Progression into Starting up a Brand New Day

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Had a great meeting yesterday morning, ran into someone who was a bit older and a newcomer and partied hard in Houston Texas off all places, its true in the rooms of aa, and al-anon its not hard to party hard in Houston, theres not much else to do than die of boredom.

Slept a bit ok, last night, I had nightmares awoke at 11:45, awoke a few more occasions. Continued to awake more and more, tcb this morning, might attended church or a meeting, have commitments tonight.

I’ve been thinking places like the San Francisco GLBT Center, Al-alano club, marina dock, Castro Country Club, are not healthy for me in co-dependency, and I don’t feel welcome or a fit in, I don’t feel I have a place in community, maybe it’s my own selfishness, and resentment, and other individuals being overly judge mental, or the fact I think too damn-much.

I had a Billy idol look alike yesterday hit on me, on the N Juda, with a parrot on his shoulder, this morning aI had a few more individuals hit on me as well. I continue to grow and progress a bit more and more, and blossom into enlighten. I miss Houston overly, so as New Orleans, Dallas and Austin and my brief other stints in Los Angles.
I want equal treatment, I don’t want special treatment I had that, or when someone is overly accommodating, I want safety and welcoming and affirmation and acceptance and respect, I admit sometimes I put up the great wall of lee, its due to being tired of being hurt, and tired of being sick and tired of agony, of myself, others, over-judgmental and individuality.

I have some resentments and clarity in my drinking heyday between December 2005- July 13, 2007 off and on the binges, traveling for work, personal, and individual self-growth.

I am considering and planning on attending the affirmation conference in Los Angeles of GLBT Mormon and LDS individuals, I think it’s a hoot of prior affirmation individuals and meeting someone who 10 years ago came out in the Brays Bayou ward in Houston, Texas of all things, also my affirmation souccrage and strength gave me helped others who were semi-out or closet cases, the fuck em’ all Riot Girl Attuide worked well sort of for a while.

I don’t know anymore, I don’t know myself, I came out and shortly afterward found the bars of Montrose, Midtown and the High its and around Houston Texas, its Irion I met another drunk who started drinking at the same place.

Its ironic I met a drinking companion that used to drink, an old stone butch around now doing geographical and struggling in sobriety here in San Francisco. My oh my!

Not to be so unaccomidftioing I love San Francisco, but I don’t like the dividuon and selfishness of the community even I stood out somewhat in Texas, with my southern hospitality ultra is different in Texas and the mid west. Blah.

I dream of French Quarter Po-Boys, Texas BBQ, Los Angeles Taco Stands, New York City Coney Island Hot Dogs, and much more, and many miles on the odometer of small town rural America the truth is I have an eclectic background, and that is admirable.

My resentment is my Home and sancuitrualy was violated, I hurt other people as if I was hurt, I lost my friends and respect in the Houston Transgender Community, and the GLBT community. I am not much better than others are. I felt like I was honorable and left.

I need to break free be around positive influences, I have a lot to do this week at the DMV, and other places and to move on. After I take care of some of these issues and the IRS and other matters. I will move onward, maybe even seek work in Austin, or Portland, or Seattle maybe even Salt Lake City I am open a bit.

I have a doctor’s appointment this week, and a few other matters. I also have a meeting in the works sort of. And continue to grow into inner enlighten and inner peace.

Grattuide List
1.) I am an adult and reasonable and accountable for my actions and the consequences of such I am able to not panic and go on the crazy train and deal with it
2.) That I can stand up for my boundaries but in a passive respectful way that does not harm others
3.) That I can choose to do the right thing, and how I present act and react has large influence on others
My life Is what I make it, and I need independence and faith and enlightenment.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
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