The sad state of the health care system, malpractice, misconduct, trans-phobia, and progress but not prefection, and my so-called life

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Slept well, a little too well, my sickness was a huge misunderstanding and wrong medical progronosis. I also was very nervous of the possibly I may have been carrying around and spreading sickness to some individuals whom were very sick.

I also was treated poorly at San Francisco General Hospital by an X-ray tech, I contacted the Patient advocate office, as well as a legal firm to advocate on my behalf, I
t’s the second time almost a year to the day a doctor made a false prognosis, to me being a carrier to severe TB, what the fuck is up with the lacking of our health care system, and bad doctors anyway?

To make matters worse, the room where they warehouse potential infected individuals, was very warm, the environmental controls were not set properly, and I refused to sit in a room with at least one very sick individual coughing very badly in a germ filled cesspool.

I am going to be going to P0S today to pick up some things, and my big book and 12 X 12, as well as my other backpack, one bit the dust again. I also had a dream last night of my ex-partner in crime.

I also hope my friend made it back to aussie well. I had to reflash my AT&T tilt, and lost the sync cable to a pickpocket on BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) I believe. That’s one thing I don’t like about the bay area, people don’t have any standing up for themselves, or southern hospitably, and to many teachers, gangbangers, and thieves.

I received a call last night from a Support Group, which I had a disagreement, and did not repeat same mistakes in Houston, I told them I have some affairs to get in order before being considered to return, and had a nice peaceful conversation.

SKR is moving to Berkeley, and I suggested a meeting at the Berkeley AA Fellowship, which I occasionally attend. I’ve changed meetings a bit MB said hello to me on The SF Muni F Line, (I didn’t feel like the MUNI METRO subway today)

I also have had a reaction possibly to some defective cosmetics, and my face peeled, Or it could be the weather, I canceled my electro appointment today. Its burning and Im breaking out very badly, and feel nasty.
I also have to give kudos to the folks who DID treat me with respect at SF general yesterday duing the false TB scare, they were very kind and helpful toward me, and assisited me with finding the right place to file a formal complaint with discriminatory practices with health care.

I do hope President Elect Obama, keeps his promises to the Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Queer, and Transgender community.
I also hope he is a good leader, and doesn’t allow terrorist or handles the Iraq war and middle east confulclts properly, I do worry about the war on terror under the leadership of Obama, as well as his safety with right wing nut job skinhead groups who have already made threats

before he was even elected there were attempts made on him, It would sadden me for him to be another tragedy such as JFK, I hope if the unfortunate attempt on President Obama is made, he makes out as well or better when the attempt was made on Ronald Regan, I do hope he stays safe, he is the first democratic president I voted for, and he is my president whom I voted and campained for.

I think President Bush is a dumbass for his stupid little ploy for the protected wetlands, which is a good thing but a political ploy in his last weeks in office, while I voted for him twice, and at one time was a Bush supporter.

I also think he has hurt and was wrong to Use the EPA to sue the State of California over its tough emissions standards, I was not a big believer in global warming, and envorminetllism until I lived in the most polluted, envormentally unfriendly, smog filled, city in the United States (Houston, texas)

I lot about me changed in Houston, My blood was shed, I found myself and found and lost god, and found god again, I joined the party and left it. I found my true self, at age twenty-four. I learned a lot about life and the hard kicks of life, spent some time in the dirties and nastiest county jail In Texas.

And I settled down and headed west, and found life and god and learned more about myself, and continue to do such

Ive thought of my domain TGSFO.com, and what I want to do with it. I am going to continue to set up the BBS system, and mailing list, resource database. I want to emulate it along the lines of trueselves.com ; transhouston.com ; beginning life forums ; and gender web forums as well as a resource and referral listings that the SF GLBT center has.


It’s a project in progress which I don’t have much time for at the present moment, perhaps Ill start decanting a weekend at the Berkeley Public Library, which I find to be very relaxing the downtown branch on the 2nd floor. I also find the SF Main Liberia sixth floor room to be drama and riff raff proof the special collections room.

This weekend, I saw Mike and Woody get into a bottle fight in the Safe Way parking lot and SFPD respond, I wish they would get into a treatment program, I saw one junkie get so wasted his leg rotted off and he was so crippled, I hope he got help or something I hope he didn’t die. I have seen many sad things, and stories and tales of addiction in The bay area.

I hope god willing our woman of Safeway does not restart the coffee service. That will bring the meeting into utter chaos, lately vie been a bit angry, and lost and distracted. I am working on that, I am aware my defects of charter and selfishness can make me unpleasant to be around.


It took me years of pain to learn patience, which by no means am I perfect, and to be able to let go of the past and make progress. I suppose I spent part of my life angry at the world, god, found god for the wrong reasons as a religious cure for all, than lost it because I picked the one of the most anti GLBT religions to convert to.
I carried anger around, and built it up and dove into projects such as computer gaming, tried to be someone I wasn’t. Almost married once in Texas. I also did cars, and was selfish, sexist, dominating, and pigheaded.

I took others advice, and suggestions as insults anger and resentments. I did nasty things to people who cared, and followed my father’s example in drowning in my sorrows of barrooms, tailgating and falsity wonderland, with lies, deception and using folks.










Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for friends and family\
2.) Grateful to have left the south
3.) Grateful to have president elect Obama taking office soon.
4.) For the wonderful foggy damp san francisco weather I love so much
5.) For having a wonderful sponsor


The List
1.) Pick up backpack, 12x12 + big book
2.) Check Mail
3.) Send documents to DLG
4.) Follow up with Transgender Law Center, NCLR + San Francisco general hospital
5.) Do homework for sponsor
6.) Call SF School of bartending, put down payment
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Self-Reflections and enlightenment

10/11/07

It hit me today, I have a goal to reach. Sooner or later I have to face some people I don't want to. I have the day planned out, and I want to find some peace. Or meaning. I was sad today. Cried most of the night and cried myself to sleep last night. Woke up very early this morning left around 9 am and did what I needed to to do for me, spent a good part of the day crying myself.

Did my home-work. And Have to face my fears next week or sometime roughly. I hurt so bad and feel horrible today, I am remembering nasty, hateful things I did to other people, evil bad people I hung out with during my non-sobriety and other issues.

I visited VW yesterday at her shop, saw a few other folks and also met others who had worse. I remembered during one of my failed suicide attempts I saw my mother sometimes when drunk or sleeping. I have made a plan. I had plans this week and over the weekend to go to the pflag meeting and also to go to the mcc national coming out day, but honestly much as my counterpart. I don't want all that activism or community bullshit here, I never liked that I just want to be, exist be me and in enlightenment grow.

Houston, and stupid people just don't get it, in some parts of the united states people have grown out of the bullshit, petty ways, and I have a plan to get the fuck out. Ive slipped in the cracks with some of my church, coffee shop, and aa friends to make my goal grow.

I don't want to have much contact with other people, but I have gone legitimate so to speak, to more terrorism, b&e, trafficking , or doing illegal things or breaking legs. I make a poor and idiot terrorist when I am sober.

Off to therapy later, cooked a yummy veggy wrap this morning lots of onions and garlic, and chili peppers. One of my favorite breakfasts with some green chili peppers, and some of the more authentic south of the border salsa. Ive grown away from my fattening Cajun foods to more dirty hippie diets, and vegan like. I love more authentic 5000 year ago asain diet.

I need to go grocery shopping when the other thing clears, I also found a new place I like and have found enlightenment doing more genealogy research Houston has an awesome genealogy research center. Which I don't live all that far from living in between Richmond and bisonett off montrose blvd.

In other news, I talked to the folks today. Sent my friend a card. And went shopping at the army surplus store for some more shirts and undershirts. I also went to visit others. I also saw someone else to whom I disgraced a long time ago. And is from my past today in traffic on Kerby. I know I scare folks and got to see a drunk version of myself next door.

I personally find all and transgender and glbt community's and groups and lib rial groups disgusting and distasting even if I am part of it. I am a huge Hippocrates, and for years the self hate, hate of others brewed in me. I might come off as cold blooded or a trader ot terrorist.

But the truth is I have grown outside the box, even if banished. I am who I am. And if you don't like me for me, I am fucking alone and just as miscible as the next individual. And you must find enlightenment. Ive found enlightenment in being alone.

All those dumb-fucks at the latter day saint church, to whom some have been kind to me, may have found enlightenment though religion some are some of the unhappiness folks and do it because its all they know. Same as some of the battered housewives in river oaks, that cant leave without the bmw, or run the unfaithful husband over 500 times with the spoken bmw, or other issues.

I personally knew someone who went crazy even if on a bar-stool and Houston so many people go crazy in the Harris county metro area, and burn out and I joined the ranks of those individuals even if not as bad. I was lucky and chosen for enlightenment.

I grew more and more, and have grown. My sobriety approach 90 days this Saturday, I also Promised Nancy I would go visit her on her grounds at a meeting on Monday. I hope GM is still doing well and sober. Her sponsor is in a recent issues of outsmart magazine and see her sponsor at meetings. I grew to close to her to fast.

I also found something else, someone still loves me well still cares. I feel so bad for the things I did to this person. And the person still loves and understand their frustration but they are like my father.

In other news, I dreamed about driving my truck though the Midwest and up the pacific cost highway in the winter or fall my wind blowing in my hair and rugged shagged cliffs of death below. I really when I leave may wait but im going to be a CA resident before I'm 30 for collage purposes. I'm gone by next fall winter at the latest and march 2008 (unlikely) at the earlyist point. I made the choice and chose to move on more and more.

I plan to give up more to go to the SFX and get out of this hateful biggiot, redneck smog filled city. My algeris have been bothering me more as of late and Ive been depressed given Oct 13 my 90 days of sobriety is also a date of I found my mother decease. Some my not like my racial, stereotyped, or obnoxious jokes. But I don't censor myself and I'm very lib rial but also politically- incorrect but try to be sensitives to those who have to follow the politically correct stereotype.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)