Saturday, September 06, 2008

The reality of what I need to do is clear, service, step work and recovery. I cant let go of my pain as of late, I don’t know why I get so crazy and do a pos, program. But its happening, I don’t have the entergy as of late, maybe Im depressed or nervous or want these things to run through.

Went to a meeting at 8am at church and market at our lady of safeway as we call it in San Frnacisco. I also called Karen as well, and kept working, got hit on by 3 guys this morning and two girls before noon. I also spoke to someone else more recently as well.

Grattuide list
1.) Greatful to be sober, and be able to talk about my pain
2.) Greatful to be able to face reality, and not be overly concered with people pleasing
3.) Greatful to be more securie with myself
4.) Greatful to know what I want out of life
5.) Greatful to be alive, clothed, fed, sober, and bankrolled

To do
1.) Rest relax
2.) Eat sleep rest and recover
3.) Read big book
4.) Compose code, for a clinet and e-mail proofs
5.) Send information of backround to another client



I realsed something, I am so angry the chapter for employers which I read at the meeting this morning spoke out to me in tears. I need to study my big book more. I have to also study for my California Drivers test.

The thought of just running into christen Williams scares the hell out of me, if she truly is comeing to San Francisco. Is it for vacation, does she want to ruin me, does she want me jailed in Texas, I feel afraid, But Im not over her. I feel inferior as she told me things might happen, and I ruined my life, or whats left of it.

The thought of relapse when I see her is foolish as I have to choose to relapse, I go to meetings daily because I know I will if I hang around slipperly people places and things which I am right now due to events beyond my control.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
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