02/13/08

Phone rang at 4 am this morning, went someplace to seek assistance, might go by peter morris today also, have some laundry to do, had a great shower last night and good breakfast today. Bitched someone out that had to reason information overload. Have a meeting planned today. I'm tired and worn out but rested a bit more today.

Spoke to the person at city collage, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Self termantion is on my mind, my life is better I think but I wonder other times, Ill never hear the end of it till I admit I fucked up, I'm tired of being sick and tired.

I don't hurt as much as in fear of being hurt, or not allowed medical care, or even bathrooms. I'm just confused in it all. I don't know whats real and right, it doesn't help I deal with folks who don't believe in drunks, I don't know whats wrong with me, I'm having to learn everything all over again, I'm confused lonely and well I just don't know, and quite frankly am starting to feel better off dead.

Maybe Ill fall and spin rice round like a record baby, my lifeless body dieing on the ground of davy jones locker.

I'm tired of being hurt almost every night, I go to sleep. I am beaten, hurt and victimize. Now in reality I allowed myself to be the victim, and I might allow myself to be the victim in the morgue. I am tired of hurting day and day out. And I just want the pain to end in one form or another.

I am tired of remembering the suffering I caused myself, others, and others caused, me my inactions, actions, and lack of personal security destroyed a good life, and now I am a box of bones with to much to do and overloaded.

I had another guy grab me with mooring, I also found another twin in the meeting, and have a new crush here in town. I slept good, rested and ate a good breakfast today. I'm becoming brain dead, overloaded and tried of being sick and tried and wanting to end the pain permanently

I don't relive the past, but I hurt remembering things, I also recently received a few strange calls, I wonder if my honesty about past transgressions which I am not sure wither I did or not led me to have an arrest warrant in Texas. I have been getting some odd(713) (281) (832) area code calls

I give A fuck, but I did this to myself and theres no truing back for better or worse, life or death. I'm in this to end.

I also have a job fair to go to today, maybe things will look up and feel in better spirits, I also have a few rounds of counterstikre to do before I go to the fair, Nothing like being a terrosit and living up to my rep or a counter-terrosit.

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Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)