being greatful and faithful

11/17/07

The discovery of myself, and awareness of life zen and stupidity and old vs new, for example climbing parking lot curbs with my 4x4 at 3am is stupid and dangerous and careless, and disregardful for myself and others.

Old vs new and cause and effect. Maybe I am to much into myself, to stuck up into me, me ,me and less observant of my own selfish actions, words and reactions and poor transgressions and vampire addictive personality of myself and others and the reality is the world is not all about me, but more about inner peace, and faith and zen and the art of self-acceptance and awareness.

I compose this inside a establishment of choice and self-awareness, of what I once was, who I was before, than and who I have grown into after my birthday and inner peace.

I have a goal in mind, and tasks I desire to finish within myself and inner peace. I however have been disrespected badly here and need to more peace

I also discovered more about life, and zen and a spiritual experance with-myself and who, and what I am as a individual and self-growth. I know I don't miss what I was like pre moving to Texas, pre drunk (in some regards) drunk and not sober, and who I was like than and now. I know I miss parts of my old self, but also Learned a lot and over came my homo and gender phobias, and did not do it sober, overcame a lot of religious issues, blew off folks who tried to help, cared and loved but I blew away.

I know I am a goof ball, a fuckup and asshole and cold hearted bitch and can be kind and giving and do the right thing and do the good thing, by myself, others and loving life and being alive inside my soul. Sort of. I feel folks treat me right to a degree of sorts, but also some do not, some falter and sucker some fail poorly.

I had a great night tonight, and good dinner, at the restraint with Cathy F and a good meeting and ate to much spicy garlic and onions and have heartburn and had a good nights rest and took care of my issues. And feel better I have paper work tomorrow, and copy's to make later have a 10 year challenge to grow into.

I have plans goals and even some sacrifice to archive those goals later, I know what I want what I had. I talked to Michelle, and understand that I pissed off people who did care, and understand what I must do with living amends, I am lucky I never did the wild sex, the illegal drugs or got any diseases from poor choices thats what I am grateful for.

I am grateful that I never caught any diseases, did illegal drugs or did the sex in large numbers. I am grateful not to have any felony's or duis, I am grateful to be alive.

I am grateful to be about and alive and what I do have sobriety, my truck, a few nice things, a bright future, and the power to say now, and a roof over my head, wonderful friends and a wonderful sponsor.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)