I know whats wrong with me, I like to be in control and right now I am not. I am a power lover, I like the idea and desire the idea of transitioning, but power, money, love and charity and I am selfish bitchy and sometimes have my fits.
I want power, control a good job again, overtime long hard hours, friends, faith, religion, a higher power, love, family, kids, a partner in crime. I hurt the holidays suck. I will never bitch at her again, nor will I bitch in front of her or others, really she is remarkable person, and I am jellious of her, and selfish power bitch I want to complain, and complain about her and that is rude and selfish, and very unladylike like to speak of.
I have been nasty the past few weeks, tonight I almost was arrested for using my own card at restraint I lost a card later found it and cut up the wrong card, and was detained for card fraud which after being handcuffed and questioned at one of Houston eating establishments was released, and paid my bill in cash after a short stint with a security guard and law enforcement. Which the card, was in my name, as the drivers license, and the truck also as well. I was cleared of any wrong dueing and did not break any laws given, I paid before I walked out while they tried to stall me.
I also remembered a flashback to 2 years ago recently, and more things that have been flashing back over and over, my brain is rebooting and growing more and more the reality is I am becoming myself. We made faith and amends, and peace and unity my next door, neighbor., the truth is we are different in some ways but in the same boat so to speak. I have a plan, fear and uncertainty. And progress is sometimes slow painful and hurting in thr mind, body soul.
My issues are real and I am a wonderful person and I grow more and more into my inner self, and awareness and accepting of my mind, body, heart and soul. I blew away so much in the past, and must live in the present, and not in a moment far, far away on the death star.
Regardless, I need to quit being miss prissy bitch and move the fuck on and don't get into issues and things that don't fucking concern me, and mind my own fucking business, at the moment. I need to let, go, and grow forward and move head. And try to live long and prosper into myself, soul and the mind body and spirit.
I have much to learn and am a baby, and much to do and some step work and to grow. And while I did not sleep much, kept my commitments to therapy today, keep my commitments to my sponsor today, and grow and live and learn, you live and learn for the past, present and future and history is a area of interest.
I am pretty fucking smart, beyond what I am I need to get my thumb out of my ass and continue to grow in mind, body, and spirit, I need to grow to live and learn. I need to free my mind further and expand in more and more into my inner soul and peace, I need to let go more and more into the inner true strange little lost girl inside, me. I need to find zen again, but to archive zen sober.
The truth is I work hard to grow and prosper as of late and have understood myself, life and love up above the truth of growth interpersonal and not. I know who, what I am and where I am and where I need to be in the moment to speak. More motivational.
--Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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