Friday, October 03, 2008

The fact that my father, Marty Gaetjens got sober twenty-three years ago for me, means something to me, it also further that failure is not an option. I like power, control and to be dominating.
I do not like what comes with that drink and who I can become; I slept very well last night.

Today I am sending letters off to some former employers in Houston, Texas to inform them of my move for Tax Reasons. I also have to mail some more documents today to clean up my IRS mess, and get my tax forms for 2007, and statements.

Furthermore, I have much more to build and disclose. I may start working doing some political canvising, but I need to get out there with my resume more, and build personal security.

Furthermore, My Own Father whom doesn’t want to see me, until my own moods and I am not angry, and he was angry his first few years of sobriety. I need to live, sober to be emotionally stable, and secure. also need to develop more in myself and keep my inner bitch under control.

Continuing, My inner personal development of my personality. I know how to survive, and do ok for myself obviously. Furthermore I discovered more about myself

I need to be more cheerful and just happy, just become one with Zen.




Why I am angry often.
1.) I am often angry due to the fact with my ability to lip-read, and comprehend partially and broken various Arabic, Asian, Spanish I sometimes pickup people talking bad about me, or out of earshot with my good hearing, and street smarts.
2.) I am angry at myself
3.) I am lonely, and tired of being hurt and stay alone by choice
4.) I struggle with my own homophobia
5.) I struggle with my anger towards Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and Transgender Individuals
6.) I struggle with my own racism, and sexism despite being razed other wise with my southern roots.
7.) I struggle with my anger at the men that hurt me
8.) I struggle with resentment of my actions toward Transgender communities In Houston and New Orleans
9.) Personally, I struggle with my resentment toward self, and the high cost of my counter-productive drinking days.
10.) I am afraid and fear is a sign of weakness, and being all-powerful is something I cannot show to be sad or afraid, I have to be a fearless leader.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for the fact I am sober
2.) Grateful for being able to talk about my trauma
3.) Grateful to be sane, and free of anger
4.) Grateful to be honest and willing.
5.) Grateful to be in control of my life, and keep my pride and independence more
6.) Grateful to be able to admit defeat into submission over being powerless over other people, places and things
7.)


The List
1.) Meeting
2.) Print and Mail Documents and letters to family
3.) Drink lots of water
4.) Work on resume and interview and apply 
5.) Copy documents to send to MLS & DLG
6.) Send documents to Former Houston Employers about Tax Issues
7.)
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger