Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The discovery of myself, I sit awaking my name gone from Leigh McInnis Gaetjens to McInnis Lee Gaetjens, my DL-328 on gender also changing for stealth. My name might change again; this does not attempt to obscure my past, as much as it does, builds the road ahead to the future.


I am afraid very afraid, of the past, present and future. I know it’s ok, I hope my sponsor gets here in time, given my knowledge of bureaucracy and how civic and others matters work and knowing a lot about how to cut through red tape for myself, and slide out of trouble.

I have tears of pain today with this mater. I ALSO Hurt with various resentments locally and far away into the lone star state. I hurt more and more daily and continue to hurt in my soul with resentments toward what I did.

My name change went through un-eventful my fear of my father and others whom I resent and resent me went through, my sponsor went with me, I also have the DMV, tax office and a few other affairs, the court house in San Francisco is much cleaner and drama free than the Harris County Courthouse. I miss Texas, and others, after affairs are taken over I’ve had a few really good prospects in DFW and Austin and a Few in Houston, but the city of angels might be in order, or on the road in the SF bay area and north up in marlin country and beyond, Portland and Seattle and SLC are also not impossible.

I ran into on Bart a few old LDS church friends and foes problem visiting from Texas, or Louisoaiana recently, a few weeks ago I spotted the elders around near Union Square.

I’ve seen another person with long term sobriety, I awoke today and was told I look good which is proudly a good thing, I’ve been getting to bed much, much earlier per say. In addition, drawing the binderies for my HALT and co-dependency issues.
I made my complaints, but am again afraid and too kind to go forward, yesterday I told a guy where to shove it who was on the Height –Ashbury bus who was drunk and reeked of needing a bath. In addition, was drinking a 40 on the bus .Folks sometimes need a good kick in the ashes and I was a bit moody and selfish and told him where to shove it.


I still immanency miss the LDS church, I’ve through of going to Salt Lake city if work permits for a visit at least, the generally center would be a bit amusing, and also I know someone in a temple square mission.

I kept my service commitment today and helped clean up, and also when going shopping at the local Safeway saw some drunks purchased there morning 40 oz and drinks, blah.

Perhaps in time Ill grow more and learn more before I am able to grasp it, I go to the early mooing meetings to surround myself around folks who are positive and uplifiting and affirming. I need to keep it moving to get well, and know if I don’t go I get Insane on myself.

Grattuide list

1.) Grateful of being able to choose not to panic and do too much
2.) Grateful toy be able to say I don’t know, ask for help and chill the fuck out
3.) Grateful to be able to settle down and not overload and do too much.

Ciao.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
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http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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