The reality of my life has grown. I had a test a test of anger, and over judgmental and my own self Hippocratic. And weird life, and judgmental actions. I had dreams, confusion of life, myself and I. Clarity and flashbacks are more and more. Reality is a bitch and so am I.
I learn more coping and commutation and mediation and growth today. I learned more and relaxed more in the moment. I also grew more and more. I have a plan of action Monday, I also have to aduiton more for a upcoming reality show, and do some job hunting as well. I have to bring closure to disorder, panic and fog.
I grow tired of folks hassling me and judging me, and trying to run my life. I am an individual and fuck em. If they don't understand or try. I don't like people, and the people who I want to like me don't like me, I try to please the devil. And dance with it.
I push those away who care, love and grow in my selfish, self pity, par, cesspool life. I am a bitch, I like power, control, and ego, and my own narcissism destroys my balance of the cosmos.
On the positive side, I slept good and well and had very pleasant and very naughty dreams. And over ate a pizza last night from papa johns, lucky for me addiction and fasting and the heart burn out of being lonely at home helped somewhat. I had a nightmare of something or obscurity. I am fasting today.
I was smart enough to order a large thin crust, with onions, black olives, and mushrooms. That went to some bullshit charity that I am un-fimmualr with from papa johns in montrose. It also was over an hour late. And was yummy except for the heartburn. I slept like a giddily school girl, on a quiet peaceful, night awoke at 5qam was out the door early this morning.
Was complemented and still sober, and have a very busy week ahead. And much to do. And It will be a bit well rough around the edges with the holidays, the rear brake job and tailgate and mirror work on my pick em' up truck. I slept well sort of. And saw a peaceful film of the bay area from a birds eye view. One day at a time I grow. And many things I want to do with life, but careful .
I think everyone should go to 12-step programs it teachs you how to live life, grow and is a goddess for the unfaithful, self-destructive and bitch and mean & hateful
I had some naughty thoughts of a harmless, scape goat free, revenge but I will not do those naught thoughts, even though someone in a meeting also did those things to others, its cool to know I'm not the only sneaky selfish bitch on the block.
I'm greatness for :
being sober
knowing I am nonjudgmental, homophobic, and self-hateful, and knowing my inner bitch
having what I have, and what I don't want anymore.
Being alive,
My acquaintance who gave me a 2nd chance on life ]
Forgiveness
the holy ghost
not knowing and learning
being grateful
being quiet and observant and finding zen
Letting go and forgiving myself
Accepting myself\
being more verbally honest, and committed and opening up more about myself
Living not existing
learning to love what I have and love myself
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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