Thursday, July 17, 2008

The chronicle has a excelant article . I made the proper choice, I feel even if others locally in the GLBT and TG community disagree. I know I am making the proper choices, I have not repeated my past transgressions as I did in Houston.

I miss Texas and Houston dearly, but cannot live on with my resentments. I hope others are doing well, and those whom I offended moved on. I currently have someone and confessed to my sponsor Saudi S. about my transgressions and past, and why Mike Scares me more.

It’s funny how things worked out, I miss the lDS church, and have a few more blackouts between 2005-2007. I left Houston very quickly because it was the Honorable thing to do, give my history and how I treated people.

I left to humble myself work the steps which I am doing and managed to keep a sponsor for almost 3 months and continue to grow and prosper into enlighten and inner peace.

My name change and my DL328 and ss-5 forms are filled out but in new lee fashion I won’t overload and try and doo too much, I’ve kept a bit of a low profile lately as I also work on some charter defects.

I’ve also worked on a story and need sometime alone to humble myself, and work on changing my heart and dealing with the geographical culture shock.



Gratitude List
1.) One that I don’t have to drink today
2.) That I can admit defeat to my social co-dependency
3.) That I can change my charter defects.

I managed to recently also admit some things, and build more of a support circle and routine as well as continue to clean dirty laundry from my past, make amends to my creditors and also get my truck transported via motor freight to California, possibly san Francisco, los angels, or maybe phoenix and drive it back.

I admit San Francisco nor the east bay is all its made out to be, I have a few good employment prospects given when my truck is out here, I found a good posse batty insurance company and continue to make amends, I also cut some ties for my time and space.

I moved on, I called and touched basis with my wonderful therapist Melanie Morrison recently, just to let her know I was ok. She really helped me let go and admit defeat as did, others. Ray Hill is a man I deeply admire because of being who he was a gay man, now a gay old man in 1950s Houston Texas.


I admit I did not go to the living sober conference, due to the possibly of ruing into old queers there. From Texas, but the truth is I still resent what I did to the Houston Transgender Community and GLBT community as a whole. I hurt, it’s not christen, lily, Zoë, shadow or Carolyn, or Phyllis I am angry with its myself. I hurt for how I acted toward and represented the community, chirstan and her site was just a outlet, ah the power of resentment.

I hope one day she approached me or we meet (and she approaches me) I am afraid of her because I am afraid of the monster I became inside in my drinking. Using her, lying, cheating and various pity parties and tantrums and rants and raves. Maybe its my heart that’s bokren, but who knows?


One person I was affiliated with was killed by the Houston Police, a few others sit in Huntsville, a few others are in County Jail, one committed suicide. And life goes on, I also watched 3 people witjh long term soberity leaders of the SF GLBT community go out.

I’ve run into one of my drinking quinces in San Francisco, struggling. Imanage that 2500 miles away from Montrose, who knew?

Life is scarey but I keep on ticking but no longer drinking.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
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