Monday, December 08, 2008
The reality of my sobriety, this morning was walking through the Castro before a meeting walked in on a smash and grab, san Francisco’s finest responded fast, and the tweaker was arrested and I was questioned, and found not involved with it.
Furthermore, the person I want to become. Is clearer, I desire to be less of an attention whore-ish, self centered-selfish bitch. And more charitable, kind and pleasant to be in the company thereof. The Houston Police Officer whom was gunned down was a nice officer, who let me go on a minor traffic ticket once.
Spoke to ray hill who saw milk again. I also have been talking with sponsor whom grew up in Houston, Texas. And knows some folks that I am still on speaking terms with. I got tired of being alone, and was able to achive more here than I was in Houston, yet still feel home sick for the lone star state.
Moreover, I think my resentment toward christen, guilt and shame is best dealt with by staying away, The reality as it stands is I am unwelcome and need to back down, I don’t always have to be right and need to learn to practice these principles in all my affairs.
I installed some new php, sql and other code to the server, I also backed up files today. I also have to send some documents to the insurance company, applied for a new apartment today. I also attempted to call in to my sponsor. I went to orphan Andy’s this morning for coffee.
Furthermore I updated and am working on leemcg.com and leighmcinnisgaetjens.com as well. I also backed up photos to my backup server. Currently my mood suits Led zeppelin. Ran into a old friend shelly today. Whom we are a bit friendly she was headed to Oakland on Bart to get some um, work done.
Spoke a bit to my former religious past whom I moved onward from mainly I’m what missionaries call just friendly, I moved on from Organized religion and the so called fear establishment of oh my god!
Recently linked up with an old friend via yahoo messenger is married and doing well, never thought this person would grow the fuck up.
Gratitude List
1.) That I have oppertunitys here
2.) That I have friends, family and people who care in San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, Portland, Seattle, New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Dallas, Austin, and Houston.
3.) That I keep in touch with my own personal jesus
4.) That I have a plan and commitment to my plan
5.) That I am getting things achived.
The List
1.) Mail documents to finance company
2.) Turn in early to finish work tomorrow
3.) Mail copy’s of documents to DLG
4.) Get extra keys for PS and USPS for DLG and MLS
5.) Give log on info to MLS and DLG
6.) Give contact info for MLS and DLG
7.) Make some amends with pac
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Showing posts with label queer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label queer. Show all posts
Monday, December 8, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
10-9-2008
Slept rather splendid last night, awoke at 3ish this morning, showered was read for my day, Became well rested good today. I also talked to my wonderful therapist about things in my life; the medication for the PTSD seems to be working, rather well.
Went to a 7am meeting at the Alano club did not have any nightmares last night.
Furthermore, I spoke to some friends in town, and did some contacting, yesterday I cried a good part of the day, and listened to led zeppelin, Billy Idol, The Cure, Depeche Mode, Ministry, Ramones, White Zombie, Brooks and Dunn, and Little Texas grieving to my grandmother’s death.
I miss Texas, I miss Houston, and I miss Corinne and others from 3296. I wonder if the big bad wolf is still happening. My life is unmanageable and in shambles, I also hope one day I am able to rejoin my foes, and those I scared In the Houston Texas TG Community with my drinking, I am finding that as I gain sobriety, I am more afraid when shit happens and want to be less attention whoreish.
To futherstate, things the power of resentment, I understand my guilt and shame of my true self, and the power of my hate and hate of victor, john, Enrique, Carl, elm dean, tine, James, Henry are killing me inside.
Furthermore, be allowing the anger, blood and resentment and the desire for vigilantism. Moreover, I allow them to win by allowing the resentment to live, it needs to go in my god box and my own personal Jesus, and may they rot in HELL!!!
I need restraint of computer, word, and tongue, is the best option, Intellectually I can comprehend that but it’s difficult to get over the anger of my hate crime that the bastards I listed above, that the FBI nor the United States Government only certain, state, local, and county governments reluctantly accept transgender individuals with legal rights, protections.
I am controversial which is why I publish my blog, website and domain, to show the daily struggles, keep a life online, and show the world we are not that different from integration of African Americans.
I wish the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints would allow us, rights and equity and understand how many GLBTQ members end up committing suicide.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be sober
2.) Grateful to have folks who care about me in New Orleans, Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Francisco, Oakland, and Berkeley.
3.) Grateful to have a spiritual awakening
4.) Grateful to be near my father martin Clark Gaetjens
5.) Grateful to be in San Francisco
6.) Grateful for my wonderful therapist
7.) Grateful to be working a good program
8.) Grateful for the opportunity in the long term to build a bond with my father.
I also got a card for Saint Anthony’s a green card that works well, due to the prior harassment and idiots in the line there. I have been working and am close to finishing my IRS Issues, and will be able to attend City Collage of San Francisco in the near future; I need to call the advisor I was working with.
Furthermore, I discovered more about myself and continue to grow and prosper. I also work a good program, continuing to grow as an individual
Talked to the theprsit about my anger, and resentment and my transition and other issues. I also spoke to a few other individuals. My back has been hurting more so lately. I’m hanging tough she also suggested san Mateo county or Costa contra county. I might like San Jose, they have a pretty good center there and community but it’s Not San Francisco But I’d have my Truck and the Cal train and maybe eventfully a bicycle into the city.
Another thing to be grateful for is not being so angry all the time, as if I used to be. I have
Friday, October 10, 2008
Slept good last night, some women where I live brawled, the other thing was I received a call from Larkin street youth services, which was amusing. They want me to interview for a youth councilor position.
For those of you who don’t know. Larkin Street is a nonprofit that works with youth who are 12-1under 25 but also is well known for working with youth 18-under 25 whom runs away from home due to being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or queer. That’s their primary clientele, they also work with substance abuse, former foster care kids, and a lot of kids from Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama.
Furthermore, they are well known for their work with transgender youth. They are similar to covenant house run by catholic charities. Furthermore, it is an entry-level position, which I plan to attend City College and get a MSW, or become a LMT and continue to work in this field given it’s something I understand, and I get to help the next generation on their road to transition.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to have this opportunity for employment in tough times
2.) Grateful to be sober
3.) Grateful to be aggressive in bettering my life, and assertive and more secure in self.
4.) Grateful to have friends, family and individuals that care about me both locally and in two other states
5.) Grateful to be out, proud but censored and settled down.
6.) Grateful in the long term to be able to build a relatshinship with my father in San Francisco
7.) Grateful to be In San Francisco
8.) Grateful for my wonderful therapist
9.) Grateful to be alive
10.) Grateful to have a program
11.) Grateful to have my own personal Jesus
12.)
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Slept rather splendid last night, awoke at 3ish this morning, showered was read for my day, Became well rested good today. I also talked to my wonderful therapist about things in my life; the medication for the PTSD seems to be working, rather well.
Went to a 7am meeting at the Alano club did not have any nightmares last night.
Furthermore, I spoke to some friends in town, and did some contacting, yesterday I cried a good part of the day, and listened to led zeppelin, Billy Idol, The Cure, Depeche Mode, Ministry, Ramones, White Zombie, Brooks and Dunn, and Little Texas grieving to my grandmother’s death.
I miss Texas, I miss Houston, and I miss Corinne and others from 3296. I wonder if the big bad wolf is still happening. My life is unmanageable and in shambles, I also hope one day I am able to rejoin my foes, and those I scared In the Houston Texas TG Community with my drinking, I am finding that as I gain sobriety, I am more afraid when shit happens and want to be less attention whoreish.
To futherstate, things the power of resentment, I understand my guilt and shame of my true self, and the power of my hate and hate of victor, john, Enrique, Carl, elm dean, tine, James, Henry are killing me inside.
Furthermore, be allowing the anger, blood and resentment and the desire for vigilantism. Moreover, I allow them to win by allowing the resentment to live, it needs to go in my god box and my own personal Jesus, and may they rot in HELL!!!
I need restraint of computer, word, and tongue, is the best option, Intellectually I can comprehend that but it’s difficult to get over the anger of my hate crime that the bastards I listed above, that the FBI nor the United States Government only certain, state, local, and county governments reluctantly accept transgender individuals with legal rights, protections.
I am controversial which is why I publish my blog, website and domain, to show the daily struggles, keep a life online, and show the world we are not that different from integration of African Americans.
I wish the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints would allow us, rights and equity and understand how many GLBTQ members end up committing suicide.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be sober
2.) Grateful to have folks who care about me in New Orleans, Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Francisco, Oakland, and Berkeley.
3.) Grateful to have a spiritual awakening
4.) Grateful to be near my father martin Clark Gaetjens
5.) Grateful to be in San Francisco
6.) Grateful for my wonderful therapist
7.) Grateful to be working a good program
8.) Grateful for the opportunity in the long term to build a bond with my father.
I also got a card for Saint Anthony’s a green card that works well, due to the prior harassment and idiots in the line there. I have been working and am close to finishing my IRS Issues, and will be able to attend City Collage of San Francisco in the near future; I need to call the advisor I was working with.
Furthermore, I discovered more about myself and continue to grow and prosper. I also work a good program, continuing to grow as an individual
Talked to the theprsit about my anger, and resentment and my transition and other issues. I also spoke to a few other individuals. My back has been hurting more so lately. I’m hanging tough she also suggested san Mateo county or Costa contra county. I might like San Jose, they have a pretty good center there and community but it’s Not San Francisco But I’d have my Truck and the Cal train and maybe eventfully a bicycle into the city.
Another thing to be grateful for is not being so angry all the time, as if I used to be. I have
Friday, October 10, 2008
Slept good last night, some women where I live brawled, the other thing was I received a call from Larkin street youth services, which was amusing. They want me to interview for a youth councilor position.
For those of you who don’t know. Larkin Street is a nonprofit that works with youth who are 12-1under 25 but also is well known for working with youth 18-under 25 whom runs away from home due to being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or queer. That’s their primary clientele, they also work with substance abuse, former foster care kids, and a lot of kids from Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama.
Furthermore, they are well known for their work with transgender youth. They are similar to covenant house run by catholic charities. Furthermore, it is an entry-level position, which I plan to attend City College and get a MSW, or become a LMT and continue to work in this field given it’s something I understand, and I get to help the next generation on their road to transition.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to have this opportunity for employment in tough times
2.) Grateful to be sober
3.) Grateful to be aggressive in bettering my life, and assertive and more secure in self.
4.) Grateful to have friends, family and individuals that care about me both locally and in two other states
5.) Grateful to be out, proud but censored and settled down.
6.) Grateful in the long term to be able to build a relatshinship with my father in San Francisco
7.) Grateful to be In San Francisco
8.) Grateful for my wonderful therapist
9.) Grateful to be alive
10.) Grateful to have a program
11.) Grateful to have my own personal Jesus
12.)
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Had a semi productive day, defragged the servers HDD, and did some routine naissance on my system. Continued to grow as an individual met someone special this morning, as well. Attended High noon today, went out a bit, have some employment things to do for clair.
Also might have a very very good lead on a place in the east bay which makes me very happy given its Berkeley as well. Or south Berkeley near the pacific center which is a double woot,
Furthermore, and sadly My grandmother was taken off the venletor today, and slowly quit breathing, as her body shut down. I miss her, dearly, but know shes looking after me above.
Furthermore, I wonder if she was in an in-between state. As I was on January 26, 2007 when I had a spiritual experience. Moreover, made changes in my life, and self-reformed my life.
I also could have ousted someone today, but didn’t. I also am going to attempt to converse with an individual whom I think should stand up for herself in more of a degree, but learned enjoying the séance is more progressive to Trans-Phobia sometimes, not every battle should be won.
Nor, is every battle worth fighting for, even if its hate.
I as of late struggle to get and let go of my inner terror, and demons and trauma. I also wonder if I will ever have a live and be secure again, I have a plan for some spirituality in my self today, perhaps I could be productive for myself.
Ive been locking individuals out, and being alone, and that’s just not cool. But I can’t have fun or enjoyment, I feel empty, lost and meaningless.
Gratitude List
1.)I am grateful for to be able to work on coping with pain and loss of my grandmother
2.) I am grateful to be sober
3.) I am grateful for clothing, shelter, and food
4.) I am grateful to have made amends with my grandmother before she died
5.) I am grateful to have reached out back to Houston or attempted to.
6.) I am grateful to have family, friends in San Francisco, Houston, Dallas, Austin, New Orleans, Berkeley, and Oakland whom care about me.
7.)I am grateful to attempt to overcome past trauma, and transgressions
Accountbality
1.) Mail
2.) Applications
3.) Meetings
4.) Greif
5.) Spiritualiy
6.) Application and security for inner self
7.) Job hunting, and follow-ups
8.) Morning
9.)
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Had a semi productive day, defragged the servers HDD, and did some routine naissance on my system. Continued to grow as an individual met someone special this morning, as well. Attended High noon today, went out a bit, have some employment things to do for clair.
Also might have a very very good lead on a place in the east bay which makes me very happy given its Berkeley as well. Or south Berkeley near the pacific center which is a double woot,
Furthermore, and sadly My grandmother was taken off the venletor today, and slowly quit breathing, as her body shut down. I miss her, dearly, but know shes looking after me above.
Furthermore, I wonder if she was in an in-between state. As I was on January 26, 2007 when I had a spiritual experience. Moreover, made changes in my life, and self-reformed my life.
I also could have ousted someone today, but didn’t. I also am going to attempt to converse with an individual whom I think should stand up for herself in more of a degree, but learned enjoying the séance is more progressive to Trans-Phobia sometimes, not every battle should be won.
Nor, is every battle worth fighting for, even if its hate.
I as of late struggle to get and let go of my inner terror, and demons and trauma. I also wonder if I will ever have a live and be secure again, I have a plan for some spirituality in my self today, perhaps I could be productive for myself.
Ive been locking individuals out, and being alone, and that’s just not cool. But I can’t have fun or enjoyment, I feel empty, lost and meaningless.
Gratitude List
1.)I am grateful for to be able to work on coping with pain and loss of my grandmother
2.) I am grateful to be sober
3.) I am grateful for clothing, shelter, and food
4.) I am grateful to have made amends with my grandmother before she died
5.) I am grateful to have reached out back to Houston or attempted to.
6.) I am grateful to have family, friends in San Francisco, Houston, Dallas, Austin, New Orleans, Berkeley, and Oakland whom care about me.
7.)I am grateful to attempt to overcome past trauma, and transgressions
Accountbality
1.) Mail
2.) Applications
3.) Meetings
4.) Greif
5.) Spiritualiy
6.) Application and security for inner self
7.) Job hunting, and follow-ups
8.) Morning
9.)
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Kick Start my Faith and own personal jesus, and grattuide of life of 27 years young
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Slept good last night had a very hot shower this morning went to bed around 5pm, woke up at 3am, very recharged and refreshed today. Went walking this morning, burned some fat, going to take care of something difficult in the next few days.
Glad to still be sober, Ill post more about my experience it further involves the San Francisco Police commission, perhaps Ill even get to meet infamous Teresa sparks( again I met her a few years ago before she was president of the commission at pride), whom I admire and have followed her carrier for a long time.
Yet part of me is missing, I find it difficult for gratitude. I find it difficult to readjust to a normal civilian life, but its easier. I don’t want the drama of my past.
Just thinking of some of the famous individuals, I have met and shook hands with I’ve lived a respectable life so far the past 3-4 years of my life have been fast paced, with its ups and downs, drama, fear, horror, good choices and bad mistakes and poor judgment.
Interesting observations & current projects
Sometimes when Out and about, people out me as a transsexual woman, or a shim. Or whatever. Ill be posting my Bay Area shit list of trans-phobia individuals, businesses and other groups, or public service wall of shame. That’s sure to be some pride and un-censorship the database I am working on for my personal project. And its bound to piss a few people off, which doesn’t bother me, fuck yeah bring it on.
In the other factor I
1.) Bill white Mayor of Houston and former Entergy secretary under Bill Clinton
2.) Mayor Ray Nagin Mayor Of New Orleans
3.) Phyllis Frye famous transsexual atty. And lobbyist.
4.) Monica Lewinsky who gave bill Clinton one of the most famous blow jobs, I met her at a book signing
5.) Ray Hill famous for his bust of the dog food scandal, and the supreme court ruling (Houston v. Hill) which abolished “interfering with police procedure” which was often used to harass media, protesters, etc.
6.) Sgt Julia Oliver HPD who works in 911 emergency operations center in Houston emergency management Famous Transsexual Police Sgt
7.) Teresa Sparks President of the San Francisco Police commission famous transsexual police officer that does internal affairs
8.) President Bush (both of them) during storm recovery work
9.) Elder former president bush during Katrina recovery
10.) Former President Clinton doing during Katrina recovery
11.) Senator Clinton before she ran for president I met her during recovery operations
12.) Chelas Clinton in San Francisco once doing service work, I shook her hand
13.) Massena Davis director of the San Francisco Transgender Law center
14.) Lawrence as in (Lawrence-v-Texas) whom outlawed anti-some laws and gay sex or danced in Harris County Texas by the Untied States Supreme Court when George W Bush was running for office.
15.) Gavin Newsom Mayor of San Francisco 2 years ago I shook his hand in city hall when visiting San Francisco as a tourist
16.) Tom Delay former crook and mixed up in the Enron scandal in the court House in Houston
17.) Ken Lay former coo of Enron in the courthouse in Houston
18.) Andria Yates once in the Jail when I worked as a vendor & contractor inside
19.) Clarian Harris Once when In the Harris County Jail when I worked as a contractor and vendor inside
20.) Various seniors, and elected officials council members and others in the Texas political scene when I used to go to democratic and republican fundraisers when I drank, I can’t think of them all, in better times, and also heavy drinking and when I used to make border runs foolishly as a coyote, and a firearms smuggler and even sometimes worked for elected officials in dirty political deeds ( I sometimes solved problems, or ruined a few people) views which I retain anonminity about my shady contacts. I got out that line of work and retired.
Yet despite not being anyone noteworthy, but likening money, power, influence and drama, and meeting people and being kind with my southern hospitality. I am still unhappy, I feel part of me in not there or I don’t have what I want out of life, I make it, and I will survive but I feel I am in need of better, and want more and won’t give up hope, pride, power and determination.
I find I don’t want to drama, adrenaline rush even though nothing is more sexually erotic than high speed, drama, running and having fear I prefer not to have it, I choose not to.
The list for today
1.) San Francisco Police Commission
2.) Mail check and send documents to Houston & New Orleans & San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley
3.) Make doctor’s Appointment
4.) Write Letter and apply for jobs
5.) Rest, eat well lots of water, meditation and AA meeting
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I have a plan in life
2.) Grateful that I know what I want out of life
3.) Grateful to be twenty-seven years young
4.) Grateful to be sober
5.) Grateful to have been able to be out and started my path young
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Slept good last night had a very hot shower this morning went to bed around 5pm, woke up at 3am, very recharged and refreshed today. Went walking this morning, burned some fat, going to take care of something difficult in the next few days.
Glad to still be sober, Ill post more about my experience it further involves the San Francisco Police commission, perhaps Ill even get to meet infamous Teresa sparks( again I met her a few years ago before she was president of the commission at pride), whom I admire and have followed her carrier for a long time.
Yet part of me is missing, I find it difficult for gratitude. I find it difficult to readjust to a normal civilian life, but its easier. I don’t want the drama of my past.
Just thinking of some of the famous individuals, I have met and shook hands with I’ve lived a respectable life so far the past 3-4 years of my life have been fast paced, with its ups and downs, drama, fear, horror, good choices and bad mistakes and poor judgment.
Interesting observations & current projects
Sometimes when Out and about, people out me as a transsexual woman, or a shim. Or whatever. Ill be posting my Bay Area shit list of trans-phobia individuals, businesses and other groups, or public service wall of shame. That’s sure to be some pride and un-censorship the database I am working on for my personal project. And its bound to piss a few people off, which doesn’t bother me, fuck yeah bring it on.
In the other factor I
1.) Bill white Mayor of Houston and former Entergy secretary under Bill Clinton
2.) Mayor Ray Nagin Mayor Of New Orleans
3.) Phyllis Frye famous transsexual atty. And lobbyist.
4.) Monica Lewinsky who gave bill Clinton one of the most famous blow jobs, I met her at a book signing
5.) Ray Hill famous for his bust of the dog food scandal, and the supreme court ruling (Houston v. Hill) which abolished “interfering with police procedure” which was often used to harass media, protesters, etc.
6.) Sgt Julia Oliver HPD who works in 911 emergency operations center in Houston emergency management Famous Transsexual Police Sgt
7.) Teresa Sparks President of the San Francisco Police commission famous transsexual police officer that does internal affairs
8.) President Bush (both of them) during storm recovery work
9.) Elder former president bush during Katrina recovery
10.) Former President Clinton doing during Katrina recovery
11.) Senator Clinton before she ran for president I met her during recovery operations
12.) Chelas Clinton in San Francisco once doing service work, I shook her hand
13.) Massena Davis director of the San Francisco Transgender Law center
14.) Lawrence as in (Lawrence-v-Texas) whom outlawed anti-some laws and gay sex or danced in Harris County Texas by the Untied States Supreme Court when George W Bush was running for office.
15.) Gavin Newsom Mayor of San Francisco 2 years ago I shook his hand in city hall when visiting San Francisco as a tourist
16.) Tom Delay former crook and mixed up in the Enron scandal in the court House in Houston
17.) Ken Lay former coo of Enron in the courthouse in Houston
18.) Andria Yates once in the Jail when I worked as a vendor & contractor inside
19.) Clarian Harris Once when In the Harris County Jail when I worked as a contractor and vendor inside
20.) Various seniors, and elected officials council members and others in the Texas political scene when I used to go to democratic and republican fundraisers when I drank, I can’t think of them all, in better times, and also heavy drinking and when I used to make border runs foolishly as a coyote, and a firearms smuggler and even sometimes worked for elected officials in dirty political deeds ( I sometimes solved problems, or ruined a few people) views which I retain anonminity about my shady contacts. I got out that line of work and retired.
Yet despite not being anyone noteworthy, but likening money, power, influence and drama, and meeting people and being kind with my southern hospitality. I am still unhappy, I feel part of me in not there or I don’t have what I want out of life, I make it, and I will survive but I feel I am in need of better, and want more and won’t give up hope, pride, power and determination.
I find I don’t want to drama, adrenaline rush even though nothing is more sexually erotic than high speed, drama, running and having fear I prefer not to have it, I choose not to.
The list for today
1.) San Francisco Police Commission
2.) Mail check and send documents to Houston & New Orleans & San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley
3.) Make doctor’s Appointment
4.) Write Letter and apply for jobs
5.) Rest, eat well lots of water, meditation and AA meeting
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I have a plan in life
2.) Grateful that I know what I want out of life
3.) Grateful to be twenty-seven years young
4.) Grateful to be sober
5.) Grateful to have been able to be out and started my path young
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Thursday, July 31, 2008
*** amendment***
To explain, further discovery of myself fact of life and who I am as an individual and interpersonal enlighten for myself. I had a wonderful thereby session today, was very progressive. I also discussed plans for my future long term and short.
Also my feelings of cutting ties to some people, places, groups, non-profits in San Francisco and the GLBT community due to disagreement with advertising, promotional material, and differences in policial opnion and outreach strategy.
My viewpoints have reached a point where I don’t care, I have been asked why do you post your personal information on the web? Well the answer is, my site is like my children, maybe I want to leave my fruit in the world, my ideas, in the depths of Google, various site robot indexers, search engine archives, blog archives to leave my views.
My views on some issues have changed a few years later, for example I used to be anti-abortion now I am pro abortion, I agree aborting in prices is wrong, but allow it due to the fact many children for adoption and also individuals make mistakes, not every child is adoptable and with black market babies for sale.
The harsh truth is, I believe its better to terminate a life and child, rather than to allow it to positional be abused in foster care, group homes, adoption, or being sold or used for illegal or immoral reasons. People make bad choices and mistakes, and some individuals give abortion a bad name, and therefore hold or to a higher power and your own personal Jesus, the individual accountable, and maybe deny folks who have more problems and over-breeding children though bad choices.
Another viewpoint is, I used to be very pro firearm and violence, while I still am, I think that mentally encourages viligianitism and further gun violence, but even if you take the firearms away, the criminals still have them will use them, as a small business sewer, single person, the reality is the police can’t be everywhere, and you have a right to protect yourself.
I think so called “hard-reduction” is liberal garbage, wasting taxpayer money, I think harm reduction should be a orange jumpsuit, time in county jail and meetings behind bars. It is what reformed my life, I think California and the liberal(s) that are allow San Francisco Bums to abuse the system, is wrong and a disgrace, just recently a guy got 3 days jail for assault on a police officer, a guy who has been arrested for aggressive panhandling, drunk and disorderly, resisting arrest, carrying a concealed weapon, and even committed for mental health.
You Can’t help someone whom does not desire, wish or want to help themselves, forced reform and sobriety is a waste of time spend time in Civic Center, Church Street Upper Market. 6th street beaten market and mission, go walk through the tenderloin, or lower mission or lower height-Ashbury and witnessed the waste.
Gavin Newsom has the right princely, but under his care not cash program her hurts folks more, and hold people accountable for help, demand accountbalotyu for funds. Don’t just put someone in a room, with a number on the door in utter poverty and warehouse.
The work program is good for that, but I think even random drug and substance abuse testing for shelter beds, would be a superb idea, or segregation based on sobriety shelters with “zero-tolerance Policies” and concept to random testing, on a lottery system based on prior history, criminal history, and maybe even check for warrants.
You are giving someone a warm bed, a hot meal for FREE why not ask for something in return? Or if you want more services and comfort why not consent to testing, why allow individuals who abuse san Francisco overly liberal policies to abuse the system, at tax paper expense, individuals who want help who are sober, and clean, individuals who work, individuals who are doing the right thing.
The system as of now, allows no-accountability for actions, it allows individuals to abuse the system to reinforce their negative actions and behaviors, at the expense to public safety, health, crime, public nuisance, and promotes partition, drug use, robbery, auto theft, breaking & entering, property crime. While supporting others form bottoming out at the expected of Tax Payers to the City & County of San Francisco and you me, the guy who strugglers to feed his family, the young collage girl, the elderly sleep in the cold, trying to make ends meet and start over.
Global fuel, cost of living, expanse are increasing for the social
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
To explain, further discovery of myself fact of life and who I am as an individual and interpersonal enlighten for myself. I had a wonderful thereby session today, was very progressive. I also discussed plans for my future long term and short.
Also my feelings of cutting ties to some people, places, groups, non-profits in San Francisco and the GLBT community due to disagreement with advertising, promotional material, and differences in policial opnion and outreach strategy.
My viewpoints have reached a point where I don’t care, I have been asked why do you post your personal information on the web? Well the answer is, my site is like my children, maybe I want to leave my fruit in the world, my ideas, in the depths of Google, various site robot indexers, search engine archives, blog archives to leave my views.
My views on some issues have changed a few years later, for example I used to be anti-abortion now I am pro abortion, I agree aborting in prices is wrong, but allow it due to the fact many children for adoption and also individuals make mistakes, not every child is adoptable and with black market babies for sale.
The harsh truth is, I believe its better to terminate a life and child, rather than to allow it to positional be abused in foster care, group homes, adoption, or being sold or used for illegal or immoral reasons. People make bad choices and mistakes, and some individuals give abortion a bad name, and therefore hold or to a higher power and your own personal Jesus, the individual accountable, and maybe deny folks who have more problems and over-breeding children though bad choices.
Another viewpoint is, I used to be very pro firearm and violence, while I still am, I think that mentally encourages viligianitism and further gun violence, but even if you take the firearms away, the criminals still have them will use them, as a small business sewer, single person, the reality is the police can’t be everywhere, and you have a right to protect yourself.
I think so called “hard-reduction” is liberal garbage, wasting taxpayer money, I think harm reduction should be a orange jumpsuit, time in county jail and meetings behind bars. It is what reformed my life, I think California and the liberal(s) that are allow San Francisco Bums to abuse the system, is wrong and a disgrace, just recently a guy got 3 days jail for assault on a police officer, a guy who has been arrested for aggressive panhandling, drunk and disorderly, resisting arrest, carrying a concealed weapon, and even committed for mental health.
You Can’t help someone whom does not desire, wish or want to help themselves, forced reform and sobriety is a waste of time spend time in Civic Center, Church Street Upper Market. 6th street beaten market and mission, go walk through the tenderloin, or lower mission or lower height-Ashbury and witnessed the waste.
Gavin Newsom has the right princely, but under his care not cash program her hurts folks more, and hold people accountable for help, demand accountbalotyu for funds. Don’t just put someone in a room, with a number on the door in utter poverty and warehouse.
The work program is good for that, but I think even random drug and substance abuse testing for shelter beds, would be a superb idea, or segregation based on sobriety shelters with “zero-tolerance Policies” and concept to random testing, on a lottery system based on prior history, criminal history, and maybe even check for warrants.
You are giving someone a warm bed, a hot meal for FREE why not ask for something in return? Or if you want more services and comfort why not consent to testing, why allow individuals who abuse san Francisco overly liberal policies to abuse the system, at tax paper expense, individuals who want help who are sober, and clean, individuals who work, individuals who are doing the right thing.
The system as of now, allows no-accountability for actions, it allows individuals to abuse the system to reinforce their negative actions and behaviors, at the expense to public safety, health, crime, public nuisance, and promotes partition, drug use, robbery, auto theft, breaking & entering, property crime. While supporting others form bottoming out at the expected of Tax Payers to the City & County of San Francisco and you me, the guy who strugglers to feed his family, the young collage girl, the elderly sleep in the cold, trying to make ends meet and start over.
Global fuel, cost of living, expanse are increasing for the social
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Life and the progress in San Francisco
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Slept well last night, today working on a few projects for a client, also have therapy today and a few other errands, have a few doctors appointments also, and some research to perform for myself and a few clients.
Had another nightmare last night, I figured out why it’s around the third anniversary of Katrina, talked to DT recently about Louisiana Politics, Katrina, Harvey, and crime and geographical and economic change. Also discussed becoming older, wiser, and being alone. Moreover, hurt and sick.
The past few days the San Francisco Chronicle, The Street Sheet, SF Guardian, Sf weekly have had articles about un-accountability, extreme poverty and homeless and life in general and the seeder sides of areas like SOMA. Tenderloin, Castro, mission, western addition.
My paper work is safe lucky for me, having off site digital document storage, a file room and access to a co-op and other various arrangements, laundry is on the agenda, I also am washing a few things for a client as well as some dry cleaning.
The affirmation LDS GLBT conference for Mormons is coming up or former such in September on the city of angels, a good drive down the coast, as well as some job hunting, and the fact I might have a Transgender Man or a Queer female to go with and roommate at the conference hotel, or maybe get a motel on the outskirts of los Angeles, and split fuel expenses with the trip between us, in my 4 wheel drive tailgate.
I hope things start to go through soon, which they are in partial fashion, the conference could maybe wait till next year as well.
It mind boggles that such and so many GLBT folks , and average Jill and Joes could spread so much hate and tensions in Americas most labial city is so divided and open-minded and over intellectualized. I also feel as for my own political views, and personal reasons, jail or such could be an option, I hate this country, state and would not mind pleasing no congest to a bank robbery, but no weapon, no violence and a note, and spend the rest of my life in jail for Transgender equity, deny parole and repeat over and over. I would be willing to Scarface my life for what I believe, and who I am and for others. Not even attempting to get way, I would want deportation to some place willing, I would surrender peacefully.
That is insanity and crazy talk and would likely never become a reality.
I am a noble person, honest, grateful, outgoing, and stave for independence, I talked to DT yesterday on the phone about if I ever grew old, senile or ill and lost my impedance, I don’t ever want to be in a home and have someone take care of me, financial matters or other affairs.
I also know my narcissism, pain, and drama and inner bitch is not healthy, and nor is my vigalantisim and playing the fucking victim, I even need some accountability for my own actions, life and present cirmstances.
The meeting this morning was good, mike came in again, we had two throw two people, out the police were called, and I had a bad morning, and the nightmares around the anverssy of Katrina, my recovery work on the gulf coast. Lately the nightmares are horrid. I still remeber spending time in New Orleans Pre, Post, Katrina, reliant park, minute maid park and other locations in Space city. I remeber assisting in transport of ammunition to New Orleans for The New Orleans Police Department, working search and rescure in 2005/2006 in Houston a bit for a missing child during the holidays, and also becoming and joking the drunk paaty around that time from being an al-anon.
I called my good aquances ray hill (Houston v. Hill) head of the prison show on KPFT which is occaonaily broadcast in the bay area on KPFA, came to san Francisco Jan 6, 2008 with six months of soberity lived with a friend, than lost it all when they left, I have had hard times but I am sober, and attempting to rebuild my life.
I am greatful today on
1.) Being able to express my feelings, ask for help, respect others boundaries, and also draw the line at myself
2.) Being able to deal with others sickness in a positive affirming manner
3.) Being able to do what I need to do and not bitch about it and choose to surround myself around positive individuals.
I dislike bureaucracy, government and the way of system, but I know how to work through red tape, given my customer service, leadership, and ocd, and desire for protection and being an over-achiever.
I know I try too hard, I just have so much I want to do in life, and never want to grow old, I’ll be 30 soon, but don’t look it, yada.
Anyway duty calls.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Slept well last night, today working on a few projects for a client, also have therapy today and a few other errands, have a few doctors appointments also, and some research to perform for myself and a few clients.
Had another nightmare last night, I figured out why it’s around the third anniversary of Katrina, talked to DT recently about Louisiana Politics, Katrina, Harvey, and crime and geographical and economic change. Also discussed becoming older, wiser, and being alone. Moreover, hurt and sick.
The past few days the San Francisco Chronicle, The Street Sheet, SF Guardian, Sf weekly have had articles about un-accountability, extreme poverty and homeless and life in general and the seeder sides of areas like SOMA. Tenderloin, Castro, mission, western addition.
My paper work is safe lucky for me, having off site digital document storage, a file room and access to a co-op and other various arrangements, laundry is on the agenda, I also am washing a few things for a client as well as some dry cleaning.
The affirmation LDS GLBT conference for Mormons is coming up or former such in September on the city of angels, a good drive down the coast, as well as some job hunting, and the fact I might have a Transgender Man or a Queer female to go with and roommate at the conference hotel, or maybe get a motel on the outskirts of los Angeles, and split fuel expenses with the trip between us, in my 4 wheel drive tailgate.
I hope things start to go through soon, which they are in partial fashion, the conference could maybe wait till next year as well.
It mind boggles that such and so many GLBT folks , and average Jill and Joes could spread so much hate and tensions in Americas most labial city is so divided and open-minded and over intellectualized. I also feel as for my own political views, and personal reasons, jail or such could be an option, I hate this country, state and would not mind pleasing no congest to a bank robbery, but no weapon, no violence and a note, and spend the rest of my life in jail for Transgender equity, deny parole and repeat over and over. I would be willing to Scarface my life for what I believe, and who I am and for others. Not even attempting to get way, I would want deportation to some place willing, I would surrender peacefully.
That is insanity and crazy talk and would likely never become a reality.
I am a noble person, honest, grateful, outgoing, and stave for independence, I talked to DT yesterday on the phone about if I ever grew old, senile or ill and lost my impedance, I don’t ever want to be in a home and have someone take care of me, financial matters or other affairs.
I also know my narcissism, pain, and drama and inner bitch is not healthy, and nor is my vigalantisim and playing the fucking victim, I even need some accountability for my own actions, life and present cirmstances.
The meeting this morning was good, mike came in again, we had two throw two people, out the police were called, and I had a bad morning, and the nightmares around the anverssy of Katrina, my recovery work on the gulf coast. Lately the nightmares are horrid. I still remeber spending time in New Orleans Pre, Post, Katrina, reliant park, minute maid park and other locations in Space city. I remeber assisting in transport of ammunition to New Orleans for The New Orleans Police Department, working search and rescure in 2005/2006 in Houston a bit for a missing child during the holidays, and also becoming and joking the drunk paaty around that time from being an al-anon.
I called my good aquances ray hill (Houston v. Hill) head of the prison show on KPFT which is occaonaily broadcast in the bay area on KPFA, came to san Francisco Jan 6, 2008 with six months of soberity lived with a friend, than lost it all when they left, I have had hard times but I am sober, and attempting to rebuild my life.
I am greatful today on
1.) Being able to express my feelings, ask for help, respect others boundaries, and also draw the line at myself
2.) Being able to deal with others sickness in a positive affirming manner
3.) Being able to do what I need to do and not bitch about it and choose to surround myself around positive individuals.
I dislike bureaucracy, government and the way of system, but I know how to work through red tape, given my customer service, leadership, and ocd, and desire for protection and being an over-achiever.
I know I try too hard, I just have so much I want to do in life, and never want to grow old, I’ll be 30 soon, but don’t look it, yada.
Anyway duty calls.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
My change in name and gender went relative well, I also made some monetary amends and called a few folks to make amends and deal with other issues for the matters, I on Sunday celebrated q year sober.
My HRT and meds came back very positive and affirming, my hormones are a bit back into adjustment, I have a Dr. Appointment in the east bay in the next week.
I have the SS-5 form for the social security office, I need to go to my bank, finance company, DMV, alameda county recorder’s office. And much much more in the next few weeks, but not go so much to turn burnout and insanity, I also have a DL328 as well for my gender marker for my drivers licenses, and also have a driver’s test.
I found a new insurance company and need to seek replacement documents for some insurance matters in importing my truck into California. The Texas truck moves on trucking out of the lone star state.
I confided in my doctor and will do so to my therapist in a few matters, which I had not disclosed out of fear of rejection but honestly is the key to the pursuit of happiness. I admit defeat and am willing to be honest, just more selective and secretive and evasive in who, what and where I suggest.
I also for a few other matters am torn between some good auto Insurance quotes I have gotten for my 4x4 Tailgate. These matters take time and as a late Capricorn borderlineing or aquarious. I am progressing but being careful not to burn out again, and maintain discipline
I am over my romantic loss, and hurt. Never say never again, and discursion. Is necessary per say. I have individuals make passes at me on occasion but reject in the favor of faith, and future enlighten. I have therapy tomorrow and a few other things today
Gratitude list
1.) Grateful for being able to admit being helpless in My drinking, OCD and getting on the crazy train without the help of fellowship, hard work, and determination
2.) Grateful for life, and court and starting a new one
3.) Grateful for understanding that I need to change myself, and make myself more of an asset rather than a liability.
Today thins to do
1.) Post Office
2.) Drop Documents off at storage
3.) Go walking/ rest and relax
4.) Drink lots of water
5.) Work on papers for clients
6.) Mail Letters and documents
7.) Print Forms at Library for conference in Los Angeles
8.) Print Documents for my pickup truck regarding Texas, Louisiana and California DMV, country tax office, and DPS
9.) Print Drivers diocese documents
10.) Print forms for Finance company, bank and other options with name change and fill out and mail proof of documentation
11.) Send finical amends to creditors and debtors.
gaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
My change in name and gender went relative well, I also made some monetary amends and called a few folks to make amends and deal with other issues for the matters, I on Sunday celebrated q year sober.
My HRT and meds came back very positive and affirming, my hormones are a bit back into adjustment, I have a Dr. Appointment in the east bay in the next week.
I have the SS-5 form for the social security office, I need to go to my bank, finance company, DMV, alameda county recorder’s office. And much much more in the next few weeks, but not go so much to turn burnout and insanity, I also have a DL328 as well for my gender marker for my drivers licenses, and also have a driver’s test.
I found a new insurance company and need to seek replacement documents for some insurance matters in importing my truck into California. The Texas truck moves on trucking out of the lone star state.
I confided in my doctor and will do so to my therapist in a few matters, which I had not disclosed out of fear of rejection but honestly is the key to the pursuit of happiness. I admit defeat and am willing to be honest, just more selective and secretive and evasive in who, what and where I suggest.
I also for a few other matters am torn between some good auto Insurance quotes I have gotten for my 4x4 Tailgate. These matters take time and as a late Capricorn borderlineing or aquarious. I am progressing but being careful not to burn out again, and maintain discipline
I am over my romantic loss, and hurt. Never say never again, and discursion. Is necessary per say. I have individuals make passes at me on occasion but reject in the favor of faith, and future enlighten. I have therapy tomorrow and a few other things today
Gratitude list
1.) Grateful for being able to admit being helpless in My drinking, OCD and getting on the crazy train without the help of fellowship, hard work, and determination
2.) Grateful for life, and court and starting a new one
3.) Grateful for understanding that I need to change myself, and make myself more of an asset rather than a liability.
Today thins to do
1.) Post Office
2.) Drop Documents off at storage
3.) Go walking/ rest and relax
4.) Drink lots of water
5.) Work on papers for clients
6.) Mail Letters and documents
7.) Print Forms at Library for conference in Los Angeles
8.) Print Documents for my pickup truck regarding Texas, Louisiana and California DMV, country tax office, and DPS
9.) Print Drivers diocese documents
10.) Print forms for Finance company, bank and other options with name change and fill out and mail proof of documentation
11.) Send finical amends to creditors and debtors.
gaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Friday, July 11, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
The reality of myself and further enlightenment and eye-opening experiences for myself. This morning was glorious and peaceful for myself.
I met with my wonderful sponsor yesterday, I am planning on a meeting later today, I made arrangements for tonight, and plan to go to the support group in the east bay. I also need to make other arrangements and I push myself hard for what is Necessary for myself.
I also am working on my essay on Trans-Phobia and Discrimnation and hate in San Francisco and beyond. A look at decimation and people’s fears of the unknown.
I also as of late am afraid, this Sunday I have 1 year sober, and what a year it has been, I met with my sponsor yesterday. I also this week went to the electro cist in the East Bay, and had more work done, my face is breaking out, in the next few weeks I will go back for more, work.
Furthermore, I am lucky to have started young, in my transition; I also am going to get back to walking more, and eating healthier more in moderation for soul and myself.
I hurt and told my sponsor my pain of what I did to individuals in the GLBTQ community in Houston, Texas ; New Orleans, LA and other places of shame.
I hurt for myself, I hurt knowing what I did and hurt bleeding in my heart, I have some trouble letting, go this week I have been lynched a few times, sometimes just doing basic things such as grooming and bothering.
Ill shares some of my expirees at 6 months in San Francisco.
1.) In January 2008 was mugged with a knife in the filmore district, and told I can be mugged or assaulted and abused my San Francisco Police when I called for service, I was handcuffed and searched, and told they had 4 units looking for the suspect. I was integrated about drug use, protection, and warrants. (which I had none)
2.) April 2008I was mugged on the MUNI Metro and told I was problem prostituting myself on the train, and no report and the law was not enforced again
3.) May 2008 I have been lynched in a communal shower by other women with Hateful GLBT slurs, had a photo taken of me with a camria phone
4.) May 2008 - I have been verbally abused and harassed by other women when sleeping
5.) June 2008- I have had a 22-caliber handgun pulled on me, out of hate and intimidation.
6.) June 2008- I was punched in the face (In clear view of a police officer) On The MUNI / Bart Station for no appernt reason and called slurs and laughed at when I was ok.
7.) I have had a Transit cop refer to me using trans-phobic and hate speech when requesting proof of payment, refuse to take a report for the mentioned
8.) I was groped while wating for food, and laughed at
9.)
Those are just small examples of whets gone on but I stay sober, it’s not easy but not every fight is worth fighting and winning for, it’s not what it’s about, I miss Texas and Houston dearly, I don’t like what occurs the drinking and drug use that is tolerated in the city of San Francisco, it’s wrong.
I looked at a few places in Oakland, and Berkeley. I however need time to finish things out in the city and work on some of my PTSD and depression issues.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
The reality of myself and further enlightenment and eye-opening experiences for myself. This morning was glorious and peaceful for myself.
I met with my wonderful sponsor yesterday, I am planning on a meeting later today, I made arrangements for tonight, and plan to go to the support group in the east bay. I also need to make other arrangements and I push myself hard for what is Necessary for myself.
I also am working on my essay on Trans-Phobia and Discrimnation and hate in San Francisco and beyond. A look at decimation and people’s fears of the unknown.
I also as of late am afraid, this Sunday I have 1 year sober, and what a year it has been, I met with my sponsor yesterday. I also this week went to the electro cist in the East Bay, and had more work done, my face is breaking out, in the next few weeks I will go back for more, work.
Furthermore, I am lucky to have started young, in my transition; I also am going to get back to walking more, and eating healthier more in moderation for soul and myself.
I hurt and told my sponsor my pain of what I did to individuals in the GLBTQ community in Houston, Texas ; New Orleans, LA and other places of shame.
I hurt for myself, I hurt knowing what I did and hurt bleeding in my heart, I have some trouble letting, go this week I have been lynched a few times, sometimes just doing basic things such as grooming and bothering.
Ill shares some of my expirees at 6 months in San Francisco.
1.) In January 2008 was mugged with a knife in the filmore district, and told I can be mugged or assaulted and abused my San Francisco Police when I called for service, I was handcuffed and searched, and told they had 4 units looking for the suspect. I was integrated about drug use, protection, and warrants. (which I had none)
2.) April 2008I was mugged on the MUNI Metro and told I was problem prostituting myself on the train, and no report and the law was not enforced again
3.) May 2008 I have been lynched in a communal shower by other women with Hateful GLBT slurs, had a photo taken of me with a camria phone
4.) May 2008 - I have been verbally abused and harassed by other women when sleeping
5.) June 2008- I have had a 22-caliber handgun pulled on me, out of hate and intimidation.
6.) June 2008- I was punched in the face (In clear view of a police officer) On The MUNI / Bart Station for no appernt reason and called slurs and laughed at when I was ok.
7.) I have had a Transit cop refer to me using trans-phobic and hate speech when requesting proof of payment, refuse to take a report for the mentioned
8.) I was groped while wating for food, and laughed at
9.)
Those are just small examples of whets gone on but I stay sober, it’s not easy but not every fight is worth fighting and winning for, it’s not what it’s about, I miss Texas and Houston dearly, I don’t like what occurs the drinking and drug use that is tolerated in the city of San Francisco, it’s wrong.
I looked at a few places in Oakland, and Berkeley. I however need time to finish things out in the city and work on some of my PTSD and depression issues.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Monday, March 24, 2008
Modeling, work, collage and life in the california dream of reality
location- san Francisco, ca
music: Led Zeppelin – Living loving Maid
The truth of who I am is what and where I went, and my chapter to my own gnosticism, I have renewed faith in my own personal jesus and enlightenment, I figured out why I was so bitchy the past few weeks, the HRT and the mood swings and the fact I was not eating as well as I should have been.
I had a busy week, and pushed myself to hard, to reach enlightenment and inner peace, with my inner child and enlightenment for myself and inner child. I have some gratitude this morning, I am grateful to be clean & sober, to have had my spiritual awakening and to talk to my therapist, friends, and mentors and family about my sins against other transgenders and dark past in Houston. I also doing more.
Personal San Francisco, is not for the faint of heart, its a cut throat, overpriced city and its wrong and bad, I hurt badly knowing I must do what I must do to reach enlightenment and inner peace with my inner child, and my interpersonal skills and enlightenment for my soul, and inner child.
Today I have to go to the doctors office, bank, financial company, legal , and some apartments, and meet a friend for coffee later, I also want more for myself, and to archive more for that, I also know more, for myself, I miss a lot of my friends and what I once had, most folks in this city donut have any self-respect, or smarts they sit around and bitch and complain all day and do nothing, It humbles me, someone asked me how do you put up with your friend and shelter bunk neighborer from hell, no one wants it.
I deal with it being humble, caring and compassionate. I know how to do it, I am smart, sexy and like independence, for myself, and enlightenment for my soul. I reach what I have went to fast and didn't polka any balance for myself and soul, I know what and who I am, and how to get there, on day at a time, one meeting at a time, I make a difference in my life, I also have to take care of a few other things also currently as well, I have more for enlightenment.
I also know of myself, my change in life, who I am I spent most of my life depressed, nu-happy and general at odds with myself, I suffered but didn't know much about gender issues or myself till I was older, HJM caused some repression in that he could be very arrogant for ourself and what I am as an Individual and person , I also know more for myself and what I want for myself and enlightenment for my soul, and what and who I am as an individual for myself and my life. Working in substance abuse counsellings or nursing or working with homeless, drug addicts maybe even as a social worker is not out of the question, but my heart is in activism, and lobbyist and journalism, and IT, new media web media and wiring and the arts fascinates me.
Maybe its in my blood, for myself, I know more for myself and who I am as a person, I have utterly high standards, relationships, and things are on the backbunrer, with the economy in shambles, the best time to go back to school is now. I am greatfil to be sober in my enlightenment for myself and who I am as an individual. I look forward to my flight, and trip before school, I might do e-classes and on my drive back attend the burring man fest, I have no need to enter Texas, and given my feuds with CW its best if I back down, I all was wanted to got through the mountains and other factors and its my plan for myself and true self and enlightenment, I moved on with a chapter to my own gnosticism and faith and higher power.
I have 4 months roughly until my flight and enlightenment so I should do it, I might stay in NOLA with my folks for a few weeks, even do some shopping before going back home to san Francisco, and get extra meds for my trip. I might bypass bruting man for my trip, and just drive back over lake Tahoe which should not be frozen over with global warming, and hopefully oil and fuel prices and the economy will turn around.
I also will be hypocritical of green driving my gas guzzling 4x4 tailgate, but will be a redneck woman, (joke) But I move on into enlightenment, peace and my higher power and myself, for my soul and faith. I know more of myself and know who I am as an individual for myself and where I want to go as a person.
Needing more for myself, and reaching more in my soul, I go into progress not perfection for inner peace into my soul, and find more peace, into myself I find more about who I am as an individual and person. Which I move forward into inner-peace and enlightenment for my soul.
I also know more of my soul, and peace for myself. I know who I am as a person and reach enlightenment and keep alone given like the lone star state, I stand alone into enlightenment and inner peace for my soul. I have some plans and have looked and considered moving to gesture island or down to ingleside close to collage with 10 other roommates ina house and have prospects.
Treasure island doesn't have much for enlightment, no gas station or much stores but is a easy commute, and the risk of destruction and sinking in an earthquake is very surreal, given it was built as a military base with fill, Ingleside is convenient but would be burdened with no meetings in the area, or have to drive to daily city and pureeing a 75 dollar a year parking permit unless the place had a driveway. But could walk to school.
I also have more for myself and soul of what I must do, I might go to the womens group this morning but have other priority's at the present. I hurt knowing I spent my life working and being someone I am not, I honestly was depressed, I am a neat freak, somethings don't die, you can take the country away from the girl, but you cant take the courtly out of the girls heart.
Personally I am utterly disappointed even as lib rial as I am, I think all these fucked up loaded, wasted folks, in shelters, sros, or on the streets need to get hustled, California needs to crack down on crime, and drugs. I am pro incasrian, and commitment, and for sobriety, you cant detox, or plea someone out who doest want to change. I wanted to change, I cleaned up the old fashioned way, at home in bed, with the shakes and jitter s and went to a meeting a day and didn't drink inbwteen them. I kept enlightenment I don't think there is any other way than THE old-fashioned way like bill Wilson did.
I think that folks who cant change don't want to change, it creeps me out not having a huge paper like the Houston chronicle the san Francisco chronicle is much well different, I love reading about other papers occasionally also. Its s small city where even if you work in social work, or treatment or activism you know everyone even folks in aa, aa is small and everyone knows everyone or someone slightly. Being miss Aaand the gossip and drama queen I am, I don't gossip and burn bridges or back stab friends or abuse friendships or cross over ethical, moral, and culture boudnries.
However I like power, money, control, and invariance and being from an AL-anon to an AA and a binge, bar, club drinker. And being lectured on the dangers of the AA, I am greatfil for the spsirtual near death experance I had when I got my ass kicked and tazered, I am glad and sad and rsentful; for my deailings with HACS, chirstan williams, lilly reilly, phillis fry and the houston police depaarmtent various secruty and guard compaanys and other factors.
I was wrong for my dealings with myself and felllow indidvidual, and the enlightment for myself and who I want, for I am and where I want to go, I know for myself , and look forward to fireing up my pickup truck maybe Ill go back to doing a paper route, or as a messenger even in oakland or bekeyel before school, or maybe downtown san francisco, you get a good workout, and I like working hard, and running and fitness, Im after all a soft stud and dont mind getting dirty, and rough but im cute sexy and not a man hater, I love being a woman and reahcing enlightment, I love myself and being pretty but dont mind butching it out or being rough or getting dity, even thouigh I am stuck a bit and I know more of myself and where I want to go for myself and enlightment for my achivements of my soul and richs.
Enlightment for some of what I did, and where I went into my life, I made progress not prefection and reached enlightment, for myself and life. Maybe even medical transposrt with a CPNC and passeneger endocrement CDL might not be so bad, given my prior backround in trucking and transportation, retail and warehousng and recveing, I dont want that, I want somethintg quit and predictable, and have higher standards, and dont get mixed up, I also while I like some of my friends and aquances, I miss brandi to some degree even though she freaked me a out and WHAT I expected, I hope she calls me, I was sick again and ate well this moring, but I am still sober, and she really is a good person, and Ill pass it down, I havent found anyone with potentional, or have to work on myself, maybe its why I want nurseing and progress not prefection and enlightment for my soul and inner child, and have gained control of my bitch switch is off and keep my inner bitch under conroil and keep her on a leash.
I also know more of myself and inner child and peace for myself and enlightment for my soul and pride progress and not prefection., I reach inner peace for my soul and life and enlightment for my soul. I know what I am and where I want to go in life, reaching progress not prefection.
I also like to eat healthy, am a neat freak, am chartibel, but put myself first, I belive ina god of my understanding and reach enlightment for my soul and life, I know more for myself and where I want to go in life. In want the house in the city or become a subrubainte, a pareter kids, big dog, or maybe a 5th wheel, f350 or truck camper and boat and land in montana or whyoming and telecommucte as a full time rv er and also have a pad at a rv resort up north in the hills.
I want adventure, and action, I love whyoming, and montana given its close proxmamity to montanta, I love th cool cold, I love big dieself trucks, 4x4m the snow and ice, and IT is a rewarding prefession, I love indpecdance, freedom, and ciil libeiretys and its liberiating for myself and enlightment and breaking free of the cycle.,of self-hate, self-denidal, and reaching my trueself. And who I am as a indivudial , and who I am as a person and as a person into enlighment, for who I am as a person, as a indidvudla for myself and raching such I rwach more
I also know more, for what I am going to do for myself and enlightment for maybe and whgat I am as a person and indivudla for enlightment in my inner chid, I know more my soul reachs progress and not prefection. I am risking my health with my present suituion, but I reamin clean sober and postive outlook on life, delaing with my issues, hate crime, abuse and self-hate, self-iminage and insecuritys, and distance from my family, I go home briefly in a few moths potentionaly and I must further admit defeat and ask for help, and I shall tommrow (tueday) afternoon seeking management and other resouces for myself, so it works well, and right,
I am going to admit being powerless and keep in touch, It hurts me seeing all the transgenders, women and other folks messed up feeling sorry for themselves on drugs, drinking or reltsionhips, if you are down on your luck then last thing you need is co-depenacy. Geeze so fucking idiots in these shelters, I dont get mixed up in the drmma, and am a strong woman, tough as nails and cute, smart and that scares some folks.
But I know what I want out of life, and who I am, It also hurts me seeing trans-youth, I have a resentment I pointed someone in the right direction and while wrong in my chapter to my own gnosticism and enlightment, I cant hold your hand, you have to do what you do. Which is why I am pro clenaing up this city, lock their assn up texas, style keep the serves, maybe they will humble, or go to prriosn, folks need to held accoutnbale for their actions this far-left socislist lirbal buill shit, even as an indedpedance who is a movre of a libertain, and green and moderate indpednat swing foter who useuly votes democart form a few years ago, I was 350 lbs a right wing nut job, and relgious freak bible thumper and unhappy with my life. I have beocme close to jesus and god as my own higher power, religious has not progressed much and learned more abut myself with enlightment for my soul and inner child and what I need to do for myself and where I need to go
I know who and what I am as an Indvidual, and who I am and where I want to go today and in Life and for that and the road and adventure ahead into further enlightment, zen and soberity I find inner peace, and thats something to be truly greatful for!
I also in april or may have a modeling, photoshoot gig for a genderqueer, transgender photo shoot (not porn) Ill see what I like it and I get free clothes and makeup and a copy of the poltforilia and lunch, so its not a bad deal, I also get to start collage and things, and network with those in jorunialm and media, my area of intersts and actvism, and keeping my self mentaly and physcial displained something lately Ive been overachiveing, and a bti bitchy and moody, anyway I also need to be more careful what I blog and post and share about, progress not prefection one day at a time.
I also might go back to working as a messenger, caterer or pizza driver again, while in school, or do delivery work or deliver news papers, I have much to archive maybe even grocery receiving, safe way is glbt and as a subsidiary or rand alls / tom thumb has Trans inv;lcvie polices plus in calfironia and sfo they have protections not to mention trans-phobia doesn't exsiti its more closeted andx behind your back and well less existing, and for the most part, I donut do things to upset it, and remain calm honest, and loyal, I need a meeting today and have one I plan to attend today that is my agenda this afternoon, after I make some banking matters and other issues, I have much to do for my program in addition to picking up somethings, Saturday I also went through 3 months more worth of junk mail, bills, and magazines and activism stuff and research that built up.
I also am remaining calm, good and well focused I talked to sonny today.
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
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