Sunday, November 30, 2008

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Slept well last night, awoke early this morning, I continue to grow as an individual. I miss my family, I miss my grandmother often, I daily want to call her, and cannot, I wish she was still here. But people grow old and die, and she died just how she wanted in her sleep, or just starting to wake up sort of.

I continue to work on things and making amends, spoke to BMCD last night, I also have been growing in recovery from the most fucked up form of christen religions, Mormonism. I guess Ill make it here in San Francisco, I worked hard to build roots here.

I continue to grow as a young woman. I talked a bit somewhat, and opened up alas a bit more. I have a plan of action for my future, which I discussed with BMCD last night she’s OTR in Wisconsin, I owe a lot of my continuous soberly in san Francisco to her

She purchased her own truck an 1999 volvo, pretty basic but comfortable. And is enjoying life as an owner operator. She is a good friend to have and I owe many of my positive choices to having her as a friend in the city of San Francisco.

Furthermore, I look for someone to fill the better half of whets missing in my life, family, and love. I met someone recently whom I strongly suspect is an semi-active potential future member of aa. She is thirty three years old also a transsexual-woman post op with five surgeries. She is someone whom we have an attraction and lives out in the Richmond district of San Francisco.

Im glad I filed and sent the medical health directive, more recently to family members. Incase Im injured giving power of atty and to maintain my appearance and refer to me properly so Im not cut up like many trans women are.

Furthermore the prop 8 bullshit and the LDS Involvement in the matters which don’t concern them. Have a present employment, educational, and other adgendas on my planner, I have a lot to achive it just takes time to get there




Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be alive
2.) Grateful to be sober
3.) Grateful to be in San Francisco
4.) Grateful to have friends, family and loved ones who care about me
5.) Grateful to have food, clothing and shelter

To Do List
1.) Follow up with interview
2.) Call sponsor
3.) Meeting
4.) Update will and send to individuals
5.) Send documents to finance companies for name change.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Slept good last night, awoke early as usual. Took care of business, have some banking and matters to take care of this morning, went to our lady of safeway meeting, saw a shit load of cops this morning doing a robbery case.


The sf weekly did an ok story but a bit broad sided toward the scantuary city policys, I do think it helped even if show some areas where the Transgender community needs to overcome its sterotypes. I also think we grow.

I have a lot on my adgenda this week, Check in at hud, check with the bank, cosmetic work to be done, doctors appointment at lyon martin womens clnic. I also spoke to MB he didn’t know I was trans, asked me, I think he even has more respect for me now, I am a pretty brave person and individual and obviously pass well.


Furthermore, I grow.

Grattuide List
1.) Food, clothing and shelter
2.) Money in the bank
3.) Family, loved ones and friends.
4.) To have my health, youth and beauty


Im sending some photos home to the folks who have not seen me in a very long time. I also have some other things Im also photocopying a health care directive as well to send to MLS, MCG, DLG and MM



The list
1.) Banking
2.) Send photos home
3.) Look at new shoes
4.) Preparation work
5.) Send off resume
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Friday, November 28, 2008

I thought I might add my new phone should be arriveing shortly and than Ill be moving it over to in market and closeing out a dark chapter of right wing christen, latter day saint nut job gone wild, not a very happy place, earlier in the week I destroyed my old texas, and Louisiana social security cards, drivers licenses and moved on beyond past transgressions, no pun intended. Closure is good, I mentioned to my sponsor my transgressions and how I was able to move on which pleased my sponsor.

Furthermore I discovered moue about myself I emailed my resume to borders, and also will try to follow up today at blockbuster. Furthermore, I will discover more about life. Talked to my sponsor some about my living situation.

I also composed a few other documents for some things, I had some photos printed of me off my photo bucket for the reason of sending home tend to relatives with the documents incase I’m injured soon as well, so family, loved ones and others can have photos of me. I also plan to retake my dam photo yet again soon 

Moreover, I am going to mail some of these documents, and the photos to DLG, MLS, and MCG, and a few other individuals. In January Ill have 18 month’s sober, as my sobriety date remains 7-13-2007 Houston, Texas.

I also have someone whom is TG and Lesbian oritend and we might start dating she’s a post op I believe, we might be a success story, I think the attraction and some common interests are there, we plan to meet for coffee, we also are in the same age range 25-35 crowd, shes a bit older than me, Im twenty seven she is thirty three.

Onward, getting my geek on. I Purchased an at&t tilt or HTC Tytn II as its known and has gps navigation hsdpa, 3g, wifi, and is an awesome windows mobie smartphone, and has the blackberry email service. And is highly hackable and has a keyboard, touchscreen, and other nifty features.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Friday, November 28, 2008

Had a wonderful meeting at our-lady of safeway this morning. Had a wonderfull speaker. I changed some code on my website and have some thoughts and thinking about where to go now?

I also have been working on a few other things, I destroyed my outdated Louisiana and Texas ID and documents as I no longer have any need for such things, I moved on and my sponsor is proud of the closure I found.

I awoke about 2am this morning, and cleaned up and groomed and things like that. I also updated some files on the server. The best way I can bring closue to my right wing christen past, is to let go of transgressions in Texas, Houston, New Orleans and move onward.

Things come quickly, sometimes slowly.

Gratuide List
1.) Grateful about my job prospect
2.) Grateful about my friends, and support
3.) Grateful about being alive
4.) Grateful to be able
5.) Grateful to be sober

The list
1.) Mail / post office
2.) Mail photos home
3.) Call friend
4.) Meeting
5.) Send resume out to employers
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thursday, November 27, 2008


Slept well last night, awoke early this morning. Not as early as a planned, I continue to grow as an individual does. I continue to grow this Thanksgiving Day, what am I thank full for.
1.) Escaping Mormonism
2.) Escaping religion
3.) Hormones / transition
4.) My income
5.) My family
6.) My sponsor
7.) Escaping and moving on from Texas.
8.) Life
9.) Being alive
10.) Health



Im just doing ok
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Slept ok last night, the SF weekly has a great article, which I summarized in this email to my father, and MLS. Border Crossers Long rap sheet? No problem. Transgender Latina hookers in S.F. are successfully fighting deportation by asking for asylum.
http://www.sfweekly.com/2008-11-26/news/border-crossers/

i Thought you might find this article amusing, given I lived in Texas
and visited southern border towns and even at one point in Houston
moonlighted as a coyote, and bounder and loan shark enforcer. In addition, did
encounter some transgender individual’s trying to get to
California. For asylum. I know how dangerous san Francisco and even
made a few trips here and to la to deliver money orders (easier to
transport in a briefcase for flying) when I drink I hang around shady
charters, and given my battiness that really comes out.

I don’t drink and thank god I never got caught, and retired from
illegal activity's, one time in Texas I was detained, and jailed to
check us because I had 9,500 (just under IRS and Federal
justistriction) dollars on me. the serial numbers were not marked and
had a good reliable lie and was real eased and my truck ordered re
lased from storage where it was searched.

Furthermore, I have been working a good program, The best way I can let go of the past is not to worry about it and grow. And quit bitching about san franciscos flaws. Furthermore, I need to grow as a person, had a good 7am meeting at the San Francisco Alano club.

This morning on the bus, a disgusting dirty nasty bum of a guyguy fondled me and got promptly told off on me and attempted to pickpocket me, and also tried to again to get in my purse, what a disgust the city has become, talked to Ming this morning for a bit. She really thinks highly of me as a TS woman, we also have someone we are tolerant toward, but both do not like.

Spoke to MS, MLS, DLG, TB, RH, TW, VS, WF, and I am very worried about RAP, phones disconnected, mom was sick, but not much I can do for RAP. I also spoke to DT and discussed and she confirmed about such a bad idea to go back to Louisiana to move in with CE, I have sealed my fate and roots in San Francisco. I have thought at some point after I get my shit straight I might move to LA or NYC (Big cities do it for me) but I am equality happy in small towns which san Francisco is urban like NYC, but a small townies feel. However, not charm.

Sent off my resume to macys have a contact which might get my foot in the door networking trying again. Maybe I have a lack of effort or ethics, or just am a bit down with my search. The economy stinks to high hell right now.

I miss rocking to Led Zeppelin, Patsy Cline, or Johnny cash tailgating on a Saturday night in a field, utility corridor, or pasture in Texas. I’d love to retire, or if I ever have a partner return someplace to Texas, I’ve wanted a ranch, but that’s many years down the road maybe I’d make a rural boot camp for Trainwomen for substance abuse.

I am glad we saved the San Francisco ROTC I believe discipline builds charters, and stupid labial see it as recruitment for armed services to kids. Some folks become police officers, fire fighters not all join to go to Iraq.
Why
id a PR nightmare, the thing the church hates most is unwanted negative attention, I read today the supreme court. ch is not to say I’m liberal, I’m moderate, swing, independent voter, whom likes greens, civil libertarians, and in pedant elected officials not right wing nut jobs, or democrats also known in my mouth as “demoCRAPs”

This is not to say I will not vote for a democrat. I just don’t have any party, religion or anything run my life these days, its why I like the Quakers, UU’s, and AA and 12-step programs. It also hurts me to see how much the Mormon / LDS church hurt prop 8.



Spoke to CP today and have some work to do for some projects I am working on.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Slept ok last night, the SF weekly has a great article, which I summarized in this email to my father, and MLS.
Border Crossers Long rap sheet? No problem. Transgender Latina hookers in S.F. are successfully fighting deportation by asking for asylum.
http://www.sfweekly.com/2008-11-26/news/border-crossers/

i Thought you might find this article amusing, given I lived in Texas
and visited southern border towns and even at one point in Houston
moonlighted as a coyote, and bounder and loan shark enforcer. In addition, did
encounter some transgender individual’s trying to get to
California. For asylum. I know how dangerous san Francisco and even
made a few trips here and to la to deliver money orders (easier to
transport in a briefcase for flying) when I drink I hang around shady
charters, and given my battiness that really comes out.

I don’t drink and thank god I never got caught, and retired from
illegal activity's, one time in Texas I was detained, and jailed to
check us because I had 9,500 (just under IRS and Federal
justistriction) dollars on me. the serial numbers were not marked and
had a good reliable lie and was real eased and my truck ordered re
lased from storage where it was searched.

Furthermore, I have been working a good program, The best way I can let go of the past is not to worry about it and grow. And quit bitching about san franciscos flaws. Furthermore, I need to grow as a person, had a good 7am meeting at the San Francisco Alano club.

This morning on the bus, a disgusting dirty nasty bum of a guyguy fondled me and got promptly told off on me and attempted to pickpocket me, and also tried to again to get in my purse, what a disgust the city has become, talked to Ming this morning for a bit. She really thinks highly of me as a TS woman, we also have someone we are tolerant toward, but both do not like.

Spoke to MS, MLS, DLG, TB, RH, TW, VS, WF, and I am very worried about RAP, phones disconnected, mom was sick, but not much I can do for RAP. I also spoke to DT and discussed and she confirmed about such a bad idea to go back to Louisiana to move in with CE, I have sealed my fate and roots in San Francisco. I have thought at some point after I get my shit straight I might move to LA or NYC (Big cities do it for me) but I am equality happy in small towns which san Francisco is urban like NYC, but a small townies feel. However, not charm.

Sent off my resume to macys have a contact which might get my foot in the door networking trying again. Maybe I have a lack of effort or ethics, or just am a bit down with my search. The economy stinks to high hell right now.


I miss rocking to Led Zeppelin, Patsy Cline, or Johnny cash tailgating on a Saturday night in a field, utility corridor, or pasture in Texas. I’d love to retire, or if I ever have a partner return someplace to Texas, I’ve wanted a ranch, but that’s many years down the road maybe I’d make a rural boot camp for Trainwomen for substance abuse.

I am glad we saved the San Francisco ROTC I believe discipline builds charters, and stupid labial see it as recruitment for armed services to kids. Some folks become police officers, fire fighters not all join to go to Iraq.
Why
id a PR nightmare, the thing the church hates most is unwanted negative attention, I read today the supreme court. ch is not to say I’m liberal, I’m moderate, swing, independent voter, whom likes greens, civil libertarians, and in pedant elected officials not right wing nut jobs, or democrats also known in my mouth as “demoCRAPs”

This is not to say I will not vote for a democrat. I just don’t have any party, religion or anything run my life these days, its why I like the Quakers, UU’s, and AA and 12-step programs. It also hurts me to see how much the Mormon / LDS church hurt prop 8.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

My Life, angist, feelingsGrattudie, my love of president elect obama

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Slept alas a bit different last night, a bit shaken, had one of those horrid dreams, still waiting for the appointment for the MRI & Cat scan, had a referral but the incompetent doctors lost it. I lost the paper work also doesn’t show up in the computer, the frustration builds, Ill discuss this in the next week when I go to Lyon Martin.
Furthermore, my bitching rant about bible thumping christen(s) upset some individuals possibly, cried a lot this morning, over someone who cared I hurt, and then left. I also cried a lot because the nightmare I don’t remember.
Moreover, I attended a wonderful meeting at the San Francisco Alano Club this morning; I also did some coding for a web2.0 version of my site, and other sites. I sent off a few copies of my resume, I need make a note next week to FEDEX documents to DLG, and pick them up from POS/MS near second and Townsend.
I have a confessional, I control my nightmares and stop dreaming by how I position myself sometimes when I go to sleep, the pain I have in my heart are bad, of my actions in Houston, My shame towards the Church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints, my anger toward my parents.
My distancing self from my family. I lookfoward toward president Obama taking office, talked to a friend late last night, uh I have so much to do, took care of my finical planning for the next yet again move, and hopefully the move out of my current dump of a living situation.

Spoke to CE last night about life, love, DT also said he is a little weird and we aren’t a good match, spoke with DT as well this morning. He is selfish, and controlling and has all my defects of charter which I am working to overcome.
It sickens me the thought of living with CE, what a fucking loser, I mean I know I could be set, but some liberal fuckjob, is not worth his bullshit, plus the fact he slept with a younger extended family member disturbs me and creeps me out that he slept with some misfit and slut. It does not meet my utter high standards.
I look forward toward president elect Obama taking office, and pray for his safety amongst racism, fascism, and right wing nut jobs daily, I hope he does not become another JFK. He sure is a peoples president.
I hope we repeal prop eight, and also get the original version of EDNA the employment non discrimination act passed under the leadership of Obama, and gender identity inclusive federal civil rights.

I had some creepy dunk bums taunt me, and expose them selves to me this morning on the way to the meeting. I might go make a report at the mission substation after today if I go to night noon or go get lunch later than to the mission library to get some work done someplace Zen.

The reason I didn’t call SFPD is I think the area fell under the justistration of the northern police district which the nicer areas include some of the most powerful and far right-wing districts politically , and as a result I believe, some of the officers in that patrol sector don’t always treat me fairly, and sadly I am afraid to call for service, I made a complaint about that, and its where I had my infamous event in Jan. 2008, where I witnessed the blue wall of silence, and saw seven officers walk away from a old fart officer who had way more stripes and lucky for me, I speak redneck and pleaded not to hurt me which May have saved me from some trumped up charges and a severe beating.





The List
1.) Mailbox
2.) Talk to FK
3.) Umbrella
4.) Lunch sort of
5.) Send resume off
6.)

Gratitude List
1.) That president elect Obama will be taking office soon
2.) That those nut jobs who wanted to kill Obama and African Americans will rot in prison
3.) To be alive
4.) To have people who care about me, support and community
5.) To have a plan, goals and positive outlook on life
6.) To have high standards
7.)















--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Monday, November 24, 2008

Monday, November 24, 2008
As I ride yonder back into San Francisco, The city that bill o; reilly says that if” " terrostists want to bomb America under Obama’s rule they should bomb san Francisco”.

Which just goes to show how much of a change we need, and how change hurts and helps America, and we continue to grow as an individual. furthermore I grow as a young woman. I bought myself a Christmas present an AT&T tilt mobile phone, after mass a new laptop might be in order.
Further showing how I grow as a young woman. But keep my geek on.

I think being out, proud makes a difference. I think the reason I blog so personality, uncensored is sort of like why Obama won, change, the desire and need for such change, and growth, I want to show the world what a better place and not all TG folks are so bad.

Being a christen, and my utterly high standards and former Latter day saint values some of which I still keep despite the fact I no longer am affiliated with the Mormon or LDS church, But my refusal; to believe in a god, faith or denomination, cult or sect. shows a lot about me as an individual, how I have grown and where I need to grow as a person and my straights, weakness, and areas for improvement.

But I think the religious christen right, has much to grow and start doing things it actually teaches in the bible, for example the radical right wing christen religups right, not just including the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints, but also the catholic church, the christen and the radical imitate christen skinhead, white power movement needs to take a hard look at their hate.

For example bill O’reillys interview showed homeless drug addictions, transsexual prostusites, it didn’t focus on good transsexual individuals, it didn’t cover the brutal murder of a sister that was hurt in the Sacramento river which we mourned this Transgender Day of Remembrance.

Anyway enough bitching about christen right wing nut jobs.

the point is the christan religous right toook away my rights with prop 8, im glad obama is in office, not mcsame
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Monday, November 24, 2008
As I ride yonder back into San Francisco, The city that bill o; reilly says that if” " terrostists want to bomb America under Obama’s rule they should bomb san Francisco”.

Which just goes to show how much of a change we need, and how change hurts and helps America, and we continue to grow as an individual. furthermore I grow as a young woman. I bought myself a Christmas present an AT&T tilt mobile phone, after mass a new laptop might be in order.
Further showing how I grow as a young woman. But keep my geek on.

I think being out, proud makes a difference. I think the reason I blog so personality, uncensored is sort of like why Obama won, change, the desire and need for such change, and growth, I want to show the world what a better place and not all TG folks are so bad.

Being a christen, and my utterly high standards and former Latter day saint values some of which I still keep despite the fact I no longer am affiliated with the Mormon or LDS church, But my refusal; to believe in a god, faith or denomination, cult or sect. shows a lot about me as an individual, how I have grown and where I need to grow as a person and my straights, weakness, and areas for improvement.

But I think the religious christen right, has much to grow and start doing things it actually teaches in the bible, for example the radical right wing christen religups right, not just including the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints, but also the catholic church, the christen and the radical imitate christen skinhead, white power movement needs to take a hard look at their hate.

For example bill O’reillys interview showed homeless drug addictions, transsexual prostusites, it didn’t focus on good transsexual individuals, it didn’t cover the brutal murder of a sister that was hurt in the Sacramento river which we mourned this Transgender Day of Remembrance.

Anyway enough bitching about christen right wing nut jobs.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

progress and finding zen and the art of motorcycles

Monday, November 24, 2008

The reality of life is as I ride Bart this morning, I grow more as a young woman. I have good, bad and ugly sets of life experiences to grow upon. I continue to make my weekly treks for my doctor’s appointment to Oakland for transition related work, and to Berkeley for the injuries I incurred while being a wild 24,25, 26 year old party club girl.

In that Process, I hurt some wonderful individuals, other trans-women and have some shame about that. I also came to believe, that the growth of my past transgressions, my father says I am a “brave individual” to be going forward with transition daily, I get missed, and mamed more and more.

I hate all the Trans chases, and the word tranny, it’s disgusting to us as women, and degrading much as nigga, or nigger is for African American individuals in the rap culture. Furthermore, stating my utterly high standards of whom I choose to associate with.

Furthermore, I grow daily as an individual perhaps, if and when and if I ever do return to Texas, It will be under more indel- cirmstances. Il have my shit together. Nevertheless, I’ve always dreamed of the city of angels, or Portland, or Seattle.

I as a woman, have goals to achieve to get out of disgusting, lazy, bum city, san Francisco. Some could argue I am a bum, but I made hard choices, I lost my truck by choice, I lost my house in Harvey, LA. I walked away from a lot and took a trip based on faith and the so called California dream

Nevertheless, I dislike being packed into the nation’s most populous state, seeing the drunks, bums, junkies, and other ultra disgusting things that are accepted in the city and county of San Francisco. I dislike having to watch out for some dumb junkie who left their needle out.

I dislike being crammed into a closet. San Francisco serves my needs at the present. The right choices are not always the easiest ones. The reality of life serves me well and my life experiences.

In addition I still have dreams of living in Montana, or Wyoming.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Friday, November 21, 2008

life and progress not prefection

Monday, November 17, 2008

Had a good meeting this morning, was very productive and progressive, continue to grow as an individual and prosper as a young woman. I also slept well, very well and had shiny happy dreams last night.
Have a busy Super Tuesday ahead and much to achieve, preformed some planning tonight and I continue to grow as a woman, and prosper as an individual. My life has meaning, I called my father today, and apologized, and will continue to respect Martin Cark Gatemen’s wishes and respect his boundaries even if it hurts me, or isn’t what I want.
I have an appointment pending with a client in the east bay in the next few weeks. I also have much to achieve in myself.

Furthermore, I preformed some planning tonight for my next goals and steps in life as I trudge the road to recovery from my self-distortive actions which being an adult I am taking accountability for even though not easy.

Had lunch with Mike Burkett today was interesting slightly. I also,
11-19-2008

Slept well last night, awoke early this morning. Cleaned up have a few projects to work on today not much happening. Some chick where I live left her purse not secure and someone ripped her off. Furthermore, I have been thinking about something.

My outburst or two, at the marina dock, the Castro country club, and with the Houston Transgender Community is wrong, I don’t always have emotional sobriety, I’m scared, I find in my hunt to reform my life, I would not ask for help from some individuals I don’t want to have contact with, or individuals which I don’t want to harm further.

I’ve decided to cut more ties in San Francisco even as painful as it is, and maybe more harmful to me, I don’t at this point desire to see christen, or others and cretin groups, originations and places Ill cut back from while she’s here.

Moreover, the best way to make amends in zero contact and to live and let die. The medication and my HRT is helping deal with some of my trauma, and PTSD. Nevertheless, I’m unhappy in this queer Mecca, I feel so alone, it would be nice to have a warm bed to sleep in of my own without the bullshit.

Gratitude List
1.) To have possible plans and backup plans for thanksgiving. (if not I always manage to amuse myself)
2.) To be sober as of 7-13-2007
3.) To be working on my anger

11-20-2008

A young lady last night had her purse stolen by selfish folks woke up at 1130, slept till 4am, than continued to grow, I was pissed about being woken up for bullshit, but , I was careless once and did the same thing sort of.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Slept very well last night I continue to grow as an individual. I use to grow as a person. I’ve been thinking of my courses I plan to take at city collage
1.) Intro to criminal justice
2.) Computer Science ------- primary goal engineering computers
3.) Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Studies
4.) Network Administration
5.) A preparation for the A+ Computer exam
6.) A Preparation for Linux / UNIX Certification
7.) A Preparation for a Cisco certification
8.) Graphic Design / digital art / drafting digital
9.) Into to Photography
10.) Preparation for Journalism

My plan is eventual become fit for corporate security, or as a network admin/ web developer. Furthermore, I grow more and more. Or work in Local Law Enforcement as a computer crimes specialist, I do not think I am fit to be a beat cop nor want to get my head blown off.

Or possibly work for non profits the main focus is IT but to diversify some of my classes to make me more valuable, and continue education as IT professionals must often do. So I can work in different industries and eventfully freelance like sp0rked

Moreover I continue to grow as a person The truth as an individual and others prejudice, and judgment, sometimes un-knowingly, hurts me. I was a bit sad last night, perhaps I should be more assertive in myself.

Furthermore, I have been thinking about my actions, the holidays are upcoming and I now have thanksgiving plans I continue to grow as a person, and individual, I grow more as a person, and continue to prosper.

Furthermore, I did this to myself, and face the consequences of my actions. I’m a tough person, hard as nails my father quotes me as “being incredibly brave for going through my life the way I am” I wasn’t always this way, Katrina, my abuse in Houston, my sobriety, lambda center, and my therapist made me who I am today.
It makes me happy my father thinks of me as a Brave, and noble individual.
Who am I today?
I am brave, strong, a patriot to my country, independent, adventurous, hard worker, kind, chartable, give service, butch, femme, open minded, moderate , independent politically, old fashioned, christen, spiritual, alive, full of sprit.

Furthermore, I grow as a person, I continue to grow as a person.


The List
1.) Laundry
2.) Meeting
3.) Work
4.) E-mail
5.) Copy documents and mail to RH
6.) FAX Documents to DLG
7.) Update will, copy and mail, and file
8.) Update medical power of atty copy, mail and file
9.) Meditate
10.) R&r


Gratitude List
1.) That I am a brave person.
2.) That I am alive
3.) That I have friends, and people who care about me
4.) That I am true to myself as an individual
5.) That I am pretty
6.) That I am sober
7.) That I am making living amends to those I harmed by backing down and staying away
8.) That I can respect my fathers boundaries
9.) That I am alive that I have friends in Houston, New Orleans, San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, Austin, and Dallas, and Baton Rouge
10.) That I have a program
m--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Sunday, November 16, 2008
Slept well, last night, awoke about 1am this morning, was alas a bit lazy. Rolled over took some more sleep in given I have a busy week upcoming. Dreamed about soaring down the California coast line on a motorcycle, and driving a bmw 5- series convertible.
Furthermore, I have two engagements today one with the Center Women Present, the other with As Bill CC’s IT Motorcycle group at the Alano Club which I am proudly once a member again.
Yesterday I went to the 24th and Florida fellowship and saw some drunk bum, make is hot Irish coffee in a fucking aa meeting.
Furthermore, I saw someone whom I put up there in my top 10 resentments about a month ago at the San Francisco Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center. Which I also found out my recent surge in my blogging is due to well individuals using my blog, and private intimate thoughts which I post publicly so in case I’m ever hurt or die or have a hate crime committed against me.
My family, friends, and those who care know what happened to me, or how I was feeling up to my end. It’s a safety net, and how I grow as a person.
Note to lawenfrocement: stay off my site, I am exercising my freedom of speech. My Informant in The Houston GLBTQ Community told me about your reading of my blog
I looked a place down in Bayview Hunters Point yesterday near the T line, It seemed ok, a queer, lesbian, Trans, gay frat house called the mansion.
Furthermore I am continuing to grow, and prosper, for example I found out that I don’t really like people. But yesterday I was less of a bitch, and selfish and was of service to a homeless Individual IN an AA meeting.
I also this morning after taking care of some banking matters, need to go to COSTCO and pickup crap for the potluck. I continue to grow, and be more of service, and less self centered, attention-whoreish, and less of a stuck up Barbie bitch.
Furthermore I marched yesterday in the protest to California’s Prop 8 to ban GLBTQ Marriage, and also may do something for Day Of Remembrance, I don’t go to such events typically Icebound, I might go to the movies alone, see W or Milk when it comes out.
This Friday, I made a complaint to the San Francisco Police Commission Office of citizen complains formally about my hate and problems out of the northern destruct station; we will see where the can of worms gets opened.

Had a good meeting this morning talked about my anger and resentment, and issues to why I had to leave Texas. If I had not left people would not have forgiven me, I left to start over and learn to move on when the problem was within, I just need to back the fuck off and let things be, live or let die.

The resentment and anger and why I can’t leave a certin individual alone, is due to my shame, guilt and remorse, I hurt a friend that tried to help me and I know cares about me, Im happy in san Francisco but miss having a life, truck, and home.

Gratitude List
1.) Know that my tough girl aptitude is a sign of fear, anger and resentment
2.) Know that my life is going to continue to become better
3.) Glad to be sober today
4.) Glad to have a program
5.) Glad to be able to let go of resentments
6.) Glad to be able to move on in life
7.) Glad to be alive
8.) Glad to have food, clothing, shelter, money in the bank
9.) Glad to be myself and self accepting
10.) Glad to be young, bold and beautiful.


The List
1.) Meeting at the Alano club
2.) Banking
3.) Pickup food for Alano club 3rd year birthday event
4.) Go to brunch with center women present
5.) Mail documents to Louisiana Dept of Treasury for unclaimed property
6.) Write e-mail to ray hill whom I look up to as another role model in my life
7.) Write letter to MLS & DLG.
8.) Perform engagements for clients
9.) Mail documents
10.) Send fax



Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Slept well last night I continue to grow as an individual and young woman. My sponsor wants me to compose a document in ten sentences about resentment, my biggest fear and resentment is my bad blood between Christen Williams and others in Houston. There is a lot of shame, fear, anger, and self hatred.

I talked to My Father Martin Clark Gaetjens Yestedray and sent him a letter
“Dear Dad,

I forgot to mention that I do remember my mom, you and I hugging in the kitchen, I also have some odd childhood memories which don’t make since, and when you tell me that it makes me angry.
II wanted to tell you why I am so angry at you. I for obvious reasons am angry I did not grow up in California, I feel you failed me as a father, I also feel I was used and am angry at my mother as well. The foster care folks had some inclination that was Transgender, I also Hughie did also I was thought from a young age it was wrong. My mother has a lot to blame to.
You are getting older I want to know you on the phone you are a bit of a mystery to me, I think we have some common political views, I want to have a life with you at some point. I would like to go to family therapy, even if you pick the therapist, or at the pacific center in Berkeley, which I have some ties to as well, I love Berkeley.
I do have some memories of you and my mom fighting, and some things in the city of san Francisco with my mom and a few on Bart when I was tiny.

I don’t want to burden you or your new life or family, I am working on getting housed, I worked for a while for the DNC and the Obama campaign, I voted democrat for the first time in my life for a presidential election which I’ve been voting séance 2000.
I am working on finding a regular place, I have some documents which I am sending to martie, dan, and yiu which is a standard f care if I am injured with be rural requirements care for me due to being transgender, as well as a updated copy of my will.
I carry these documents due to violence against transgender women under 30 is not uncommon, I’ve also had over $5000 worth of Electro Hair removal preformed. I’ve been on Hormones as of 2005. I also know right now my life is a stressful and unmanageable.
I walked away from an apartment, a lot of my belongings due to needed to start over, I need the structure oof the shelters until the thing Im waiting for comes through, maybe some day I can tell you storys of some of the sick, sad and shameful things I have witnessed here. Nevertheless, I must remain humble to be successful.
I could get a room downtown in the Tenderloin, but being a prior domestic violence victim, and hate crime and being raped as well as hurting others, I need better. Nevertheless, I’m safe. I also have a leased mini storage and my truck outside the city which martie has info on, If I’m ever injured, killed or in a coma, I don’t want to be
I recently filed a report to the San Francisco Police Office of Citizen complaints due to some mistreatment when I lived with an ex in the Fillmore I was mugged and SFPD made racist, sexist, and trans-phobic remarks. I named names, and told my story to Internal Affairs.

I have lived a wonderful life, I met famous GLBT activist Ray Hill who runs the prisonshow.org on KPFT which is an affiliate of KPFA Pacifica Radio, whom is 50 years sober in Jan and a huge part of my story(the same ray hill in Houston VS Hill US Supreme court case) I met Famous Transsexual Layer Phyllis Frye, I met Mr. Lawrence as In Lawrence vs. Texas the first time I was in a gay bar drinking in 2005.

Furthermore I have met a few of the presidential canates on both parties, I’ve met Kinky Freeman, and campaigned for him, and voted for him, I’ve met Ralph Nader, Jessie Ventura, The elder bush, Clinton (Bill, Hilary, and Chelsea), I also met opera, dr Phil, I survived the largest natural disaster and engineering disaster in US History.
I met Mitt Romney, Allen Keys, John Kerry, I met many folks when I was a catering driver, and worked in a diner, a pizza driver, newspaper carrier. On the other hand, when evil wal-mart sent me to Louisiana, Texas, and across the US to do recovery work.
I am policaltly active with office work, I worked on the NO on prop 8, I still keep some of my Latter Day Saint roots. I have worked in the Equity Texas office, Pride Houston, Equity California, San Francisco PRIDE. I’ve been to PFLAG. I went door to door for Kinky.
I also have ties to a group called affirmation which is GLBTQ Mormons that have come out.

Katrina Made me a stronger person, 9-11 is personal to me due to my mother died shortly afterwards.I want you to try to get to know me, at some point, I walked away from a House, Truck, and other things to be happy and to make sure I have protections and equal rights, I messed up my life and almost died
I’ve had some interviews a one at Macys, one at best buy, one for Waldron House as an employee, another at Larkin Street Youth services as an employee. I’m writing to to make sure That I am not cut up and burred as a man, that’s my fear, Ill be ok, I shared with you my struggles and scrafances, and sorry for what I said about you, your wife, and other stuff.

I wanted to congratee you on your sobriety, it would be helpful if I could know your date, I also wanted to tell you the half hour we spent on church street is what I needed, I was really depressed and wanted to see you, it helped me more than you know.

7-13-2007 sobriety date.

I love you your daughter leigh


I ate good had to listen to some idiots talk about pot, sex, drugs and other bullshit and riff raff this morning, awoke at 1am, out by 4am, took care of business. Half ass got ready. Took care of life. Have food, clothing and slelter.

Loooked at a place recently, and met with my sponsor this morning, doing aa homework and other stuff today.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, November 16, 2008

progress and finding zen and the art of motorcycles

Sunday, November 16, 2008
Slept well, last night, awoke about 1am this morning, was alas a bit lazy. Rolled over took some more sleep in given I have a busy week upcoming. Dreamed about soaring down the California coast line on a motorcycle, and driving a bmw 5- series convertible.
Furthermore, I have two engagements today one with the Center Women Present, the other with As Bill CC’s IT Motorcycle group at the Alano Club which I am proudly once a member again.
Yesterday I went to the 24th and Florida fellowship and saw some drunk bum, make is hot Irish coffee in a fucking aa meeting.
Furthermore, I saw someone whom I put up there in my top 10 resentments about a month ago at the San Francisco Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center. Which I also found out my recent surge in my blogging is due to well individuals using my blog, and private intimate thoughts which I post publicly so in case I’m ever hurt or die or have a hate crime committed against me.
My family, friends, and those who care know what happened to me, or how I was feeling up to my end. It’s a safety net, and how I grow as a person.
Note to lawenfrocement: stay off my site, I am exercising my freedom of speech. My Informant in The Houston GLBTQ Community told me about your reading of my blog
I looked a place down in Bayview Hunters Point yesterday near the T line, It seemed ok, a queer, lesbian, Trans, gay frat house called the mansion.
Furthermore I am continuing to grow, and prosper, for example I found out that I don’t really like people. But yesterday I was less of a bitch, and selfish and was of service to a homeless Individual IN an AA meeting.
I also this morning after taking care of some banking matters, need to go to COSTCO and pickup crap for the potluck. I continue to grow, and be more of service, and less self centered, attention-whoreish, and less of a stuck up Barbie bitch.
Furthermore I marched yesterday in the protest to California’s Prop 8 to ban GLBTQ Marriage, and also may do something for Day Of Remembrance, I don’t go to such events typically Icebound, I might go to the movies alone, see W or Milk when it comes out.
This Friday, I made a complaint to the San Francisco Police Commission Office of citizen complains formally about my hate and problems out of the northern destruct station; we will see where the can of worms gets opened.

Had a good meeting this morning talked about my anger and resentment, and issues to why I had to leave Texas. If I had not left people would not have forgiven me, I left to start over and learn to move on when the problem was within, I just need to back the fuck off and let things be, live or let die.

The resentment and anger and why I can’t leave a certin individual alone, is due to my shame, guilt and remorse, I hurt a friend that tried to help me and I know cares about me, Im happy in san Francisco but miss having a life, truck, and home.

Grattuide List
1.) Know that my tough girl attuide is a sign of fear, anger and resenement
2.) Know that my life is going to continue to become better
3.) Glad to be sober today
4.) Glad to have a program
5.) Glad to be able to let go of resentments
6.) Glad to be able to move on in life
7.) Glad to be alive
8.) Glad to have food, clothing, shelter, money in the bank
9.) Glad to be myself and self accepting
10.) Glad to be young, bold and beautiful.


The List
1.) Meeting at the Alano club
2.) Banking
3.) Pickup food for Alano club 3rd year birthday event
4.) Go to brunch with center women present
5.) Mail documents to Louisiana Dept of Tresuary for unclaimed property
6.) Write e-mail to ray hill whom I look up to as another role model in my life
7.) Write letter to MLS & DLG.
8.) Perform engagements for clients
9.) Mail documents
10.) Send fax
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Thursday, November 13, 2008
Slept well last night, doing laundry today, also going to work on brining LEEMCG.COM up to the new server and make a custom 404 error page. Im reinstalling some of the server modules, and extensions. I also have to bring up a few other things
I talked to Clair Fairly, and saw Jenna, at the TLGB center; I also spoke to someone and have a follow up leads to do. I worked on some issues with my program, I need to get out more and around, and will start working on that. I found something possibly a 3rd love interest in San Francisco, I don’t want to get my heart broken again, I’ll take things slower this time, without the U-Haul Metaphorically speaking.
Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual, my heart is in Information Tech, but Non Profits are where I want to be or a civil servant. I admire those who serve the public trust, and do good deeds where a lot of need is to be done in San Francisco.
I’ve managed to dodge some of the common pitfalls some individuals make here off and on, But continue to grow, after laundry today I have a drop or two to make as well. I also have other things I need to do at POS, and issues and logistics to iron out.
Moreover, I need to be less outgoing and annoying, and also work on my social issues, and trauma, and pain and agony in my heart. Somewhat I am reluctant to let go of manners, it’s what keeps me motive and such a hard worker and push myself so hard.
I think I am going to start volunteering someplace, and I took an orientation someplace, I also have some files to back up as well (Think DVD-R & DVD+RW)
Furthermore, I have been thinking of life, myself and where I want to be in a few years, I am going to cut some areas out but also keep some, I’ve also thought of some finical matters, and my fathers hatred of me, but also love, even if obscure.
I have séance moved on, I have been having much delight in my progress with my electrosist whom has been working wonders, I have about half way where I need to be and it helps a lot,
I also am tired of facing persuction, based on other TG folks actions, demeanor and hate and think most transgender folks in this city have other issues to iron out, and showing your 5 o’clock shadow is fucking disgusting.
For example threes this one girl whom we dislike each other dearly, she pisses like a fucking man in a women’s bathroom, in public city government owned building and I have witnessed her do this many times before , private that’s just fucking nasty and disgusting. One time I was shaken down due to something she did in a public building and proudly displayed my F Drivers License to a law enforcement officer that was responding to complaints of “men dressed as women harassing in the bathroom”
Whom this officer, took me for a “witness lineup” which I was cleared of doing “obscene sexual acts ”and committing “criminal trespass” and “various sex crimes” the fact that SFPD hates TG folks or some of them do, I don’t blame them for stereotypes, given the trash they have to put up with.
If I was a cop, Id problem just be as pissed off with queers, trans-women, homeless and all the shit SFPD has to put up with in bay view, the tenderloin, hunters point, the mission and just law enforcement bullshit amongst them selves, and as a cop day to day. Its why I like cops in general, seriously I would love to date a really butch cop.
But I’m always nice, and avoid law enforcement interactions as much as humanly possible, and they for the most part respect me, and I’ve been told by one sometimes “bad things happen to nice good people”
Its interesting and fascinates me to see the generation gap in Law Enforcement and how the treat and deal with Transgender women, we are lucky to have someone as the president of the police commission such as commissioner sparks which by the way is a Trans-woman. Whom I bump into on occasion, on the street, in the Castro, pacific heights, and even inside a police station when I was filing a report or going to with someone to file a report as a friend of bill Wilson
Another Example of disgusting transgender behavior, is voice pitch, demeanor, and mannerisms, it’s no wonder this disgusting woman or so called woman, who had a drug and drinking problem and violates he body by having sex with men.
I don’t understand how (pre-op) Transgender women could disgustingly sleep with yuck Boys, I have my orientation but Like trans-men, at least we have something in common, and trans-women (post-ops) and women. Nevertheless, I do not use women’s places of scanty nor have I ever sold my body, nor done illegal drugs.
The other point is when I drink or go out there which today is sixteen months as of 7-13-2007 when desperate for a solution I walked into the doors of Lambda Center in Houston, Texas. Furthermore, It’s a mile stone one day at a time, this January I will have 18 months sober, and also be celebrating my twenty eighth natal birthday.
Furthermore, I have not had any nightmares but have a topic to discuss with my therapist today regarding my Post-Traumatic Stress. I have an issue to discuss with her about something I noticed about myself and a way to relax and some part of my trauma that’s affecting my day to day life.
I have a love interest possibly, that’s puzzling me and how that relates to my recovery more about this later.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be alive
2.) Grateful to have folks with something in common, and my our lady of safe way fellowship
3.) Grateful to be myself
4.) Grateful to be in San Francisco
5.) Grateful to be emotionally secure
6.) Grateful to have a sponsor
7.) Grateful to have food, clothing, shelter and money in the bank
8.) Grateful to have my basic needs met
9.) Grateful to be in control of my life
10.) Grateful to be secure in myself

The list
1.) Meeting
2.) Do homework
3.) Make mental note to acquire file cabinet for space
4.) Make note to FedEx items to DLG plus X-Mass Gifts
5.) Laundry
6.) Perform research for clients
7.) Continue to grow and let people in
8.) Pray to my own personal goddess
9.) Write letter to San Francisco Chronicle
10.) Work on e-mail, website, leemcg.com, banking, payments, improving my life

It also soon marks a 6 months séance becoming legally female, in some retrospects, and other mannerisms. I still have a long way to go. In addition, going legit is hard; I see why the power, money, fortune, fame, and my sickness is what got me here.

By golly! I would not have it any other way for I am Leigh McInnis Gaetjens
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Sunday, November 09, 2008
Slept rather well, awoke last night in one of my obscure dreams, but was not bad, just a bit twisted. I than got up around 1:30 out of bed by 2 am, cleaned up showered for about an half hour did my stretch workout routine, before 3am, than did my hygiene and grooming.
I dreamed of driving professionally, I dreamed of driving some freight from the port of the city of angels, to space city and making amends and being welcomed this is many years down the road from reality but still a distant possibility to become able to achieve one again if I remain on the straight and narrow path in life.
Furthermore, I’ve been thinking of what I want to discuss with LR Next week, and I have some past due homework to work on today, I sent off four resume and cover sheets yesterday to two non profits, one nonprofit that resells tech stuff, that’s off lease from corporate clients, who is like a broker in a call center. I also sent a few off for working with kids.
Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual and will follow up with Larkin Street Youth Services with the interview I had. The economy stinks, and the cost of living I am watching rise in San Francisco become even worse, fuel costs remain lower than but not as low as my youth.
Moreover, recently I’ve been thinking of my relatshionship with my father whom happens to live in San Francisco. My father and I in adult hood and lacking in childhood have a rocky relationship, and lacking, we are completely different people, and individuals with different backgrounds, beliefs, though we do share some common viewpoints.
I would like to get to know my father he is becoming older, Martin Clark Gaetjens, is a bit of a mysterious to me, and I would like to get to know him before, he dies, which happens one day as Gavin Newsom says ”whither we like it or not, it’s going to happen”.
The point is I do not with my father to remain a dark chapter in my life; my father is I’m sure a good person such as myself whom made some mistakes. He’s pretty cool with me well, being me the problem is more so my angry at Him and myself and lash out at him as I usually do.
I continue to grow as a person, and well as an individual. I realized I’m selfish, and cold-hearted and empty inside. The best thing my father told me is its ok to be angry, and upset, I was too my first few years, I want to invite him to a birthday party maybe with his new wife when I turn two years.
I got hit on by a guy this morning whom grabbed my arm, I also had a rude obnchodis despite guy in star bucks make a pass at me,





Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I am alive
2.) Grateful to have friends, and family and people that care about me.
3.) Grateful to have food, clothing and shelter.
4.) Grateful to be alive
5.) Grateful yeah
6.) Grateful
7.)

The list
1.) Send thank you cards
2.) Make x-mass plans, and thanksgiving plans
3.) Send out resume, and applications
4.) Prepare for availed
5.) Apply for full time work
6.) Send out resume
7.) Replace phone charger
8.)

--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Slept rather well, awoke last night in one of my obscure dreams, but was not bad, just a bit twisted. I than got up around 1:30 out of bed by 2 am, cleaned up showered for about an half hour did my stretch workout routine, before 3am, than did my hygiene and grooming.
I dreamed of driving professionally, I dreamed of driving some freight from the port of the city of angels, to space city and making amends and being welcomed this is many years down the road from reality but still a distant possibility to become able to achieve one again if I remain on the straight and narrow path in life.
Furthermore, I’ve been thinking of what I want to discuss with LR Next week, and I have some past due homework to work on today, I sent off four resume and cover sheets yesterday to two non profits, one nonprofit that resells tech stuff, that’s off lease from corporate clients, who is like a broker in a call center. I also sent a few off for working with kids.
Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual and will follow up with Larkin Street Youth Services with the interview I had. The economy stinks, and the cost of living I am watching rise in San Francisco become even worse, fuel costs remain lower than but not as low as my youth.
Moreover, recently I’ve been thinking of my relatshionship with my father whom happens to live in San Francisco. My father and I in adult hood and lacking in childhood have a rocky relationship, and lacking, we are completely different people, and individuals with different backgrounds, beliefs, though we do share some common viewpoints.
I would like to get to know my father he is becoming older, Martin Clark Gaetjens, is a bit of a mysterious to me, and I would like to get to know him before, he dies, which happens one day as Gavin Newsom says ”whither we like it or not, it’s going to happen”.
The point is I do not with my father to remain a dark chapter in my life; my father is I’m sure a good person such as myself whom made some mistakes. He’s pretty cool with me well, being me the problem is more so my angry at Him and myself and lash out at him as I usually do.
I continue to grow as a person, and well as an individual. I realized I’m selfish, and cold-hearted and empty inside. The best thing my father told me is its ok to be angry, and upset, I was too my first few years, I want to invite him to a birthday party maybe with his new wife when I turn two years.
I got hit on by a guy this morning whom grabbed my arm, I also had a rude obnchodis despite guy in star bucks make a pass at me,





Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I am alive
2.) Grateful to have friends, and family and people that care about me.
3.) Grateful to have food, clothing and shelter.
4.) Grateful to be alive
5.) Grateful yeah
6.) Grateful
7.)

The list
1.) Send thank you cards
2.) Make x-mass plans, and thanksgiving plans
3.) Send out resume, and applications
4.) Prepare for availed
5.) Apply for full time work
6.) Send out resume
7.) Replace phone charger
8.)

--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Saturday, November 08, 2008

The Reality is I slept well last night, was a bit taken back ill more recently, I used to be and in someways am the most right wing, cowgirl, cigar smoking right wing nut job, but I’m a redneck and I voted for obama.

Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual, Ive been thinking about my life. I also wanted to annoce the official transfer to of the LEEMCG FAMILY OF SITES, from my old host which was outdated, and I had long out grown their services, I moved to a new ISP I did have some data lost, but Im re doing my site, and am glad to be rid of my old host.

I also am installing new server based tools, and php, applications for my server. I also am planning a San Francisco resource board, for the San Francisco Transgender community simualr to transhouston.com and trueselves.com.

Furthermore I continue to grow as an person,

Grattuide List
1.) That I am sober today and have been for almost 2 years
2.) That I have people who care about me
3.) That I am alive
4.) That I have folks whom
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Thursday, November 6, 2008

IM currently working toward some of my financial goals, and other things. I also am working with someone on a place, I also am working on a few other areas in my life. I had a good meeting with someone at the collage and more of which Ill post later.--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Slept well, awoke this morning, around 1am having to use the ladies room, got up cleaned up, went back to bed for a while than awoke and cleaned up more, have laundry this morning, and a few other chores to clumpish, they are fumigating where I live so I’m out today.
Watched the historic returns few nights ago, Obama made history, but I feel more and more bleak about the economy, jobs, cost of living,etc. Furthermore, I worry deeply about president Obama’s safety due to skinhead groups like the KKK, and other neo Nazi far right racist terrorist groups which scares me.
It is a shame, that hate is so ramped in America, as is racism, sexism, and transphobia. I truly pray to god, that Obama is safe and well protected as a president. Nevertheless, history is the best way to look at the present like the past pioneers such as Malcolm X, Martin Luther King jr, JFK, etc get hurt in office or killed fighting for your rights, and die. It concerns me that some idiot out of hate for his skin color will hurt the “peoples” president whom we the people really trusted with fresh ideology, and viewpoints elected not took the selection of the party of our choice, or can date of the lesser of two evils.
I am going to my morning meeting this morning I also have laundry to do today as well, I also have an appointment with my wonderful therapist,

Furthermore, I continue to think about the type of woman, and individual I want to be and become. Kind and loving or an utter cold hearted bitch, I dislike the latter.

Which the failure of prop 8 hurts me but some of the other City and County of San Francisco propositions and other things are doing well, and obama is going to be in the white house, and the democrats control the House and Senate. Which maybe some progress can be done and change from a young fresh viewpoint.

The List
1.) Work on info for temp agency
2.) Laundry
3.) Therpey session
4.) Copy DMV Documents and mail to DLG
5.) Rest, lots of water


Grattuide List
1.) Grateful to be sober
2.) Grateful to be alive
3.) Greateful to have a program
4.) Grateful to have food, clothing, and shelter
5.) Grateful to have a wonderful sponsor
6.) Grateful to be in San Francisco
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Talked to Tim a bit yesterday, My sponsor is in NYC, hope ray is doing ok. Went to the collage a bit today to TCB, I also had a few other matters on hand to do. Spoke to a student aid councilor, I also met with some guy today, that creped me out.

My meeting this moring was well, stil, sober, was a bit depressed yesterday delt with my shit, later.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Life in the bay area

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Slept ok met with my sponsor after the morning meeting yesterday morning. The reality of life, and where I want to go and be I continue to grow as an individual. I often wonder where I fit into the picture, and if I will ever fully recover from my trauma.

Had a coke, and a bag of jalpanio potato chips for breakfast, took my pills, uh have a doctors appointment at Lyon Martin in a few weeks, Im transferring care over there don’t have as much hobo, bullshit.
And furthermore I feel safe there. I more recently was invol.ved with someone whom I supported in her right to have an aborition. Which made me a little uncomfortable, but I think it was the right thing.

I have a doctor’s appointment in Oakland today, than might meet with a friend in Berkeley, I need to do my homework as well, Its Tuesday, and I have committed to finish this before the weekend.

I’ve been thinking of things, in January I might have a lead on a place with a lot of other queer and trans folks in Oakland for 600 a month which isn’t bad given it’s a house, and id have my own room, and they are all in their 20-somethings or early 20s which my plan is to go back to school and seek 20 hours a week work, and gradually readjust to California.

Furthermore, I plan to go back for step work to Houston, and face some of the individuals I victimized, I understand how dan white felt when we was existed and returned most likely unhappy to san Francisco and committed suicide around the time I was 5 or 6 years old the early days of my life at 4529 /. 4533 south Roman Street in New Orleans.

Given my family sold that house in 1992 or so I still miss it, it got swamped due to being in the infamous broad or but only obtained 3 feet of water inside. And was later retrofitted as a Tulane frat pad, as a house when I was in the LDS church was down the street later in my young adult hood I hung out in the houses I played with friends or otherwise as a child the big cool house with the basement over there, I miss playing in basements and urban exploration.
My night excuriouons to rooftops, tunnels, utility corridors, basements I miss in space city, Berkeley UC has some cool urban exploration opportunities.

Ive been thinking about things Mike who threatened me and I had to call the police on was very much like my drinking and actions toward christen, also I was discussing with someone a few days ago in Houston being banned, but I was never banned from the TG center, I might show up there in a few yeas and talk when visiting, and leave if im asked to, being prepared to have my heart broken.

I came out on those streets of Montrose, Houston will be special with me, but I was run out of town I felt, for what I did. When I wanted help I didn’t qualify, I was hurt, and continue to hurt. Its bad everywhere being election day, I hope for the sake of this country obama wins.
Furthermore, I have a confessional to make I voted for G.W. Bush in the last two elections when I was a right wing nut job. I have anger towards being so stupid but I thought it would be good to be honest and confess where I came from, where I went and where I am now. I also was very much a different person.

I’ve been thinking about also other things, My spiritual journey has been not very present at times in California, San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, Piedmont, Alameda, and beyond.

In addition I’ve had childhood memories my fathers actuations of my mom being a drunk just like him and the possibility that I was concaved by two hippies, and have right wing and hippie drunks on my family, two parents whom should not have gotten together, I understand how my mother felt before she died.

I miss my mother daily, I also want to build a relatshionship with my father, Ive backed off in contact as he asked, and continue to do so, every few weeks in the east bay, I’ve had some very early childhood me memories come back with my parents fighting, my mother yelling at me, etc.











The List
1.) Mail Letter for contract for California auto insurance
2.) Go meet with friends for coffee
3.) Work on info for clients
4.) Work on 2007 Tax(s)
5.) Compose letter to DLG, MLS
6.) Make amends to self
7.) Eat well &Drink lots of fluids
8.) Go walking
9.) Meeting\
10.) Laundry







Gratitude List:
1.) Grateful to be alive
2.) Grateful to be in the San Francisco Bay area
3.) Grateful to have met my father for 30 minutes
4.) Grateful to have a sponsor whom went to high school with outsmarts magazines Tim brookenver.
5.) Grateful to have a program and be able to let go of trauma and past-transgressions (no pun intended)
6.) Grateful for my health
7.) Grateful for being sober
8.) Grateful to have this appointment
9.) Grateful to have wonderful doctors
10.) Grateful to be able to talk about my feelings.














--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, November 2, 2008

lept ok, awoke around 1:30 when the time turned back, met with my sponsor yesterday I also have some home work for LR and TB, as well to do today as a service. Furthermore, my bank account has grown a bit lately, and some good tithing’s are coming my way.
I also need to work on my 2007 Taxes so I can ideally go back to college, and school. I talked to my sponsor a bit on this. I finished my 2006 taxes recently.
I spoke to my sponsor about my resentment toward self, anger towards myself and actions toward Christen Williams, Shadow, Zoe, Lilly Roddy, Phyllis Frye, and amends I need to make in Houston, Texas. I also am shameful of my actions towards others in the GLBTQ and Houston Area Transgender Community.
Furthermore, I am home sick for the lone star state. I miss some of its right-wing nut job viewpoints. I continue to grow as an Individual and grow more in life, spirituality, with progress not perfection. I also learned something about my program.
Ray Hill is a man whom I will return for Texas for a memorial service, than return quickly to San Francisco without much contact from others. I don’t want my presence to offend anyone, I view myself and who I was in space city and others view me as a Dan White, which if you need the 411 on that watch the new movie milk or Google or Wikipedia Is your friend.

Moreover, I recently left and transferred my medical care to Lyon Martin Health Care whom is better than my previous doctor that I prior was using for my medical needs, and transitioning. In addition, I have an appointment up in piedmont this upcoming week. In addition, dread the Bart ride through the trans-bay tube.
My arrogance, and inner bitch is under control as of late, someone in aa commented on my anger, and my hate, and self hate, and shame

My therapist wants me to write a letter for my father and show it to her, I think it could be helpful I also want my father to come to therapy as well as MLS

I also composed and am going to obtain a passport soon, I need a letter from a doctor for a few travel related matters.


Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be sober today
2.) Grateful to have a few job prospects with Non-Profits
3.) Grateful to have my bank account(s) doing a bit better
4.) Grateful to have my truck and the fiasco over soon.
5.) Grateful to be alive
6.) Grateful for my sponsor
7.) Grateful to have food, clothing, shelter and money in the bank
8.) Grateful to be in San Francisco
9.) Grateful to have friends, family and loved ones who care
10.) Grateful to have the Alano Club, Lyon Martin, and my wonderful sponsor, and therapist


The List
1.) Do homework
2.) Compose and mail letters to friends, family, and clients, and people who care
3.) Send out resume, by mail, fax, and e-mail
4.) Perform research for client
5.) --
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Slept ok last night, someone whom wasn’t doing what they were supposed to do, almost had a fight this morning, dealt with that, or was trying to be helpful, I might have made a foe, and I don’t like on that, I’ll try to work something out.
Furthermore, my interview went so-so, the second one. I was a bit uncomfortable with one of the people, my self-confidence was good. I also slept ok, and didn’t have any dreams I had a woman hit on me last night, sort of butch, close to stone butch. It made me a bit uncomfortable, having some drunk, hit on me, with no mutual attraction, who also offended someone I respect and lookup to.
Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual, I have been thinking I should have minded my own business this morning, I just need to respect her space, I need to mind my own business. I should have butted out of it, Ill try to make an amends.
I didn’t want her to kick someone’s ass, even though she derived it, given I am a victim of violence and hate, I don’t want drama and fighting, and just want peace.
I also was reading some articles, as well as stats on domestic violence and the DA from women behind bars in Texas and that TDC and local and county prosecutors failed in Texas. Folks are lucky to have Raymond Wayne Hill, and people who advocate, given he’s someone special to me, Ill problem visit Houston when his time comes, or he just dies given he’s openly gay and an atheist from 1958 In Houston, Texas.
I spoke to Manual Shantez this morning, and enjoyed it somewhat we talked about life, Houston, political viewpoints; I went “Out” for breakfast this morning as opposed to fasting. As I do sometimes, I am going to do a bit of walking and playing in the Pacific winter and rain right now.
The drought worries me, and water is going to be the next gold rush in northern California, the global warming and other things worry me. I hope we get a wetter than ravage winter in some fashions, even though I don’t like the rain every day.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be alive and sober
2.) Grateful to have friends, family and people who care
3.) Grateful to be able to move on from what happened in Texas
4.) Grateful to have food, clothing, and shelter and money in the bank
5.) Grateful to have things slowly starting to work for me
6.) Grateful to be able to move onward, with life.
7.) Grateful to have faith
8.) Grateful to be in the city and county of san Francisco
9.) Grateful to have a program
10.) Grateful to be able to let go and have a higher power


The List
1.) Banking
2.) Laundry
3.) Meeting
4.) Do home work for LR
5.) Write letter to Phyllis in Texas
6.) Write Letter to MCC and MM
7.) Thrift store
8.) Walgreens
9.) Rite Aid
10.) MS/pS
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger