My motto and quote for today and life

11/13/07

I discovered today, That I as an individual am well selfish and have a effect of being a kind person, but also am good at reading folks and using people and being a habitual lier, I need to change my lifestyle and individual and my brutal honesty and spunky spontaneousness self hurts others. And I can use that to do the greater good in the world.

I am a amazing person and I am very grateful for what I have and don't resent what I have or haven't done or what happened in my 2years off and on binging and binge drinking .and hurting others. I have to accept the present and change what I can and accept what I did and didn't do, and just fucking let go already.

I have something I want and by the grace of god I am going to get it though faith, honesty, and working to get it. And I am going to archive my goals. I accept the fact my family and other will never understand me. I also want to compose and help others even though deep I am hurting I have to stop griveing and bitching about what could have, would have or should have or had not happened and let go.

People are telling me left and right I am better but have a long way to go, its possible I am, fuck I give myself a pat on the back I am better and let go, and if others don't see that well fuck em' thats my motto.

Fuck em'

I am getting better and if others resent and still fear me , fuck em'

Shit fucking happens already fuck em'

If you cant bedazzle them with your brilliance than don't bedazzle them with your bullshit. Fuck em'

Thats my motto in LIFE which I have again, to speak. In a manner.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

04:55:32 AM

11/03/07

Took my neighbor to get some food at jack in the box last night. Talked and bullshited and mingled more. I also discovered more about myself, life and who I am and want to be. I want my inner self, back I want to love and be loved again.

I want people to love the me inside, I feel like everyday is Halloween because I am not someone I am inside, I hurt want the lost strange little girl inside me back. I need more meetings, less co-dependency, and know I dislike the bar crowed before I started drinking, while I was drinking and more and more.

I discovered more and more about myself, and where I want to go and who and what I am, and where I am going in life. I know I have to break free, I know I love myself, some higher power.

I know science, and engineering and the curiosity of the world, electronics,. Gadgets enjoy me, I also like reading, art, poetry, and writing that was passed down to me from my mother, teaching, social work, and also adventure passed down from my uncle who is like my father the electronics, adventure, and 4x4 pickup trucks and power tools interest me.

I like myself, life Christ and well god, even though she and I have had our ins and outs. I also watched some fucked up movie more recently as well. Where the world goes to crap and people go nuts and kill and just do poor and bad things, some horror narcissism end of the world.

I also discovered more about myself, more life, love and well self-awareness and discovery as well. I know where I am who I am and where I want to go. I want the person again, I want to be sober and I want help, and maybe some can forgive past transgressions and actions. But possibly not. Blah.

I also found more about myself, and how to live not exist, picked up the party tray, tried to call the folks today to no avail, might talk to my dad.

Quotable for the day- If you cant bedazzle them with yourself, than don't bedazzle them with your bull shut and Fuck Em'

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)