Sunday, February 17, 2008

The reality of life is not what you do, but what you don't do and who you are and true to yourself. The discovery of my own flaws, and defects and crimes against myself and humanity and having more compassion and allowing myself to higher standards not biblical but not thinking I am better than you or the next person, but desiring better and progress

The chapter to my own personal discovery and chapter to my gnostic and personal spirituality, individuality, overcoming my Trans-phobia, and allowing my inner child to grow without vokkia, beer, or wine or smokes is a desire in it self.

Meetings life to life, day to day, desire to progress, to change and positive optimism, and not draining like the vampire defect and personality I have but need to remove and change, the saying old habits die hard is true but the desire to change is change in self, mongering of your progress and achieving enlightenment zen, and life in it self beyond drinking, resentment, and relapse and insanity is a growth in it self.

Being progress but not refection and choosing the right, even when its hard, which I made, being a humble servant and the daughter of the goddess of my understanding, I proceed out of the deep dark tunnel that you know you have been down and where it leads, and choosing life, enlightenment, faith, chance and facing your fear.

I know I made the right choice, and what is done is done, and I am alive, and the weather is beautiful and progress is happening, I just must remain disciplined, faithful and choose life, and do the right thing, and remain focused and sober.

Laundry got done, took care of some other applications, post office is the plan on Tuesday, finance later, and church didn't happen maybe I need a meeting more and I must remain focused like the inner child, Capricorn border lining on Aquarius.

I will soon be able to fire up my pickup truck and let 298 HP ROAM WITH MY 4 WHEEL Drive tailgate into a garage I found a better deal and look often and not at plans when things come through which they are. I also have a new doctor to continue to prescribe my HRT and joined a outpatient treatment for folks who are sober, and thats good and catered toward my needs.

I found new more desirable housing in a womans shelter that is appealing, ran into a few friends, and some cute dyke's and soft studs hang out there. It hurts to see folks who gave up on hope, and life and fucked up trans genders. Oddly enough in a meeting yesterday we had to close the window due to pot mixed with crack blowing into a 12-step meeting and progress and enlightenment was archived slowly, only in San Francisco does that happen.

I also will get a meeting today, and found a closer borders to get my map of san Francisco, I also might go visit my friend again that lives out in piedmont but wont show up at MLS without calling. And have seen the Mormon temple in Oakland amongst other factors.

I compose this with hope, luck, and faith of a god, godless and my guardian angel of enlightenment, faith and a better life while in youth and progress, doing, not bitching, or suicide bull shit cry s for help, I live and have life, and feel alive, maybe I was uncertain, maybe it was the off levels of my hormones and other factors, but its happening, and I admit I am afraid, of relapse, death and being hurt or going back out at repeating prior transgressions, so I get my cute little vegan ass to a meeting every day, to practice progress, life, and the god of my understanding with other assholes, crackpots, fallen women, and drunks and those insane alike to keep coming back knowing it does work even if other don't.

And knowing my sponsor cares, and love me and I learned I have to put myself first, I have someone I like but she smokes, pot, bitches and has an abusive friend. And fell to the stupidity of san Francisco dark side, lucky for me I had a true friend whom I missed her call and hope she is Keeping up on my blog from the cab of her 2007 Freighter sleeper wherever her owner operate status keeps and and she doesn't jack-knife again.

I also love my family,f friends, friends of Bill W, people who cared, and acquaintance, those I need to make amends to, those who hurt me, and the power of forgiveness, faith and a better understanding of myself and the way the world really works both from San Francisco, to Oakland, To Berkeley, to New Orleans, to Harvey, Austin, Dallas, and the Lone Star Sate truck stops, the INTERNET, global and around the world and my loyal blog readers I wish others the best of luck and enlightenment.

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Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)