deal with Transgender women, we are lucky to have someone as the president of the police commission such as commissioner sparks which by the way is a Trans-woman. Whom I bump into on occasion, on the street, in the Castro, pacific heights, and even inside a police station when I was filing a report or going to with someone to file a report as a friend of bill Wilson
Another Example of disgusting transgender behavior, is voice pitch, demeanor, and mannerisms, it’s no wonder this disgusting woman or so called woman, who had a drug and drinking problem and violates he body by having sex with men.
I don’t understand how (pre-op) Transgender women could disgustingly sleep with yuck Boys, I have my orientation but Like trans-men, at least we have something in common, and trans-women (post-ops) and women. Nevertheless, I do not use women’s places of scanty nor have I ever sold my body, nor done illegal drugs.
The other point is when I drink or go out there which today is sixteen months as of 7-13-2007 when desperate for a solution I walked into the doors of Lambda Center in Houston, Texas. Furthermore, It’s a mile stone one day at a time, this January I will have 18 months sober, and also be celebrating my twenty eighth natal birthday.
Furthermore, I have not had any nightmares but have a topic to discuss with my therapist today regarding my Post-Traumatic Stress. I have an issue to discuss with her about something I noticed about myself and a way to relax and some part of my trauma that’s affecting my day to day life.
I have a love interest possibly, that’s puzzling me and how that relates to my recovery more about this later.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be alive
2.) Grateful to have folks with something in common, and my our lady of safe way fellowship
3.) Grateful to be myself
4.) Grateful to be in San Francisco
5.) Grateful to be emotionally secure
6.) Grateful to have a sponsor
7.) Grateful to have food, clothing, shelter and money in the bank
8.) Grateful to have my basic needs met
9.) Grateful to be in control of my life
10.) Grateful to be secure in myself
The list
1.) Meeting
2.) Do homework
3.) Make mental note to acquire file cabinet for space
4.) Make note to FedEx items to DLG plus X-Mass Gifts
5.) Laundry
6.) Perform research for clients
7.) Continue to grow and let people in
8.) Pray to my own personal goddess
9.) Write letter to San Francisco Chronicle
10.) Work on e-mail, website, leemcg.com, banking, payments, improving my life
It also soon marks a 6 months séance becoming legally female, in some retrospects, and other mannerisms. I still have a long way to go. In addition, going legit is hard; I see why the power, money, fortune, fame, and my sickness is what got me here.
By golly! I would not have it any other way for I am Leigh McInnis Gaetjens
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Slept well last night, doing laundry today, also going to work on brining LEEMCG.COM up to the new server and make a custom 404 error page. Im reinstalling some of the server modules, and extensions. I also have to bring up a few other things
I talked to Clair Fairly, and saw Jenna, at the TLGB center; I also spoke to someone and have a follow up leads to do. I worked on some issues with my program, I need to get out more and around, and will start working on that. I found something possibly a 3rd love interest in San Francisco, I don’t want to get my heart broken again, I’ll take things slower this time, without the U-Haul Metaphorically speaking.
Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual, my heart is in Information Tech, but Non Profits are where I want to be or a civil servant. I admire those who serve the public trust, and do good deeds where a lot of need is to be done in San Francisco.
I’ve managed to dodge some of the common pitfalls some individuals make here off and on, But continue to grow, after laundry today I have a drop or two to make as well. I also have other things I need to do at POS, and issues and logistics to iron out.
Moreover, I need to be less outgoing and annoying, and also work on my social issues, and trauma, and pain and agony in my heart. Somewhat I am reluctant to let go of manners, it’s what keeps me motive and such a hard worker and push myself so hard.
I think I am going to start volunteering someplace, and I took an orientation someplace, I also have some files to back up as well (Think DVD-R & DVD+RW)
Furthermore, I have been thinking of life, myself and where I want to be in a few years, I am going to cut some areas out but also keep some, I’ve also thought of some finical matters, and my fathers hatred of me, but also love, even if obscure.
I have séance moved on, I have been having much delight in my progress with my electrosist whom has been working wonders, I have about half way where I need to be and it helps a lot,
I also am tired of facing persuction, based on other TG folks actions, demeanor and hate and think most transgender folks in this city have other issues to iron out, and showing your 5 o’clock shadow is fucking disgusting.
For example threes this one girl whom we dislike each other dearly, she pisses like a fucking man in a women’s bathroom, in public city government owned building and I have witnessed her do this many times before , private that’s just fucking nasty and disgusting. One time I was shaken down due to something she did in a public building and proudly displayed my F Drivers License to a law enforcement officer that was responding to complaints of “men dressed as women harassing in the bathroom”
Whom this officer, took me for a “witness lineup” which I was cleared of doing “obscene sexual acts ”and committing “criminal trespass” and “various sex crimes” the fact that SFPD hates TG folks or some of them do, I don’t blame them for stereotypes, given the trash they have to put up with.
If I was a cop, Id problem just be as pissed off with queers, trans-women, homeless and all the shit SFPD has to put up with in bay view, the tenderloin, hunters point, the mission and just law enforcement bullshit amongst them selves, and as a cop day to day. Its why I like cops in general, seriously I would love to date a really butch cop.
But I’m always nice, and avoid law enforcement interactions as much as humanly possible, and they for the most part respect me, and I’ve been told by one sometimes “bad things happen to nice good people”
Its interesting and fascinates me to see the generation gap in Law Enforcement and how the treat and deal with Transgender women, we are lucky to have someone as the president of the police commission such as commissioner sparks which by the way is a Trans-woman. Whom I bump into on occasion, on the street, in the Castro, pacific heights, and even inside a police station when I was filing a report or going to with someone to file a report as a friend of bill Wilson
Another Example of disgusting transgender behavior, is voice pitch, demeanor, and mannerisms, it’s no wonder this disgusting woman or so called woman, who had a drug and drinking problem and violates he body by having sex with men.
I don’t understand how (pre-op) Transgender women could disgustingly sleep with yuck Boys, I have my orientation but Like trans-men, at least we have something in common, and trans-women (post-ops) and women. Nevertheless, I do not use women’s places of scanty nor have I ever sold my body, nor done illegal drugs.
The other point is when I drink or go out there which today is sixteen months as of 7-13-2007 when desperate for a solution I walked into the doors of Lambda Center in Houston, Texas. Furthermore, It’s a mile stone one day at a time, this January I will have 18 months sober, and also be celebrating my twenty eighth natal birthday.
Furthermore, I have not had any nightmares but have a topic to discuss with my therapist today regarding my Post-Traumatic Stress. I have an issue to discuss with her about something I noticed about myself and a way to relax and some part of my trauma that’s affecting my day to day life.
I have a love interest possibly, that’s puzzling me and how that relates to my recovery more about this later.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be alive
2.) Grateful to have folks with something in common, and my our lady of safe way fellowship
3.) Grateful to be myself
4.) Grateful to be in San Francisco
5.) Grateful to be emotionally secure
6.) Grateful to have a sponsor
7.) Grateful to have food, clothing, shelter and money in the bank
8.) Grateful to have my basic needs met
9.) Grateful to be in control of my life
10.) Grateful to be secure in myself
The list
1.) Meeting
2.) Do homework
3.) Make mental note to acquire file cabinet for space
4.) Make note to FedEx items to DLG plus X-Mass Gifts
5.) Laundry
6.) Perform research for clients
7.) Continue to grow and let people in
8.) Pray to my own personal goddess
9.) Write letter to San Francisco Chronicle
10.) Work on e-mail, website, leemcg.com, banking, payments, improving my life
It also soon marks a 6 months séance becoming legally female, in some retrospects, and other mannerisms. I still have a long way to go. In addition, going legit is hard; I see why the power, money, fortune, fame, and my sickness is what got me here.
By golly! I would not have it any other way for I am Leigh McInnis Gaetjens
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Had a semi productive day, defragged the servers HDD, and did some routine naissance on my system. Continued to grow as an individual met someone special this morning, as well. Attended High noon today, went out a bit, have some employment things to do for clair.
Also might have a very very good lead on a place in the east bay which makes me very happy given its Berkeley as well. Or south Berkeley near the pacific center which is a double woot,
Furthermore, and sadly My grandmother was taken off the venletor today, and slowly quit breathing, as her body shut down. I miss her, dearly, but know shes looking after me above.
Furthermore, I wonder if she was in an in-between state. As I was on January 26, 2007 when I had a spiritual experience. Moreover, made changes in my life, and self-reformed my life.
I also could have ousted someone today, but didn’t. I also am going to attempt to converse with an individual whom I think should stand up for herself in more of a degree, but learned enjoying the séance is more progressive to Trans-Phobia sometimes, not every battle should be won.
Nor, is every battle worth fighting for, even if its hate.
I as of late struggle to get and let go of my inner terror, and demons and trauma. I also wonder if I will ever have a live and be secure again, I have a plan for some spirituality in my self today, perhaps I could be productive for myself.
Ive been locking individuals out, and being alone, and that’s just not cool. But I can’t have fun or enjoyment, I feel empty, lost and meaningless.
Gratitude List
1.)I am grateful for to be able to work on coping with pain and loss of my grandmother
2.) I am grateful to be sober
3.) I am grateful for clothing, shelter, and food
4.) I am grateful to have made amends with my grandmother before she died
5.) I am grateful to have reached out back to Houston or attempted to.
6.) I am grateful to have family, friends in San Francisco, Houston, Dallas, Austin, New Orleans, Berkeley, and Oakland whom care about me.
7.)I am grateful to attempt to overcome past trauma, and transgressions
Accountbality
1.) Mail
2.) Applications
3.) Meetings
4.) Greif
5.) Spiritualiy
6.) Application and security for inner self
7.) Job hunting, and follow-ups
8.) Morning
9.)
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Had a semi productive day, defragged the servers HDD, and did some routine naissance on my system. Continued to grow as an individual met someone special this morning, as well. Attended High noon today, went out a bit, have some employment things to do for clair.
Also might have a very very good lead on a place in the east bay which makes me very happy given its Berkeley as well. Or south Berkeley near the pacific center which is a double woot,
Furthermore, and sadly My grandmother was taken off the venletor today, and slowly quit breathing, as her body shut down. I miss her, dearly, but know shes looking after me above.
Furthermore, I wonder if she was in an in-between state. As I was on January 26, 2007 when I had a spiritual experience. Moreover, made changes in my life, and self-reformed my life.
I also could have ousted someone today, but didn’t. I also am going to attempt to converse with an individual whom I think should stand up for herself in more of a degree, but learned enjoying the séance is more progressive to Trans-Phobia sometimes, not every battle should be won.
Nor, is every battle worth fighting for, even if its hate.
I as of late struggle to get and let go of my inner terror, and demons and trauma. I also wonder if I will ever have a live and be secure again, I have a plan for some spirituality in my self today, perhaps I could be productive for myself.
Ive been locking individuals out, and being alone, and that’s just not cool. But I can’t have fun or enjoyment, I feel empty, lost and meaningless.
Gratitude List
1.)I am grateful for to be able to work on coping with pain and loss of my grandmother
2.) I am grateful to be sober
3.) I am grateful for clothing, shelter, and food
4.) I am grateful to have made amends with my grandmother before she died
5.) I am grateful to have reached out back to Houston or attempted to.
6.) I am grateful to have family, friends in San Francisco, Houston, Dallas, Austin, New Orleans, Berkeley, and Oakland whom care about me.
7.)I am grateful to attempt to overcome past trauma, and transgressions
Accountbality
1.) Mail
2.) Applications
3.) Meetings
4.) Greif
5.) Spiritualiy
6.) Application and security for inner self
7.) Job hunting, and follow-ups
8.) Morning
9.)
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Life in San Francisco and a new happy chapter in my life
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Slept good last night this morning, have an appointment about obtaining a grant to go back to school. Also going to clear up my IRS issues this week for tax estimation, a happier chapter in my life begins. My grandmother went officially into cartiric arrest, and is in a coma, with little chance of ever being alive in this world. She’s in a breathing machine.
Ate a yummy veggie side salad Jack in the box has awesome vegetarian salads. The best in San Francisco for the buck. Have to go pick up my inscriptions at the drug store as well. Slept well.
I miss being able to call my grandmother and tell her I love her. She lived to be eighty-five, and doesn’t want to live on a breathing machine. I also added some code to my site yesterday. In addition, the front page of the San Francisco Chronicle, speaks MUNI Accidents Cost S.F. Dearly. Which all the law suits, bad drivers, and poor reputation of the San Francisco Municipal Railway. We also ranked 2nd as the greenest city, we scored last for risk of disaster in the united states.
San Francisco ranked last due to the following reasons
1.) Traffic
2.) Lack of affordable housing.
3.)
Like Hurricane Ike, it’s a bad time to be in San Francisco when threes an earthquake, the same way it’s a bad time to be on Galveston island during a hurricane, and it’s for a non alcoholic a good time to be on bourbon street in New Orleans enjoying a hurricane at jimmy buffets Margaretville.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I made amends with my grandmother
2.) Grateful that I have people in San Francisco, Houston, New Orleans, Berkeley, Oakland that Care about me
3.) Grateful That I am sober
4.) Grateful that my dreams are starting to become a reality
5.) Grateful to have a good support and social circle
6.) Grateful to have come to California on Jan 6th 2008
7.) Grateful to be sober from July 13, 2007
The List
1.) Mail
2.) Appointment today
3.) IRS
4.) Drug Store
5.) Write code, do step work, meeting
My Goals
1.) Be more adherence to my vet diet
2.) Cut back drastically on my coffee and iced tea consumption
3.) Drink a fuck of a lot more water
4.) Attend more bulimic anonymous, debtor anonymous, and overeaters anonymous, anorexic anonymous, video game anonymous, interned addicts anonymous, online game anonymous meetings
5.) Be kinder to others with service
6.) Read the big book more
Furthermore Discovering more about myself as an individual I continue to live, long, grow and prosper as a wonderful individual.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Slept good last night this morning, have an appointment about obtaining a grant to go back to school. Also going to clear up my IRS issues this week for tax estimation, a happier chapter in my life begins. My grandmother went officially into cartiric arrest, and is in a coma, with little chance of ever being alive in this world. She’s in a breathing machine.
Ate a yummy veggie side salad Jack in the box has awesome vegetarian salads. The best in San Francisco for the buck. Have to go pick up my inscriptions at the drug store as well. Slept well.
I miss being able to call my grandmother and tell her I love her. She lived to be eighty-five, and doesn’t want to live on a breathing machine. I also added some code to my site yesterday. In addition, the front page of the San Francisco Chronicle, speaks MUNI Accidents Cost S.F. Dearly. Which all the law suits, bad drivers, and poor reputation of the San Francisco Municipal Railway. We also ranked 2nd as the greenest city, we scored last for risk of disaster in the united states.
San Francisco ranked last due to the following reasons
1.) Traffic
2.) Lack of affordable housing.
3.)
Like Hurricane Ike, it’s a bad time to be in San Francisco when threes an earthquake, the same way it’s a bad time to be on Galveston island during a hurricane, and it’s for a non alcoholic a good time to be on bourbon street in New Orleans enjoying a hurricane at jimmy buffets Margaretville.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I made amends with my grandmother
2.) Grateful that I have people in San Francisco, Houston, New Orleans, Berkeley, Oakland that Care about me
3.) Grateful That I am sober
4.) Grateful that my dreams are starting to become a reality
5.) Grateful to have a good support and social circle
6.) Grateful to have come to California on Jan 6th 2008
7.) Grateful to be sober from July 13, 2007
The List
1.) Mail
2.) Appointment today
3.) IRS
4.) Drug Store
5.) Write code, do step work, meeting
My Goals
1.) Be more adherence to my vet diet
2.) Cut back drastically on my coffee and iced tea consumption
3.) Drink a fuck of a lot more water
4.) Attend more bulimic anonymous, debtor anonymous, and overeaters anonymous, anorexic anonymous, video game anonymous, interned addicts anonymous, online game anonymous meetings
5.) Be kinder to others with service
6.) Read the big book more
Furthermore Discovering more about myself as an individual I continue to live, long, grow and prosper as a wonderful individual.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Kick Start my Faith and own personal jesus, and grattuide of life of 27 years young
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Slept good last night had a very hot shower this morning went to bed around 5pm, woke up at 3am, very recharged and refreshed today. Went walking this morning, burned some fat, going to take care of something difficult in the next few days.
Glad to still be sober, Ill post more about my experience it further involves the San Francisco Police commission, perhaps Ill even get to meet infamous Teresa sparks( again I met her a few years ago before she was president of the commission at pride), whom I admire and have followed her carrier for a long time.
Yet part of me is missing, I find it difficult for gratitude. I find it difficult to readjust to a normal civilian life, but its easier. I don’t want the drama of my past.
Just thinking of some of the famous individuals, I have met and shook hands with I’ve lived a respectable life so far the past 3-4 years of my life have been fast paced, with its ups and downs, drama, fear, horror, good choices and bad mistakes and poor judgment.
Interesting observations & current projects
Sometimes when Out and about, people out me as a transsexual woman, or a shim. Or whatever. Ill be posting my Bay Area shit list of trans-phobia individuals, businesses and other groups, or public service wall of shame. That’s sure to be some pride and un-censorship the database I am working on for my personal project. And its bound to piss a few people off, which doesn’t bother me, fuck yeah bring it on.
In the other factor I
1.) Bill white Mayor of Houston and former Entergy secretary under Bill Clinton
2.) Mayor Ray Nagin Mayor Of New Orleans
3.) Phyllis Frye famous transsexual atty. And lobbyist.
4.) Monica Lewinsky who gave bill Clinton one of the most famous blow jobs, I met her at a book signing
5.) Ray Hill famous for his bust of the dog food scandal, and the supreme court ruling (Houston v. Hill) which abolished “interfering with police procedure” which was often used to harass media, protesters, etc.
6.) Sgt Julia Oliver HPD who works in 911 emergency operations center in Houston emergency management Famous Transsexual Police Sgt
7.) Teresa Sparks President of the San Francisco Police commission famous transsexual police officer that does internal affairs
8.) President Bush (both of them) during storm recovery work
9.) Elder former president bush during Katrina recovery
10.) Former President Clinton doing during Katrina recovery
11.) Senator Clinton before she ran for president I met her during recovery operations
12.) Chelas Clinton in San Francisco once doing service work, I shook her hand
13.) Massena Davis director of the San Francisco Transgender Law center
14.) Lawrence as in (Lawrence-v-Texas) whom outlawed anti-some laws and gay sex or danced in Harris County Texas by the Untied States Supreme Court when George W Bush was running for office.
15.) Gavin Newsom Mayor of San Francisco 2 years ago I shook his hand in city hall when visiting San Francisco as a tourist
16.) Tom Delay former crook and mixed up in the Enron scandal in the court House in Houston
17.) Ken Lay former coo of Enron in the courthouse in Houston
18.) Andria Yates once in the Jail when I worked as a vendor & contractor inside
19.) Clarian Harris Once when In the Harris County Jail when I worked as a contractor and vendor inside
20.) Various seniors, and elected officials council members and others in the Texas political scene when I used to go to democratic and republican fundraisers when I drank, I can’t think of them all, in better times, and also heavy drinking and when I used to make border runs foolishly as a coyote, and a firearms smuggler and even sometimes worked for elected officials in dirty political deeds ( I sometimes solved problems, or ruined a few people) views which I retain anonminity about my shady contacts. I got out that line of work and retired.
Yet despite not being anyone noteworthy, but likening money, power, influence and drama, and meeting people and being kind with my southern hospitality. I am still unhappy, I feel part of me in not there or I don’t have what I want out of life, I make it, and I will survive but I feel I am in need of better, and want more and won’t give up hope, pride, power and determination.
I find I don’t want to drama, adrenaline rush even though nothing is more sexually erotic than high speed, drama, running and having fear I prefer not to have it, I choose not to.
The list for today
1.) San Francisco Police Commission
2.) Mail check and send documents to Houston & New Orleans & San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley
3.) Make doctor’s Appointment
4.) Write Letter and apply for jobs
5.) Rest, eat well lots of water, meditation and AA meeting
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I have a plan in life
2.) Grateful that I know what I want out of life
3.) Grateful to be twenty-seven years young
4.) Grateful to be sober
5.) Grateful to have been able to be out and started my path young
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Slept good last night had a very hot shower this morning went to bed around 5pm, woke up at 3am, very recharged and refreshed today. Went walking this morning, burned some fat, going to take care of something difficult in the next few days.
Glad to still be sober, Ill post more about my experience it further involves the San Francisco Police commission, perhaps Ill even get to meet infamous Teresa sparks( again I met her a few years ago before she was president of the commission at pride), whom I admire and have followed her carrier for a long time.
Yet part of me is missing, I find it difficult for gratitude. I find it difficult to readjust to a normal civilian life, but its easier. I don’t want the drama of my past.
Just thinking of some of the famous individuals, I have met and shook hands with I’ve lived a respectable life so far the past 3-4 years of my life have been fast paced, with its ups and downs, drama, fear, horror, good choices and bad mistakes and poor judgment.
Interesting observations & current projects
Sometimes when Out and about, people out me as a transsexual woman, or a shim. Or whatever. Ill be posting my Bay Area shit list of trans-phobia individuals, businesses and other groups, or public service wall of shame. That’s sure to be some pride and un-censorship the database I am working on for my personal project. And its bound to piss a few people off, which doesn’t bother me, fuck yeah bring it on.
In the other factor I
1.) Bill white Mayor of Houston and former Entergy secretary under Bill Clinton
2.) Mayor Ray Nagin Mayor Of New Orleans
3.) Phyllis Frye famous transsexual atty. And lobbyist.
4.) Monica Lewinsky who gave bill Clinton one of the most famous blow jobs, I met her at a book signing
5.) Ray Hill famous for his bust of the dog food scandal, and the supreme court ruling (Houston v. Hill) which abolished “interfering with police procedure” which was often used to harass media, protesters, etc.
6.) Sgt Julia Oliver HPD who works in 911 emergency operations center in Houston emergency management Famous Transsexual Police Sgt
7.) Teresa Sparks President of the San Francisco Police commission famous transsexual police officer that does internal affairs
8.) President Bush (both of them) during storm recovery work
9.) Elder former president bush during Katrina recovery
10.) Former President Clinton doing during Katrina recovery
11.) Senator Clinton before she ran for president I met her during recovery operations
12.) Chelas Clinton in San Francisco once doing service work, I shook her hand
13.) Massena Davis director of the San Francisco Transgender Law center
14.) Lawrence as in (Lawrence-v-Texas) whom outlawed anti-some laws and gay sex or danced in Harris County Texas by the Untied States Supreme Court when George W Bush was running for office.
15.) Gavin Newsom Mayor of San Francisco 2 years ago I shook his hand in city hall when visiting San Francisco as a tourist
16.) Tom Delay former crook and mixed up in the Enron scandal in the court House in Houston
17.) Ken Lay former coo of Enron in the courthouse in Houston
18.) Andria Yates once in the Jail when I worked as a vendor & contractor inside
19.) Clarian Harris Once when In the Harris County Jail when I worked as a contractor and vendor inside
20.) Various seniors, and elected officials council members and others in the Texas political scene when I used to go to democratic and republican fundraisers when I drank, I can’t think of them all, in better times, and also heavy drinking and when I used to make border runs foolishly as a coyote, and a firearms smuggler and even sometimes worked for elected officials in dirty political deeds ( I sometimes solved problems, or ruined a few people) views which I retain anonminity about my shady contacts. I got out that line of work and retired.
Yet despite not being anyone noteworthy, but likening money, power, influence and drama, and meeting people and being kind with my southern hospitality. I am still unhappy, I feel part of me in not there or I don’t have what I want out of life, I make it, and I will survive but I feel I am in need of better, and want more and won’t give up hope, pride, power and determination.
I find I don’t want to drama, adrenaline rush even though nothing is more sexually erotic than high speed, drama, running and having fear I prefer not to have it, I choose not to.
The list for today
1.) San Francisco Police Commission
2.) Mail check and send documents to Houston & New Orleans & San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley
3.) Make doctor’s Appointment
4.) Write Letter and apply for jobs
5.) Rest, eat well lots of water, meditation and AA meeting
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I have a plan in life
2.) Grateful that I know what I want out of life
3.) Grateful to be twenty-seven years young
4.) Grateful to be sober
5.) Grateful to have been able to be out and started my path young
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Life on the run in San Francisco and beyond on the go
1.) Call auto Insurance Broker for obtaining California Auto Insurance--
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
It turns out the reason I have been so sick and irritable, little did I know I had a major sinus infection and ear infection. I am taking penicillin right now and cold medicine for a massive ear infection in my left ear that started to spread to my right ear.
Had a semi productive day, talked to my sponsor and have to shop for a new one I have been sponsor less and I have good coping skills. Enjoying listening to rockabilly today. Elivs, Jerry Lee Louis.
The other factor of late, I dreamed last night of hiking up the San Bruno Mountain, or hiking in the winter in Lake Tahoe. Alternatively, snowboarding. The idea of fitness. And extreme sports Today is my 2nd day veg again. And also I start coffee again this morning much to LS disappointment.
Wish List
1.) To be able to make amends with my father one day.
2.) Finish Paying off debits and making amends
3.) Make amends to Christen Williams, Lilly Ruddy, Dayna Gilbert, Carolyn Bosnia, Chris Tux, Others I hurt in the Houston GLBT community and the New Orleans GLBT Community and the San Francisco GLBT Community
4.)
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be able to work on my life and inner self and to be living in San Francisco
2.) Grateful to understand that I’m angry at god and I need to work on that and my spirituality post Latter Day Saint (un-realistic of coming back)
3.) Grateful for the cold weather and to be living in San Francisco
4.) Grateful for being nice, kind, and understanding.
5.) Grateful to have finished my DL-328 , SSN changes, name change, gender change
6.) Grateful to have started my transition young
7.) Grateful to have friends and family in Houston, The Bay Area and New Orleans area
8.) Grateful to be out the closet
The List
1.) Mail Letters and Documents
2.) Take written test at DMV, Obtain California Drivers License
3.) Study for written test at dmv
4.) Mail complaint to ethics board
5.) Print AAA Texas documents and mail for insurance
6.) Mail copies of registration and Texas Drivers License and court order for name and gender change for Interstate Transport from Harvey, LA to San Francisco, CA
7.) Call California Auto Insurance Broker to shop around for insurance, obtain AAA membership given séance transitioning last time I had a hard time changing a tire on my big butch truck and also given I have a few conferences I want to go to in LA and might even conceder moving to LA (at some point) given it’s similar to Houston but California.
8.)
I also am grateful I didn’t see christen while she was here, perhaps I think too much, It’s a can of worms I don’t want to open in a metaphor manner of speaking.
I also thought of a quote for today “try not not hard, but the answer is to do first things first, and keep it simple and don’t think too much smarty panties”
I have some work to do on my web server in the upcoming week and weekends.
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
It turns out the reason I have been so sick and irritable, little did I know I had a major sinus infection and ear infection. I am taking penicillin right now and cold medicine for a massive ear infection in my left ear that started to spread to my right ear.
Had a semi productive day, talked to my sponsor and have to shop for a new one I have been sponsor less and I have good coping skills. Enjoying listening to rockabilly today. Elivs, Jerry Lee Louis.
The other factor of late, I dreamed last night of hiking up the San Bruno Mountain, or hiking in the winter in Lake Tahoe. Alternatively, snowboarding. The idea of fitness. And extreme sports Today is my 2nd day veg again. And also I start coffee again this morning much to LS disappointment.
Wish List
1.) To be able to make amends with my father one day.
2.) Finish Paying off debits and making amends
3.) Make amends to Christen Williams, Lilly Ruddy, Dayna Gilbert, Carolyn Bosnia, Chris Tux, Others I hurt in the Houston GLBT community and the New Orleans GLBT Community and the San Francisco GLBT Community
4.)
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be able to work on my life and inner self and to be living in San Francisco
2.) Grateful to understand that I’m angry at god and I need to work on that and my spirituality post Latter Day Saint (un-realistic of coming back)
3.) Grateful for the cold weather and to be living in San Francisco
4.) Grateful for being nice, kind, and understanding.
5.) Grateful to have finished my DL-328 , SSN changes, name change, gender change
6.) Grateful to have started my transition young
7.) Grateful to have friends and family in Houston, The Bay Area and New Orleans area
8.) Grateful to be out the closet
The List
1.) Mail Letters and Documents
2.) Take written test at DMV, Obtain California Drivers License
3.) Study for written test at dmv
4.) Mail complaint to ethics board
5.) Print AAA Texas documents and mail for insurance
6.) Mail copies of registration and Texas Drivers License and court order for name and gender change for Interstate Transport from Harvey, LA to San Francisco, CA
7.) Call California Auto Insurance Broker to shop around for insurance, obtain AAA membership given séance transitioning last time I had a hard time changing a tire on my big butch truck and also given I have a few conferences I want to go to in LA and might even conceder moving to LA (at some point) given it’s similar to Houston but California.
8.)
I also am grateful I didn’t see christen while she was here, perhaps I think too much, It’s a can of worms I don’t want to open in a metaphor manner of speaking.
I also thought of a quote for today “try not not hard, but the answer is to do first things first, and keep it simple and don’t think too much smarty panties”
I have some work to do on my web server in the upcoming week and weekends.
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Life on the run in San Francisco and beyond on the go
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Feeling better today, slept good last night, was very hot. Nevertheless, made out ok. Felt a bit icky but ok this morning, ran into TLM as well. I also am a little less of a bitch as of late.
Feeling good. Spiritually I felt bad, but I feel a bit better now, or somewhat better than I did earlier. My back is bent back more into proper posture as well. My shoulders feel a bit less sore. I also walked this morning and caught MUNI as well.
Life is rough, but I’m ok, though a bit tattered around the edges sometimes. However, I do ok for myself, and as an individual. Never did I think in Jan 2007 my experiences between then and July 2007 when I quit drinking. Would my life change, My life is starting to improve.
I also never through I would overcome my resentment toward christen as I did. I mostly resent myself, and my insanity and stupidity.
As far as finances right now things are bad, but could be a fuck of a lot better, my current projections to be on target for what I need to do, is moving on, and I’ll have to change some things, regardless I feel like anyway it could be for the better.
I have someone I massively dislike that doesn’t respect me and double crosses me that I have a few business relatshionships with that are a bit uneasy and disgust me. I continue to grow and prosper as well. I also know more about myself and whom I am as a n individual what I will stand for and alas what I will not as well.
I grow more and more daility spiritually. I also have been doing and working my 4th step more and more, like in the midnight hour she wants, and desires and continues to prosper
I also observed my and continue to work on my domnateing, negative, narcissitic personality and defects as an individual.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for being able to manage my faith
2.) Grateful for being loved by others
3.) Grateful for the weather
4.) Grateful for having faith
5.) Grateful for being ok
1.) To drop off items to MS
2.) Print documents / banking/ finance
3.) Finish project in excel / money / quickbooks
4.) Finish resting prep work
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Feeling better today, slept good last night, was very hot. Nevertheless, made out ok. Felt a bit icky but ok this morning, ran into TLM as well. I also am a little less of a bitch as of late.
Feeling good. Spiritually I felt bad, but I feel a bit better now, or somewhat better than I did earlier. My back is bent back more into proper posture as well. My shoulders feel a bit less sore. I also walked this morning and caught MUNI as well.
Life is rough, but I’m ok, though a bit tattered around the edges sometimes. However, I do ok for myself, and as an individual. Never did I think in Jan 2007 my experiences between then and July 2007 when I quit drinking. Would my life change, My life is starting to improve.
I also never through I would overcome my resentment toward christen as I did. I mostly resent myself, and my insanity and stupidity.
As far as finances right now things are bad, but could be a fuck of a lot better, my current projections to be on target for what I need to do, is moving on, and I’ll have to change some things, regardless I feel like anyway it could be for the better.
I have someone I massively dislike that doesn’t respect me and double crosses me that I have a few business relatshionships with that are a bit uneasy and disgust me. I continue to grow and prosper as well. I also know more about myself and whom I am as a n individual what I will stand for and alas what I will not as well.
I grow more and more daility spiritually. I also have been doing and working my 4th step more and more, like in the midnight hour she wants, and desires and continues to prosper
I also observed my and continue to work on my domnateing, negative, narcissitic personality and defects as an individual.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for being able to manage my faith
2.) Grateful for being loved by others
3.) Grateful for the weather
4.) Grateful for having faith
5.) Grateful for being ok
1.) To drop off items to MS
2.) Print documents / banking/ finance
3.) Finish project in excel / money / quickbooks
4.) Finish resting prep work
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Friday, August 8, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
Saw my father tonight on the way to a group meeting / outing in Berkeley. I assume he was leavening work. He ran across the street to correspond with me than used the Fargo atm. I did not have any reason to commutate with him, or invite him to where I am going.
Mainly due to trust issues, and I don’t know him and am unsure if I want him in my life. Its not that I am unwilling to go to family counseling and talk about our distrust, portrayal and anger. He told me to back off and someone running across the street to talk to me, whom told me a few days ago corresponding with him or others would be viewed as harassment is a paradox and conflict in itself.
The only reason I contacted individuals (through face book) was again to attempt to have an unbiased or natural 3rd party to attempt to build a relatshinship with. Which I am willing but I am unwilling to put myself in a sticky suction on a public street and cause myself more problems outside the Downtown Berkeley Bart station, I also had memories of my childhood in the downtown Berkeley library. Comeback, and had some cheap hole in the wall Chinese food. A guilty carnivore pleasure.
Look forward to the support group and more of life to come and the road ahead, going to have to research more east bay meeting places for next time.
I am willing to go to Family heryuep with him maybe evne his new wife, at a LBGT coucnelingpalce, and marriage and family counter,. I also know my father reads my blog regularly as well.
Im even open to going to the pacific center if he is truly willing to have contact with me, than he is more than able to contact me, the doors are open but I distrust him on a street corner approaching me.
In addition, Yes I am angry at him, but would I hurt him no, I shoved him aside in sprit as far as I am concerned he died in the early 1980s when my mother left California. I do want to get to know and have him in my life, but I don’t trust him
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Saw my father tonight on the way to a group meeting / outing in Berkeley. I assume he was leavening work. He ran across the street to correspond with me than used the Fargo atm. I did not have any reason to commutate with him, or invite him to where I am going.
Mainly due to trust issues, and I don’t know him and am unsure if I want him in my life. Its not that I am unwilling to go to family counseling and talk about our distrust, portrayal and anger. He told me to back off and someone running across the street to talk to me, whom told me a few days ago corresponding with him or others would be viewed as harassment is a paradox and conflict in itself.
The only reason I contacted individuals (through face book) was again to attempt to have an unbiased or natural 3rd party to attempt to build a relatshinship with. Which I am willing but I am unwilling to put myself in a sticky suction on a public street and cause myself more problems outside the Downtown Berkeley Bart station, I also had memories of my childhood in the downtown Berkeley library. Comeback, and had some cheap hole in the wall Chinese food. A guilty carnivore pleasure.
Look forward to the support group and more of life to come and the road ahead, going to have to research more east bay meeting places for next time.
I am willing to go to Family heryuep with him maybe evne his new wife, at a LBGT coucnelingpalce, and marriage and family counter,. I also know my father reads my blog regularly as well.
Im even open to going to the pacific center if he is truly willing to have contact with me, than he is more than able to contact me, the doors are open but I distrust him on a street corner approaching me.
In addition, Yes I am angry at him, but would I hurt him no, I shoved him aside in sprit as far as I am concerned he died in the early 1980s when my mother left California. I do want to get to know and have him in my life, but I don’t trust him
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Monday, July 28, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Some days I struggle to find inner peace, as of late, I shall remain quiet and be left to my own devices, I can learn more from people watching a change is in order as of late for some items and quality.
I have tasks to achive and finish and I set out to finish the task at hand, with some items cleaning up have a busy week this week.
Checked the mailbox to nill avail, took care of a MUNI / BART issue, and have a few other affairs to finish as well. Did some applying thismorning, also read my horoscope as well which had some mildly amuseing and true options to it.
Im going back strict vegan/ veg as well for my health, soul and mind and body. It hurts being alone but it is what is best for me, and my program, maybe I am too selfish for my own good per say.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I have the ability to work on my defects of charter for myself.
2.) Grateful I have folks, family, friends of bill w, friends, aquanaces, and people who care about me.
3.) Grateful That I am an amazing wonderful, individual with a very eclectic background.
The reality of myself and further enlightment for peace brings me inert grattuide, and also dealing with the resentments, recently its hard, Im tired of hurting, the hanging on to the scars of the past, perhaps progress and the 4th step is hard, I still have my wonderful sponsor Saudi S.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Some days I struggle to find inner peace, as of late, I shall remain quiet and be left to my own devices, I can learn more from people watching a change is in order as of late for some items and quality.
I have tasks to achive and finish and I set out to finish the task at hand, with some items cleaning up have a busy week this week.
Checked the mailbox to nill avail, took care of a MUNI / BART issue, and have a few other affairs to finish as well. Did some applying thismorning, also read my horoscope as well which had some mildly amuseing and true options to it.
Im going back strict vegan/ veg as well for my health, soul and mind and body. It hurts being alone but it is what is best for me, and my program, maybe I am too selfish for my own good per say.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I have the ability to work on my defects of charter for myself.
2.) Grateful I have folks, family, friends of bill w, friends, aquanaces, and people who care about me.
3.) Grateful That I am an amazing wonderful, individual with a very eclectic background.
The reality of myself and further enlightment for peace brings me inert grattuide, and also dealing with the resentments, recently its hard, Im tired of hurting, the hanging on to the scars of the past, perhaps progress and the 4th step is hard, I still have my wonderful sponsor Saudi S.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Friday, July 25, 2008
July 25, 2008
Lately in working with my wonderful sponsor, and support in my program. I discovered that I lashed out at my father, I may have made him so unwelcome about me. I hurt him because; I well resent him but my mother more.
I grow tired of bickering with Pat about my father and mothers differences and fear I lost him, I worked my 4th step with him perhaps I should invote him to conceling at the pacific center, he is my closest living relative and I do want to know him, which I really don’t.
I am going to Oakland today for a doctor’s appointment than a doctor’s appointment in Berkeley and to check out some other issues and things. I also am composing some documents and have files to print later.
I spoke to JJ recently he is OTR headed to Houston hauling a load for freight, he will be back in home in Portland soon, BWM is in St Paul I think now, I soon have my DMV issues to iron out, and a few other matters, I also am aiming to get my pickup truck trans-ported to san Francisco, and possibliy6 attend the Affirmation conference in Los Angeles in September, doing the boot scooting bogie.
I drove recently a mini cooper across the bay bridge and have a few other affairs to iron out as well. I spoke to a relative on a few other matters.
Talked to Valire about issues, and continue to grow into enlighten for myself, I also try to find a mentor. Around September 2008 or October 2008 I should have my 4x4 pickup truck here in San Francisco which will fucking rock.
I still don’t plan to drive much or keep my truck in the city, I have other arrangements I worked out in other counties, the bus ride on AC transit today the driver was a jerk he made a nasty comment about me being a dyke and transgender and I made a nasty comment back, I remember him he was the jerk 2 years ago who did that, the nice butch lady with glasses was not on the bus line today. He also was rude and unhelpful with directions to an out-of-towner.
I talked to CUAV about my issues, I dis trust the San Francisco Police Commission and The San Francisco Human rights commission and plan to have a unbiased 3rd party on my behalf, as a lesion to myself.
Furthermore, I have the law clinic next week at the TG law center with Ben, which should be helpful. I the name change went uncontested.
I paid another debtor recently and have taken further steps to restore my good name; I also shall get the insurance as well soon. I talked to an individual who was ex-commutated from the brays bayou ward in the 1990s for homosexuality and another in 1980s, I also met a few individuals in Castro who were Mormons.
I search for meaning, and understanding and don’t know what I belief, core values, or even what the fuck I want out of life for all to long have been around others ideals, after the electros sit today, I also have to go to the support group and the meeting. I have more tonight to achieve as well.
I also will be passing by people’s park famous site of the shooting of UC Berkeley students during a CHP “siege” of the park and riot in may 1969 that also earned former actor turned future president and donator (1969 California) Ronald Regan the nickname Ronald Ray-GUN!
I also talked to relatives today, about my health issues where are well, I am right now near the huge hill in Oakland which the wildfires were contained in 1991 many years ago. Also the site of where some childhood memories of my mother.
I don’t want my father or myself to lose each other over some egocentric power trip or the fact of my resentments toward myself, my mother and him. I was wrong, and crossed the line and admitted that to my sponsor, the 4th step is a fucking bitch, and like me also.
I also crossed the line with Christen Williams, Lilly Roddy, Phyllis Frye, Lambda Center, My father Martin Clark Gaetjens and the AC Transit Bus Driver today as well.
I hurt badly in my soul, burns with rage and anger. And misreay, I don’t want that I want some degress of sanity, I even more recently had to drift away from some individuals who mke me uncomfortable in meetings. One whom I feel stalks me somewhat per say.
I overreacted this morning I thought mike was in the meeting, and was wrong he is 86ed until further notice. Some folks on Castro street get un “86”ed from the Castro Country Club for “69”ing the manager (bad joke and totally untrue) and very serotypes.
Have to remember to pcik up some items at the store before barting back into the city, I also might take care of a few other matters as well, before that.
The reality of what I need to do for myself, life and my future is clear, just in the moment, called my sponsor today to work on some pressing issues for myself, life and future and fear of the unkown for myself, life and lack there of.
I found my own personal fucking jesus christ
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Lately in working with my wonderful sponsor, and support in my program. I discovered that I lashed out at my father, I may have made him so unwelcome about me. I hurt him because; I well resent him but my mother more.
I grow tired of bickering with Pat about my father and mothers differences and fear I lost him, I worked my 4th step with him perhaps I should invote him to conceling at the pacific center, he is my closest living relative and I do want to know him, which I really don’t.
I am going to Oakland today for a doctor’s appointment than a doctor’s appointment in Berkeley and to check out some other issues and things. I also am composing some documents and have files to print later.
I spoke to JJ recently he is OTR headed to Houston hauling a load for freight, he will be back in home in Portland soon, BWM is in St Paul I think now, I soon have my DMV issues to iron out, and a few other matters, I also am aiming to get my pickup truck trans-ported to san Francisco, and possibliy6 attend the Affirmation conference in Los Angeles in September, doing the boot scooting bogie.
I drove recently a mini cooper across the bay bridge and have a few other affairs to iron out as well. I spoke to a relative on a few other matters.
Talked to Valire about issues, and continue to grow into enlighten for myself, I also try to find a mentor. Around September 2008 or October 2008 I should have my 4x4 pickup truck here in San Francisco which will fucking rock.
I still don’t plan to drive much or keep my truck in the city, I have other arrangements I worked out in other counties, the bus ride on AC transit today the driver was a jerk he made a nasty comment about me being a dyke and transgender and I made a nasty comment back, I remember him he was the jerk 2 years ago who did that, the nice butch lady with glasses was not on the bus line today. He also was rude and unhelpful with directions to an out-of-towner.
I talked to CUAV about my issues, I dis trust the San Francisco Police Commission and The San Francisco Human rights commission and plan to have a unbiased 3rd party on my behalf, as a lesion to myself.
Furthermore, I have the law clinic next week at the TG law center with Ben, which should be helpful. I the name change went uncontested.
I paid another debtor recently and have taken further steps to restore my good name; I also shall get the insurance as well soon. I talked to an individual who was ex-commutated from the brays bayou ward in the 1990s for homosexuality and another in 1980s, I also met a few individuals in Castro who were Mormons.
I search for meaning, and understanding and don’t know what I belief, core values, or even what the fuck I want out of life for all to long have been around others ideals, after the electros sit today, I also have to go to the support group and the meeting. I have more tonight to achieve as well.
I also will be passing by people’s park famous site of the shooting of UC Berkeley students during a CHP “siege” of the park and riot in may 1969 that also earned former actor turned future president and donator (1969 California) Ronald Regan the nickname Ronald Ray-GUN!
I also talked to relatives today, about my health issues where are well, I am right now near the huge hill in Oakland which the wildfires were contained in 1991 many years ago. Also the site of where some childhood memories of my mother.
I don’t want my father or myself to lose each other over some egocentric power trip or the fact of my resentments toward myself, my mother and him. I was wrong, and crossed the line and admitted that to my sponsor, the 4th step is a fucking bitch, and like me also.
I also crossed the line with Christen Williams, Lilly Roddy, Phyllis Frye, Lambda Center, My father Martin Clark Gaetjens and the AC Transit Bus Driver today as well.
I hurt badly in my soul, burns with rage and anger. And misreay, I don’t want that I want some degress of sanity, I even more recently had to drift away from some individuals who mke me uncomfortable in meetings. One whom I feel stalks me somewhat per say.
I overreacted this morning I thought mike was in the meeting, and was wrong he is 86ed until further notice. Some folks on Castro street get un “86”ed from the Castro Country Club for “69”ing the manager (bad joke and totally untrue) and very serotypes.
Have to remember to pcik up some items at the store before barting back into the city, I also might take care of a few other matters as well, before that.
The reality of what I need to do for myself, life and my future is clear, just in the moment, called my sponsor today to work on some pressing issues for myself, life and future and fear of the unkown for myself, life and lack there of.
I found my own personal fucking jesus christ
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Sunday, July 20, 2008
San Francisco Cleaning up, No easy Answer for Reform in Troubled Times
Friday, July 11, 2008.
Questioning hate and Decimation, A Essay on Transphobia, from San Francisco to beyond, an Insight into people’s fears of the unknown and the documentation of Typical Waste of Tax Payer money in California, and San Francisco and beyond.
By Leigh McInnis Gaetjens
San Francisco is a wonderful place, equity the forefronts of the GLBT movement and the pioneering city and metro plex of the GLBT equity movement, Americas most European city.
Trans_Phobia is the result of Segregation, and degradation and Discretion of the Transgender community; peoples negative stenotypes, a few people who have no business as describing themselves as TG, and have serious mental health issues and have zero business transitioning.
We as Transgender women and men, need equal treatment not special treatment, but equal treatment, I hate when I am mistreated weather verbally, physically or emotional or mentally.
The Law applies to everyone; I just want the right to live.
Ill shares some of my life experiences at 6 months in San Francisco.
1.) In January 2008 was mugged with a knife in the film ore district, and told I can be mugged or assaulted and abused my San Francisco Police when I called for service, I was handcuffed and searched, and told they had 4 units looking for the suspect. I was integrated about drug use, protection, and warrants. (which I had none)
2.) April 2008I was mugged on the MUNI Metro and told I was problem prostituting myself on the train, and no report and the law was not enforced again
3.) May 2008 I have been lynched in a communal shower by other women with Hateful GLBT slurs, had a photo taken of me with a camria phone
4.) May 2008 - I have been verbally abused and harassed by other women when sleeping
5.) June 2008- I have had a 22-caliber handgun pulled on me, out of hate and intimidation.
6.) June 2008- I was punched in the face (In clear view of a police officer) On The MUNI / Bart Station for no apparent reason and called slurs and laughed at when I was ok.
7.) I have had a Transit cop refer to me using trans-phobic and hate speech when requesting proof of payment, refuse to take a report for the mentioned
8.) I was groped while wating for food, and laughed at
9.) I’ve been told to “get some bass in my voice and be a man” by a authority figure
10.) I’ve been told by Law Enforcement “ I can’t be raped or sexually harassed, I choose this and do this to myself, be a Man”
11.) Emergency room, upon discovering the female patient who collapsed was transgender due to stress and dehydration was treated poorly, and after signing a waiver of treatment and liability due to poor treatment, was cleaning up in bathroom, was escorted by armed security guards for trespassing in the bathroom. (I was washing the vomit off myself)
12.) I was told by an EMT, to go back where I came from, You’re not local are you the accent is from the south
13.) I was told to go back to my country (given my un-common last name) or whatever planet I came from by Law Enforcement
14.) I was told “Lee” you are a man, you do this to yourself, quit complaining you want to be a woman, but quit complains about how people treat us.
15.) I was questioned about my “alterative lifestyle” and what my “plumbing” is.
16.) I’ve been told I cant shower with women who are born women
17.) I’ve been denied sleep due to others verbally abusing me in a so-called safe place for women
18.) I’ve been told or suggested to go to a means shelter
19.) I’ve been lynched in a shower and had my picture taken, attempted to report it, and be told that Its not rape, and the police cant be called
20.) I’ve been kicked in my rib cage, and upper chest area, and groped for not “wakening up in a timely manner” and slammed into a cinderblock wall and made to face via police lineup and denied bathroom access. And only “women who are born women are allowed to use the women’s bathroom:”
21.) I was punched in the face and looked to see if I was ok, and let go, with no provocation by an individual in a BART station in front of a police officer (I was “OK” and no arrest was made)
The point is in America’s most European city and most accepting place, pain hurts progress, people resist change, in society. Historically it has been done and still struggles in areas with racial integration, sexual orientation and even gender, and religion.
For example, Mitt Romney is the equlaivait of JFK the Mormon for the white house, and the fear of Catholics in the 1960s, religious fear and persecution.
It hurts me to look the other way, but picked up various survival skills from GLBT Pioneers such as ray hill, the prison show, and others and various skins of various drinking related time spent.
It amazes me San Francisco being on the front of obscure, the strange and outcasts tolerates in its liberal view tolerance , rather than acceptance, equity and intergartion.Oh they are sick, oh it’s a fucking escusce. Tolleratance and accountability go hand in hand.
Something is morally and ethically wrong when someone is not PRO Jail and Prison for violence of hate if there is no injury, hate and prejectace is that and illegal, if you are ok and “brush it off” or cool it off.
People need to be accountable for their actions; people if they want help need to give something back. While I disagree with The Governator and The Mayor on some issues. They do have some principal’s correct just misguided actions.
They allow individuals who don’t have much else to do, to hide behind California, privacy laws, illegal young and adult criminals to commit crimes, and be allowed sanctuary at tax paper expense.
It Increases our Police, Fire, EMS and hospital expenses with trips to jail, overdoes, arrests, manpower, new hirelings, and acts of violence where you don’t track or document individuals who have long history’s of causieng trouble and breaking the law.
I propose if people want tax-payer subsided help, or submit to DNA testing for sexual assaults and open crimes, drug and alach9ol testing, and FBI Background checks. If you are getting something free, you should give something in return, to many un-savory individuals abuse the system for illegal purposes.
So Called liberal harm-reduction is labial bullshit garbage, it allows chronic al-alcoholics, drug addicts, and exploitation of women in the sex trades to thefts of copper and curbside recycling ccer, it funds at a time in budget crisis, and is typical san Francisco liberal garbage waste. It allows people to drink use and other wise steal and break the law with little to no consequences.
Lobbyism groups allow the same individuals to time and time again, break the law and have little to nil concqucnes. Brutal discipline, and law got me sober, You ever hear the saying “ You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help him or herself”
People and Individuals need to be held accountable for their actions, and their effort. While also taking tone such well through actions for change on the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, and far too often even on the flip side of present individuals are hurt, and well intentioned change sometimes is led into persecution such as current immigration reform, 9-11, the patriot act, and reform needs to be brought with caution.
The country is lucky to have a place like san Francisco in the post-911 world, but individuals abuse well intentions, and makes it hard for people who want a change and the good due suffer for the evil, I strongly urge in whatever reform Mayor Gavin Newsom, and Governor Arnold chooses to do, procueed with caution.
History is a great way to change the present by learning mistakes of the past, to avoid making so in the future, I urge good balance and judgment of our elected officials serving the public. I urge individuals to choose the best where there can be freedom, liberty and justice for all. In trolley compassionate, non-judgmental, liberal, but maintaining balance, accountability, and protecting peoples civil liberties fair and balanced.
Something does need to be reformed in our country as a whole, but truth be told there is no easy answer to a complex problem.
However, we find the answers, I give you food for thought with peace, love and justice and the American way. It’s scary times right now and times are tough, be we have faith. I love this country the direction of loss of civil liberties.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Questioning hate and Decimation, A Essay on Transphobia, from San Francisco to beyond, an Insight into people’s fears of the unknown and the documentation of Typical Waste of Tax Payer money in California, and San Francisco and beyond.
By Leigh McInnis Gaetjens
San Francisco is a wonderful place, equity the forefronts of the GLBT movement and the pioneering city and metro plex of the GLBT equity movement, Americas most European city.
Trans_Phobia is the result of Segregation, and degradation and Discretion of the Transgender community; peoples negative stenotypes, a few people who have no business as describing themselves as TG, and have serious mental health issues and have zero business transitioning.
We as Transgender women and men, need equal treatment not special treatment, but equal treatment, I hate when I am mistreated weather verbally, physically or emotional or mentally.
The Law applies to everyone; I just want the right to live.
Ill shares some of my life experiences at 6 months in San Francisco.
1.) In January 2008 was mugged with a knife in the film ore district, and told I can be mugged or assaulted and abused my San Francisco Police when I called for service, I was handcuffed and searched, and told they had 4 units looking for the suspect. I was integrated about drug use, protection, and warrants. (which I had none)
2.) April 2008I was mugged on the MUNI Metro and told I was problem prostituting myself on the train, and no report and the law was not enforced again
3.) May 2008 I have been lynched in a communal shower by other women with Hateful GLBT slurs, had a photo taken of me with a camria phone
4.) May 2008 - I have been verbally abused and harassed by other women when sleeping
5.) June 2008- I have had a 22-caliber handgun pulled on me, out of hate and intimidation.
6.) June 2008- I was punched in the face (In clear view of a police officer) On The MUNI / Bart Station for no apparent reason and called slurs and laughed at when I was ok.
7.) I have had a Transit cop refer to me using trans-phobic and hate speech when requesting proof of payment, refuse to take a report for the mentioned
8.) I was groped while wating for food, and laughed at
9.) I’ve been told to “get some bass in my voice and be a man” by a authority figure
10.) I’ve been told by Law Enforcement “ I can’t be raped or sexually harassed, I choose this and do this to myself, be a Man”
11.) Emergency room, upon discovering the female patient who collapsed was transgender due to stress and dehydration was treated poorly, and after signing a waiver of treatment and liability due to poor treatment, was cleaning up in bathroom, was escorted by armed security guards for trespassing in the bathroom. (I was washing the vomit off myself)
12.) I was told by an EMT, to go back where I came from, You’re not local are you the accent is from the south
13.) I was told to go back to my country (given my un-common last name) or whatever planet I came from by Law Enforcement
14.) I was told “Lee” you are a man, you do this to yourself, quit complaining you want to be a woman, but quit complains about how people treat us.
15.) I was questioned about my “alterative lifestyle” and what my “plumbing” is.
16.) I’ve been told I cant shower with women who are born women
17.) I’ve been denied sleep due to others verbally abusing me in a so-called safe place for women
18.) I’ve been told or suggested to go to a means shelter
19.) I’ve been lynched in a shower and had my picture taken, attempted to report it, and be told that Its not rape, and the police cant be called
20.) I’ve been kicked in my rib cage, and upper chest area, and groped for not “wakening up in a timely manner” and slammed into a cinderblock wall and made to face via police lineup and denied bathroom access. And only “women who are born women are allowed to use the women’s bathroom:”
21.) I was punched in the face and looked to see if I was ok, and let go, with no provocation by an individual in a BART station in front of a police officer (I was “OK” and no arrest was made)
The point is in America’s most European city and most accepting place, pain hurts progress, people resist change, in society. Historically it has been done and still struggles in areas with racial integration, sexual orientation and even gender, and religion.
For example, Mitt Romney is the equlaivait of JFK the Mormon for the white house, and the fear of Catholics in the 1960s, religious fear and persecution.
It hurts me to look the other way, but picked up various survival skills from GLBT Pioneers such as ray hill, the prison show, and others and various skins of various drinking related time spent.
It amazes me San Francisco being on the front of obscure, the strange and outcasts tolerates in its liberal view tolerance , rather than acceptance, equity and intergartion.Oh they are sick, oh it’s a fucking escusce. Tolleratance and accountability go hand in hand.
Something is morally and ethically wrong when someone is not PRO Jail and Prison for violence of hate if there is no injury, hate and prejectace is that and illegal, if you are ok and “brush it off” or cool it off.
People need to be accountable for their actions; people if they want help need to give something back. While I disagree with The Governator and The Mayor on some issues. They do have some principal’s correct just misguided actions.
They allow individuals who don’t have much else to do, to hide behind California, privacy laws, illegal young and adult criminals to commit crimes, and be allowed sanctuary at tax paper expense.
It Increases our Police, Fire, EMS and hospital expenses with trips to jail, overdoes, arrests, manpower, new hirelings, and acts of violence where you don’t track or document individuals who have long history’s of causieng trouble and breaking the law.
I propose if people want tax-payer subsided help, or submit to DNA testing for sexual assaults and open crimes, drug and alach9ol testing, and FBI Background checks. If you are getting something free, you should give something in return, to many un-savory individuals abuse the system for illegal purposes.
So Called liberal harm-reduction is labial bullshit garbage, it allows chronic al-alcoholics, drug addicts, and exploitation of women in the sex trades to thefts of copper and curbside recycling ccer, it funds at a time in budget crisis, and is typical san Francisco liberal garbage waste. It allows people to drink use and other wise steal and break the law with little to no consequences.
Lobbyism groups allow the same individuals to time and time again, break the law and have little to nil concqucnes. Brutal discipline, and law got me sober, You ever hear the saying “ You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help him or herself”
People and Individuals need to be held accountable for their actions, and their effort. While also taking tone such well through actions for change on the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, and far too often even on the flip side of present individuals are hurt, and well intentioned change sometimes is led into persecution such as current immigration reform, 9-11, the patriot act, and reform needs to be brought with caution.
The country is lucky to have a place like san Francisco in the post-911 world, but individuals abuse well intentions, and makes it hard for people who want a change and the good due suffer for the evil, I strongly urge in whatever reform Mayor Gavin Newsom, and Governor Arnold chooses to do, procueed with caution.
History is a great way to change the present by learning mistakes of the past, to avoid making so in the future, I urge good balance and judgment of our elected officials serving the public. I urge individuals to choose the best where there can be freedom, liberty and justice for all. In trolley compassionate, non-judgmental, liberal, but maintaining balance, accountability, and protecting peoples civil liberties fair and balanced.
Something does need to be reformed in our country as a whole, but truth be told there is no easy answer to a complex problem.
However, we find the answers, I give you food for thought with peace, love and justice and the American way. It’s scary times right now and times are tough, be we have faith. I love this country the direction of loss of civil liberties.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Progression into Starting up a Brand New Day
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Had a great meeting yesterday morning, ran into someone who was a bit older and a newcomer and partied hard in Houston Texas off all places, its true in the rooms of aa, and al-anon its not hard to party hard in Houston, theres not much else to do than die of boredom.
Slept a bit ok, last night, I had nightmares awoke at 11:45, awoke a few more occasions. Continued to awake more and more, tcb this morning, might attended church or a meeting, have commitments tonight.
I’ve been thinking places like the San Francisco GLBT Center, Al-alano club, marina dock, Castro Country Club, are not healthy for me in co-dependency, and I don’t feel welcome or a fit in, I don’t feel I have a place in community, maybe it’s my own selfishness, and resentment, and other individuals being overly judge mental, or the fact I think too damn-much.
I had a Billy idol look alike yesterday hit on me, on the N Juda, with a parrot on his shoulder, this morning aI had a few more individuals hit on me as well. I continue to grow and progress a bit more and more, and blossom into enlighten. I miss Houston overly, so as New Orleans, Dallas and Austin and my brief other stints in Los Angles.
I want equal treatment, I don’t want special treatment I had that, or when someone is overly accommodating, I want safety and welcoming and affirmation and acceptance and respect, I admit sometimes I put up the great wall of lee, its due to being tired of being hurt, and tired of being sick and tired of agony, of myself, others, over-judgmental and individuality.
I have some resentments and clarity in my drinking heyday between December 2005- July 13, 2007 off and on the binges, traveling for work, personal, and individual self-growth.
I am considering and planning on attending the affirmation conference in Los Angeles of GLBT Mormon and LDS individuals, I think it’s a hoot of prior affirmation individuals and meeting someone who 10 years ago came out in the Brays Bayou ward in Houston, Texas of all things, also my affirmation souccrage and strength gave me helped others who were semi-out or closet cases, the fuck em’ all Riot Girl Attuide worked well sort of for a while.
I don’t know anymore, I don’t know myself, I came out and shortly afterward found the bars of Montrose, Midtown and the High its and around Houston Texas, its Irion I met another drunk who started drinking at the same place.
Its ironic I met a drinking companion that used to drink, an old stone butch around now doing geographical and struggling in sobriety here in San Francisco. My oh my!
Not to be so unaccomidftioing I love San Francisco, but I don’t like the dividuon and selfishness of the community even I stood out somewhat in Texas, with my southern hospitality ultra is different in Texas and the mid west. Blah.
I dream of French Quarter Po-Boys, Texas BBQ, Los Angeles Taco Stands, New York City Coney Island Hot Dogs, and much more, and many miles on the odometer of small town rural America the truth is I have an eclectic background, and that is admirable.
My resentment is my Home and sancuitrualy was violated, I hurt other people as if I was hurt, I lost my friends and respect in the Houston Transgender Community, and the GLBT community. I am not much better than others are. I felt like I was honorable and left.
I need to break free be around positive influences, I have a lot to do this week at the DMV, and other places and to move on. After I take care of some of these issues and the IRS and other matters. I will move onward, maybe even seek work in Austin, or Portland, or Seattle maybe even Salt Lake City I am open a bit.
I have a doctor’s appointment this week, and a few other matters. I also have a meeting in the works sort of. And continue to grow into inner enlighten and inner peace.
Grattuide List
1.) I am an adult and reasonable and accountable for my actions and the consequences of such I am able to not panic and go on the crazy train and deal with it
2.) That I can stand up for my boundaries but in a passive respectful way that does not harm others
3.) That I can choose to do the right thing, and how I present act and react has large influence on others
My life Is what I make it, and I need independence and faith and enlightenment.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Had a great meeting yesterday morning, ran into someone who was a bit older and a newcomer and partied hard in Houston Texas off all places, its true in the rooms of aa, and al-anon its not hard to party hard in Houston, theres not much else to do than die of boredom.
Slept a bit ok, last night, I had nightmares awoke at 11:45, awoke a few more occasions. Continued to awake more and more, tcb this morning, might attended church or a meeting, have commitments tonight.
I’ve been thinking places like the San Francisco GLBT Center, Al-alano club, marina dock, Castro Country Club, are not healthy for me in co-dependency, and I don’t feel welcome or a fit in, I don’t feel I have a place in community, maybe it’s my own selfishness, and resentment, and other individuals being overly judge mental, or the fact I think too damn-much.
I had a Billy idol look alike yesterday hit on me, on the N Juda, with a parrot on his shoulder, this morning aI had a few more individuals hit on me as well. I continue to grow and progress a bit more and more, and blossom into enlighten. I miss Houston overly, so as New Orleans, Dallas and Austin and my brief other stints in Los Angles.
I want equal treatment, I don’t want special treatment I had that, or when someone is overly accommodating, I want safety and welcoming and affirmation and acceptance and respect, I admit sometimes I put up the great wall of lee, its due to being tired of being hurt, and tired of being sick and tired of agony, of myself, others, over-judgmental and individuality.
I have some resentments and clarity in my drinking heyday between December 2005- July 13, 2007 off and on the binges, traveling for work, personal, and individual self-growth.
I am considering and planning on attending the affirmation conference in Los Angeles of GLBT Mormon and LDS individuals, I think it’s a hoot of prior affirmation individuals and meeting someone who 10 years ago came out in the Brays Bayou ward in Houston, Texas of all things, also my affirmation souccrage and strength gave me helped others who were semi-out or closet cases, the fuck em’ all Riot Girl Attuide worked well sort of for a while.
I don’t know anymore, I don’t know myself, I came out and shortly afterward found the bars of Montrose, Midtown and the High its and around Houston Texas, its Irion I met another drunk who started drinking at the same place.
Its ironic I met a drinking companion that used to drink, an old stone butch around now doing geographical and struggling in sobriety here in San Francisco. My oh my!
Not to be so unaccomidftioing I love San Francisco, but I don’t like the dividuon and selfishness of the community even I stood out somewhat in Texas, with my southern hospitality ultra is different in Texas and the mid west. Blah.
I dream of French Quarter Po-Boys, Texas BBQ, Los Angeles Taco Stands, New York City Coney Island Hot Dogs, and much more, and many miles on the odometer of small town rural America the truth is I have an eclectic background, and that is admirable.
My resentment is my Home and sancuitrualy was violated, I hurt other people as if I was hurt, I lost my friends and respect in the Houston Transgender Community, and the GLBT community. I am not much better than others are. I felt like I was honorable and left.
I need to break free be around positive influences, I have a lot to do this week at the DMV, and other places and to move on. After I take care of some of these issues and the IRS and other matters. I will move onward, maybe even seek work in Austin, or Portland, or Seattle maybe even Salt Lake City I am open a bit.
I have a doctor’s appointment this week, and a few other matters. I also have a meeting in the works sort of. And continue to grow into inner enlighten and inner peace.
Grattuide List
1.) I am an adult and reasonable and accountable for my actions and the consequences of such I am able to not panic and go on the crazy train and deal with it
2.) That I can stand up for my boundaries but in a passive respectful way that does not harm others
3.) That I can choose to do the right thing, and how I present act and react has large influence on others
My life Is what I make it, and I need independence and faith and enlightenment.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
My change in name and gender went relative well, I also made some monetary amends and called a few folks to make amends and deal with other issues for the matters, I on Sunday celebrated q year sober.
My HRT and meds came back very positive and affirming, my hormones are a bit back into adjustment, I have a Dr. Appointment in the east bay in the next week.
I have the SS-5 form for the social security office, I need to go to my bank, finance company, DMV, alameda county recorder’s office. And much much more in the next few weeks, but not go so much to turn burnout and insanity, I also have a DL328 as well for my gender marker for my drivers licenses, and also have a driver’s test.
I found a new insurance company and need to seek replacement documents for some insurance matters in importing my truck into California. The Texas truck moves on trucking out of the lone star state.
I confided in my doctor and will do so to my therapist in a few matters, which I had not disclosed out of fear of rejection but honestly is the key to the pursuit of happiness. I admit defeat and am willing to be honest, just more selective and secretive and evasive in who, what and where I suggest.
I also for a few other matters am torn between some good auto Insurance quotes I have gotten for my 4x4 Tailgate. These matters take time and as a late Capricorn borderlineing or aquarious. I am progressing but being careful not to burn out again, and maintain discipline
I am over my romantic loss, and hurt. Never say never again, and discursion. Is necessary per say. I have individuals make passes at me on occasion but reject in the favor of faith, and future enlighten. I have therapy tomorrow and a few other things today
Gratitude list
1.) Grateful for being able to admit being helpless in My drinking, OCD and getting on the crazy train without the help of fellowship, hard work, and determination
2.) Grateful for life, and court and starting a new one
3.) Grateful for understanding that I need to change myself, and make myself more of an asset rather than a liability.
Today thins to do
1.) Post Office
2.) Drop Documents off at storage
3.) Go walking/ rest and relax
4.) Drink lots of water
5.) Work on papers for clients
6.) Mail Letters and documents
7.) Print Forms at Library for conference in Los Angeles
8.) Print Documents for my pickup truck regarding Texas, Louisiana and California DMV, country tax office, and DPS
9.) Print Drivers diocese documents
10.) Print forms for Finance company, bank and other options with name change and fill out and mail proof of documentation
11.) Send finical amends to creditors and debtors.
gaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
My change in name and gender went relative well, I also made some monetary amends and called a few folks to make amends and deal with other issues for the matters, I on Sunday celebrated q year sober.
My HRT and meds came back very positive and affirming, my hormones are a bit back into adjustment, I have a Dr. Appointment in the east bay in the next week.
I have the SS-5 form for the social security office, I need to go to my bank, finance company, DMV, alameda county recorder’s office. And much much more in the next few weeks, but not go so much to turn burnout and insanity, I also have a DL328 as well for my gender marker for my drivers licenses, and also have a driver’s test.
I found a new insurance company and need to seek replacement documents for some insurance matters in importing my truck into California. The Texas truck moves on trucking out of the lone star state.
I confided in my doctor and will do so to my therapist in a few matters, which I had not disclosed out of fear of rejection but honestly is the key to the pursuit of happiness. I admit defeat and am willing to be honest, just more selective and secretive and evasive in who, what and where I suggest.
I also for a few other matters am torn between some good auto Insurance quotes I have gotten for my 4x4 Tailgate. These matters take time and as a late Capricorn borderlineing or aquarious. I am progressing but being careful not to burn out again, and maintain discipline
I am over my romantic loss, and hurt. Never say never again, and discursion. Is necessary per say. I have individuals make passes at me on occasion but reject in the favor of faith, and future enlighten. I have therapy tomorrow and a few other things today
Gratitude list
1.) Grateful for being able to admit being helpless in My drinking, OCD and getting on the crazy train without the help of fellowship, hard work, and determination
2.) Grateful for life, and court and starting a new one
3.) Grateful for understanding that I need to change myself, and make myself more of an asset rather than a liability.
Today thins to do
1.) Post Office
2.) Drop Documents off at storage
3.) Go walking/ rest and relax
4.) Drink lots of water
5.) Work on papers for clients
6.) Mail Letters and documents
7.) Print Forms at Library for conference in Los Angeles
8.) Print Documents for my pickup truck regarding Texas, Louisiana and California DMV, country tax office, and DPS
9.) Print Drivers diocese documents
10.) Print forms for Finance company, bank and other options with name change and fill out and mail proof of documentation
11.) Send finical amends to creditors and debtors.
gaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Friday, July 11, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
The reality of myself and further enlightenment and eye-opening experiences for myself. This morning was glorious and peaceful for myself.
I met with my wonderful sponsor yesterday, I am planning on a meeting later today, I made arrangements for tonight, and plan to go to the support group in the east bay. I also need to make other arrangements and I push myself hard for what is Necessary for myself.
I also am working on my essay on Trans-Phobia and Discrimnation and hate in San Francisco and beyond. A look at decimation and people’s fears of the unknown.
I also as of late am afraid, this Sunday I have 1 year sober, and what a year it has been, I met with my sponsor yesterday. I also this week went to the electro cist in the East Bay, and had more work done, my face is breaking out, in the next few weeks I will go back for more, work.
Furthermore, I am lucky to have started young, in my transition; I also am going to get back to walking more, and eating healthier more in moderation for soul and myself.
I hurt and told my sponsor my pain of what I did to individuals in the GLBTQ community in Houston, Texas ; New Orleans, LA and other places of shame.
I hurt for myself, I hurt knowing what I did and hurt bleeding in my heart, I have some trouble letting, go this week I have been lynched a few times, sometimes just doing basic things such as grooming and bothering.
Ill shares some of my expirees at 6 months in San Francisco.
1.) In January 2008 was mugged with a knife in the filmore district, and told I can be mugged or assaulted and abused my San Francisco Police when I called for service, I was handcuffed and searched, and told they had 4 units looking for the suspect. I was integrated about drug use, protection, and warrants. (which I had none)
2.) April 2008I was mugged on the MUNI Metro and told I was problem prostituting myself on the train, and no report and the law was not enforced again
3.) May 2008 I have been lynched in a communal shower by other women with Hateful GLBT slurs, had a photo taken of me with a camria phone
4.) May 2008 - I have been verbally abused and harassed by other women when sleeping
5.) June 2008- I have had a 22-caliber handgun pulled on me, out of hate and intimidation.
6.) June 2008- I was punched in the face (In clear view of a police officer) On The MUNI / Bart Station for no appernt reason and called slurs and laughed at when I was ok.
7.) I have had a Transit cop refer to me using trans-phobic and hate speech when requesting proof of payment, refuse to take a report for the mentioned
8.) I was groped while wating for food, and laughed at
9.)
Those are just small examples of whets gone on but I stay sober, it’s not easy but not every fight is worth fighting and winning for, it’s not what it’s about, I miss Texas and Houston dearly, I don’t like what occurs the drinking and drug use that is tolerated in the city of San Francisco, it’s wrong.
I looked at a few places in Oakland, and Berkeley. I however need time to finish things out in the city and work on some of my PTSD and depression issues.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
The reality of myself and further enlightenment and eye-opening experiences for myself. This morning was glorious and peaceful for myself.
I met with my wonderful sponsor yesterday, I am planning on a meeting later today, I made arrangements for tonight, and plan to go to the support group in the east bay. I also need to make other arrangements and I push myself hard for what is Necessary for myself.
I also am working on my essay on Trans-Phobia and Discrimnation and hate in San Francisco and beyond. A look at decimation and people’s fears of the unknown.
I also as of late am afraid, this Sunday I have 1 year sober, and what a year it has been, I met with my sponsor yesterday. I also this week went to the electro cist in the East Bay, and had more work done, my face is breaking out, in the next few weeks I will go back for more, work.
Furthermore, I am lucky to have started young, in my transition; I also am going to get back to walking more, and eating healthier more in moderation for soul and myself.
I hurt and told my sponsor my pain of what I did to individuals in the GLBTQ community in Houston, Texas ; New Orleans, LA and other places of shame.
I hurt for myself, I hurt knowing what I did and hurt bleeding in my heart, I have some trouble letting, go this week I have been lynched a few times, sometimes just doing basic things such as grooming and bothering.
Ill shares some of my expirees at 6 months in San Francisco.
1.) In January 2008 was mugged with a knife in the filmore district, and told I can be mugged or assaulted and abused my San Francisco Police when I called for service, I was handcuffed and searched, and told they had 4 units looking for the suspect. I was integrated about drug use, protection, and warrants. (which I had none)
2.) April 2008I was mugged on the MUNI Metro and told I was problem prostituting myself on the train, and no report and the law was not enforced again
3.) May 2008 I have been lynched in a communal shower by other women with Hateful GLBT slurs, had a photo taken of me with a camria phone
4.) May 2008 - I have been verbally abused and harassed by other women when sleeping
5.) June 2008- I have had a 22-caliber handgun pulled on me, out of hate and intimidation.
6.) June 2008- I was punched in the face (In clear view of a police officer) On The MUNI / Bart Station for no appernt reason and called slurs and laughed at when I was ok.
7.) I have had a Transit cop refer to me using trans-phobic and hate speech when requesting proof of payment, refuse to take a report for the mentioned
8.) I was groped while wating for food, and laughed at
9.)
Those are just small examples of whets gone on but I stay sober, it’s not easy but not every fight is worth fighting and winning for, it’s not what it’s about, I miss Texas and Houston dearly, I don’t like what occurs the drinking and drug use that is tolerated in the city of San Francisco, it’s wrong.
I looked at a few places in Oakland, and Berkeley. I however need time to finish things out in the city and work on some of my PTSD and depression issues.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Monday, June 23, 2008
Life in Sobery, service, faith, and starting a brand new day, one day at atime
Monday, June 23, 2008
Did service work at AA Central office today, Caller a few sober folks today, did do some job hunting and are linked up with the local one stop center, going to a place tomorrow. Also exploring a grant or two.
Took care partially of some IRS Issues, Composed a letter for Public Storage in Texas, and called a friend in Texas to do a favor for me in Houston. Spoke to someone in the LDS church.
Met someone who’s coming into town maybe for pride that’s 2 years older than me transgender, sober, in recovery, came out as transgender in Houston in the mid 1990s we also both became drunks in Montrose which is fucking awesome, she also lived in New Orleans and awesome, and we have a lot in common, and potential as a best friend, or maybe even a long term relatshionshop and partnership.
Been doing step work for the lists for steps with my sponsor, my higher power and own personal Jesus is back and balance.
I also met some other folks through craigslist, I composed well with myself, and further grew, and prospered for my soul.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Did service work at AA Central office today, Caller a few sober folks today, did do some job hunting and are linked up with the local one stop center, going to a place tomorrow. Also exploring a grant or two.
Took care partially of some IRS Issues, Composed a letter for Public Storage in Texas, and called a friend in Texas to do a favor for me in Houston. Spoke to someone in the LDS church.
Met someone who’s coming into town maybe for pride that’s 2 years older than me transgender, sober, in recovery, came out as transgender in Houston in the mid 1990s we also both became drunks in Montrose which is fucking awesome, she also lived in New Orleans and awesome, and we have a lot in common, and potential as a best friend, or maybe even a long term relatshionshop and partnership.
Been doing step work for the lists for steps with my sponsor, my higher power and own personal Jesus is back and balance.
I also met some other folks through craigslist, I composed well with myself, and further grew, and prospered for my soul.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The reality of myself, the reality about my life. I have not slept as well, I missed my train this moring and had to reset my apointment, my health is ok, The dizzyness, confusion, and misunderstadning and blured vision, and dislexia, is scaray. I talked to my wonderful sponsor. The reality of myself, I am still sober, and contunie to progress, and still grow in myself.
I know who I am and know what, I am, I know I don’t have to drink on my airline flight, I don’t have to drink on my drive back to san Francisco from New Orleans International, I might visit my folks, friends, and go to the NOLA Lamba Center, and also pick up my 1 year chip ta Lamba Houston, Visit Phoxix, and Los Angeles, or I might just go through Oklomaha, and bypass old slipperly places, where the wiskey drowns to the oasis, and firneds in Low Places. But I am going to fire up my pick up truck and let all 385 horsepower roll, but not have the wiskey, and smoke, but maybe the women, Get down turn around back to San Francisco.
I reset my appointment, also Have a legal clnic to attend to for transgender women, I also know for me,and what My body needs.
On top of that I was offed on a forum, it sucks, that I can understand I am having verbal and some writien commucation problems, I am afraid of my health, but I am fighting this and for my indpedance, the nightmares have started again. I feel I am flipping out, I am also very afraid, and probelly going to stay alone, until the doctor figures out whats wrong, the blackouts scare the shit out of me, dearly, I admit to being afraid. I also know it turns people off, I cant understand where time goes, sometimes on a task I feel confused doing a task over and over. I am afraid, I don’t understand whats wrong with me.
I also have a trip to the IRS office, to deal with some tax issues, I feel as if my body does not have the entergy, I almost passed out again today. But I have faith things will get better slowly but surely one day at time. The doctors think its stress, lack of sleep, eating, and general just major stress and pressure and deadlines, and learning to cope with life again without drinking.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I feel as if my helath is better, but my body is falling apart, I am alive outside, but dead in soul. I remember things, painful things I need not remember, physical, emotiuonal tramma, and also the dizziness, and blackouts, like I am on a boat in rough tides, I feel lost at sea, when I walk and move, I am very afraid.
It hurts, I have this anger, rage, and emotions built up, and my mind is slipping sometimes, It scares me deeply, that I haven’t lost my marbles yet. I got sober and than Have to deal with this bullshit, why the fuck me?
Anyway, I am going to get through this, one day at a time, the nightmares have started, the nausuia, the blurred vision, confusion, loss of words, on pen and paper, I feel I am getting sick, theres something wrong with me and the doctors, cant figure out what, they agreed to do a blood work, MRI and Catscan, regardless, I am going to take my trip against medical advise, I must keep moving and do what I need to do for me, a trip to the post office, and maybe the IRS today might be in order.
I admit I am depressed, some days I eat once a day, and I have an eating disorder, But I am fighting this, and I am not going to drink, I am buring bridges, but at least I am aware of it and respecting bounderies, I just feel so sick, and I don’t want to drink, and I also feel dizzy and have trouble visually, vebraly focusing, which is why I compose some here, and some elsewhere, for my doctors or incase I become incapasetaed, I feel my health is delicneing, I feel Like I am dieing of something, and the doctors cant find out what. Something is physicaly wrong with me, some think its stress, which could be correct.
I just want the suffering to end, one way or another.
--Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
The reality of enlightment for myself, and inner peace is slow, hard and painful though the good bad and ugly. I know as of late, I have been a utter, cold hearted bitch, but at least, I manged to keep my pain under some type of control, but alas I am sliping and moving forward.
I feel as if socitys over judgemental, hate, AND insane librials do much, not to say I am not libral in my own ways, just there comes a point of well takeing action.
Anyway I was successful in fileing my paper work and the bay area reporter will publish such documents in compliance with legal bull shit.
I ate sort of ok, and need more water but for the most part am doing quite well and plauable.\
I went to my meeting, have a few errands to run, and also have a few other spots. The blackouts, confusion, and irritabely are not as bad. I look forward to getting a MRI & CATSCAN, I feel as if my medical condtion at birth has worsened. I feel as if I am slipping. I want the insane things to end. I also feel very alone, and helpless, and don’t want pity or someone to do for me. I don’t like asking for help, but I don’t want to drink anymore, I want recovery and some of us are sicker than others, I want the pain to end, I want recovery and healing and inner most enlighment.
I want more for myself, and life, and enlightment and inner most peace, and want more and more recovery, and want more of a soul, and enlightment for my innerself.
--Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Progress not prefection and living large, and the Big book reloaded
The reality as of late, I have been a utter bitch to fellow friends of bill w, I am scared shit less, my PTSD and flashbacks to hurricane Katrina, my sexual assault, abuse by co-workers, workplace discriamntion, sins against other GLBT folks, sins against other Transgender.
I just want equity and some degree of stealth, I hate living someplace with so many TG folk, I long term urn from working from 5th wheel in the mountains of Montana, with my big diesel guzzling 4x4 pickup truck, being a full time river, and coming to San Francisco, or living in rural northern California.
I had another female show interest in me, right now I am going though some spiritually tough times, I have been a utter bitch, and being very overly judgmental and stereotypical. I was wrong, and have a step letter to compose to a few folks, CCC-Dan, Frank-The dock, the alano club.
I feel unwelcome, its not other people, not being screamed at, hit or when I am is utterly traumatic, I just need to find inner peace, which I am doing better at., My therapist and I discussed finding balance, the young guy at the community center, talked to more I printed my name change documents, and I might have more to do, I've also though given my many contacts, friends and aquances, i might (again) follow in my mothers footsteps to get work and maybe transfer back to san Francisco, still stay a san Francisco resident.
As of late, I feel a bit well moody, it hurts with some of my friends I self destructed, I have had flashbacks to my past, and resentments, yet I am still sober, I also finally convinced my doctor to get me a MRI and CATscan I am deeply concerted about my blackouts and memory loss, I am in great health to diseases, and strong and fit as an ox. I am not infected with any sexually transmitted deceases, or have ever done prostration.
I know what I want, I am assertive, here are some e-mails from various local San Francisco residents, as well as an observation from chapter 2 of the BIG Book of AA
Chapter 2 Of the AA “Big Book” pg 19+20
“Most of us since that our real tolerance of other peoples shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others. Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought for others and how we may meet their needs”
My lately actions, inaction's while border rlineing on the dry drunk, on myself, and the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, I have some server trauma which not an acceptable excuse, I need to be alone and deal with some of these issues, and physical health problems, conventional centers, and my tendency to become codefendant are not healthy, and there for being alone outside the needs of the other few, are in my and everyone else best interest.
I also love more of myself, and share more of my inner peace, I need to rest and eat more, met someone else again with ties to Houston I also like giving more back and charity, I plan to rerun to visit, one day but Not live, but with my 5th wheel RV and big diesel 4x4 pickup truck is all I want in life. San Francisco's Heyday has come and gone.
Progress not perfection one day at a time, peace has grown a bit again, I also have some appointments and let my dirty laundry is my misspelt youth and coming out in Houston, I love more of myself, life and need to work on my co-dependacy issues. I also hurt remembering the fork-lift accident, and truck accident many eons ago, I also have to do something about my debits, and possibly declare bankruptcy, I don't ever see myself getting out of the hole I am stuck, though I have tired 30,000 is bad to be in debit. Which started as a 10,000 is Debit, though is growing due to two unsavory creditors, I might still be able to get out of the hole as I am able, and willing, though its rough.
I have resentments toward some folks, and find I don't like some folks here but I have to learn tod ela again, I have another person that wants to lease server space via FTP on my web server and host a few small paps, which proviso promising, per say.
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
The Leap of Faith to the Unkown, Fear there of
As of recently I have new private blogs, and some off the internet and On a INTRANET of my choice and likeing. I also am dealing with some spirtualy tough times, but moving forward, Ive made and discussed a bit on how to deal with these issues.
I have a few folks and co-depeants in my life, I have issues to deal with and some abusers, I called a womens hate crime rape place yesterday. I dont have any tollerance for sex workers, transgender whores, or folks that use that dont repsect me, or folks that dont respect my bounderies and respect my life.
I also have more of what I need to work on with me, and know more about myself, and who and wha I nned as an indivual.
I also have a replacement phone has been giving my problems. I took care of some matters today as well, I also have more to do for myself, and program and some personal, educational, employment, finacal goals, and my transitin and some civil matters.
--Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
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