02/26/08

Had a rough night last night, friend was sick, went into a seizure,and possibly cathartic arrest. I had to hold her and call ems, and take care of her, rough night she got sick while we were playing play station.

Anyway, today was rather uneventful, went and picked up mail some mail is beginning to be forwarded to san francisco with the change of address, and ate very well today some yummy black bean casserole, and good meal. I also feel very full and filling. I also am tired from the for mentioned medical emergency last night.

I saw a traffic stop gone bad, and a drug bust today. And have a appointment at a clinic tonight and later this week (Friday) I have a therapist appointment in the Castro area. I also uploaded some more recent photos to the photo bucket and blog. And worked on the TGSFO site and forum community a bit more.

I went to the library, yesterday did laundry for my friend and myself, went to the Castro county club, and a few other meetings. I talked to my sponsor who is still sick and I am worried about. I hope she is wok.

I also am grateful to be sober, alive and in good spirits, and to be able to remain clam druning a friends medical emergency last night, and helped keep her safe. I also was glad to be able to well have friends, severity and a fresh start and a friend whom I would trust with my life, and I helped save her life last night sort of.

I am alive, well and in good spirits, and regretful to have folks, family even if they don't understand, I see them less and less, I still love them. I still care for them, I am grateful that folks in Houston still care, I just had to move on,and one day I have to face them, my fears and be honest which I am able more and more through my fresh start security. And dealing with my depression and insecurity's.

I am glad to be alive, to have what I have Individuality, respect, and gratitude. I am grateful for love, life and well being true. I am glad to be sober, baa, and also for friends. I had to make difficult choices and still do. And it hurts, sometimes the best things and paths in life are not the easy ones to make.

I make an amend to a religious group who a bashed, religion, insecurity's and abuse and lack of action and inaction led me to drink., and I don't want to build a resentment. It hurts every day, I want to phone a few people my drinking hurt, or my threats hurt, but I cant, I don't have as much often. But I want to make a living amened, one day on my birthday a hot july summer I will show up in Houston for a week as a tourist to make those difficult amends, it will hurt, But I have to.

I need to look inside myself for enlightenment, I still have a fuck of a lot to be regretful for and sometimes I am selfish and I don't get it. I am mature, and growing slowly, and I am going to a meeting today. But I am alive, I am lee, and I am my true self, even though sometimes I wonder.

I am afraid that Ill wind up being a drunk, crack head on skid row, It scares me thats my fear, I am afraid of not being successful , not being rich, not having fame, not achieving anything noteworthy, not building power and control, not doing what I want in life.

And I am a selfish, cunt bitch some days, but I do have a heart even if as a Capricorn borderline on aquairious sometimes I wonder

--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
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