*** amendment***



To explain, further discovery of myself fact of life and who I am as an individual and interpersonal enlighten for myself. I had a wonderful thereby session today, was very progressive. I also discussed plans for my future long term and short.

Also my feelings of cutting ties to some people, places, groups, non-profits in San Francisco and the GLBT community due to disagreement with advertising, promotional material, and differences in policial opnion and outreach strategy.

My viewpoints have reached a point where I don’t care, I have been asked why do you post your personal information on the web? Well the answer is, my site is like my children, maybe I want to leave my fruit in the world, my ideas, in the depths of Google, various site robot indexers, search engine archives, blog archives to leave my views.

My views on some issues have changed a few years later, for example I used to be anti-abortion now I am pro abortion, I agree aborting in prices is wrong, but allow it due to the fact many children for adoption and also individuals make mistakes, not every child is adoptable and with black market babies for sale.
The harsh truth is, I believe its better to terminate a life and child, rather than to allow it to positional be abused in foster care, group homes, adoption, or being sold or used for illegal or immoral reasons. People make bad choices and mistakes, and some individuals give abortion a bad name, and therefore hold or to a higher power and your own personal Jesus, the individual accountable, and maybe deny folks who have more problems and over-breeding children though bad choices.


Another viewpoint is, I used to be very pro firearm and violence, while I still am, I think that mentally encourages viligianitism and further gun violence, but even if you take the firearms away, the criminals still have them will use them, as a small business sewer, single person, the reality is the police can’t be everywhere, and you have a right to protect yourself.

I think so called “hard-reduction” is liberal garbage, wasting taxpayer money, I think harm reduction should be a orange jumpsuit, time in county jail and meetings behind bars. It is what reformed my life, I think California and the liberal(s) that are allow San Francisco Bums to abuse the system, is wrong and a disgrace, just recently a guy got 3 days jail for assault on a police officer, a guy who has been arrested for aggressive panhandling, drunk and disorderly, resisting arrest, carrying a concealed weapon, and even committed for mental health.

You Can’t help someone whom does not desire, wish or want to help themselves, forced reform and sobriety is a waste of time spend time in Civic Center, Church Street Upper Market. 6th street beaten market and mission, go walk through the tenderloin, or lower mission or lower height-Ashbury and witnessed the waste.

Gavin Newsom has the right princely, but under his care not cash program her hurts folks more, and hold people accountable for help, demand accountbalotyu for funds. Don’t just put someone in a room, with a number on the door in utter poverty and warehouse.

The work program is good for that, but I think even random drug and substance abuse testing for shelter beds, would be a superb idea, or segregation based on sobriety shelters with “zero-tolerance Policies” and concept to random testing, on a lottery system based on prior history, criminal history, and maybe even check for warrants.

You are giving someone a warm bed, a hot meal for FREE why not ask for something in return? Or if you want more services and comfort why not consent to testing, why allow individuals who abuse san Francisco overly liberal policies to abuse the system, at tax paper expense, individuals who want help who are sober, and clean, individuals who work, individuals who are doing the right thing.

The system as of now, allows no-accountability for actions, it allows individuals to abuse the system to reinforce their negative actions and behaviors, at the expense to public safety, health, crime, public nuisance, and promotes partition, drug use, robbery, auto theft, breaking & entering, property crime. While supporting others form bottoming out at the expected of Tax Payers to the City & County of San Francisco and you me, the guy who strugglers to feed his family, the young collage girl, the elderly sleep in the cold, trying to make ends meet and start over.

Global fuel, cost of living, expanse are increasing for the social
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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Thursday, July 31, 2008

The reality is I am not achieving much sleep, my body is changing, I am super bitchy, I am tired, and I looked at the place in Oakland Last night near Berkeley and close to Lake Marriet, and the mcauthor BART station, and close to the freeway as well.

I accidently turned off my early am alarms but was out the door in time per say. MUNI Metro this morning was acting up with major outbound delays, I also am sending in some of the Texas DPS paper work for the title and other actions. I also canceled the voluntary surrender for the repo of the ranger, a poor and hasty choice.

Sometimes I disagree on the rights in the 7am church street meeting and general chaos, and also my sponsor does not want to discuss things not related to my primary purpose. I also was deeply offended by someone suggesting not to have contact until I get help, and go to the loony bin. Maybe that person has a problem with his gender indemnity, but not being over judgmental. On the other hand, having someone not to come back for a service commitment, when I have been keeping it sometimes earlier than her.

The fact is that meeting is not healthy mike was allowed around for too long, where we bitch each other out, and those actions from two individuals were wrong, and overjudgemental, yes I can be co-depddant, yes I carve drama and attention, yes calling the police was wrong.

The reality is that is not healthy to new comers per say. The reality is its wrong when folks with 1 year or more to 6months and up and many years of sobriety are fighting with each other. his morning the alano club was very relaxing, for the first time in 3 months I felt GOOD after leavening the meeting, I took my sponsors advice and yada dada it worked!

I go too early morning meetings due to the fact they usually contain individuals who have what I want, and I need to be positive to get positive results in my life, and surround myself around good infualcnes in sobriety, life and overcoming my own Gnosticism and fear of the unknown.

I must do what My part is and what is correct for me, My own personal hell would be allowing someone to take care of me, and co-depdancey, and fear. Well that’s what I present, quite frankly I’ve reached a point where I don’t give a fuck or rats ass about what others think of me, I am tired of being someone I don’t feel I need to be, I am tired of being decimated for sexual orientation, gender idnieity, religion past and current, political views, and general bullshit.
Furthermore, I took My wonderful sponsors Saudi S. Advice and did not attend the meeting on church street, I went to another meeting and ran into other folks at their formerly from Our Lady Of Safe way, I went down to church street and ate some grilled potatoes, onions and garlic.

Have an appointment later at the Transgender Law center, have some documents to print before hand, and a few other tasks for myself, others and general taking care of business. I have a client today, and also might visit high noon.

I also make some progress and am going to do the service commitments at high noon, right now I need two meetings a day, and a break from our lady of Safeway.

I talked to DLG a bit and PMG, left a message with MLS to not much avail guess she is out of town, The place I looked at was near Shattuck and 56th street in Oakland that was not too shabby, I also talked to a few other folks about life.

I also composed and uploaded more code, for my site, the house cat loved me as well. I furthermore continue to grow prosper and in my spiritual path to enlighten and inner peace, and sanity.


Ciao.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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Wednesday, July 30, 2008
People don’t understand me, I know I don’t fit gender stereotypes, I make my rules, I play by my own, I also don’t like most Transgender individuals, I like hanging out with dykes, ftm transgender men, and other obscurest as well as intersexes.

People don’t understand me, I also am a bit bitchy given I didn’t sleep well last night, I might seek rest and attend high noon, to get a greater commitment, I don’t feel I have much in common with the community.
I don’t feel a absence of community so I remain alone and off to find a new meeting and service commitment, it papers others prejudice rules, at least someone else has more. I know more

The reality of the best, and and what to do, called ACFN to arrange a matter for FBF and to close out the chapter with CDG and CPG as well, maintaining some anonminity for myself, life, and who I am and clearing the stress out of my life, and finding freedom from bondage and inner peace is liberating in it self, the anser is I don’t know but I am going to find a new meeting house soon, and achive the inner peace and desire I deserve for myself, life and my future of my soul.

Becca and Ray were wrong this morning, but I am not welcome, I also am concdering fireing Saudi as well as my sponsor, and obtaining meetings but a more spiritual way of life to avoid the aa, and queer drama bullshit.

People don’t like me I don’t fit their sterotype I feel as a an indivudal, I don’t like labels, and I don’t fit in per say. Ive been shuting the fuck up, my preseance, and I don’t feel welcome, drinking is not an option, Ill just be more careful iuts shame so much pride and predjucice, looms.

My current hate is at my own country I only want respect and equil treatment, being grown is hard, being an indivudal and not a label is to, but quite frankly I don’t give a fuck I quit doing such long ago. I told a friend I need a week on holliday in a hotel or outside the city which could be useful and might be in order.

Im going in the next few weeks to one of the couches I surf from time to time, and will feel better, I am a utter bitch with my lack of sleep.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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Monday, July 28, 2008


Some days I struggle to find inner peace, as of late, I shall remain quiet and be left to my own devices, I can learn more from people watching a change is in order as of late for some items and quality.

I have tasks to achive and finish and I set out to finish the task at hand, with some items cleaning up have a busy week this week.

Checked the mailbox to nill avail, took care of a MUNI / BART issue, and have a few other affairs to finish as well. Did some applying thismorning, also read my horoscope as well which had some mildly amuseing and true options to it.

Im going back strict vegan/ veg as well for my health, soul and mind and body. It hurts being alone but it is what is best for me, and my program, maybe I am too selfish for my own good per say.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I have the ability to work on my defects of charter for myself.
2.) Grateful I have folks, family, friends of bill w, friends, aquanaces, and people who care about me.
3.) Grateful That I am an amazing wonderful, individual with a very eclectic background.

The reality of myself and further enlightment for peace brings me inert grattuide, and also dealing with the resentments, recently its hard, Im tired of hurting, the hanging on to the scars of the past, perhaps progress and the 4th step is hard, I still have my wonderful sponsor Saudi S.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Monday, July 28, 2008


Some days I struggle to find inner peace, as of late, I shall remain quiet and be left to my own devices, I can learn more from people watching a change is in order as of late for some items and quality.

I have tasks to achive and finish and I set out to finish the task at hand, with some items cleaning up have a busy week this week.

Checked the mailbox to nill avail, took care of a MUNI / BART issue, and have a few other affairs to finish as well. Did some applying thismorning, also read my horoscope as well which had some mildly amuseing and true options to it.

Im going back strict vegan/ veg as well for my health, soul and mind and body. It hurts being alone but it is what is best for me, and my program, maybe I am too selfish for my own good per say.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I have the ability to work on my defects of charter for myself.
2.) Grateful I have folks, family, friends of bill w, friends, aquanaces, and people who care about me.
3.) Grateful That I am an amazing wonderful, individual with a very eclectic background.



I FEEL ok today, I have some items I need to work on and other issues and red tape to cut a bit later, but for now, life is good, and so is my own personal jesus Christ
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Sunday, July 27, 2008

I recently ran into Chastain from The Transitive drop I n center at a undisclosed anonymous location, she wanted everyone to know she is ok, she is good friends with someone else. I also talked to Terri today, and Valarie, and also plan to go to the TG meeting next week in Berkeley, I also have an appointment at the Transgender Law center as well, and have thereby next week as well as an intake for a another therapist.

I also need to follow up on my MRI, I’m going to a “freak meeting” on church street, than to drop off some laundry at the dry cleaners, and a few other tasks. I got paid for a project I worked as well. I also made some finicail amends to a creditor and collections agency.

I also have been pondering with my sponsor how to handle my biggest resentment, christen, and others my drinking, actions, bitching, minulipuation, complaining, and other things caused. I am making amends living amends, by backing down and my geographical.

I talked to my grandmother today, I know and told my sponsor I treat everyone bad, minulipilate and use. My geogpahical was for personal humilitiy, spirituality and to grow the fuck up.

I told my grandmother and we discussed more than talk at, I love her she loves, me I had to leave to find myself. I admit with the clairity of transgressions commited againt myself, repution, finical health, and other Transgenders, Transexuals, Quuers, women, men, gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals, Goths, geeks, punks, hippies, and other fuck face yuppies.

I did this for me, not anyone else. I also need my time alone right now, I admit it hurts just trying to find meaning not to jump off the golden gate, I also don’t go to the marina area, to do such given or thepresideo as well due to the nature of the depressing beauty, nor do I go to Yosemitie for ill reasons.

All my life I wanted to do this, but I bitched and complained and nagged and Now I have more and more.

Life is good, and being positive is what I need my folks aren’t have bad, I just don’t see much of a future in Harvey, LA. And that’s all she wrote.

I got over natilie, and jack as well.

Life moves on others slow me down, so pick my feet up and get off the ground.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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Sunday, July 27, 2008

The reality of my life and self is I did more for myself. Slept good and alas a bit late until 5 am this morning. I awoke tcb have things to do later today.

Uploaded a few (password-protected apps) to the server (#2) today. I also worked on a few other things. This morning near 6th and mission I had a guy hit on me and I jumped back at a pot / meth / drunk head in the morning., and slipped on a banana peel in the morning, and tore a stocking make note why not to walk on 6th stet, and go up 7th or 5th to the train station.

I ate ok, went to a good meeting at the Alamo club, also composed a few documents, have to print a (few PDF files) am feeling better than yesterday after going to general hospital. They treated me well.
I also have worked on my social and confiandace issues, ran into my favorite transgender female to male therapist today. In addition, composed a few other items.

Talked to my grandmother about my life, and choises did some steep work at the Alamo club for my sponsor, have a few things to do Monday, have some banking and transit and civil matters to do next week, got referred for an MRI for my health issues.

Going to the dive / riot girl freak meeting this afternoon, don’t you wish you could go with me?

I also have to do a little laundry and other things after the meeting, and had a good crasuant today as well. I spoke to an old friend this weekend and uploaded some code to my site.

I’m going to go to the affirmation conference next year, have a few rentals to look at near uc Berkeley or in downtown Oakland near lake marriet, and a few co-ops in san Francisco as well.

Did some editing, design work for one of my preferable outsourcing clients, who does occasionally go on benders, and I being the sober one does her work for her. Delivered product to her promptly this morning

September or October looks ideal for importing my 4-wheel drive tailgate pick-em’ up truck to California, the Ford Ranger fX4 w/ tremor audio system long bed, ext cab special custom Texas edition
I also might eventfully after doing more step work invite my father to therapy at the pacific center given it is a neutral place and close to work, I often think of my father when I pass the downtown Berkeley Bart station or go shopping at the Walgreens or do printing at the Berkeley Kinko’s I also walk to the pacific center its one of my favorite fitness walks, usually I have dry cleaning, personal items and items for some of my clients whom some have minor binges and benders.

My face break out isn’t as abad, I don’t have an appointment with the electro and endo for bout a month, I love when I get to go to excurtions to piedmont Oakland hills side. Maybe sometime down the road after My pickem up truck I could take a drive to the big LDS temple, Ive also wanted to go hiking on the San Bruno Mountain, and go to burning man next year possibly. Or go to the pacifica on my truck.

Next Year Im going to the affirmation conference.


Recently
In addition, clean their dirty laundry as well as my own, I continue to progress more and more.

I ate healthy today for the most part, lost more weight started working out more, for myself,










--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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Life in San Francisco, Oakland and Berkeley

Sunday, July 27, 2008

The reality of my life and self is I did more for myself. Slept good and alas a bit late until 5 am this morning. I awoke tcb have things to do later today.

Uploaded a few (password-protected apps) to the server (#2) today. I also worked on a few other things. This morning near 6th and mission I had a guy hit on me and I jumped back at a pot / meth / drunk head in the morning., and slipped on a banana peel in the morning, and tore a stocking make note why not to walk on 6th stet, and go up 7th or 5th to the train station.

I ate ok, went to a good meeting at the Alamo club, also composed a few documents, have to print a (few PDF files) am feeling better than yesterday after going to general hospital. They treated me well.
I also have worked on my social and confiandace issues, ran into my favorite transgender female to male therapist today. In addition, composed a few other items.

Talked to my grandmother about my life, and choises did some steep work at the Alamo club for my sponsor, have a few things to do Monday, have some banking and transit and civil matters to do next week, got referred for an MRI for my health issues.

Going to the dive / riot girl freak meeting this afternoon, don’t you wish you could go with me?

I also have to do a little laundry and other things after the meeting, and had a good crasuant today as well. I spoke to an old friend this weekend and uploaded some code to my site.

I’m going to go to the affirmation conference next year, have a few rentals to look at near uc Berkeley or in downtown Oakland near lake marriet, and a few co-ops in san Francisco as well.

Did some editing, design work for one of my preferable outsourcing clients, who does occasionally go on benders, and I being the sober one does her work for her. Delivered product to her promptly this morning

September or October looks ideal for importing my 4-wheel drive tailgate pick-em’ up truck to California, the Ford Ranger fX4 w/ tremor audio system long bed, ext cab special custom Texas edition
I also might eventfully after doing more step work invite my father to therapy at the pacific center given it is a neutral place and close to work, I often think of my father when I pass the downtown Berkeley Bart station or go shopping at the Walgreens or do printing at the Berkeley Kinko’s I also walk to the pacific center its one of my favorite fitness walks, usually I have dry cleaning, personal items and items for some of my clients whom some have minor binges and benders.


In addition, clean their dirty laundry as well as my own, I continue to progress more and more.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

July 25, 2008

Lately in working with my wonderful sponsor, and support in my program. I discovered that I lashed out at my father, I may have made him so unwelcome about me. I hurt him because; I well resent him but my mother more.
I grow tired of bickering with Pat about my father and mothers differences and fear I lost him, I worked my 4th step with him perhaps I should invote him to conceling at the pacific center, he is my closest living relative and I do want to know him, which I really don’t.
I am going to Oakland today for a doctor’s appointment than a doctor’s appointment in Berkeley and to check out some other issues and things. I also am composing some documents and have files to print later.
I spoke to JJ recently he is OTR headed to Houston hauling a load for freight, he will be back in home in Portland soon, BWM is in St Paul I think now, I soon have my DMV issues to iron out, and a few other matters, I also am aiming to get my pickup truck trans-ported to san Francisco, and possibliy6 attend the Affirmation conference in Los Angeles in September, doing the boot scooting bogie.
I drove recently a mini cooper across the bay bridge and have a few other affairs to iron out as well. I spoke to a relative on a few other matters.
Talked to Valire about issues, and continue to grow into enlighten for myself, I also try to find a mentor. Around September 2008 or October 2008 I should have my 4x4 pickup truck here in San Francisco which will fucking rock.
I still don’t plan to drive much or keep my truck in the city, I have other arrangements I worked out in other counties, the bus ride on AC transit today the driver was a jerk he made a nasty comment about me being a dyke and transgender and I made a nasty comment back, I remember him he was the jerk 2 years ago who did that, the nice butch lady with glasses was not on the bus line today. He also was rude and unhelpful with directions to an out-of-towner.
I talked to CUAV about my issues, I dis trust the San Francisco Police Commission and The San Francisco Human rights commission and plan to have a unbiased 3rd party on my behalf, as a lesion to myself.
Furthermore, I have the law clinic next week at the TG law center with Ben, which should be helpful. I the name change went uncontested.
I paid another debtor recently and have taken further steps to restore my good name; I also shall get the insurance as well soon. I talked to an individual who was ex-commutated from the brays bayou ward in the 1990s for homosexuality and another in 1980s, I also met a few individuals in Castro who were Mormons.
I search for meaning, and understanding and don’t know what I belief, core values, or even what the fuck I want out of life for all to long have been around others ideals, after the electros sit today, I also have to go to the support group and the meeting. I have more tonight to achieve as well.
I also will be passing by people’s park famous site of the shooting of UC Berkeley students during a CHP “siege” of the park and riot in may 1969 that also earned former actor turned future president and donator (1969 California) Ronald Regan the nickname Ronald Ray-GUN!
I also talked to relatives today, about my health issues where are well, I am right now near the huge hill in Oakland which the wildfires were contained in 1991 many years ago. Also the site of where some childhood memories of my mother.
I don’t want my father or myself to lose each other over some egocentric power trip or the fact of my resentments toward myself, my mother and him. I was wrong, and crossed the line and admitted that to my sponsor, the 4th step is a fucking bitch, and like me also.
I also crossed the line with Christen Williams, Lilly Roddy, Phyllis Frye, Lambda Center, My father Martin Clark Gaetjens and the AC Transit Bus Driver today as well.
I hurt badly in my soul, burns with rage and anger. And misreay, I don’t want that I want some degress of sanity, I even more recently had to drift away from some individuals who mke me uncomfortable in meetings. One whom I feel stalks me somewhat per say.
I overreacted this morning I thought mike was in the meeting, and was wrong he is 86ed until further notice. Some folks on Castro street get un “86”ed from the Castro Country Club for “69”ing the manager (bad joke and totally untrue) and very serotypes.
Have to remember to pcik up some items at the store before barting back into the city, I also might take care of a few other matters as well, before that.

The reality of what I need to do for myself, life and my future is clear, just in the moment, called my sponsor today to work on some pressing issues for myself, life and future and fear of the unkown for myself, life and lack there of.

I found my own personal fucking jesus christ
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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Life and the progress in San Francisco

Thursday, July 24, 2008


Slept well last night, today working on a few projects for a client, also have therapy today and a few other errands, have a few doctors appointments also, and some research to perform for myself and a few clients.

Had another nightmare last night, I figured out why it’s around the third anniversary of Katrina, talked to DT recently about Louisiana Politics, Katrina, Harvey, and crime and geographical and economic change. Also discussed becoming older, wiser, and being alone. Moreover, hurt and sick.

The past few days the San Francisco Chronicle, The Street Sheet, SF Guardian, Sf weekly have had articles about un-accountability, extreme poverty and homeless and life in general and the seeder sides of areas like SOMA. Tenderloin, Castro, mission, western addition.

My paper work is safe lucky for me, having off site digital document storage, a file room and access to a co-op and other various arrangements, laundry is on the agenda, I also am washing a few things for a client as well as some dry cleaning.

The affirmation LDS GLBT conference for Mormons is coming up or former such in September on the city of angels, a good drive down the coast, as well as some job hunting, and the fact I might have a Transgender Man or a Queer female to go with and roommate at the conference hotel, or maybe get a motel on the outskirts of los Angeles, and split fuel expenses with the trip between us, in my 4 wheel drive tailgate.

I hope things start to go through soon, which they are in partial fashion, the conference could maybe wait till next year as well.



It mind boggles that such and so many GLBT folks , and average Jill and Joes could spread so much hate and tensions in Americas most labial city is so divided and open-minded and over intellectualized. I also feel as for my own political views, and personal reasons, jail or such could be an option, I hate this country, state and would not mind pleasing no congest to a bank robbery, but no weapon, no violence and a note, and spend the rest of my life in jail for Transgender equity, deny parole and repeat over and over. I would be willing to Scarface my life for what I believe, and who I am and for others. Not even attempting to get way, I would want deportation to some place willing, I would surrender peacefully.
That is insanity and crazy talk and would likely never become a reality.

I am a noble person, honest, grateful, outgoing, and stave for independence, I talked to DT yesterday on the phone about if I ever grew old, senile or ill and lost my impedance, I don’t ever want to be in a home and have someone take care of me, financial matters or other affairs.

I also know my narcissism, pain, and drama and inner bitch is not healthy, and nor is my vigalantisim and playing the fucking victim, I even need some accountability for my own actions, life and present cirmstances.

The meeting this morning was good, mike came in again, we had two throw two people, out the police were called, and I had a bad morning, and the nightmares around the anverssy of Katrina, my recovery work on the gulf coast. Lately the nightmares are horrid. I still remeber spending time in New Orleans Pre, Post, Katrina, reliant park, minute maid park and other locations in Space city. I remeber assisting in transport of ammunition to New Orleans for The New Orleans Police Department, working search and rescure in 2005/2006 in Houston a bit for a missing child during the holidays, and also becoming and joking the drunk paaty around that time from being an al-anon.

I called my good aquances ray hill (Houston v. Hill) head of the prison show on KPFT which is occaonaily broadcast in the bay area on KPFA, came to san Francisco Jan 6, 2008 with six months of soberity lived with a friend, than lost it all when they left, I have had hard times but I am sober, and attempting to rebuild my life.

I am greatful today on
1.) Being able to express my feelings, ask for help, respect others boundaries, and also draw the line at myself
2.) Being able to deal with others sickness in a positive affirming manner
3.) Being able to do what I need to do and not bitch about it and choose to surround myself around positive individuals.

I dislike bureaucracy, government and the way of system, but I know how to work through red tape, given my customer service, leadership, and ocd, and desire for protection and being an over-achiever.

I know I try too hard, I just have so much I want to do in life, and never want to grow old, I’ll be 30 soon, but don’t look it, yada.

Anyway duty calls.









--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Took care of replacing documents, I had. HAD a good rest, took care of business today, at the county court house, met with my sponsor. I also watched reality bites with a friend one of my favoirter movies filmed in Houston, Texas.

I also uploaded some content and applications behind the backend of my website as well. Filed a few reports, delivered some information to my drop spots for a few clients, and composed a few research documents.

I worked my 4th step more with my sponsor, I also told a few people to go to hell and fuck themselves, and lashed out at the fucking meeting this morning, I am so sick and fucking tired of mike, the bullshit and drama I just want to knock every fuckface over the head. I told them months ago.


I continue to look forward into enlighten, and process my feelings, I just want peace, love and freedom, and also listed my fears. I need time alone to deal with this bullshit

Grattuile list

1.) Greatfuil to be able to be in the moment
2.) Greatful to be able to keep it simple, stupid
3.) Greatful to understand my defects
4.)

I ate pretty healthy and have a good walk planned later today for my program and feel better that I did not panic and remained clam, and worked my own personal fucking jesus
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

San Francisco Cleaning up, No easy Answer for Reform in Troubled Times

Friday, July 11, 2008.


Questioning hate and Decimation, A Essay on Transphobia, from San Francisco to beyond, an Insight into people’s fears of the unknown and the documentation of Typical Waste of Tax Payer money in California, and San Francisco and beyond.


By Leigh McInnis Gaetjens

San Francisco is a wonderful place, equity the forefronts of the GLBT movement and the pioneering city and metro plex of the GLBT equity movement, Americas most European city.

Trans_Phobia is the result of Segregation, and degradation and Discretion of the Transgender community; peoples negative stenotypes, a few people who have no business as describing themselves as TG, and have serious mental health issues and have zero business transitioning.

We as Transgender women and men, need equal treatment not special treatment, but equal treatment, I hate when I am mistreated weather verbally, physically or emotional or mentally.
The Law applies to everyone; I just want the right to live.


Ill shares some of my life experiences at 6 months in San Francisco.
1.) In January 2008 was mugged with a knife in the film ore district, and told I can be mugged or assaulted and abused my San Francisco Police when I called for service, I was handcuffed and searched, and told they had 4 units looking for the suspect. I was integrated about drug use, protection, and warrants. (which I had none)
2.) April 2008I was mugged on the MUNI Metro and told I was problem prostituting myself on the train, and no report and the law was not enforced again
3.) May 2008 I have been lynched in a communal shower by other women with Hateful GLBT slurs, had a photo taken of me with a camria phone
4.) May 2008 - I have been verbally abused and harassed by other women when sleeping
5.) June 2008- I have had a 22-caliber handgun pulled on me, out of hate and intimidation.
6.) June 2008- I was punched in the face (In clear view of a police officer) On The MUNI / Bart Station for no apparent reason and called slurs and laughed at when I was ok.
7.) I have had a Transit cop refer to me using trans-phobic and hate speech when requesting proof of payment, refuse to take a report for the mentioned
8.) I was groped while wating for food, and laughed at
9.) I’ve been told to “get some bass in my voice and be a man” by a authority figure
10.) I’ve been told by Law Enforcement “ I can’t be raped or sexually harassed, I choose this and do this to myself, be a Man”
11.) Emergency room, upon discovering the female patient who collapsed was transgender due to stress and dehydration was treated poorly, and after signing a waiver of treatment and liability due to poor treatment, was cleaning up in bathroom, was escorted by armed security guards for trespassing in the bathroom. (I was washing the vomit off myself)
12.) I was told by an EMT, to go back where I came from, You’re not local are you the accent is from the south
13.) I was told to go back to my country (given my un-common last name) or whatever planet I came from by Law Enforcement
14.) I was told “Lee” you are a man, you do this to yourself, quit complaining you want to be a woman, but quit complains about how people treat us.
15.) I was questioned about my “alterative lifestyle” and what my “plumbing” is.
16.) I’ve been told I cant shower with women who are born women
17.) I’ve been denied sleep due to others verbally abusing me in a so-called safe place for women
18.) I’ve been told or suggested to go to a means shelter
19.) I’ve been lynched in a shower and had my picture taken, attempted to report it, and be told that Its not rape, and the police cant be called
20.) I’ve been kicked in my rib cage, and upper chest area, and groped for not “wakening up in a timely manner” and slammed into a cinderblock wall and made to face via police lineup and denied bathroom access. And only “women who are born women are allowed to use the women’s bathroom:”
21.) I was punched in the face and looked to see if I was ok, and let go, with no provocation by an individual in a BART station in front of a police officer (I was “OK” and no arrest was made)


The point is in America’s most European city and most accepting place, pain hurts progress, people resist change, in society. Historically it has been done and still struggles in areas with racial integration, sexual orientation and even gender, and religion.

For example, Mitt Romney is the equlaivait of JFK the Mormon for the white house, and the fear of Catholics in the 1960s, religious fear and persecution.
It hurts me to look the other way, but picked up various survival skills from GLBT Pioneers such as ray hill, the prison show, and others and various skins of various drinking related time spent.

It amazes me San Francisco being on the front of obscure, the strange and outcasts tolerates in its liberal view tolerance , rather than acceptance, equity and intergartion.Oh they are sick, oh it’s a fucking escusce. Tolleratance and accountability go hand in hand.

Something is morally and ethically wrong when someone is not PRO Jail and Prison for violence of hate if there is no injury, hate and prejectace is that and illegal, if you are ok and “brush it off” or cool it off.

People need to be accountable for their actions; people if they want help need to give something back. While I disagree with The Governator and The Mayor on some issues. They do have some principal’s correct just misguided actions.

They allow individuals who don’t have much else to do, to hide behind California, privacy laws, illegal young and adult criminals to commit crimes, and be allowed sanctuary at tax paper expense.

It Increases our Police, Fire, EMS and hospital expenses with trips to jail, overdoes, arrests, manpower, new hirelings, and acts of violence where you don’t track or document individuals who have long history’s of causieng trouble and breaking the law.



I propose if people want tax-payer subsided help, or submit to DNA testing for sexual assaults and open crimes, drug and alach9ol testing, and FBI Background checks. If you are getting something free, you should give something in return, to many un-savory individuals abuse the system for illegal purposes.

So Called liberal harm-reduction is labial bullshit garbage, it allows chronic al-alcoholics, drug addicts, and exploitation of women in the sex trades to thefts of copper and curbside recycling ccer, it funds at a time in budget crisis, and is typical san Francisco liberal garbage waste. It allows people to drink use and other wise steal and break the law with little to no consequences.
Lobbyism groups allow the same individuals to time and time again, break the law and have little to nil concqucnes. Brutal discipline, and law got me sober, You ever hear the saying “ You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help him or herself”
People and Individuals need to be held accountable for their actions, and their effort. While also taking tone such well through actions for change on the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, and far too often even on the flip side of present individuals are hurt, and well intentioned change sometimes is led into persecution such as current immigration reform, 9-11, the patriot act, and reform needs to be brought with caution.

The country is lucky to have a place like san Francisco in the post-911 world, but individuals abuse well intentions, and makes it hard for people who want a change and the good due suffer for the evil, I strongly urge in whatever reform Mayor Gavin Newsom, and Governor Arnold chooses to do, procueed with caution.
History is a great way to change the present by learning mistakes of the past, to avoid making so in the future, I urge good balance and judgment of our elected officials serving the public. I urge individuals to choose the best where there can be freedom, liberty and justice for all. In trolley compassionate, non-judgmental, liberal, but maintaining balance, accountability, and protecting peoples civil liberties fair and balanced.
Something does need to be reformed in our country as a whole, but truth be told there is no easy answer to a complex problem.

However, we find the answers, I give you food for thought with peace, love and justice and the American way. It’s scary times right now and times are tough, be we have faith. I love this country the direction of loss of civil liberties.



--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Friday, July 11, 2008.


Questioning hate and Decimation, A Essay on Transphobia, from San Francisco to beyond, an Insight into people’s fears of the unknown and the documentation of Typical Waste of Tax Payer money in California, and San Francisco and beyond.


By Leigh McInnis Gaetjens

San Francisco is a wonderful place, equity the forefronts of the GLBT movement and the pioneering city and metro plex of the GLBT equity movement, Americas most European city.

Trans_Phobia is the result of Segregation, and degradation and Discretion of the Transgender community; peoples negative stenotypes, a few people who have no business as describing themselves as TG, and have serious mental health issues and have zero business transitioning.

We as Transgender women and men, need equal treatment not special treatment, but equal treatment, I hate when I am mistreated weather verbally, physically or emotional or mentally.
The Law applies to everyone; I just want the right to live.


Ill shares some of my life experiences at 6 months in San Francisco.
1.) In January 2008 was mugged with a knife in the film ore district, and told I can be mugged or assaulted and abused my San Francisco Police when I called for service, I was handcuffed and searched, and told they had 4 units looking for the suspect. I was integrated about drug use, protection, and warrants. (which I had none)
2.) April 2008I was mugged on the MUNI Metro and told I was problem prostituting myself on the train, and no report and the law was not enforced again
3.) May 2008 I have been lynched in a communal shower by other women with Hateful GLBT slurs, had a photo taken of me with a camria phone
4.) May 2008 - I have been verbally abused and harassed by other women when sleeping
5.) June 2008- I have had a 22-caliber handgun pulled on me, out of hate and intimidation.
6.) June 2008- I was punched in the face (In clear view of a police officer) On The MUNI / Bart Station for no apparent reason and called slurs and laughed at when I was ok.
7.) I have had a Transit cop refer to me using trans-phobic and hate speech when requesting proof of payment, refuse to take a report for the mentioned
8.) I was groped while wating for food, and laughed at
9.) I’ve been told to “get some bass in my voice and be a man” by a authority figure
10.) I’ve been told by Law Enforcement “ I can’t be raped or sexually harassed, I choose this and do this to myself, be a Man”
11.) Emergency room, upon discovering the female patient who collapsed was transgender due to stress and dehydration was treated poorly, and after signing a waiver of treatment and liability due to poor treatment, was cleaning up in bathroom, was escorted by armed security guards for trespassing in the bathroom. (I was washing the vomit off myself)
12.) I was told by an EMT, to go back where I came from, You’re not local are you the accent is from the south
13.) I was told to go back to my country (given my un-common last name) or whatever planet I came from by Law Enforcement
14.) I was told “Lee” you are a man, you do this to yourself, quit complaining you want to be a woman, but quit complains about how people treat us.
15.) I was questioned about my “alterative lifestyle” and what my “plumbing” is.
16.) I’ve been told I cant shower with women who are born women
17.) I’ve been denied sleep due to others verbally abusing me in a so-called safe place for women
18.) I’ve been told or suggested to go to a means shelter
19.) I’ve been lynched in a shower and had my picture taken, attempted to report it, and be told that Its not rape, and the police cant be called
20.) I’ve been kicked in my rib cage, and upper chest area, and groped for not “wakening up in a timely manner” and slammed into a cinderblock wall and made to face via police lineup and denied bathroom access. And only “women who are born women are allowed to use the women’s bathroom:”
21.) I was punched in the face and looked to see if I was ok, and let go, with no provocation by an individual in a BART station in front of a police officer (I was “OK” and no arrest was made)


The point is in America’s most European city and most accepting place, pain hurts progress, people resist change, in society. Historically it has been done and still struggles in areas with racial integration, sexual orientation and even gender, and religion.

For example, Mitt Romney is the equlaivait of JFK the Mormon for the white house, and the fear of Catholics in the 1960s, religious fear and persecution.
It hurts me to look the other way, but picked up various survival skills from GLBT Pioneers such as ray hill, the prison show, and others and various skins of various drinking related time spent.

It amazes me San Francisco being on the front of obscure, the strange and outcasts tolerates in its liberal view tolerance , rather than acceptance, equity and intergartion.Oh they are sick, oh it’s a fucking escusce. Tolleratance and accountability go hand in hand.

Something is morally and ethically wrong when someone is not PRO Jail and Prison for violence of hate if there is no injury, hate and prejectace is that and illegal, if you are ok and “brush it off” or cool it off.

People need to be accountable for their actions; people if they want help need to give something back. While I disagree with The Governator and The Mayor on some issues. They do have some principal’s correct just misguided actions.

They allow individuals who don’t have much else to do, to hide behind California, privacy laws, illegal young and adult criminals to commit crimes, and be allowed sanctuary at tax paper expense.

It Increases our Police, Fire, EMS and hospital expenses with trips to jail, overdoes, arrests, manpower, new hirelings, and acts of violence where you don’t track or document individuals who have long history’s of causieng trouble and breaking the law.



I propose if people want tax-payer subsided help, or submit to DNA testing for sexual assaults and open crimes, drug and alach9ol testing, and FBI Background checks. If you are getting something free, you should give something in return, to many un-savory individuals abuse the system for illegal purposes.

So Called liberal harm-reduction is labial bullshit garbage, it allows chronic al-alcoholics, drug addicts, and exploitation of women in the sex trades to thefts of copper and curbside recycling ccer, it funds at a time in budget crisis, and is typical san Francisco liberal garbage waste. It allows people to drink use and other wise steal and break the law with little to no consequences.
Lobbyism groups allow the same individuals to time and time again, break the law and have little to nil concqucnes. Brutal discipline, and law got me sober, You ever hear the saying “ You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help him or herself”
People and Individuals need to be held accountable for their actions, and their effort. While also taking tone such well through actions for change on the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, and far too often even on the flip side of present individuals are hurt, and well intentioned change sometimes is led into persecution such as current immigration reform, 9-11, the patriot act, and reform needs to be brought with caution.

The country is lucky to have a place like san Francisco in the post-911 world, but individuals abuse well intentions, and makes it hard for people who want a change and the good due suffer for the evil, I strongly urge in whatever reform Mayor Gavin Newsom, and Governor Arnold chooses to do, procueed with caution.
History is a great way to change the present by learning mistakes of the past, to avoid making so in the future, I urge good balance and judgment of our elected officials serving the public. I urge individuals to choose the best where there can be freedom, liberty and justice for all. In trolley compassionate, non-judgmental, liberal, but maintaining balance, accountability, and protecting peoples civil liberties fair and balanced.
Something does need to be reformed in our country as a whole, but truth be told there is no easy answer to a complex problem.

However, we find the answers, I give you food for thought with peace, love and justice and the American way. It’s scary times right now and times are tough, be we have faith. I love this country the direction of loss of civil liberties.



--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Progression into Starting up a Brand New Day

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Had a great meeting yesterday morning, ran into someone who was a bit older and a newcomer and partied hard in Houston Texas off all places, its true in the rooms of aa, and al-anon its not hard to party hard in Houston, theres not much else to do than die of boredom.

Slept a bit ok, last night, I had nightmares awoke at 11:45, awoke a few more occasions. Continued to awake more and more, tcb this morning, might attended church or a meeting, have commitments tonight.

I’ve been thinking places like the San Francisco GLBT Center, Al-alano club, marina dock, Castro Country Club, are not healthy for me in co-dependency, and I don’t feel welcome or a fit in, I don’t feel I have a place in community, maybe it’s my own selfishness, and resentment, and other individuals being overly judge mental, or the fact I think too damn-much.

I had a Billy idol look alike yesterday hit on me, on the N Juda, with a parrot on his shoulder, this morning aI had a few more individuals hit on me as well. I continue to grow and progress a bit more and more, and blossom into enlighten. I miss Houston overly, so as New Orleans, Dallas and Austin and my brief other stints in Los Angles.
I want equal treatment, I don’t want special treatment I had that, or when someone is overly accommodating, I want safety and welcoming and affirmation and acceptance and respect, I admit sometimes I put up the great wall of lee, its due to being tired of being hurt, and tired of being sick and tired of agony, of myself, others, over-judgmental and individuality.

I have some resentments and clarity in my drinking heyday between December 2005- July 13, 2007 off and on the binges, traveling for work, personal, and individual self-growth.

I am considering and planning on attending the affirmation conference in Los Angeles of GLBT Mormon and LDS individuals, I think it’s a hoot of prior affirmation individuals and meeting someone who 10 years ago came out in the Brays Bayou ward in Houston, Texas of all things, also my affirmation souccrage and strength gave me helped others who were semi-out or closet cases, the fuck em’ all Riot Girl Attuide worked well sort of for a while.

I don’t know anymore, I don’t know myself, I came out and shortly afterward found the bars of Montrose, Midtown and the High its and around Houston Texas, its Irion I met another drunk who started drinking at the same place.

Its ironic I met a drinking companion that used to drink, an old stone butch around now doing geographical and struggling in sobriety here in San Francisco. My oh my!

Not to be so unaccomidftioing I love San Francisco, but I don’t like the dividuon and selfishness of the community even I stood out somewhat in Texas, with my southern hospitality ultra is different in Texas and the mid west. Blah.

I dream of French Quarter Po-Boys, Texas BBQ, Los Angeles Taco Stands, New York City Coney Island Hot Dogs, and much more, and many miles on the odometer of small town rural America the truth is I have an eclectic background, and that is admirable.

My resentment is my Home and sancuitrualy was violated, I hurt other people as if I was hurt, I lost my friends and respect in the Houston Transgender Community, and the GLBT community. I am not much better than others are. I felt like I was honorable and left.

I need to break free be around positive influences, I have a lot to do this week at the DMV, and other places and to move on. After I take care of some of these issues and the IRS and other matters. I will move onward, maybe even seek work in Austin, or Portland, or Seattle maybe even Salt Lake City I am open a bit.

I have a doctor’s appointment this week, and a few other matters. I also have a meeting in the works sort of. And continue to grow into inner enlighten and inner peace.

Grattuide List
1.) I am an adult and reasonable and accountable for my actions and the consequences of such I am able to not panic and go on the crazy train and deal with it
2.) That I can stand up for my boundaries but in a passive respectful way that does not harm others
3.) That I can choose to do the right thing, and how I present act and react has large influence on others
My life Is what I make it, and I need independence and faith and enlightenment.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Friday, July 18, 2008


This week in all as been very productive and disciplined in my actions and inactions

Gratitude list
1.) Grateful for having a wonderful support circle and just what I need and am ready for
2.) Grateful for having folks who love and care about me and want the best for me given present cirmstanaces and criteria
3.) Grateful for being able to choose the right, and make a stand and maintain balance and sanity


The Court thing went well; I took a survey for Discrimnation for the Transgender Law center yesterday. My notarized and certified copy of my name change is here, I have the DMV, tax office, IRS, and the alameda country clerk on the agenda as well as the social security office to finish doing it.

I also might have to seek out a restraining order from a few individuals who have verbally, physically and mentally harassed me for my safety or at least file an order of harassment documenting it for my safety.

Furthermore, I composed and have a finished DL-328 for the California department of motor vechailas certifying gender change. I continue to grow, and know I am not perfect, I might send the law center something for the propose of well respect and kindness for their help.

I know I can be emotionally draining, and very co-dependant. Lately I need to find a since of self and individuality. I spoke to a friend I met at the support meeting at Berkeley’s Pacific Center recently and she is ok, though not the best mentor for me, we can help each other in many areas. She reminds me of where I was in 2005, shortly before I started drinking
I have therapy next week, and to pick up some meds at the drug store later in the week. I also have some; I also have an appointment with another doctor, and a medical appointment in the next few upcoming weeks. I am going to go back out to the pacific center in the next few weeks. Berkeley reminds me a lot of Montrose, and is not as intense and insane in the city even Oakland and piedmont is very relaxing to me.

Picked up some of the mail yesterday I had a heck of a lot, I hope that jacket comes in soon; I also have my doctor’s appointment next week as well. I sent the information to the doc also as well.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Thursday, July 17, 2008

The chronicle has a excelant article . I made the proper choice, I feel even if others locally in the GLBT and TG community disagree. I know I am making the proper choices, I have not repeated my past transgressions as I did in Houston.

I miss Texas and Houston dearly, but cannot live on with my resentments. I hope others are doing well, and those whom I offended moved on. I currently have someone and confessed to my sponsor Saudi S. about my transgressions and past, and why Mike Scares me more.

It’s funny how things worked out, I miss the lDS church, and have a few more blackouts between 2005-2007. I left Houston very quickly because it was the Honorable thing to do, give my history and how I treated people.

I left to humble myself work the steps which I am doing and managed to keep a sponsor for almost 3 months and continue to grow and prosper into enlighten and inner peace.

My name change and my DL328 and ss-5 forms are filled out but in new lee fashion I won’t overload and try and doo too much, I’ve kept a bit of a low profile lately as I also work on some charter defects.

I’ve also worked on a story and need sometime alone to humble myself, and work on changing my heart and dealing with the geographical culture shock.



Gratitude List
1.) One that I don’t have to drink today
2.) That I can admit defeat to my social co-dependency
3.) That I can change my charter defects.

I managed to recently also admit some things, and build more of a support circle and routine as well as continue to clean dirty laundry from my past, make amends to my creditors and also get my truck transported via motor freight to California, possibly san Francisco, los angels, or maybe phoenix and drive it back.

I admit San Francisco nor the east bay is all its made out to be, I have a few good employment prospects given when my truck is out here, I found a good posse batty insurance company and continue to make amends, I also cut some ties for my time and space.

I moved on, I called and touched basis with my wonderful therapist Melanie Morrison recently, just to let her know I was ok. She really helped me let go and admit defeat as did, others. Ray Hill is a man I deeply admire because of being who he was a gay man, now a gay old man in 1950s Houston Texas.


I admit I did not go to the living sober conference, due to the possibly of ruing into old queers there. From Texas, but the truth is I still resent what I did to the Houston Transgender Community and GLBT community as a whole. I hurt, it’s not christen, lily, Zoë, shadow or Carolyn, or Phyllis I am angry with its myself. I hurt for how I acted toward and represented the community, chirstan and her site was just a outlet, ah the power of resentment.

I hope one day she approached me or we meet (and she approaches me) I am afraid of her because I am afraid of the monster I became inside in my drinking. Using her, lying, cheating and various pity parties and tantrums and rants and raves. Maybe its my heart that’s bokren, but who knows?


One person I was affiliated with was killed by the Houston Police, a few others sit in Huntsville, a few others are in County Jail, one committed suicide. And life goes on, I also watched 3 people witjh long term soberity leaders of the SF GLBT community go out.

I’ve run into one of my drinking quinces in San Francisco, struggling. Imanage that 2500 miles away from Montrose, who knew?

Life is scarey but I keep on ticking but no longer drinking.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

My change in name and gender went relative well, I also made some monetary amends and called a few folks to make amends and deal with other issues for the matters, I on Sunday celebrated q year sober.

My HRT and meds came back very positive and affirming, my hormones are a bit back into adjustment, I have a Dr. Appointment in the east bay in the next week.

I have the SS-5 form for the social security office, I need to go to my bank, finance company, DMV, alameda county recorder’s office. And much much more in the next few weeks, but not go so much to turn burnout and insanity, I also have a DL328 as well for my gender marker for my drivers licenses, and also have a driver’s test.

I found a new insurance company and need to seek replacement documents for some insurance matters in importing my truck into California. The Texas truck moves on trucking out of the lone star state.

I confided in my doctor and will do so to my therapist in a few matters, which I had not disclosed out of fear of rejection but honestly is the key to the pursuit of happiness. I admit defeat and am willing to be honest, just more selective and secretive and evasive in who, what and where I suggest.

I also for a few other matters am torn between some good auto Insurance quotes I have gotten for my 4x4 Tailgate. These matters take time and as a late Capricorn borderlineing or aquarious. I am progressing but being careful not to burn out again, and maintain discipline

I am over my romantic loss, and hurt. Never say never again, and discursion. Is necessary per say. I have individuals make passes at me on occasion but reject in the favor of faith, and future enlighten. I have therapy tomorrow and a few other things today


Gratitude list

1.) Grateful for being able to admit being helpless in My drinking, OCD and getting on the crazy train without the help of fellowship, hard work, and determination
2.) Grateful for life, and court and starting a new one
3.) Grateful for understanding that I need to change myself, and make myself more of an asset rather than a liability.



Today thins to do

1.) Post Office
2.) Drop Documents off at storage
3.) Go walking/ rest and relax
4.) Drink lots of water
5.) Work on papers for clients
6.) Mail Letters and documents
7.) Print Forms at Library for conference in Los Angeles
8.) Print Documents for my pickup truck regarding Texas, Louisiana and California DMV, country tax office, and DPS
9.) Print Drivers diocese documents
10.) Print forms for Finance company, bank and other options with name change and fill out and mail proof of documentation
11.) Send finical amends to creditors and debtors.



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Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The discovery of myself, I sit awaking my name gone from Leigh McInnis Gaetjens to McInnis Lee Gaetjens, my DL-328 on gender also changing for stealth. My name might change again; this does not attempt to obscure my past, as much as it does, builds the road ahead to the future.


I am afraid very afraid, of the past, present and future. I know it’s ok, I hope my sponsor gets here in time, given my knowledge of bureaucracy and how civic and others matters work and knowing a lot about how to cut through red tape for myself, and slide out of trouble.

I have tears of pain today with this mater. I ALSO Hurt with various resentments locally and far away into the lone star state. I hurt more and more daily and continue to hurt in my soul with resentments toward what I did.

My name change went through un-eventful my fear of my father and others whom I resent and resent me went through, my sponsor went with me, I also have the DMV, tax office and a few other affairs, the court house in San Francisco is much cleaner and drama free than the Harris County Courthouse. I miss Texas, and others, after affairs are taken over I’ve had a few really good prospects in DFW and Austin and a Few in Houston, but the city of angels might be in order, or on the road in the SF bay area and north up in marlin country and beyond, Portland and Seattle and SLC are also not impossible.

I ran into on Bart a few old LDS church friends and foes problem visiting from Texas, or Louisoaiana recently, a few weeks ago I spotted the elders around near Union Square.

I’ve seen another person with long term sobriety, I awoke today and was told I look good which is proudly a good thing, I’ve been getting to bed much, much earlier per say. In addition, drawing the binderies for my HALT and co-dependency issues.
I made my complaints, but am again afraid and too kind to go forward, yesterday I told a guy where to shove it who was on the Height –Ashbury bus who was drunk and reeked of needing a bath. In addition, was drinking a 40 on the bus .Folks sometimes need a good kick in the ashes and I was a bit moody and selfish and told him where to shove it.


I still immanency miss the LDS church, I’ve through of going to Salt Lake city if work permits for a visit at least, the generally center would be a bit amusing, and also I know someone in a temple square mission.

I kept my service commitment today and helped clean up, and also when going shopping at the local Safeway saw some drunks purchased there morning 40 oz and drinks, blah.

Perhaps in time Ill grow more and learn more before I am able to grasp it, I go to the early mooing meetings to surround myself around folks who are positive and uplifiting and affirming. I need to keep it moving to get well, and know if I don’t go I get Insane on myself.

Grattuide list

1.) Grateful of being able to choose not to panic and do too much
2.) Grateful toy be able to say I don’t know, ask for help and chill the fuck out
3.) Grateful to be able to settle down and not overload and do too much.

Ciao.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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Monday, July 14, 2008



The reality is I learned more about my spirit, and self and personal self will, slept well last night got up, going to bed early tonight very likely, have some things tomorrow to do. Furthermore continue to compose my life, and personal affairs and interpersonal actions, in-actions and relationships, working on rehydrating myself today, lots of water is on the addenda.


Furthermore, I have a busy week and next few weeks, made some amends by telephone today, I also have to get the civil court documents for my name and gender chance tomorrow. McInnis Lee Gaetjens will be no more, Leigh McInnis Gaetjens will be Legal.

I got and obtained a few insurance quotes, as well as shopped around a bit for parking and other storage matters, I might conceder moving my unit further for myself and future, I ate a bit last night too much and pigged out.

I am as we speak doing some laundry matters. At one of my various laundry mats I use and frequent, had a good AA meeting this morning. I also might do another given the hectic week. I also have to go back to my electroisitst and make my appointment later in the week at the doctor and adjust my little sleeping patterns accordingly.

I might this week again, try to make it out to the pacific center and Take Care of Business furthered more, I think this time, I’ll get off at the Berkeley BART stats ion, I’ve been in talks with a few trucking companies to transport my pick me’ up truck into San Francisco so I don’t have to deal with TSA Bullshit, however I might get it moved to Los Angeles possibly, I’ve always wanted to drive through west Hollywood, but this is not a vacation.

Seriously, good things are happening now given the Capricorn I am, and the good thinning in the cosmos that is going on, and I am busy and hard working and business before pleasure.


Gratitude List

1.) Grateful for being able no to reinforce others negative behavoiouyrs and actions for the crazy bus
2.) Grateful for being able to be positive, outgoing and affirming
3.) Grateful for being able to be honest, committed to finding sanity in my sprit



I also today must work on my 4th step I’ve been slacking a bit in those areas, I need to get balance which is what I struggle with, I left Houston due to my resentments over what I did which I shared with my sponsor, and It was important to me to become a legal resident in a state, city and county where there is gender indity protections.

Each day I see a TG woman in the fincial distrct or something else and they go oh shit she knows. Its important to me, I miss Texas but I would never become a legal resident there, I’ve had some offers where I get to travel again, and I miss time on the road with my 4x4 adventure, fame and fortune.

Home is where the heart is, and I looked at a few communizes in the east bay as well as in San Francisco. I also like the freedom and when the timing is, perfect things will work out better; regardless I know my time is to clean this Dirty Laundry with the IRS and finances, work and things in my past.


I have a superb foundation on sobriety and maintain it such.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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Sunday, July 13, 2008

Today is my birthday, for AA, one year ago I phoned up Ray Hill the same ray hill of the prison show, and hill vs. Houston supreme court. I went to LAMBA Center in Houston and went to a meeting. I have been through hell.

I came to San Francisco January 6th 2008. A bit more than 6 months ago, maintained continuous sobriety, went through co-depeandanctsas, got “86ed” for one year, and 86ed “until further notice from another AA establishment.

My worst AA day recently was a day when I got 86ed form two meetings, and ended up going to 8 meetings in a day, I was tired and had a blackout in San Francisco in 2006 Remembered. This morning after showering and getting nice, I noticed my eyes are blue and as pretty as ever before, I am back down to about 150 lbs and getting slimed and nice.

I attended the TG support group at the pacific center, I also started back therapy, and going to a another counseling program and exploring options, I have a few more sessions at my electrosisit, and this week I get my name and gender change and a few cosmetic options done, I also go get the results of my Hormone Levels.

I had the spiritual awaking of what I did to members of HACS, The Houston Transgender Community, and The remembrance of what UI did at the Day Of remembrance event, the unity bouquet, and various parties I crashed.
I remember various trips to The Houston City Jall, The ICE Immigration and deportation center, The Harris County Jail, The New Orleans Police Sub Station, The San Francisco Sub Station, an Austin Substation, and a Dallas Substation. A Texas DPS I Substation, a California Highway Patrol Sub Station, an LAPD Substation, a NYPD Substation.

I remember being detained for Disorderly Conduct, Lude Conduct, Lying to the police, Suspicion of Murder, Patriot Act, Terroristic Threat, Resisting Arrest, failure to comply with law enforcement officer, evading arrest, abuse of 911, filing a false police report, drunk and disorderly, detained for lineup and being a suspicious person, hold for ITERPOL check, and NCIC.

I remember breaking legs for a Loan Shark, my shady connections a few people I know in various cities have become killed recently by the police, are in jail or prison, or committed suicide.

I admit various things and transgressions to my 10th sponsor and the charm, someone who is a tough and butch as me, pretty and bi-sexual. This morning I had a woman make a pass at me, not the first time, was groped and fondled by surprise I had to end it, it put me in a compromising posit, and the time and place was very inappropriate.

I had a guy this week propose to marry me, I sort of like being the mystery woman, I choose my friends, some try and choose me. I am a good judge of charter; I get up in the wee hours of the morning to attend this meeting because I need to be around positive people and individuals to be more affirming and in good company and spirits.

I want better, I met someone in the program who is Intersexed, I suspected she might be or TG, I do care about her, I didn’t know she was taken or whatever, but I respect others boundaries, Its obscure in California there’s less monogamous realtishionships.

I also had someone start making out with my feet, obscure. I am going walking this morning to the meeting and getting more of a work out, more and more for myself. I also made some friends, and have obtained a Transition mentor I think.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for being able to do a honest 4th step
2.) Grateful to be making a living amends tribute to past resentments
3.) Grateful for being alive, sober and aware and in control of my actions, in-actions and emotions.

Im ok, and feel well. Ill be ok and going to a meeting in a bit, Im just a bit tired, bitchy and need my space.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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Friday, July 11, 2008.


Questioning hate and Decimation, A Essay on Transphobia, from San Francisco to beyond, an Insight into people’s fears of the unknown.

By Leigh McInnis Gaetjens

San Francisco is a wonderful place, equity the forefronts of the GLBT movement and the pioneering city and metro plex of the GLBT equity movement, Americas most European city.

Trans_Phobia is the result of Segregation, and degradation and Discretion of the Transgender community; peoples negative stenotypes, a few people who have no business as describing themselves as TG, and have serious mental health issues and have zero business transitioning.

We as Transgender women and men, need equal treatment not special treatment, but equal treatment, I hate when I am mistreated weather verbally, physically or emotional or mentally.
The Law applies to everyone; I just want the right to live.


Ill shares some of my expirees at 6 months in San Francisco.
1.) In January 2008 was mugged with a knife in the film ore district, and told I can be mugged or assaulted and abused my San Francisco Police when I called for service, I was handcuffed and searched, and told they had 4 units looking for the suspect. I was integrated about drug use, protection, and warrants. (which I had none)
2.) April 2008I was mugged on the MUNI Metro and told I was problem prostituting myself on the train, and no report and the law was not enforced again
3.) May 2008 I have been lynched in a communal shower by other women with Hateful GLBT slurs, had a photo taken of me with a camria phone
4.) May 2008 - I have been verbally abused and harassed by other women when sleeping
5.) June 2008- I have had a 22-caliber handgun pulled on me, out of hate and intimidation.
6.) June 2008- I was punched in the face (In clear view of a police officer) On The MUNI / Bart Station for no apparent reason and called slurs and laughed at when I was ok.
7.) I have had a Transit cop refer to me using trans-phobic and hate speech when requesting proof of payment, refuse to take a report for the mentioned
8.) I was groped while wating for food, and laughed at
9.) I’ve been told to “get some bass in my voice and be a man” by a authority figure
10.) I’ve been told by Law Enforcement “ I can’t be raped or sexually harassed, I choose this and do this to myself, be a Man”
11.) Emergency room, upon discovering the female patient who collapsed was transgender due to stress and dehydration was treated poorly, and after signing a waiver of treatment and liability due to poor treatment, was cleaning up in bathroom, was escorted by armed security guards for trespassing in the bathroom. (I was washing the vomit off myself)
12.) I was told by an EMT, to go back where I came from, You’re not local are you the accent is from the south
13.) I was told to go back to my country (given my un-common last name) or whatever planet I came from by Law Enforcement
14.) I was told “Lee” you are a man, you do this to yourself, quit complaining you want to be a woman, but quit complains about how people treat us.
15.) I was questioned about my “alterative lifestyle” and what my “plumbing” is.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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Friday, July 11, 2008


The reality of myself and further enlightenment and eye-opening experiences for myself. This morning was glorious and peaceful for myself.
I met with my wonderful sponsor yesterday, I am planning on a meeting later today, I made arrangements for tonight, and plan to go to the support group in the east bay. I also need to make other arrangements and I push myself hard for what is Necessary for myself.
I also am working on my essay on Trans-Phobia and Discrimnation and hate in San Francisco and beyond. A look at decimation and people’s fears of the unknown.
I also as of late am afraid, this Sunday I have 1 year sober, and what a year it has been, I met with my sponsor yesterday. I also this week went to the electro cist in the East Bay, and had more work done, my face is breaking out, in the next few weeks I will go back for more, work.
Furthermore, I am lucky to have started young, in my transition; I also am going to get back to walking more, and eating healthier more in moderation for soul and myself.
I hurt and told my sponsor my pain of what I did to individuals in the GLBTQ community in Houston, Texas ; New Orleans, LA and other places of shame.

I hurt for myself, I hurt knowing what I did and hurt bleeding in my heart, I have some trouble letting, go this week I have been lynched a few times, sometimes just doing basic things such as grooming and bothering.

Ill shares some of my expirees at 6 months in San Francisco.
1.) In January 2008 was mugged with a knife in the filmore district, and told I can be mugged or assaulted and abused my San Francisco Police when I called for service, I was handcuffed and searched, and told they had 4 units looking for the suspect. I was integrated about drug use, protection, and warrants. (which I had none)
2.) April 2008I was mugged on the MUNI Metro and told I was problem prostituting myself on the train, and no report and the law was not enforced again
3.) May 2008 I have been lynched in a communal shower by other women with Hateful GLBT slurs, had a photo taken of me with a camria phone
4.) May 2008 - I have been verbally abused and harassed by other women when sleeping
5.) June 2008- I have had a 22-caliber handgun pulled on me, out of hate and intimidation.
6.) June 2008- I was punched in the face (In clear view of a police officer) On The MUNI / Bart Station for no appernt reason and called slurs and laughed at when I was ok.
7.) I have had a Transit cop refer to me using trans-phobic and hate speech when requesting proof of payment, refuse to take a report for the mentioned
8.) I was groped while wating for food, and laughed at
9.)



Those are just small examples of whets gone on but I stay sober, it’s not easy but not every fight is worth fighting and winning for, it’s not what it’s about, I miss Texas and Houston dearly, I don’t like what occurs the drinking and drug use that is tolerated in the city of San Francisco, it’s wrong.


I looked at a few places in Oakland, and Berkeley. I however need time to finish things out in the city and work on some of my PTSD and depression issues.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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Wednesday, July 09, 2008


The reality of myself and life is I need to continue to progress into enlighment. I last night again, was treated nasty by another relentless woman and this morning with Trans-Phobia Violence, hate speech. I look the other way.

This morning near the cesspool intersection on sin, at Polk and Geary which is near nasty bars, pono shops, and seedy nightlife, given my brains beauty and street smarts, some dickhead was a bit aggressive, I just want to be left alone, I don’t like what goes on and is tolerated in the city, I don’t like the ramped drug use, protection and other affairs of self.

I disagree with the cities policy of allowing folks whom use drugs, and drinking and so called liberal garbage of harm reduction, which only negatively reinforces negative self-destructive behavior and actions, and keeps folks drinkers and drug addicts and criminals out of where they belong Jail!

So called harm reduction is just that a waste of Taxpayer money, reinforcing drinking, drug use, and sex and seedily adult and illegal activities. It’s wrong, the city and county and state and the Country is a whole has become the laughing stock of the world, we have let our infstructre, public safety, and other affairs slide into disarray and the United States of America is on its way to becoming from a superpower to third world country, Americans should conceder revolting, or demanding change, we as the people have the power.

It is not just about Harm Reduction, and drinking and drug use. Its deeper than that The United States Government, has lied to the American people, about many things, Katrina, Iraq, we allowed our self to become co-dependant on other countries and let our infstructire, government, and other affairs get bought out by private interests, Americans have become lazy with too many creature comforts, and lack of hard-working American ingenuity.

People come from all over the United States to take advange of this city, who just want to use all day and abuse, I’ve watched two people with long term so

People come here to abuse the system people with no local ties, I do have area ties with my parents and birthplace, I should be entitled more than else, but that is my own selfish thinking, in my sick recovering 1 year on Sunday alcoholic mind.



Gratitude List

1.) I am grateful I am aware of my shortcomings
2.) I am grateful I can ask for help and admit fault.
3.) I am grateful I can change my environment.










--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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Tuesday, July 08, 2008

The understanding of myself and further understanding of development for my soul. I need to discover more about life, myself and my future and keep progressing

Yesterday I went to TH and Took care of some affairs, it sickly brings me great delight that young person was parentally “86”Ed per say. She reminds me of some of my conduct with my biggest resentment, I did not go to living sober due to the fact of I didn’t want to see others whom might be upsetting while doing my 4th step
Spoke to LUanna a bit today have my usual appointment again, I have been a bit alone and just moping around about some issues I need to iron out, made some amends recently with someone else, I continue to move on.

Furthermore, I have a busy week this week and next tomorrow I have a doctors appoint for a bit more electronics work in the east bay, I have a few other affairs to take care of, I had some items come in recently at the post office, as well.

I went out with my sponsor for a friendly breakfast, I think they arrested one of the disrupters in the morning meeting faintly, at least I can admit fault thane I cross the line, and not every battle is worth fighting for.

As of late I have been hurting more, mostly I had another flashback to my childhood, with my mother in BART, my parents fighting my mother and father using me in-between caught in the cross fire, I don’t know why almost 23 years later at age 27 these suppressed memoirs are coming back, very painful things.

I have some personal status quota issues to work on I also did more of my forth step today as well, and have some social issues, I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, I also made amends this morning as well. I am not good at being social and respectful, I am a lot like my mother young, boatful, we look alike, smart, well-traveled and spoken, attention to detail.

I swore I would never become as Minulipiiver, using, lying and self-denial, pity-party drama queen, us I did, I do not want that I desire very strongly to change myself, and attitude. In addition, improve upon my interpersonal enlightenment

Regardless, I feel as if life moves on, and I know where, am aware of my shortcomings, and am working on them. The pain of clarity and letting go, and changing my life, and style of such proceeds and becoming a better person by surrounding myself around positive influences, and stopping my co-depdanccy, and not holding folks hostage.

My gratitude List
1.) Grateful for the fact of I know my boundaries
2.) Grateful for the fact I can respect others
3.) Grateful that I can discover my own personal Jesus fucking Christ


I miss my faith, but I don’t have a home, the only home I have in myself, heart, and working hard all day. Moreover, finding peace, and recovery and joy. I hurt I wish I could be welcome, I feel out of place at times in San Francisco, with the GLBT community, the TG community, I disagree drastically on some view points with my family, the LDS / Mormon Church, the TG community, the GLBT community as whole both in San Francisco, Houston, New Orleans and beyond.

My viewpoints on the right to bear arms, capital punishment, GLBT equity, marriage, Transgender Incline rights, EDNA, the 1st amendment, the 2nd amendment, the war in Iraq, abortion, use of deadly force, the right to protect yourself, hate crimes, laws, drug policy, Harm Redaction, welfare, grants, education, forgen policy, immigration, and more convertianl topics keep me part in individuality and alone on the lonesome highway.

Perhaps I fear being hurt again, loving someone, becoming attached to someone again, Perhaps I just need time for me, and to break out of my shell, and find myself. I am nor republican nor democrat, I am me, I m Lee, and I am free from the matrix, bondage of religion, family, faith, and just searching for that something out there where I belong


Anyway, I have duties, tasks to perform, and more for myself, ciao.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

The understanding of myself and further understanding of development for my soul. I need to discover more about life, myself and my future and keep progressing

Yesterday I went to TH and Took care of some affairs, it sickly brings me great delight that young person was parentally “86”Ed per say. She reminds me of some of my conduct with my biggest resentment, I did not go to living sober due to the fact of I didn’t want to see others whom might be upsetting while doing my 4th step
Spoke to LUanna a bit today have my usual appointment again, I have been a bit alone and just moping around about some issues I need to iron out, made some amends recently with someone else, I continue to move on.

Furthermore, I have a busy week this week and next tomorrow I have a doctors appoint for a bit more electronics work in the east bay, I have a few other affairs to take care of, I had some items come in recently at the post office, as well.

I went out with my sponsor for a friendly breakfast, I think they arrested one of the disrupters in the morning meeting faintly, at least I can admit fault thane I cross the line, and not every battle is worth fighting for.

As of late I have been hurting more, mostly I had another flashback to my childhood, with my mother in BART, my parents fighting my mother and father using me in-between caught in the cross fire, I don’t know why almost 23 years later at age 27 these suppressed memoirs are coming back, very painful things.

I have some personal status quota issues to work on I also did more of my forth step today as well, and have some social issues, I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, I also made amends this morning as well. I am not good at being social and respectful, I am a lot like my mother young, boatful, we look alike, smart, well-traveled and spoken, attention to detail.

I swore I would never become as Minulipiiver, using, lying and self-denial, pity-party drama queen, us I did, I do not want that I desire very strongly to change myself, and attitude. In addition, improve upon my interpersonal enlightenment

Regardless, I feel as if life moves on, and I know where, am aware of my shortcomings, and am working on them. The pain of clarity and letting go, and changing my life, and style of such proceeds and becoming a better person by surrounding myself around positive influences, and stopping my co-depdanccy, and not holding folks hostage.

My gratitude List
1.) Grateful for the fact of I know my boundaries
2.) Grateful for the fact I can respect others
3.) Grateful that I can discover my own personal Jesus fucking Christ
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
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