10-9-2008
Slept rather splendid last night, awoke at 3ish this morning, showered was read for my day, Became well rested good today. I also talked to my wonderful therapist about things in my life; the medication for the PTSD seems to be working, rather well.
Went to a 7am meeting at the Alano club did not have any nightmares last night.

Furthermore, I spoke to some friends in town, and did some contacting, yesterday I cried a good part of the day, and listened to led zeppelin, Billy Idol, The Cure, Depeche Mode, Ministry, Ramones, White Zombie, Brooks and Dunn, and Little Texas grieving to my grandmother’s death.

I miss Texas, I miss Houston, and I miss Corinne and others from 3296. I wonder if the big bad wolf is still happening. My life is unmanageable and in shambles, I also hope one day I am able to rejoin my foes, and those I scared In the Houston Texas TG Community with my drinking, I am finding that as I gain sobriety, I am more afraid when shit happens and want to be less attention whoreish.

To futherstate, things the power of resentment, I understand my guilt and shame of my true self, and the power of my hate and hate of victor, john, Enrique, Carl, elm dean, tine, James, Henry are killing me inside.

Furthermore, be allowing the anger, blood and resentment and the desire for vigilantism. Moreover, I allow them to win by allowing the resentment to live, it needs to go in my god box and my own personal Jesus, and may they rot in HELL!!!

I need restraint of computer, word, and tongue, is the best option, Intellectually I can comprehend that but it’s difficult to get over the anger of my hate crime that the bastards I listed above, that the FBI nor the United States Government only certain, state, local, and county governments reluctantly accept transgender individuals with legal rights, protections.

I am controversial which is why I publish my blog, website and domain, to show the daily struggles, keep a life online, and show the world we are not that different from integration of African Americans.

I wish the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints would allow us, rights and equity and understand how many GLBTQ members end up committing suicide.





Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be sober
2.) Grateful to have folks who care about me in New Orleans, Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Francisco, Oakland, and Berkeley.
3.) Grateful to have a spiritual awakening
4.) Grateful to be near my father martin Clark Gaetjens
5.) Grateful to be in San Francisco
6.) Grateful for my wonderful therapist
7.) Grateful to be working a good program
8.) Grateful for the opportunity in the long term to build a bond with my father.


I also got a card for Saint Anthony’s a green card that works well, due to the prior harassment and idiots in the line there. I have been working and am close to finishing my IRS Issues, and will be able to attend City Collage of San Francisco in the near future; I need to call the advisor I was working with.

Furthermore, I discovered more about myself and continue to grow and prosper. I also work a good program, continuing to grow as an individual

Talked to the theprsit about my anger, and resentment and my transition and other issues. I also spoke to a few other individuals. My back has been hurting more so lately. I’m hanging tough she also suggested san Mateo county or Costa contra county. I might like San Jose, they have a pretty good center there and community but it’s Not San Francisco But I’d have my Truck and the Cal train and maybe eventfully a bicycle into the city.

Another thing to be grateful for is not being so angry all the time, as if I used to be. I have









Friday, October 10, 2008

Slept good last night, some women where I live brawled, the other thing was I received a call from Larkin street youth services, which was amusing. They want me to interview for a youth councilor position.

For those of you who don’t know. Larkin Street is a nonprofit that works with youth who are 12-1under 25 but also is well known for working with youth 18-under 25 whom runs away from home due to being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or queer. That’s their primary clientele, they also work with substance abuse, former foster care kids, and a lot of kids from Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama.

Furthermore, they are well known for their work with transgender youth. They are similar to covenant house run by catholic charities. Furthermore, it is an entry-level position, which I plan to attend City College and get a MSW, or become a LMT and continue to work in this field given it’s something I understand, and I get to help the next generation on their road to transition.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to have this opportunity for employment in tough times
2.) Grateful to be sober
3.) Grateful to be aggressive in bettering my life, and assertive and more secure in self.
4.) Grateful to have friends, family and individuals that care about me both locally and in two other states
5.) Grateful to be out, proud but censored and settled down.
6.) Grateful in the long term to be able to build a relatshinship with my father in San Francisco
7.) Grateful to be In San Francisco
8.) Grateful for my wonderful therapist
9.) Grateful to be alive
10.) Grateful to have a program
11.) Grateful to have my own personal Jesus
12.)





















--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
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http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
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