Friday, April 18, 2008

The Answer is, I Don;t Know, I just keep coming back!




4/18/08



The reality of my life, and progress to my chapter to my own progress. I understand more of the art of being quiet, I was rejected and Give up on my crush more recently, I need to learn to respect boundaries, I don't understand her one day we are happy go lucky the next she rejects me.


Blah, I also pushed some of my code, and worked more on my San Francisco resources, I didn't have a shower or bathroom or access again today, so I have to work something out, I managed to take another shower or half ass, I still smell clean and pissy.


I am a bit in good spirits, then reason ray hill is a friend and has a good radio show he has a warm Col. Standards southern hospitably, but friendly tell it AS IT is, personality. I have learned I need to be quiet and listen, more, the reality of my self is I know nothing, all of my life I have had these very AA habits but not the drinking, I learned to be evil, a liar and minuipulatior at a young age, I am much as my mother, my father said it best.


I have had some early child-flashbacks living in San Francisco, I also learned more about my own personal jesus. I also learned I am better when I don't get to caught in self, and Listen more and respect outs boundaries and not even though my over observation, and good detective skills, and good at putting two and two together and sharp attention to detail, given my mother called me her sharp eyes, and assailant given I was a bright child, and highly intelligent.


I feel more with my own personal Recovery depends on service, resigning the bottom, and unity and peace love and a fist of joy love and interpersonal enlightenment for my soul, and heart mind and body is a temple.


I more foawrd one day at time, learning though enlightenment, my session wnas very productive yesterday, and highly enlightening for my soul. I learned more and more about myself and continue to be born again, grow in the mind, heart and though unity reseovery.


Powerless over the past, I have power over the present minute, day, hour and half hour, each second passes I have power.



I slept good last night, had plumbing problems this morning (San Francisco is a old city) I also took care of other things, rested, ate grilled seasoned potato's, coffee, ice water, grilled onions, grilled garlic


I went walking, called the folks, took care of other things, might have to move to a different living arrangement due to plumbing and other things. I rested more, walked and fellowship with a new comer, I like life, and took care of other things, but I don't need codependacy or other parts.


I sent a few e-mails out and helped a new comer with some parts of my past and binge drinking days, I received a copy of my driving record, I am going to get my truck and property most is gone trucked to phoenix, LAX, or San Deigo.


I also composed code, the weather is lovely, I uploaded some recent photos, I have a few papers to compose for school, personal, personal business, and step work.


Myself, I worked more on setting up the servers content management system for leemcg.com 3.0 (2.0) was created than removed very very briefly, and released as 1.1, yada, yada its present form.


I also am setting up the forums, chat, and is modeled for outreach and work simulr to Christians TransHouston site, whom my resentment, towards self, and others but I move on in my planner to today.


And is also why I am not taking my flight in august to New Orleans International airport, from Oakland International Airport. I found a place to store my picked close to the San Francisco Airport outside San Francisco in the city of south sun Francisco, not far from 101, and the big mountains and hiking which you can go camping in 4x4 pickup trucks.


The other factor, is I am sober today, I am not going to drink today, get angry, go insane, or take drugs or drink. I live pretty vegan, straight edge and somewhat simple. Just some material things I am not ready to part with.


I also don't know what I want I spent all of my 27 years around others ideals, beliefs, I don't know who the real lee is per say. I will find her, I have these mixture of emotions, I don't have anger at males, other Lesbians, Transgenders, Gays, Bisexuals, Gender Quuers, Youth, drugs, crackpots, fallen women, or women of the night, I make progress not perfection.


I am grateful I enevr had to escort, drug, or other things, but I did abuse HRT and steroids, 9 months and 6 days ago was my last drink, and for that I am turely greatful. We do what we must to make it in the world.


I had to walk away because the biggest resentment in Houston was myself, not anyone sle, I had to make a new me. Its hard, but I am learning to be quiet and listen, and my cruch ona Russian lesbian has gone with the wind, I am to young in sobriety for relationships, but I have the fellowship of AA, and sobetrity and clarity, the answer is how it works.......... I don't know, I just keep coming back, and somehow it works out, one day at a time.


Your sister in sobriety Leigh.




4/18/08



The reality of my life, and progress to my chapter to my own progress. I understand more of the art of being quiet, I was rejected and Give up on my crush more recently, I need to learn to respect boundeires, I dont understand her one day we are happy go lucky the next she rejects me.


Blah, I also pushed some of my code, and worked more on my san francsico resocues, I didnt have a shower or bathroom or access again today, so I have to work something out, I manged to take another shower or half ass, I still smeel clean and pissy.


I am a bit in good spsirts, then reason ray hill is a friend and has a good radio show he has a warm Col. Sandards southern hosptialy, but friendly tell it aS IT is, personallity. I have learned I need to be quiet and listen, more, the reality of my self is I know nothing, all of my life I have had these very AA habbits but not the drinking, I leanred to be evil, a lier and minuipulatior at a young age, I am much as my mother, my father said it best.


I have had some early child-flashbacks living in san francsico, I also learned more about my own personal jesus.I also learned I am better when I dont get to caught in self, and Listen more and respct outs bournderies and not even though my over observation, and good detectiuve skills, and good at putting two and two together and sharp attention to detail, given my mother called me her sharp eyes, and assaitanct given I was a bright child, and highly intellegent.


I feel more with my own perosnal Recovery depends on service, rasiging the bottom, and unity and peace love and a fist of joy love and interpersonal enlightment for my soul, and hearnt mind and body is a temple.


I more foawrd one day at time, learning though enlightment, my session wnas very productive yesterday, and highly enlightinging for my soul. I leanred more and more about myself and contunie to be born again, grow in the mind, heart and though unity reseovery.


Powerless oever the past, I have power over the presnt minuite, day, hour and half hour, each second passes I have power.


Last Night I slept good, had some bathroom plubming problems (san francisco is a old city) and ate good roasted seasoned potatios, coffee, water, and grilled onions and garlic.


I went to my meeting, socialized, fellowshiped with service to a newcomer, and took care of a few other things





Lee McInnis Gaetjens


Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

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