One day at time, progress not prefection

4/13/08

Today 9 months ago I stumbled into the rooms at LAMBA center not far from where I took my frist drink and went from AL-anon to AA in ealry 2006. and quit of my soberity date of friday july, 13^th 2007, My life had its ups and downs.

I attended a good meeting this morning and had breakfast. I slept ok a bit late, my body and health is in not that good shape, Im afraid of dieing, not as much death but not knowing whats wrong with me physcally.I am afraid, of not being in control or having knowlage.

I came to San Francisco, on Jan 6^th 2008 with high hopes a fresh start and dreams and have started to live the calfiornia dream, I am insecure and hurting, because of transgressions and refusal to admit defeat in Houston., I also picked up some co-dependants, by raseing the bottom, and learned more even though I know nothing. Even though other than myself the meeting was a bit dead, the 5 folks there (myself conuted) it was one of the best meetings I have been two all week, in addaion to our lady of safeway morning meeting where most folks there have their own personal jesus, and a few queer LDS Folk who I find mildly amusing.

It stinks to some level to be in the under 35 crowd and be staight edge and sober. But I have something most folks in my age range dont, peace, love, enlightment and grattudie and faith in a higher power as I understand her and my godess and own personal jesus.

Speaking to the LDS missioanrys here about the biship my faith and wanting to estbalhs a relatshionip with the bishop and talk on the phone, and concuidering rejoining the church despite my views and transgressions and possible excommcation. I just want to talk and be friendly.

I dont know what I belive anymore, and refuse to accept and put power over to orgnsited relgion, but I am more open to it. I am more willing to talk and concider it.

I still feel weak, I slept well, had a wonderful shower and walked a bit and rode muni to my destnation and reached further enlightment for my soul and peace for myself.

I loved more for who I am as an indidviudal and my inner peace I find more about myself, and learn more day to day. I spoke to AC and CEQ and PMG and DLG, I did laundry, I might go to church. I might rest, I might finish installing V-Builltan on my webserver its uploaded and I have to do some configuration details. I also am concdering using another server with leemcg.com for some of the databases and apps I am working on and miroor and collebation sutes in the backround on other Ips and hidden logins and some public for resocures and various groups mailing lists and things like majordomo and listservs on my server.

My site in one year gets 2000-3000 hits a month thats progress and the wow factor. I know more eveyrhting I think I know is wrong, I got side tracked and well Know I am loved in San Francsico, Houston and New Orleans even if I am a bit quiet and hermit much as my mother.

I love more about myself. And know more who I am as an indidvudal I know more about myself, my faith in a higher power and god of my understaning for my soul, peace and love.

I know I am vbeing alone and iuts not a good thing, I just am afraid and need time to sort things out in my own way (sober) and Ill come back, I applied for more things and got more done, its the dizzyness, and confusion andf passing out from fatigure, and low bloodpressure, my docoter gave me some diet tips, and health and fitness and more waring signs, and told me to avoid stress and anger.

I must reamin dispalp0ined both in aa, my financal life, personal life, collage life, work life, starting over, and doing whats right. I am addcited even before I become an aa, My grandmother na duncle have addictive traits and personallitys.

From pack Rating, to food, to being a right wing nut job, we are all addits in our own way.

I know I am vbeing alone and iuts not a good thing, I just am afraid and need time to sort things out in my own way (sober) and Ill come back, I applied for more things and got more done, its the dizzyness, and confusion andf passing out from fatigure, and low bloodpressure, my docoter gave me some diet tips, and health and fitness and more waring signs, and told me to avoid stress and anger.

I must reamin dispalp0ined both in aa, my financal life, personal life, collage life, work life, starting over, and doing whats right. I am addcited even before I become an aa, My grandmother na duncle have addictive traits and personallitys.

From pack Rating, to food, to being a right wing nut job, we are all addits in our own way. I just am dizzy, confused and lighead, but focused sober and fatth restroed (Not LDS) but pro\gress not pefection and the godess as I understand her keeps on ticking one day at a time.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
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