crazy drinking story from the darwin awards

September 2002, Germany) Three doctors from a Munich clinic published
the following account in a highly respected medical journal. The man
in question disqualified himself from a true Darwin Award by being
smart enough to go to a hospital and admit what he'd done. The report
is quoted directly from the journal, with the addition of bracketed
"translations" that clarify the medical jargon.

"A 31-year-old man was admitted to the emergency unit with severe
abdominal pain and vomiting for two hours. [He'd been sober enough to
notice a problem for the last two hours.] An abdominal radiograph
disclosed intestinal obstruction, and a small bowel follow-through
study revealed a filling defect in the right-side jejunum. [His gut
was backed-up because something was stuck in it]. Persistent
exploration of the patient's history [he *really* didn't want to talk
about it] disclosed a visit to the Munich Octoberfest the night
before, during which the patient had ingested a condom filled with
beer. [No, we don't know why, either].

"Upper endoscopy was unsuccessful in removing the condom. [We couldn't
budge it.] Because the condom was localized close to the abdominal
wall, it was finally punctated with a long needle under CT control.
[We stuck a really big needle in it, and it burst.] Forty milliliters
of a yellow clear liquid [we can't say in print that it was beer,
because we were laughing so hard we didn't think to send it to the
lab] were drawn off when the condom slid forward spontaneously. The
next morning, the condom was identified in the patient's stool [a
high-quality, leakage-resistant condom, showing that the man was at
least attempting to nullify his influence on the gene pool,] and the
patient was discharged in good condition."

The authors note, "To the best of our knowledge, this is the first
report on intestinal obstruction caused by ingestion of a condom
filled with an alcoholic beverage, and its successful transcutaneous
treatment. [Hey, we always wanted to be the first doctors to do
*something*!]"--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
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