Thursday, June 26, 2008

Slept good last night, also had a few bad nightmares about things in Houston, New Orleans and a black out during SF Pride in 2006. But moving onward, I ate ok, went to a meeting foolishly composed aq 55 page document for a 4th step with a power point presentation and 25 cups of coffee, what a dumb bitch I was to my selfish self.

I have to do a written composure, my OCD sometimes is a bitch.

I also called someone whom I have a jellious resentment, and saw potential to have bad blood between, us I want what she has, I prefer these fucked up relatshinships with self, and others, and she has something I want my sponsor sugfgested that I compose a letter and hang around positive folks, while bitching at her for ditching my so called fuck up friends, and myself, she and I have more in common, she’s younger than I, has a great job, is TG, and gets to work with TG folk / lobbyism. I admire her and she is a positive role model. Ill talk to her after pride.

I have been off my program; she also is a normal person. I need some time with aa folks and alone right now, to sort out some hurt I have. I am listening to Led Zeppelin – Fool IN the rain while I compose this.

I also have a strong desire to go to a dyke Bar, or go out clubbing which I know is dangerous, and not well, given rembering a slip in 2006 during SF pride and a slip in 2007 in SF Pride weekend.


Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for having the fellowship of AA and 12-step programs
2.) Grateful to be sober
3.) Grateful to have a good sponsor
4.) Grateful to have clarity
5.) Grateful to be able to reach out to someone I like
6.) Grateful to finally be able to know myself
7.) Grateful to be able to let go of the past and focus on the present
8.) Grateful to be young, beautiful, and pretty and smart and have a life ahead of me and have transited young and transitioning young.
9.) Grateful to have indpedantace.
10.) Grateful to be able to admit defeat, and do inventory


Things to do today
1.) Doctors appointment
2.) Therapy appointment
3.) Mail Box
4.) Print Letter and Finish it to MS (Houston)- ps
5.) Do something fun, because girls just want to have fun (sometimes with other girls)
--
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
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