Kick Start my Faith and own personal jesus, and grattuide of life of 27 years young

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Slept good last night had a very hot shower this morning went to bed around 5pm, woke up at 3am, very recharged and refreshed today. Went walking this morning, burned some fat, going to take care of something difficult in the next few days.
Glad to still be sober, Ill post more about my experience it further involves the San Francisco Police commission, perhaps Ill even get to meet infamous Teresa sparks( again I met her a few years ago before she was president of the commission at pride), whom I admire and have followed her carrier for a long time.

Yet part of me is missing, I find it difficult for gratitude. I find it difficult to readjust to a normal civilian life, but its easier. I don’t want the drama of my past.

Just thinking of some of the famous individuals, I have met and shook hands with I’ve lived a respectable life so far the past 3-4 years of my life have been fast paced, with its ups and downs, drama, fear, horror, good choices and bad mistakes and poor judgment.

Interesting observations & current projects
Sometimes when Out and about, people out me as a transsexual woman, or a shim. Or whatever. Ill be posting my Bay Area shit list of trans-phobia individuals, businesses and other groups, or public service wall of shame. That’s sure to be some pride and un-censorship the database I am working on for my personal project. And its bound to piss a few people off, which doesn’t bother me, fuck yeah bring it on.

In the other factor I

1.) Bill white Mayor of Houston and former Entergy secretary under Bill Clinton
2.) Mayor Ray Nagin Mayor Of New Orleans
3.) Phyllis Frye famous transsexual atty. And lobbyist.
4.) Monica Lewinsky who gave bill Clinton one of the most famous blow jobs, I met her at a book signing
5.) Ray Hill famous for his bust of the dog food scandal, and the supreme court ruling (Houston v. Hill) which abolished “interfering with police procedure” which was often used to harass media, protesters, etc.
6.) Sgt Julia Oliver HPD who works in 911 emergency operations center in Houston emergency management Famous Transsexual Police Sgt
7.) Teresa Sparks President of the San Francisco Police commission famous transsexual police officer that does internal affairs
8.) President Bush (both of them) during storm recovery work
9.) Elder former president bush during Katrina recovery
10.) Former President Clinton doing during Katrina recovery
11.) Senator Clinton before she ran for president I met her during recovery operations
12.) Chelas Clinton in San Francisco once doing service work, I shook her hand
13.) Massena Davis director of the San Francisco Transgender Law center
14.) Lawrence as in (Lawrence-v-Texas) whom outlawed anti-some laws and gay sex or danced in Harris County Texas by the Untied States Supreme Court when George W Bush was running for office.
15.) Gavin Newsom Mayor of San Francisco 2 years ago I shook his hand in city hall when visiting San Francisco as a tourist
16.) Tom Delay former crook and mixed up in the Enron scandal in the court House in Houston
17.) Ken Lay former coo of Enron in the courthouse in Houston
18.) Andria Yates once in the Jail when I worked as a vendor & contractor inside
19.) Clarian Harris Once when In the Harris County Jail when I worked as a contractor and vendor inside
20.) Various seniors, and elected officials council members and others in the Texas political scene when I used to go to democratic and republican fundraisers when I drank, I can’t think of them all, in better times, and also heavy drinking and when I used to make border runs foolishly as a coyote, and a firearms smuggler and even sometimes worked for elected officials in dirty political deeds ( I sometimes solved problems, or ruined a few people) views which I retain anonminity about my shady contacts. I got out that line of work and retired.


Yet despite not being anyone noteworthy, but likening money, power, influence and drama, and meeting people and being kind with my southern hospitality. I am still unhappy, I feel part of me in not there or I don’t have what I want out of life, I make it, and I will survive but I feel I am in need of better, and want more and won’t give up hope, pride, power and determination.

I find I don’t want to drama, adrenaline rush even though nothing is more sexually erotic than high speed, drama, running and having fear I prefer not to have it, I choose not to.



The list for today
1.) San Francisco Police Commission
2.) Mail check and send documents to Houston & New Orleans & San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley
3.) Make doctor’s Appointment
4.) Write Letter and apply for jobs
5.) Rest, eat well lots of water, meditation and AA meeting




Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I have a plan in life
2.) Grateful that I know what I want out of life
3.) Grateful to be twenty-seven years young
4.) Grateful to be sober
5.) Grateful to have been able to be out and started my path young


--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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4/27/08

The reality of what I need, is clear. I progress. Yesterday I was able to kick my bitch swtich on in a controled manner, and discuss the issues that were upseting me, I am spening most of the present in lonely solitude, I have some personal matters I need to work out.

I am composeing more for my soul. I know more for my self. I also have some homework for threpy this week on the adgenda, I have more to talk about. I have some resentments to work through. I went to many meetings this week.

I also discussed with friends the truth, I know more about my soul and innser self. Ive been pondering some matters as well. I spoke with other folks more recently about myself, I am determeand more than ever to rebuild my life here, remain here.

I spend time alone due to needing to work out some issues, I have a crush or two as well. But I have utterly high standards. I also have the collage thing to work out, the lost documents, a police report, and a few AA realted manners, it stinks to be called into service, but I like it, love it.

I talked to DLG, PMG, AND other factors, today. I took care of some fincial matters, I had to compose more. For myself. I also see a person who scares me in meeting as much I did others in 2005-early 2006 and onward. My resentments were bad mostly myself, But I am such a selfish bitch I dont want to admit my fault, I ran away sober, doing my geogrpahicl understaning the jounry, hardships I face now build me a good foundation for my contunied soberity, growing and prospering.

I posed a bit on various forums, I occasionly visit everything from Transgender equity, to GLBT rights, to my 4x4 tailgate, and other fourms with network and system admin. I worked more on my SQL, and PHP Database(s) and also updated more code, googles failure is fixed, and also worked more on my Upcoming San Francisoc Transgender Community and Resources, Maybe CW and I are not that much unalike, however discussing with my theprist, i associate my abuse, hate crime, and sexual assult with her, and I lashed out at her.

I have chosen to make arangements for my truck, I also met a few new folks today, but as of late just as my mother was most of her life, and as am I, a hermit, rarely comeing out of her shell, to often I am misunderstood.

I also have to go to the collage this week, and also look at a few places, my finical health has gone downa bit lately, I also took steps to begin repairing my credit, and repay debits, I did some job hunting my resocues and option I have is stil open, I have some closure, I lost my name and gender change documents, recently on MUNI hopefuly they will be rightfuly restored, the prospect of further idenity theft is unsettleing.

I ate ok, today, yesterday I had a yummy salad, and smoothie, I am enjoying the wide range of fruits avialbale in san francisco, and the deverity. I also have been sleeping a bit better. I have some palces I am going to look at in Ingleside, and Tresure Island as well as one or two in Oakland.

My my mother and others are doing, more about myself. And what I need to do for mysoul. I know more for what I need for myself and interpersonal enlightment for my soul. I love more myself, listen more and talk less, and observe the insanity of life, the world and work my program.

I also have an apointment with a socil worker this week for the depression and other issues I am faceing at the womens colnic. I have a makeup and hair apointment and consult, as well as an electro consult, and I have the collage, and also have an apointment with my doc about my HRT, and levaels and further letters and documents for me. I just am burned out and utterly pissed that my papers were left due to being so tired, but I had some really good food friday. I am less of a bitch and my bitch is under wraps.

I love life and enlightment.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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9 months and 1 day at time ( I kept coming back) It does work if you work it!

4/14/08

The relity of my chapter and meeting discovery, I am a fruad, all of my life from age 5 when I knew about my Gender issues, and sexuallity I knew more about myself, and what i had to discover for my soul and enlightment and peace for myself.

I learned more about my iinterpersonal life, and skills. I have been a lier, cheater and its in my blood my mother had AA tendancys, my father is in AA 21+ years, My mom left my dad due to his drinking. My mothers OCD and resentments for my soul and enlightment for inner peace and spirtuallity

My grandmother and uncle and inaoity have tendancys. I hurt and hurt, and hurt and bleed from the haert, I wonder why me god, I also dont want to get fucked up. LR is correct in me not takeing my trip cross country and dirivng back, this is home even if I dont have home or ever feel at home.

I am so much like my mother, one of the photos I have of her, I also look a lot like her young pretty, but quiet and relaxed. I hurt and hurt, and bleed and bleed. My parents and enlightment for my soul and inner peace hurt badly, I know what I must do even if I didnt do it.

Oddcly enough I got missed and mamed a bit more, I also was told by someone else”dont you wish the city and police would do something with the homeless people” what I ask, you cant do much, the vast majority are chonicle drunks and dug addictis and nut jobs who dont want help or are relapseing.

Its not I think I am better its I think being a transgender lesbin and woman, I need more enlightment I am not better I just dont think I should center my life around being transgender, I want some degree of steleth. I talked to DLG about transpostrintg my truck to phonix, LAX or other points of intrests.

This morning upon awaking I noticed a ford f-150 with Texas Truck plates that has a harris county tax sticker. I also met someone here thats not sober that I used to drink with in various places Chances, Slick Willies, Fitzgerlads, Numbers, Rudyards, The Posion gir, the jet lounge, the engine room, 1415 california all in Houston.

I grew up and got sick and tired of the same old bullshit and insanity with my higher power and own personal ejsus christ, I look very young professional today, I hope to get this job at the department stores down town, maybe long term get to travel again, They are the disctrict office and cover California, Oregaon., Washington state, Texas, New Mexico, Arazona. I have high hopes, dreaps and faith in a higher power.

I also know I need to shut up more, and listen and yo ureach enlightment, I have a cursh as of late, I dont know what it is with irsh girls, russian girls, and euro girls, and also haspanic women. Blah, I have many chruchs but I am not read for such things

The homeless guy who pushed me down the esclatro and ran off in UN plaza, who harasses me, stalks me at various coffee shops aorund church, castro, mission and has groped me on MUNI and BART that was throughn out of our lady of safeway morming meeting who gangs up with he 2 friends, I am not going to be intimited.

I also have more and more for my soul, and enligitenment and inner peacer and spiruality, the faithful fools was ewnjoyable more recently. I also resisited temptation and shed tears of inssanity, anger, resentment ,a d lonelyness and resentment to self, based on actions in my dealings with indidualvisl, support groups, the GLBT community and expeccailly the Houston Transgender community.

I hurt and hurt and am sick and tired, I am still 27 years young, and in good health, some of my health issues are I am blemica and anroxnic at times, I have to force myself to eat sometimes, I cryed so hard yesterday. I also blled tears of lonelyness, resentment, pain and suffering.

I have not been geitng enough joy and lesaure, the skin peeling on my face worrys be dearly, they ruled out HIV again <>

I also enclose more about my enlightment for my self, and know more who I am as an indvivudal, and peace. I am very at peace with my soul, and inner womanhood.; Luanna is right the trip is a bad Idea, I need some r&r and rest a movie might be in order today.

I admit I am scared shitless, I would rather die, than drink or go back to my insaity, I wonder about meds and being straight-edge vegan lifestyle. I wonder if a psyc dr pescribes it is it wrong, If i need it to live a normal productive life, they are tyring to adjust things and get me help. I do ok with my PTSD with good biofeedback and medation.\

I had a discharge from my chest a bit today, and my back hurts, my body hurts, its burr cold, and the interview and work might be well rewarded. I also know an SRO, residance hotel, or otjher things despie being down on my luck, the economy being hard, I ams till somewhat more conseroitve given my upbringing.

Furthermore, I miss the Church of Jesus Christ, of Latter Day Saints. I miss the feelwship, I made an attempt to contact the bishiop and more, I keep reacing further rnlightment for my soul and innner peace.

Myself, I had good nights sleep and rested well last night, I am awake I ate some (gasp) junk food today and meat, given when I was a young 20s club girl, I got addicted to jack in the box tacos, and well yum for 99 cents and a diet coke thats entertainment and creams my yummy button.

The relaity of my interpersonal development and innet personal peace for my self, and what I need to further development of the interpersonal reality and self- awakeing foi myself anmd enlightment for my life and what I need to develop for my self and enlightment.

The further chapter to my own conseritve views, and indpeance and lack of comfot both physcall and mental and my enlightment for my soul, and enteratin ment for myselof and inner peace.

I had the degenratioin of society and what, i need for myself, the disgusting idots who reak of booze, and can not keep up with my intlect, I am to prety and smart to settle for less, or I would rather die alone.

Given the uncertainity of mylife, and fuiture, and the constant struggle with depression, PTSD (post trumatic stress disroder) and Sucide. I hurt, I hurt knwoing what I had a friend, a job, and a futre flushed down the toilet. I dont know whats wrong, or how to stop, I just know how to get rhough today, one day at a time.

I want more for myself, and enlightment for my inner peace and work for myself, I updated the web server a bit today, and plan to rest after the interview and life and future for myslef, I get sidetracked.

I am scared, lonely, tired, unry andf sick and a stubborn suck up barbie, and Lowered the bottom to humble myself and remember the past, look though today, and work hard for a proud, productive, sucessful rebirth;

I am scared of life and lviing, and being alive , but also am greaftul for my soberity, life, fuutre, beauty and brains.

The other factor of myself and working toward a brighter and better future is well, life and life it self, is good for the most part, it just takes time, one day at time. I keep coming back.

I am me, leemcg and need fun, rest and also some work and play, maybe I should reward myself, and stick things out I was in two fedrial disaster countys and zip codes, I have other things the womens shelter, friends and other things work well, I stick it out for better or worse, keeping faithful for a future or possible future, I want it all or nothing, i want life and enlightment for myself, and what i need for me.

I am ashamed of my past, my friends and familys trans-phobia. I hrut and suffered for years, I tried to be someone I wasnt I dont know anymore, I hagve to rebrith and also in recovery of my drinking problem, I have 9 months and 1 day sober, and thtas something to be fucking proud of myself, pat myself on the back, kick off my shoes and relax, be good for me for once.\

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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Progress not prefction, one day at a time,

4/4/08

The understanding and enjoyment of my meeting this morning, and considering dropping my current sponsor, for someone who possibly by the grace of a higher power of my understanding as I understand her. I found enloightment, I also bitched out some fuck face, that drops around for coffee, and the bums, who are drunk and smelly and don't have nay respect, pissed me the fuck off, I don't have any respect for people who lie about their soberity.

Maybe I am a cold, hearted, kind, mean, judgmental, selfish bitch, and proud of it. Maybe I am too good for some folks, who the fuck knows maybe I just need to bitch my heart out so I can turn off the bitch switch

I felt better today after the meeting on my inner spirt, I also reached enlightenment for my heart, mind body and soul, I further my development and inner peace for my spirt of my life. I talked to my wonderful therapist, no call from macy's, and other things to follow up for, I also set something up but cant remember or ead my writing in my panner, I've been a nervous wreck the past few weeks.

I also reached further enlightenment of my spirt of my soul, heart mind and body for myself, I know more what I wish I knew long ago. I concubine to be healthy, eat well, work out and do what I must do to remain focused and mentally, physically and emotionally disciplined for my heart, mind body and soul

I also know more of myself and interpersonal skills and life and love itself. I know more of who I am and how I am going to get there, and for that I am truly grateful, I am greatfil for what I do have in my love and keep focused and let go of the past, and put my new life, in progress not perfection with honesty, loyalty, compassion and love and not being overly a bitch, or self-destruivte, and staying sober, I celebrate 9 months in about a week, my sobriety date is Friday July 13, 2007 where I went from an al-anon as a club, bar, binge drinker in dec 2005- jan 2006 and sobered up In Houston, texas.

God bless, Texas but I love San Francisco, i think when I was born I left my heart out here.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

-

Monday, March 31, 2008

I know why I hurt so bad, I hurt because all of my life I have pretned to be someone I wasnt, I bought my happyness, I gave up in depression, and I resent what I threw away, so many folks and people are in jail, prison or hosptials or instutions due to drinking, and drugs or worse, and self-destrucive qactions they fuck around with someone until it gets the worst of them down and down they go, rice round like a record baby.

I spoke to a friend of Bill Wilsons whom convicned me, and my current person who is guideing me wants me to go to a meeting a day write down what I learned or sturck me, more recently for employers, I was ready to jump off the building just as such, I had enough and wanted help, I currently have the pleasure of being of service, of someone whom there is a attraction, but I learn to respect bounderies, and draw the line, I want her to get it, or reach out and get help. I hope she went to a meeting this moring today, I hope other things work out well, and good enough, My back hurts today, this moring was burr cold. I awoke at 2 am, was out the bed a 3 showered till 4 and got dressed and did my hygine and face. My back really hurts, I also am looking at housing and other factors more so.

I got sober enough and had my spirtual awakeing when I was in Houston when I paid my debit to society, of my drinking was a problem, but I thought I wasnt an drunk enough, the realy is the crackhead and junkie on skid row in san francisco, and I have one thing in common, I want insity and reciver and my life had not hit that far of a bottem (yet) and I have something they dont an awakeing, soberity and a program and life again.

I understood somewhat I could for my program no longer reside in houston, when school, and if the interview goes well tommroow, I might come home early or late ndue to working retail xmass is very busy. And drive back, I dont plan to stay or visit housotn and if I do, I am going to be there berifly to access my sotrage unit and get out, I hurt to bad and need to work with my current wonderful therpsit whom has been workjing with transgenders seince 1978 and is very nice, and has much expereance with this, whom I shared the pain and fucked up resentment I have toward christan williams, phyllis frye, and lilly roddy. I hurt day and day out for my past transgressions. But I must hide the pain and move on, san francisco rocks, its expeceive as fuck, but the politcla climite comparetd to southeren GLBT “affirming citys: is far and byound while comforting it scares the shit out of me bheing so open and not what I am used to.

The nightmares, have gone away for the most part, the dreams of being raped, abused, and pounched has been bad and byound and I reached my level of spirtuality, I also quit the prozac, per my docotrs request it had me fucked up, when I go to the ear docotr to see about my health issues, I might learn more and the doc thinks it might be a ear or sinus infection in the inneer ear, I ate some meat recently and had some salty popcorn, my blood pressure, and sugar and health is returning a bit more to n9ormal, or is anything nornmal anymore

I talked to the folks, did laundry this mroing, lunch is on the menu before my interview later this week, I am well rested and my back hurts. My health is improveing, and dinner is also on the adgenda as well it appers also. It also amazes me the amount of trans-women and trans-men who are in soc8ity ehre and the more accepting women and womens groups and resocures, my own transphobia is disowneing it-self. I also have witnessed some disgusting trans-women whom I resent, more recently I was commented on at a womens group, that I am so pretty and lady like in acting and expression and allways chee3rful, that I give away the steor type, about transexuals, and transgenres this comes from a professional that works with women and the GLBT community a s a whole, but back to the moral of the story, I saw one who bitches and complains and does drugs and drinks (sometimes) get up and pee like a man in the morning, Ive even had some women be unaware I am trans, or such.

Not that I am trying to fool anyone, I allways was a woman form the date I was born in Jan 1981, I was just born with a womans brain and male parts. I which I had more nlightment and udnerstanding, maybe taling about the pain and my own transphobia helps me as a soul. I am feeling better and looking forward to going and getting them tiger, with love Lee.

I plan to tank up on veggy soup today as well on my path to enlightment and self empowerment for my heart, mind body and soul. I reach truth, one day ata time I keep coming back I know it works.

-
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, March 30, 2008

The turth of my life, is what I need to do for enlightment and my inner child and bitch I must keep under lock and key and enlightment, for my soul and life and who I am as a woman. I feel my father poteryed me, and resent him and my mother as well. I called and did some step work but I need some time alone right now to sort things out.

I have a job interview this week downtown in un plaza, at the infomous torust strap shopping centers, I also have an apointment next week at the collage and other factors that are upbringing as well, as uplifting. I also have to make a drs apointment to find out why I am dizzy., church is on the adgenda this morning, I ranv into my friend in the program whom there is a mututial attarction ebttween her and I, but she went back out, she was still wastered as usual during a relapse, I do want to work with her, more for my soul, and reach enlightment for my inner child, and discover more about myself and keep my inner, bitch under control and maintain a inner balance for my inner child.

I also have some laundry to do tommroow, as well as work out some logisitcs and rest today, after all it is the sabith day or sorts. I talked to RAP some yesterday, I also went running down to the marina district from market street in about an hour and back, I got a good workout, My back is hurting, and but fitness is importint to my soberity,. I went to a ealry moring meeting this morning at 1^st place, I also reached further elightment.

I was hit on again this morning more, and reached more enlightmnet for my soul and inner child, for my inner peace for my soul and reaching enlightment for my soul and discovered more about my self, and inner child.

The truth is the enlightment I felt for my life and reached my inner child for my soul and inner peace, keeping my anger, desire, and resentment at bay and maintaing metanl, physcuial, emotional and balance and disipline. I am greatful to be here, but I know I am just in light with the dunk and fallen souls who perrished and continue to drink, and abuse and use on the streets and skid row of san francisco.

I came here for a fresh start, high hopes and roughing it for enlightment and inner peace where no one would be so overjudmental, my hurt and pain, simualr to chirstans awakeing, and my resenement toward her, yesterday at the early morning meating at “our lady of safeway” we red one of my favorituv chapters in the big book “for employers” it makes me feel well understood in my heart, mind, body and soul.

This morning I witnessed a disgusting unlady like transgender, use the ladys room like a man, that makes it harder for true transexuals, intersexed, and transgenders to make it, maybe I am just being to true to myself a real bitch. But at least as long as I keep my bitchness under wraps, disipline, and control I can keep my own personal jesus in order to reach enlightment, for my soul and inner child. I know more what I know now, the Bitch must stop.

Myself, personally I discovered more about my soul, and inner bitch more and more, as I reach enlightmnet for my soul. I dsicover more about myself, and innder child and woman within.

I need to lsiten, more talk less, ponder, pray and be more alantical and speek when the moment is right, and shut up otherwise. I get it intlectually, but have trouble applying, it as sheryal crow would say I change would do you good, which in this matter is correct.

I have some parts of my site I need to rework, I also have another blog I am developing that is for my road trips and adventures, in my pick em' up truck. And a few other factors. I hurt, and hurt so bad, and dream of not hurting anymore, I want more and more to reach enlighment, and my inner child. I dont know anymore, except that I want life, I want to choose life, I want something more or I think I do anyway, I am tried and sick and tired of hurting again and again.

Folks are wrong, and mean and rude, I also hurt more and more for my soul, and reached enlighment for my inner child I want more about my soul in to something I dont understand, I miss my friends, I feel so alone and icolated, But I have fellowship in the meetings, Most folks I found dont have any hope, I try to keep my hopes up for enlightment, I run on, day to day.

I also want more for my soul, and reahing, maybe I dont allways work my program as well as I should or allow myself to, I need to push myself more to reach enlightment for my soul, and inner child. I want to let go more, and more, as billy idol would say I want more, more more, with a rebel yell. I hurt more and more.

Maybe I just want to say, I get it , sort of one day at a time, lviing in the moment, being powerless over other people, places, and things and most defentaly drinking, and remering hungry angry, tired, lonely. I admit I am afraid scared shitless, that I will wind up as garbage on the cesspool of skid row of san francscio, thats why I go to meetings daily, to keep from getting the Fuck Its. I am tried and sick and fucking tired of drinking, not drinking and hurting more and more. I had to make a great deal of scracfice to make sure I get it, its the adult thing to do.

I took responcibilly and acountablity forn my actions, maybe I obtained some co-depedancy as of late, I need to get my ashe in 3^rd gear and overdive and superchage myself to success, some friends, aqwqunces dug me out ot the rut of a shithole. But I know the truth of my life and enlightment.

The truth is I know what and who I am as an indivdual for my soul, and inner peace. I had a spirtual experacne meeting my friend again, IO hope she stays sober and clean and stays on the path to enlightment and find innder peace as I have.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Modeling, work, collage and life in the california dream of reality

Monday, March 24, 2008

location- san Francisco, ca

music: Led Zeppelin – Living loving Maid

The truth of who I am is what and where I went, and my chapter to my own gnosticism, I have renewed faith in my own personal jesus and enlightenment, I figured out why I was so bitchy the past few weeks, the HRT and the mood swings and the fact I was not eating as well as I should have been.

I had a busy week, and pushed myself to hard, to reach enlightenment and inner peace, with my inner child and enlightenment for myself and inner child. I have some gratitude this morning, I am grateful to be clean & sober, to have had my spiritual awakening and to talk to my therapist, friends, and mentors and family about my sins against other transgenders and dark past in Houston. I also doing more.

Personal San Francisco, is not for the faint of heart, its a cut throat, overpriced city and its wrong and bad, I hurt badly knowing I must do what I must do to reach enlightenment and inner peace with my inner child, and my interpersonal skills and enlightenment for my soul, and inner child.

Today I have to go to the doctors office, bank, financial company, legal , and some apartments, and meet a friend for coffee later, I also want more for myself, and to archive more for that, I also know more, for myself, I miss a lot of my friends and what I once had, most folks in this city donut have any self-respect, or smarts they sit around and bitch and complain all day and do nothing, It humbles me, someone asked me how do you put up with your friend and shelter bunk neighborer from hell, no one wants it.

I deal with it being humble, caring and compassionate. I know how to do it, I am smart, sexy and like independence, for myself, and enlightenment for my soul. I reach what I have went to fast and didn't polka any balance for myself and soul, I know what and who I am, and how to get there, on day at a time, one meeting at a time, I make a difference in my life, I also have to take care of a few other things also currently as well, I have more for enlightenment.

I also know of myself, my change in life, who I am I spent most of my life depressed, nu-happy and general at odds with myself, I suffered but didn't know much about gender issues or myself till I was older, HJM caused some repression in that he could be very arrogant for ourself and what I am as an Individual and person , I also know more for myself and what I want for myself and enlightenment for my soul, and what and who I am as an individual for myself and my life. Working in substance abuse counsellings or nursing or working with homeless, drug addicts maybe even as a social worker is not out of the question, but my heart is in activism, and lobbyist and journalism, and IT, new media web media and wiring and the arts fascinates me.

Maybe its in my blood, for myself, I know more for myself and who I am as a person, I have utterly high standards, relationships, and things are on the backbunrer, with the economy in shambles, the best time to go back to school is now. I am greatfil to be sober in my enlightenment for myself and who I am as an individual. I look forward to my flight, and trip before school, I might do e-classes and on my drive back attend the burring man fest, I have no need to enter Texas, and given my feuds with CW its best if I back down, I all was wanted to got through the mountains and other factors and its my plan for myself and true self and enlightenment, I moved on with a chapter to my own gnosticism and faith and higher power.

I have 4 months roughly until my flight and enlightenment so I should do it, I might stay in NOLA with my folks for a few weeks, even do some shopping before going back home to san Francisco, and get extra meds for my trip. I might bypass bruting man for my trip, and just drive back over lake Tahoe which should not be frozen over with global warming, and hopefully oil and fuel prices and the economy will turn around.

I also will be hypocritical of green driving my gas guzzling 4x4 tailgate, but will be a redneck woman, (joke) But I move on into enlightenment, peace and my higher power and myself, for my soul and faith. I know more of myself and know who I am as an individual for myself and where I want to go as a person.

Needing more for myself, and reaching more in my soul, I go into progress not perfection for inner peace into my soul, and find more peace, into myself I find more about who I am as an individual and person. Which I move forward into inner-peace and enlightenment for my soul.

I also know more of my soul, and peace for myself. I know who I am as a person and reach enlightenment and keep alone given like the lone star state, I stand alone into enlightenment and inner peace for my soul. I have some plans and have looked and considered moving to gesture island or down to ingleside close to collage with 10 other roommates ina house and have prospects.

Treasure island doesn't have much for enlightment, no gas station or much stores but is a easy commute, and the risk of destruction and sinking in an earthquake is very surreal, given it was built as a military base with fill, Ingleside is convenient but would be burdened with no meetings in the area, or have to drive to daily city and pureeing a 75 dollar a year parking permit unless the place had a driveway. But could walk to school.

I also have more for myself and soul of what I must do, I might go to the womens group this morning but have other priority's at the present. I hurt knowing I spent my life working and being someone I am not, I honestly was depressed, I am a neat freak, somethings don't die, you can take the country away from the girl, but you cant take the courtly out of the girls heart.

Personally I am utterly disappointed even as lib rial as I am, I think all these fucked up loaded, wasted folks, in shelters, sros, or on the streets need to get hustled, California needs to crack down on crime, and drugs. I am pro incasrian, and commitment, and for sobriety, you cant detox, or plea someone out who doest want to change. I wanted to change, I cleaned up the old fashioned way, at home in bed, with the shakes and jitter s and went to a meeting a day and didn't drink inbwteen them. I kept enlightenment I don't think there is any other way than THE old-fashioned way like bill Wilson did.

I think that folks who cant change don't want to change, it creeps me out not having a huge paper like the Houston chronicle the san Francisco chronicle is much well different, I love reading about other papers occasionally also. Its s small city where even if you work in social work, or treatment or activism you know everyone even folks in aa, aa is small and everyone knows everyone or someone slightly. Being miss Aaand the gossip and drama queen I am, I don't gossip and burn bridges or back stab friends or abuse friendships or cross over ethical, moral, and culture boudnries.

However I like power, money, control, and invariance and being from an AL-anon to an AA and a binge, bar, club drinker. And being lectured on the dangers of the AA, I am greatfil for the spsirtual near death experance I had when I got my ass kicked and tazered, I am glad and sad and rsentful; for my deailings with HACS, chirstan williams, lilly reilly, phillis fry and the houston police depaarmtent various secruty and guard compaanys and other factors.

I was wrong for my dealings with myself and felllow indidvidual, and the enlightment for myself and who I want, for I am and where I want to go, I know for myself , and look forward to fireing up my pickup truck maybe Ill go back to doing a paper route, or as a messenger even in oakland or bekeyel before school, or maybe downtown san francisco, you get a good workout, and I like working hard, and running and fitness, Im after all a soft stud and dont mind getting dirty, and rough but im cute sexy and not a man hater, I love being a woman and reahcing enlightment, I love myself and being pretty but dont mind butching it out or being rough or getting dity, even thouigh I am stuck a bit and I know more of myself and where I want to go for myself and enlightment for my achivements of my soul and richs.

Enlightment for some of what I did, and where I went into my life, I made progress not prefection and reached enlightment, for myself and life. Maybe even medical transposrt with a CPNC and passeneger endocrement CDL might not be so bad, given my prior backround in trucking and transportation, retail and warehousng and recveing, I dont want that, I want somethintg quit and predictable, and have higher standards, and dont get mixed up, I also while I like some of my friends and aquances, I miss brandi to some degree even though she freaked me a out and WHAT I expected, I hope she calls me, I was sick again and ate well this moring, but I am still sober, and she really is a good person, and Ill pass it down, I havent found anyone with potentional, or have to work on myself, maybe its why I want nurseing and progress not prefection and enlightment for my soul and inner child, and have gained control of my bitch switch is off and keep my inner bitch under conroil and keep her on a leash.

I also know more of myself and inner child and peace for myself and enlightment for my soul and pride progress and not prefection., I reach inner peace for my soul and life and enlightment for my soul. I know what I am and where I want to go in life, reaching progress not prefection.

I also like to eat healthy, am a neat freak, am chartibel, but put myself first, I belive ina god of my understanding and reach enlightment for my soul and life, I know more for myself and where I want to go in life. In want the house in the city or become a subrubainte, a pareter kids, big dog, or maybe a 5^th wheel, f350 or truck camper and boat and land in montana or whyoming and telecommucte as a full time rv er and also have a pad at a rv resort up north in the hills.

I want adventure, and action, I love whyoming, and montana given its close proxmamity to montanta, I love th cool cold, I love big dieself trucks, 4x4m the snow and ice, and IT is a rewarding prefession, I love indpecdance, freedom, and ciil libeiretys and its liberiating for myself and enlightment and breaking free of the cycle.,of self-hate, self-denidal, and reaching my trueself. And who I am as a indivudial , and who I am as a person and as a person into enlighment, for who I am as a person, as a indidvudla for myself and raching such I rwach more

I also know more, for what I am going to do for myself and enlightment for maybe and whgat I am as a person and indivudla for enlightment in my inner chid, I know more my soul reachs progress and not prefection. I am risking my health with my present suituion, but I reamin clean sober and postive outlook on life, delaing with my issues, hate crime, abuse and self-hate, self-iminage and insecuritys, and distance from my family, I go home briefly in a few moths potentionaly and I must further admit defeat and ask for help, and I shall tommrow (tueday) afternoon seeking management and other resouces for myself, so it works well, and right,

I am going to admit being powerless and keep in touch, It hurts me seeing all the transgenders, women and other folks messed up feeling sorry for themselves on drugs, drinking or reltsionhips, if you are down on your luck then last thing you need is co-depenacy. Geeze so fucking idiots in these shelters, I dont get mixed up in the drmma, and am a strong woman, tough as nails and cute, smart and that scares some folks.

But I know what I want out of life, and who I am, It also hurts me seeing trans-youth, I have a resentment I pointed someone in the right direction and while wrong in my chapter to my own gnosticism and enlightment, I cant hold your hand, you have to do what you do. Which is why I am pro clenaing up this city, lock their assn up texas, style keep the serves, maybe they will humble, or go to prriosn, folks need to held accoutnbale for their actions this far-left socislist lirbal buill shit, even as an indedpedance who is a movre of a libertain, and green and moderate indpednat swing foter who useuly votes democart form a few years ago, I was 350 lbs a right wing nut job, and relgious freak bible thumper and unhappy with my life. I have beocme close to jesus and god as my own higher power, religious has not progressed much and learned more abut myself with enlightment for my soul and inner child and what I need to do for myself and where I need to go

I know who and what I am as an Indvidual, and who I am and where I want to go today and in Life and for that and the road and adventure ahead into further enlightment, zen and soberity I find inner peace, and thats something to be truly greatful for!

I also in april or may have a modeling, photoshoot gig for a genderqueer, transgender photo shoot (not porn) Ill see what I like it and I get free clothes and makeup and a copy of the poltforilia and lunch, so its not a bad deal, I also get to start collage and things, and network with those in jorunialm and media, my area of intersts and actvism, and keeping my self mentaly and physcial displained something lately Ive been overachiveing, and a bti bitchy and moody, anyway I also need to be more careful what I blog and post and share about, progress not prefection one day at a time.

I also might go back to working as a messenger, caterer or pizza driver again, while in school, or do delivery work or deliver news papers, I have much to archive maybe even grocery receiving, safe way is glbt and as a subsidiary or rand alls / tom thumb has Trans inv;lcvie polices plus in calfironia and sfo they have protections not to mention trans-phobia doesn't exsiti its more closeted andx behind your back and well less existing, and for the most part, I donut do things to upset it, and remain calm honest, and loyal, I need a meeting today and have one I plan to attend today that is my agenda this afternoon, after I make some banking matters and other issues, I have much to do for my program in addition to picking up somethings, Saturday I also went through 3 months more worth of junk mail, bills, and magazines and activism stuff and research that built up.

I also am remaining calm, good and well focused I talked to sonny today.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Photo of me this morning

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The truth Is I do more, with myself and my life. I have a dream of inner most peace, I am greatful for what I did have life, sobriety, and renewed faith. I also am glad for being here, and alive. I miss my folks, I hope things come through this week. I am close to finical enlightenment, going back to school, at the young age of 27, I look really pretty, and am passing and blending in more.

I ran into a trans-man friend recently who is in the program and has little less than 2 months, maybe I wil sponsor him. I understand what its like to struggle with yourself. And suffer. I hope he gets it. I think gina masten is still in jail, I might go visit when I go to Houston, but prob bely not.

I dreamed more recently of life, and enlightenment more. I also slept good and ok, and have been taking good care of myself, and I want life and love, I fear being alone all of my life, I fear loosening what I could have.

I cant resent the past, Texas, Houston. Ive also noticed my emotions have been a little off the wall as of late, and across the board, its odd and obscure on how I feel and who I am as an Individual,.

Myself personally, its not all about me, and give me, but give back. I also had the enlightening vision of a future and life re-born again in faith, and my own personal jesus Christ as a I understand her.

I also have the enlightenment and a Bill of life, into my peace, love and higher power and own personal jesu christ, and had the enlightment of my faith and higher power. I know finace and fait, progress not prefection and life of who and what I am.

I know being in my present cirmstances scares me, greatly and dearly, into my own personal, jesus. I also know my faith, and higher power of myself and life. I miss my family, and friends, I miss having meaning but know this path is the step to rebuilding my life, I think so anyway. It hurts so much, and so good, bring the pain on within, myself.

I also know my family, church family and past hurts. My therapist conn clues and fulfills, my life I know who and what enlightenment, brings into myself and faith of my higher power I need my personal jesus Christ for who I am, and know what I do is progressive though slowly I make progress down the circle of life, into the path to the future. Ive been walking more as of late, and know its the correct path for my life and faith and higher power.

Ive been getting mamed more and more and miss. I also know my dad will always be my dad, and I have the resentment

I am loved, by myself, sometimes I get lonely, I hurt to share parts of my life, pain and suffering with otters, but I am attractive sometimes, I feal sexy today and beautiful more and more. I know who and what I am for myself, and love myself moreover. I am myself and own personal jesus chrrist

I also have not been sleeping as much as I should but I am taking good care of myself, I bought some new foundation this week, and tried out some new power and blush. I also did my hair again it looks pretty. I also have some things to pick up, I need new shoes, its amazing how fast you go through shoes, these got dirty sort of the canvas ballet flats, I should have picked a different color maybe I can clean the canvas.

I also have a few things I need to do, and for myself and life I don't know what, I might stay where I am given its closer to downtown atm. I also miss my folks, I further worked on a 1^st step and composing the letter to MLS and DLG

I also have to do some name and maker change, I'm going to get a noterised letter for the TSA when flying given I am terriefed of government officals, and law enfrocment mainly due to being abused by such, on occasion and sometimes I would intentionaly put myself in that suitution and matter.

I get hit on a lot not being like overly trashy I duno I have new wardrobe, I scarfaced a lot to achive where I AM and I am starting to reap the re-wards as such and the enlightment I have been given the gift of life.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

My Day so far, and the test of time and zen.

This morning I awoke early left at 5am, and was out and made arrangements before hand. I ate ok, I also took care of other business, while walking down the street talking to a friend I got hit very bad with seagull shit, and have massive shit hit me in the mouth at sunrise, on my sweater, jacket disguising. I cleaned up and got it out of my hair as well and washed my mother out with saltwater and threw up.

I got my post office box, did some student loan paper work, and other parts, wrote some HTML, and php and pearl and ascriptive for my site, and server. I also did some work for someone doing web submissions and search engine ranking, and suggested some changes to their meta tags that has a small business site, but its sort of lacking in skills.

I went back to eating once day, and doing the veg and going closer toward vegan. I have been taking much better care of myself, I also saw my g/f this morning and we kissed, well we like each other a lot and are close but keep our relationship very well secret. And I draw the boudoirs of sobriety. Shes bi-sexual I dunno, younger than I, doesn't quite have what I have but is over 21. but still younger than 27 but insecure also as well and in other areas well is well sort of. I dunno I should not be dating in severity.

And due to conflicts of interests we need to keep our relationship secret for my reason and hers, its odd and obscure and something we hide, due to conflicts of interests in both of us, but she has a lot of drama, and I donut let it get me down, sort of like Bosnia and I.

Have a doctors appointment later, other commitments, and made my service commitment yesterday and also have some more aggressive job hunting the bad storm systems are coming in today. My holiday yesterday was quasi productive kind of.

I went to a meeting today and have a meeting planned for later and laundry over the weekend.

I also have something to say, “all My exes live in Texas, thats why I hung my hat in San Francisco. I fly on the southwest pain to New Orleans and fire up my pickup truck and let two hundred and seventy five horse power flow, down the highway, and I love this bar in Houston, but I pass it by and keep going to meetings. And reach enlightenment, and every day is Halloween and out in san francisco I am a redneck woman.”

I have a doctors appointment, group later this week for outpoint substance abuse, and to get my hormone levels checked, and a few shots, and go to a trans gender support meeting as well. I have plans and get ready for life again. I also dreamed a bit and the nightmares have stopped, the antidepressants I filled over the weekend, have me perky and happy and in love with myself and the world. And have been helping with the flashbacks. Its a very low dose around 10mg, and its working.

I might call MM today to see if she received the request for records

PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, February 17, 2008

The reality of life is not what you do, but what you don't do and who you are and true to yourself. The discovery of my own flaws, and defects and crimes against myself and humanity and having more compassion and allowing myself to higher standards not biblical but not thinking I am better than you or the next person, but desiring better and progress

The chapter to my own personal discovery and chapter to my gnostic and personal spirituality, individuality, overcoming my Trans-phobia, and allowing my inner child to grow without vokkia, beer, or wine or smokes is a desire in it self.

Meetings life to life, day to day, desire to progress, to change and positive optimism, and not draining like the vampire defect and personality I have but need to remove and change, the saying old habits die hard is true but the desire to change is change in self, mongering of your progress and achieving enlightenment zen, and life in it self beyond drinking, resentment, and relapse and insanity is a growth in it self.

Being progress but not refection and choosing the right, even when its hard, which I made, being a humble servant and the daughter of the goddess of my understanding, I proceed out of the deep dark tunnel that you know you have been down and where it leads, and choosing life, enlightenment, faith, chance and facing your fear.

I know I made the right choice, and what is done is done, and I am alive, and the weather is beautiful and progress is happening, I just must remain disciplined, faithful and choose life, and do the right thing, and remain focused and sober.

Laundry got done, took care of some other applications, post office is the plan on Tuesday, finance later, and church didn't happen maybe I need a meeting more and I must remain focused like the inner child, Capricorn border lining on Aquarius.

I will soon be able to fire up my pickup truck and let 298 HP ROAM WITH MY 4 WHEEL Drive tailgate into a garage I found a better deal and look often and not at plans when things come through which they are. I also have a new doctor to continue to prescribe my HRT and joined a outpatient treatment for folks who are sober, and thats good and catered toward my needs.

I found new more desirable housing in a womans shelter that is appealing, ran into a few friends, and some cute dyke's and soft studs hang out there. It hurts to see folks who gave up on hope, and life and fucked up trans genders. Oddly enough in a meeting yesterday we had to close the window due to pot mixed with crack blowing into a 12-step meeting and progress and enlightenment was archived slowly, only in San Francisco does that happen.

I also will get a meeting today, and found a closer borders to get my map of san Francisco, I also might go visit my friend again that lives out in piedmont but wont show up at MLS without calling. And have seen the Mormon temple in Oakland amongst other factors.

I compose this with hope, luck, and faith of a god, godless and my guardian angel of enlightenment, faith and a better life while in youth and progress, doing, not bitching, or suicide bull shit cry s for help, I live and have life, and feel alive, maybe I was uncertain, maybe it was the off levels of my hormones and other factors, but its happening, and I admit I am afraid, of relapse, death and being hurt or going back out at repeating prior transgressions, so I get my cute little vegan ass to a meeting every day, to practice progress, life, and the god of my understanding with other assholes, crackpots, fallen women, and drunks and those insane alike to keep coming back knowing it does work even if other don't.

And knowing my sponsor cares, and love me and I learned I have to put myself first, I have someone I like but she smokes, pot, bitches and has an abusive friend. And fell to the stupidity of san Francisco dark side, lucky for me I had a true friend whom I missed her call and hope she is Keeping up on my blog from the cab of her 2007 Freighter sleeper wherever her owner operate status keeps and and she doesn't jack-knife again.

I also love my family,f friends, friends of Bill W, people who cared, and acquaintance, those I need to make amends to, those who hurt me, and the power of forgiveness, faith and a better understanding of myself and the way the world really works both from San Francisco, to Oakland, To Berkeley, to New Orleans, to Harvey, Austin, Dallas, and the Lone Star Sate truck stops, the INTERNET, global and around the world and my loyal blog readers I wish others the best of luck and enlightenment.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)

life and progress, family, and enlightment 7 months sober later

02/15/08

Went to FEDEX today for the keys, documents and other issues, have a flight to catch in a few weeks and other affairs to take care of and fire up my pickup truck from NOLA- TO Houston and a chip meeting and my birthday at lambda center in July and than let 300 Horsepower to run into California.

I spoke to my sponsor today she is good and we worked on some things, our sponsor ship is still working I am getting better I think I was sick, a bitch and not taking care of myself during my cold and flu.

I also have some other affairs to take care of, I had a few applications for school and looking at apartments. My crush and I are going out, shes a bit younger than I, I dunno I donut want to be had and hurt and have my feelings hurt again. Anyway shes ok Blah. Shes younger than I 21. Geeze I wish I was 21 again I'm getting old.

Last night on the commuter train, I had some drunk guy hilting on, me and others and even some guys he was a swinger I guess for both teams, it was funny, I told him he could find me at queers crackpots and fallen women Mondays at the Alano club. Blah.

I also gave him meetings, I have sober guys and drunks hit on me. I talked to morris today, and got something for my depression and PTSD and flashbacks. I also have to fly and drive back and wish I had done other things first before leavening which I wish I did. But yada yada yada. I also have to refill some of my scripts also. And pack out and prepare to fire up my pickup truck and let 2800 miles of interstate highway most on I-10 west to san francisco.

I have a garage and other plans in store for life, I also have other factors and had a interview at a 24 hour Walgreen in Castro which is appealing and made networking at the job fair, I also am going to start San Francisco City Collage in the fall, and might take a late summer course in GLBT study s or womens study s.

I composed some code for my site, and launched the San Francisco Transgender Community on line co hosted and posted, eventually I want to launch something like Transhouston.com clone for san Francisco, I have some other content management systems I am experimenting with.

Yesterday an acquaintance of mine was in the paper she was a 51 year old trans gender woman who brought a firearm to her job in pacific at the san Francisco international airport, and they also found some illegal full auto AR-15 assault weapons and a ak-47 at her home. She brought a 45 to her job as a airport maintenance mechanic. Shes in jail without bond and also has a court case regarding a knife fight at a bar with a undercover police officer.

She creped me the fuck, out and I understand. It was in the San Francisco Examiner a few days ago, I met her in Jan 2008.\\

I'm in there sober 7 months yesterday, also I had my HRT checkup and had an appointment and got something for my depression and PTSD and panic yesterday I have to fill. A friend gave me some shoes, and I am doing well and taken care of. I ate a good breakfast this morning eggs, potatoes veg. And some coffee and milk.

I did some walking, and worked out and have been loosening weight and getting fit, I also am going to pickup some good Texas BBQ and a New Orleans Po boy before coming back to California and meet a friend in new Mexico for dinner. Whos neat and on a mailing list I belong to.

I took a photo or two yesterday

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Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)