Saturday, January 31, 2009
I saw an individual today whom is a Female to Male Transsexual whom I have much distaste for, This individual is very much masculine, with extremely large amounts of body hair and much bigger than I. This individual identifies as a gay man, who likes other men, yet persists in using women’s spaces and women’s places of refuge.

This Individual also has had his ass kicked by gay bear mean when they found out he was atomically female, this individual also has made me personally uncomfortable when I was in a state of undress, and came very close to getting his as kicked by me.

I have also made it clear to him, that If he ever was in a state of undress with me, again. He will get his as kicked, some could call me a hypocrite, given my gender identity, sexual orientation and other issues with “plumbing”

But There comes a point in every gender varrient indivdiaul weither male to female or female to male, where you have to learn to respect others, given some people even myself are not as open minded. Keeping in mind, I have been detained and arrested for using bathrooms and other issues at various points.


I’m not saying Trans-Phobia is right, I perhaps feel less threatened by him, but have made it clear if he Violates my space, I will protect myself with physical force, or pepper spray if necessary. Moreover, he needs to respect my space.

I’ve even heard he has been arrested and warned by SFPD and other agencies of the danger of what he is doing and how dangerous it is, to use women’s areas.

Low and behold the shit face, came in while I was having coffee this morning, doing homework for my sponsor.


In other news, I’ve made some commitments, to get some things finished and make some finical commitments. I have plans to achieve some goals before my Ten Year High School reunion, where I trip to New Orleans, or Houston and an Amtrak ride possibly and a drive back to San Francisco in my pick em up truck in 2010.

I have zero plans to remain in San Francisco before age 35 or at the latest is 40 I shall return to my Texas roots, But I’m only twenty eight now, I might even return to Dallas or Austin. Or maybe to Portland, or Seattle, or The Tri State area of New York City.


I dislike the bullshit of ultra far liberal san Francisco, I don’t like being crowed, the rural Montana, and Wyoming landscape appeals to me greatly, the cold, snow, and winter I loathe as equally happy in the Hot smoggy Houston summer.


Perhaps I am just rambling, but I like small towns, and want some degree of stealth, and anonymity the one thing I fucking hate about San Francisco is too many fucking trans-people, I fucking hate seeing pot, which has abslloutely no medical use what so ever, the crack heads in the tenderloin, the gangs, and the liberal sprit of anything goes.

I like the mountains because its much more open carry firearm laws, however things are changing. I like being rugged, and I’ve been told they have a small but open accepting lesbians move up to the mountains, I dream one day of going up north and being with rugged old timer lesbians.

I’ve learned to respect bio women’s, space, when I cross the line, and superb conflict resolution skills.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Friday, January 30, 2009

I Shared with my therapist yesterday and someone I looked up to when I was in my anger that lives in Houston. I lately find myself faceted with 1980s cyberpunk Post Nuclear Terrorism culture. I feel I am distained for something big, and even revolutionary.

Prehaps, My most disturbing feelings, are the feelings of not connecting with anyone, or anywhere, or not being understood.. I don’t feel as if I belong to anyone, or any place. A place of darkness, and pure hell.


But I have recovery, happiness, and some joy on brief occasion, and goals I am working toward very hard.


I don’t have much to compose as of late.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Lately fate has opend doors for me with an individual, when I had no role models, just pain, suffering and repression in my life and pure agony and hell. I have been corsponding with this individual to ease my suffering, and bring joy when there was none.

It feels good to vent, even alas if someone whom was aware of your misdeads, and even if they do work in a carrier field, you have a bit or pride, and predjucie toward.

I lately have been working on some carrier oriented goals. I suppose. I am trying to find myself.

I don’t have much to compose in this entry today, except that I am scared about something that has the potential to go wrong with my life. I also have a few appointments as well today and a lunch date, ive been reading my big book.


I have much to do today and very little time, and behind schedule so I will be brief.


--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, January 25, 2009
I corsponded with an Indivisual whom works in Law Enforcement which I linked up by chance via facebook. I also have a few tasks to perform, I have a few work related tasks to perform this week my electro appointment in the East Bay.

I added and did a few other things, and posted in some forums, I have items I need to pick up at the drug store as well today, and to finish reading a few chapters for homework in the 12x12 for my sponsor, imp half way through and will be finished this week.

I renewed some arrangements my tat tilt phone quit working on the ear peace, as well as the speak phone, I preformed a full reset to no avail and it also has syncing issues with my computer though I can syndic via Bluetooth, wireless lan and the internet, text, and I can call out and received calls but can’t hear them. I have to go to the at&t store and do a replacement lucky for me, it might be covered by warranty and as well as the insurance, it appears to be some sort of manufacturing defect or a lemon model.

I like being able to call via Skype, with it, and being able to edit word documents on BART and MUNI as well as AC Transit. I also can post to my blog and do other nifty things on the go. And the digital cam rocks.


I talked to a few individuals about things, and have to pickup crap at the drug store and run to PS this week and go to therpey as well, too much shit to do, to little time.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Saturday, January 24, 2009


I feel even more unhappy, dreary, dark and depressed in the rainy, foggy wet January in San Francisco. I feel lost, adrift and lost at sea. The interpersonal relatshionsips I developed are useless, I can’t let anyone know how just sick and tired I am.

I miss my grandmother very much, as well as my mother, the rejection of my father who in reality with his actions is nothing more than a sperm donor for my mother, Dan Filled that role, and even if he is a right wing nut job, He was a man and was there for me, and a much better person than my father was.

Day to day I dream of death and look forward toward my-self termination of my mind, body, and soul, perhaps I won’t make it into 2010 and twenty eight, I might not even make it to two years sober before my death or I might kill myself shortly thereafter.

In a way a act of suicide to myself would be an informed choice, and right choice, a way to move on from this life to end my suffering. I urn for Houston, I don’t like things I have seen in the bay area. I miss Texas very much so.

I miss southeast Louisiana, but I can’t show it and I have nothing to return to. I feel much as Dan white did when He killed himself in the garage in the shame and unhappiness when he finished his parole from the city of angels.

I only want my suffering to end, perhaps soon it will. I feel people look at my different for I was accused of doing something I did not do.


IN other news, I slept well last night, ate very well this morning read part of my 12x12 for my sponsor. I also did some banking, dropped off and pickup up inscriptions and called a few friends in the program.

Anyway I have a few errands to run this week and later this week. I found some items I thought I had lost but they were recovered much to my excitement, and joy.

I have shit to do later gators.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

1/21/09 various individuals whom I attended high school with I have more recently contacted have been supportive so far of my endvours and some also have called me brave and courageous much as my father did with societies stigmas toward transsexuals

Moreover, if president Obama passes a revised EDNA and changes armed forces regulations and passes hate crime revisions. I have given serious thought to law permitting and this is very optimistic being one of the first transwomen to enlist in the ARMY

That's overly optimistic of being a historical GI Jane wanna be but I would love to serve this country even during times of potential global and economic instibilly

I’m young enough I don't have any felonies and I am in prime physical condition and see a few years active duty as a good thing for me and potentially a reservist and maybe becoming a civil servant in san Francisco

More over the excitement of my joy fate tomorrow will bring me to Oakland as well as Berkeley for some necessary affairs I need to handle

Moreover I've thought and had some wonderful correspondence with some amazing individuals on a few transsexual support forums and listervs I belong to


I have an excursion to Oakland and Berkeley tomorrow via BART and ac transit.

I landed a modeling job for a well-respected local but internationally known GLBT business in promotional littuture

I met someone famous today and could be called a celebrity. In addition, I have been recently thinking of my finical goals desires and what I need to achieve for me

I wrote code recently for an individual that needed some amendments to his blog coding.

I dreamed last night of riding a motorcycle through Big Sur than back up north to eureka and the snow capped mountains and peaks and through Tahoe through the dead of winter.

I've become less angry of an individual and working on my rudeness, self centered selfish attention -whoring self

My father however while he may be a good reformed god or higher power dwelling man. I admit I may have misconceptions of him and he is a complete stranger to me, as far as I am concerned DLG filled that role more than dad ever will.

Moreover my truck is sitting in the garage at Spanish oaks. I dearly miss my truck the sacrifices I have made for enlighten and other things is surreal

I found a suburb restraint in the city of san Francisco that has excellent food and dining options of my favorite Louisiana PO-boys down to the most authentic homemade new Orleans style bread

Moreover, with my events I have to do today at my electro appointment, and a few other affairs to handle in Oakland and Berkley today. I also think sometimes and wonder what if a vs. b, and I just need to let go of the past, and move on.

I’ve been reading my big book and 12x12, I also managed to dig myself into a rut more recently, but think I made it out with a racist comment to someone’s transphobic comment. I crossed a line I don’t like to cross.

The point is, I feel partly that I could have prevented my present cirmstances, I could have heeded to others wisdom, but my whole damn life vie been selfish, self-centered and attention whoreish. I wonder if I will ever change, I know if I am pleasant, I can be a wonderful person to be around when I am not being very dominating. However, the reality is, maybe I like being miss loner, and I do not want to be miss popular, which I could very well become.

Anyway, I have addenda and got on a waiting list for a nice apartment, in a rougher area of town, but feel safe there. I also plan to possibly next year travel to the ten-year high school reunion to Louisiana and possibly visit Houston as well. I may even travel partly by Amtrak, with my computer good books and spend time reading and writing, vie always wanted to take a cross country train trip and maybe fly back from Houston or new Orleans via south west to Oakland, I hate to say it SFO sucks ass.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The thought of me having an internet addiction is a possibility, in addition, I feel lost, alone, and adrift. The thought of death is very surreal end to my suffering, but I know I don’t want that, I want libration and well freedom.

I’ve enjoyed the real world Brooklyn, with the Transgender Individual, The Not so Gay Metro sexual Mormon, and the Lesbian who became bisexual from san Francisco. It mildly amuses me.

Furthermore, I find more about myself and continue to grow and prosper as a true individual. I slept peaceful again last night, and have been well rested and remodel of the shower should be finished soon so, I’m looking forward to that. Furthermore, I grow and still continue to grow as a young woman.

I remember the terror I lived out on Hayes Road many eons ago In Houston Texas. I remember the suffering I suffered. I also chose to make a stand. If and when President Obama, makes good on his promise I will go to the San Francisco FBI Field office, I don’t like admitting this but I dislike our government and the way it has gone

The Whitehouse page of http://www.whitehouse.gov/agenda/civil_rights/
Has a lot of issues that amuse me, despite some of my more right wing views and being a civil libertarian I like a lot of things on this page. I’m proud that every president I voted for seince 2000 has won.


I have shit to do today, and not much time to blog and am working on some parts of my program that need some adjustment in my life.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Ive been thinking recently, about things, my blogging and the direction I want to go. I recently have enjoyed being able to post remotely via my Pocket PC and various applications. But More recently Ive thought of my future.

Today is a very original day , Im glad to be witness and proud of the President Obama. I also am working on a few things for myself. My very detailed personal post of my anger toward a few individuals that hurt me in Texas.

Some of the individual items I look Forward toward our new president achieving.

1.) Updating Outdated Power, Transportation and various curtail in structure.
2.) The economy
3.) Transgender EDNA act
4.) Federal GLBT Equality rights.

Moreover I have a few important tasks this week. Last night I attended Queers, Crackpots and Fallen women at the San Francisco Alano Club. The reality of step 9 set in, it was a good meeting despite sitting in the front row and nodding off.

I slept really sound last night, I didn’t realize how tired I was and how hard I push my everchangeing body. I am going to eat very healthy for lunch and skip dinner today. I spoke to my sponsor this morning at Orphen Andy’s for breakfast.

Late last night, I was feeling pretty depressed and I feel a lot better this morning. I have to go to my mailbox also this morning, and continue to progress as an individual as I progress on my spiritual path to innerpersonal enlightment.

Yesterday I was propsed to do a modeling job, while converseing with a professional photographer at Orphen Andy’s one of my coffee haunts, in addition to Sparky’s and The Church Street Café amongst other place.

I preformed a file backup today, added code to my site and backed up a few files. And have some appointments and also am going to be of service today.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Monday, January 19, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009 The discovery of my of my life and discovery of life. I continue to grow as a young woman I also has been thinking of where I want to be five, 10 YEARS down the road.

I know I am an amazing caring person who can be stubborn tough as nails and also very loving caring honest and loyal

The so weekly article was a bit biased toward right wing interests I also had a quite amusing visit with a less than likely place to find an transsexual friendly. doctor and had some mild amusement with some med students playing laboratory rats metaphorically speaking.

Speaking of which I spoke to a friend in Houston whom made a few calls its clear when and if I ever return some bridges I burned at present I will not be welcomed with open arms

Furthermore I have discovered and try to decide how to handle an individual in the san Francisco, whom I feel a foe of mine from Houston who is coming to san Francisco may have turned against me, I also feel portrayed by a few series of individuals whom christen Williams I was informed she had contact with

More over my time in frisco is possibly coming to an end due to my shame and also feeling to brush my hands free of sf until christen is surely gone ill have a loyal supporter of my causes inform me when it is safe to return

With my present operations and ventures it seems a trip might be in order something off the eyes of the TSA meaning low profile travel via road and charter

Given my high level of intelligence, I have. Had to decrease some contact with individual's who may inform christen Williams of my life I do not hate her or wish her any harm imp deeply ashamed of my actions

But I want to make amends but it’s obvious I’m unwelcome I shall further stay off her radar and even keep a lower profile and given I poses great knowledge about law enforcement and investigative and skiptraceing procudures.

I know how to blend I can con or scam my way in. Im good with people and networking and know how to blend in

If anything I hope I can ammend my prior transgressions

I had a shipment of goods come in ill deliver them later in the week to my slnbcvbuyer for my employer and make the dirty clean so to speak gradualy through capitalism of the underground economy that keeps the.underworld of the cesspool of san francisco afloat


Furthermore I continue to grow as an indidivual and have a few issues I need to confront before I walk right out the door


I've more recently understood my cause of depression. I hurt for my regrets shame and more importantly resentment toward various individuals such as myself , individuals in texas , louisiana , family, my father and others

Im going to tell my therpist today about how I feel and hurt the suffering of my soul

The reality is I feel empty or alone its that empty feeling that leaves me empty, alone and depressed.

Its not that I enjoy being alone its more of a interpersonal necessity, for surival of myself. The point is I need to develop the best innerpersonal discovery.

Point being life is what you make it, this week I have to achive a task of very detail oriented tasks.

The very detail oriented tasks for the upcoming two weeks are as following :

1.) achive finiance goals
2.) followup with good employment lead with supurb long term benefits
3.) therpist apointment
4.) send keys to DLG , and documents
5.) I
I




Even more disturbing is my continued agony, pain and suffering.

The further discovery of my life and power of becoming self-aware and responsible
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, January 18, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009

There are days when I ponder life. I have some finance issues haunting me, with my debtors, Uncle Sam and other folks. I added photos to my photo bucket of some good old fashioned rioting due to racial tensions in Oakland.

I personally believe that if president elect Obama is ever harmed, which I hope by the grace of god he is SAFE for the next four or eight years, as a patriot I love this country. I think there will be riots in a grand scale if he is harmed, similar to the Rodney king riots in many citys.

I also think the case against the BART Police officer is going to end in Manslaughter or acquittal despite the Murder charges, I think Murder will not stick in the matter. or something similar and there is going to be riots in San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, LA and other cities.

It is sad, but I don’t want to have to deal with that sort of violence, and this is more a polecat commentary. And an honest onion, I don’t want to have to be in a race war or riot and my excursions to the east bay for work, doctors appointment and sometimes personal I have to go though the war zone of downtown Oakland, 19th street, mcaurther, Fruitvale. Moreover, that bothers me.

I do not want to fight a battle, but if things come to that, each person has to protect their selves, and the sad part is the prejudice that exists. I know under duress individuals act irrationally, the idiots who are doing this are.

I preformed a few rounds of Urban Exploration with a few like minded individuals, and even soared to dangerous highgts but that’s what I find erotic of urban exploring, risk, danger, and also viewing history and sprawl.





I’m lately very unhappy and depressed and Miss my friends in Texas.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, January 18, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009

There are days when I ponder life. I have some finance issues haunting me, with my debtors, Uncle Sam and other folks. I added photos to my photo bucket of some good old fashioned rioting due to racial tensions in Oakland.

I personally believe that if president elect Obama is ever harmed, which I hope by the grace of god he is SAFE for the next four or eight years, as a patriot I love this country. I think there will be riots in a grand scale if he is harmed, similar to the Rodney king riots in many citys.

I also think the case against the BART Police officer is going to end in Manslaughter or acquittal despite the Murder charges, I think Murder will not stick in the matter. or something similar and there is going to be riots in San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, LA and other cities.

It is sad, but I don’t want to have to deal with that sort of violence, and this is more a polecat commentary. And an honest onion, I don’t want to have to be in a race war or riot and my excursions to the east bay for work, doctors appointment and sometimes personal I have to go though the war zone of downtown Oakland, 19th street, mcaurther, Fruitvale. Moreover, that bothers me.

I do not want to fight a battle, but if things come to that, each person has to protect their selves, and the sad part is the prejudice that exists. I know under duress individuals act irrationally, the idiots who are doing this are.

I preformed a few rounds of Urban Exploration with a few like minded individuals, and even soared to dangerous highgts but that’s what I find erotic of urban exploring, risk, danger, and also viewing history and sprawl.





I’m lately very unhappy and depressed and Miss my friends in Texas.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I feel less connected, but motivated, and optimistic. I do not feel sad, or even suicidal per say, more empty and meaningless given my past few posts, I feel un-connected, alone, persecuted, and misunderstood. I miss my grandmother more and more, I miss My mother. I feel the pit is crashing in.

Its not that I am ashamed or a pity party, it is that I just do not feel threes anyone who gets me, I feel alone in agony and angst. I feel lost, adrift and concerted by the information superhighway. I feel often misjudged.

Perhaps empty is how I feel.

Anyway I got a few things working, I also have some errands to run.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual and have a few issues I need to confront before I walk right out the door

I have more recently understood my cause of depression. I hurt for my regrets shame and more importantly resentment toward various individuals such as myself, individuals in Texas, Louisiana, family, my father and others

I am going to tell my therapist today about how I feel and hurt the suffering of my soul, The Fact was I understand my pain, and suffering in my heart, and soul, I cope with it more or less these days. It is just that the day might come when rather than performing a radical event, or acting my resentments toward other individuals.

The way I will likely die before my 30th birthday will be alone, problem on a camping trip alone, in my truck or jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, with my best poker face on, and dropping letters to friends, family and loved ones off on the way on a Sunday or 3 or 4 day holiday weekend. Due to the lack of mail service, it would be very successful in my endeavors, and during a hard January storm or season, would be equality beneficial due to the impairment of the United States coasty guard of launching a rescue.

But that’s fucking Disneyland I suppose, These days I doubt my death, or even vigilantism is much enter for, I don’t go out to the marina, or the presidio much due to the depressing nature of it.
The point is I struggle to feel alive inside, Its not the lack of entry or motivation, its more the worthless self-image of myself, and just not that I don’t have people that care about me, love me, or wish the best for me. Its that I don’t love myself, I mean I take care of myself out of necessity, but I don’t get it, Life.

I deeply miss Texas, and even more so Mississippi, Louisiana, and especially Galveston Island, Houston, karma, Crystal Beach, Corpses Christy, Austin, Dallas, Jasper, Tomball, Spring Branch, Katy, Cypress, Sealy, Luckkenback, etc.

I suppose, I feel just lost, I am unhappy, I miss feeling like I fit in, I miss feeling part of like I belong, I miss feeling like I have a home, a family, people who understand me. I don’t feel people get my complex nature. I also feel Im not going to live to 30, I thought that at 25,26,27,28.

I remember once in a utility corridor I attempted to commit suicide by carbon Monoxide poisoning in rural west Houston, I failed due to hitting the “auto down” of the driver’s side window on my ford truck. I remember another time, I sat in a rooftop pondering jumping in river oaks on many nights a few parking garages I pondered if I was alive or just a bag of bones, another time playing Russian Rolette alone I bent the firing pin, and was lucky.

I understand individuals such as the investment banker who hit a dark place, which by the grace of my own personal god or lacking of my understanding, I have been there, you go nuts. You have shame; I have some faith, and also had the life experience that death or the closeness of it is not very fun. I almost got myself killed that fateful January a few years ago.

Anyway, today I have an appointment with my therapist, and my shrink. I also have an upcoming doctor’s appointment. I have laundry to do soon in a few days. I also worked a few hours for one of my clients. I added a few lines of code to my site. I also am defragging and optimizing my computer today, which it very badly needs.

I fixed my mp3 player and digital cam, I also am in love with my pocket pc I can compose my blog entrees and other items with office mobile and sync them to my computer for posting and even have a program that I can write code for my website while on Bart or main, ac transit, or the cal train.

The idiots in my birthplace of Oakland rioted and selfishly destroyed other individuals property, I love Oakland and Berkeley its more sane than the city, but threes things I like more about the city in some ways as well. They also don’t tolerate the bullshit that far left labial nut jobs put up with in the city.
Saw the Cop I like writing a ticket this morning, I also had coffee at orphan Andy’s and wrote code on my AT&T Tilt, I also got Skype working on my Smartphone to make calls, My other number I might try to roll over from metro pcs to boost with the new national unlimited plan perhaps anyway, but regardless Im going to keep my 713 AT&T number at least for the forceeablle future.


I duno its just another day. I think im going to do more walking soon.





"Born Californian, Raised Cajun (With Gravy & Lagniappe), Came Out Texan"
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I had a meeting today, a bit puzzled with some affairs; I often wonder if the day will come when My life will end soon. I have something’s haunting from my past in 2007, and 2008 potentially causing me more finical harm.

I received a phone call about 5 pm yesterday from the San Francisco Human Rights Commission here is a copy of the e-mail, which was sent to me regarding my treatment at SF general hospital and a few religious bigots

Hello Leigh.

Per our conversation, if you would like assistance changing your medical
identification card to say F (female), please go see patient advocate Ana
Perucho at SF General M-F 8:30-5:00. Be sure to bring your drivers
license. You may also call Ms. Perucho at 206-5176.

You may also speak with Ms. Perucho about them forcing you to use the men's
changing room and about the rude comments and laughter.

Hadas


That gives me something to do this week; I also have to attempt to make it to therapy later today. I went to the Height Ashbury and up twin peaks today. I was semi productive, I caught most of our lady of Safeway, but was very tired I got up at 1 am yesterday and just have been semi umber busy. Im going to turn in early today

I have a meeting with my sponsor on Friday and Saturday as well. And some homework to achive, Im very sleepy today. My depression is not realted to lack of life, its more of just wanting to give up. Ill share more on this later

I ran into a old friend and trans-bian couple who got married and eloped to seattle for a few months.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I Thought I’d take a chance today on my blog and share something alas a bit personal about myself, as well as let some enlightenment get out the closet.
I’m selfish, I am picky, I have utterly high standards. I am careful whom I associate with, I am careful of the company I remain in. Its nothing personal, I don’t think Im better than you, even if I aspire to become such.


My sponsor, whom shall remain anonymous, but is on my face book page, and wont share much more than that.

Has something in common, he grew up in Houston, He knows someone I am face book friends and that still will speak to me I suppose one of the Big LGBT Leaders in Houston, one who has witnessed me drunk and crashing a few events including a infamous blackout I don’t 100% remember in 2006, where I crashed some sort of event.

But today is a day of major achievement, between 2005-2007 I thought I was doomed, I gave up, I was angry, I honestly thought Id be jumping off a rooftop in Houston, which I spent many nights in parking garages, afterhours night clubs, and on rooftops, and utility corridors in my 4x4 truck out of depression.
I convey to my sponsor that I miss Houston, He even suggested that I maybe visit my uncle. Nevertheless, he is correct, just I need to have my shit in order to do such and now is not the time. I also conveyed that in my sobriety, I am in misery. I mean I have a few contents and friends in Montrose, and even Baytown and other parts of the USA.

My father’s displeasure with my arrival in San Francisco is understandable, I have some amends to make with him much as I do, and I understand if he never forgives me, I have remembered portal of my blackouts with Martin Clark Gaetjens and Christen & Lilly as well, what the hell can I say, I moved on with my life?
However, my selfishness, overlooks what I have going for me, I am in the proper place for the moment.

I remember once a utility corridor in far southwest Houston, near 59 and the sw beltway I was tailgating drinking bud light, hopeless, alone listening to Ministry, and Depeche Mode smoking American spirit. Thinking that I was doomed to death and was crying with loaded shotgun. Which I spent a lot of times like that or sitting on a ledge of a parking garage or a rooftop of a commercial building in west Houston or the galleria area. I felt I was doomed at times.

I continue to bear witness to things I do not like seeing, places I don’t like to be. I saw more recently a friend and foe (formerly) dive down into addiction, I am watching another trying to pull herself out and has even merged as an aspiring leader of the TG community here.

I feel closer than ever to my mother when she moved to the San Francisco Bay Area in 1971, from New Orleans. I feel in some way also I am walking in my father’s footsteps in San Francisco & Berkeley as He did from New York City in 1970.
I understand my mothers insanity from when I was younger, I have had suppressed memories from my early childhood of age 2 or 3. I feel closer than ever to my parents. Even if My father is not in my life, and I lost my mother at age 20 in 2001.

I have failed in some areas of my life, but have grown and are growing in other areas. I’ve cut out something’s, and are growing in other places.

Maybe I’m overlooking some things, I have of late cut back my meetings to work on some spirituality and personal study. And am becoming more set in my ways and like a hermit much as my mother was most of her life.

I just vow not to hit so low and die and become alone. I don’t quite understand things that much, but I am learning that the right and proper path and life is not a Disneyland sister.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Monday, Janary 12, 2009
Today I had some business to do at The Federal Building, I actually passed with an older and younger Federal Procreative Service Officer even was checking me out.

Nevertheless, I thought I would make a few confessionals. It’s something that occurred to me, at one time with some of the girls I used to make rounds about when I drink alone, in Houston I was invited with some VIPs on a few occasions. Once I was shy and scared, perhaps from Law & Order SVU: Fallacy and watching the Gwen a

Recently with the wonders of Face book, I discovered more about myself. I discovered some old High School Friends and Foes, not a chapter I want to remember. Nevertheless, I’ve made some outing in the closet.

I mean all of my life I have treated friendships as dispensable, usable and also just removable. I don’t even know how long I will remain in Frisco, I don’t like it here, even if it’s a GLBT Capitol of the United States of America. I dream of Los Angles’.

I have more photos I am going to upload soon.

But I want to state something to people I’m geographically separated from, family members, loved ones, and even people I’ve hurt or people that still care about me even if you’re not in my life for whatever reason.
This is my informal statement:
“I love you, I am grateful for everything anyone has given me, for once in my life I am alive, I am being myself. Please just let me find myself; find my place, path, and way. I am not angry with you, I hope you can forgive me from the bad times, and remember the good.

I want to make amends, and love but I need my space and to be alone. In addition, if anything should ever happen to me, either by someone else’s hands, or not. Give them a chance for forgiveness, but also make sure they pay for what they did to me. I loved life and lived. I know who I am as an Individual and that is priceless, and I am an incredibly brave woman”
I suppose the nightmares are better, lately my legs have cramped up, I have started my new diet, and working on my exercise commitment, and changed my lifestyle a bit.

Today I was shocked from my paper guy, in the BART station it went up from twenty five cents for the San Francisco Chronicle to Fifty Cents Inflation is a bitch.

Recently on one of my excursions for personal and work, and pleasure to the East Bay, I witnessed an gender variant individual being hassled by a Transit driver, I felt poorly for keeping quiet during Trans-Phobia, but they were nice to me and some folks in the bay area Im stealth to.

I honestly don’t like being angry, alone and selfish, attention-whorish, and so much like my mother with the fucked up childhood she gave me, and my father abandoned me. But I can’t turn back time. I only make the best with what I have, one day at a time.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Monday, January 12, 2009

I don’t often blog about things, or feelings or true emotions, I view emotions as a obstacle to life, people come and go and are expendable in my world, it’s not that I’m selfish or controlling or even dominating, it’s just I don’t allow myself to become attached to any people, person or place or thing.

It’s that My selfishness, and inner struggle and anger are a emotional obstacle, it’s not that I deny being Transsexual, or female for matter or are un-sure about it, it’s about the pain of de-transitioning, the suffering of myself, and the fact is I am sure of who I am, it’s just others prejudiced, the time and other flats, but having experienced de transition, I know it will make me more chronicle depressed.

In the movie Death Proof which by the way is filmed in one of my favorite Texas towns, only surpassed by Houston, and Dallas is third, but also having a love for rural east Texas. Kurt Russell makes a quote that he doesn’t drink because “alcohol is a lubricant you have women, beer, sex, and music in the bar” before he starts his murderous psychopathic rampage.

The Point is my suffering to Transition, outside de-transition and Vikki, beer, and red wine withhold my pain. I don’t go out and generally dislike the drunken cesspool of church street and Castro street and the mission at night, not to say I haven’t been in a queer, or dyke bar, but I’ve been maybe three times séance in san Francisco for over a year.

Moreover I notate that I do on brief but rare occasion in my various morning meditation spots such as Delores Park, Ocian Beach, Baker Beach, Golden Gate Park, uc Berkeley campus. I find that I do on occasion concider de-transiton but also know it would, hurt me and I do not feel I can go throough that again.

My suicidal feelings and depression is around the through of giving up and admitting defeat in transitioning, which I won’t do, a lot of my life, I had the bricks laid out for me, I almost married a few times, I was a Latter Day Saint, I watched my life and world collapse in Houston, Texas which I miss the Cajun food and culture, redneck towns, ranches, the Houston Rodeo, The Astros, The Texans, The Rockets.

I miss Montrose more also; My blood and baby steps toward finding myself, and drying up and my blood and sorrows were shed there. In various watering holes, churches, restraints, and instructions and even rooftops in the area, and also various utility condors on the far west and south west, and north west harries county.

I hurt because of that, I am ashamed of how I behaved and acted. I am ashamed of things I did both known, and unknown. I feel poorly, but I worked with my sponsor on these things, I am on step 2 again, and working hard, and these feelings shall pass.

I admit I have a crush on someone a guy, whos very straight, but I suspect might be a closeted case of attractions to trans-women. I feel “peer pressure” keeps him away from me. That’s a confessional, and he shall remain anonymous.

I also flirted with someone this week and was rejected, blab love stinks.

Nevertheless, I have an appointment this morning; I got up about 2 am pacific time, and had a rough weekend. I also saw a coyote near the San Francisco Cal-Train Depot while awaiting the N owl at 3:30 am. Than later this morning
, I saw a fight break out on the 91 OWL which was very well bad, SFPD got there quick, I saw one of the officers I flirt with a few occasions when I witnessed a botched robbery, and a traffic stop and that took a report from me when a guy tried to rob me inside the Jack-In-the Box at 4th and Mission at 4am back in fall 2008, and damaged my Motorola Razor, in addition that location is no longer open 24 hours due to that event.
I also had a dream last night of a motorcycle and riding through Big Sur, and through death valley and up to lake Tahoe, one of the nutty women I live with, my anger toward her drinking and disruptiveness, boiled over, and I took action and another person gave the varying assertive role and it seemed to and hopefully got better, I got a decent night oof sleep.

Perhaps my own anger, social awkwardness, and resentment is part of fear of being hurt, but the only thing to fear is fear itself, and I broke free. Alternatively, am breaking free.

Maybe my problem is being to overly displayed and seeking others self-seeking approval. Maybe I should do more for me. And start to live my life on my lifes terms.
I have shit to do today, and have a very busy week ahead.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I feel San Francisco is very hard to explain I don’t know if I fit in, per say. I often wonder if Life will ever be what It once was for myself. I have been thinking of my emotionless, it is like a poker face. Perhaps I need to socialize more and get out more, and achieve more things.

Maybe being emotionless is a good thing, but the isolation and being alone. Perhaps my own trans-phobia, and trying is not so bad, maybe in some way It is a good thing. Spoke to ME. The growth of myself as an individual. I have some reading to achieve tomorrow when I must awake early and make my spiritual journey

Perhaps the reason I’m so emotionless, with my “poker face” is because I never really had a childhood, I mean I was provided for and I guess happy, but I wasn’t happy with myself. Therefore, I played the poker face game growing up.

I often wonder if I’m just wasting away my life, its so cold, reality. I hate suffering in my soul, and having burning desires. Its like people hate me so much out of confusion and prejudice, so I coop up in my own center of cyberspace, perhaps its why I launched my blog, and spend so much time blogging.

Perhaps, I’ll find my path one day, but its just so lonely, and being emotionless, is a better way to cope at times in the coffee shops, libraries, diners, museums, churches, beach and other places I frequent I find more about myself and observe other individuals I find peace and amusement in people watching sometimes.

I’m just a private person much as my mother was, even though I’d never be like her, I dune that’s all I have today.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Slept ok, took a good well-needed shower yesterday afternoon. Cleaned up this morning ok, though not as much to my likening. I have a review for something on Monday, I also have to get up very early to take care of affairs Monday will be a very busy day, this whole week upcoming will be very busy indeed.

I added some code to my server, and drove down to San Jose briefly more recently. I added a few lines of code to my web server as well and have been coding as of late.

Perhaps one day I will achieve the things I desire. In addition, it would be very easy to end it. For example, put on my best poker face, and go out to the world’s best suicide magnet, and jump over with zero hesitation and be prepared for the next step in life after death if even on such exists.

I thought about the religious right and nut jobs such as Michael Savage who published this savage peace right here which I will provide a link to. Being the christen nut job fundamentalists such as Bill O’Reilly andvid even Hate-Mongers such as David Duke, or even individuals such as I tried hard to find a common bond with

I miss my family, I miss my friends, supporters in Houston, I also Miss my grandmother, My AA Birthday is this week I will have eighteen months sober on the 13th of January, I also will be Twenty Eight Years Old on the 18th.

Maybe I just am tired of not having any feelings, or just knowing who I can and can’t trust. I seriously wonder If Ill be unhappy my whole life much as my mother was, I don’t want to be like that, I seriously of late have been concidering takeing a leap of faith from Twin Peaks, The Golden Gate, or even some of the Hills in the east bay, or even fleeing the country and hideing part of my past.
But I don’t want that, Im going to fight this sickness, my sponsor gave me some homework though steps 2,3 and some reading which I will perform.

I saw a few places I plan to attempt to apply this week even though its very busy.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Updates and Lesbian Baby Mamma Drama

Friday, January 09, 2009

My discovery about something about myself and discovering more about life. People and my therapist is correct I am strange, I don’t have emotions of feelings or just bottle them up, and shove the crap aside. I’ve been watching someone in the San Francisco Transgender Community break free of addiction, and even have some admiration given her and I got into it before, she really has some a long way.

I love to hate San Francisco and the Bay Area. For example, some of my viewpoints are a bit radical, as for advocating the incarnations of drunks, drug addicts, and allow individuals when they get out choosing the first step. Many San Francisco Residents also defer from my viewpoints on firearms, and right to use force.

Moreover, I have discovered about myself, and my life. It’s not that I am emotionless, I just don’t display it. I am more of a quiet, but outgoing, individual. I prefer my privacy and solitude. It is amazing I look so much like my mother in Transition.

Also, I am aware the day will come where and when I will Lose DLG, I think I would and will go to Louisiana just for the funereal, and then turn around and come back to California. I remember the road trip I took in 2006, to San Francisco. Its amazing taking vacation time from work, and going to Party in New Orleans than driving to San Francisco from Houston after partying in new Orleans for the weekend.

Nevertheless, I honestly don’t know how I drove from Houston to San Francisco, on truck stop coffee, bad fast food, and the open highway without resting than sleeping for a day and a half at the Becks Motor Lodge’s

I have a vague recollection of a relapse on a Sparks Entergy drink, unknowing that it had booze And recollections of mimosas, draft beer, red wine, screwdrivers. I seem to remember a disagreement of some sort with my father, which pushed him over the edge.

I don’t have all the answers, but know I must co-exist with others, and that at times is a challenge for me. I suppose, maybe it’s others un-intentional discrimination or using improper pronouns.
Yesterday I observed two individuals in a coffee shop, which I love to people watch, in coffee shops, airports, diners, public places. A girl was discussing with her male friend about her brother who is nineteen, very independent and also dealing with gender issues,
I found great amusement that he never had any friends, was a loner, and went home than left, he worked at star bucks, but what amused me is he lived with his aunt who is a lesbian, and also she referred to her as “he”. She does not quite get it.

I listened to Jayna and Mias, Podcast, which is wonderful, and I enjoy listing to, I heard names and other community leaders I have not heard in a long time. Eventually Ill get on the podcasting, and video blogging wagon, but I prefer writing, maybe I’m a bit old fashioned and sometimes late adopter.


I enjoyed hearing names of wonderful Trans-folk whom are transitioning or have transitioned, Names I heard when I was in high school or fresh out like Marty Aberthnay and some of Transponder episode 100 made me think and re-think the primary purpose of my website, blog and other reasons.
I chose to launch it to make a reality style “real-world / big brother” clone of my transition, feelings, and life experiences. I launched it because I wanted to show the world that we are not all sex craved sex workers, or psychopaths. I wanted to also document my life experiences, where friends, near and far away can monitor me, and check in at any time.

But also I launched the site to protest something unjust, which I can see my part in it. A little over a year ago, I made a difficult choice and series of difficult choices. I chose to leave Houston, start over, I learned that your past and things do follow you if you don’t change things.

I found some intresting trends in my server logs, some of which I will share later. It appears I have some curious visitors from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have been posting as of late on some forums.

Moreover, I thought I would blog about the Oakland Riots the even if the officer was wrong, the individuals that were attempting to start a race war, and riot between cops and civilians were wrong, ever more ignorant is the fact the majority of the small businesses, companies, and other places that were vandalized were run by African American’s , Asians and other minority groups.

Even worse, the cars they smashed it has been documented some of them belonged to African Americans by local media accounts, I think the Oakland police handled the situation well by arresting only the most dangerous and those escalating violence from accounts I witnessed and media reports, it was handled well,
but the mayor of Oakland is partly to blame, for not acting sooner until blood spilled on the streets of Oakland, he should resign he is a poor leader. Anyway today around noon im going to head home and clean up and turn in early, I have a very long and busy day ,and next week is booked very tightly as well.

Moreover, I have not recently had time to work on my domain TGSFO.com, I also have to get up early to meet with my sposor, a AA service commitment, and a few other things, its been a few days without a meeting but I have been reading my big book and 12x12 book.



Next week I need to
1.) Go take care OF business in the federal building
2.) Go to the doctor
3.) Make some work in my living situation
4.) Go to my wonderful therapist
5.) FEDEX the keys to DLG to something
6.) Send the letter changing my name on my truck loan
7.) Take care of some finance issues
8.)
The List
1.) Pick up items at Walgreens
2.) Pick up mail at mailbox
3.) Take a good shower I need to do some grooming and have some hardships in my living suit ion for the next few months, and have to make some changes
4.) Pay my settlement with one of me debtors and creditors
5.) Change my name on my auto loan
6.) A


Gratitude List’
1.) Grateful to have made amends, and potential friendship with a trans-woman of African descent whom we had bad blood
2.) For being able to talk about issues
3.) For having money in the bank, food, clothing and shelter during tough economic times
4.) For having friends, and friends in aa, even if Im alone often
5.) For doing step work with my sponsor



I thought I was also note I added new photos to my photo bucket account and I watched with mild amusement of someone expelling Tran sexuality to me and than Shockley noticed me, and was kind and corrected herself, when I gave her a look, and she initial didn’t notice me, and corrected herself, she seemed to have a understanding of some personal sort, this was in amusement on the MUNI metro this morning.


You can view the new photos at this URL http://s121.photobucket.com/albums/o211/mlgaetjens/?start=all
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Thursday, January 08, 2009

I’ve been pondering my embitterment toward Myself, others, Law Enforcement, Gays, Lesbians, Bisexual, Transgender, and other groups. I used to advocate revolution through action even if it hurt, injured or endangered others, perhaps , I was a angry radical at one point I suppose, looking back at my blog entrees, and e-mails with in individuals it would not surprise me if at some point Perhaps, the FBI or other law enforcement agency was concerned with some of my viewpoints and I had surveillance on me.

Two to three years ago I would be over in Oakland for the reason of rioting and adding the the damage, and body count, or building a home made device to injure others, but wrongs don’t make it right, someone along the line needs to be the better person, and break the cycle of violence.

Threes a meteorphoore that goes like this:

Husband hits the wife due to having a bad day at work when he arrives home\
Wife smacks the kid due to the husband hitting her
Kid kicks the dog due to their mother hitting them


You have to break the cycle along the way, even if someone is wrong, or things do not go your way, the only way to stop radical individuals, angry ones is to be the better person and react with kindness.


The Riots last night, and the panic, terror and chaos disturb me. Being Born in Oakland, and witnessing racial tensions and other California radicals, who blew out of control and anger, I saw part of myself and trust me it is not a pretty sight.

Lucky for me I will not be visiting the east bay for a while until exurban , my business relatshinships, clients, friends and places I do business with are going on vacation, out of town, or not available for appointments.

Moreover, I made a very amusing observation about Bay Area Residents, and lazy labials with not much time. It seems many folks don’t have time to do laundry and drop off service is more popular, but even more amazing is people are too butt fuck lazy to wash their own truck, van, car or sub.

I’ve thought about my relatshinship with my father. I think he is wrong for some of his actions, and inactions, the way I have delta with it, he has cut me off and been absent most of my life, I have to just accept he is never going to be a part of it. Hes gone, and unwelcome in my life if I’m ever married or partnered, or unwelcome to any events.

I grow tired of feeling alone, today I did 4 loads of laundry, I dreamed last night of motorcycles riding through the redwood forests, and big sur. Threes so much one day I want to see of the west coast. I received a letter for a nice apartment I applied for recently that even though in a questionable area, is really nice and they run a tight ship. Ill share more at some point, but I must respect my anonminity and privacy, and more so given I was assaulted by someone whom may have been one of my blog readers.

My alone is partly my choice, I need my space to work things out. My therapist commented she noticed I don’t often have feelings, emotions. Which she found amusing, which Is how and why star trek voyager I am a huge fan of seven of nine searches for her humanity, and femmentity, and also finding myself.

I’m going to presume the bartending school, in the summer. It is a gateway to better and brighter things. I revved a settlement from one of my debtor more recently whom made a very reasonable settlement offer.

One of the things that asks me is my experience when yet again being falsely diagnosed with TB, and a improper x-ray tech, that may have made a indicant mistake but did make me largely uncomfortable in that effect.

I have to haul my big ass backpack full of laundry back home, and I spoke to Jayna at the Law center today, and I might at somepoint enter the podcasting arena, I have a pretty stedy stream of bloggers that follow me.

The reason I’m out as a blogger and do post sometimes info about me is similar to a real world inspiration I had one day, quite a few years ago when I launched leemcg.com, and also purchased the leemcg.org & leemcg.net to protect the brand I worked hard to promote and build.

I think it’s amusing that the real world launched the first Transpersonal and even has a Mormon who looks very homosexual and strange. Id like to push this issue, I’ve seen too many closeted lesbians, and gays in the LDS church the real world Brooklyn amuses me, but Ill problem catch it on Netflix and DVD.

My therapist wanted me do talk about love and relatshinships and my emotions, and selfishness, feelings she sees in me. She said she has never encountered it, I attribute it to my lack of childhood, misspent youth, and also I learned to suppress my emotions when I was five years old My great uncle who died, didn’t take well to be being a “square fairy” and vowed to make a man out of me.

My first experience with knowing I was different I used to spend hours staring into the sears catalog (I’m old) in the 1980s, day dreaming about being a girl. I spent hours at home, I didn’t have much opportunity to dress up but I desired to. But also knew what would happen, or thought so, for example being encouraged to climb a tree, or having to walk on a Louisiana hot concrete in 100 degree heat to “toughen me up” slapped with a stainless steel bates metal drafting instrument for youthful insubordination “gargling in the childhood swimming pool” and not listing.

My acting out and even being out did not surprise the foster care folks and eventually they came around. One day I plan to travel to visit New Orleans and Houston but don’t think Ill go back to bigotry until societies and the United States government changes laws and offers me equality which is doubtful in my life time in my personal opnion, honestly I want to leave the country, and at some point I might relocate to Canada.

I had to learn your true self, and everything is expendable even my tour though the dark side of gender and sexuality inversion therapy which Ill touch on that cueing dent work. Its genetics not a chalice, and people need to respect that.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Slept ok, the remodel is going ok. I added code to the site. I am a bit upset about some things beyond my control that are presently occurring in my life. I have to do laundry tomorrow. I also have to adjust my daily routine for about a month or until the contractors finish their end of the remodeling at the place.


I spoke to EDT Today and miss him, but it’s not meant to work out. I also ran into a old friend from Space city, picked up my 12x12 + big book. I also added a few lines of code to my server. I have a review upcoming in about a week for the DIS files, I am alas a bit nervous about that. I also have

I dream of wide open spaces, life and the open highway and the road ahead. I also dream of what Life would have been like if I had continued to pretended to be someone I was not, to live in guilt, shame, and misery, to dive into fantasy role playing games, computer games, video games and other burning desires.

Yesterday I went to the San Francisco Human Rights commission to seek with an issue with discrimination at San Francisco General Hosptial. They are being real douchebags with my medical records and helping me update data.
Zoe and I went to golden gate park this weekend, I also took her to the airport yesterday.

More recently I observed an individual who is struggleing go back to their insanity again. I recived a letter for one of the places Ive been waiting for and applied for more recently it’s a very nice building, very clean, no bullshit but in a very bad area sort of but they keep the riff raff out.
I contacted the San Francisco Community United against violence, Its hard to admit defeat to insanity, I swore Id never become like my mother, but she was run out of Houston as well. Our drinking went downhill in some of the same establishments, she told me transiton was wrong, I was not serious enough to do it. I was young and foolish in the mid 1990s

I also learned about myself and the lack of the trans-community you would think New Oreans would have, I also learned more and more as I progressed, when I was 5 I was hurt for coming out to HJM. He was pretty old fashioned and made a man out of me or so he thought.

I joined the LDS church as a religious cure for all, however finding good hurt and helped me in many areas and aspect of my life.

Maybe Im just bitching and ranting, I have shit to do. I have a therpey appointment today, I have an apoointment with the disibality folks, I also have a few other things going on. Blah, its my so called life.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

The sad state of the health care system, malpractice, misconduct, trans-phobia, and progress but not prefection, and my so-called life

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Slept well, a little too well, my sickness was a huge misunderstanding and wrong medical progronosis. I also was very nervous of the possibly I may have been carrying around and spreading sickness to some individuals whom were very sick.

I also was treated poorly at San Francisco General Hospital by an X-ray tech, I contacted the Patient advocate office, as well as a legal firm to advocate on my behalf, I
t’s the second time almost a year to the day a doctor made a false prognosis, to me being a carrier to severe TB, what the fuck is up with the lacking of our health care system, and bad doctors anyway?

To make matters worse, the room where they warehouse potential infected individuals, was very warm, the environmental controls were not set properly, and I refused to sit in a room with at least one very sick individual coughing very badly in a germ filled cesspool.

I am going to be going to P0S today to pick up some things, and my big book and 12 X 12, as well as my other backpack, one bit the dust again. I also had a dream last night of my ex-partner in crime.

I also hope my friend made it back to aussie well. I had to reflash my AT&T tilt, and lost the sync cable to a pickpocket on BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) I believe. That’s one thing I don’t like about the bay area, people don’t have any standing up for themselves, or southern hospitably, and to many teachers, gangbangers, and thieves.

I received a call last night from a Support Group, which I had a disagreement, and did not repeat same mistakes in Houston, I told them I have some affairs to get in order before being considered to return, and had a nice peaceful conversation.

SKR is moving to Berkeley, and I suggested a meeting at the Berkeley AA Fellowship, which I occasionally attend. I’ve changed meetings a bit MB said hello to me on The SF Muni F Line, (I didn’t feel like the MUNI METRO subway today)

I also have had a reaction possibly to some defective cosmetics, and my face peeled, Or it could be the weather, I canceled my electro appointment today. Its burning and Im breaking out very badly, and feel nasty.
I also have to give kudos to the folks who DID treat me with respect at SF general yesterday duing the false TB scare, they were very kind and helpful toward me, and assisited me with finding the right place to file a formal complaint with discriminatory practices with health care.

I do hope President Elect Obama, keeps his promises to the Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Queer, and Transgender community.
I also hope he is a good leader, and doesn’t allow terrorist or handles the Iraq war and middle east confulclts properly, I do worry about the war on terror under the leadership of Obama, as well as his safety with right wing nut job skinhead groups who have already made threats

before he was even elected there were attempts made on him, It would sadden me for him to be another tragedy such as JFK, I hope if the unfortunate attempt on President Obama is made, he makes out as well or better when the attempt was made on Ronald Regan, I do hope he stays safe, he is the first democratic president I voted for, and he is my president whom I voted and campained for.

I think President Bush is a dumbass for his stupid little ploy for the protected wetlands, which is a good thing but a political ploy in his last weeks in office, while I voted for him twice, and at one time was a Bush supporter.

I also think he has hurt and was wrong to Use the EPA to sue the State of California over its tough emissions standards, I was not a big believer in global warming, and envorminetllism until I lived in the most polluted, envormentally unfriendly, smog filled, city in the United States (Houston, texas)

I lot about me changed in Houston, My blood was shed, I found myself and found and lost god, and found god again, I joined the party and left it. I found my true self, at age twenty-four. I learned a lot about life and the hard kicks of life, spent some time in the dirties and nastiest county jail In Texas.

And I settled down and headed west, and found life and god and learned more about myself, and continue to do such

Ive thought of my domain TGSFO.com, and what I want to do with it. I am going to continue to set up the BBS system, and mailing list, resource database. I want to emulate it along the lines of trueselves.com ; transhouston.com ; beginning life forums ; and gender web forums as well as a resource and referral listings that the SF GLBT center has.


It’s a project in progress which I don’t have much time for at the present moment, perhaps Ill start decanting a weekend at the Berkeley Public Library, which I find to be very relaxing the downtown branch on the 2nd floor. I also find the SF Main Liberia sixth floor room to be drama and riff raff proof the special collections room.

This weekend, I saw Mike and Woody get into a bottle fight in the Safe Way parking lot and SFPD respond, I wish they would get into a treatment program, I saw one junkie get so wasted his leg rotted off and he was so crippled, I hope he got help or something I hope he didn’t die. I have seen many sad things, and stories and tales of addiction in The bay area.

I hope god willing our woman of Safeway does not restart the coffee service. That will bring the meeting into utter chaos, lately vie been a bit angry, and lost and distracted. I am working on that, I am aware my defects of charter and selfishness can make me unpleasant to be around.


It took me years of pain to learn patience, which by no means am I perfect, and to be able to let go of the past and make progress. I suppose I spent part of my life angry at the world, god, found god for the wrong reasons as a religious cure for all, than lost it because I picked the one of the most anti GLBT religions to convert to.
I carried anger around, and built it up and dove into projects such as computer gaming, tried to be someone I wasn’t. Almost married once in Texas. I also did cars, and was selfish, sexist, dominating, and pigheaded.

I took others advice, and suggestions as insults anger and resentments. I did nasty things to people who cared, and followed my father’s example in drowning in my sorrows of barrooms, tailgating and falsity wonderland, with lies, deception and using folks.










Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for friends and family\
2.) Grateful to have left the south
3.) Grateful to have president elect Obama taking office soon.
4.) For the wonderful foggy damp san francisco weather I love so much
5.) For having a wonderful sponsor


The List
1.) Pick up backpack, 12x12 + big book
2.) Check Mail
3.) Send documents to DLG
4.) Follow up with Transgender Law Center, NCLR + San Francisco general hospital
5.) Do homework for sponsor
6.) Call SF School of bartending, put down payment
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Monday, January 05, 2009

I don’t often Like pity nor is it healthy for me, I have something wrong with me, I am headed to the emergency room. I have more to share later, I don’t want to broadcast things, but its something possibly serious. Ill let you know if it’s a false alarm. And I don’t have a lot of time, but Im doing ok, and strong as a ox, and faithful just a little scared.


Ive decided after my garnishments are finshed bartending school is in my future in lulu of a taxi driver.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Im alas a bit sick, its bone chilling cold today in San Francisco ate a salad today, posted on a few fourms and mailing lists I lurk on, I discussed with my sponsor after I get through some things, I plan to drop the taxi thing in lulu of bartending school, Ill be a recovered bartender, the economy is to bad to be driving a cab, however I don’t rule it out in the future.

Nor is it something I want to do forever. I should be finshed with my garnishment and things should be improveing in the summer of 2009.

I did a few hours temp work today
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Slept ok, attended two meetings today, one at our lady of safeway, the other at the Rec Center. Spoke to DLG, picked up some items, my body has been alas a bit weak as of late, I also have been having strange dreams.


I have to pick up my documents, and also pay a few bills this week. I also am traveling to the East Bay on Tuesday Morning. I am going to cut back on some areas in my life, I also am going to enroll in the class that I so dearly need to take and promised a few individuals I would take.

I spoke to a friend a bit today, and have some commitments I need to keep so my entry will be brief today. But what I have been pondering recently is the following:

Just struggleing to fit in to the world and find balance with my inner self, and self-acceptance its something that I will do on my own, and take stime and is sometimes slow and painful. But I am making great progress, I think I will start to feel better about myself in about a 6 months when My garnishment is finsished, in the mean time, I am making some adjustments to myself and areas of my personal well being.

Maybe Im just roughing it to take care of some things I wish I had taken care of long ago.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Friday, January 02, 2009

I have been self-reflecting and learning in Life, what I learned about humility, self-discovery, and myself. I learned that I never really had a childhood, my peer pressure, and irresponsible actions in Texas, and Louisiana, and acting out was being the rebel I never was.

My anger, resentment and feeling out of place, under-sexualized, as well as not being discovered my true spirit. I even have some of these actions In San Francisco. Perhaps I will not always be alone and so selfish, attention whorish, and self-centered, disrespectful of boundaries.

My life, and self-pity I find utterly disgusting along with the overly liberal San Francisco, while I agree with some of San Francisco’s Ultra Liberal Values, other topics and issues in California I find utterly disturbing, its amazing a place where many radical viewpoints are formed, both right wing and far left.

It also hurts to feel like I don’t connect or click with others, the community and American Life, I dream of something far away, in the country side someplace other than the Once Great United States of America, now the shame and laughing stock of the eastern world.

Moreover, I feel I discovered a feeling of emptiness, perhaps part of the void of whets missing, and letting go and allowing faith to take over is better for us all.

Maybe I will sort it out in 2009, when some of my debits to society and past transgressions and moving on in my new life on the ultra liberal left coast.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Friday, January 02, 2009

Spoke to my good confidant who is a transgender man this morning, and someone I confide in. I also spoke to DLG today. I added some code, and am working on my domain at TGSFO.COM. I also worked on LEIGHMCINNISGAETJENS.COM

Its, cold wet foggy and rainy today in San Francisco, a typical January here. I recently started expanding my mind with another book The Looming Tower AL-QAEDA AND THE ROAD TO 9/11 by Lawrence Wright.


Lately ive been posting to the Beginning Life Fourms, and the Gender Web Fourms. I am planning on starting my own at TGSFO.com,

I spoke to a friend who lied to me, that was using me for their sexual pleasure, and I was hurt by that, they also lied about their age, and are a spoiled kid of a yuppie with a fake ID, but the sexual thing was amazeing.

My website is gaining in popularity and I promoted it alas a bit more, I just don’t have the inspiration for my coding much of late, Im rebuilding my life I suppose, some of my hits dropped off, but my site is as popular as ever.

I hope my friend had a safe trip home, and passes through TSA ok, on her journey back to melbourine. I also hope my father is doing well.

Lately Ive had one of my favorite songs stuck in my head Larry Gatlin – Houston brings me one step closer to you, I do love some old classic country western songs.

I might meet with my sponsor for lunch today after I finish laundry, and do a few other things the weather sure is nasty right now!

My grattuide List
1.) Grateful to be alive\
2.) Grateful for my health
3.) Grateful for some rain
4.) Grateful for the blessings of soberity
5.) Grateful for my sponsor and to be getting some step work finished



The List
1.) Check Mail
2.) Send keys to DLG
3.) Copy insurance documents
4.) Fax Name change to finance company
5.) Pay Bills today



Goals
1.) Be less selfish and domnating in personality
2.) Go with the flow more
3.) Work a better program
4.) Be more kind to others
5.) Love myself
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Well it’s a new year, I preformed some mathematical analysis recently about my back payments, debit and amends to make. Around this summer one of my Finance amends will be taken care of. I also might have my 4x4 in the city, and I ideally will be moving up from my current living suitution.

Out look for dates of being noteworthy

On 1-06-2009 = 1 year in san francisco
On 1-13-2009 = 18 months sober

01-18-2009 = I will be twenty eight years old

07-13-2007 marks 2 years sober

10-31-2008 marks 3 years from when I started binge drinking and crossed over to being a drunk like my father

I looked at going back and doing PAC work, paid. I also am working on my taxi driver school. I also might start moonlighting as a San Francisco taxi driver as a bridge to better things, and to work on an ADLC Certification while going back to college.

I spoke to my confidant Tammy, yesterday about the pig headed thing a selfish man said to me and a bit sexist and you would think homosexual men would be less trans-phobic, but the reality is Transsexual and Queer individuals are the reason most GLBTQ individuals get harassed, due to not being “masculine” or “ feminine” enough.


I am doing some serious step work with my sponsor this week. I also slept well, woke up about 3am, cleaned up went back to sleep, than got up about 4 to use the bathroom, than lay down to 5 am, fixed my face, than out at 6am, and there were still tweakers outside and about. I did NOT want to be out early this morning.

I saw Mike on the N Bus as well; i am going to go to a different meeting today. On the other hand, maybe skip one, I might go to a friend who is having a LAN Party and play some counterstrike. Alternatively, I just might write code for my website.

I still owe roughly 3,500 in back payments, I have 22 months left on my auto loan, I also have some credit card debit I’m repaying, My partner is leaving the country tomorrow and going back home so it’s a day to say goodbye, which we already had. We became close under duress and common bond, I look forward toward her next visit to the USA, one day I may join her in her country.


I added some code to my server, and am going to work on my tgsfo.com domain. I may create a new index.html page for leemcg.com as a gateway to other sights. I saw some tweakers on the N Line bus this morning due to MUNI being on holiday service.

I went to sparkys, and had coffee and saw my good pal zeake, whom is funny and also amusing given we have southern stories, I told him. Some dipshit ripped me off out of 20 bucks and pick pocketed something for me, I think it might have happened on BART, its why I keep two billfolds in my purse, a task and procedure I started when I moonlighted as a messenger, and pizza driver but was in semi practice many years earlier.

I have been thinking about the kind of person I want to become, I don’t want to continue to be as selfish and attention whoreish, Id like the shut the fuck up and listen more in 2009, and be more pleasant to be around,


What I’m grateful for in 2008
1.) To have relocated to san francisco
2.) To have remained sober in san francisco
3.) To have found myself


What I am setting goals for in 2009
1.) Make amends to my creditors
2.) Improve my living suitutin
3.) Go back to collage as my finances shift into order
4.) Do more with my pickem up truck
5.) Possibly drive to Louisiana in 2010 or 2011 to visit and then come home to san Francisco and maybe a visit to Houston


Grattuide List

1.) Grateful to have a sponsor
2.) Grateful for my health
3.) Grateful for my self confidance
4.) Grateful to be alive
5.) Grateful to have a plan

\
The list for today

1.) Pay bills (online)
2.) Pick up items at drug store
3.) Buy DPT parking meter card, and MUNI Fast Pass
4.) Write letters
5.) Send documents and keys to DLG
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger