Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The reality and self discovery of myself, and further working my program, I did not see a new purse or bag I liked yesterday, my blood pressure was low again, around 90 over 60, the doctor is a bit concerned, we worked out a game plan, as well with my sponsor, therapist, and medical doctor, and well life goes on.
In further development, I ordered an extra cell phone with Metro PCS, aka Ghetto PCS given the horrid service, pricing and billing errors. I had more for myself, and also discuses possibly some different medical treatment options. I also have a 7th amends to make, right now I need some time alone, lately I’ve been a bitch to folks I care about, and hanging around negative influences.
I need to be more positive, ignore folks who try to provoked me, and work on being less judgmental, and put my faith in my own personal Jesus, and continue to read and study my big book, or bilke and 12/12 and also my LDS scriptures.
I also may adjust my AT&T plan as a partial and direct and indirect sult, and look at a few other options, CDMA / TDMA service sucks, GSM< and IDEN rules and rocks, despites the proprietary nature of the compitieing and lack of open standards on digital, and analog cellular is dieing, blah, digital is not better for the consumer, just the provider as in lowering the cost, with data compression. (Bring my geek on)

Furthermore, I need to remain displayed, as of late to add to my itchy nests, I have been running like a evil dominatrix, dictator, she said I am over doing things with my addictive hardworking, personality, I need to take time to take care of me spiritually which I had not been doing lately, I’ve been here seine Jan 6, 2008 and been in three co-dependant relatshionships in the roughly 6 months almost and Friday this week on the 13th I will have 11 months sober, and my sobriety date is Friday July, 13th 2008.

Had a glorious meeting this morning, went to a support group last night, the doctor took and drew blood, Slept ok, a bit late till 4:30ish and feel recharged, ate well, made my 7 am meeting, Called my sponsor, have therapy tomorrow, going to fine tooth my resume, and also after my official name change which is published.

I also am very close to finishing the V Builltian server, for the San Francisco Bay Area Transgender Community Forum and Resource Guide, My Plan it similar to true selves, and Trans Houston but For San Francisco, but a bit more unique and focus and maybe even a majordomo listserv or something not as high tech as Trans Houston, but More self run and moderating, possibly with TG folks in the community such as groups having higher leave access privileges.

I had the awakening of my own selfish bitch with my sponsor, and am working on getting out of self, I left and fled Houston for the reasoning that I could not admit defeat, I have a huge resentment toward myself, and becoming a drunk, I have a resentment toward Christen was a outlet to lash out. I left to be noble and respectful and make a living amends, not to say I am not perfect.

However, enough with the negative thoughts, and bad karma. I need to move on into enlighten positive thoughts bring and equal positive karma, outlook and sobriety, I am so through dating right now at the moment, I need to focus on me, and bring results for to bring the kind of person I want. Someone commented yesterday they thought I was older due to my maturity.

I also don’t have any resentment, I need to quit trying to do so much and get RR, it’s my OCD and PTSD I push myself way to hard like a slave labor, For all I know I could have been a Nazi Prison Camp SS or something, in a past life given my work ethic, and devotion to duty, self at the expense of my health, both spiritual, and phial and others, I could be a dictator, and slave labor camp leader.

I am grateful today for:
1.) Understanding my shortcomings with my Self Centered Personality and desiring to overcome it
2.) Being able to be more honest with My therapist, Doctor, Family, Friends, and other folks in AA and Al-anon
3.) Being able to work and admit defeat on being able to talk more with folks, not at them and work on my dominating personality faults
4.) Studying my BIG Books, 12 & 12 Books, My LDS Quad, and meditation, and relaxing more
5.) Being able to trust others with things, and build and rebuild health relatshionships
6.) Better Understanding, my faults with confidentiality issues and breach
7.) Being aware and working on respecting others boundaries
8.) Being able to grow spirituality post- Latter Day Saint / Mormon with my UU Intelicatiual growth
9.) Being able to work on respectful of others that don’t meet my utterly high standards, political view points, and that I don’t like
10.) Being able to deal with people I have resentments, or don’t like and can’t stand and work on my mediation tactics





Things to do today:
1.) Work on resume
2.) Drop off crap
3.) Check mail
4.) Rest / nap
5.) Sleep early








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Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
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