Showing posts with label g being loved. Show all posts
Showing posts with label g being loved. Show all posts

Friday, February 8, 2008

Life soberity, and progress

02/07/08


Today was nor Hit nor miss, the reality of my own insanity and chapter to my gnostic, I made some progress, I made some progress with the postal issue, mailing some documents and tasks for the week and weekend I also discovered more about life myself and my own program and self discovery.



Watched a documentary today on history of the aids virus and outcome. I also discovered some folks, myself and family members and more flashbacks. And understand what its like to remember and in resentment.


Ive been having flashbacks to myself, childhood and also hurting off and on my life


02/08/08


Some bitch is bothering me I have a stalker in SFO. Darn it not the fuck again, but I delt with it and let someone know, I think she is harmless just some pot head, who is obsessed with me, and that. Today on the way to the doctors appointment which I will not disclose the location and area due to my stalker doesn't know all of my hangouts and places.


Its a crazy X that we used to date (for a half a day than we broke up) who is a pot head and drinks and uses drugs. And is verbally abusive to me, and had kicked me and threatened me with harm, I'm going to discuss it with someone, and already did with another who is also trans gender but pretty abusive and arrgoient much as I used to be in Houston.



In other news, I had some guy hit on me again today on MUNI and say he dates Trans genders and wants to buy me a drink but doesn't know I'm clean and sober, sorry geezer, if I had a winning mega millions jackpot for every time this happened Id be rich.


I also saw on the news this morning they have a groper and MUNI assaults are up on women, I had been groped once or twice on a muni rail and bart, people are disgusting and rude, and have seen it before.


Shoes are on the agenda this weekend, Ive been able to cut down on my sweaters, and jackets and layer up a bit, due to the warmer weather except in the early morning. I saw another SUV with Utah Tags yesterday, and today saw a crossover awd from Montana, and also saw a f-350 with Texas truck on it.


Have an appointment with my threpsit who is also transgender and transitioned today, its a 1st appointment with her and I think It might work out much as Melanie Morrison at MCC.


I also talked to a few other folks and next week have a appointment with one of the area collages Transgender Leiason Officer, ive thought subsatnce abuse conucling isnt for me. I want something rolling in the cash and I am still young enough to go to collage a Computer science at a 2 year collage and than a 4 year collage seems appealing or computer information systems and maybe an A+ cert, I want something at home quit and predictable where I can telecommute and write code at my space, maybe even work late at night.


Google and some other tech comp nays are expanding into the bay area for diversity in hireling, apple etc also, Had a retail interview recently, and also applied for a few other places ( I have a stalker that reads my log until some things change and I don't have to be around this person as much, and at which time I will seek legal action with the police. Which I spoke to a friend who's nice the GLBT folks shes a nice officer that helped me out when someone was bothering me, before and shes friends with a friend of mine.





--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

Saturday, December 1, 2007

life and being greatful and loved

Saturday, December 1, 2007



The reality of my life has grown. I had a test a test of anger, and over judgmental and my own self Hippocratic. And weird life, and judgmental actions. I had dreams, confusion of life, myself and I. Clarity and flashbacks are more and more. Reality is a bitch and so am I.




I learn more coping and commutation and mediation and growth today. I learned more and relaxed more in the moment. I also grew more and more. I have a plan of action Monday, I also have to aduiton more for a upcoming reality show, and do some job hunting as well. I have to bring closure to disorder, panic and fog.


I grow tired of folks hassling me and judging me, and trying to run my life. I am an individual and fuck em. If they don't understand or try. I don't like people, and the people who I want to like me don't like me, I try to please the devil. And dance with it.


I push those away who care, love and grow in my selfish, self pity, par, cesspool life. I am a bitch, I like power, control, and ego, and my own narcissism destroys my balance of the cosmos.



On the positive side, I slept good and well and had very pleasant and very naughty dreams. And over ate a pizza last night from papa johns, lucky for me addiction and fasting and the heart burn out of being lonely at home helped somewhat. I had a nightmare of something or obscurity. I am fasting today.


I was smart enough to order a large thin crust, with onions, black olives, and mushrooms. That went to some bullshit charity that I am un-fimmualr with from papa johns in montrose. It also was over an hour late. And was yummy except for the heartburn. I slept like a giddily school girl, on a quiet peaceful, night awoke at 5qam was out the door early this morning.


Was complemented and still sober, and have a very busy week ahead. And much to do. And It will be a bit well rough around the edges with the holidays, the rear brake job and tailgate and mirror work on my pick em' up truck. I slept well sort of. And saw a peaceful film of the bay area from a birds eye view. One day at a time I grow. And many things I want to do with life, but careful .


I think everyone should go to 12-step programs it teachs you how to live life, grow and is a goddess for the unfaithful, self-destructive and bitch and mean & hateful



I had some naughty thoughts of a harmless, scape goat free, revenge but I will not do those naught thoughts, even though someone in a meeting also did those things to others, its cool to know I'm not the only sneaky selfish bitch on the block.



I'm greatness for :

being sober

knowing I am nonjudgmental, homophobic, and self-hateful, and knowing my inner bitch

having what I have, and what I don't want anymore.

Being alive,

My acquaintance who gave me a 2nd chance on life ]

Forgiveness

the holy ghost

not knowing and learning

being grateful

being quiet and observant and finding zen

Letting go and forgiving myself

Accepting myself\

being more verbally honest, and committed and opening up more about myself

Living not existing

learning to love what I have and love myself

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

Monday, November 19, 2007

what I am greatful for in Houston, Texas and harris county

I am Grateful to have four (4) months sober Before the Holiday season.
I am grateful to have been given the gift of sleep last night, and
well rested and have awoken at 6am and went to the eyes wide shut
meeting
I am grateful to be alive, and not dead or in jail
I am grateful to have what I have, and let go of the pain


I am grateful for my sponsor and others around me
I am grateful for forgiveness
I am grateful for my wonderful therapist--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

life and being loved

I am grateful for my sponsor, and having folks who care, getting better taking the lead to recovery and getting my grove and self back slowly, and rebuilding my brains. After frying them binge drinking off and on from deco 2005 to jan 2007 and on to the date Friday july 13th, 2007 my birthday and in typical twisted lee style its Friday the 13th in the Texas severity.






I hope Nancy is doing well, I am grateful to be alive and much to do this week. Went to bed around 5pm and woke up around 10pm reseted and alert ate at home and went out a bit. Nighters, had a good ok lunch at lubys today also. I slept well and rested ok. And recovered more and cleaned house a bit, and rested this eve.



And I did the boot snotting boogie and had little pink houses when I fired up my pickup truck, but you spin me rice round like a record baby!



I got a nice card, and some gifts today, it feels good to be loved and to love life again and well have family and folks I can talk about in honesty and compassion.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)