Daily affirmations and discovery and sober thoughts

10/31/07

Blah tonight is a stinker, all the drunk folks. And I am sober just looking at people making a fool out of them selves, here on this patio just watching in mild amusement. I went to the farmers market today, purchased a large quainity of onions , and have to run to the grocery store, later have to go someplace in the afternoon and eveing tommorow, and early in the morning.

The Parking downtown is crap, and did briefly conicder attending the engine room, but wisely declined as well. Blah It sucks to be alone, but I like it at least here, went down town to watch the bullshit and have more greatful amongst recently relased inmates at the harris county jail inmate processing center, upon my rertun came on the patio for more well bullshit, have a paper to work on as well as other factors, and some home work and tasks to attend next week early, I also discovered more and more about myself.

I also discovered my faith and well journey to wonderland, because texas is going bye bye, when I followed the white rabbit, and I knew that, and the path has been set, because everyday is halloween.

Blah, I wish the pain could end, but I must deal with my self. My motto is fuck it, or fuck em all.

Sucide is not a option for the following reasons even if bloging and composing utterly depressing things is good enough for the reason is.

1. I signed a contract that I would not

2. what if i fuck up and make my self a cripple

3. someone still cares someplace

4. its selfish

5. I did this to myself.

6. I leave behind a nasty mess to clean up that I know to well.

7. Im fucking emo dammit

8. I am a fighter and I will make ti through this

Even though I Like life, and enjoy to a degree and sometimes am to outgoing, and a busybody, I understand that doing right and being a fighter. And to be myself, I must be selfish to myself. I also discovered that pushing people away, my terrosit, stalker, and bad reputation as a busybody turns people already sceptical of me off further. Maybe I just need to find zen, and inner peace.

I also noticed that I learned a lot more about life than I needed to more recently I did also discover more and more, and have some anger toward my father who hung up on me and hung up over and over again. Blah. Boo, Poo.

I also learned that I know more than I did than and continue to live, learn and grow more and more. And that admission, amends, and time and working on myself can heal my wounds, my sponsor I am worried about she is busy and I am shopping for a new sponsor.

In other news, I discovered more about myself and learned I am calm, collected, cool and laid back that I know more about myself than I would like to know or care to, and remember why I became a drunk in the first place.

I also learned more and more that life is good and why I love, living again and again, and How to let go and I shall discover more. We turn the page to the present.

I under stand that I push people away, maybe I need time to greive, and I hope people are doing well, but I know I take a chance when I put myself in suituitions which is why as the present moment I am composing this in the dennys at willcrest and the katy freeway near the laquinta inn and one of my favorite places inW town.

I have to pick up some items here, and make a few drops and discoverys. And also have a lot on hand this week, and to finish at hand. I also understood more about myself and I know more what i must do in the future, present, and let go of the past, and con tinue to work toward my higher power, a faith, a system, and order, from the past which is swept under the carpet, the pain, and suroundings tuned, out to zen and inner peace, I know I must continue to go running and grow, and bloom and blossim.

Rules and plans for life

1. don't panic

2. remain calm, cool and collected with each action and reaction

3. think things over

4. Remember HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) it works and use that with step #2

5. Contiune to practice fitness

6. Keep information flowing to my brain, live, learn and read and keep informed of current events

7. contiune writing, blogging and practiceing art, and takeing photosa

8. Mingle, go to meetings, make it through hour by hour, day to day, I can do it

9. Remain postive and optimisc

10. Make a list of everything I have to be postive about

11. make a list and plan every day and follow them out

12. dont sweat minor things

13. do good deeds but dont brag about them

14. do not remain overly narsscisic, self centered

15. do not busy-body, stalk, harass or practice terrosit actions

16. remember & practice an idle mind is the devils play ground

17. remember & practice a mind is a terrale thing to waste

18. dont over induldge in food

19. dont go overboard with shopping

20. dont go shopping when angry or depressed

21. make a list when going shopping & stick to it

22. remember and practice do on-to others as you would do yourself

23. keep yourself, living area celan

24. know my spirtual,emontional and physcal bounderies and respect them

25. pray and mediate daily

26. think about the future make goals follow them though

27. be secure with employement, education and life and zen

28. be more forgiveing and kind and chartible

29. dont be selfish and self-centered

30. help those in need, with service, actions and kindness

31. 
    

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)