Thursday, November 13, 2008
Slept well last night, doing laundry today, also going to work on brining LEEMCG.COM up to the new server and make a custom 404 error page. Im reinstalling some of the server modules, and extensions. I also have to bring up a few other things
I talked to Clair Fairly, and saw Jenna, at the TLGB center; I also spoke to someone and have a follow up leads to do. I worked on some issues with my program, I need to get out more and around, and will start working on that. I found something possibly a 3rd love interest in San Francisco, I don’t want to get my heart broken again, I’ll take things slower this time, without the U-Haul Metaphorically speaking.
Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual, my heart is in Information Tech, but Non Profits are where I want to be or a civil servant. I admire those who serve the public trust, and do good deeds where a lot of need is to be done in San Francisco.
I’ve managed to dodge some of the common pitfalls some individuals make here off and on, But continue to grow, after laundry today I have a drop or two to make as well. I also have other things I need to do at POS, and issues and logistics to iron out.
Moreover, I need to be less outgoing and annoying, and also work on my social issues, and trauma, and pain and agony in my heart. Somewhat I am reluctant to let go of manners, it’s what keeps me motive and such a hard worker and push myself so hard.
I think I am going to start volunteering someplace, and I took an orientation someplace, I also have some files to back up as well (Think DVD-R & DVD+RW)
Furthermore, I have been thinking of life, myself and where I want to be in a few years, I am going to cut some areas out but also keep some, I’ve also thought of some finical matters, and my fathers hatred of me, but also love, even if obscure.
I have séance moved on, I have been having much delight in my progress with my electrosist whom has been working wonders, I have about half way where I need to be and it helps a lot,
I also am tired of facing persuction, based on other TG folks actions, demeanor and hate and think most transgender folks in this city have other issues to iron out, and showing your 5 o’clock shadow is fucking disgusting.
For example threes this one girl whom we dislike each other dearly, she pisses like a fucking man in a women’s bathroom, in public city government owned building and I have witnessed her do this many times before , private that’s just fucking nasty and disgusting. One time I was shaken down due to something she did in a public building and proudly displayed my F Drivers License to a law enforcement officer that was responding to complaints of “men dressed as women harassing in the bathroom”
Whom this officer, took me for a “witness lineup” which I was cleared of doing “obscene sexual acts ”and committing “criminal trespass” and “various sex crimes” the fact that SFPD hates TG folks or some of them do, I don’t blame them for stereotypes, given the trash they have to put up with.
If I was a cop, Id problem just be as pissed off with queers, trans-women, homeless and all the shit SFPD has to put up with in bay view, the tenderloin, hunters point, the mission and just law enforcement bullshit amongst them selves, and as a cop day to day. Its why I like cops in general, seriously I would love to date a really butch cop.
But I’m always nice, and avoid law enforcement interactions as much as humanly possible, and they for the most part respect me, and I’ve been told by one sometimes “bad things happen to nice good people”
Its interesting and fascinates me to see the generation gap in Law Enforcement and how the treat and deal with Transgender women, we are lucky to have someone as the president of the police commission such as commissioner sparks which by the way is a Trans-woman. Whom I bump into on occasion, on the street, in the Castro, pacific heights, and even inside a police station when I was filing a report or going to with someone to file a report as a friend of bill Wilson
Another Example of disgusting transgender behavior, is voice pitch, demeanor, and mannerisms, it’s no wonder this disgusting woman or so called woman, who had a drug and drinking problem and violates he body by having sex with men.
I don’t understand how (pre-op) Transgender women could disgustingly sleep with yuck Boys, I have my orientation but Like trans-men, at least we have something in common, and trans-women (post-ops) and women. Nevertheless, I do not use women’s places of scanty nor have I ever sold my body, nor done illegal drugs.
The other point is when I drink or go out there which today is sixteen months as of 7-13-2007 when desperate for a solution I walked into the doors of Lambda Center in Houston, Texas. Furthermore, It’s a mile stone one day at a time, this January I will have 18 months sober, and also be celebrating my twenty eighth natal birthday.
Furthermore, I have not had any nightmares but have a topic to discuss with my therapist today regarding my Post-Traumatic Stress. I have an issue to discuss with her about something I noticed about myself and a way to relax and some part of my trauma that’s affecting my day to day life.
I have a love interest possibly, that’s puzzling me and how that relates to my recovery more about this later.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be alive
2.) Grateful to have folks with something in common, and my our lady of safe way fellowship
3.) Grateful to be myself
4.) Grateful to be in San Francisco
5.) Grateful to be emotionally secure
6.) Grateful to have a sponsor
7.) Grateful to have food, clothing, shelter and money in the bank
8.) Grateful to have my basic needs met
9.) Grateful to be in control of my life
10.) Grateful to be secure in myself

The list
1.) Meeting
2.) Do homework
3.) Make mental note to acquire file cabinet for space
4.) Make note to FedEx items to DLG plus X-Mass Gifts
5.) Laundry
6.) Perform research for clients
7.) Continue to grow and let people in
8.) Pray to my own personal goddess
9.) Write letter to San Francisco Chronicle
10.) Work on e-mail, website, leemcg.com, banking, payments, improving my life

It also soon marks a 6 months séance becoming legally female, in some retrospects, and other mannerisms. I still have a long way to go. In addition, going legit is hard; I see why the power, money, fortune, fame, and my sickness is what got me here.

By golly! I would not have it any other way for I am Leigh McInnis Gaetjens
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Life in San Francisco and a new happy chapter in my life

Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Slept good last night this morning, have an appointment about obtaining a grant to go back to school. Also going to clear up my IRS issues this week for tax estimation, a happier chapter in my life begins. My grandmother went officially into cartiric arrest, and is in a coma, with little chance of ever being alive in this world. She’s in a breathing machine.
Ate a yummy veggie side salad Jack in the box has awesome vegetarian salads. The best in San Francisco for the buck. Have to go pick up my inscriptions at the drug store as well. Slept well.
I miss being able to call my grandmother and tell her I love her. She lived to be eighty-five, and doesn’t want to live on a breathing machine. I also added some code to my site yesterday. In addition, the front page of the San Francisco Chronicle, speaks MUNI Accidents Cost S.F. Dearly. Which all the law suits, bad drivers, and poor reputation of the San Francisco Municipal Railway. We also ranked 2nd as the greenest city, we scored last for risk of disaster in the united states.
San Francisco ranked last due to the following reasons
1.) Traffic
2.) Lack of affordable housing.
3.)
Like Hurricane Ike, it’s a bad time to be in San Francisco when threes an earthquake, the same way it’s a bad time to be on Galveston island during a hurricane, and it’s for a non alcoholic a good time to be on bourbon street in New Orleans enjoying a hurricane at jimmy buffets Margaretville.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I made amends with my grandmother
2.) Grateful that I have people in San Francisco, Houston, New Orleans, Berkeley, Oakland that Care about me
3.) Grateful That I am sober
4.) Grateful that my dreams are starting to become a reality
5.) Grateful to have a good support and social circle
6.) Grateful to have come to California on Jan 6th 2008
7.) Grateful to be sober from July 13, 2007

The List
1.) Mail
2.) Appointment today
3.) IRS
4.) Drug Store
5.) Write code, do step work, meeting




My Goals
1.) Be more adherence to my vet diet
2.) Cut back drastically on my coffee and iced tea consumption
3.) Drink a fuck of a lot more water
4.) Attend more bulimic anonymous, debtor anonymous, and overeaters anonymous, anorexic anonymous, video game anonymous, interned addicts anonymous, online game anonymous meetings
5.) Be kinder to others with service
6.) Read the big book more





Furthermore Discovering more about myself as an individual I continue to live, long, grow and prosper as a wonderful individual.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

My Day so far, and the test of time and zen.

This morning I awoke early left at 5am, and was out and made arrangements before hand. I ate ok, I also took care of other business, while walking down the street talking to a friend I got hit very bad with seagull shit, and have massive shit hit me in the mouth at sunrise, on my sweater, jacket disguising. I cleaned up and got it out of my hair as well and washed my mother out with saltwater and threw up.

I got my post office box, did some student loan paper work, and other parts, wrote some HTML, and php and pearl and ascriptive for my site, and server. I also did some work for someone doing web submissions and search engine ranking, and suggested some changes to their meta tags that has a small business site, but its sort of lacking in skills.

I went back to eating once day, and doing the veg and going closer toward vegan. I have been taking much better care of myself, I also saw my g/f this morning and we kissed, well we like each other a lot and are close but keep our relationship very well secret. And I draw the boudoirs of sobriety. Shes bi-sexual I dunno, younger than I, doesn't quite have what I have but is over 21. but still younger than 27 but insecure also as well and in other areas well is well sort of. I dunno I should not be dating in severity.

And due to conflicts of interests we need to keep our relationship secret for my reason and hers, its odd and obscure and something we hide, due to conflicts of interests in both of us, but she has a lot of drama, and I donut let it get me down, sort of like Bosnia and I.

Have a doctors appointment later, other commitments, and made my service commitment yesterday and also have some more aggressive job hunting the bad storm systems are coming in today. My holiday yesterday was quasi productive kind of.

I went to a meeting today and have a meeting planned for later and laundry over the weekend.

I also have something to say, “all My exes live in Texas, thats why I hung my hat in San Francisco. I fly on the southwest pain to New Orleans and fire up my pickup truck and let two hundred and seventy five horse power flow, down the highway, and I love this bar in Houston, but I pass it by and keep going to meetings. And reach enlightenment, and every day is Halloween and out in san francisco I am a redneck woman.”

I have a doctors appointment, group later this week for outpoint substance abuse, and to get my hormone levels checked, and a few shots, and go to a trans gender support meeting as well. I have plans and get ready for life again. I also dreamed a bit and the nightmares have stopped, the antidepressants I filled over the weekend, have me perky and happy and in love with myself and the world. And have been helping with the flashbacks. Its a very low dose around 10mg, and its working.

I might call MM today to see if she received the request for records

PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

life and fear of the unkown and step work and well honesty and faceing the fear factor in step 1 again

buch photo of me in the mirror

Here is a scene from the set of Milk starting sean penn about the White Night riots and start of the GLBT movment in San Francisco showing homophobia and transphobia in the late 1970s

02/10/08

I hurt k owning the wrong in my heart and soul, the pain I caused myself, others and life around me. Not in resentment, I have fear, fear of going back out, loneliness being selective at who I deal with as I only want positive relationships and affirming ones.

I hurt k owning I am only want taste away, from going back out, drinking, using and abusing myself. I know I only have and hurt so much, I am tried so, sick and tired of hurting day after day life after life, k owning it only takes a smell of the booze and cesspool to bring someone out to bring the evil back in me.

I hurt seeing all these folks that don't have what I have clarity, I hurt knowing I do but could loose it, I hurt knowing my family, friends and aqauinces don't get it. I hurt because of fear of the unknown. I also am amazed at the amount of drinking and drugs that goes on, San Francisco is a lot like New York but more lib rail, devrese and both right wing, and left wing and psychotic nut jobs.

Folks who gave up and submitted to the bottle as I did, folks who destroyed and lost all. I miss folks, family , friends. Not in resentment but I was wrong, I wrote a letter of honesty, for things I am not sure if I did or not, but had to let go and share even with this person I hurt dearly, it hurt me more to compose the letter, I hurts to bleed tears of pain at how wrong I was.

Another spiritual experience I will share, is I am afraid, overloaded and tired, I feel like I don't want to take advantage of others, myself, be hurt any more, and I want to quit hurting. The experience I share of, is well my own life I don't know why I hurt, I want to quit hurting, day and night. I want the dreams and flashbacks to stop, I had another nightmare, I don't remember it much,

I know in my heart I did the right thing, I experience these dreams of being hurt over and over, of seeing the destruction of rita and Katrina from Mississippi to Louisiana to Texas. I hurt remebring being abused, I hurt with my own stereotypes and hate inside burning sometimes from not having any justice, from beefing afraid to make a stand. I hurt and put that to my higher power, my abuser reminds me so much of me, I'm tried of siting in the same place night after night leaping life to la-la land. I'm tired of hurting, dreaming, and suffering in my heart mind soul and body.

I don't want the drama, suffering and pain and well destruction anymore, I feel focus and reality is distorted more and more whats real and whats not, will I have a future and life, I don't want to drink, but folks don't understand what its like. I cry myself often, in shame for things I did, and didn't do. I am suffering kinda, and just tried of the bullshit, and pain. I want the suffering to end.

I don't know why I suffer maybe its knowing I was wrong for what I did, I did what I did because I was afraid, I went crazy, I enjoyed the panic, chaos and disorder. Insanity became the norm, when I could not get it, I moved on. Into sobriety, I had a ex prance of well maybe the drinking will kill me, maybe 90% of folks drinking, or drugs where involved in the court system even if they did not want to admit defeat to submission to the problem.

I hurt knowing I am wrong for what I did and did alone, I know the end of the tunnel is in sight, I am so tired of hurting and being in pain, day in and day out at night. My pain partially is gone, I got what I wanted a fresh start, but on the other hand, I uh lost more.

There was one encounter or phobia to some degree, I still have some phobia of law enforcement, fire, ems. I don't know maybe its one encounter for help and meeting a trans phobic cop, a rarity in san Francisco. But never the less they do exist. I have pain. I just learned not to show my fear of the unknown and the few that are transphobic assholes, most are nice. And I have no reason to fear them.

I'm hurting I don't know why Iam afraid, of the road ahead, but I know if I hang tough Ill be ok

I went to a meeting I had not in the past few days, and I observed and am working a 1^st step, I am afraid to ask for help, I am afraid of hurting folks again, I am afraid of people and being social. I'm not as much as afraid of myself, but afraid of relapse, and becoming the nasty, mean, hateful, resentful, insane, bitch, person I once was. I am afraid of hurting others and repeating past transgressions, I am jelious of others because I am lonely or get numbers and meet people but don't follow up or make friendship or keep it, other than my present sponsor.

Heres a more butch photo of me in the mirror at a coffee shop

Ive cut back on my eating went out to dinner with a friend last night, ate to much :-(

Called my sponor this morning and got out my pity party and went to a good GLBT meeting maybe the alano club was a bit much

I also took some more photos and firends, cleaned out my hard drive and played some counterstike I might start playing counterstrike pro again.

I also have some documents and copys to mail tommorow amongst other tasks at hand.

I am going back to eating once a day and drinking tea and coffee more a bit.

The weather is vastly improveing desireable.

I updated some code on LEEMCG.COM and started to build a San Francisco On-Line Transgender community much as Christan has at Transhouston.com with some of the server extentions I installed long ago, have documents to mail to texas and Louisiana and to meet with the transgender lasison officer next week and a therpey apointment as well with my new wonderful therpsist who is also transgender iminage that and a little older than me but around the same age group.

Im getting old soon to be out of the 25-30 crowd :-(

Have a crush and dateing prospects, but Im not busy. and I have some resentments and even jeliousity but Im dealing with it in a better manner than past transgressions (no pun intended)

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

Life brutal honesty and what goes around comes around

02/09/08

Called my sponsor promised Id go to a meeting today. Had a wonderful therapy session, My stalked was verbally threating, implied she would get a firearm though a mailbox place or fed ex, illegally What goes around comes around, I told my sponsor and a few friends about it, and met a few folks. I am afraid to go to law enforcement, there is this nice Dyke cop thats older and a supervisor thats really good to GLBT folks next time we bump paths I might discuss it a bit with her as to how to proceed.

I also had a wonderful therapy session, my stalker and abuser feels Like I am a yuppie and think I am better than her, and blah blah blah. I just want a better life than I had been living. I donut like Trans genders or dislike them, I feel we need unity and equity and the whole trans gender movement is wrong, which to some degree we have in san Francisco, even though there is a little Trans-Phobia and Misinformation.

I also discovered more about myself and life, and amends and being honest of not kowning things I may or may not have done when I was drinking and doing stupid things.

I made a few friends and have commitments. I also want to game and play counterstrike again. I also have been dreaming of other obscure things ideas. I have a wonderful therapist whom I adore and is great and good along the lines with melamine Morrison. And a splendid replacement.

Muni and Bart Police have busted some gropers on the rail and stalkers of women. I also have been groped a few times on Muni. I figured something out recently a odd empty lot thats city owned, It used to be part of the freeway before the 1989 earthquake when part of Octavia and the raised portions in the area of 101 and I-80 was torn down for safety due to the partial collapse and to control traffic on people and dumbfounded tourists wanting to drive and cruse market street.

Urban Exploration rocks, I made a few new friends and well have my walls and defence triggers I need to HALT and go to a meeting, Ive been busy with needless and tiredless projects and been laying low due to my issue with my abuser.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

My true-self, transphobia, and inner bitch exposed and progress but not prefection

02/03/08

Went to a gnostic and atheist AA meeting yesterday, slept a bit over last night, still sober apporaching my 7 month mark. Scared and lonely a bit, and missing my past, and what I had and hoeing for a better future.

Had some guy today creep me out when going to handle some finical matters talking to me, and followed me a bit. Had some night sweats and chills last night. Slept kinda ok. Have a therapy appointment next week with a transgender therapist who happens to also be transgender.

Talked to PMG, and DLG a bit, called but didn't reach MLS, MCG can not be spoken to and good ridings. I realized more recently I passed through the fruit ville station from the Oakland, airport and saw MLS area and part of town. I have plans in the summer and fall to go get my pick em' truck from Texas to out here. I also spoke to a few other folks.

Had some temptations recently to go out but did not, saw someone from Texas blasting brooks and dunn Friday night, and also saw some bikers checking me out and hitting on me blearing led zeppelin on some Harley's.

I got propitiations and get missed a bit more out here, but fuck I donut want HIV or something I prefer magnanimous, relationships and more abstinence. I looked forward to a bar where I had a lapse in judgment but practices safe sex, with to much to drink right now it should be leveled into rubble and a parking lot.

I dreamed last night some naughty things about a Crush I had at the LAMBA center in Houston, Texas. We don't have a LAMBA center here, but San Jose has one once I get my truck out here, and garaged, I might spend the holidays down there, or ride BART down to San Jose.

I talked to my wonderful sponsor who has 22 years in the program is wonderful. I also yesterday reported something to a friend of works at the trans gender law center about a group that gets funing for the city providing services to those in need, that on documents excludes Trans gender_women by showing only “women born women” are welcome, I ran into her at the GLBT community center.

I stared a bit in the upcoming film “MILK” maybe Ill make it into post production, or not. A story a major motion picture about the White Night Riots in the late 1970s in San Francisco, CA.

Ive been cravening some good Texas, BBQ and baked potato and even a good New Orleans PO-boy (not the bull shit you get in Houston)

I miss my family, and being able to share my life with them, I miss my friends, those who cared, those who ethically or for the good of others had to distance themselves from me. I miss those who I hurt, and myself I hurt more.

I miss my job, my apartment, my friends. I wish I didn't fuck my life up which I did. I wish I could have gotten help and when I did even when I was wronged by witch doctors I wish I had remained strong. I wish I had transferred to the Oakland, CA wal-mart or the one out in Berkeley, CA and moved to San Francisco, CA when I had the chance.

I'm glad I overcame my own Trans-Phobia. I wish my folks could understand more, but I am becoming older wiser. I resisted temptation of the sweet smell of drinking. I wish I could still drink or just have one But I cant, I ruined that for myself when I fucked my life up.

I have to remain strong, I had to terminated friendships, relationships, and acquaintances here in San Francisco its hard to make new friends, but Id rather have little or none, and have positive friendships that don't party, drink or use drugs or do destructive actions and keep my standards utterly high and be alone or little than have bad friendships, connections.

I miss being utterly popular and amazing, I am quiet shy, laid back and alone. I am the one who people watches and I remain positive for the reason of doing what I must. Because life is short. I saw a sign and advertisement New Orleans never was dry. (blah the irony of booze and addiction)

But I am alive, well and taking care of myself, and doing whats right for me, one day at time, first things first and reaming focused dis plained, and remembering to HALT. I am me LEE.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

Life in the sunshine state to the Lone star State finding Zen enlightment and my trueself

01/31/08

The reality of the truth I created, called RH to wish him a happy birthday of 49 years of severity. Ray hill is one of my heroes even though he is 2000 miles away. Did some research on bringing my pickup truck to California sometime in the fall after I get settled, made contacts at the city collage for schooling, and becoming A+ certified, and going to school for IT.

Had a friend who works in Law Enforcement check out my father, I figured out why I see him often and on occasion. He lives near the GLBT center, and lives in san Francisco and moved back int eh city, my dad needs to do some step work as do I with him. I wont bitch to much about that.

Went to a meeting this morning, and took care of business, and have other plans later today, spoke to a few friends, and have appointments and tasks to finish and at hand. I also called my folks, and took care of other affairs.

I'm going to have to get my truck weighed by a weighmatser or moving and storage company. And other tasks. Lucky for me its a California emissions model. And even the engine and intake mods are CARB approved. Made a few new friends.

Got a case manager at the Tg drop in center, and have other tasks, I also downloaded some DPS and Legal forms for the California DPS, and did some filming and 2^nd work for the movie Milk about the Harvey Milk riots of the late 1970s and start of the modern GLBT movement.

The city and state has apportioned funds for Transgender employment, and collage maybe I will get some of the funding I watched the press conference in city hall, I was coming from the library and met some cool Trans gender activists and lobbyists, I also did some research and might be able to get employment, for a lobbyist group for HRC and fighting for trans gender rights and awareness and get paid to do such, educating and informing employers, businesses and places on Trans gender awareness.

Today I was walking down the street and I saw a jody foster look alike, looked darn near close it might have really been her who knows I was in the Castro, and now shes out and proud. The San Francisco Public Library has a large collection of GLBT books, magazines and media that amuses me and much on coding and web development.

I had some of the documents sent over and shall see, my friend might have some shoes for me later. I also am worried about my friend, I also feel some folks with their phobia, and found a girl who acts like I used to, and very unladylike like and disgusting and a embarrassment to women and trans-women.

It amazes me sober, the drug culture out here, and folks walking down the street smoking pot like its a cig. Or the hard drugs I see the messed up trans folk, LSD, Heroin, PCP, meth, crack, coke, XTC, etc.

But the LSD and other hard stuff is amazing, and also amazing when someones walking down the street smoking pot how strong it is compared to the southern states, I'm glad to be clean, and sober and almost 7 months, and have what others don't hope, faith and a possibly better future and brighter tomorrow.

I miss my folks, I miss being able to talk to my grandmother, and folks about things, and my grandmother continues to use improper pro-nouns in me, I get missed a lot more or “miss” more and more out here., I'm tired of it, I wonder if its worth it. I have a few dating prospects some good, right now I need to work on me. One outside the city a bit in the countryside, and in the hot hills where A/C is the norm unlike SFO.

I also miss my friends, mentors. Carter, sonny, other folks at LAMBA some I had a crush on, I miss Taft Street, I miss Inversion, Hollywood Bistro, Catalina Coffee, Cafe Artiste, I miss going to various churches in Houston, The Quakers, UU, MCC and the liberal baptist Church miss late night runs to Kroger, I miss wal-mart, target, the resale shops on westheimer, I miss montrose, I miss pride. I'm feeling better and getting over my cold. I miss Nancy B, Kathy F, other folks. I miss 80s music, I miss county music, I miss Gothic, punk, dance, industrial.. I also Miss Dave from Lamba, and Danlle, Kam, and others from my past.

I also hope one day, Christan W, Lilly R, and others I harmed, did nasty things to with my drinking and substance abuse one day we can become friends or I can be welcomed back, I am out here roughing it and building a new life for myself, to ensure sobriety. I think after time one day I might show up to one of her TG meetings in about 5 years maybe on a vacation or so. I miss Texas, and have long term amends to make but I love (SFO) but I need to do the right thing by those I wronged.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)