12/23/07

Went to a meeting this morning, Had the anger and went to a meeting in lulu of church, Slept good through the insanity of drunks, x mass suckers, and life. Pondered, prayed and learned attitude is 90% of my issues, I have tazer dart marks, a cut and scar and massive pain in my body, due to resentment, bitterness and the inner bitch.

Woke up and down, my neighbor is still having her issues, Pondering but set on the move somewhat, I have traffic court upcoming as well. Rested more and pondered at breakfast at someones house, rested more and more, and went where I had to enlightenment and zen.

Going to talk to MM before I chose to do this and that. I don't know How I live with myself being lonely, sad and depressed drinking is not a option and failure is not a option, I am uncertain, MM said The Harris County Hospital Dist has improved their treatment of Transgenders, and says I should give them a chance not to mind fuck me again, which I will not discuss, what I was told one time during a 24 hour self eval and self-commitment and other hospital districts and the MHMRA of harris county, I refused to be mind fucked further by others, I cant get the help, and medical care I need I am moving weither you know or like it or not.

I can not ask Chris, or HACS for help, I don't want to burden others more, I told MM how I feel, I am not angry, but I will not submit or I can admit my faults and defeat, I don't have a sponsor per say during the holidays staying sober is hard enough.

The trip is planned on Jan 25 after I get settled a bit, they are having a Trans gender Rescouce, and employment conference, and also I spoke to a few shelters about housing, 12-step programs and treatment.

I have meetings layed out along the way, I don't want to leave, but Being Trans gender, my past transgressions and bad choices, self destructive actions hurt, and its in my interest, Ill cerate my 27^th birthday In My birthplace, out proud, bottomed out.

I know I have to return to Houston at some point to offer my apology and amends, and pick up milestone chips at lambda, I dislike driving more and more.

Its the choice and My path to live someplace where laws protect us better, start over somepalce affriming with better resouces even though pricy. Id rather be poor and a penny pincher that go through the terror, I saw JH and a few other folks yesterday who mistreated me up in River Oaks and a few other folks from the wal-mart crowd that mistreated me. My path is zen, and self-love and sobrity and transtion even if rocky will be elsewhere not Houston.

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Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)