Tuesday, July 08, 2008

The understanding of myself and further understanding of development for my soul. I need to discover more about life, myself and my future and keep progressing

Yesterday I went to TH and Took care of some affairs, it sickly brings me great delight that young person was parentally “86”Ed per say. She reminds me of some of my conduct with my biggest resentment, I did not go to living sober due to the fact of I didn’t want to see others whom might be upsetting while doing my 4th step
Spoke to LUanna a bit today have my usual appointment again, I have been a bit alone and just moping around about some issues I need to iron out, made some amends recently with someone else, I continue to move on.

Furthermore, I have a busy week this week and next tomorrow I have a doctors appoint for a bit more electronics work in the east bay, I have a few other affairs to take care of, I had some items come in recently at the post office, as well.

I went out with my sponsor for a friendly breakfast, I think they arrested one of the disrupters in the morning meeting faintly, at least I can admit fault thane I cross the line, and not every battle is worth fighting for.

As of late I have been hurting more, mostly I had another flashback to my childhood, with my mother in BART, my parents fighting my mother and father using me in-between caught in the cross fire, I don’t know why almost 23 years later at age 27 these suppressed memoirs are coming back, very painful things.

I have some personal status quota issues to work on I also did more of my forth step today as well, and have some social issues, I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, I also made amends this morning as well. I am not good at being social and respectful, I am a lot like my mother young, boatful, we look alike, smart, well-traveled and spoken, attention to detail.

I swore I would never become as Minulipiiver, using, lying and self-denial, pity-party drama queen, us I did, I do not want that I desire very strongly to change myself, and attitude. In addition, improve upon my interpersonal enlightenment

Regardless, I feel as if life moves on, and I know where, am aware of my shortcomings, and am working on them. The pain of clarity and letting go, and changing my life, and style of such proceeds and becoming a better person by surrounding myself around positive influences, and stopping my co-depdanccy, and not holding folks hostage.

My gratitude List
1.) Grateful for the fact of I know my boundaries
2.) Grateful for the fact I can respect others
3.) Grateful that I can discover my own personal Jesus fucking Christ


I miss my faith, but I don’t have a home, the only home I have in myself, heart, and working hard all day. Moreover, finding peace, and recovery and joy. I hurt I wish I could be welcome, I feel out of place at times in San Francisco, with the GLBT community, the TG community, I disagree drastically on some view points with my family, the LDS / Mormon Church, the TG community, the GLBT community as whole both in San Francisco, Houston, New Orleans and beyond.

My viewpoints on the right to bear arms, capital punishment, GLBT equity, marriage, Transgender Incline rights, EDNA, the 1st amendment, the 2nd amendment, the war in Iraq, abortion, use of deadly force, the right to protect yourself, hate crimes, laws, drug policy, Harm Redaction, welfare, grants, education, forgen policy, immigration, and more convertianl topics keep me part in individuality and alone on the lonesome highway.

Perhaps I fear being hurt again, loving someone, becoming attached to someone again, Perhaps I just need time for me, and to break out of my shell, and find myself. I am nor republican nor democrat, I am me, I m Lee, and I am free from the matrix, bondage of religion, family, faith, and just searching for that something out there where I belong


Anyway, I have duties, tasks to perform, and more for myself, ciao.
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
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