Sunday, April 6, 2008

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04/06/08


The reality of my life and what I understand, I hurt and hurt and hurt and if I dont feel better soon, I made a choice and plan of action on how to deal with my resenemtns in a manner which wont harm anyone. I am hurting because I hurt myself in houston, and wore out my welcome the memories are too painful to live there, and in my reality of what I need to do you me, I know more about myself, life and fear, soberity and death.


I have resenemtns toward myself as listed in a few prior posts a few days ago I know more about my future, I hope things get better but I have a plan “D” if it doesnt if A,B,C dont work should I stay or go, or spin around like a record.


I have prayed pondered on this issue, and meditated deaply in my heart mind and soul, and know the answer to life and enlightment for my soul and what life ensures, and the path of enlightment and zen and what I need to do for me, not anyone else. Even though It might be a loss.


I spin round toward the golden gate below, and fire down below.

From California to New Orleans, to Harvey, to Brooklyn, and Mepmphes, and Houston and Now san francisco.

She fires up her pick up truck the last time, boards a plain in faith, and enlightment for the soul

Takes a leap of faith sober and dies in the waters down below

The church of jesus christ of latter day saints is true to a degree, but they dont accept me.

I jump off the bridge in faith drop down below into life and die in faith

Maybe to be re-united in heaven or not or hell, who knows what only time and faith will tell

I pull the trigger for the pain, and resenemts I caused others pull the tigger and jump down in pain

Death is only footsteps away, now I shoot myself in pain, and I dont have to hurt anymore, dieing in pride, I send a letter of pride and ammends, and love and honesty in the death of rain, one year sober allomost she self-termantes and sends off in joy of the afterlife and other side


just a poem I wrote, I am doing well and alive, and have things to do, before later today.




I have prayed pondered on this issue, and meditated deaply in my heart mind and soul, and know the answer to life and enlightment for my soul and what life ensures, and the path of enlightment and zen and what I need to do for me, not anyone else. Even though It might be a loss.






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Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
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http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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