Thursday, August 07, 2008

Feelings

I feel the Bay area is a fit in for tolerance of everyone, I feel I fit in per say more and more, and in some way less. The drug culture in California, the city of San Francisco, and the west coast tolerance or the old west.

I don’t like the drugs and drinking that occurs, I miss the massive 20-30 crowd which is gone, and left and very ramped in San Francisco for the east bay, I might even be relocating geographically to Berkley or Oakland. I don’t like what is tolerated in the city.


Self awareness

I struggle with my anger and resenemnt, my therpsit reffered me to talk to someone whom obcusurely enough I know thorught meetings, that works with people whom don’t drink anymore, but need a little extra help with their step work and resentments.

It’s a daily struggle not to turn into the bat-woman with resentment and burning of the heart and soul and my mind just burining with desires for my anger toward myself and resentments of past hurting and hate done to me.



My observation of what I need to achive and goals I have are

1.) I need to get my truck here it will expand my hosuing and employment options
2.) I need to finish with my civil matters I al more than 50% through it feels great!
3.) I need to save more, pay off debits, make routine and balance for my problems
4.) I also need to prepare more for going back to school
5.) I need to contunie to build my support and social and rescouce network and also amend some things as well even with making living ammends
The example and addiction of which we burn
Example today on the height bus I had an individual whom needed a bath many weeks ago, smeeled of booze, crack, pot and meth. The tolerance and acceptance of individuals whom myself could have much in common with, the pain. Today I had an individual try and prevolke me whom hurts, fear is the agony of pain of which drinking and other vices, lust and addictions burn.

The burning in the heart, mind body and soul in suffering, leads to vigilantisum, anger, and fear of reality and physical and mental clarity is a utter bitch


Feelings as of to whom I am

I feel I still don’t fit in or have connection maybe I self-destruct not to fit in per say, maybe I run to find peace, or agony. Maybe I am used to and always will be alone, maybe that scares me.

How to cope with resentments, insecurity s and others, Usually how I do this is through disowner ship and shoveling aside for myself, and allowing myself to grow and move on and out of resentment in my pain, mind body and heart for whom I am as an individual into interpersonal enlighten for myself and further self-growth.


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Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
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