I slept good last night at the shelter, the movie filming about the Milk, and riots and start of the GLBT movement in San Francisco, CA in the late 1970s, I did some extra work for and casting maybe I can be on film and I have much to do for my life, future and family and love.
I talked to MLS and DLG, the nice guy whom I met at connect says my disibilliy could be reinstated, its amazing how laws, regulations vary from state to state. And things are working through the food stamp, and ga worker are reviewing the trust documents with their legal dept.
I have an idea on housing and planing where, to live, they have improved the bart service throughout the night, I have looked a little at parking contracts, lots, and truck storage, I also looked at taxes about 300, plus a drivers lic, fees, and the annual registration might be a little higher than in the lone star state.
My friend might bring some cute shoes tomorrow in 10s, and 11s we will see what we fits. I also got a case management at least temp right, now. And have a contact at city collage, I might be able to get a grant or loan, and go to school and get an A+ certification and study computer science and web design, graphic design, and web application design.
Thats My plan, a lot of the IT and computer company's will pay for SRS with their health plans, apple, IBM, semantic, and even some of the other company's which need engineers, and programmers, mainly women and minority groups (trans genders)
I am getting maimed more, and also folks are kind, and things are happening even slowly, the violence on the streets of San Francisco is rough, I am lasting the harsh winter, the lady who runs the shelter told me the city is keeping the winter shelter open until July which is at (worst case) when my Divisibility with back payment, and housing should fall in, when I will fly to Louisiana and drive my pick em truck back, and other affairs or get it trucked here.
Today I had coffee, sourdough, danish s, an Asian salad, and lots of water, and took a shower at the Trans gender drop in center. Got a therapist, and called my sponsor, and touched base. I also am upcoming in 7 months, sober. And Ive reached a point where the smells, memories, flashbacks, and honesty and caring and passive but firm and assertive and self-aware and accepting is well odd and obscure.
Last night at the Trans gender support meeting and the clinic, I had some Chinese food donated from Chinatown, given a lot of the Trans gender community is Asian here, and funded by the Asian community and other groups no surprise we eat healthy.
I have someone in my life that doesn't have what I have and is a little abusive, but more so. It saddens me to see all these fucked up cracked up, doped up, hopeless, transgender folk. Those who quit caring, the homeless who gave up, the godless, and where I might be now. It humbles you in sobriety but I cant force anyone to want to change or desire to change they have to make that in their heart, and want to change.
My father upon after my arrival was his usual self, denial we had some nasty words, hang up and a lot of yelling. And hes nasty, hes never been there for me (partly for my mothers doing) I don't think he ever wanted kids, or family, or much else. I think he remarried some young Russian gal who needed to become an American, does the whole perfect guy thing wife, kid, maybe he keeps a old photo of me for his lies.
I think he still goes to the ballparks, maybe the OTB, or has some vices even if he sobered up, Hes nothing more than a sperm donor to my mother, he also during some of our heated arguments while in Texas, told me he contacted The Berkeley Police dept, UC Berkeley police dept and had is two friends which are retired FBI agents, if anything ever happens to him he goes missing, he gets hit by a car, falls of a bart platform. I'm going to be the prime suspect, and because his friends are EX-FBI I will never smell the end, of being detaining questioned, searched and Ill have my ass shipped to san quieten.
My father is a jerk, a lier, and thinks not much of me, and wants me to finish what I started here and told me to get the fuck out the bay area. My dad is not any different than O.J. Simpson, a lier, womanizer, con-artist, and dishonest as all 12-steppers are cunts, bitches, and well just selfish. I hope I can make my father pound just as my grandmother, at least my father does call me his daughter.
It would not surprise me if he had a Vasectomy preformed, not to repeat prior (mistakes) anyway the therapist does group and individual therapy here and I might invite (MLS) and offer to let my father attend some sessions, even though I am prepared he wont show up,I think he would be a lier, manipulative, cheat, and bullshit.
I spoke to my sponsor, today and talked to her about some personal, issues, relationships, doubts, and life, love, and fear of the unknown. Monday they have a dinner for us TG folk should be fun, and next Friday is my appointment with my therapist in the Castro which should prove uplifting.
The tigers at the San Francisco zoo, should be released after the security improvements to the tiger and lions. It amazes me they allowed such a open area, the Houston zoo, had more security improvements.
I researched my other options and issues. I talked to Morris with the advocacy office and wanted information about my time spent for my misdo minders, the SFPD Trans gender liaison officer, is doing a class on laws, trans gendered, encounters with the police, and a self defense class should prove interesting.
I might also long term have a lead on an apartment in Oakland, not far from MLS and also from a friend I have that lives out that way a bit. I researched a bit, on bart, on the way to the Oakland wal-mart once where I was going to transfer to many eons ago in a past life.
I also spoke to Nancy B and Carter a bit friends of Bill W, and keeping things going into progress and enlightenment. I see folks with no hope, drive or whatever, it saddens me with the tools here how many TG folk go into prostitution, get HIV+ and do other nasty things, and just abuse them selves, some I feel should not transition have further issues. I became self aware, and accepting at the cost to my personal life, finical security, collage grant, friendships, loved ones, and the Houston TG community and GLBT community as a whole. Fucking up my life.
I sadly even though the severity out here Miss Houston, friends, places, loved ones, those who care, and well yada yada yada.
I met a girl who reminded me of my former neighbor whom I bitched about often, who even though she was wrong sometimes, and used me. (I know I'm a sucker) I saw a young version of her, an exact fucking twin I kid you not. Balh.
I also met twins of various bartenders, sponsors, friends of bill w, lambda center, and other folks I encountered during my path to self-awareness and enlightenment.
I met twins to others and women form Lamba center, Men from Lamba center, met someone at the marina dock, and alano club who has ties to Houston and knows Lamba Center and The Post Oak Club. Wow small world fist meeting at the marina dock, and I run into a meeting where the topic, story and speaker brings up Space City wow, small world on big family of friends of Bill W.
One of the guys who assaulted me had ties to Houston, it goes on and on. I am enjoying the filming of milk and the riots and start of the GLBT movement while keeping my appointments this week, next week and to infinity and beyond, with kindness, charity and life and love I grow to my true inner self, turn the bitch switch off and find inner peace, joy, love, my true self and enlightenment and most of all Happiness and Zen.
The birds here are huge the seagulls, and the pigeons are out of control, its illegal to feed the pigeons in San Francisco, in fact doing such is a Class C Midomonier or ticket misdemeanor with the city of san Francisco penal code.
Its important to notate I will get a back payment, and other issues and affairs I am dealing with while becoming established with the new me, and gaining control of the inner bitch and true self, and the lost strange little girl trapped inside my soul, lost at sea slowly becoming more and more at peace with my self.
Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
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