Life in the bay area

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Slept ok met with my sponsor after the morning meeting yesterday morning. The reality of life, and where I want to go and be I continue to grow as an individual. I often wonder where I fit into the picture, and if I will ever fully recover from my trauma.

Had a coke, and a bag of jalpanio potato chips for breakfast, took my pills, uh have a doctors appointment at Lyon Martin in a few weeks, Im transferring care over there don’t have as much hobo, bullshit.
And furthermore I feel safe there. I more recently was invol.ved with someone whom I supported in her right to have an aborition. Which made me a little uncomfortable, but I think it was the right thing.

I have a doctor’s appointment in Oakland today, than might meet with a friend in Berkeley, I need to do my homework as well, Its Tuesday, and I have committed to finish this before the weekend.

I’ve been thinking of things, in January I might have a lead on a place with a lot of other queer and trans folks in Oakland for 600 a month which isn’t bad given it’s a house, and id have my own room, and they are all in their 20-somethings or early 20s which my plan is to go back to school and seek 20 hours a week work, and gradually readjust to California.

Furthermore, I plan to go back for step work to Houston, and face some of the individuals I victimized, I understand how dan white felt when we was existed and returned most likely unhappy to san Francisco and committed suicide around the time I was 5 or 6 years old the early days of my life at 4529 /. 4533 south Roman Street in New Orleans.

Given my family sold that house in 1992 or so I still miss it, it got swamped due to being in the infamous broad or but only obtained 3 feet of water inside. And was later retrofitted as a Tulane frat pad, as a house when I was in the LDS church was down the street later in my young adult hood I hung out in the houses I played with friends or otherwise as a child the big cool house with the basement over there, I miss playing in basements and urban exploration.
My night excuriouons to rooftops, tunnels, utility corridors, basements I miss in space city, Berkeley UC has some cool urban exploration opportunities.

Ive been thinking about things Mike who threatened me and I had to call the police on was very much like my drinking and actions toward christen, also I was discussing with someone a few days ago in Houston being banned, but I was never banned from the TG center, I might show up there in a few yeas and talk when visiting, and leave if im asked to, being prepared to have my heart broken.

I came out on those streets of Montrose, Houston will be special with me, but I was run out of town I felt, for what I did. When I wanted help I didn’t qualify, I was hurt, and continue to hurt. Its bad everywhere being election day, I hope for the sake of this country obama wins.
Furthermore, I have a confessional to make I voted for G.W. Bush in the last two elections when I was a right wing nut job. I have anger towards being so stupid but I thought it would be good to be honest and confess where I came from, where I went and where I am now. I also was very much a different person.

I’ve been thinking about also other things, My spiritual journey has been not very present at times in California, San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, Piedmont, Alameda, and beyond.

In addition I’ve had childhood memories my fathers actuations of my mom being a drunk just like him and the possibility that I was concaved by two hippies, and have right wing and hippie drunks on my family, two parents whom should not have gotten together, I understand how my mother felt before she died.

I miss my mother daily, I also want to build a relatshionship with my father, Ive backed off in contact as he asked, and continue to do so, every few weeks in the east bay, I’ve had some very early childhood me memories come back with my parents fighting, my mother yelling at me, etc.











The List
1.) Mail Letter for contract for California auto insurance
2.) Go meet with friends for coffee
3.) Work on info for clients
4.) Work on 2007 Tax(s)
5.) Compose letter to DLG, MLS
6.) Make amends to self
7.) Eat well &Drink lots of fluids
8.) Go walking
9.) Meeting\
10.) Laundry







Gratitude List:
1.) Grateful to be alive
2.) Grateful to be in the San Francisco Bay area
3.) Grateful to have met my father for 30 minutes
4.) Grateful to have a sponsor whom went to high school with outsmarts magazines Tim brookenver.
5.) Grateful to have a program and be able to let go of trauma and past-transgressions (no pun intended)
6.) Grateful for my health
7.) Grateful for being sober
8.) Grateful to have this appointment
9.) Grateful to have wonderful doctors
10.) Grateful to be able to talk about my feelings.














--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
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