12/10/07

I have accepted the choice, to start over cut ties, the day grows closer and closer potentional in roughly 30 days from today, the news, is clear and the choice gets near, as does my 5 month soberity and to skip town with the tools of 6 months soberity and a sponsor not now.

I have someone I want to try and be welcomed back, I will work on opening that door if its fixable. Other wise, getting out of town, going undercover, offline, and off the radar for a while. Might be in order. I know I have many, loyal readers.

I have a lot of pain in myself, and pain I caused others, I need a fresh start elsewhere, If I am rejected for help, I would cut all family, physcal and property ties, and skip town. I have to much heat in houston, a bad rep and before I link up much elsewhere Ill get help and stay in the shadows. It is fate, and a choice. Bottom out more but keep soberity and start over from rock bottom.

I love everyone here who tried, but I hurt more for myself, the agony and keeping away and riding in the shadows, I honestly to get out of town and close up this matter, spending some time in jail for various traffic offences is not out of the question, to get the fuck out of hoston.

I have some calls, therpey and things to share with my wonderful therpist but I shall. It etiehr all or nothing, in my own selfish way, I am closer to jumping ship. I have to print some things in the morning, and do laundry tommorow also. And other tasks, pack my things for my possible christmass and new years trip to my home town. And return and make a choice.

It sucks even if I go home, I cant go viist folks. They think I am a sexual pervert or preditior due to being transgender and lesbian and being transgender is veiwed as a sex thing, rednecks cant understand the vast differnace in sex, anaotnimy and gender.

Fools, I pity them. I might not even say hi to the folks, I am bitter my first christamss out spending alone at the lamaba center, better there than at the bar. Blah.

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Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)