Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The reality of myself discovery, I must learn to enjoy my own silence, where the words are unnecessary. I further this morning ate ok, and continued to progress into further enlighten, while sober 11 months this Friday the 13th, I still have a heck of a lot to learn.

Ran into LDS missionaries last night, again. We bump paths often, I also watched a few things, obviously my power cord arrived yetersaday on time, I also saw CF, and while no hard feelings, lately I have been a real bitch and pain in the neck to be around.

I have had a blackout remembered, with a lot of booze, at SF pride about a year or two ago. Sometime early ore toward the end of my club, party days. Weird remembering things, becoming and remaining sober is not easy, I used to frown on AA folks, as an al-anon, now I became one. My life is not merry Christmas, or happy new year, but it is clear in my own Gnosticism.
Furthermore, I had a vision last night slept, well, walked, talked, and meeting with my sponsor after this morning, and to TCB, I have a list. I also have more and need to purchase a big book, and do more for myself, and continue to grow and prosper.

Next month as published in the bay area publication, I will be doing my name change, and a few other things, than off to the California DMV, and a few other matters, a trip to the eye doctor, or maybe even Costco might be in father order.
I feel well, I also have laundry to do later this week, or into the weekend, some shopping, I picked up a pair of boots, I also recently was sick mostly with sinus and sore throat, and also was a bit dizzy, and disoriented and continue to grow, I had a few leads, after some of my paperwork is in order which sometimes the wheels of civil, and tax and federal, local, and state burcracticy as well as county take time.

But things do happen, I also have the IRS bullshit to deal with, and for another matter will go down to the federal building, and get printed and speak with the FBI about something, is on my agenda, and closure, I also have to print the letter to MUNI, DPT, MTA, and BART regarding a matter I reported to 311, and SFPD.

Myself, life and well to become a better person for whom, I want to be, I recently discovered somewhere, very quiet, peaceful and very well respected in one of the public buildings, and discovered a favorite scenic view.

I don’t per say have any rentment toward, Trans-Thrive, or the GLBT center or their employees, or affiliations or people associated, but I have and need require some time alone, my stress, is largely caused by lapses in my AA program but I have remained sober, I try to live pretty straight edge, and have allowed my diet, program, reading studying, and gratitude to become well, in disorder at best.

I need time alone, I think once I regain balance, with my program and self, I will Thrive and grow, and continue to prosper up the latter with success. I am not by any means perfect, nor does resentments build against the Castro Country Club, or other matters, I learned long ago, I need to stay back and look at the bigger picture.

The reality is, I am an over talker, dominatrix, and vampire personality at times. Moreover, need to work on things, I was living with someone who did not have good program, and in a few fucked up refashion ships, and moved, on and a close friendship or two.

I need to be more positive, for example, I know folks who have good program, and do not take offense if folks do not want to be in my presence, I am working on this with my theorist, and sponsor, and doctor. Lately the flashbacks are bad to my abuse, and mistreatment, for me and my storm recovery work on the gulf coast regions.
I have grown more in myself, and continue to do such, for example. At least I can admit these things are problems and areas in drastic needs of improvement. I do not relave the past I grow on it. I don’t use drugs, prostitute myself, drink, I try to eat meat sparingly. I also am having some health issues, unable to get the medical care and things I need approved at the present approved for myself, and to thrive.

Furthermore my sponsor and I are doing and achieving tasks for myself, while I have gone in bars or clubs with friends in AA, with long term sobriety, or go to events where it is served, I am very careful, and don’t drink, and leave and always have a exit plan in case of emergency. My soberly comes first before other people, places and things.

I want to get back into my vegan, ways and get my health back up. I feel some fragile and frale, I slept very well last night and father grew more for myself, and allowed enlighten to further carry into development and myself.

Some code, and a image map for leemcg dot com or a new index dot html page could be useful. I also am working on my personal and crown jewel, a forum and community for the San Francisco TG community, rescues that professionals, in government, healthcare, crisis intervention, drop in centers, suicide prevention hotlines, social work, and other related fields, and the public can share and develop resources.

It would be a multi level, with different permissions access system, that provides information, those with higher level of access meing posting resources and some limited administration, and maybe myself as a web mistress, and admin. In addition, a few co-admins, to post and add resources.

An the general public can access them, maybe even eventfully get it listed as a resources, I would require a user agreement, and privacy and abuse policy as well as further development for myself. Nevertheless, would require verification of professional status. It’s a dream, and the database, and forums are bullt and continuing to thrive. Soon off to a meeting, than meet with my sponsor afterwards, I might go check out a few places today before a few other matters later.

I have a doctor’s appointment tonight as well, later.
The current times are scary, while I disagree with the LDS church on some issues, others I agree, something’s in the news, current events both wildly published and some not as much, are the possible result t of biblical prophetic and scare the shit out of me of what it to become.

Moreover, I am still learning about my true slef, sober and continue to grow, later.








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Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
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