01/02/08

I recently discovered myself, and that I prefer abusive relationships, and friendships to be abused, or to be the abuser. I am sick on my own twisted way, insane thinking and acting. I also know more and more the reality of life, myself and love and living but existing in myself, faith and life and love.

I also know more and more myself and what I am and where I want to go today, tomorrow and into there future. I hurt knowing that I must do what I must not do, I also know what I need to do and need not to do, for myself, life and the future.

I packed out my apartment, it was burr cold as of late due to the freeze. Last night in space city. I dreamed of miles of adventure and hardship and zen and enlightenment. Everything you know is crap, I have a Doctors appointment later this week to see SU and MM and pack out headed on the open highway to my new home, and adventure and to stay put and build a new life, for myself.

I have some letters to compose to send upon my arrival and some for the trip as well as post cards and other affairs to handle for myself, life, and I also know more and more about myself. I also know more and more its not just me even though the world should be just about me.

I had a spiritual precancel last night where I had someone I care about lash at me, hurt me and threaten me with a firearm, and death threats. I don't want to bother with such things due to I am also guilty of not being so pleasant, and made me understand I prefer abusive interrelationships, friendships and at times am a vampire in interrelationships sucking the life out of them, and I am the abuser at times.

Its not all me me me, give a little love in your heart, I have much to do in the upcoming next 8 days it is tick and tock to the future, I have some photos of things from a time better spent and life in the future.

I also trucked out and out more and more, I took a shower, and called a friend last night, got up but it was to cold so I went back to bed, some of the idiots in Texas have killed themselves with drinking and stupidity one of the nominations for a Darwin award is the idiot who while drinking and with a bonfire everyone went to bend only to awake at noon to find, the drunk had burned themselves alive in a drinking sleep by a bonfire to watch it had become burned for the new year. For my international and out of state or southern readers lacking. I shall inform you a bonfire is traditional amongst the souther usa when its cold, to guide st nick, provide a cheap warmth and on new years.

I'm going to start running again, and fasting and praying to the goddess of my understanding and for a few friends, have a few tasks to finish before my upcoming appearance in the city of Houston Municipal Court. And a few other things to do before the date of the big move and road trip, some letters, resources and meeting and intergroup locations I have much to finish and to archive for the task at hand into life and the future have some heavy cleaning to do,and packing and documentation to bring a few more things to grab out of my mini storage room out on the far west of Harris county almost into Fort bend county and a few things to take care of at a friend in Montgomery County.

A letter to a friend to send in San Marcos, and a few letters to compose to various people, institution, and individuals I have wronged in Houston, Harris County and the DFW Metropolis, and other things to compose later and latter days and compose more, more.

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Lee McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 66471
Houston, Texas 77266-6471
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)