Thursday, January 08, 2009

I’ve been pondering my embitterment toward Myself, others, Law Enforcement, Gays, Lesbians, Bisexual, Transgender, and other groups. I used to advocate revolution through action even if it hurt, injured or endangered others, perhaps , I was a angry radical at one point I suppose, looking back at my blog entrees, and e-mails with in individuals it would not surprise me if at some point Perhaps, the FBI or other law enforcement agency was concerned with some of my viewpoints and I had surveillance on me.

Two to three years ago I would be over in Oakland for the reason of rioting and adding the the damage, and body count, or building a home made device to injure others, but wrongs don’t make it right, someone along the line needs to be the better person, and break the cycle of violence.

Threes a meteorphoore that goes like this:

Husband hits the wife due to having a bad day at work when he arrives home\
Wife smacks the kid due to the husband hitting her
Kid kicks the dog due to their mother hitting them


You have to break the cycle along the way, even if someone is wrong, or things do not go your way, the only way to stop radical individuals, angry ones is to be the better person and react with kindness.


The Riots last night, and the panic, terror and chaos disturb me. Being Born in Oakland, and witnessing racial tensions and other California radicals, who blew out of control and anger, I saw part of myself and trust me it is not a pretty sight.

Lucky for me I will not be visiting the east bay for a while until exurban , my business relatshinships, clients, friends and places I do business with are going on vacation, out of town, or not available for appointments.

Moreover, I made a very amusing observation about Bay Area Residents, and lazy labials with not much time. It seems many folks don’t have time to do laundry and drop off service is more popular, but even more amazing is people are too butt fuck lazy to wash their own truck, van, car or sub.

I’ve thought about my relatshinship with my father. I think he is wrong for some of his actions, and inactions, the way I have delta with it, he has cut me off and been absent most of my life, I have to just accept he is never going to be a part of it. Hes gone, and unwelcome in my life if I’m ever married or partnered, or unwelcome to any events.

I grow tired of feeling alone, today I did 4 loads of laundry, I dreamed last night of motorcycles riding through the redwood forests, and big sur. Threes so much one day I want to see of the west coast. I received a letter for a nice apartment I applied for recently that even though in a questionable area, is really nice and they run a tight ship. Ill share more at some point, but I must respect my anonminity and privacy, and more so given I was assaulted by someone whom may have been one of my blog readers.

My alone is partly my choice, I need my space to work things out. My therapist commented she noticed I don’t often have feelings, emotions. Which she found amusing, which Is how and why star trek voyager I am a huge fan of seven of nine searches for her humanity, and femmentity, and also finding myself.

I’m going to presume the bartending school, in the summer. It is a gateway to better and brighter things. I revved a settlement from one of my debtor more recently whom made a very reasonable settlement offer.

One of the things that asks me is my experience when yet again being falsely diagnosed with TB, and a improper x-ray tech, that may have made a indicant mistake but did make me largely uncomfortable in that effect.

I have to haul my big ass backpack full of laundry back home, and I spoke to Jayna at the Law center today, and I might at somepoint enter the podcasting arena, I have a pretty stedy stream of bloggers that follow me.

The reason I’m out as a blogger and do post sometimes info about me is similar to a real world inspiration I had one day, quite a few years ago when I launched leemcg.com, and also purchased the leemcg.org & leemcg.net to protect the brand I worked hard to promote and build.

I think it’s amusing that the real world launched the first Transpersonal and even has a Mormon who looks very homosexual and strange. Id like to push this issue, I’ve seen too many closeted lesbians, and gays in the LDS church the real world Brooklyn amuses me, but Ill problem catch it on Netflix and DVD.

My therapist wanted me do talk about love and relatshinships and my emotions, and selfishness, feelings she sees in me. She said she has never encountered it, I attribute it to my lack of childhood, misspent youth, and also I learned to suppress my emotions when I was five years old My great uncle who died, didn’t take well to be being a “square fairy” and vowed to make a man out of me.

My first experience with knowing I was different I used to spend hours staring into the sears catalog (I’m old) in the 1980s, day dreaming about being a girl. I spent hours at home, I didn’t have much opportunity to dress up but I desired to. But also knew what would happen, or thought so, for example being encouraged to climb a tree, or having to walk on a Louisiana hot concrete in 100 degree heat to “toughen me up” slapped with a stainless steel bates metal drafting instrument for youthful insubordination “gargling in the childhood swimming pool” and not listing.

My acting out and even being out did not surprise the foster care folks and eventually they came around. One day I plan to travel to visit New Orleans and Houston but don’t think Ill go back to bigotry until societies and the United States government changes laws and offers me equality which is doubtful in my life time in my personal opnion, honestly I want to leave the country, and at some point I might relocate to Canada.

I had to learn your true self, and everything is expendable even my tour though the dark side of gender and sexuality inversion therapy which Ill touch on that cueing dent work. Its genetics not a chalice, and people need to respect that.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
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