Friday, May 2, 2008

Being Humble, Not Humble Texas

5/2/08



The reality is I love more for myself, and Had a wonderful meeting this morning, Other factors, are the reality of my life, self and understanding of self will, and enlightment for inner peace. I feel recharged, and am greatful for someone who taged me along yesteday to get stuck out of self, and co-depeandacy.


I have some step letters to work by, and found more sponsorship and my own personal jesus, I have apointments next week, I have two BBQ Invites on Sat, church on Sunday possibilly, and more to come.


I also found more of what I need and don't and hope a new friendship blossims into something more, but don't want to rush and ruin things, or develop co-dependacy, I also have backed down away from places, where I recently came off and had the displeasure while sober, and clean. Someone I have been around is not, and this person and suituion is not entirely un-avoidable, I also recetnly bitched about how Harm Reduction is librial bullshit, as are rehabs. Its my experance how I got sober.


I am pro Jail and lock up and tough drug penealitys even for casual users, but also support more customs and border enfrorcement of the large drug cartels and organised crime which smuggles drugs into the united states.


I had my moment of awakeing of my binge drinking problem, even though I was responciably, I had a realise that I might have a problem in the Harris County Jail, In Houston, texas in early 2007 and The City of Houston Jail in early 2007, I was sober shortly afterward, and made the choice to stop making bad chocies, I relpased shortly after the last Pride fest in 2007, and not at the fest but at home, after leaveing a emotionaly scarred, and abusve liviing suition and in my apartment complex.


I recently spoke to someone with the red cross, given my FEMA Deasater number, I am elggable for more aditional counceling, and I want the insainty to end, I want it to stop. I think california needs to understand the medical pot is not medicine all you are doing is allowing someone to use a federialy illegal drug, to forget their pain, there are natrual, legal, altertives.


I was hurt badly, from my accdient, workplace discrimantion, auto accident, bar fights, and tazering, and many other things, but I am stubborn like the capriororn mule I am, I know what I want and I also can be a cold hearted, selfish, stuck up bitch, with zero remosirce, its mY way or the highway, that doesnt get you very far.


I got sober the old fashioned, way I am more and very libral, and consertive on some things, I also am true to my souther roots, but also more to the spirit of the bay area. Maybe its just growing up in the south, who knows.


I am glad I burned out in insianity else where other than San Francisco, minus some drunkin trips doing money luandrying from Houston to San Francisco in my past, years ago or trips doing from New Orleans to San Francisco and Vice Versa.


I even have remebered some drunkin trips to Salt Lake City. I dont know the answers I honestly don't I just know its well not my problem and I have to move onward with life, and love of it self.


I Inivted folks to the event, and also sent others things. I might meet with my friend today as well. The others, the discovery of myself and who I am, and being and playing by the unoffical & unwrtien rules of the road to recovery and the road ahead, and getting through today is more sane and favorible than insinaity, panic and disorder.


I am very lucky to have what I have, and for that I am truly greatful and lucky, its not how much money you have, what you drive or where you live, its the heart and personal sollituide that is priceless and cant be gven, its worked and earned for in your own personal jesus, and enlilightment and personal awakeing in your moment of clarity.

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
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