My Life and day today is a bit bitchy. I bitched out my neighbor last night, I don't find it funny people sticking in my business, I wanted to go home and go to bed and rest and relax. I have had a rough week, and very painful.
I brought you your diet coke, and might bring it again later, but I did not want to have dinner, I needed to be alone and grieve, and you opening your door to me would not fix that. Sometimes I just need my space, thats why I creeped up the stairs, I want peace, it pisses me the fuck off when people open their door and I cant get in my own apartment.
I didn't want to hit the bitch switch, last night but I said it in 3 nice ways. I even fucking left the chicken which I usually don't eat because I had my feelings hurt this week. And honestly I DONT share everything on my blog.
Had a wonderful therpey session, working on respecting myself and boundaries, and growing and prospering a friend of mine is going out to sing later this week karaoke, and I might help a friend this weekend fri or Saturday night. I made a few other tg friends that don't look back in fear of past transgressions. I also made a few good friends both male and female. I just need to be alone at the present and work toward my goals. I don't like being a cruel bitch to others. But I play by my rules, I am cold and kind.
I am chratiable, and like indpendance, and giving back, but also have to work on me to get my things in order. A Friend of mine was fired from her job for being trans gender recently, I am really sad, she might sing karaoke to make some money for a contest to pay bills.
I have homework to do and paperwork to do later, and much to finish. I understand I don't feel safe even though I should I need to be less EMO and more secure with myself, I need to open up more. My auto parts came today and the rest did at the post office. Have some projects in mind later this week.
I bought a funky old belt, I like, went on line and also have to return something to the store. I dreamed last night of riding on a motorcycle across I-10 coast to coast, something about riding a motorcycle in a denim skirt, and long hair amuses me dearly. Wind flapping camping and even route sixty six amuses me dearly.
I dreamed more and more of my family I have a lot to be grateful for here, I rested today, Missed cathys call. And have paper work today. I am not depressed enough for services apparently you have to be chronically suicidal or homicidal to get help in the city. Tami told me to tell them I am suicidal, fuck that being locked up is a bad choice, and would driver me further insane, I want help and to get out of my fox-hole but I cant.
I have accepted the reality you are who you are, and I have to accept things I can not change, like things I did and did not do over the course of 2 – 2 ½ years ago I must live in the present and the moment, I have accepted I will probably always live alone. I am leaving Texas, but for the moemnet I am going to make friends and accept my time here, I have much to do and not to do, and I want peace and zen again and to love myself.
I know what I must do even if I have not done it yet, I have to face the pain, I got myself fucked up this way so I will live and deal with my inner bitch.
If you cant bedazzle them with your brilliance than don't bedazzle them with your bullshit.
I miss family and friends and loved ones more and more, but understand I cant change them I must change myself, I might go shopping at borders this weekend for a gift, I have plans to go out to dinner over the weekend with friends.
I might go out with a friend while she sings over the weekend karaoke over the weekend. I have much to do and grow more and more as I learn more about myself which I am learning more and more. I have grown. Last night I lost 15dollars which really pissed me off. I know where I dropped it and I know some crack head or drunk picked it up so I didn't bother going to get it, maybe I bitched my neighbor out also about that, it matters not.
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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