12/30/07

I need to and must become used to pushing myself hard, again. The drive in life and reality is surreal and alive. I want to be alive, and in myself again. I don't hold others accountable to bail me, out or to blame for prior actions, inactions and the manner of them both.

The Pain, and lack of awareness, understanding is surreal, and hurts so good to let it bleed out with the keystroke, word and action now, and know when to speak and when to shut up. The time has some to make a choice and I have, in faith my higher power, zen and enlightenment.

I know what I must do, for me and myself alone. The path I walk while I talk the walk and walk the walk. Resentment is dangerous, fear of the unknown is to be justified, and understood given the reality of the insanity of my choices, life, fate and path.

People fear what they do not understand, I fear myself this town, the massive pain and insecurity and fear of the unknown on 2000 miles of IH-10 and IH-5 and 3 states and crossing the lone star state is a adventure though risky, the gains outweigh the risks, and the adventure and self-love and self-parenting and mental, physical and spiritual discipline must be kept to obtain enlightenment and zen

The other factors fear of loss, fear of life, fear of dieing ,fear of myself. I am making the right choice I know in my heart, even though the fear of the unknow faith and my higher power has shown me the path, look before you leap and take a leap of faith.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)