Saturday, January 24, 2009


I feel even more unhappy, dreary, dark and depressed in the rainy, foggy wet January in San Francisco. I feel lost, adrift and lost at sea. The interpersonal relatshionsips I developed are useless, I can’t let anyone know how just sick and tired I am.

I miss my grandmother very much, as well as my mother, the rejection of my father who in reality with his actions is nothing more than a sperm donor for my mother, Dan Filled that role, and even if he is a right wing nut job, He was a man and was there for me, and a much better person than my father was.

Day to day I dream of death and look forward toward my-self termination of my mind, body, and soul, perhaps I won’t make it into 2010 and twenty eight, I might not even make it to two years sober before my death or I might kill myself shortly thereafter.

In a way a act of suicide to myself would be an informed choice, and right choice, a way to move on from this life to end my suffering. I urn for Houston, I don’t like things I have seen in the bay area. I miss Texas very much so.

I miss southeast Louisiana, but I can’t show it and I have nothing to return to. I feel much as Dan white did when He killed himself in the garage in the shame and unhappiness when he finished his parole from the city of angels.

I only want my suffering to end, perhaps soon it will. I feel people look at my different for I was accused of doing something I did not do.


IN other news, I slept well last night, ate very well this morning read part of my 12x12 for my sponsor. I also did some banking, dropped off and pickup up inscriptions and called a few friends in the program.

Anyway I have a few errands to run this week and later this week. I found some items I thought I had lost but they were recovered much to my excitement, and joy.

I have shit to do later gators.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
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