Today I am stressed out and close to buring out, I feel lost, and hurt. I feel my friend potrayed me and used, me. I feel hurt, I feel I was taken advange of, and debits not repayed. I am sober, and clean and productive but for what?
For what fucking reason?
I lost all, walked away from all, have not much to go back to. I hurt, badly and suffer daily in my soul. I try to find inner peace, joy and enlightment and progress into life.
The answer is I dont know, the answer is I cant answer, the truth is, I dont know.
I sobered, up in the reasoning of stoping drinking, I left houston because I reseneted my prior actions, I was honest with others about past actions.
I am tried of suffering, badly. I feel potrayed my good, friend was a sham, she fliped out, even when I was honest she used, me. She is lazy, and doesnt know much, but was fun. I will never become co-dependant that way again, and be used. I am afraid.
I am tired, if I cant remove my desire to drink I want to kill myself, the desire to drink or kill myself to scrafivce my safety given when I drink I am a danger to myself and others is very real. Instutuoin is not, I cant admit defeat for this reason, but I move on but death and the grim reaper is near, I am tired, hungry, lonely and sober and tired of fucking suffering.
This Document Composed by
McInnis Lee Gaetjens “Leigh”
PO BOX 425081
SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94142
(713) 578-0016 MOBILE PHONE / VOICEMAIL
LEEMCG.COM / LEEMCG@LEEMCG .COM
04/24/2008 This Document composed on 4/24/2008 for the weekly meeting and upcoming board meeting
To the Board and fellowship Of the Morning Church Street Fellowship of AA 12-step meetings
Section I – The Problem
I present that Mike Has been Loud and Disrupting, and makes many members of the room feel unsafe. And further more,
(1.) Mike Continues to carry a Illegal Concealed weapon and publicly brandish a “auto club” which is not being used for its intended purpose, and also has stated “He gets beat up and in flights, and carries it for his own protection”
(2.) Mike carries a bottle of booze, into the meetings in his waist band,
(3.) Mike continues to come into the rooms under the use, of drinking and crystal meth, (self-admited) and possibly other unknown illegal and mind altering substances
(4.) Mike has made some minor threats to other women, and made many folks unsafe, and Jepordises the people who are new in sobriety (less than 18 months to 2 years)
(5.) Mike Gets up and goes to the bathroom, (possibly to use or drink) and goes in and out, and almost constantly has been disruptive and asked to leave for the past two (2) weeks
(6.)0 Mike has made me uncomfortable with his unwanted advances, and others as well
(7.) On other occasions outside the meetings, Mike in recent times has ganged op on me with some of his party street friends, and others who occasionally visit the meetings. I have been pushed down the stairs, I have been aggressively panhandled, I have had my arm grabbed outside 18th street on one occasion
(8.) Mike has said after his threats and asking him to leave, on Monday, on Tuesday that “ I am a police informant for the homicide officer that is following him and I should be dealt with”
(9.) I had to call the police due to mike making me extremely uncomfortable due to keeping a club, and deadly weapon as well as a empty booze bottle (very large) I called 911 from my cellular phone (713) 578-0016 two times at 7:30 am, mike was asked to leave shortly afterward, the police arrived around 8:18 AM. And said they would talk to him and left after I had another witness that was willing to back things up
(10.) Mike has been made aware and coached on numerous occasions about his actions terrosiign the meeting and safe haven of AA and that his actions make others afraid and uncomfortable and are not acceptable behaviors.
Section II Facts
The points outlined, above state the following Facts
Facts: #1-8
(1.) As a group which leases the Privilege to use the Space, The church that we lease from needs to be made aware of Mikes Actions due to the fact it is a insurance and personal injury liability
(2.) The Police need to be made aware of mikes actions (by groups of us making a police report at a substation) Not doing this opens the church, and fellowship to Criminal and Civil Liability
(3.) Mike is not mike, The drinking, drugs, and crystal meth and his described actions make Mike a Danger to the group and the continued privilege to use the rooms at the church
(4.) We need to make the Church Administration aware of Mike and Mikes actions, to protect the church, and us as chairs and fellowship and members from Criminal, Civil Liability and as a common courtesy given we are being allowed the privilege to use the property and being good neighbors of AA. And Maybe a GSR or Central office Rep should be further consulted
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(5.) Mike is a public safety hazard in the meeting, a Personal Injury hazard, to Himself, Others and The Group Fellowship of AA, and The Church, and a Civil and Criminal Liability risk due to the Reasons Listed In
(6.) We are not helping Mike if we allow Him to Disrupt our sanctuary, and continue his self-destructive actions.
(7.) Mikes daily actions are defeating us from our primary purpose to stay sober and stop drinking and help other members of AA, who want to stay sober, and achieve sobriety from doing such, Mikes actions are scaring away new comers, women and people with long term soberity
(8.) Mikes & Other folks acting in Mikes manner and their actions are taking away from the time from people who want to be there,
Section III
Opinions:
It is the opinion of myself and reason Logic:
(1.) That I don't have a problem with mike, I have a problem with Mikes actions and Behaviors both witnessed and documented and Undocumented and Unreported
(2.) Mike is taking advantage of our kindness, to get free coffee, get out the cold, and possibly steal (a purse was stolen recently) and use drugs or spike his coffee with booze and or illegal drugs.
(3.)Mike is using the meetings liberal spirt and forgiveness, while I genuinely do not have a problem with mike, Mike Is Not Mike The drinking, drug use, Is a danger to Himself, and others. And taking us away from those who want to remain sober, we are allowing mike to distract from the meeting
(4.) If Mike hurts anyone we as a group members, the church, and leaders could be held labile in a wrongful death lawsuit or personal injury lawsuit
(5.)Mike should not be allowed in the rooms carrying a weapon, or drugs
(6.) Mike should have a set of guidelines to be allowed in the rooms for our safety as a group from physical harm, and legal and civil law suits and the church
(7.) Mike should not be allowed to bring a booze in the meeting, Mike should not be allowed to consume coffee, continue to move around, or go to the bathroom (possibly using drugs or putting booze in his coffee)
(8.) Mike needs to be searched going into the rooms, and listen and not move around causing disruptions
(8B) Mike Needs professional mental health, and substance abuse treatment, we should try to have a judge or police officer 51-50 Himself
(9.) I haw tried to be liberal in spirt with mike, even if my own past, I have been in shoes simulr to mike, it endangers my sobriety and I understand what mike is going through
(10.) I personally believe Mike Might understand he has a problem, but cant stop his self destroying actions, I don't think he wants to harm himself, or Others. But due to his drinking and drug use He is a large danger to himself and others due to the well established unpredictably of someone under the influence of illegal substances
(11.)Mike is distracting the meeting from its primary purpose of staying sober and stop drinking, he is causing many folks to feel uncomfortable where the meeting is not productive, and therefore not achieving its primary purpose
(12.) We should try and make accommodations mike, with very strict guidelines and simple and for all members of the group, perhaps Intergroup or rules from First Place or another meeting could be adopted or drafted and approved my majority vote
Section IV
Suggested Course(S) of Action In Addtion to matters listed in Section III (opnions)
(a.) We Need to make it clear to Mike He Is not welcome until he can come to a meeting, not armed with a deadly, dangerous object, concealed weapon, or item which could be used as a device to harm others.
(b.) All who feel afraid by mikes actions, need to go to the police substation, Ideally as a group fellowship, to make a report against mike and his constant destructive actions.
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(c.) If Mike Is to continue to attend those meetings, a MALE member needs to be called upon, to search mike for deadly objects, drugs, booze bottles, Mike is to remain seated, and if he leaves, gets up for coffee, or goes to the bathroom, he needs to leave the property for the day and consider himself “86ed” until the next meeting and or board meeting given the groups feelings of that date.
(d.) If No one is available or willing to search mike, and Mike does not follow the guidelines above or that we set he needs to leave in a clam respectful manner, which does not disturb others
(e.) Mike needs to leave female members alone, that are afraid of him or not want to correspond with him, in his present state of mind, and this could be a confession for attending the 12-step meetings, if he can not abide by this rule he needs to be asked to leaves
(f)Mike due to safety reasons should be required to check bags until leaving, if he does not comply he should be asked to leave or if NO willing member able to provide this service he should be asked to leave.
(g.) I f Mike wants help, we should as a group, and fellowship of AA not destructing from our primary purpose, to stay sober and stop drinking. We Should if he asks for treatment or mental health assistance call SFPD to 51-50 him, or self-commit himself. Service is part of the fellowship of AA, and part of San Francisco Liberal Spirt.
(h) If Mike continues to make unwanted sexual advances, or harass or bother female members of AA, he should be asked to leave for the day.
(I) We should try and allow him to attend mike, with very strict guidelines and simple and for all members of the group, perhaps Intergroup or rules from First Place or another meeting could be adopted or drafted and approved my majority vote
(J) Everyone deserves a chance, but Mike and others are taking advance of our kindness and distracting us from Our primary purpose, to stay sober and help others, which the numerous disruptions, out bursts, sexual advances need to be addressed
(K) I also don't think other folks who have poor hygiene should be kicked out for that reason, everyone needs, AA, even the poor beggar, if they are not disruptive or a danger to the group another member should be swap places, with the offend individual, and swap chairs to minimize disruptions to the meeting in a discreet manner, its part of the unity and service portion that allows AA to work, and not all newcomers come from clean, and oak backgrounds, and is very over-judgemenal, and not very giving
I think application of guidelines, should be addressed on a case, by case basis in accordance with the individual and unity and service as a group at a board meeting.
.
A set of concquecnes and policty guidelines needs to be estblahsed for Mikes and other possible actions for the chair and as a group for dealing with matters such as this in the future but with the group present as a whole, but not deverting into a social group, just something very simple one page and swift so the meeting can continue as quickly as possible.
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Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
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