Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Had a talk more recently with someone, as of late By my own admission I have been a bit out of line while 10 months as of yesterday of continues sobriety., I have not been as of late acting such, (some are sicker than others) But I keep on, The doctor has agreed to continue to book, and well offer, help for my PTSD, and assistance, I ate ok today, and might do more walking.

I also talked to some folks in the program about life, while I have a fuck of a lot to be grateful for I have other things not, I discuss with the possibly maybe toward the fall getting something for the winter, and next spring early next year when I should have residency for a year next Jan. Maybe moving out to the east bay and taking that flight to New Orleans, and driving back with a few stops in Texas.

I might get something more semi-perm ant. I came to san Francisco for a fresh start with 6 months of sobriety, and continue to progress, I grew tired of The Lone Star State I am a Texan by choice, native Californian who grow up in the south Louisiana and Miss, due to my father’s drinking, which in his own sickness, won’t admit his well documented faults.

Nevertheless, I am powerless over other people places, and things. And I only hope he is not hitting is new wife, which might be a younger middle-aged Russian mail order bride, and he goes of to the YMCA, Ball park and OTB, and while might be sober, will not admit he hit my mother, and she left him due to fear of me, he also cant admit, the fact is if the university saw the photos and papers of burses on me, and my mother. He would be out of the job, the only thing he has to fame is a paper that was published about Barry bonds, which by my own admission, is good just as my mother, I have the creative, smart and brains, my mother was highly intelligent, smart, and I even look like her much as she came to calfinoia in her 20s, I even have the same glasses and hair. I’ve been in the same libraries, places, and things even out to Richmond where she worked, I followed in my mothers and fathers footsteps, just as they did with hardship, stayed in rough places, my dad left the Bronx, my mother left new Orleans given her liberal sprit, I came for change, and progression. I continue into my own inner sprit.

I resent my father about the lies he told Debora st Martin, and the fact he, lied to folks. Mr. al was out sick, now that dead men tell to tales, al was a wonderful person, and went to his funnier. He also told the dark sides of my father’s bullshit, he did not want me to tell PMG & DLG He was in town, so he could “settle” and not pay child support. He wanted out of the mistake; he and (I) became very agreeing and saw a dark side of my father, and even myself and my mother, in our own insanity. I told him the reality he did not like the reality of such factors, and his lies exposed.

I made some progress had a Legal friend, who is going to try to pressure one of my large former employers to do right regarding my 2006, 2007, Tax returns and progress into enlighten, had a meeting this morning as usual. I also the legal notice should be out today, and as such, I might copy it for when I go to San Francisco Superior court, with the self-filed documents, amongst other things I need to do.

I also progressed further more into my own admission, life after death. And have a meeting with my sponsor, whom I feel totally comfortable after so much, I’ve worked steps but never very well, but I built a good foundation on prevention and program with my sobriety 10 months and 10 sponsors, and finally found “the one” That I think could work, we discussed the 5^th step this morning in the meeting.

I meet with her, it is nice to have a sponsor my own age, somewhat more lacerative rocker, and in a women’s meeting, and a Bartender sponsor. That I think fits well. I feel well for life and myself and further enlighten for my soul.

I also saw TM recently I think she went back out drinking, and relapsed after 10 years. She was a mentor it and hurts me, and she saw I noticed her, and “oh shit” what have I done? I also ran into someone else as well half hung over, this city is great, but a easy slippery place, and amazes me the liberal bullshit pot laws, maybe it’s just I got my foundation and gratitude with my auto accident, and days in The Harris County Jail. Moreover, enjoy watching shows such as cops, amw, busted on the job. YouTube police chases and video, I like the action drama, and Adriane rush of such.

I have a the3prey appointment and appointment with my worker, and a few other things, I also have to refill my HRT and a few other things, I also have thought of going to visit my dad around father’s day, and hope he shows up at the picnic. My friend got some seine into me, my problem is I got out of touch with the transgender community; I’d rather hang out with dykes, or be alone. I even used to drink in dyke bars, and Goth, punk, and live music, and afterhour’s clubs, and illegal casinos. (Its also why I get flagged by the TSA, and despite not having any major priors, nothing worse than a Class B Misdominer, I m flagged in NCIC as a possible organized crime, and other dtatsabes in Texas and Louisiana. (I was very naughty at one time but never crossed the line, and knew or was informer when to get out)

I also composed more about my life self and good self respect; I got a good self-conference, since of self, and awareness and acceptance. For my Inner sprit. I feel good, love myself, respect others, listen more and well as of late am more humble, one day at time, not so stuck up miss AA, goody to shoes, I have life. In addition, for that I am truly grateful. I hope my father and I can patch things up, I do not know him, I would like to, I don’t want anything from him, except to attempt to build a relatshionship, even if it’s awkward. I know my mother was just a fucked up insance, and the insnity of my childhood, and amdit she was just as wrong as He was, but I feel he owes me a amends. DLG filled the father role, more. After all MCG is my closest living relative.

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Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
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(713) 578-0016
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