Sunday, November 16, 2008
Slept well, last night, awoke about 1am this morning, was alas a bit lazy. Rolled over took some more sleep in given I have a busy week upcoming. Dreamed about soaring down the California coast line on a motorcycle, and driving a bmw 5- series convertible.
Furthermore, I have two engagements today one with the Center Women Present, the other with As Bill CC’s IT Motorcycle group at the Alano Club which I am proudly once a member again.
Yesterday I went to the 24th and Florida fellowship and saw some drunk bum, make is hot Irish coffee in a fucking aa meeting.
Furthermore, I saw someone whom I put up there in my top 10 resentments about a month ago at the San Francisco Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center. Which I also found out my recent surge in my blogging is due to well individuals using my blog, and private intimate thoughts which I post publicly so in case I’m ever hurt or die or have a hate crime committed against me.
My family, friends, and those who care know what happened to me, or how I was feeling up to my end. It’s a safety net, and how I grow as a person.
Note to lawenfrocement: stay off my site, I am exercising my freedom of speech. My Informant in The Houston GLBTQ Community told me about your reading of my blog
I looked a place down in Bayview Hunters Point yesterday near the T line, It seemed ok, a queer, lesbian, Trans, gay frat house called the mansion.
Furthermore I am continuing to grow, and prosper, for example I found out that I don’t really like people. But yesterday I was less of a bitch, and selfish and was of service to a homeless Individual IN an AA meeting.
I also this morning after taking care of some banking matters, need to go to COSTCO and pickup crap for the potluck. I continue to grow, and be more of service, and less self centered, attention-whoreish, and less of a stuck up Barbie bitch.
Furthermore I marched yesterday in the protest to California’s Prop 8 to ban GLBTQ Marriage, and also may do something for Day Of Remembrance, I don’t go to such events typically Icebound, I might go to the movies alone, see W or Milk when it comes out.
This Friday, I made a complaint to the San Francisco Police Commission Office of citizen complains formally about my hate and problems out of the northern destruct station; we will see where the can of worms gets opened.

Had a good meeting this morning talked about my anger and resentment, and issues to why I had to leave Texas. If I had not left people would not have forgiven me, I left to start over and learn to move on when the problem was within, I just need to back the fuck off and let things be, live or let die.

The resentment and anger and why I can’t leave a certin individual alone, is due to my shame, guilt and remorse, I hurt a friend that tried to help me and I know cares about me, Im happy in san Francisco but miss having a life, truck, and home.

Gratitude List
1.) Know that my tough girl aptitude is a sign of fear, anger and resentment
2.) Know that my life is going to continue to become better
3.) Glad to be sober today
4.) Glad to have a program
5.) Glad to be able to let go of resentments
6.) Glad to be able to move on in life
7.) Glad to be alive
8.) Glad to have food, clothing, shelter, money in the bank
9.) Glad to be myself and self accepting
10.) Glad to be young, bold and beautiful.


The List
1.) Meeting at the Alano club
2.) Banking
3.) Pickup food for Alano club 3rd year birthday event
4.) Go to brunch with center women present
5.) Mail documents to Louisiana Dept of Treasury for unclaimed property
6.) Write e-mail to ray hill whom I look up to as another role model in my life
7.) Write letter to MLS & DLG.
8.) Perform engagements for clients
9.) Mail documents
10.) Send fax



Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Slept well last night I continue to grow as an individual and young woman. My sponsor wants me to compose a document in ten sentences about resentment, my biggest fear and resentment is my bad blood between Christen Williams and others in Houston. There is a lot of shame, fear, anger, and self hatred.

I talked to My Father Martin Clark Gaetjens Yestedray and sent him a letter
“Dear Dad,

I forgot to mention that I do remember my mom, you and I hugging in the kitchen, I also have some odd childhood memories which don’t make since, and when you tell me that it makes me angry.
II wanted to tell you why I am so angry at you. I for obvious reasons am angry I did not grow up in California, I feel you failed me as a father, I also feel I was used and am angry at my mother as well. The foster care folks had some inclination that was Transgender, I also Hughie did also I was thought from a young age it was wrong. My mother has a lot to blame to.
You are getting older I want to know you on the phone you are a bit of a mystery to me, I think we have some common political views, I want to have a life with you at some point. I would like to go to family therapy, even if you pick the therapist, or at the pacific center in Berkeley, which I have some ties to as well, I love Berkeley.
I do have some memories of you and my mom fighting, and some things in the city of san Francisco with my mom and a few on Bart when I was tiny.

I don’t want to burden you or your new life or family, I am working on getting housed, I worked for a while for the DNC and the Obama campaign, I voted democrat for the first time in my life for a presidential election which I’ve been voting séance 2000.
I am working on finding a regular place, I have some documents which I am sending to martie, dan, and yiu which is a standard f care if I am injured with be rural requirements care for me due to being transgender, as well as a updated copy of my will.
I carry these documents due to violence against transgender women under 30 is not uncommon, I’ve also had over $5000 worth of Electro Hair removal preformed. I’ve been on Hormones as of 2005. I also know right now my life is a stressful and unmanageable.
I walked away from an apartment, a lot of my belongings due to needed to start over, I need the structure oof the shelters until the thing Im waiting for comes through, maybe some day I can tell you storys of some of the sick, sad and shameful things I have witnessed here. Nevertheless, I must remain humble to be successful.
I could get a room downtown in the Tenderloin, but being a prior domestic violence victim, and hate crime and being raped as well as hurting others, I need better. Nevertheless, I’m safe. I also have a leased mini storage and my truck outside the city which martie has info on, If I’m ever injured, killed or in a coma, I don’t want to be
I recently filed a report to the San Francisco Police Office of Citizen complaints due to some mistreatment when I lived with an ex in the Fillmore I was mugged and SFPD made racist, sexist, and trans-phobic remarks. I named names, and told my story to Internal Affairs.

I have lived a wonderful life, I met famous GLBT activist Ray Hill who runs the prisonshow.org on KPFT which is an affiliate of KPFA Pacifica Radio, whom is 50 years sober in Jan and a huge part of my story(the same ray hill in Houston VS Hill US Supreme court case) I met Famous Transsexual Layer Phyllis Frye, I met Mr. Lawrence as In Lawrence vs. Texas the first time I was in a gay bar drinking in 2005.

Furthermore I have met a few of the presidential canates on both parties, I’ve met Kinky Freeman, and campaigned for him, and voted for him, I’ve met Ralph Nader, Jessie Ventura, The elder bush, Clinton (Bill, Hilary, and Chelsea), I also met opera, dr Phil, I survived the largest natural disaster and engineering disaster in US History.
I met Mitt Romney, Allen Keys, John Kerry, I met many folks when I was a catering driver, and worked in a diner, a pizza driver, newspaper carrier. On the other hand, when evil wal-mart sent me to Louisiana, Texas, and across the US to do recovery work.
I am policaltly active with office work, I worked on the NO on prop 8, I still keep some of my Latter Day Saint roots. I have worked in the Equity Texas office, Pride Houston, Equity California, San Francisco PRIDE. I’ve been to PFLAG. I went door to door for Kinky.
I also have ties to a group called affirmation which is GLBTQ Mormons that have come out.

Katrina Made me a stronger person, 9-11 is personal to me due to my mother died shortly afterwards.I want you to try to get to know me, at some point, I walked away from a House, Truck, and other things to be happy and to make sure I have protections and equal rights, I messed up my life and almost died
I’ve had some interviews a one at Macys, one at best buy, one for Waldron House as an employee, another at Larkin Street Youth services as an employee. I’m writing to to make sure That I am not cut up and burred as a man, that’s my fear, Ill be ok, I shared with you my struggles and scrafances, and sorry for what I said about you, your wife, and other stuff.

I wanted to congratee you on your sobriety, it would be helpful if I could know your date, I also wanted to tell you the half hour we spent on church street is what I needed, I was really depressed and wanted to see you, it helped me more than you know.

7-13-2007 sobriety date.

I love you your daughter leigh


I ate good had to listen to some idiots talk about pot, sex, drugs and other bullshit and riff raff this morning, awoke at 1am, out by 4am, took care of business. Half ass got ready. Took care of life. Have food, clothing and slelter.

Loooked at a place recently, and met with my sponsor this morning, doing aa homework and other stuff today.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger