Today and last night, I was a bit restless, the pain and flashbacks are not as bad. I miss my family, I miss what I once had, all the bullshit I used to understand, and stand for, left me, it was lost and drowned in draft beer, red wine, and screwdrivers and diet coke and vokkia, and the occasionally long island iced tea, or bartender mixed drinks.
Myself, I used to think that how much you had to show for yourself in materialistic, life, progress and money, power and control and how hard you worked for yourself, how many gas guzzling pickup trucks you had, how hard you worked, going the extra mile got you ahead in life. That the latter day saint bullshit is just that bullshit.
Last night and yesterday I saw a few things that touched my heart, one the jerks on the BART brought some peace into my life, and I saw something, second. I discovered some drunk didn't like the fact I didn't want to talk to him, and called me a bitch and cold heartless bitch. I also had someone full of anger last night bitch me out, but I know when to walk-away.
I want and like and enjoy power, money, fortune, and fame and control and having a manageable life, but that was lost long ago. My over dominating personally is more, I talked to my sponsor about it. I also discovered more about my self and inner child, I wonder why I didn't get more done or what I did.
I look forward to my upcoming trip, and travel arrangements, I also think some things I should back off, I have had someone bothering folks and asking around and using social engineering scare tactics, pretending to be my worried mother, those close to me know my mother is long dead from 2001.
I miss my mother day in and day out, No other death affected me as such, even though we grew apart I miss her. I wish she was here right now, I wish I had her in my life, even if in spirit not geographic. My other plans are as follows, I have a doctors appoint. I wish myself I had grown up more, and learned more about my chapter to my gnosticism, long ago. I feel young in myself actually starting to break stereotypes, but on the other hand, I feel I am old, I turned 27 recently, and I need to do something with my life in progress of my soul to enlightenment and to make more of a future for myself, life and the unknown.
I have a late night spot, I occasionally visit before my morning meeting, one of them that I regularity attend, I also left a message for the LT with HPD to contact me and serve me with papers, and chose my right to remain silent, I donut have a warrant, and he is out of his Jurisdiction actually by almost 2000 miles and 3 states.
I don't have anything to hide and have my side of the story as well as the inconsequential, on my upcoming trip, I have no plans to even spend a dime in Texas, I will by pass the state entirely and far above, see the wonders upon my return of lake Tahoe, the mountains and things I long dreamed of, possibly even Montana, and Wyoming, where I want to live when I retire or maybe after school I would love to live in a RV park work from home a baja rv, and adventure and write code all day.
I also have hallways wanted to visit organ and Washington state. I miss myself, and I want more for myself and enlightenment, the truth of what I need to do is more in my own gnosticism and spiritual which I re-discovered my own personal jesus.
I also know more of my soul and life and what I want and is important, and I also need more for myself. I also know more of myself and life and who and what I am and where I need to go, and what I need to do for myself and my future and find inner peace and my inner child.
I saw someone yesterday that doesn't have what I have, the drunk on the bus, the woman in the drop in clinic, I saw a new arrival in san Francisco also as well, but I must remain focused, I also saw someone else a couple having fun with the jerks on the train to thw asshole drunk on MUNI who got a little to friendly during rush hour downtown.
I also know more about myself soul and inner child to whom I am with my peace and zen
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment