Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens Blog - WWW.LEEMCG.COM

Life In San Francisco in the cold, wet and damp weather

2009-02-17T09:04:00.001-08:00

I continue to grow as an individual, I slept well last night. I awoke about midnight, again at 2am, was awake and out of bed by 3am. I dreamed again of adventure and the open road. I called my friend from the Marina Dock Karen, and told her Im afraid, and unconnected.

I don’t like the way my life is now, and I’m doing something about it, I spoke to my father a week ago, and told him of my plans to hit the road, upon finishing my classes, paper work and getting my CDL Back.

I miss my father, I need to see him but doubt I will ever be a large part of my life, I’m hopeing to deploy OTR and maybe sometime around the holidays get some R&R In New Orleans, Houston, Dallas, or Austin if things go well.

Anyway, I’m here in Oakland writing this in one of my favorite coffee shops in Oakland The Rooz, on Piedmont aver, near Montclair north Oakland, close to piedmont (city of). I have a 10am electro appointment. I also have much to do in the next few weeks.

It’s cold, damp, wet and raining and does not help with me feeling sad, the weather is how I feel inside, anyway next week I have an appointment at Lyon Martin to get my health question are filled out to start get the ball on getting my Class A License back.

--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-02-16T10:34:00.001-08:00

Monday, February 16, 2009

I slept, well last night, and continued to grow as an individual. I composed a letter more recently, and discovered something within my inner personal development and myself. I am working on my Grant Proposal for my commercial drivers license
I added code to my site, have to go to the shoe repair shop this week, have an electro appointment in Oakland Soon, and have to go to the Alameda County Clerk’s office to get my documents amended.

Added code to the site, I attended a 7am meeting at the San Francisco Alano Club, I did a few other chores laundry, did my back work out, had a woman who also was (TS) get into a potentially bad sutituion, I avoided using my skills of Krav Maga, and used my suburb conflict resolution, and customer service skills to avoid a cat fight it a women’s communal bath-house.

Not much I can achieve today due to being a federal holiday, just wait and attended my electro appointment tomorrow, and I have much to achieve this week.

Here is what I have so far (grant proposal):

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
(415) 678-0859 – (713) 578-0016 – LEEMCG@LEEMCG.COM

Grant Proposal For Commercial Truck Driver

Sunday, February 15, 2009
Introduction

My Name Is Leigh McInnis Gaetjens, and I desire to become a Commercial Driver through the Department of Rehab Services to contribute as a productive tax-paying member of society.
The commercial Driving Field is in high demand, due to Driver Turnover, Un-qualified drivers, disqualified drivers, retiring drivers, growing global trade.

in imports, and exports and everything in modern society at one point is on the back of a truck due to being a essential part of the international trade, transportation and logistics, without Trucks and Truck Drivers everyone would be Un-employed and society as we understand it today would be Impossible.

School Suggestion
I have chosen and suggest the National Truck Driving School In Hayward, CA due to the following:
1.) It is approved by the Department of Rebhablation
2.) It is accessible via BART from San Francisco, and AC Transit.
3.) Has Smaller, Longer classes for students who have other commitments, which is my choice of program
Their contact info is:
4125 Breakwater Ave #A
Hayward, California 94545
http://www.truckdriving-schools.com/
USA
510-487-7425

The School as part-time student options (due to commitments and my life cirmstances) I would prefer to study a few days a week rather than the full week, classes they offer in the (4 week course)

I want to re-acquire my CDL are and what best qualifies me for this opportunity are:
1.) The Trucking industry is growing, and there are not enough qualified drivers
2.) I love driving, trucking, traveling and the lifestyle of adventure and roughing it
3.) Fitness, and adventure are part of my daily life
4.) I have Zero DUI(s) in my entire life, and NO Felonies
Licensing and Industry Background:
A Commercial Driver's License (CDL) is required in the United States to operate any type of vehicle with a gross weight of 26,001 lb (11,793 kg) or over including (but not limited to) tow trucks, tractor trailers and buses.
The Commercial Motor Vehicle Safety Act of 1986 was signed into law on October 27, 1986. The main purpose for the Act was to improve highway safety by making sure truck drivers and drivers of tractor trailers and buses have passed a written and driving test to become qualified to drive Commercial Motor Vehicles (CMVs), and to remove drivers that are unsafe and unqualified from the highways. The Act continued to give states the right to issue CDLs, but the national government established minimum requirements that must be met when issuing a CDL.
A Commercial Driver's License is required to operate a tractor-trailer.
The Act corrects the problems that existed before 1986 by making it illegal to hold more than one license and by requiring States to adopt testing and licensing standards for truck and bus drivers.
Industry Growth Projection(s) for Commercial Truck Drivers:
Overall job opportunities should be favorable for truck drivers, although opportunities may vary greatly in terms of earnings, weekly work hours, number of nights spent on the road, and quality of equipment. Competition is expected for jobs offering the highest earnings or most favorable work schedules. Average growth is expected.
Employment change. Overall employment of truck drivers and driver/sales workers is expected to increase by 8 percent over the 2006-16 decade, which is about as fast as the average for all occupations, due to growth in the economy and in the amount of freight carried by truck. Because it is such a large occupation, truck drivers will have a very large number of new jobs arise, over 258,000 over the 2006-16 period. Competing forms of freight transportation—rail, air, and ship transportation—require trucks to move the goods between ports, depots, airports, warehouses, retailers, and final consumers who are not connected to these other modes of transportation. Demand for long-distance drivers will remain strong because they can transport perishable and time-sensitive goods more effectively than alternate modes of transportation.
Job prospects.Job opportunities should be favorable for truck drivers. In addition to growth in demand for truck drivers, numerous job openings will occur as experienced drivers leave this large occupation to transfer to other fields of work, retire, or leave the labor force for other reasons. Jobs vary greatly in terms of earnings, weekly work hours, the number of nights spent on the road, and quality of equipment. There may be competition for the jobs with the highest earnings and most favorable work schedules. There will be more competition for jobs with local carriers than for those with long-distance carriers because of the more desirable working conditions of local carriers.
Job opportunities may vary from year to year since the output of the economy dictates the amount of freight to be moved. Companies tend to hire more drivers when the economy is strong and their services are in high demand. When the economy slows, employers hire fewer drivers or may lay off some drivers. Independent owner-operators are particularly vulnerable to slowdowns. Industries least likely to be affected by economic fluctuation, such as grocery stores, tend to be the most stable employers of truck drivers and driver/sales workers.

Training, Other Qualifications, and Advancement
A commercial driver’s license (CDL) is required to drive large trucks and a regular driver’s license is required to drive all other trucks. Training for the CDL is offered by many private and public vocational-technical schools. Many jobs driving smaller trucks require only brief on-the-job training.
Education and training. Taking driver-training courses is a good way to prepare for truck driving jobs and to obtain a commercial drivers license (CDL). High school courses in driver training and automotive mechanics also may be helpful. Many private and public vocational-technical schools offer tractor-trailer driver training programs. Students learn to maneuver large vehicles on crowded streets and in highway traffic. They also learn to inspect trucks and freight for compliance with regulations. Some States require prospective drivers to complete a training course in basic truck driving before getting their CDL.
Completion of a program does not guarantee a job. Some programs provide only a limited amount of actual driving experience. People interested in attending a driving school should check with local trucking companies to make sure the school’s training is acceptable. The Professional Truck Driver Institute (PTDI), a nonprofit organization established by the trucking industry, manufacturers, and others, certifies driver-training courses at truck driver training schools that meet industry standards and Federal Highway Administration guidelines for training tractor-trailer drivers.
Training given to new drivers by employers is usually informal and may consist of only a few hours of instruction from an experienced driver, sometimes on the new employee’s own time. New drivers may also ride with and observe experienced drivers before getting their own assignments. Drivers receive additional training to drive special types of trucks or handle hazardous materials. Some companies give 1 to 2 days of classroom instruction covering general duties, the operation and loading of a truck, company policies, and the preparation of delivery forms and company records. Driver/sales workers also receive training on the various types of products their company carries so that they can effectively answer questions about the products and more easily market them to their customers.
New drivers sometimes start on panel trucks or other small straight trucks. As they gain experience and show competent driving skills, new drivers may advance to larger, heavier trucks and finally to tractor-trailers.
Licensure.
State and Federal regulations govern the qualifications and standards for truck drivers. All drivers must comply with Federal regulations and any State regulations that are in excess of those Federal requirements. Truck drivers must have a driver’s license issued by the State in which they live, and most employers require a clean driving record. Drivers of trucks designed to carry 26,000 pounds or more—including most tractor-trailers, as well as bigger straight trucks—must obtain a commercial driver’s license. All truck drivers who operate trucks transporting hazardous materials must obtain a CDL, regardless of truck size. In order to receive the hazardous materials endorsement, a driver must be fingerprinted and submit to a criminal background check by the Transportation Security Administration. In many States, a regular driver’s license is sufficient for driving light trucks and vans.
To qualify for a CDL, an applicant must have a clean driving record, pass a written test on rules and regulations, and demonstrate that they can operate a commercial truck safely. A national database permanently records all driving violations committed by those with a CDL. A State will check these records and deny a CDL to those who already have a license suspended or revoked in another State. Licensed drivers must accompany trainees until they get their own CDL. A person may not hold more than one license at a time and must surrender any other licenses when a CDL is issued. Information on how to apply for a CDL may be obtained from State motor vehicle administrations.
Many States allow those who are as young as 18 years old to drive trucks within their borders. To drive a commercial vehicle between States one must be at least 21 years of age, according to the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Regulations published by the U.S. Department of Transportation (U. S. DOT). Regulations also require drivers to pass a physical examination once every 2 years. Physical qualifications include good hearing, at least 20/40 vision with glasses or corrective lenses, and a 70-degree field of vision in each eye. Drivers may not be colorblind. Drivers must also be able to hear a forced whisper in one ear at not less than 5 feet, with a hearing aid if needed. Drivers must have normal use of arms and legs and normal blood pressure. People with epilepsy or diabetes controlled by insulin are not permitted to be interstate truck drivers.
Federal regulations also require employers to test their drivers for alcohol and drug use as a condition of employment and require periodic random tests of the drivers while they are on duty. Drivers may not use any controlled substances, unless prescribed by a licensed physician. A driver must not have been convicted of a felony involving the use of a motor vehicle or a crime involving drugs, driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol, refusing to submit to an alcohol test required by a State or its implied consent laws or regulations, leaving the scene of a crime, or causing a fatality through negligent operation of a motor vehicle. All drivers must be able to read and speak English well enough to read road signs, prepare reports, and communicate with law enforcement officers and the public.
Other qualifications.
Many trucking companies have higher standards than those described here. Many firms require that drivers be at least 22 years old, be able to lift heavy objects, and have driven trucks for 3 to 5 years. Many prefer to hire high school graduates and require annual physical examinations. Companies have an economic incentive to hire less risky drivers, as good drivers use less fuel and cost less to insure.
Drivers must get along well with people because they often deal directly with customers. Employers seek driver/sales workers who speak well and have self-confidence, initiative, tact, and a neat appearance. Employers also look for responsible, self-motivated individuals who are able to work well with little supervision.
Advancement.

Although most new truck drivers are assigned to regular driving jobs immediately, some start as extra drivers—substituting for regular drivers who are ill or on vacation. Extra drivers receive a regular assignment when an opening occurs.
Truck drivers can advance to driving runs that provide higher earnings, preferred schedules, or better working conditions. Local truck drivers may advance to driving heavy or specialized trucks or transfer to long-distance truck driving. Working for companies that also employ long-distance drivers is the best way to advance to these positions. Few truck drivers become dispatchers or managers.
Many long-distance truck drivers purchase trucks and go into business for themselves. Although some of these owner-operators are successful, others fail to cover expenses and go out of business. Owner-operators should have good business sense as well as truck driving experience. Courses in accounting, business, and business mathematics are helpful. Knowledge of truck mechanics can enable owner-operators to perform their own routine maintenance and minor repairs.

Employment
Truck drivers and driver/sales workers held about 3.4 million jobs in 2006. Of these workers, 445,000 were driver/sales workers and 2.9 million were truck drivers. Most truck drivers find employment in large metropolitan areas or along major interstate roadways where trucking, retail, and wholesale companies tend to have their distribution outlets. Some drivers work in rural areas, providing specialized services such as delivering newspapers to customers.
The truck transportation industry employed 26 percent of all truck drivers and driver/sales workers in the United States. Another 25 percent worked for companies engaged in wholesale or retail trade. The remaining truck drivers and driver/sales workers were distributed across many industries, including construction and manufacturing.
Around 9 percent of all truck drivers and driver/sales workers were self-employed. Of these, a significant number were owner-operators who either served a variety of businesses independently or leased their services and trucks to a trucking company.

The Process to Obtain A California CDL

The Various License Classes and Endorsements as Regulated by FMCR, DOT, and DMV:
Class definitions
Since April 1, 1992, when this Act became law, all drivers have been required to have a CDL in order to drive a Commercial Motor Vehicle. The Federal Highway Administration (FHWA) has developed testing standards for licensing drivers. States are able to issue CDLs only after a written and driving test have been given by the State or approved testing facility. A driver will need a CDL if the vehicle meets one of the following definitions of a CMV:
• Class A - Any combination of vehicles with a GVWR of 26,001 or more pounds (11,793 kg) provided the GVWR of the vehicle(s) being towed is in excess of 10,000 pounds (4536 kg).
• Class B - Any single vehicle with a GVWR of 26,001 or more pounds (11,793 kg), or any such vehicle towing a vehicle not in excess of 10,000 pounds (4536 kg) GVWR.
• Class C - Any single vehicle, or combination of vehicles, that does not meet the definition of Class A or Class B, but is either designed to transport 16 or more passengers, including the driver, or is placarded for hazardous materials.
Please Note: States may require drivers of additional vehicles to have CDLs or have more strict regulations than by the Federal regulations, do allow states to have variance with Motor Carrier Laws
License Endorsements
Additional tests to obtain any of the following endorsements on their CDL have to be passed as well. These are only obtained after a CDL has been issued to the driver.
• T Semi trailer Double or Triple (Written Test)
o (Certain states prohibit triple trailers statewide, such as California, Florida, and New York.)
o A Class A license is required to obtain the T endorsement
• P Passenger Vehicle (Written and Driving Tests)
• S School Bus (Written and Driving Test, Background Check, Sex Offender Registry Check and P endorsement)
• N Tank Truck (Written Test)
• H Hazardous materials (Written Test and Background Check through the Transportation Security Administration)
• X Combination of Tank Vehicle and Hazardous Materials (Written Test)
Process of obtaining a CDL In California, and The Bay Area:
The Closest CDL License Office to San Francisco is Located at:
501 85th Avenue
Oakland, 94621
(800)777-0133

How to apply for a commercial driver license (CDL)
A commercial driver license is a license issued in accordance with Federal Regulations that allows an individual to operate a commercial vehicle.
You must be at least 21 years old to drive a commercial vehicle across state lines (interstate commerce) or to transport passengers or hazardous materials or wastes (intrastate or interstate commerce). You may drive for hire within California if you are 18 years of age or older and do not engage in interstate commerce activities. If you are 16 years of age but less than 18 years of age, you may not drive for hire and you may not drive outside of California. (VC §12515) (VC §12516)
10 Year History Record Check
The Motor Carrier Safety Improvement Act of 1999, and applicable Federal Regulations requires all commercial driver license applicants including renewal applications to disclose whether he or she has been issued a driver license in the same or different name to operate any type of motor vehicle in another state or other jurisdiction within the previous ten years. If the answer is “Yes” to the ten year history record question, a 10 Year History Record Check form (DL 939) complete and submitted with the Commercial Driver License Application (DL 44C).
Starting May 31, 2005, new federal regulations require a person who is applying for a California commercial driver license with an original or renewal Hazardous Materials (HazMat) endorsement to undergo a security threat assessment. The USA Patriot Act requires the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) to complete a security threat assessment (background records check) before the Department of Motor Vehicles issues a HazMat endorsement.
TSA’s Process
You start the TSA background records check after you apply for your CDL at DMV, successfully complete all appropriate law tests, and submit a valid Medical Examination Report form (DL 51).
To apply for a commercial permit, you will need to:
• Visit a DMV office (make an Appointment(s) for faster service)
• Complete a California Driver License Driver License Application form (DL 44 or DL 44C). (An original DL 44C form must be submitted. Copies will not be accepted.)
• Complete a 10 Year History Record Check form (DL 939) if you have been issued a driver license in the same or different name to operate any type of motor vehicle in another state or other jurisdiction within the previous ten years
• Give a thumb print
• Have your picture taken
• Provide verification of your social security number. It will be verified with the Social Security Administration while you are in the office.
• Verify your birth date and legal presence (you may use your California driver license) If your current name no longer matches the name on your birth date/legal presence document, see "True Full Name" and "How to Change Your Name" for more information.
• Pay the application fee for a 5-year license
• Pass a vision exam
• Submit a completed Medical Examination Report form DL 51.
Effective October 1, 2004, DMV will accept only a Medical Examination Report (DL 51) with a revision date of 2/2004 or later, or a current medical form (containing the new blood pressure guidelines) approved by the Federal Highway Administration or the Federal Aviation Administration.
• Pass the traffic laws and sign tests for the class of vehicle you will drive. You have three chances to pass the test.
•
• Once you have passed your tests, you will be issued a permit. You can only drive with a person who has a valid California driver license in the class of license that your permit is for and is the specific age required for that class of license.
To apply for your commercial driver license you will need to:
• Call a DMV CDL office and make an appointment for a driving test. (Commercial driving test appointments cannot be made online)
• Bring the type of vehicle for the class you want to drive
• Pass a pre-trip inspection (You have three chances to pass the pre-trip)
• Pass a skills and driving test (You have three chances to pass the skills and driving test)
OR
• Submit to DMV a Certificate of Driving Skill (DL 170) if your employer is authorized by DMV to issue such certificates. Both you and your employer sign this form.
________________________________________
Medical report for commercial driver license (CDL)
A medical form completed by a U. S. licensed doctor of medicine (M.D.), osteopathy (D.O.), licensed physician assistant (P.A.), a nurse practitioner (N.P.), advance practice nurse, or chiropractor who is clinically competent to perform the medical examination, must be given to the DMV with your original application for a driver license or instruction permit. The medical form must be dated within the last 2 years and on a form approved by the Federal Highway Administration, the Federal Aviation Administration, DMV, or on the DMV Report of Medical Examination Report form Medical Examination Report (DL 51).

Conclusion:

--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-02-15T08:45:00.001-08:00

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Called home to Lambda Center, Spoke to Sonny, Called to my Diesel Dyke Friend Brandi, and left a message to call me about a few CDL Questions.

I am very excited as of late for this opportunity, I have to compose a Grant proposal and information about the Commercial Truck Driving Industry to get my grants approved, and also take an apptuide test as well.

I spoke to my father briefly this week, and Mike at the San Francisco Alano club, and plan to rent out a room for my 2 year soberity birthday on 7-13-2007. I also my father and I might actually both attend.

This morning, I awoke at 2am, was out of bed around 3 am, showered about 3:45-4L25 this morning, after doing my meditation and stretching workout routine, Got rained on the way to the Cal Train Depot.

The wind, and rain about 5am this morning was bad along south beach, while riding the N Judia :Owl MUNI Bus, to church street where I studied and did grant proposals at sparkys (having coffee) which we had some major amusement around 5:45 am.

A guy came in and attempted to “borrow” with out permission a Halloween mummy still up, while a off duty police officer was there, and was stupid. And gave it back after attempting to flee in a Taxi.

Uploaded files to my web server, and did a dvd-rw backup. Added code, did e-mail, and synced my AT&T Tilt and downloaded and backed up data. Missed Becca’s call, and have not spoken to Manual recently.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-02-14T14:15:00.001-08:00

Saturday, February 14, 2009

I find myself connected in an awaking within myself, for example perhaps the primary purpose, of choices, hardships I made was to do for myself for to better myself, and my country and contribute something to society.

For example, I have come to understand this opportunity, research and essay, I am composing to get this grant for my Commercial Drivers License re-instatement. Is worthwhile. Moreover, due to cirmstances, I must ignore things, and look the other way under much duress with my life.

The further reality of putting up and dealing with suituions I can’t stand, or dislike are much necessary. I also have been as of late working on my mediation, and learning to zip my lip, and become more self-aware within.

In two weeks, I have an appointment at Lyon Martin, for MY CDL Health questionnaire, and I will get the ball rolling on this, I also will start doing some of the written tests, to prepare for my CDL.

Also, I will eventfully have to undergo Federal Fingerprinting by TSA, and DHS. But I know its what I want in my heart.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-02-13T11:59:00.000-08:00

Friday, February 13, 2009

Slept ok, awoke about 3am, out of bed by 4am, and took care of business this morning, and other affairs. Have an electro apt next Tuesday. I also have to do some shipping and receiving today.

I added more extensions to the file server; I spoke to a few individuals. Did a few other tasks. Going to a meeting this morning as well that most defeneallity on is my addenda.

I Spoke to Martile today and I went to the San Francisco Human Rights Commission, and am attempting to put closure with the Fare Inspectors for MUNI beef from last year, which continues to over blow, it started with one inspector who is no longer around was drunk on duty and picked a fight with me and punched me out of Trans-Phobia, yes it does exist in San Francisco.

I wrote a few lines of code for my server offline, and took care of other things. Caio
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-02-10T14:41:00.001-08:00

Tuesday, February 10, 2009
THE Person who mayade the nasty comments and we had our “beef” yesterday long ago, when he abused his H&I commitment, he ruined our friendship. I don’t know how to figure it out, but I sort oof relate. I tried to hard to see the good in him even if he is sorry.

I am a bit closer to obtaining my commercial drivers license (again) and closer towards obtaining goals to better me as an individual. I slept ok, and wrote code for various things, which I needed to, achieved. I showered this morning, the remodeling has made drastic progress, I also am guilty of telling other folks off , I used to like perhaps, in my “mean bitchness” I have refined my “selfish self” and am much more careful how, when, where I bend, break, or take action on those who need action or I want to take action against for various reasons.

I’m just really sad, my electro girl was sick, went to piedmont to no avail, than to therpey, than to otherchores and to have lunch with my sponsor. Anyway Im very tired, and sore and want to rest tonight, im skipping dinner, and off straight to bed.

Caio.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-02-08T13:04:00.000-08:00

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Slept ok, last night. Had an interesting experancee this morning. Had coffee this morning, takeing it a bit easy today, have a busy week this week and onward later in to the week. Have much more to do later this morning as well. I wrote code, also.

Someone is hitting me as of late and pushing me down stairs, and verbally threating me. I can’t prove it, and doubt if Law Enfrocement would be of much help or if I would trust the police.

I’m a lot closer to finishing and getting into truck driving school, and getting goals I need achived and finishing tasks which I must commit to finishing. I have grants, and loans and financeing I’m working on, and other things.

Regardle
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-02-07T10:18:00.001-08:00

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Slept ok, recently. Have things to do today, have to echange a beauty product for another, that I bought the wrong one. Have to do shit today, and send documents off, headed to the ale media county courthouse tomorrow to handle some affairs (name change) and as I plan to apply for a new passport.

I also need to take care of other things, went to this wicked cheap ghetto ass diner, that the food was surprisingly good for being in the tenderloin, see my review on yelp.

Some finance things did not work out, my garnishments should be finished by July, and I make father amends to one of my creditors. I might go to the park or library today, after I finish taking care of some banking, and a few other issues.

I did some posting on forums, e-mail, and web administration today, I sent off a few resumes, and made some employment goals and commitments this week. I also have been working on other issues.

Have to run errands today as well, and meet with folks about issues.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-02-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

Friday, February 06, 2009
02/05/09
I have become more and even more disconnected from modern society. One of the things that drive me in force is repression, remembrance and the goal of revolution.
Having spent time in rural rough rugged Texas, the boondocks Cajun Louisiana, and the disgusting ultra labial city of San Francisco. Major big city Houston, big party new Orleans, and beyond Mormonism.
The conclusion I have discovered is the only answer to ending our struggles as transsexual women is launching an biblical attack of un-presented proportions
An attack on in structure, cyberspace, or using force of firearms, chemicals or explosive means seems proportionate. However, I am not a killer or aspiring terrorist I’m just a messenger of free speech.
Something such as free speech, the right to bear arms, protect yourself, and not be discrimination against is dwindling
I think Obama will make a great president and at this point am indifferent toward him. His actions on the war on terrorism are laughable but he will be a civil rights icon.
However, I feel he may become murdered in office due to persecution and hate which I also face. I do not advocate or support this, but I also am a realistic.
Groups such as neo Nazi fascism, anti GLBt, and KKK have thrived in the recession and under the bush administration
I become more and more discontent daily. I want my suffering and repression to end.
I sacrificed many parts of my former life in Houston. I walked away from many things in Louisiana also.
I feel the only answer to inner peace and happiness is to become more at peace and to end my suffering and bring justice to all individuals we are at war for our rights and those who deprive us.
When at war sometimes the good suffer in fear, TERROR AND SOME MUST DIE.

Furthermore, I concede the cesspool and disgusting things I have witnessed on the left coast, make me more and more angry and prone, to commit treason. I used to love my country and now I hate it more and more, I’m greatful to be here, but we need change, and we need a revolution.

Obama’s forge policy is laughable, and I think the risk of another terrorist attack equal to 9-11 or more will increase, sadly I voted for him, for obvious civil rights issues. But so far closing Guantanamo, and bringing terrorists to the us, is a very bad idea.
Moreover, I feel some of my associations in Texas, Louisiana, and California are more libieltys, and not helpful. I have prayed and know what I must do. I only wish I could share it with the world. But one day My name will be a household name, sealed in American history, and perhaps I will not be reflected upon rightly, but I will prove a point, that all LGBT and Very much s TS people need rights and protections, and I will carry this message across using any means necessary, and do whatever it takes to show America and the rest of the world that gender variant people are tired of repression.

Will history put me along the Lines of Bin Lydian, Gandhi, John Hinckley, McVeigh, The Unibomber, Hitller, or individuals who went through repression and were tired off it will be for the historians. However, right now I have things to achieve, and much planning and meditation for upcoming affairs.

Something crossed over in me, sometime in the era between 2005-2006, and there is no going back. The only answer is now or not, I know I cannot confirm or deny various radical individuals, I am known to associate with or what I plan to do. Nevertheless, I must make a very big political statement, it is likely I will be successful or fail in my end ours, and will be likely Jailed, and persecuted as many gays, lesbians, bisexual, transgender, and other individuals have been persecuted, jailed for centuries.

Murder, Laws and other things are mint to be broken, when political viewpoints take priority, I won’t confirm, my ties, and am much smarter than to store documents on my server, computer or PDA, where they could be searched our to use e-mail as it is a very insecure matter of correspondence.

It is likely I will not be around past my early 30s, or make it to my 30s. I am tired of suffering, and while I hold out hope for Obama, it would be too little, too late. I must remain careful whom I associate with and cut more ties. And also be careful whom I reveal my plans for vengeance, and revenge toward individuals, people, places, groups, employers and companies that persecute GLBT individuals must pay dearly.

For example, The growth and spiritual awakening, and my sobriety only makes me more determined, when I spent my time in the Harris County Jail, all I could think about is vengeance, even though I had a series of spiritual experiences there.

Which is sad, some people I lookup to are law enforcement officers them selves, are Transsexual but, My mission, and everyone is a potential adversary, much as GLBT and sex is when I was a Latter Day Saint. After all I am a convicted terrorist, why not up the antie.
Regardless, I have much to do today, and things to work on to better myself as an individual, and to work on projects I have running in the background.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-02-06T09:13:00.001-08:00

2009-02-05T08:55:00.002-08:00

Thursday, February 05, 2009
Slept well, last night, did not finish the laundry will do that Friday, I mangled to order my replacement for my defective tat tilt Smartphone, I also got my replacement razr. I had a employment lead yesterday, have one today, and therapy this morning.

I also need to go to Walgreens to get my scripts filled down on Castro ST. I wrote code, for my site. I am planning in 2010 to move down to daily city, and do the communtirer thing, or maybe move further north to Vallejo, or amniotic.
I added some stuff to my site, my bones, back, neck and hand have been hurting due to the very damp weather as of late. I went to a 7am meeting at the Alano club. I also have been looking forward to my trip back south.

I spoke to DLG a bit today, I also should be finished with some of my affairs soon. I wrote code a bit yesterday, but lately ive been a bit uninspired to write much, I’ve been keeping myself very busy as of late with work, projects and keeping myself out the devil’s playground with idleness.

Moreover, Ive been a bit quiet, lately because, Im scared, curious and confused and still figuring things and myself and where I want to go today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year and beyond 2010.

I more recently took care of a few things, and did a few other things.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-02-04T10:09:00.001-08:00

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

I have a very busy day today, called and finally processed my insurance replacement, my back is feeling better, but still stiff do to the remodeling back at the ranch. I took care of my old POS cell phone busted in the attack back in decemeber.

I also have two job leads this week, a job fair to attend possibly and to file some paperwork for my name change, I have so much in my past to clear up.

Had a disagreement with MLS, though not bad, I have been a bit bitchy lately due to not getting to enough meetings, I might go to one next week at the Berkeley Fellowship. I also have to do a few other things as well.

Spoke to Brandi a bit, and a few friends from the east bay, I have a trip to Louisiana and Texas next year, I might be moving for a while down to daily city, south san Francisco or burgher north to Pittsburg, Bay Point, or anatomic, or Richmond for a while.

I spoke to DLG, and sent letters out and met with my friend Tammy at the Alano club this morning, I got hit on by two guys and a girl this morning on MUNI Metro, BART and the F Line.

Not much to say but busy as a bee, Face book enabled my account after suspending it.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-02-02T06:58:00.001-08:00

Monday, February 02, 2009
Some dickhead, was hitting on me yesterday at the club, someone else pissed me off, Ill talk to my friend tammy about it. I also awoke early this morning, and have to turn in early to get up very early tomorrow.

I have much to achive today, as well as tomorrow. I added code on my site, I have a very busy and eventful week this week.

I have two employment realted things, Im working on. I also have a few other things to achive. I have a few other issues, I am working on as well. I have of late also have laundry to do this week, amongst other chores, I have much going on.

I also have therpey this week amongst other issues.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-02-01T09:23:00.000-08:00

Sunday, February 01, 2009

I slept good last night, awoke at 2am pacific time, was out of bed by 4am, Had a naughty dream last night ironically, Saw the really stone butch lesbian, again. I also yesterday saw that FtM which I believe is wrong.

I vented some of my anger, and have some very positive things happening this year with my finicalness, my going back to work, and other issues, as well as big plans for 2010, I went to one of my favorite meetings at the San Francisco Alano Club as Bill CC’s motorcycle AA meeting.

In 2010 I plan to revisit New Orleans, Houston and ideally drive back to California, In my big butch truck. I also plan to meet with friends, foes and also some aquainces with in Texas. In addition, might move further to northern California, to Humboldt county, perhaps. Or near anionic, until I’m able to afford the popup rv I’ve always wanted and live at a rv resort full time down in Pacifica, and community via my truck, the cal train, and Bart to the city.

Even if at some point I move out of state, I will keep ties with California, for the moment, or the immediate future. The reality is I plan to relate, more to individuals, and I love my family and friends, and foes.

I have found some forgivenss in myself, as of late and my anger and resenements. I have a lot to get done today when things open and much to achive
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-02-01T09:04:00.000-08:00

2009-01-31T10:09:00.000-08:00

Saturday, January 31, 2009
I saw an individual today whom is a Female to Male Transsexual whom I have much distaste for, This individual is very much masculine, with extremely large amounts of body hair and much bigger than I. This individual identifies as a gay man, who likes other men, yet persists in using women’s spaces and women’s places of refuge.

This Individual also has had his ass kicked by gay bear mean when they found out he was atomically female, this individual also has made me personally uncomfortable when I was in a state of undress, and came very close to getting his as kicked by me.

I have also made it clear to him, that If he ever was in a state of undress with me, again. He will get his as kicked, some could call me a hypocrite, given my gender identity, sexual orientation and other issues with “plumbing”

But There comes a point in every gender varrient indivdiaul weither male to female or female to male, where you have to learn to respect others, given some people even myself are not as open minded. Keeping in mind, I have been detained and arrested for using bathrooms and other issues at various points.

I’m not saying Trans-Phobia is right, I perhaps feel less threatened by him, but have made it clear if he Violates my space, I will protect myself with physical force, or pepper spray if necessary. Moreover, he needs to respect my space.

I’ve even heard he has been arrested and warned by SFPD and other agencies of the danger of what he is doing and how dangerous it is, to use women’s areas.

Low and behold the shit face, came in while I was having coffee this morning, doing homework for my sponsor.

In other news, I’ve made some commitments, to get some things finished and make some finical commitments. I have plans to achieve some goals before my Ten Year High School reunion, where I trip to New Orleans, or Houston and an Amtrak ride possibly and a drive back to San Francisco in my pick em up truck in 2010.

I have zero plans to remain in San Francisco before age 35 or at the latest is 40 I shall return to my Texas roots, But I’m only twenty eight now, I might even return to Dallas or Austin. Or maybe to Portland, or Seattle, or The Tri State area of New York City.

I dislike the bullshit of ultra far liberal san Francisco, I don’t like being crowed, the rural Montana, and Wyoming landscape appeals to me greatly, the cold, snow, and winter I loathe as equally happy in the Hot smoggy Houston summer.

Perhaps I am just rambling, but I like small towns, and want some degree of stealth, and anonymity the one thing I fucking hate about San Francisco is too many fucking trans-people, I fucking hate seeing pot, which has abslloutely no medical use what so ever, the crack heads in the tenderloin, the gangs, and the liberal sprit of anything goes.

I like the mountains because its much more open carry firearm laws, however things are changing. I like being rugged, and I’ve been told they have a small but open accepting lesbians move up to the mountains, I dream one day of going up north and being with rugged old timer lesbians.

I’ve learned to respect bio women’s, space, when I cross the line, and superb conflict resolution skills.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-30T10:16:00.001-08:00

Friday, January 30, 2009

I Shared with my therapist yesterday and someone I looked up to when I was in my anger that lives in Houston. I lately find myself faceted with 1980s cyberpunk Post Nuclear Terrorism culture. I feel I am distained for something big, and even revolutionary.

Prehaps, My most disturbing feelings, are the feelings of not connecting with anyone, or anywhere, or not being understood.. I don’t feel as if I belong to anyone, or any place. A place of darkness, and pure hell.

But I have recovery, happiness, and some joy on brief occasion, and goals I am working toward very hard.

I don’t have much to compose as of late.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-29T10:50:00.001-08:00

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Lately fate has opend doors for me with an individual, when I had no role models, just pain, suffering and repression in my life and pure agony and hell. I have been corsponding with this individual to ease my suffering, and bring joy when there was none.

It feels good to vent, even alas if someone whom was aware of your misdeads, and even if they do work in a carrier field, you have a bit or pride, and predjucie toward.

I lately have been working on some carrier oriented goals. I suppose. I am trying to find myself.

I don’t have much to compose in this entry today, except that I am scared about something that has the potential to go wrong with my life. I also have a few appointments as well today and a lunch date, ive been reading my big book.

I have much to do today and very little time, and behind schedule so I will be brief.

--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-25T11:44:00.001-08:00

Sunday, January 25, 2009
I corsponded with an Indivisual whom works in Law Enforcement which I linked up by chance via facebook. I also have a few tasks to perform, I have a few work related tasks to perform this week my electro appointment in the East Bay.

I added and did a few other things, and posted in some forums, I have items I need to pick up at the drug store as well today, and to finish reading a few chapters for homework in the 12x12 for my sponsor, imp half way through and will be finished this week.

I renewed some arrangements my tat tilt phone quit working on the ear peace, as well as the speak phone, I preformed a full reset to no avail and it also has syncing issues with my computer though I can syndic via Bluetooth, wireless lan and the internet, text, and I can call out and received calls but can’t hear them. I have to go to the at&t store and do a replacement lucky for me, it might be covered by warranty and as well as the insurance, it appears to be some sort of manufacturing defect or a lemon model.

I like being able to call via Skype, with it, and being able to edit word documents on BART and MUNI as well as AC Transit. I also can post to my blog and do other nifty things on the go. And the digital cam rocks.

I talked to a few individuals about things, and have to pickup crap at the drug store and run to PS this week and go to therpey as well, too much shit to do, to little time.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-24T12:04:00.001-08:00

Saturday, January 24, 2009

I feel even more unhappy, dreary, dark and depressed in the rainy, foggy wet January in San Francisco. I feel lost, adrift and lost at sea. The interpersonal relatshionsips I developed are useless, I can’t let anyone know how just sick and tired I am.

I miss my grandmother very much, as well as my mother, the rejection of my father who in reality with his actions is nothing more than a sperm donor for my mother, Dan Filled that role, and even if he is a right wing nut job, He was a man and was there for me, and a much better person than my father was.

Day to day I dream of death and look forward toward my-self termination of my mind, body, and soul, perhaps I won’t make it into 2010 and twenty eight, I might not even make it to two years sober before my death or I might kill myself shortly thereafter.

In a way a act of suicide to myself would be an informed choice, and right choice, a way to move on from this life to end my suffering. I urn for Houston, I don’t like things I have seen in the bay area. I miss Texas very much so.

I miss southeast Louisiana, but I can’t show it and I have nothing to return to. I feel much as Dan white did when He killed himself in the garage in the shame and unhappiness when he finished his parole from the city of angels.

I only want my suffering to end, perhaps soon it will. I feel people look at my different for I was accused of doing something I did not do.

IN other news, I slept well last night, ate very well this morning read part of my 12x12 for my sponsor. I also did some banking, dropped off and pickup up inscriptions and called a few friends in the program.

Anyway I have a few errands to run this week and later this week. I found some items I thought I had lost but they were recovered much to my excitement, and joy.

I have shit to do later gators.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-22T10:09:00.000-08:00

1/21/09 various individuals whom I attended high school with I have more recently contacted have been supportive so far of my endvours and some also have called me brave and courageous much as my father did with societies stigmas toward transsexuals

Moreover, if president Obama passes a revised EDNA and changes armed forces regulations and passes hate crime revisions. I have given serious thought to law permitting and this is very optimistic being one of the first transwomen to enlist in the ARMY

That's overly optimistic of being a historical GI Jane wanna be but I would love to serve this country even during times of potential global and economic instibilly

I’m young enough I don't have any felonies and I am in prime physical condition and see a few years active duty as a good thing for me and potentially a reservist and maybe becoming a civil servant in san Francisco

More over the excitement of my joy fate tomorrow will bring me to Oakland as well as Berkeley for some necessary affairs I need to handle

Moreover I've thought and had some wonderful correspondence with some amazing individuals on a few transsexual support forums and listervs I belong to

I have an excursion to Oakland and Berkeley tomorrow via BART and ac transit.

I landed a modeling job for a well-respected local but internationally known GLBT business in promotional littuture

I met someone famous today and could be called a celebrity. In addition, I have been recently thinking of my finical goals desires and what I need to achieve for me

I wrote code recently for an individual that needed some amendments to his blog coding.

I dreamed last night of riding a motorcycle through Big Sur than back up north to eureka and the snow capped mountains and peaks and through Tahoe through the dead of winter.

I've become less angry of an individual and working on my rudeness, self centered selfish attention -whoring self

My father however while he may be a good reformed god or higher power dwelling man. I admit I may have misconceptions of him and he is a complete stranger to me, as far as I am concerned DLG filled that role more than dad ever will.

Moreover my truck is sitting in the garage at Spanish oaks. I dearly miss my truck the sacrifices I have made for enlighten and other things is surreal

I found a suburb restraint in the city of san Francisco that has excellent food and dining options of my favorite Louisiana PO-boys down to the most authentic homemade new Orleans style bread

Moreover, with my events I have to do today at my electro appointment, and a few other affairs to handle in Oakland and Berkley today. I also think sometimes and wonder what if a vs. b, and I just need to let go of the past, and move on.

I’ve been reading my big book and 12x12, I also managed to dig myself into a rut more recently, but think I made it out with a racist comment to someone’s transphobic comment. I crossed a line I don’t like to cross.

The point is, I feel partly that I could have prevented my present cirmstances, I could have heeded to others wisdom, but my whole damn life vie been selfish, self-centered and attention whoreish. I wonder if I will ever change, I know if I am pleasant, I can be a wonderful person to be around when I am not being very dominating. However, the reality is, maybe I like being miss loner, and I do not want to be miss popular, which I could very well become.

Anyway, I have addenda and got on a waiting list for a nice apartment, in a rougher area of town, but feel safe there. I also plan to possibly next year travel to the ten-year high school reunion to Louisiana and possibly visit Houston as well. I may even travel partly by Amtrak, with my computer good books and spend time reading and writing, vie always wanted to take a cross country train trip and maybe fly back from Houston or new Orleans via south west to Oakland, I hate to say it SFO sucks ass.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-21T10:30:00.001-08:00

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The thought of me having an internet addiction is a possibility, in addition, I feel lost, alone, and adrift. The thought of death is very surreal end to my suffering, but I know I don’t want that, I want libration and well freedom.

I’ve enjoyed the real world Brooklyn, with the Transgender Individual, The Not so Gay Metro sexual Mormon, and the Lesbian who became bisexual from san Francisco. It mildly amuses me.

Furthermore, I find more about myself and continue to grow and prosper as a true individual. I slept peaceful again last night, and have been well rested and remodel of the shower should be finished soon so, I’m looking forward to that. Furthermore, I grow and still continue to grow as a young woman.

I remember the terror I lived out on Hayes Road many eons ago In Houston Texas. I remember the suffering I suffered. I also chose to make a stand. If and when President Obama, makes good on his promise I will go to the San Francisco FBI Field office, I don’t like admitting this but I dislike our government and the way it has gone

The Whitehouse page of http://www.whitehouse.gov/agenda/civil_rights/
Has a lot of issues that amuse me, despite some of my more right wing views and being a civil libertarian I like a lot of things on this page. I’m proud that every president I voted for seince 2000 has won.

I have shit to do today, and not much time to blog and am working on some parts of my program that need some adjustment in my life.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-20T10:45:00.001-08:00

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Ive been thinking recently, about things, my blogging and the direction I want to go. I recently have enjoyed being able to post remotely via my Pocket PC and various applications. But More recently Ive thought of my future.

Today is a very original day , Im glad to be witness and proud of the President Obama. I also am working on a few things for myself. My very detailed personal post of my anger toward a few individuals that hurt me in Texas.

Some of the individual items I look Forward toward our new president achieving.

1.) Updating Outdated Power, Transportation and various curtail in structure.
2.) The economy
3.) Transgender EDNA act
4.) Federal GLBT Equality rights.

Moreover I have a few important tasks this week. Last night I attended Queers, Crackpots and Fallen women at the San Francisco Alano Club. The reality of step 9 set in, it was a good meeting despite sitting in the front row and nodding off.

I slept really sound last night, I didn’t realize how tired I was and how hard I push my everchangeing body. I am going to eat very healthy for lunch and skip dinner today. I spoke to my sponsor this morning at Orphen Andy’s for breakfast.

Late last night, I was feeling pretty depressed and I feel a lot better this morning. I have to go to my mailbox also this morning, and continue to progress as an individual as I progress on my spiritual path to innerpersonal enlightment.

Yesterday I was propsed to do a modeling job, while converseing with a professional photographer at Orphen Andy’s one of my coffee haunts, in addition to Sparky’s and The Church Street Café amongst other place.

I preformed a file backup today, added code to my site and backed up a few files. And have some appointments and also am going to be of service today.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-19T09:00:00.001-08:00

Monday, January 19, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009 The discovery of my of my life and discovery of life. I continue to grow as a young woman I also has been thinking of where I want to be five, 10 YEARS down the road.

I know I am an amazing caring person who can be stubborn tough as nails and also very loving caring honest and loyal

The so weekly article was a bit biased toward right wing interests I also had a quite amusing visit with a less than likely place to find an transsexual friendly. doctor and had some mild amusement with some med students playing laboratory rats metaphorically speaking.

Speaking of which I spoke to a friend in Houston whom made a few calls its clear when and if I ever return some bridges I burned at present I will not be welcomed with open arms

Furthermore I have discovered and try to decide how to handle an individual in the san Francisco, whom I feel a foe of mine from Houston who is coming to san Francisco may have turned against me, I also feel portrayed by a few series of individuals whom christen Williams I was informed she had contact with

More over my time in frisco is possibly coming to an end due to my shame and also feeling to brush my hands free of sf until christen is surely gone ill have a loyal supporter of my causes inform me when it is safe to return

With my present operations and ventures it seems a trip might be in order something off the eyes of the TSA meaning low profile travel via road and charter

Given my high level of intelligence, I have. Had to decrease some contact with individual's who may inform christen Williams of my life I do not hate her or wish her any harm imp deeply ashamed of my actions

But I want to make amends but it’s obvious I’m unwelcome I shall further stay off her radar and even keep a lower profile and given I poses great knowledge about law enforcement and investigative and skiptraceing procudures.

I know how to blend I can con or scam my way in. Im good with people and networking and know how to blend in

If anything I hope I can ammend my prior transgressions

I had a shipment of goods come in ill deliver them later in the week to my slnbcvbuyer for my employer and make the dirty clean so to speak gradualy through capitalism of the underground economy that keeps the.underworld of the cesspool of san francisco afloat

Furthermore I continue to grow as an indidivual and have a few issues I need to confront before I walk right out the door

I've more recently understood my cause of depression. I hurt for my regrets shame and more importantly resentment toward various individuals such as myself , individuals in texas , louisiana , family, my father and others

Im going to tell my therpist today about how I feel and hurt the suffering of my soul

The reality is I feel empty or alone its that empty feeling that leaves me empty, alone and depressed.

Its not that I enjoy being alone its more of a interpersonal necessity, for surival of myself. The point is I need to develop the best innerpersonal discovery.

Point being life is what you make it, this week I have to achive a task of very detail oriented tasks.

The very detail oriented tasks for the upcoming two weeks are as following :

1.) achive finiance goals
2.) followup with good employment lead with supurb long term benefits
3.) therpist apointment
4.) send keys to DLG , and documents
5.) I
I

Even more disturbing is my continued agony, pain and suffering.

The further discovery of my life and power of becoming self-aware and responsible
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-18T10:15:00.001-08:00

Sunday, January 18, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009

There are days when I ponder life. I have some finance issues haunting me, with my debtors, Uncle Sam and other folks. I added photos to my photo bucket of some good old fashioned rioting due to racial tensions in Oakland.

I personally believe that if president elect Obama is ever harmed, which I hope by the grace of god he is SAFE for the next four or eight years, as a patriot I love this country. I think there will be riots in a grand scale if he is harmed, similar to the Rodney king riots in many citys.

I also think the case against the BART Police officer is going to end in Manslaughter or acquittal despite the Murder charges, I think Murder will not stick in the matter. or something similar and there is going to be riots in San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, LA and other cities.

It is sad, but I don’t want to have to deal with that sort of violence, and this is more a polecat commentary. And an honest onion, I don’t want to have to be in a race war or riot and my excursions to the east bay for work, doctors appointment and sometimes personal I have to go though the war zone of downtown Oakland, 19th street, mcaurther, Fruitvale. Moreover, that bothers me.

I do not want to fight a battle, but if things come to that, each person has to protect their selves, and the sad part is the prejudice that exists. I know under duress individuals act irrationally, the idiots who are doing this are.

I preformed a few rounds of Urban Exploration with a few like minded individuals, and even soared to dangerous highgts but that’s what I find erotic of urban exploring, risk, danger, and also viewing history and sprawl.

I’m lately very unhappy and depressed and Miss my friends in Texas.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-18T10:12:00.001-08:00

2009-01-15T10:59:00.001-08:00

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I feel less connected, but motivated, and optimistic. I do not feel sad, or even suicidal per say, more empty and meaningless given my past few posts, I feel un-connected, alone, persecuted, and misunderstood. I miss my grandmother more and more, I miss My mother. I feel the pit is crashing in.

Its not that I am ashamed or a pity party, it is that I just do not feel threes anyone who gets me, I feel alone in agony and angst. I feel lost, adrift and concerted by the information superhighway. I feel often misjudged.

Perhaps empty is how I feel.

Anyway I got a few things working, I also have some errands to run.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-15T10:32:00.000-08:00

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual and have a few issues I need to confront before I walk right out the door

I have more recently understood my cause of depression. I hurt for my regrets shame and more importantly resentment toward various individuals such as myself, individuals in Texas, Louisiana, family, my father and others

I am going to tell my therapist today about how I feel and hurt the suffering of my soul, The Fact was I understand my pain, and suffering in my heart, and soul, I cope with it more or less these days. It is just that the day might come when rather than performing a radical event, or acting my resentments toward other individuals.

The way I will likely die before my 30th birthday will be alone, problem on a camping trip alone, in my truck or jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, with my best poker face on, and dropping letters to friends, family and loved ones off on the way on a Sunday or 3 or 4 day holiday weekend. Due to the lack of mail service, it would be very successful in my endeavors, and during a hard January storm or season, would be equality beneficial due to the impairment of the United States coasty guard of launching a rescue.

But that’s fucking Disneyland I suppose, These days I doubt my death, or even vigilantism is much enter for, I don’t go out to the marina, or the presidio much due to the depressing nature of it.
The point is I struggle to feel alive inside, Its not the lack of entry or motivation, its more the worthless self-image of myself, and just not that I don’t have people that care about me, love me, or wish the best for me. Its that I don’t love myself, I mean I take care of myself out of necessity, but I don’t get it, Life.

I deeply miss Texas, and even more so Mississippi, Louisiana, and especially Galveston Island, Houston, karma, Crystal Beach, Corpses Christy, Austin, Dallas, Jasper, Tomball, Spring Branch, Katy, Cypress, Sealy, Luckkenback, etc.

I suppose, I feel just lost, I am unhappy, I miss feeling like I fit in, I miss feeling part of like I belong, I miss feeling like I have a home, a family, people who understand me. I don’t feel people get my complex nature. I also feel Im not going to live to 30, I thought that at 25,26,27,28.

I remember once in a utility corridor I attempted to commit suicide by carbon Monoxide poisoning in rural west Houston, I failed due to hitting the “auto down” of the driver’s side window on my ford truck. I remember another time, I sat in a rooftop pondering jumping in river oaks on many nights a few parking garages I pondered if I was alive or just a bag of bones, another time playing Russian Rolette alone I bent the firing pin, and was lucky.

I understand individuals such as the investment banker who hit a dark place, which by the grace of my own personal god or lacking of my understanding, I have been there, you go nuts. You have shame; I have some faith, and also had the life experience that death or the closeness of it is not very fun. I almost got myself killed that fateful January a few years ago.

Anyway, today I have an appointment with my therapist, and my shrink. I also have an upcoming doctor’s appointment. I have laundry to do soon in a few days. I also worked a few hours for one of my clients. I added a few lines of code to my site. I also am defragging and optimizing my computer today, which it very badly needs.

I fixed my mp3 player and digital cam, I also am in love with my pocket pc I can compose my blog entrees and other items with office mobile and sync them to my computer for posting and even have a program that I can write code for my website while on Bart or main, ac transit, or the cal train.

The idiots in my birthplace of Oakland rioted and selfishly destroyed other individuals property, I love Oakland and Berkeley its more sane than the city, but threes things I like more about the city in some ways as well. They also don’t tolerate the bullshit that far left labial nut jobs put up with in the city.
Saw the Cop I like writing a ticket this morning, I also had coffee at orphan Andy’s and wrote code on my AT&T Tilt, I also got Skype working on my Smartphone to make calls, My other number I might try to roll over from metro pcs to boost with the new national unlimited plan perhaps anyway, but regardless Im going to keep my 713 AT&T number at least for the forceeablle future.

I duno its just another day. I think im going to do more walking soon.

"Born Californian, Raised Cajun (With Gravy & Lagniappe), Came Out Texan"
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-14T15:34:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I had a meeting today, a bit puzzled with some affairs; I often wonder if the day will come when My life will end soon. I have something’s haunting from my past in 2007, and 2008 potentially causing me more finical harm.

I received a phone call about 5 pm yesterday from the San Francisco Human Rights Commission here is a copy of the e-mail, which was sent to me regarding my treatment at SF general hospital and a few religious bigots

Hello Leigh.

Per our conversation, if you would like assistance changing your medical
identification card to say F (female), please go see patient advocate Ana
Perucho at SF General M-F 8:30-5:00. Be sure to bring your drivers
license. You may also call Ms. Perucho at 206-5176.

You may also speak with Ms. Perucho about them forcing you to use the men's
changing room and about the rude comments and laughter.

Hadas

That gives me something to do this week; I also have to attempt to make it to therapy later today. I went to the Height Ashbury and up twin peaks today. I was semi productive, I caught most of our lady of Safeway, but was very tired I got up at 1 am yesterday and just have been semi umber busy. Im going to turn in early today

I have a meeting with my sponsor on Friday and Saturday as well. And some homework to achive, Im very sleepy today. My depression is not realted to lack of life, its more of just wanting to give up. Ill share more on this later

I ran into a old friend and trans-bian couple who got married and eloped to seattle for a few months.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-13T08:42:00.001-08:00

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I Thought I’d take a chance today on my blog and share something alas a bit personal about myself, as well as let some enlightenment get out the closet.
I’m selfish, I am picky, I have utterly high standards. I am careful whom I associate with, I am careful of the company I remain in. Its nothing personal, I don’t think Im better than you, even if I aspire to become such.

My sponsor, whom shall remain anonymous, but is on my face book page, and wont share much more than that.

Has something in common, he grew up in Houston, He knows someone I am face book friends and that still will speak to me I suppose one of the Big LGBT Leaders in Houston, one who has witnessed me drunk and crashing a few events including a infamous blackout I don’t 100% remember in 2006, where I crashed some sort of event.

But today is a day of major achievement, between 2005-2007 I thought I was doomed, I gave up, I was angry, I honestly thought Id be jumping off a rooftop in Houston, which I spent many nights in parking garages, afterhours night clubs, and on rooftops, and utility corridors in my 4x4 truck out of depression.
I convey to my sponsor that I miss Houston, He even suggested that I maybe visit my uncle. Nevertheless, he is correct, just I need to have my shit in order to do such and now is not the time. I also conveyed that in my sobriety, I am in misery. I mean I have a few contents and friends in Montrose, and even Baytown and other parts of the USA.

My father’s displeasure with my arrival in San Francisco is understandable, I have some amends to make with him much as I do, and I understand if he never forgives me, I have remembered portal of my blackouts with Martin Clark Gaetjens and Christen & Lilly as well, what the hell can I say, I moved on with my life?
However, my selfishness, overlooks what I have going for me, I am in the proper place for the moment.

I remember once a utility corridor in far southwest Houston, near 59 and the sw beltway I was tailgating drinking bud light, hopeless, alone listening to Ministry, and Depeche Mode smoking American spirit. Thinking that I was doomed to death and was crying with loaded shotgun. Which I spent a lot of times like that or sitting on a ledge of a parking garage or a rooftop of a commercial building in west Houston or the galleria area. I felt I was doomed at times.

I continue to bear witness to things I do not like seeing, places I don’t like to be. I saw more recently a friend and foe (formerly) dive down into addiction, I am watching another trying to pull herself out and has even merged as an aspiring leader of the TG community here.

I feel closer than ever to my mother when she moved to the San Francisco Bay Area in 1971, from New Orleans. I feel in some way also I am walking in my father’s footsteps in San Francisco & Berkeley as He did from New York City in 1970.
I understand my mothers insanity from when I was younger, I have had suppressed memories from my early childhood of age 2 or 3. I feel closer than ever to my parents. Even if My father is not in my life, and I lost my mother at age 20 in 2001.

I have failed in some areas of my life, but have grown and are growing in other areas. I’ve cut out something’s, and are growing in other places.

Maybe I’m overlooking some things, I have of late cut back my meetings to work on some spirituality and personal study. And am becoming more set in my ways and like a hermit much as my mother was most of her life.

I just vow not to hit so low and die and become alone. I don’t quite understand things that much, but I am learning that the right and proper path and life is not a Disneyland sister.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-12T14:11:00.001-08:00

Monday, Janary 12, 2009
Today I had some business to do at The Federal Building, I actually passed with an older and younger Federal Procreative Service Officer even was checking me out.

Nevertheless, I thought I would make a few confessionals. It’s something that occurred to me, at one time with some of the girls I used to make rounds about when I drink alone, in Houston I was invited with some VIPs on a few occasions. Once I was shy and scared, perhaps from Law & Order SVU: Fallacy and watching the Gwen a

Recently with the wonders of Face book, I discovered more about myself. I discovered some old High School Friends and Foes, not a chapter I want to remember. Nevertheless, I’ve made some outing in the closet.

I mean all of my life I have treated friendships as dispensable, usable and also just removable. I don’t even know how long I will remain in Frisco, I don’t like it here, even if it’s a GLBT Capitol of the United States of America. I dream of Los Angles’.

I have more photos I am going to upload soon.

But I want to state something to people I’m geographically separated from, family members, loved ones, and even people I’ve hurt or people that still care about me even if you’re not in my life for whatever reason.
This is my informal statement:
“I love you, I am grateful for everything anyone has given me, for once in my life I am alive, I am being myself. Please just let me find myself; find my place, path, and way. I am not angry with you, I hope you can forgive me from the bad times, and remember the good.

I want to make amends, and love but I need my space and to be alone. In addition, if anything should ever happen to me, either by someone else’s hands, or not. Give them a chance for forgiveness, but also make sure they pay for what they did to me. I loved life and lived. I know who I am as an Individual and that is priceless, and I am an incredibly brave woman”
I suppose the nightmares are better, lately my legs have cramped up, I have started my new diet, and working on my exercise commitment, and changed my lifestyle a bit.

Today I was shocked from my paper guy, in the BART station it went up from twenty five cents for the San Francisco Chronicle to Fifty Cents Inflation is a bitch.

Recently on one of my excursions for personal and work, and pleasure to the East Bay, I witnessed an gender variant individual being hassled by a Transit driver, I felt poorly for keeping quiet during Trans-Phobia, but they were nice to me and some folks in the bay area Im stealth to.

I honestly don’t like being angry, alone and selfish, attention-whorish, and so much like my mother with the fucked up childhood she gave me, and my father abandoned me. But I can’t turn back time. I only make the best with what I have, one day at a time.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-12T09:14:00.000-08:00

Monday, January 12, 2009

I don’t often blog about things, or feelings or true emotions, I view emotions as a obstacle to life, people come and go and are expendable in my world, it’s not that I’m selfish or controlling or even dominating, it’s just I don’t allow myself to become attached to any people, person or place or thing.

It’s that My selfishness, and inner struggle and anger are a emotional obstacle, it’s not that I deny being Transsexual, or female for matter or are un-sure about it, it’s about the pain of de-transitioning, the suffering of myself, and the fact is I am sure of who I am, it’s just others prejudiced, the time and other flats, but having experienced de transition, I know it will make me more chronicle depressed.

In the movie Death Proof which by the way is filmed in one of my favorite Texas towns, only surpassed by Houston, and Dallas is third, but also having a love for rural east Texas. Kurt Russell makes a quote that he doesn’t drink because “alcohol is a lubricant you have women, beer, sex, and music in the bar” before he starts his murderous psychopathic rampage.

The Point is my suffering to Transition, outside de-transition and Vikki, beer, and red wine withhold my pain. I don’t go out and generally dislike the drunken cesspool of church street and Castro street and the mission at night, not to say I haven’t been in a queer, or dyke bar, but I’ve been maybe three times séance in san Francisco for over a year.

Moreover I notate that I do on brief but rare occasion in my various morning meditation spots such as Delores Park, Ocian Beach, Baker Beach, Golden Gate Park, uc Berkeley campus. I find that I do on occasion concider de-transiton but also know it would, hurt me and I do not feel I can go throough that again.

My suicidal feelings and depression is around the through of giving up and admitting defeat in transitioning, which I won’t do, a lot of my life, I had the bricks laid out for me, I almost married a few times, I was a Latter Day Saint, I watched my life and world collapse in Houston, Texas which I miss the Cajun food and culture, redneck towns, ranches, the Houston Rodeo, The Astros, The Texans, The Rockets.

I miss Montrose more also; My blood and baby steps toward finding myself, and drying up and my blood and sorrows were shed there. In various watering holes, churches, restraints, and instructions and even rooftops in the area, and also various utility condors on the far west and south west, and north west harries county.

I hurt because of that, I am ashamed of how I behaved and acted. I am ashamed of things I did both known, and unknown. I feel poorly, but I worked with my sponsor on these things, I am on step 2 again, and working hard, and these feelings shall pass.

I admit I have a crush on someone a guy, whos very straight, but I suspect might be a closeted case of attractions to trans-women. I feel “peer pressure” keeps him away from me. That’s a confessional, and he shall remain anonymous.

I also flirted with someone this week and was rejected, blab love stinks.

Nevertheless, I have an appointment this morning; I got up about 2 am pacific time, and had a rough weekend. I also saw a coyote near the San Francisco Cal-Train Depot while awaiting the N owl at 3:30 am. Than later this morning
, I saw a fight break out on the 91 OWL which was very well bad, SFPD got there quick, I saw one of the officers I flirt with a few occasions when I witnessed a botched robbery, and a traffic stop and that took a report from me when a guy tried to rob me inside the Jack-In-the Box at 4th and Mission at 4am back in fall 2008, and damaged my Motorola Razor, in addition that location is no longer open 24 hours due to that event.
I also had a dream last night of a motorcycle and riding through Big Sur, and through death valley and up to lake Tahoe, one of the nutty women I live with, my anger toward her drinking and disruptiveness, boiled over, and I took action and another person gave the varying assertive role and it seemed to and hopefully got better, I got a decent night oof sleep.

Perhaps my own anger, social awkwardness, and resentment is part of fear of being hurt, but the only thing to fear is fear itself, and I broke free. Alternatively, am breaking free.

Maybe my problem is being to overly displayed and seeking others self-seeking approval. Maybe I should do more for me. And start to live my life on my lifes terms.
I have shit to do today, and have a very busy week ahead.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-11T12:52:00.001-08:00

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I feel San Francisco is very hard to explain I don’t know if I fit in, per say. I often wonder if Life will ever be what It once was for myself. I have been thinking of my emotionless, it is like a poker face. Perhaps I need to socialize more and get out more, and achieve more things.

Maybe being emotionless is a good thing, but the isolation and being alone. Perhaps my own trans-phobia, and trying is not so bad, maybe in some way It is a good thing. Spoke to ME. The growth of myself as an individual. I have some reading to achieve tomorrow when I must awake early and make my spiritual journey

Perhaps the reason I’m so emotionless, with my “poker face” is because I never really had a childhood, I mean I was provided for and I guess happy, but I wasn’t happy with myself. Therefore, I played the poker face game growing up.

I often wonder if I’m just wasting away my life, its so cold, reality. I hate suffering in my soul, and having burning desires. Its like people hate me so much out of confusion and prejudice, so I coop up in my own center of cyberspace, perhaps its why I launched my blog, and spend so much time blogging.

Perhaps, I’ll find my path one day, but its just so lonely, and being emotionless, is a better way to cope at times in the coffee shops, libraries, diners, museums, churches, beach and other places I frequent I find more about myself and observe other individuals I find peace and amusement in people watching sometimes.

I’m just a private person much as my mother was, even though I’d never be like her, I dune that’s all I have today.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-10T15:09:00.001-08:00

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Slept ok, took a good well-needed shower yesterday afternoon. Cleaned up this morning ok, though not as much to my likening. I have a review for something on Monday, I also have to get up very early to take care of affairs Monday will be a very busy day, this whole week upcoming will be very busy indeed.

I added some code to my server, and drove down to San Jose briefly more recently. I added a few lines of code to my web server as well and have been coding as of late.

Perhaps one day I will achieve the things I desire. In addition, it would be very easy to end it. For example, put on my best poker face, and go out to the world’s best suicide magnet, and jump over with zero hesitation and be prepared for the next step in life after death if even on such exists.

I thought about the religious right and nut jobs such as Michael Savage who published this savage peace right here which I will provide a link to. Being the christen nut job fundamentalists such as Bill O’Reilly andvid even Hate-Mongers such as David Duke, or even individuals such as I tried hard to find a common bond with

I miss my family, I miss my friends, supporters in Houston, I also Miss my grandmother, My AA Birthday is this week I will have eighteen months sober on the 13th of January, I also will be Twenty Eight Years Old on the 18th.

Maybe I just am tired of not having any feelings, or just knowing who I can and can’t trust. I seriously wonder If Ill be unhappy my whole life much as my mother was, I don’t want to be like that, I seriously of late have been concidering takeing a leap of faith from Twin Peaks, The Golden Gate, or even some of the Hills in the east bay, or even fleeing the country and hideing part of my past.
But I don’t want that, Im going to fight this sickness, my sponsor gave me some homework though steps 2,3 and some reading which I will perform.

I saw a few places I plan to attempt to apply this week even though its very busy.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Updates and Lesbian Baby Mamma Drama

2009-01-09T09:33:00.000-08:00

Friday, January 09, 2009

My discovery about something about myself and discovering more about life. People and my therapist is correct I am strange, I don’t have emotions of feelings or just bottle them up, and shove the crap aside. I’ve been watching someone in the San Francisco Transgender Community break free of addiction, and even have some admiration given her and I got into it before, she really has some a long way.

I love to hate San Francisco and the Bay Area. For example, some of my viewpoints are a bit radical, as for advocating the incarnations of drunks, drug addicts, and allow individuals when they get out choosing the first step. Many San Francisco Residents also defer from my viewpoints on firearms, and right to use force.

Moreover, I have discovered about myself, and my life. It’s not that I am emotionless, I just don’t display it. I am more of a quiet, but outgoing, individual. I prefer my privacy and solitude. It is amazing I look so much like my mother in Transition.

Also, I am aware the day will come where and when I will Lose DLG, I think I would and will go to Louisiana just for the funereal, and then turn around and come back to California. I remember the road trip I took in 2006, to San Francisco. Its amazing taking vacation time from work, and going to Party in New Orleans than driving to San Francisco from Houston after partying in new Orleans for the weekend.

Nevertheless, I honestly don’t know how I drove from Houston to San Francisco, on truck stop coffee, bad fast food, and the open highway without resting than sleeping for a day and a half at the Becks Motor Lodge’s

I have a vague recollection of a relapse on a Sparks Entergy drink, unknowing that it had booze And recollections of mimosas, draft beer, red wine, screwdrivers. I seem to remember a disagreement of some sort with my father, which pushed him over the edge.

I don’t have all the answers, but know I must co-exist with others, and that at times is a challenge for me. I suppose, maybe it’s others un-intentional discrimination or using improper pronouns.
Yesterday I observed two individuals in a coffee shop, which I love to people watch, in coffee shops, airports, diners, public places. A girl was discussing with her male friend about her brother who is nineteen, very independent and also dealing with gender issues,
I found great amusement that he never had any friends, was a loner, and went home than left, he worked at star bucks, but what amused me is he lived with his aunt who is a lesbian, and also she referred to her as “he”. She does not quite get it.

I listened to Jayna and Mias, Podcast, which is wonderful, and I enjoy listing to, I heard names and other community leaders I have not heard in a long time. Eventually Ill get on the podcasting, and video blogging wagon, but I prefer writing, maybe I’m a bit old fashioned and sometimes late adopter.

I enjoyed hearing names of wonderful Trans-folk whom are transitioning or have transitioned, Names I heard when I was in high school or fresh out like Marty Aberthnay and some of Transponder episode 100 made me think and re-think the primary purpose of my website, blog and other reasons.
I chose to launch it to make a reality style “real-world / big brother” clone of my transition, feelings, and life experiences. I launched it because I wanted to show the world that we are not all sex craved sex workers, or psychopaths. I wanted to also document my life experiences, where friends, near and far away can monitor me, and check in at any time.

But also I launched the site to protest something unjust, which I can see my part in it. A little over a year ago, I made a difficult choice and series of difficult choices. I chose to leave Houston, start over, I learned that your past and things do follow you if you don’t change things.

I found some intresting trends in my server logs, some of which I will share later. It appears I have some curious visitors from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have been posting as of late on some forums.

Moreover, I thought I would blog about the Oakland Riots the even if the officer was wrong, the individuals that were attempting to start a race war, and riot between cops and civilians were wrong, ever more ignorant is the fact the majority of the small businesses, companies, and other places that were vandalized were run by African American’s , Asians and other minority groups.

Even worse, the cars they smashed it has been documented some of them belonged to African Americans by local media accounts, I think the Oakland police handled the situation well by arresting only the most dangerous and those escalating violence from accounts I witnessed and media reports, it was handled well,
but the mayor of Oakland is partly to blame, for not acting sooner until blood spilled on the streets of Oakland, he should resign he is a poor leader. Anyway today around noon im going to head home and clean up and turn in early, I have a very long and busy day ,and next week is booked very tightly as well.

Moreover, I have not recently had time to work on my domain TGSFO.com, I also have to get up early to meet with my sposor, a AA service commitment, and a few other things, its been a few days without a meeting but I have been reading my big book and 12x12 book.

Next week I need to
1.) Go take care OF business in the federal building
2.) Go to the doctor
3.) Make some work in my living situation
4.) Go to my wonderful therapist
5.) FEDEX the keys to DLG to something
6.) Send the letter changing my name on my truck loan
7.) Take care of some finance issues
8.)
The List
1.) Pick up items at Walgreens
2.) Pick up mail at mailbox
3.) Take a good shower I need to do some grooming and have some hardships in my living suit ion for the next few months, and have to make some changes
4.) Pay my settlement with one of me debtors and creditors
5.) Change my name on my auto loan
6.) A

Gratitude List’
1.) Grateful to have made amends, and potential friendship with a trans-woman of African descent whom we had bad blood
2.) For being able to talk about issues
3.) For having money in the bank, food, clothing and shelter during tough economic times
4.) For having friends, and friends in aa, even if Im alone often
5.) For doing step work with my sponsor

I thought I was also note I added new photos to my photo bucket account and I watched with mild amusement of someone expelling Tran sexuality to me and than Shockley noticed me, and was kind and corrected herself, when I gave her a look, and she initial didn’t notice me, and corrected herself, she seemed to have a understanding of some personal sort, this was in amusement on the MUNI metro this morning.

You can view the new photos at this URL http://s121.photobucket.com/albums/o211/mlgaetjens/?start=all
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-08T10:02:00.000-08:00

Thursday, January 08, 2009

I’ve been pondering my embitterment toward Myself, others, Law Enforcement, Gays, Lesbians, Bisexual, Transgender, and other groups. I used to advocate revolution through action even if it hurt, injured or endangered others, perhaps , I was a angry radical at one point I suppose, looking back at my blog entrees, and e-mails with in individuals it would not surprise me if at some point Perhaps, the FBI or other law enforcement agency was concerned with some of my viewpoints and I had surveillance on me.

Two to three years ago I would be over in Oakland for the reason of rioting and adding the the damage, and body count, or building a home made device to injure others, but wrongs don’t make it right, someone along the line needs to be the better person, and break the cycle of violence.

Threes a meteorphoore that goes like this:

Husband hits the wife due to having a bad day at work when he arrives home\
Wife smacks the kid due to the husband hitting her
Kid kicks the dog due to their mother hitting them

You have to break the cycle along the way, even if someone is wrong, or things do not go your way, the only way to stop radical individuals, angry ones is to be the better person and react with kindness.

The Riots last night, and the panic, terror and chaos disturb me. Being Born in Oakland, and witnessing racial tensions and other California radicals, who blew out of control and anger, I saw part of myself and trust me it is not a pretty sight.

Lucky for me I will not be visiting the east bay for a while until exurban , my business relatshinships, clients, friends and places I do business with are going on vacation, out of town, or not available for appointments.

Moreover, I made a very amusing observation about Bay Area Residents, and lazy labials with not much time. It seems many folks don’t have time to do laundry and drop off service is more popular, but even more amazing is people are too butt fuck lazy to wash their own truck, van, car or sub.

I’ve thought about my relatshinship with my father. I think he is wrong for some of his actions, and inactions, the way I have delta with it, he has cut me off and been absent most of my life, I have to just accept he is never going to be a part of it. Hes gone, and unwelcome in my life if I’m ever married or partnered, or unwelcome to any events.

I grow tired of feeling alone, today I did 4 loads of laundry, I dreamed last night of motorcycles riding through the redwood forests, and big sur. Threes so much one day I want to see of the west coast. I received a letter for a nice apartment I applied for recently that even though in a questionable area, is really nice and they run a tight ship. Ill share more at some point, but I must respect my anonminity and privacy, and more so given I was assaulted by someone whom may have been one of my blog readers.

My alone is partly my choice, I need my space to work things out. My therapist commented she noticed I don’t often have feelings, emotions. Which she found amusing, which Is how and why star trek voyager I am a huge fan of seven of nine searches for her humanity, and femmentity, and also finding myself.

I’m going to presume the bartending school, in the summer. It is a gateway to better and brighter things. I revved a settlement from one of my debtor more recently whom made a very reasonable settlement offer.

One of the things that asks me is my experience when yet again being falsely diagnosed with TB, and a improper x-ray tech, that may have made a indicant mistake but did make me largely uncomfortable in that effect.

I have to haul my big ass backpack full of laundry back home, and I spoke to Jayna at the Law center today, and I might at somepoint enter the podcasting arena, I have a pretty stedy stream of bloggers that follow me.

The reason I’m out as a blogger and do post sometimes info about me is similar to a real world inspiration I had one day, quite a few years ago when I launched leemcg.com, and also purchased the leemcg.org & leemcg.net to protect the brand I worked hard to promote and build.

I think it’s amusing that the real world launched the first Transpersonal and even has a Mormon who looks very homosexual and strange. Id like to push this issue, I’ve seen too many closeted lesbians, and gays in the LDS church the real world Brooklyn amuses me, but Ill problem catch it on Netflix and DVD.

My therapist wanted me do talk about love and relatshinships and my emotions, and selfishness, feelings she sees in me. She said she has never encountered it, I attribute it to my lack of childhood, misspent youth, and also I learned to suppress my emotions when I was five years old My great uncle who died, didn’t take well to be being a “square fairy” and vowed to make a man out of me.

My first experience with knowing I was different I used to spend hours staring into the sears catalog (I’m old) in the 1980s, day dreaming about being a girl. I spent hours at home, I didn’t have much opportunity to dress up but I desired to. But also knew what would happen, or thought so, for example being encouraged to climb a tree, or having to walk on a Louisiana hot concrete in 100 degree heat to “toughen me up” slapped with a stainless steel bates metal drafting instrument for youthful insubordination “gargling in the childhood swimming pool” and not listing.

My acting out and even being out did not surprise the foster care folks and eventually they came around. One day I plan to travel to visit New Orleans and Houston but don’t think Ill go back to bigotry until societies and the United States government changes laws and offers me equality which is doubtful in my life time in my personal opnion, honestly I want to leave the country, and at some point I might relocate to Canada.

I had to learn your true self, and everything is expendable even my tour though the dark side of gender and sexuality inversion therapy which Ill touch on that cueing dent work. Its genetics not a chalice, and people need to respect that.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-07T10:17:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Slept ok, the remodel is going ok. I added code to the site. I am a bit upset about some things beyond my control that are presently occurring in my life. I have to do laundry tomorrow. I also have to adjust my daily routine for about a month or until the contractors finish their end of the remodeling at the place.

I spoke to EDT Today and miss him, but it’s not meant to work out. I also ran into a old friend from Space city, picked up my 12x12 + big book. I also added a few lines of code to my server. I have a review upcoming in about a week for the DIS files, I am alas a bit nervous about that. I also have

I dream of wide open spaces, life and the open highway and the road ahead. I also dream of what Life would have been like if I had continued to pretended to be someone I was not, to live in guilt, shame, and misery, to dive into fantasy role playing games, computer games, video games and other burning desires.

Yesterday I went to the San Francisco Human Rights commission to seek with an issue with discrimination at San Francisco General Hosptial. They are being real douchebags with my medical records and helping me update data.
Zoe and I went to golden gate park this weekend, I also took her to the airport yesterday.

More recently I observed an individual who is struggleing go back to their insanity again. I recived a letter for one of the places Ive been waiting for and applied for more recently it’s a very nice building, very clean, no bullshit but in a very bad area sort of but they keep the riff raff out.
I contacted the San Francisco Community United against violence, Its hard to admit defeat to insanity, I swore Id never become like my mother, but she was run out of Houston as well. Our drinking went downhill in some of the same establishments, she told me transiton was wrong, I was not serious enough to do it. I was young and foolish in the mid 1990s

I also learned about myself and the lack of the trans-community you would think New Oreans would have, I also learned more and more as I progressed, when I was 5 I was hurt for coming out to HJM. He was pretty old fashioned and made a man out of me or so he thought.

I joined the LDS church as a religious cure for all, however finding good hurt and helped me in many areas and aspect of my life.

Maybe Im just bitching and ranting, I have shit to do. I have a therpey appointment today, I have an apoointment with the disibality folks, I also have a few other things going on. Blah, its my so called life.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

The sad state of the health care system, malpractice, misconduct, trans-phobia, and progress but not prefection, and my so-called life

2009-01-06T09:57:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Slept well, a little too well, my sickness was a huge misunderstanding and wrong medical progronosis. I also was very nervous of the possibly I may have been carrying around and spreading sickness to some individuals whom were very sick.

I also was treated poorly at San Francisco General Hospital by an X-ray tech, I contacted the Patient advocate office, as well as a legal firm to advocate on my behalf, I
t’s the second time almost a year to the day a doctor made a false prognosis, to me being a carrier to severe TB, what the fuck is up with the lacking of our health care system, and bad doctors anyway?

To make matters worse, the room where they warehouse potential infected individuals, was very warm, the environmental controls were not set properly, and I refused to sit in a room with at least one very sick individual coughing very badly in a germ filled cesspool.

I am going to be going to P0S today to pick up some things, and my big book and 12 X 12, as well as my other backpack, one bit the dust again. I also had a dream last night of my ex-partner in crime.

I also hope my friend made it back to aussie well. I had to reflash my AT&T tilt, and lost the sync cable to a pickpocket on BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) I believe. That’s one thing I don’t like about the bay area, people don’t have any standing up for themselves, or southern hospitably, and to many teachers, gangbangers, and thieves.

I received a call last night from a Support Group, which I had a disagreement, and did not repeat same mistakes in Houston, I told them I have some affairs to get in order before being considered to return, and had a nice peaceful conversation.

SKR is moving to Berkeley, and I suggested a meeting at the Berkeley AA Fellowship, which I occasionally attend. I’ve changed meetings a bit MB said hello to me on The SF Muni F Line, (I didn’t feel like the MUNI METRO subway today)

I also have had a reaction possibly to some defective cosmetics, and my face peeled, Or it could be the weather, I canceled my electro appointment today. Its burning and Im breaking out very badly, and feel nasty.
I also have to give kudos to the folks who DID treat me with respect at SF general yesterday duing the false TB scare, they were very kind and helpful toward me, and assisited me with finding the right place to file a formal complaint with discriminatory practices with health care.

I do hope President Elect Obama, keeps his promises to the Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Queer, and Transgender community.
I also hope he is a good leader, and doesn’t allow terrorist or handles the Iraq war and middle east confulclts properly, I do worry about the war on terror under the leadership of Obama, as well as his safety with right wing nut job skinhead groups who have already made threats

before he was even elected there were attempts made on him, It would sadden me for him to be another tragedy such as JFK, I hope if the unfortunate attempt on President Obama is made, he makes out as well or better when the attempt was made on Ronald Regan, I do hope he stays safe, he is the first democratic president I voted for, and he is my president whom I voted and campained for.

I think President Bush is a dumbass for his stupid little ploy for the protected wetlands, which is a good thing but a political ploy in his last weeks in office, while I voted for him twice, and at one time was a Bush supporter.

I also think he has hurt and was wrong to Use the EPA to sue the State of California over its tough emissions standards, I was not a big believer in global warming, and envorminetllism until I lived in the most polluted, envormentally unfriendly, smog filled, city in the United States (Houston, texas)

I lot about me changed in Houston, My blood was shed, I found myself and found and lost god, and found god again, I joined the party and left it. I found my true self, at age twenty-four. I learned a lot about life and the hard kicks of life, spent some time in the dirties and nastiest county jail In Texas.

And I settled down and headed west, and found life and god and learned more about myself, and continue to do such

Ive thought of my domain TGSFO.com, and what I want to do with it. I am going to continue to set up the BBS system, and mailing list, resource database. I want to emulate it along the lines of trueselves.com ; transhouston.com ; beginning life forums ; and gender web forums as well as a resource and referral listings that the SF GLBT center has.

It’s a project in progress which I don’t have much time for at the present moment, perhaps Ill start decanting a weekend at the Berkeley Public Library, which I find to be very relaxing the downtown branch on the 2nd floor. I also find the SF Main Liberia sixth floor room to be drama and riff raff proof the special collections room.

This weekend, I saw Mike and Woody get into a bottle fight in the Safe Way parking lot and SFPD respond, I wish they would get into a treatment program, I saw one junkie get so wasted his leg rotted off and he was so crippled, I hope he got help or something I hope he didn’t die. I have seen many sad things, and stories and tales of addiction in The bay area.

I hope god willing our woman of Safeway does not restart the coffee service. That will bring the meeting into utter chaos, lately vie been a bit angry, and lost and distracted. I am working on that, I am aware my defects of charter and selfishness can make me unpleasant to be around.

It took me years of pain to learn patience, which by no means am I perfect, and to be able to let go of the past and make progress. I suppose I spent part of my life angry at the world, god, found god for the wrong reasons as a religious cure for all, than lost it because I picked the one of the most anti GLBT religions to convert to.
I carried anger around, and built it up and dove into projects such as computer gaming, tried to be someone I wasn’t. Almost married once in Texas. I also did cars, and was selfish, sexist, dominating, and pigheaded.

I took others advice, and suggestions as insults anger and resentments. I did nasty things to people who cared, and followed my father’s example in drowning in my sorrows of barrooms, tailgating and falsity wonderland, with lies, deception and using folks.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful for friends and family\
2.) Grateful to have left the south
3.) Grateful to have president elect Obama taking office soon.
4.) For the wonderful foggy damp san francisco weather I love so much
5.) For having a wonderful sponsor

The List
1.) Pick up backpack, 12x12 + big book
2.) Check Mail
3.) Send documents to DLG
4.) Follow up with Transgender Law Center, NCLR + San Francisco general hospital
5.) Do homework for sponsor
6.) Call SF School of bartending, put down payment
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-05T11:43:00.001-08:00

Monday, January 05, 2009

I don’t often Like pity nor is it healthy for me, I have something wrong with me, I am headed to the emergency room. I have more to share later, I don’t want to broadcast things, but its something possibly serious. Ill let you know if it’s a false alarm. And I don’t have a lot of time, but Im doing ok, and strong as a ox, and faithful just a little scared.

Ive decided after my garnishments are finshed bartending school is in my future in lulu of a taxi driver.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-04T11:11:00.001-08:00

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Im alas a bit sick, its bone chilling cold today in San Francisco ate a salad today, posted on a few fourms and mailing lists I lurk on, I discussed with my sponsor after I get through some things, I plan to drop the taxi thing in lulu of bartending school, Ill be a recovered bartender, the economy is to bad to be driving a cab, however I don’t rule it out in the future.

Nor is it something I want to do forever. I should be finshed with my garnishment and things should be improveing in the summer of 2009.

I did a few hours temp work today
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-03T14:02:00.001-08:00

Slept ok, attended two meetings today, one at our lady of safeway, the other at the Rec Center. Spoke to DLG, picked up some items, my body has been alas a bit weak as of late, I also have been having strange dreams.

I have to pick up my documents, and also pay a few bills this week. I also am traveling to the East Bay on Tuesday Morning. I am going to cut back on some areas in my life, I also am going to enroll in the class that I so dearly need to take and promised a few individuals I would take.

I spoke to a friend a bit today, and have some commitments I need to keep so my entry will be brief today. But what I have been pondering recently is the following:

Just struggleing to fit in to the world and find balance with my inner self, and self-acceptance its something that I will do on my own, and take stime and is sometimes slow and painful. But I am making great progress, I think I will start to feel better about myself in about a 6 months when My garnishment is finsished, in the mean time, I am making some adjustments to myself and areas of my personal well being.

Maybe Im just roughing it to take care of some things I wish I had taken care of long ago.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-02T11:25:00.001-08:00

Friday, January 02, 2009

I have been self-reflecting and learning in Life, what I learned about humility, self-discovery, and myself. I learned that I never really had a childhood, my peer pressure, and irresponsible actions in Texas, and Louisiana, and acting out was being the rebel I never was.

My anger, resentment and feeling out of place, under-sexualized, as well as not being discovered my true spirit. I even have some of these actions In San Francisco. Perhaps I will not always be alone and so selfish, attention whorish, and self-centered, disrespectful of boundaries.

My life, and self-pity I find utterly disgusting along with the overly liberal San Francisco, while I agree with some of San Francisco’s Ultra Liberal Values, other topics and issues in California I find utterly disturbing, its amazing a place where many radical viewpoints are formed, both right wing and far left.

It also hurts to feel like I don’t connect or click with others, the community and American Life, I dream of something far away, in the country side someplace other than the Once Great United States of America, now the shame and laughing stock of the eastern world.

Moreover, I feel I discovered a feeling of emptiness, perhaps part of the void of whets missing, and letting go and allowing faith to take over is better for us all.

Maybe I will sort it out in 2009, when some of my debits to society and past transgressions and moving on in my new life on the ultra liberal left coast.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-02T09:44:00.001-08:00

Friday, January 02, 2009

Spoke to my good confidant who is a transgender man this morning, and someone I confide in. I also spoke to DLG today. I added some code, and am working on my domain at TGSFO.COM. I also worked on LEIGHMCINNISGAETJENS.COM

Its, cold wet foggy and rainy today in San Francisco, a typical January here. I recently started expanding my mind with another book The Looming Tower AL-QAEDA AND THE ROAD TO 9/11 by Lawrence Wright.

Lately ive been posting to the Beginning Life Fourms, and the Gender Web Fourms. I am planning on starting my own at TGSFO.com,

I spoke to a friend who lied to me, that was using me for their sexual pleasure, and I was hurt by that, they also lied about their age, and are a spoiled kid of a yuppie with a fake ID, but the sexual thing was amazeing.

My website is gaining in popularity and I promoted it alas a bit more, I just don’t have the inspiration for my coding much of late, Im rebuilding my life I suppose, some of my hits dropped off, but my site is as popular as ever.

I hope my friend had a safe trip home, and passes through TSA ok, on her journey back to melbourine. I also hope my father is doing well.

Lately Ive had one of my favorite songs stuck in my head Larry Gatlin – Houston brings me one step closer to you, I do love some old classic country western songs.

I might meet with my sponsor for lunch today after I finish laundry, and do a few other things the weather sure is nasty right now!

My grattuide List
1.) Grateful to be alive\
2.) Grateful for my health
3.) Grateful for some rain
4.) Grateful for the blessings of soberity
5.) Grateful for my sponsor and to be getting some step work finished

The List
1.) Check Mail
2.) Send keys to DLG
3.) Copy insurance documents
4.) Fax Name change to finance company
5.) Pay Bills today

Goals
1.) Be less selfish and domnating in personality
2.) Go with the flow more
3.) Work a better program
4.) Be more kind to others
5.) Love myself
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2009-01-01T09:55:00.001-08:00

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Well it’s a new year, I preformed some mathematical analysis recently about my back payments, debit and amends to make. Around this summer one of my Finance amends will be taken care of. I also might have my 4x4 in the city, and I ideally will be moving up from my current living suitution.

Out look for dates of being noteworthy

On 1-06-2009 = 1 year in san francisco
On 1-13-2009 = 18 months sober

01-18-2009 = I will be twenty eight years old

07-13-2007 marks 2 years sober

10-31-2008 marks 3 years from when I started binge drinking and crossed over to being a drunk like my father

I looked at going back and doing PAC work, paid. I also am working on my taxi driver school. I also might start moonlighting as a San Francisco taxi driver as a bridge to better things, and to work on an ADLC Certification while going back to college.

I spoke to my confidant Tammy, yesterday about the pig headed thing a selfish man said to me and a bit sexist and you would think homosexual men would be less trans-phobic, but the reality is Transsexual and Queer individuals are the reason most GLBTQ individuals get harassed, due to not being “masculine” or “ feminine” enough.

I am doing some serious step work with my sponsor this week. I also slept well, woke up about 3am, cleaned up went back to sleep, than got up about 4 to use the bathroom, than lay down to 5 am, fixed my face, than out at 6am, and there were still tweakers outside and about. I did NOT want to be out early this morning.

I saw Mike on the N Bus as well; i am going to go to a different meeting today. On the other hand, maybe skip one, I might go to a friend who is having a LAN Party and play some counterstrike. Alternatively, I just might write code for my website.

I still owe roughly 3,500 in back payments, I have 22 months left on my auto loan, I also have some credit card debit I’m repaying, My partner is leaving the country tomorrow and going back home so it’s a day to say goodbye, which we already had. We became close under duress and common bond, I look forward toward her next visit to the USA, one day I may join her in her country.

I added some code to my server, and am going to work on my tgsfo.com domain. I may create a new index.html page for leemcg.com as a gateway to other sights. I saw some tweakers on the N Line bus this morning due to MUNI being on holiday service.

I went to sparkys, and had coffee and saw my good pal zeake, whom is funny and also amusing given we have southern stories, I told him. Some dipshit ripped me off out of 20 bucks and pick pocketed something for me, I think it might have happened on BART, its why I keep two billfolds in my purse, a task and procedure I started when I moonlighted as a messenger, and pizza driver but was in semi practice many years earlier.

I have been thinking about the kind of person I want to become, I don’t want to continue to be as selfish and attention whoreish, Id like the shut the fuck up and listen more in 2009, and be more pleasant to be around,

What I’m grateful for in 2008
1.) To have relocated to san francisco
2.) To have remained sober in san francisco
3.) To have found myself

What I am setting goals for in 2009
1.) Make amends to my creditors
2.) Improve my living suitutin
3.) Go back to collage as my finances shift into order
4.) Do more with my pickem up truck
5.) Possibly drive to Louisiana in 2010 or 2011 to visit and then come home to san Francisco and maybe a visit to Houston

Grattuide List

1.) Grateful to have a sponsor
2.) Grateful for my health
3.) Grateful for my self confidance
4.) Grateful to be alive
5.) Grateful to have a plan

\
The list for today

1.) Pay bills (online)
2.) Pick up items at drug store
3.) Buy DPT parking meter card, and MUNI Fast Pass
4.) Write letters
5.) Send documents and keys to DLG
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Progress in San Francisco

2008-12-31T10:21:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Slept well last night, awoke this morning, Cleaned up, untagged my hair, and fixed it nice, I’ve been roughing it for a few days, I cleaned and groomed myself, have a few things to finish up tonight. Have some items to pick up at the drug store as well, bills to pay, duties.

Doing some step work with my sponsor this weekend, I also have some other goals to achieve. My garnishments have further increased in various matters, which I am forced to make amends to for past transgressions in California, Texas and Louisiana.

Had a wonderful 7am meeting at the San Francisco Alano Club, Saw Tammy today as well. I wrote some code, I am going to get a California DMV Printout as well. Got a photo of a guy pissing on the market street. The un edited life of San Francisco Downtown and The Tenderloin and South of Market areas, I posted this my blog.

My life sucks, but I am accountable for my actions, and inactions. My sponsor wants me to follow through with a few items and also I have a trip to Athron, CA upcoming to handle some affairs. A taxi driver position is a doorstep to better things, even if alas a bit dangerous in the troubled economy, and the dangerous Hunters Point and Western Addison as well as the Tenderloin.

I am off to have a happy new year, and to fast as well. My partner wants me to go out for new years, but alas I decline she and I are becoming more and more distant in life, my growth and innerpersonal enlightment, and further discovering life and what doesn’t work
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-30T09:10:00.001-08:00

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Slept well, had a rude awaking while sleeping last night. Ate ok, saw someone who gave me gratitude today. Spoke to my sponsor, not much else going on. Just getting through the holiday season.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-28T08:48:00.001-08:00

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Received a reply from the LDS church was interesting and much as I expected.

I made some posts to some forums, got up about 3am today, cleaned up and did errands, took care of business, plan to go to a meeting in the height today, I also did some coding and am looking forward to being a taxi driver as a stepping stone to greater things, talked to some MUNI drivers this morning, still plan to go back and get my CDL, I’m impressed with their transit discounts and benefits they get, as well as gender reassignment is covered.

I spoke to my sponsor, who wants me to get off my ass and do something, my again friend I’m worried about I think she may be in trouble and went out last night, she might be a potential future 12-stepper. She’s strong and independent and ran with the rough crowed and learning about how the world really works, she’s twenty-four, reminds me of when I first started to find myself.

I broke paths with my support group, they let me go, I found a common interest and persona I don’t like TG support groups other than anonymous online forums. I expressed my anger and resentment toward some individuals, but moved on with my life, the fact and how they treated me broke with something I learned hard.

I’m finding my interests are changing with transition, my personality and truth be told I like to be left alone, and be focused on service, duty, and being kind to others. I had tea this morning at my favorite coffee shop or rather one of them
I might drop by and say hi to Tammy at the Alano club. I spoke to Kathy from lambda when I wanted to call and wish sonny a happy mass even though has an athaithist.

I’ve moved on with some things, I lesbian on castor st made a pass at me, I also was completed by women on my legs. I had some lesbians in a bar checking me our yesterday as well. I don’t go in the Castro much, maybe I’m too metro sexual or something.

I brought closure to my disagree and past transgressions with the following groups and have moved on with my life
1.) Houston Transgender community members whom I hurt
2.) The marina dock with a selfish individual that made a transphbic comment, and sexist comment
3.) Castro Country club with a individual who made a trans-phobic racisi, and sexist remark
4.) The pacific center whom was supportive but I made a comment
5.) The church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
6.) Lambda Center with an individual
7.) My father whom never filled that role and lives in San Francisco and works with his lies at UC Berkeley
8.) The SF LGBT center with an individual whom didn’t treat me fairly and accused me of something
9.) The Alano club with an individual whom made a sexist remark
10.) Myself (forgiveness)
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Progress in San Francisco

2008-12-27T10:36:00.001-08:00

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Slept rather well, alas a bit late, made it to our lady of safeway at 7 this morning, filled my service commitment. Stil thinking about the asain girl I have a crush on, I came out to her a bit, but its not right. And I cant handle the relatshinshop built on common trauma, and stress, plus shes bisexual so its possible.

Moreover, I am going to take the city permit process and become a San Francisco taxi driver, I talked to my sponsor and some of my friends in Berkeley, and Oakland as well as my diesel dyke friend, and all suggest it and three of them have worked as Taxi drivers, its just a step in the direction I need to take to better myself.

I must admit San Francisco General treated me with respect, when I was sexually asulted, and initial didn’t know my cirmstances or I was TS, also some folks in Berkeley don’t know either, I came out and disclosed to one person whom is gay, but do admire given we have similar soberity dates, and go to the same meetings who by doing so the person admires me even more because he knows how rough I have it.

I spoke to DLG is still sick, I spoke to MLS this week as well, I might go to the Alano club today, I just plan to be a litte alone right now, I need to do some step work on some bickering that is takeing place on Yelp, with a selfish womanizer, pig who was disrepsctful to lesbians, and transsexuals, as well as anyone who doesn’t fit his right wing adgenda, and has to admit my faults to fight back in yelping.

I added code to my server, I also took some photos which I plan to upload this weekend, I got a few great captures with my new digital camria, It amazes me how cheap flash memory has become. I saw my EX this past week, I felt indifferent, as well as someone whom I have a very big attraction to and crush on in the program even if not on the best terms.

Anyway I am greatful to have a support circle of friends even if I prefer to explore alone, (other than working with my sponsor) I have some things Im working on in 2009, some of which I wil blog about later.

The reason I have my website, blog and other things are to express myself, and maybe one day write a book from passages written between 2005-through current. Im pretty popular in the blog and as a out net personality even if Im selfish and treat people like crap sometimes

I sent the e-mail to christen recenty at the advice of my sponsor briefy thanking her, and saying im trying to move on with my life,.

Ill be out and about, I might go to the movies to see Tom Cruse be a nazi.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-26T08:56:00.001-08:00

Friday, December 26, 2008

I have something, I want to write but will hold off. I am a bit angry about being sexually assaulted earlier this week, and the fact the scum might be a stalker from my website, or someone from 12-step meetings based on what they said to me.

I have some goals I am working on, and plan to achieve, and other things that I want to finish before 2008, and into 2009. I hope an individual whom I have resentments toward self and also jealousy toward, we can find some common ground for me to move forward and coexist.

Im really enjoying the cold weather, my christamas was ok, and I have plans today.

I also have some work to do with my sponsor.

Not much else to say, just another day.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-25T08:21:00.000-08:00

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Its Christmas, Im alone, I went out a bit this morning, I plan to go to the DMV and get a printout, I also am going to after the new year, enroll for the Cab Drving Class, I also have an electro appointment next week.

I spoke to DLG; I called a few supporters in Houston. I added some code to my site, I also might go to the movies today, something about tom cruise playing a Nazi excites me, some of the guys at sparks found it Interesting of my hormonal and sexual arousal reaction to a peanut butter, cholicate, and caramel with collocate ice cream old fashioned shake.

Moreover I slept well, and told my folks I loved them, I recently met someone who is illegal and I have feelings for, and is stuck in the states against her will, I don’t think shes bi or even lesbian but we are very close, and she also was recently sexually assaulted and robbed and her parents are glad she left her country, I feel sad for her, because Ive been in her shoes in 2006.

I might walk in golden gate park today if I don’t go to the movies, or I might go out to the queer beach. Or I might just stay inside and write code. I am uncertain as to how my day will plan out. I plan to try to fit a meeting in today somewhere.

But whatever, Life’s not easy but Im strong.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-23T10:58:00.001-08:00

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I was sexually assaulted yesterday, didn’t encounter any trans-phobia at SF general, got checked out they took a report, slept 4 hours, awoke, took care of my affairs, than did laundry, I also made contact with the Mormon Bishop and will share some e-mails in a bit. But first,
My attacker may have been someone or a stalker from my blog and/or AA. I sometimes obscure things, or delay posts. In addition, I did not get the snickers when they found out I was a Transsexual, and also initially they had trouble locating me in databases. I pass my gender role even better and better. IT feels good to be back.

More recently, more of my blackout in San Francisco a year and half ago is remembered. I also spoke to my diesel dyke friend. Who is a big part of my continued sobriety and establishing myself positively in San Francisco.

I’m grateful for
1.) Health
2.) Being assertive
3.) Youth
4.) Beauty
5.) Pride
The List
1.) Mail
2.) Call sponsor
3.) Write code
4.) Do work for client
5.) Laundry
6.) Meeting

I moved on from my disagreement, with christen, and made closure in those matters. In January imp going to problem take steps to become a Taxi Driver in San Francisco, I also plan to do a few other things.

I vet made some progress in some fanatical areas in my life, I also had an amazing experience on Sunday looking for a replacement razor, the unit and cartages are hard to locate had luck at 18th and Castro Walgreens.
I spoke to DLG is sick, I also want to speak to whoever hurt me, that you’re not going to scare me away from blogging. I made progress not perfection. I was abducted by two police impersonators in a ex police auto with fake badges, the guy who forced me to perform protected oral sex I may know from aa and may have been stalking me. He knew details I shared in a few meetings in the East Bay, as well as things from my blog and website.

Here is the attached Letters to and from my Mormon bishop even though I’m not Mormon, It’s still part of my 12-step work.
************************************************************************************************************************************************************
es we could, I don't know if that's something I'm ready to do. I wish
to discuss that with my therapist and sponsor. My website, blog and
other sites cross linked and googling me would be a best way into my
insight.

I had a very bad and unwelcoming experience with one of the members in
the family ward whom I still see in the city. on my last time I
resided in San Francisco and Led to a relapse. I do want to build a
relationship, and share my story of how I feel the church failed me. I
don't ever think Id be able to come back, as the church is not very
accepting of individuals as myself.

The church was a big part of my drinking and "death wish" I disagree
with various church policy's and also at least one of the
dis-fellowshipable offences in the church hand book of instructions.
which more insight could be gained.

I had a bad night and was sexually assaulted for the 3rd time in my
life, and was unable to speak with you long. I would like to allow you
in my life, but I have great pain of walking though those doors, given
an abusive co-workers, failed relationship, and a abusive employer led
me to start binge drinking.

I Joined the church as McInnis Lee Gaetjens in Harvey, LA in 2001, I
attended high school with a member, I was officaly baptised in 2004,
By elder jeff jones at the West bank Ward In Harvey, LA shortly after
my mothers death.

Between 2005-2007 I was active and eventually less active and left in
the church in Baton Rouge, Houston, Dallas, Austin, Salt Lake, New
York, Los Angles, Portland, and Seattle as well as rural east Texas
wards Started drinking Post Katrina, when the abuse started and Law
environment was unhelpful. I was struggling with issues, and suicide.

My name here is my legal name and Ive gone though a lot of changes
from 2005, Ive been sober as of 7-13-2007 at Lambda Center in Houston,
Texas, was in the Harris County Jail in Jan, and served 45 days
between April and may of 2007. for disorderly conduct, resisting
arrest, terror threat.

My blog / website attracts 20,000 - 30,000 hits a month, and have
many loyal followers. Since its launch in 2006, Ive taken some info
down and used it for political reasons, I also own many other domains.
I disagree with the church on Prop 8. and it made me angry.

I belive the person who attacked me may be from an aa meeting and may
have used some information off my blog to hurt me, but it will not
stop me from being true to myself and allowing me to blog, and post on
the web.

with the help of google you can find one of the letters I sent to
church headquarters regarding prop 8.

which I also was unable to deliver to you

Leigh "Lee" McInnis Gaetjens
PO Box 425081 San Francisco, CA 94142
(713) 578-0016 www,leemcg.com * leemcg@leemcg.com (415) 678-0859

Sunday, August 24, 2008
Bishop Or Branch President
San Francisco YSA Ward
1601 22nd ave San Francisco, CA 94142

Subject: prop 8 from a (prior) member whom was NOT ex-commutated

Dear Bishopric of San Francisco,

My (Prior) Name was McInnis Lee Gaetjens; I was born on January 18th
1981 to Kathryn McInnis Gay and Martin Clark Gaetjens, to good
parents. My father in my youth started binge drinking and became an
alcoholic. My parents split my mother went back to her hometown of New
Orleans, LA. My father was originally from New York City. My Parents
moved here in the late 1960s/ early 1970s.

I was a convert to the church in Harvey, LA at the west bank Its ward,
under the bishopric and later branch president of John Friday whom
served there for a years and later resigned due to being displaced by
his job with hurricane Katrina.

I was semi-active in the New Orleans YSA ward, the the Brays Bayou YSA
Yard in Houston, Texas. I fell away from the church in Louisiana long
before Katrina. I do believe in the church, but my Transsexual /Gender
Identity and sexual orientation, caused me much comfort, with
relocating to Houston, Texas for my job after Katrina. For a while, I
was with the Sam Houston YSA Ward, under Bishop Craig Petty.

I started binge drinking around Christmas 2005, and drank until
7-13-2007 off and on, struggling with my issues, I am writing this
letter to this disgust and questionable legal status of the church as
a 501(c)3 non-profit meddling in police rallying and activism.

I also can tell you from personal experience in cities I have visited
many people don't speak up, about the pain, I drank because I was
afraid, I was abused at my job in Houston, I was abused in my
apartment, I had my home violated, and was blackmailed and extorted
due to the state of Texas, my drinking and self-distortive behavior.
It is likely I will never recive justice for my hate crime and sexual
assault by co-workers. I could not turn to the church for help,
however I do know many closeted members even some married and on
bishoprics, high councils, and other callings.

The point is the church teaches that we are supposed to be kind and
loving, and respectful of individually, many of us commit suicide,
adultery or drink or fall into other vices. I think the church should
change just as it did with African Americans and the priesthood in
1978.

The church widespread discirmaties in a state, and sponsors
discirmation for voters and individuals freedoms and civil liberties .
The local leadership and high counsel and headquarters in salt lake
city should allow us equal privileges and rights

I would like to sit down and discuss this matter with you

I can be reached at

(415) 678-0859
Leigh McInnis Gaetjens is my current legal name
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
LEEMCG @ LEEMCG .COM
WWW. LEEMCG.COM(blog/photos/art/webpage)

For the most Part, I still do believe in the church but why should I
worship where I am actively persecuted against, and I do follow the
principles and teaching of the church, with the exception of some,
which discriminate and are old and dated to GLBTQ members.

The reason I became sober at Lambda Center in Houston Texas was due to
having a vision, similar to Joseph smith, I was in an auto accident,
and was Tazered, beaten, and handcuffed and lost 3 hours of my life in
cardaric arrest, heart attacks and blackouts in Jan 2007 ,

Furthermore, band as a direct result to my actions served sometime in
The Harris County Jail Saw my (dead) mother, relative and also was
told I was loved, and still feel my heavenly father, and know he loves
me for the real "me".

it angers me that I am unwelcome to worship in a church whom actively
discriminates against Transsexual-women, and I left, I would love to
rejoin, but why rejoin if I am unwelcome.

Your sister in Christ and Sobriety,

Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens

WWW.LEEMCG.COM - Loud & proud
"Born Californian, Raised Cajun (With Gravy & Lagniappe), Came Out Texan"

> Hi Lee,
>
> We could talk on Sunday January 4 in the afternoon or Monday evening
> January 5. We meet at the building at 22nd and Lawton.
>
> Bishop Laymon

--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

A day to get MILKed, loss and morning of a austin, texas ledgend

2008-12-19T10:20:00.000-08:00

Friday, December 19, 2008

Slept ok, still a little sick, enjoyed watching Milk yesterday, going to drop off and print my resume at some places, I also have some errands to run and fate will maybe take me to north beach today and the tenderloin both of which I dislike very much so the crazy drinking at night in North Beach, and the Tenderloin piss smell, and crackheads and junkies.

I send an email and thank you to MLS, I also am somewhat on goals, I had coffee this morning to my delight, and have a bit to do and I need to keep this entry short, I have a meeting planned for later this morning, and something to drop off to a friend in Bayview, so a very busy day.

I also attached a few emails I sent to loved ones, part of the reason I have a website is to share, document, and inspire others reality tv style, uncensored.

she was an acquaintance of mine, whom I met a few times in Houston,
and a few times when vi sting DFW and Austin, she spent falls in
Houston, the sad part is she was given services, but denied a place to
sleep, she couch surfed with me once, when I worked for walmart and
she froze via hypothermia to death in the snow storm in Austin. I also
once gave her a ride, and bought her dinner in 2005, and 2006, I met
her in 2007 again at the Houston GLBT Caucus while doing database
entry work.

The city of Austin, parts of Dallas, and Houston as well have various
nondiscrimination ordnance's, which are not all ways enforced, I have
even been discriminated against in the east bay, but generally folks
accept me, given Years of hormones, Hair removal, and starting
transiting and hormones under 25 (24years old) I started pre Katrina,
I wasn't out yet.

I found out she died yesterday after I had advance tickets to see Milk
at the Castro Theatre so it was very upsetting. that someone was deny
ed a place to sleep, and slept in a winter blistered and died, she was
an amazingly brave person, I am brave in some ways,

She was often in Houston for day of remembrance and also I knew her
from working with the equality Texas PAC similar in nature to Equality
California. Despite my bad blood with some members of the GLBT
community and some of my controversial more right wing political
views, not all folks shun me in Austin, Dallas, Houston, New Orleans.
I even am controversial in San Francisco, with some of my political
view points,and my support and friendship and membership with the Pink
Pistols, and NRA

I watched milk at 1pm yesterday with a friend at Castro theatre, I all
most cry ed in tears, I have only seen one movie in the bay area"Iron
Man" .My sponsor said I needed to do something fun and take some time
for me

I'm going to send you a list of folks, that have been positive role
models, inflludantional or friends or aqaunces whom I would like
notified in the event of my murder, death, or if I go missing for an
extended period. Its an unfortunate reality that I face,Hate and I
have a few various individuals whom inspired me.

I may send it to you in Microsoft word format on a cd-r, which in the
event Dan, you don't hear from me for an extended period Id like you
to report me missing with SFPD, which is also an additional reason I
sent you photographs of myself.

I also want you to know in the event I go missing, or unheard of this
person I do keep in touch with

Luanna Rogers LMFT
3850 17th st
san francisco, ca 94114
415-934-7727

Obviously shes a therapist

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/texassouthwest/stories/121708dntexgale.709fa3f0.html

Transgendered former Dallas mayoral candidate Jennifer Gale found dead in Austin

01:46 PM CST on Wednesday, December 17, 2008

From Staff and KVUE-TV reports

A body found near the University of Texas campus this morning is that
of perennial mayoral candidate Jennifer Gale, Austin fire officials
said.
AHNA HUBNIK / DMN
Jennifer Gale

Ms. Gale, 47, a transgendered homeless former Marine, had run
unsuccessfully for numerous public offices in Austin and Dallas. She
finished ninth out of 11 candidates in the 2007 race for Dallas mayor.

In Dallas' 1995 mayoral race, she earned five votes as a write-in candidate.

The body was found in front of the First English Lutheran Church in
the 3000 block of Whitis Avenue where Ms. Gale was staying, and
officials told KVUE-TV they feel certain the body was that of Ms.
Gale.
Also Online

11/28/07: Also-rans in mayor's race seek respect

City Hall Blog: A 'gentle soul'

Austin police said the medical examiner's office had not identified the body.

A crew responded to a 911 call and found the body, fire officials
said. The crew performed CPR for at least 30 minutes but never felt a
pulse.

Ms. Gale gained fame in Austin by repeatedly running for multiple
offices, including mayor, City Council, governor and Congress. Ms.
Gale was also known for attending municipal hearings where she
presented arguments in song. She planned to run for Austin mayor in
2009.

Ms. Gale ran for Dallas mayor in 2007 and wanted Dallas to legally
recognize gay and lesbian unions, turn the Trinity River Corridor into
a working farm and extend publicly subsidized health and dental
benefits to residents.

WWW.LEEMCG.COM - Loud & proud
"Born Californian, Raised Cajun (With Gravy & Lagniappe), Came Out Texan"

another email
I think austin is a great place, I ran away to san francisco, with a
friend I had a place than lost it, I came out in Houston, I made bad
choices there, and did some time in the harris county jail for
misdeminors. IM a soft-butch and a bisexual though lean lesbian, Im
very femmie, but butch when necessary.

I think you should network with the site www.transhouston.com they are
doing some great things in the community in Houston.

Ill share about my selfishness, I made bad choices in my transtion,
some men abused me I was raped, I was scared and didnt go foward to
the police, and let things get over my head, I didnt quit an
emotionaly, physcaly, and sexualy abuseiving working, living, and
community suitution.

The shelters in SFarevery accomidateing, But 90% of the girls here,
have drug additions, HIV, felonys, work as prostuites (we have a 50%
unemployment rate) or have a co-dependant male relatshinoship that is
unhealthy.

I have none of these, its hard being on your luck, but I dont have a
future in Harvey, LA. I walked away from my home, truck, job, becuase
who I am is important.

I obey the law, and go to AA meetings daily.amd work to better myself.
Best of luck in starting a shelter.

And yet another

Dear Dad,

Thank you for everything you did for me.
I hope some day I can make amends to you
I am trying hard to live better

Goodbye and happy holidays

Your daughter,

Leigh

PS: I hope the photos I sent to you found the way to you well ( i
wanted you to have proper photos of me)
, the medical health directive if Im ever killed or seriously injured
my doctor and legal team has copys of it and is aware of my wishes,
please see to it that I am never butchered and burred as someone else
whom is long gone, when I was a diffrent person

ere is my primacy care doctor

http://www.lyon-martin.org/

Lyon-Martin Health Services
1748 Market Street Suite 201
San Francisco, CA 94102

In addtion it was prepared by

http://www.transgenderlawcenter.org/
Transgender Law Center
870 Market Street
Room 823
San Francisco, CA 94102
415-865-0176 phone
877-847-1278 fax

415-565-7667
415-252-7512 (Fax)
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Progress not prefection

2008-12-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I Slept well, had toast and coffee this morning, I have some code I want to write, I’m meeting some of my faineance goals, I also plan to lay low for a while as well. I saw the SFPD Officer who mistreated me in Jan 26,th 2008 didn’t even reconsider me, was very nice and didn’t even know I was TS keep in mind this is the most redneck, son of a bitch SFPD Officer I ever encountered.

I moved on from my resentment toward him, I made a complaint to the Office of citizen complaints, and put it to my own personal Jesus.

Furthermore, an Investment for a new computer is in the works, or an additional laptop. I also applied for two apartments not sros, this week where I can live all alone and cook. I also ran into a old friend, who wanted me to go to LA with him, to run high power assut typefirearms, from just some guy who likes me between a source in east Oakland and also the guy whom deals in high power handguns near civic center. I declined, I am going legit. And have been out of my shady past for long enough where Im safe.

Recently at the San Francisco Public Library I got my hands on a copy of the Sunday Houston Chronclie and red something in an advice column which is one of my former sponcess who is a chronic relapser for 20 years, Her well to do parents want to cut her out of their estate, its sad its like the 4th person I noticed that I knew the details seince going straight

When Fishing season starts I might try to get work down at the docks, which also I know a few rough and tough guys, Last night much to my displeasure, I learned more about drugs in AA and in san Francisco than when I was in the club scene, I never did illegal drugs, though one time a guy slipped me a Mickey.

Ideally I think IM going to take the cab drivers class and end the co-dependency, and other issues. I miss my ex-girlfriend in the East Bay, she took advange of my financially over a summer romance, we never even slept together but we shared a bed, cuddled and had some amazing conversations but I was foolish enough to get attached to someone I knew I was not compatible, I think she moved, and do worry about her.

In addition, The SF weekly has a great article about the shady folks in Fisherman’s wrf, Yetesterday I listened to some struggling women talk about drugs, post cards, It odd with my present cirmstances and sometimes having to reach out for help, I know a lot about The San Francisco Underworld, I don’t spend my free time in it. I went legit.

I sent the e-mail to christen per my sponsors request, I also removed some content via Google and other parts which to make amends with my Latter Day Saint Past. Given my online activism had YSAWARD.COM shut down, much to the disgust of my former Mormon Sisters and Brothers. I also found out me leaving had other lesbians in my ward come out, or may have been instrumental, in doing such, the one thing my father has told me seine relocating to SF is “I am a increbatilve brave woman” he is correct. I am brave, and my suffering and agony is what keeps me brave.

I had a friend with a Law enforcement background do a bit more digging on my father. If he ever relapses and hits or does anything to his new wife, I will see to it that I do everything in my power that he spends the rest of his life in San Quentin. He has never done right by me, his rejection towards me even if just given some things I told him a few years ago. Has made it where, to if I ever get partnered, adopt kids, or anything else, I don’t want him around me, as well as his lies about my mother doing coke, and the lies he made when I was eighteen and in foster care.

I was given the 411 on the true nature of his visit, on a former caseworker’s deathbed, due to an illness a few years ago, I drove to Louisiana, and the caseworker had files they kept after leaving. He is a lier, and if I ever find out her abuses his new wife, I am to do everything to make sure he given his age dies in prison, because it’s not the first time. I don’t trust him, and he is still doing wrong by me, I gave up on him a new year is amongst us and I have many resolutions.

1>) Get a NEW place to live alone, or buy into a better c-op
2.) get working part time maybe as a cab driver
3.) go back to school and get the IRS issues taken of, as well as the articles of incorporation sent to the collage for various finance accounts
3.) Buy a new laptop for collage in the summer

Furthermore, I found out something else about someone I hurt that I am jealous of, our bad beef and everything nasty, mean and hateful I did to her, was out of fear, and well wanting what she had. I don’t plan on having any contact with her in SF. I am keeping a ubber low profile in the next few weeks, however we bumped paths three times, I also said a simple hello which she has a good reason to shun me.

More, importantly I have forgiven myself for what I did in Texas. Moreover, am moving forward that’s my new years resolution, It sucks being alone during the holidays but given present cirmstances, I am being a lot more careful who I trust, allow into my personal, professional, and program. Maybe I will not always have to be a lone rider, outlaw, ex diesel dyke.

I discussed with my therapist about some issues about my transition, fiancés, and other issues, I also spoke about SRS, and a few other issues down the road. I looked into a few other matters. I sent the letter to my support group, expressing my feelings and made amends and gave the info, but also gave them farewell, and that uttery made me end friendships/

More, over I think I might go finally see milk today, I need some r&r and haven’t had any fun for monthes, I think Ill take today off for me, because I need to feel better. This morning, I accidently scared a poor woman, when I droped a series of magazines on the floor. I feel really bad for her, I used to be so scared, insecure and jumpy when I was newly sober, and in Texas, SFPD in general treats me well, and I avioid contact with them as much as possible.

But I have contact when I walk in on things, and sometimes my street smarts pay off. It also saddens me that I have had to give statements to the police against people I know, some on the streets, some of whom acted violently toward me, My how the ties have turned.

Threes a under twenty five, transgender woman, whom is much like me at that age, she’s butch, lesbian but also lateen, looks like she deals, but doesn’t use or drink, and also moonlights as muscles, vie also seen her dealing in firearms, and also breaking legs of individuals. I would like to reach out to her but unsure how. I mean the tradition of attraction rather than promotion, imp going to discuss with my sponsor. I really don’t find myself in a position to deal with more drama.

I’ve also decided to cut back dramatically my ties to the SF GLBT Center, as well as TEEI and Clair Fairly not for any reason, just I need my space and I’m the DIY type of gal, and don’t need groups, I’ve also decided other than the commitments I have, and my membership at the Alano Club, imp going t start attending new meetings.
It also sad that SF can be Trans-Phobic, it’s been suggested to me in more conceptive meetings that I’m unwelcome and to go to first place (which I don’t recommend for anyone). Ive encountered transphoobia from the old manger of the Alano Club (the new manger is cool), and the former Manager at the Marina Dock.

The Incident at the dock, prompted me to retaliate, it was an emotionally bad time, and when with a ex-girlfriend who was post op, and the same age Twenty Seven and very stealth and not active in the GLBT community. S
FPD questioned me about it, I was wrong for what I did but was also honest with them about what happened and also saw my part oof what I did wrong, but I didn’t deserved to be called what tony called me, or physically touched in that manner or denied women’s meetings even though I don’t like most other women or myself it’s a place I share things, Irish tony can butt fuck himself at his redneck arrogant concretive new club house, and is a right wing nut job

I don’t like the marina anyway, too stuck up, I also don’t like the northern district, despite I looked at an apartment in the Western Addition yesterday, fuck the tenderloin (tender trash, ghetto, crack central, and parts of SOMA. I like parts of bay view and hunters point despite the bad rap, I have strong street smarts. And protected myself with focrce in a young punk from Oakland looking for trouble, my training at Urban Jungle in Houston Paid off.

Regardless, I have a lot of something, to do today.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-17T12:35:00.000-08:00

Updates, slept good, feeling a little less under the cold weather, updated my site applied at a 2nd apartment today, did some job hunting, also did some stuff for school and work.

I don’t have much else to say, I saw a friend whom I like and dislike his arrogance, and selfishness also applying at the apartment, I talked to my contact at the collage yesterday. I have therapy today, and might finally go see milk on Friday or this weekend at either the castor theatre or the Sundance cinema.

I spoke to an old friend recently in aa, and caught up a bit on the times. Next month will be eighteen months sober, and twenty-eight years old, young, and bright-eyed, and full of hope and optimism. I might go out to Christmas diner alone, or drop by the Alano club, and bring munchies, I read a dear abbey column this morning about well being selfish and selfish spouses that made me think about things.

I sent an email to someone who cared that is in my past per my sponsors guidance
Here is it for reference
Hello XXXXXXXXX,

Thank you for everything you did for me.
I hope some day I can make amends to you
I am trying hard to live better

Goodbye and happy holidays

Leigh
Information for board and griveance
Why is this spam/nonspam?

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens

show details 12:24 PM (2 minutes ago) Reply

This is the information for the board of the pacfic center, despite my
disagreement, I want to make things right on good terms, by tieing my
hands like this after i do such, it is unliky ill attened your groups
often, its wrong, its also wrong to have crossdressers and closet
cases who dress male leading a transexual support group in my opnion,

we who live 24/7 and under go HRT, and are in gen Y and X have much
diffrent issues

However I may pop up as I am able but I plan on starting my own
informal group outside the city (east bay)
for Transexuals only and Gen X and Gen Y age range

I still think this is wrong, and a severe breach of my confidentialy and privacy those events are supposed to be open to all tg folks, and your wrong to force this relase of confidential information, and as a result i feel potrayed and will not be attending the groups very offen, i ment it when I said you could go to hell.

Luanna Rogers LMFT
3850 17th st
san francisco, ca 94114
415-934-7727

Anita see to it that this information gets properly passed along thanks
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-16T09:49:00.001-08:00

It makes me angry that People have so much prejudice, and over-judgmental, what the fuck are wrong with us as human individuals, some of the greatest minds in documented history, both good and evil, have been called nuts, have had issues or insanity, drinking,. Yet became pioneers both rich, and poor, both bold and beautiful.
Moreover, I feel California and the bay area is like that, they need a little less talk and lot more action, lazy San Francisco Librials don’t always practice what they preach, and unbelievably California does have its right wing nut jobs.

The shoe throwing insult at President bush, was disgusting and distasteful and shows how much of a laughing stock, and the downgrade of Americas society, now I’m not christen anymore, I believe in a god of my own under staining. Nevertheless, biblical prophecy has written about this, and I personally believe it’s a dark time for the once great United States of America.

I wonder if President Elect Obama will be the great leader, which I think he has a tough job ahead. On the other hand, will he be the Obama nation that some predict leading into the Biblical so called New World Order, and 1984 Police State?

He has a tough job ahead of him
I slept well last night, awoke at 3:30 am got ready did my back exercise, took a hot shower was in Berkeley at 6am ish via BART thank god for BART exrider Program during these wet times. Had breakfast with a friend, and then went for coffee at tullys, than Rode BART to the Oakland hills for my doctors appointment around 10am.

I have to ride the caltrain later this week for some brief business in Athron, CA. I also have therpey later this week, I have a busy life and push my life forward hard, I networked with a friend on a fourm I belong to about things.

Spoke to dlg, and also left as message for ML, and MLS, sent a few thank you cards, and x-mass presents out as well. The Hollidays suck, but its good to know Im not alone.

I also have a call to make to the board at the Pacific Center in Berkeley regarding a matter or two. I hope my photos received well to my father
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-16T07:25:00.000-08:00

Sent an email to christen under the guidance of my new sponsor, which is working out great. I have a drs appointment today in Oakland, and might meet with a friend in Berkeley, and I have laundry to do, Bought a new blouse online it came in, I also am enjoying the shoes I got a steal on ebay, that are dressy, comfortable and too good to be true price, and they are mary janes.

I made more closure, in Texas with my sponsor at orphan Andy’s yesterday, I also wrote some code for my website.

What disgusts me in the lack of unity in the Transsexual community here and the Transgender community as a whole, It disgusts me the bickering amongst ourselves, I also told my sponsor with my current housing suction is working well, and I flat out refuse to live in a sro or even worse in the tenderloin. That neighborhood can littler go fuck itself.

My partner in crime potentially is very ill right now, and hurting with their disability. I added some new data to my private intranet as well.

Most TG folk in the city are either one of the following
1.) Addicted to drugs or drinking issues
2.) Have serious mental health issues and need hospitallztion
3.) Actively working in illcit street work, or drug dealing or sex trade
4.) Have a pimp for protection
5.) Live in utter poverty and under employment
6.) Have a good quality of life, and are stealth, and have no unity for their sisters and brothers who are struggleing
7.) Are to afraid to see theres live beyong the tenderloin and the city and county of san francisco

It’s sad that the San Francisco GLBT Center is in such disrepair, and shambles it reminds me off some off those redneck meetings houses, some of those old 24 hour clubs (pasadenia,texas), or when I used to clean vomit up at detox centers in Texas.

It’s a shame that Americas most European city and liberal place for gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender individuals is so biased, and bicker amongst our own radical polictal views, maybe one day that will change, I’m no leader, but I speak things others are too chicken shit to speak out, but I do work hard, and am loyal.

Its raining, im mildly sick, and im out today when I could be at my base of operations working on my resume, and finances, and collage and irs issues.--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-15T10:18:00.001-08:00

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Individual that hurt me in the morning meetings, Mike came in this morning, I can see how my defects and violent drinking past came into progress and hurt me. I am afraid of him, the way some individuals are of me, the best action is to stay away, and back down .more so with my seventeen months of sobriety I am attempting to practice these principles in all of my affairs.

Furthermore, Mike came in today and harassed me at home base of operations; I plan to go to SFPD and file a report, and next time have the police id him and obtain a restraining order against him. I also, had a good meeting this morning.

Slept ok,feeling a little less icky, talked to someone about my eating disorder. I spoke to more of my supporters back in Houston at various affiliations I had off and on over the years. I documented more of my website and how far I have come as a person.

I also also while composing this have another potential psych ward escapee harass me, it makes me wonder was I ever this bad in my dealings with my fellows. Moreover, sadly the answer is yes. The solution I have no answer, just know one day at a time I learn.

I have a bit to do today, and some monetary goals I am attempting to achieve, as well as other matters. I have a few employment prospects though now I have stopped looking to do some serious soul searching for anger, resentment, and myself.

Furthermore, I am going to work on more for myself, and just need some r&r before my appointment with June tomorrow in the east bay.

I have therapy wends day and am going to discuss some underlying issues and other matters, I’m just grateful today for life and to be in san Francisco.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-15T10:03:00.001-08:00

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Individual that hurt me in the morning meetings, Mike came in this morning, I can see how my defects and violent drinking past came into progress and hurt me. I am afraid of him, the way some individuals are of me, the best action is to stay away, and back down .more so with my seventeen months of sobriety I am attempting to practice these principles in all of my affairs.

Furthermore, Mike came in today and harassed me at home base of operations; I plan to go to SFPD and file a report, and next time have the police id him and obtain a restraining order against him. I also, had a good meeting this morning.

Slept ok,feeling a little less icky, talked to someone about my eating disorder. I spoke to more of my supporters back in Houston at various affiliations I had off and on over the years. I documented more of my website and how far I have come as a person.

I also also while composing this have another potential psych ward escapee harass me, it makes me wonder was I ever this bad in my dealings with my fellows. Moreover, sadly the answer is yes. The solution I have no answer, just know one day at a time I learn.

I have a bit to do today, and some monetary goals I am attempting to achieve, as well as other matters. I have a few employment prospects though now I have stopped looking to do some serious soul searching for anger, resentment, and myself.

Furthermore, I am going to work on more for myself, and just need some r&r before my appointment with june tomorrow in the east bay.

I have therpey wendsday and am going to discuss some underlieing issues and other matters, Im just greatfu today for life and to be in san francisco.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-14T17:07:00.001-08:00

I spoke to a friend in texas, Its clear Im unwelcome, I also after I finsh my affairs I plan on leaving san francisco for brighter horizions elsewhere, which I care not th share, my website is still up. I also plan on avoiding a individual whom is on her happy little merry way here right now, I plan to lay low and get out of town maybe even leave the state for a bit.

I have a friend I plan to stay with in anther west coast city for a bit. But at the least im going to change some habbits, and hangouts I don’t want to see her. Unless she trys hard to find me, its clear we have bad blood at the moment for the most part ive backed off and also made some amends and removed some offending conent post more later, I have a train to catch soon.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-14T09:11:00.000-08:00

Sunday, December 14, 2008
My blog gets aprox 10,000 and 30,000 Hits a month, I’m a pretty popular blogger and Net Personality, just to think back in 2005, 2006 I was unhappy in the bottle, between Chances, Numbers, Dan electros, Rudyard’s, Montrose Mining co, JRs, South Beach struggling to find myself in Houston as well as occasionally the popularity, and the BRB.
And the historical reasons I launched MY website was a disagreement I had with an individual and a to have a safe a place to express myself and explore myself, and also document my life reality tv style via a blog , I had a disagreement similar but not as extreme and being sober I think it’s wrong what they want to come back.
Now I should Note, I did not repeat transgressions or hurt anyone in Houston. Or cross boundaries, and they are being assholes, yet I respect their wishes and I am welcome back, but I will not allow them to talk to my therapist,
the reason why we have confidentially laws, are clear for respect and privacy, it’s wrong to ask me to stay away for six months, which I go to this group in another county far away from San Francisco on the Train.
Furthermore, the wrong part is after six Months if I don’t breach my confidentiality and give into their demands, They are to call the police and have me arrested and will obtain a trespass affidavit,
My answer is to attempt to come to a mutual compromise, but they are being assholes, which some members on this so-called board are not transsexuals, they are cross dressers, drag queens, and queers but they do have some amazing ts folk who side with me, but not the majority.
I have always been an outlaw, outcast and a topic of debate in the GLBTQ and Transgender community as a whole, with some of my political viewpoints, commentary,
In addition, some of my onions that groups should be tailor toward active transsexuals rather than transgender individuals, which we have many individuals in the San Francisco bay area, that are not infact, transgender, and need other issues worked out.
The other day, I ran into a friend from the Harris County Jail who was with a former business partner of mine from Houston, who wanted to set me up with running firearms, and getting back into the loan sharking, extortion, etc. I declined, I reformed my life. Im proud of myself. I got out of that lifestyle.
Had a fight with a friend last night, and was very angry. I thought I’d also bitch about some other issues which is outrageous and unacceptable, the San Francisco TG community has a 50% unemployment rate, I recently had an interview doing something I did not want t to do in a mixed crowed place 50/50 gay and straight and employees as well as working as hired muscle for special events but the reason they don’t want to hire me is because I might offend or confuse some of their heterosexual clientele.
sometimes I’m decimated against if I allow my sexual orientation to be known, sometimes I’m discriminated against due to past offences in Texas, I was decimated against above of who god made me as a person, that hurts.
Sometimes just seeking medical care is a chore, and I am subject to description it takes folks to get fed up much as Icons Rosa parks, and Martin Luther King Jr did to stand up, not be afraid of the law, and to take action for your rights and to stand up for yourself.
Ill share about some of the discrimation, I was turned away from a battered women’s place in ale media county once because, I was TG, I needed a safe place to stay for three days, and to get some help in reporting police brutality by the San Francisco Police Department Northern District and violation of my civil rights in Late Jan 2008 and Early Feb. 2008.
The point is we don’t have unity, or leaders who are willing to risk all as I am, I am amazing brave, and a leader, and self starter, I have my fathers liberal roots and desire to run away from new York city to the bay area, my mother’s Cajun New Orleans liberal aptitude, and a Texas style redneck shoot em up to where Law Enforcement doesn’t intimated me. We need more folks like Ray Hill, Phyllis Frye, Christen Williams, Theresa Sparks, Julia Oliver, Clair Fairly, Terri Waller, Valerie Shields, and others not mentioned.
Some of the individuals I listed were largely instrumental to me coming out, and people even if estranged from I highly respect. I feel a lot of my anger is not handling rejection well, I hope one day, I can return to Texas (ideally Houston, Dallas or Austin) move to LA or Alternatively, Portland or Seattle.
I am glad I still have some supporters, informants of goings on and others In Houston. I keep tabs on individuals and the happenings in the community even have made political contributions and donations given activism, even if controversial activism and I admit I’m not always right or do the right thing by my friends, and supporters. Nevertheless, I’m loyal, and in the TG Family, and I work and try too hard.
I slept well, I am still a bit sick, have to recharge, I should be performing domesticated laundry tasks today, but I am a lazy cunt. Moreover, don’t have the Entergy today. I need some r&r. But being the tough as nails former diesel dyke, which I flushed down the tubes, I am going to do some programming and send off a few documents today.
I used to believe in Liberty, Justice, and equality for all. Despite being an asshole, pig headed right wing nut job. I used too believe in tradition, now IM a different reformed person.

Anyway its wet rainy day in san francisco and I know Ill be ok. Im just another screwed up individual living in a world unaccepting. But IM sick of it, and want to find a partner in crime who fills my defects in my personality.
But don’t we all?

--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-13T14:36:00.000-08:00

Saturday, December 13, 2008
Slept well last night and but I’M a bit sick, met with EW my wonderful sponsor, I also dreamed a bit off horses, Texas, and ranching, I’m a bit sick for rural east Texas and my gas guzzler 4x4 pickup truck. I spoke to DLG a bit today.

ATTEMPTED TO fill my cold meds, was declined by my insurance company, times are a changing with the weather, I still have my old allergy meds to tie me though. I also spoke to MS today in Houston, Texas, and ran into an old friend from Lambda center when I attended a 2nd meeting today with my wonderful sponsor.

I’m feeling a bit under the weather, where I live all the other women are sick and as am I, blah a place full of sick women, I also added code to my site, is continuing to grow in popularity even my blog.

Talked to my sponsor about my defects and anger, I also had a good appointment with my therapist this week, and next week things are switched around a bit. I have my doctor’s appointment in the east bay later this week, and a long Bart and ac transit ride as well on the agenda, I also might do some cycling and walking this week, weather permitting given I have a minor cold.

Furthermore, I am just glad to be alive, and learning to be grateful for what I have and to let go of the past, and to be fearless and through.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-12T13:18:00.001-08:00

Furthermore, I recently edited some content from my website from way back in 2007. I manged though activism, and outrage to shut a site down, and did the right thing, in practicing these princibles in all of my affairs.

Moreover, I did the right thing and took some of the offending content down.

In addition, the Ranger Station, which Ford motor company was suing, got the issues ironed out, I also found out that the issue, which was using ford trademarks on t-shirts, and decals, the relatshonship was worked out.

Furthermore, I had a wonderful doctor’s appointment this morning, and had something a of a spiral experience, form a life experience. I lost my new proud at&t tilt cell phone, It found its way back to me and I did not panic or just go insane in my bitching rant.

Furthermore, today is an awesome day, but moreover quite well. Finances are getting a little better and more into the spirit of the overpriced bay area.

All in all it’s a great day to be alive.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-12T12:28:00.001-08:00

Fireing up my personal jesus

2008-12-11T10:27:00.000-08:00

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Slept well last night, awoke early this morning, I continue to grow, lately I’ve been sick, and my body is achieving my years of abusive behavior, working as a loan shark, diesel dyke, and my shady shoddy past is a thing of the past.

I talked to someone I miss being so aggressive and dominating, I miss bar rooms, bar fights, and being an outlaw. Nevertheless, I don’t want that anymore, I deicide to move, on and end my past, and grow as a person, and as soon as I get my life together, I will do such things. I grow as a person.

I worry about being alone, and a bitch, I left Houston quickly and abruptly to better myself and work a good program, which I have to good degrees off and on, working step 12 rather than Texas two stepping, and practicing the principles I learn in all of my affairs is hard.

I just need to be in the moment, and grow as a person, and just be in the moment, I often forget how lucky and grateful to be in the Mecca of San Francisco and to experience a second chance at life sober.
I sent the documents to the auto finance company, and the insurance company to take care of miss hap when I bought my California auto insurance policy. Furthermore, I grow as a person.

I spoke to DLG who gave me the updates on the snow, in New Orleans, I feel like my adult life is just begging at age twenty seven, next month Ill be celebrating my twenty eightieth birthday, and eight-teen months sober. (7-13-2007 sobriety date) and (1-18-1981 birthday)

I made amends in some matters and talk about my pain and trauma, I might talk to ray hill for some inspiration on a non-profit in the east bay that discriminates against Transsexuals in total disregard to California non-discrimination law, and the city of Oakland law and that hurts because I was born in Oakland in Alameda county not far from where this takes place, I want to give something back but I’m not in the position to get arrested.
Activism
I’ll break the story, I also might mention it to a few friends and confidants in the GLBTQ community to get some insights if to be angry tired and pissed off. I want to bring change; I have also been playing phone tag with the local Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) which is a prior religious affiliation and partially with the abuse at work, home and my loss of faith, values and belief system, which is wrong how they discriminate against gay, lesbians and transsexuals.

Furthermore, an article in the San Francisco Bay Times, and the San Francisco Bay Area reporter writes about president elect Obama’s Transgender EDNA, hate crimes protections, if that day comes soon, or later in his prediction, I plan to go to the Local FBI Field office, and talk about what happened to me given I had no protections at the time,

Just even to be able to sue (civilly) victor, john, henrys, enquire, Carl, James, elm dean would me a lot to me, I don’t even want money, I want it to help other Trans-women in similar suctions and to pump a lot of money back into Texas, but I need to get my life stable which I’m working on doing as we speak.

I think the right wing nut jobs, rather than an tax break for the big three automakers, which I am a proud domestic car buyer, to give tax breaks to individuals would be good for the economy rather than to print more money, or to give tax breaks,

I think the government should take over the big three and sell to bmw, and other makers which we shut out of the American market with overregulation, and taxation of the 1970s, and 1980s and the 70s oil crisis and get some awesome euro inspired trucks and cars for the common man and woman with a touch of American horsepower pickup trucks here.

Obama is going to help the economy, change things a bit, and help others. I see him along the lines of great presidents such as Lincoln, Washington, Regan, Clinton, Kennedy, etc.

Here is my gratitude List for today
1.) Grateful to be alive
2.) Grateful to be sober
3.) Grateful to be young, bold and beautiful
4.) Grateful for my health, and prime fitness condition
5.) Grateful to have a program
6.) Grateful to have friends, family, and people who care about me
7.) Grateful to be able to talk about my feelings in a positive manner
8.) Grateful to

The list
1.) Copy name change and send to finance company
2.) Send documents to dan
3.) Go to therpery
4.) Eat well and drink lots of water
5.)

That’s all I have for today, I’m a bit sick, and my hormones have me a bit dried out and need to take care of myself, I cried a lot this morning in the bathroom. I need to get my health up and go to bed very early this morning.

I have my doctor’s appointment next week in the east bay, plus a date this weekend in the east bay.

--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

pride, progress not profection

2008-12-10T10:01:00.001-08:00

Slept a bit late last night, woke up spoke out a bit this morning, and reached out more for help, I also added some content to my website(s). Furthermore, I have been working on my IRS issues so I can go back to college. I saw my father recently he did not see me.

I sent some photos back to Louisiana, the folks do not have a house cleaner to help mom, I wonder with pat gone, how the house on North Friendship in Harvey will look in a few years. I am in San Francisco and Dan is all alone as am I.

I think I’m going to get used to being alone, I have some finical goals I want to achieve, working step 12 at the present moment with my program, practicing the principles I learned in all of my affairs, not 2 stepping, imp 12 stepping.

Moreover, I did not have any nightmares, had some digesting problems recently, been eating healthy and feeling better about my life.

Applied at the apartment yesterday, I also contacted someone about a place in the mission close to 16th street, maybe I’ll see my father in the am, more, given I have someone I’ve started seeing in the east bay. In addition, we spend time together in San Francisco, Oakland, and Berkeley.
Stayed awake and watched dumb cheesy game shows by Marv griffin yesterday after having a rough night’s sleep and very bad nightmares, PTSD, and PMS is a bitch.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be alive
2.) Grateful to have food clothing and shelter
3.) Grateful to have folks who care about me and a life
4.) Grateful to be in excellent health and prime fitness condition.
5.) Grateful to have money in my bank account and income
6.)

The List
1.)Copy Insurance documents for auto finance company and mail
2.) Pick up photos in Oakland
3.)Print documents at Kinko’s for employers for IRS Tax issue
4.) Send of resume
5.) Work on website, and write code

Furthermore, I have been thinking of the person I was, where I came from and how I got where I am now in both the spiritual matter, and geographical matter. I miss BMCD often, but we spoke, I spoke to a few individuals from my support group, which I might not go back to, just keep in touch.
IM glad to have friends who care about me in Oakland, Berkeley, Freemont, Dublin, Piedmont, daily city, alameda, and other areas in the bay area
. I am a lot like my mother, I even look a lot like her, and also not surprisingly we have some of the same defects of charter. I was working a shitty program for a while.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Progress not prefection

2008-12-09T09:23:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Today awoke at 1am, this morning. Showered and cleaned up and looked nice today. I spoke to TW, VS, and WF this week. I have a little followed up to do. Had three guys before 8am try to hit on me between 3am and 8 am, I had a taxi driver lust after me, I often have them in the early morning.

I had a few other people checking me out. I also am doing laundry this morning, I have a cute pair of Mary janes I got on sale, and a leather coat I purchased down in the Mission District. Next week I am barting to Oakland for my Drs Appointment, I also am going to Oakland and Berkeley this weekend for a blind date.

Moreover, I have been thinking of my plan in life, looked at an apartment this week, and talked to DLG about it. Also spoke to my counselor, which made some suggestions for me. I do and am very lucky to have what I have for myself even if just faith of the better life, American and California dream.

Furthermore, by letting go absolutely, and moving on from the lone star state. Even if just in the moment today is humbling in itself. Honestly sometimes I don’t know at this point if my life would be any better if I returned to Houston tomorrow, I think I made the right choice, even if at times spiritually, and emotionally its difficult.

I can be very stubborn, and presently being tough as nails, sober, and emotional stable, and keeping health and fitness and taking good care of myself, and having faith keeps me going. I found out the male pig in the AA meeting, others found out about his asshole ways, and threw his selfish trans-phobic, womanizer ass out.

This morning downtown, I saw a bunch of tweakers, crack heads, crackpots, and other bull shit I put up with in San Francisco on a daily basis, I also thought I would share some of how I voted locally on November 4th election

I was in Favor of the Community Justice Center the bullshit with aggressive panhandlers, drugs and other far left labial garbage of taxpayer subsided so-called waste of “harm reduction” is a waste of money. Maybe I’m just too much of a civil libertarian, and old fashed redneck woman to see the light in helping people, that don’t want help. Moreover, making it difficult for sober, sane folks trying to survive.

I also was in favor ironically even if ray hill and I disagree of more jails and allowing crime victims the right to have more input for parole, and sentencing.

I think it is great at least the drug treatment proposition passed, though personally I believe an active addict belongs on city our county jail.

Maybe I just want to bitch a bit today. I have achived a bit and am on a difficult journey.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

Progress report

2008-12-08T11:52:00.000-08:00

Monday, December 08, 2008
The reality of my sobriety, this morning was walking through the Castro before a meeting walked in on a smash and grab, san Francisco’s finest responded fast, and the tweaker was arrested and I was questioned, and found not involved with it.

Furthermore, the person I want to become. Is clearer, I desire to be less of an attention whore-ish, self centered-selfish bitch. And more charitable, kind and pleasant to be in the company thereof. The Houston Police Officer whom was gunned down was a nice officer, who let me go on a minor traffic ticket once.

Spoke to ray hill who saw milk again. I also have been talking with sponsor whom grew up in Houston, Texas. And knows some folks that I am still on speaking terms with. I got tired of being alone, and was able to achive more here than I was in Houston, yet still feel home sick for the lone star state.

Moreover, I think my resentment toward christen, guilt and shame is best dealt with by staying away, The reality as it stands is I am unwelcome and need to back down, I don’t always have to be right and need to learn to practice these principles in all my affairs.

I installed some new php, sql and other code to the server, I also backed up files today. I also have to send some documents to the insurance company, applied for a new apartment today. I also attempted to call in to my sponsor. I went to orphan Andy’s this morning for coffee.

Furthermore I updated and am working on leemcg.com and leighmcinnisgaetjens.com as well. I also backed up photos to my backup server. Currently my mood suits Led zeppelin. Ran into a old friend shelly today. Whom we are a bit friendly she was headed to Oakland on Bart to get some um, work done.
Spoke a bit to my former religious past whom I moved onward from mainly I’m what missionaries call just friendly, I moved on from Organized religion and the so called fear establishment of oh my god!
Recently linked up with an old friend via yahoo messenger is married and doing well, never thought this person would grow the fuck up.

Gratitude List
1.) That I have oppertunitys here
2.) That I have friends, family and people who care in San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, Portland, Seattle, New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Dallas, Austin, and Houston.
3.) That I keep in touch with my own personal jesus
4.) That I have a plan and commitment to my plan
5.) That I am getting things achived.

The List
1.) Mail documents to finance company
2.) Turn in early to finish work tomorrow
3.) Mail copy’s of documents to DLG
4.) Get extra keys for PS and USPS for DLG and MLS
5.) Give log on info to MLS and DLG
6.) Give contact info for MLS and DLG
7.) Make some amends with pac
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

photos of my bike on livejournal

2008-12-05T07:58:00.001-08:00

Friday, December 05, 2008

The reality is, I have a place I am going to apply for on my busy week next week. I have a lot to do, Have an appointment at Lyon martin, I also have a lot I’m working on. Its rough no one ever said my journey would be easy. I miss my grandmother this year, Its my first Christmas without her. I really miss her.

I sent some photos home to DLG, MLS, and MCG. It feels good to still have some family left. I had to make difficult choices, and I did this to myself and made bad choices in Houston, Texas. I spoke to someone and had some resources with my hardships.

I thought I’d share more about spirituality, I did contact the LDS Bishop with the YSA ward, I mentioned somewhat of my background, But I have no intention of going back, mainly I wanted to be what Missionaries call Just friendly.

I think it’s wrong the assumptions of child rape, and polygamy, and also the vandalism of lds churches, even if the catholic church was very much as involved, but the lds church as well in blocking prop 8. I wanted to offer symphony to vandals whom are destroying church property around the bay area and the world.
also have made some contact with the local lds leadership and let them know how I feel, but also feel the vandals destroying the church property here in the bay area is wrong, two wrongs don’t make a right

Furthermore My therapist referred me to another nonprofit which can help me renter legitimate employment rather than hanging around bookies, loan sharks, money laundering or other illicit activities.

The list
1.) Post office
2.) Copy documents
3.) Work on website
4.) Lyon Martin
5.) Update resume and send off cover letter

Grattuide list

1.) Grateful to have a wonderful therapist
2.) Grateful to have this opportunity I’m working on
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-05T07:50:00.001-08:00

2008-12-04T10:35:00.000-08:00

Thursday, December 04, 2008
Furthermore, I had a productive day yesterday and spoke to my sponsor this morning. I also have a plan of action. I also continue to grow had an interesting expanse this week in the world of young transsexual woman.
Experience #1
Was in the main branch of the san Francisco public Liberia had a bunch of asshole construction workers make a slur at me ignored them.
Esperance’s #2
Had a guy call me “pretty young thing” and some old lady snapped and ousted me
Experience number #3
Had some punk drug dealer say that woman hit her face on the pole

I am enjoying my pink curser.

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to have food, clothing and shelter
2.) Grateful to be sober
3.) Grateful to have friends, family and loved ones whom care about me
4.) Grateful to be alive.
5.) Grateful to have a program and the 12 steps

The List
1.) Copy documents
2.) Send documents to dlg

Furthermore, I talked to my sponsor about my Transgressions toward christen, and am making amends by moving on with my life, and leeting go of the past, and working my steps and program in all of my affairs.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-12-03T11:57:00.001-08:00

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

The trip to the San Francisco Housing authority was a bombshell, and reality struck me in. I think im going to aim for a co-op of some type after I get my finance, and legal issues ironed out. Furthermore, I continue to grow as a person and my journey.

I Purchased a bicycle via craigslist. It works well, and I enjoy it and feel like a kid, I posted a photo on my blog. A pink 26 women’s cruiser with a 7 speed shifter, I do need to add a front brake, and buy a helmet I brought a medium duty u lock and am going to upgrade to something stronger given its flashy.

I am going to drop in with Clair today. I also am going to follow up a few places for employment, and Leeds I discovered. I had a good bike ride to bay view, and through the finance distract this morning all the way up to castro. .Breaking for lunch and to drop by before headed back to homebase, and to drop off my bike at the storage garage.

Then dinner, tv, and some r&r. I think. I have some goals I wish to achive, and I am working on them. I also have a few other things, I am working on. Equality, better housing, and the califrornia dream.
I added some content to my site and updated a few other things I also added a few photos for irony
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-11-30T08:52:00.001-08:00

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Slept well last night, awoke early this morning, I continue to grow as an individual. I miss my family, I miss my grandmother often, I daily want to call her, and cannot, I wish she was still here. But people grow old and die, and she died just how she wanted in her sleep, or just starting to wake up sort of.

I continue to work on things and making amends, spoke to BMCD last night, I also have been growing in recovery from the most fucked up form of christen religions, Mormonism. I guess Ill make it here in San Francisco, I worked hard to build roots here.

I continue to grow as a young woman. I talked a bit somewhat, and opened up alas a bit more. I have a plan of action for my future, which I discussed with BMCD last night she’s OTR in Wisconsin, I owe a lot of my continuous soberly in san Francisco to her

She purchased her own truck an 1999 volvo, pretty basic but comfortable. And is enjoying life as an owner operator. She is a good friend to have and I owe many of my positive choices to having her as a friend in the city of San Francisco.

Furthermore, I look for someone to fill the better half of whets missing in my life, family, and love. I met someone recently whom I strongly suspect is an semi-active potential future member of aa. She is thirty three years old also a transsexual-woman post op with five surgeries. She is someone whom we have an attraction and lives out in the Richmond district of San Francisco.

Im glad I filed and sent the medical health directive, more recently to family members. Incase Im injured giving power of atty and to maintain my appearance and refer to me properly so Im not cut up like many trans women are.

Furthermore the prop 8 bullshit and the LDS Involvement in the matters which don’t concern them. Have a present employment, educational, and other adgendas on my planner, I have a lot to achive it just takes time to get there

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be alive
2.) Grateful to be sober
3.) Grateful to be in San Francisco
4.) Grateful to have friends, family and loved ones who care about me
5.) Grateful to have food, clothing and shelter

To Do List
1.) Follow up with interview
2.) Call sponsor
3.) Meeting
4.) Update will and send to individuals
5.) Send documents to finance companies for name change.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-11-29T10:26:00.001-08:00

Slept good last night, awoke early as usual. Took care of business, have some banking and matters to take care of this morning, went to our lady of safeway meeting, saw a shit load of cops this morning doing a robbery case.

The sf weekly did an ok story but a bit broad sided toward the scantuary city policys, I do think it helped even if show some areas where the Transgender community needs to overcome its sterotypes. I also think we grow.

I have a lot on my adgenda this week, Check in at hud, check with the bank, cosmetic work to be done, doctors appointment at lyon martin womens clnic. I also spoke to MB he didn’t know I was trans, asked me, I think he even has more respect for me now, I am a pretty brave person and individual and obviously pass well.

Furthermore, I grow.

Grattuide List
1.) Food, clothing and shelter
2.) Money in the bank
3.) Family, loved ones and friends.
4.) To have my health, youth and beauty

Im sending some photos home to the folks who have not seen me in a very long time. I also have some other things Im also photocopying a health care directive as well to send to MLS, MCG, DLG and MM

The list
1.) Banking
2.) Send photos home
3.) Look at new shoes
4.) Preparation work
5.) Send off resume
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-11-28T12:03:00.000-08:00

I thought I might add my new phone should be arriveing shortly and than Ill be moving it over to in market and closeing out a dark chapter of right wing christen, latter day saint nut job gone wild, not a very happy place, earlier in the week I destroyed my old texas, and Louisiana social security cards, drivers licenses and moved on beyond past transgressions, no pun intended. Closure is good, I mentioned to my sponsor my transgressions and how I was able to move on which pleased my sponsor.

Furthermore I discovered moue about myself I emailed my resume to borders, and also will try to follow up today at blockbuster. Furthermore, I will discover more about life. Talked to my sponsor some about my living situation.

I also composed a few other documents for some things, I had some photos printed of me off my photo bucket for the reason of sending home tend to relatives with the documents incase I’m injured soon as well, so family, loved ones and others can have photos of me. I also plan to retake my dam photo yet again soon 

Moreover, I am going to mail some of these documents, and the photos to DLG, MLS, and MCG, and a few other individuals. In January Ill have 18 month’s sober, as my sobriety date remains 7-13-2007 Houston, Texas.

I also have someone whom is TG and Lesbian oritend and we might start dating she’s a post op I believe, we might be a success story, I think the attraction and some common interests are there, we plan to meet for coffee, we also are in the same age range 25-35 crowd, shes a bit older than me, Im twenty seven she is thirty three.

Onward, getting my geek on. I Purchased an at&t tilt or HTC Tytn II as its known and has gps navigation hsdpa, 3g, wifi, and is an awesome windows mobie smartphone, and has the blackberry email service. And is highly hackable and has a keyboard, touchscreen, and other nifty features.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-11-28T09:45:00.001-08:00

Friday, November 28, 2008

Had a wonderful meeting at our-lady of safeway this morning. Had a wonderfull speaker. I changed some code on my website and have some thoughts and thinking about where to go now?

I also have been working on a few other things, I destroyed my outdated Louisiana and Texas ID and documents as I no longer have any need for such things, I moved on and my sponsor is proud of the closure I found.

I awoke about 2am this morning, and cleaned up and groomed and things like that. I also updated some files on the server. The best way I can bring closue to my right wing christen past, is to let go of transgressions in Texas, Houston, New Orleans and move onward.

Things come quickly, sometimes slowly.

Gratuide List
1.) Grateful about my job prospect
2.) Grateful about my friends, and support
3.) Grateful about being alive
4.) Grateful to be able
5.) Grateful to be sober

The list
1.) Mail / post office
2.) Mail photos home
3.) Call friend
4.) Meeting
5.) Send resume out to employers
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-11-27T14:34:00.001-08:00

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Slept well last night, awoke early this morning. Not as early as a planned, I continue to grow as an individual does. I continue to grow this Thanksgiving Day, what am I thank full for.
1.) Escaping Mormonism
2.) Escaping religion
3.) Hormones / transition
4.) My income
5.) My family
6.) My sponsor
7.) Escaping and moving on from Texas.
8.) Life
9.) Being alive
10.) Health

Im just doing ok
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-11-26T11:19:00.001-08:00

Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Slept ok last night, the SF weekly has a great article, which I summarized in this email to my father, and MLS. Border Crossers Long rap sheet? No problem. Transgender Latina hookers in S.F. are successfully fighting deportation by asking for asylum.
http://www.sfweekly.com/2008-11-26/news/border-crossers/

i Thought you might find this article amusing, given I lived in Texas
and visited southern border towns and even at one point in Houston
moonlighted as a coyote, and bounder and loan shark enforcer. In addition, did
encounter some transgender individual’s trying to get to
California. For asylum. I know how dangerous san Francisco and even
made a few trips here and to la to deliver money orders (easier to
transport in a briefcase for flying) when I drink I hang around shady
charters, and given my battiness that really comes out.

I don’t drink and thank god I never got caught, and retired from
illegal activity's, one time in Texas I was detained, and jailed to
check us because I had 9,500 (just under IRS and Federal
justistriction) dollars on me. the serial numbers were not marked and
had a good reliable lie and was real eased and my truck ordered re
lased from storage where it was searched.

Furthermore, I have been working a good program, The best way I can let go of the past is not to worry about it and grow. And quit bitching about san franciscos flaws. Furthermore, I need to grow as a person, had a good 7am meeting at the San Francisco Alano club.

This morning on the bus, a disgusting dirty nasty bum of a guyguy fondled me and got promptly told off on me and attempted to pickpocket me, and also tried to again to get in my purse, what a disgust the city has become, talked to Ming this morning for a bit. She really thinks highly of me as a TS woman, we also have someone we are tolerant toward, but both do not like.

Spoke to MS, MLS, DLG, TB, RH, TW, VS, WF, and I am very worried about RAP, phones disconnected, mom was sick, but not much I can do for RAP. I also spoke to DT and discussed and she confirmed about such a bad idea to go back to Louisiana to move in with CE, I have sealed my fate and roots in San Francisco. I have thought at some point after I get my shit straight I might move to LA or NYC (Big cities do it for me) but I am equality happy in small towns which san Francisco is urban like NYC, but a small townies feel. However, not charm.

Sent off my resume to macys have a contact which might get my foot in the door networking trying again. Maybe I have a lack of effort or ethics, or just am a bit down with my search. The economy stinks to high hell right now.

I miss rocking to Led Zeppelin, Patsy Cline, or Johnny cash tailgating on a Saturday night in a field, utility corridor, or pasture in Texas. I’d love to retire, or if I ever have a partner return someplace to Texas, I’ve wanted a ranch, but that’s many years down the road maybe I’d make a rural boot camp for Trainwomen for substance abuse.

I am glad we saved the San Francisco ROTC I believe discipline builds charters, and stupid labial see it as recruitment for armed services to kids. Some folks become police officers, fire fighters not all join to go to Iraq.
Why
id a PR nightmare, the thing the church hates most is unwanted negative attention, I read today the supreme court. ch is not to say I’m liberal, I’m moderate, swing, independent voter, whom likes greens, civil libertarians, and in pedant elected officials not right wing nut jobs, or democrats also known in my mouth as “demoCRAPs”

This is not to say I will not vote for a democrat. I just don’t have any party, religion or anything run my life these days, its why I like the Quakers, UU’s, and AA and 12-step programs. It also hurts me to see how much the Mormon / LDS church hurt prop 8.

Spoke to CP today and have some work to do for some projects I am working on.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-11-26T10:58:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Slept ok last night, the SF weekly has a great article, which I summarized in this email to my father, and MLS.
Border Crossers Long rap sheet? No problem. Transgender Latina hookers in S.F. are successfully fighting deportation by asking for asylum.
http://www.sfweekly.com/2008-11-26/news/border-crossers/

i Thought you might find this article amusing, given I lived in Texas
and visited southern border towns and even at one point in Houston
moonlighted as a coyote, and bounder and loan shark enforcer. In addition, did
encounter some transgender individual’s trying to get to
California. For asylum. I know how dangerous san Francisco and even
made a few trips here and to la to deliver money orders (easier to
transport in a briefcase for flying) when I drink I hang around shady
charters, and given my battiness that really comes out.

I don’t drink and thank god I never got caught, and retired from
illegal activity's, one time in Texas I was detained, and jailed to
check us because I had 9,500 (just under IRS and Federal
justistriction) dollars on me. the serial numbers were not marked and
had a good reliable lie and was real eased and my truck ordered re
lased from storage where it was searched.

Furthermore, I have been working a good program, The best way I can let go of the past is not to worry about it and grow. And quit bitching about san franciscos flaws. Furthermore, I need to grow as a person, had a good 7am meeting at the San Francisco Alano club.

This morning on the bus, a disgusting dirty nasty bum of a guyguy fondled me and got promptly told off on me and attempted to pickpocket me, and also tried to again to get in my purse, what a disgust the city has become, talked to Ming this morning for a bit. She really thinks highly of me as a TS woman, we also have someone we are tolerant toward, but both do not like.

Spoke to MS, MLS, DLG, TB, RH, TW, VS, WF, and I am very worried about RAP, phones disconnected, mom was sick, but not much I can do for RAP. I also spoke to DT and discussed and she confirmed about such a bad idea to go back to Louisiana to move in with CE, I have sealed my fate and roots in San Francisco. I have thought at some point after I get my shit straight I might move to LA or NYC (Big cities do it for me) but I am equality happy in small towns which san Francisco is urban like NYC, but a small townies feel. However, not charm.

Sent off my resume to macys have a contact which might get my foot in the door networking trying again. Maybe I have a lack of effort or ethics, or just am a bit down with my search. The economy stinks to high hell right now.

I miss rocking to Led Zeppelin, Patsy Cline, or Johnny cash tailgating on a Saturday night in a field, utility corridor, or pasture in Texas. I’d love to retire, or if I ever have a partner return someplace to Texas, I’ve wanted a ranch, but that’s many years down the road maybe I’d make a rural boot camp for Trainwomen for substance abuse.

I am glad we saved the San Francisco ROTC I believe discipline builds charters, and stupid labial see it as recruitment for armed services to kids. Some folks become police officers, fire fighters not all join to go to Iraq.
Why
id a PR nightmare, the thing the church hates most is unwanted negative attention, I read today the supreme court. ch is not to say I’m liberal, I’m moderate, swing, independent voter, whom likes greens, civil libertarians, and in pedant elected officials not right wing nut jobs, or democrats also known in my mouth as “demoCRAPs”

This is not to say I will not vote for a democrat. I just don’t have any party, religion or anything run my life these days, its why I like the Quakers, UU’s, and AA and 12-step programs. It also hurts me to see how much the Mormon / LDS church hurt prop 8.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

My Life, angist, feelingsGrattudie, my love of president elect obama

2008-11-25T11:46:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Slept alas a bit different last night, a bit shaken, had one of those horrid dreams, still waiting for the appointment for the MRI & Cat scan, had a referral but the incompetent doctors lost it. I lost the paper work also doesn’t show up in the computer, the frustration builds, Ill discuss this in the next week when I go to Lyon Martin.
Furthermore, my bitching rant about bible thumping christen(s) upset some individuals possibly, cried a lot this morning, over someone who cared I hurt, and then left. I also cried a lot because the nightmare I don’t remember.
Moreover, I attended a wonderful meeting at the San Francisco Alano Club this morning; I also did some coding for a web2.0 version of my site, and other sites. I sent off a few copies of my resume, I need make a note next week to FEDEX documents to DLG, and pick them up from POS/MS near second and Townsend.
I have a confessional, I control my nightmares and stop dreaming by how I position myself sometimes when I go to sleep, the pain I have in my heart are bad, of my actions in Houston, My shame towards the Church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints, my anger toward my parents.
My distancing self from my family. I lookfoward toward president Obama taking office, talked to a friend late last night, uh I have so much to do, took care of my finical planning for the next yet again move, and hopefully the move out of my current dump of a living situation.

Spoke to CE last night about life, love, DT also said he is a little weird and we aren’t a good match, spoke with DT as well this morning. He is selfish, and controlling and has all my defects of charter which I am working to overcome.
It sickens me the thought of living with CE, what a fucking loser, I mean I know I could be set, but some liberal fuckjob, is not worth his bullshit, plus the fact he slept with a younger extended family member disturbs me and creeps me out that he slept with some misfit and slut. It does not meet my utter high standards.
I look forward toward president elect Obama taking office, and pray for his safety amongst racism, fascism, and right wing nut jobs daily, I hope he does not become another JFK. He sure is a peoples president.
I hope we repeal prop eight, and also get the original version of EDNA the employment non discrimination act passed under the leadership of Obama, and gender identity inclusive federal civil rights.

I had some creepy dunk bums taunt me, and expose them selves to me this morning on the way to the meeting. I might go make a report at the mission substation after today if I go to night noon or go get lunch later than to the mission library to get some work done someplace Zen.

The reason I didn’t call SFPD is I think the area fell under the justistration of the northern police district which the nicer areas include some of the most powerful and far right-wing districts politically , and as a result I believe, some of the officers in that patrol sector don’t always treat me fairly, and sadly I am afraid to call for service, I made a complaint about that, and its where I had my infamous event in Jan. 2008, where I witnessed the blue wall of silence, and saw seven officers walk away from a old fart officer who had way more stripes and lucky for me, I speak redneck and pleaded not to hurt me which May have saved me from some trumped up charges and a severe beating.

The List
1.) Mailbox
2.) Talk to FK
3.) Umbrella
4.) Lunch sort of
5.) Send resume off
6.)

Gratitude List
1.) That president elect Obama will be taking office soon
2.) That those nut jobs who wanted to kill Obama and African Americans will rot in prison
3.) To be alive
4.) To have people who care about me, support and community
5.) To have a plan, goals and positive outlook on life
6.) To have high standards
7.)

--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-11-24T14:11:00.001-08:00

Monday, November 24, 2008
As I ride yonder back into San Francisco, The city that bill o; reilly says that if” " terrostists want to bomb America under Obama’s rule they should bomb san Francisco”.

Which just goes to show how much of a change we need, and how change hurts and helps America, and we continue to grow as an individual. furthermore I grow as a young woman. I bought myself a Christmas present an AT&T tilt mobile phone, after mass a new laptop might be in order.
Further showing how I grow as a young woman. But keep my geek on.

I think being out, proud makes a difference. I think the reason I blog so personality, uncensored is sort of like why Obama won, change, the desire and need for such change, and growth, I want to show the world what a better place and not all TG folks are so bad.

Being a christen, and my utterly high standards and former Latter day saint values some of which I still keep despite the fact I no longer am affiliated with the Mormon or LDS church, But my refusal; to believe in a god, faith or denomination, cult or sect. shows a lot about me as an individual, how I have grown and where I need to grow as a person and my straights, weakness, and areas for improvement.

But I think the religious christen right, has much to grow and start doing things it actually teaches in the bible, for example the radical right wing christen religups right, not just including the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints, but also the catholic church, the christen and the radical imitate christen skinhead, white power movement needs to take a hard look at their hate.

For example bill O’reillys interview showed homeless drug addictions, transsexual prostusites, it didn’t focus on good transsexual individuals, it didn’t cover the brutal murder of a sister that was hurt in the Sacramento river which we mourned this Transgender Day of Remembrance.

Anyway enough bitching about christen right wing nut jobs.

the point is the christan religous right toook away my rights with prop 8, im glad obama is in office, not mcsame
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-11-24T14:09:00.001-08:00

Monday, November 24, 2008
As I ride yonder back into San Francisco, The city that bill o; reilly says that if” " terrostists want to bomb America under Obama’s rule they should bomb san Francisco”.

Which just goes to show how much of a change we need, and how change hurts and helps America, and we continue to grow as an individual. furthermore I grow as a young woman. I bought myself a Christmas present an AT&T tilt mobile phone, after mass a new laptop might be in order.
Further showing how I grow as a young woman. But keep my geek on.

I think being out, proud makes a difference. I think the reason I blog so personality, uncensored is sort of like why Obama won, change, the desire and need for such change, and growth, I want to show the world what a better place and not all TG folks are so bad.

Being a christen, and my utterly high standards and former Latter day saint values some of which I still keep despite the fact I no longer am affiliated with the Mormon or LDS church, But my refusal; to believe in a god, faith or denomination, cult or sect. shows a lot about me as an individual, how I have grown and where I need to grow as a person and my straights, weakness, and areas for improvement.

But I think the religious christen right, has much to grow and start doing things it actually teaches in the bible, for example the radical right wing christen religups right, not just including the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints, but also the catholic church, the christen and the radical imitate christen skinhead, white power movement needs to take a hard look at their hate.

For example bill O’reillys interview showed homeless drug addictions, transsexual prostusites, it didn’t focus on good transsexual individuals, it didn’t cover the brutal murder of a sister that was hurt in the Sacramento river which we mourned this Transgender Day of Remembrance.

Anyway enough bitching about christen right wing nut jobs.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

progress and finding zen and the art of motorcycles

2008-11-24T08:09:00.000-08:00

Monday, November 24, 2008

The reality of life is as I ride Bart this morning, I grow more as a young woman. I have good, bad and ugly sets of life experiences to grow upon. I continue to make my weekly treks for my doctor’s appointment to Oakland for transition related work, and to Berkeley for the injuries I incurred while being a wild 24,25, 26 year old party club girl.

In that Process, I hurt some wonderful individuals, other trans-women and have some shame about that. I also came to believe, that the growth of my past transgressions, my father says I am a “brave individual” to be going forward with transition daily, I get missed, and mamed more and more.

I hate all the Trans chases, and the word tranny, it’s disgusting to us as women, and degrading much as nigga, or nigger is for African American individuals in the rap culture. Furthermore, stating my utterly high standards of whom I choose to associate with.

Furthermore, I grow daily as an individual perhaps, if and when and if I ever do return to Texas, It will be under more indel- cirmstances. Il have my shit together. Nevertheless, I’ve always dreamed of the city of angels, or Portland, or Seattle.

I as a woman, have goals to achieve to get out of disgusting, lazy, bum city, san Francisco. Some could argue I am a bum, but I made hard choices, I lost my truck by choice, I lost my house in Harvey, LA. I walked away from a lot and took a trip based on faith and the so called California dream

Nevertheless, I dislike being packed into the nation’s most populous state, seeing the drunks, bums, junkies, and other ultra disgusting things that are accepted in the city and county of San Francisco. I dislike having to watch out for some dumb junkie who left their needle out.

I dislike being crammed into a closet. San Francisco serves my needs at the present. The right choices are not always the easiest ones. The reality of life serves me well and my life experiences.

In addition I still have dreams of living in Montana, or Wyoming.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

life and progress not prefection

2008-11-21T08:12:00.000-08:00

Monday, November 17, 2008

Had a good meeting this morning, was very productive and progressive, continue to grow as an individual and prosper as a young woman. I also slept well, very well and had shiny happy dreams last night.
Have a busy Super Tuesday ahead and much to achieve, preformed some planning tonight and I continue to grow as a woman, and prosper as an individual. My life has meaning, I called my father today, and apologized, and will continue to respect Martin Cark Gatemen’s wishes and respect his boundaries even if it hurts me, or isn’t what I want.
I have an appointment pending with a client in the east bay in the next few weeks. I also have much to achieve in myself.

Furthermore, I preformed some planning tonight for my next goals and steps in life as I trudge the road to recovery from my self-distortive actions which being an adult I am taking accountability for even though not easy.

Had lunch with Mike Burkett today was interesting slightly. I also,
11-19-2008

Slept well last night, awoke early this morning. Cleaned up have a few projects to work on today not much happening. Some chick where I live left her purse not secure and someone ripped her off. Furthermore, I have been thinking about something.

My outburst or two, at the marina dock, the Castro country club, and with the Houston Transgender Community is wrong, I don’t always have emotional sobriety, I’m scared, I find in my hunt to reform my life, I would not ask for help from some individuals I don’t want to have contact with, or individuals which I don’t want to harm further.

I’ve decided to cut more ties in San Francisco even as painful as it is, and maybe more harmful to me, I don’t at this point desire to see christen, or others and cretin groups, originations and places Ill cut back from while she’s here.

Moreover, the best way to make amends in zero contact and to live and let die. The medication and my HRT is helping deal with some of my trauma, and PTSD. Nevertheless, I’m unhappy in this queer Mecca, I feel so alone, it would be nice to have a warm bed to sleep in of my own without the bullshit.

Gratitude List
1.) To have possible plans and backup plans for thanksgiving. (if not I always manage to amuse myself)
2.) To be sober as of 7-13-2007
3.) To be working on my anger

11-20-2008

A young lady last night had her purse stolen by selfish folks woke up at 1130, slept till 4am, than continued to grow, I was pissed about being woken up for bullshit, but , I was careless once and did the same thing sort of.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Slept very well last night I continue to grow as an individual. I use to grow as a person. I’ve been thinking of my courses I plan to take at city collage
1.) Intro to criminal justice
2.) Computer Science ------- primary goal engineering computers
3.) Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Studies
4.) Network Administration
5.) A preparation for the A+ Computer exam
6.) A Preparation for Linux / UNIX Certification
7.) A Preparation for a Cisco certification
8.) Graphic Design / digital art / drafting digital
9.) Into to Photography
10.) Preparation for Journalism

My plan is eventual become fit for corporate security, or as a network admin/ web developer. Furthermore, I grow more and more. Or work in Local Law Enforcement as a computer crimes specialist, I do not think I am fit to be a beat cop nor want to get my head blown off.

Or possibly work for non profits the main focus is IT but to diversify some of my classes to make me more valuable, and continue education as IT professionals must often do. So I can work in different industries and eventfully freelance like sp0rked

Moreover I continue to grow as a person The truth as an individual and others prejudice, and judgment, sometimes un-knowingly, hurts me. I was a bit sad last night, perhaps I should be more assertive in myself.

Furthermore, I have been thinking about my actions, the holidays are upcoming and I now have thanksgiving plans I continue to grow as a person, and individual, I grow more as a person, and continue to prosper.

Furthermore, I did this to myself, and face the consequences of my actions. I’m a tough person, hard as nails my father quotes me as “being incredibly brave for going through my life the way I am” I wasn’t always this way, Katrina, my abuse in Houston, my sobriety, lambda center, and my therapist made me who I am today.
It makes me happy my father thinks of me as a Brave, and noble individual.
Who am I today?
I am brave, strong, a patriot to my country, independent, adventurous, hard worker, kind, chartable, give service, butch, femme, open minded, moderate , independent politically, old fashioned, christen, spiritual, alive, full of sprit.

Furthermore, I grow as a person, I continue to grow as a person.

The List
1.) Laundry
2.) Meeting
3.) Work
4.) E-mail
5.) Copy documents and mail to RH
6.) FAX Documents to DLG
7.) Update will, copy and mail, and file
8.) Update medical power of atty copy, mail and file
9.) Meditate
10.) R&r

Gratitude List
1.) That I am a brave person.
2.) That I am alive
3.) That I have friends, and people who care about me
4.) That I am true to myself as an individual
5.) That I am pretty
6.) That I am sober
7.) That I am making living amends to those I harmed by backing down and staying away
8.) That I can respect my fathers boundaries
9.) That I am alive that I have friends in Houston, New Orleans, San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, Austin, and Dallas, and Baton Rouge
10.) That I have a program
m--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-11-18T10:15:00.001-08:00

Sunday, November 16, 2008
Slept well, last night, awoke about 1am this morning, was alas a bit lazy. Rolled over took some more sleep in given I have a busy week upcoming. Dreamed about soaring down the California coast line on a motorcycle, and driving a bmw 5- series convertible.
Furthermore, I have two engagements today one with the Center Women Present, the other with As Bill CC’s IT Motorcycle group at the Alano Club which I am proudly once a member again.
Yesterday I went to the 24th and Florida fellowship and saw some drunk bum, make is hot Irish coffee in a fucking aa meeting.
Furthermore, I saw someone whom I put up there in my top 10 resentments about a month ago at the San Francisco Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center. Which I also found out my recent surge in my blogging is due to well individuals using my blog, and private intimate thoughts which I post publicly so in case I’m ever hurt or die or have a hate crime committed against me.
My family, friends, and those who care know what happened to me, or how I was feeling up to my end. It’s a safety net, and how I grow as a person.
Note to lawenfrocement: stay off my site, I am exercising my freedom of speech. My Informant in The Houston GLBTQ Community told me about your reading of my blog
I looked a place down in Bayview Hunters Point yesterday near the T line, It seemed ok, a queer, lesbian, Trans, gay frat house called the mansion.
Furthermore I am continuing to grow, and prosper, for example I found out that I don’t really like people. But yesterday I was less of a bitch, and selfish and was of service to a homeless Individual IN an AA meeting.
I also this morning after taking care of some banking matters, need to go to COSTCO and pickup crap for the potluck. I continue to grow, and be more of service, and less self centered, attention-whoreish, and less of a stuck up Barbie bitch.
Furthermore I marched yesterday in the protest to California’s Prop 8 to ban GLBTQ Marriage, and also may do something for Day Of Remembrance, I don’t go to such events typically Icebound, I might go to the movies alone, see W or Milk when it comes out.
This Friday, I made a complaint to the San Francisco Police Commission Office of citizen complains formally about my hate and problems out of the northern destruct station; we will see where the can of worms gets opened.

Had a good meeting this morning talked about my anger and resentment, and issues to why I had to leave Texas. If I had not left people would not have forgiven me, I left to start over and learn to move on when the problem was within, I just need to back the fuck off and let things be, live or let die.

The resentment and anger and why I can’t leave a certin individual alone, is due to my shame, guilt and remorse, I hurt a friend that tried to help me and I know cares about me, Im happy in san Francisco but miss having a life, truck, and home.

Gratitude List
1.) Know that my tough girl aptitude is a sign of fear, anger and resentment
2.) Know that my life is going to continue to become better
3.) Glad to be sober today
4.) Glad to have a program
5.) Glad to be able to let go of resentments
6.) Glad to be able to move on in life
7.) Glad to be alive
8.) Glad to have food, clothing, shelter, money in the bank
9.) Glad to be myself and self accepting
10.) Glad to be young, bold and beautiful.

The List
1.) Meeting at the Alano club
2.) Banking
3.) Pickup food for Alano club 3rd year birthday event
4.) Go to brunch with center women present
5.) Mail documents to Louisiana Dept of Treasury for unclaimed property
6.) Write e-mail to ray hill whom I look up to as another role model in my life
7.) Write letter to MLS & DLG.
8.) Perform engagements for clients
9.) Mail documents
10.) Send fax

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Slept well last night I continue to grow as an individual and young woman. My sponsor wants me to compose a document in ten sentences about resentment, my biggest fear and resentment is my bad blood between Christen Williams and others in Houston. There is a lot of shame, fear, anger, and self hatred.

I talked to My Father Martin Clark Gaetjens Yestedray and sent him a letter
“Dear Dad,

I forgot to mention that I do remember my mom, you and I hugging in the kitchen, I also have some odd childhood memories which don’t make since, and when you tell me that it makes me angry.
II wanted to tell you why I am so angry at you. I for obvious reasons am angry I did not grow up in California, I feel you failed me as a father, I also feel I was used and am angry at my mother as well. The foster care folks had some inclination that was Transgender, I also Hughie did also I was thought from a young age it was wrong. My mother has a lot to blame to.
You are getting older I want to know you on the phone you are a bit of a mystery to me, I think we have some common political views, I want to have a life with you at some point. I would like to go to family therapy, even if you pick the therapist, or at the pacific center in Berkeley, which I have some ties to as well, I love Berkeley.
I do have some memories of you and my mom fighting, and some things in the city of san Francisco with my mom and a few on Bart when I was tiny.

I don’t want to burden you or your new life or family, I am working on getting housed, I worked for a while for the DNC and the Obama campaign, I voted democrat for the first time in my life for a presidential election which I’ve been voting séance 2000.
I am working on finding a regular place, I have some documents which I am sending to martie, dan, and yiu which is a standard f care if I am injured with be rural requirements care for me due to being transgender, as well as a updated copy of my will.
I carry these documents due to violence against transgender women under 30 is not uncommon, I’ve also had over $5000 worth of Electro Hair removal preformed. I’ve been on Hormones as of 2005. I also know right now my life is a stressful and unmanageable.
I walked away from an apartment, a lot of my belongings due to needed to start over, I need the structure oof the shelters until the thing Im waiting for comes through, maybe some day I can tell you storys of some of the sick, sad and shameful things I have witnessed here. Nevertheless, I must remain humble to be successful.
I could get a room downtown in the Tenderloin, but being a prior domestic violence victim, and hate crime and being raped as well as hurting others, I need better. Nevertheless, I’m safe. I also have a leased mini storage and my truck outside the city which martie has info on, If I’m ever injured, killed or in a coma, I don’t want to be
I recently filed a report to the San Francisco Police Office of Citizen complaints due to some mistreatment when I lived with an ex in the Fillmore I was mugged and SFPD made racist, sexist, and trans-phobic remarks. I named names, and told my story to Internal Affairs.

I have lived a wonderful life, I met famous GLBT activist Ray Hill who runs the prisonshow.org on KPFT which is an affiliate of KPFA Pacifica Radio, whom is 50 years sober in Jan and a huge part of my story(the same ray hill in Houston VS Hill US Supreme court case) I met Famous Transsexual Layer Phyllis Frye, I met Mr. Lawrence as In Lawrence vs. Texas the first time I was in a gay bar drinking in 2005.

Furthermore I have met a few of the presidential canates on both parties, I’ve met Kinky Freeman, and campaigned for him, and voted for him, I’ve met Ralph Nader, Jessie Ventura, The elder bush, Clinton (Bill, Hilary, and Chelsea), I also met opera, dr Phil, I survived the largest natural disaster and engineering disaster in US History.
I met Mitt Romney, Allen Keys, John Kerry, I met many folks when I was a catering driver, and worked in a diner, a pizza driver, newspaper carrier. On the other hand, when evil wal-mart sent me to Louisiana, Texas, and across the US to do recovery work.
I am policaltly active with office work, I worked on the NO on prop 8, I still keep some of my Latter Day Saint roots. I have worked in the Equity Texas office, Pride Houston, Equity California, San Francisco PRIDE. I’ve been to PFLAG. I went door to door for Kinky.
I also have ties to a group called affirmation which is GLBTQ Mormons that have come out.

Katrina Made me a stronger person, 9-11 is personal to me due to my mother died shortly afterwards.I want you to try to get to know me, at some point, I walked away from a House, Truck, and other things to be happy and to make sure I have protections and equal rights, I messed up my life and almost died
I’ve had some interviews a one at Macys, one at best buy, one for Waldron House as an employee, another at Larkin Street Youth services as an employee. I’m writing to to make sure That I am not cut up and burred as a man, that’s my fear, Ill be ok, I shared with you my struggles and scrafances, and sorry for what I said about you, your wife, and other stuff.

I wanted to congratee you on your sobriety, it would be helpful if I could know your date, I also wanted to tell you the half hour we spent on church street is what I needed, I was really depressed and wanted to see you, it helped me more than you know.

7-13-2007 sobriety date.

I love you your daughter leigh

I ate good had to listen to some idiots talk about pot, sex, drugs and other bullshit and riff raff this morning, awoke at 1am, out by 4am, took care of business. Half ass got ready. Took care of life. Have food, clothing and slelter.

Loooked at a place recently, and met with my sponsor this morning, doing aa homework and other stuff today.
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

progress and finding zen and the art of motorcycles

2008-11-16T09:14:00.001-08:00

2008-11-13T08:58:00.001-08:00

Thursday, November 13, 2008
Slept well last night, doing laundry today, also going to work on brining LEEMCG.COM up to the new server and make a custom 404 error page. Im reinstalling some of the server modules, and extensions. I also have to bring up a few other things
I talked to Clair Fairly, and saw Jenna, at the TLGB center; I also spoke to someone and have a follow up leads to do. I worked on some issues with my program, I need to get out more and around, and will start working on that. I found something possibly a 3rd love interest in San Francisco, I don’t want to get my heart broken again, I’ll take things slower this time, without the U-Haul Metaphorically speaking.
Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual, my heart is in Information Tech, but Non Profits are where I want to be or a civil servant. I admire those who serve the public trust, and do good deeds where a lot of need is to be done in San Francisco.
I’ve managed to dodge some of the common pitfalls some individuals make here off and on, But continue to grow, after laundry today I have a drop or two to make as well. I also have other things I need to do at POS, and issues and logistics to iron out.
Moreover, I need to be less outgoing and annoying, and also work on my social issues, and trauma, and pain and agony in my heart. Somewhat I am reluctant to let go of manners, it’s what keeps me motive and such a hard worker and push myself so hard.
I think I am going to start volunteering someplace, and I took an orientation someplace, I also have some files to back up as well (Think DVD-R & DVD+RW)
Furthermore, I have been thinking of life, myself and where I want to be in a few years, I am going to cut some areas out but also keep some, I’ve also thought of some finical matters, and my fathers hatred of me, but also love, even if obscure.
I have séance moved on, I have been having much delight in my progress with my electrosist whom has been working wonders, I have about half way where I need to be and it helps a lot,
I also am tired of facing persuction, based on other TG folks actions, demeanor and hate and think most transgender folks in this city have other issues to iron out, and showing your 5 o’clock shadow is fucking disgusting.
For example threes this one girl whom we dislike each other dearly, she pisses like a fucking man in a women’s bathroom, in public city government owned building and I have witnessed her do this many times before , private that’s just fucking nasty and disgusting. One time I was shaken down due to something she did in a public building and proudly displayed my F Drivers License to a law enforcement officer that was responding to complaints of “men dressed as women harassing in the bathroom”
Whom this officer, took me for a “witness lineup” which I was cleared of doing “obscene sexual acts ”and committing “criminal trespass” and “various sex crimes” the fact that SFPD hates TG folks or some of them do, I don’t blame them for stereotypes, given the trash they have to put up with.
If I was a cop, Id problem just be as pissed off with queers, trans-women, homeless and all the shit SFPD has to put up with in bay view, the tenderloin, hunters point, the mission and just law enforcement bullshit amongst them selves, and as a cop day to day. Its why I like cops in general, seriously I would love to date a really butch cop.
But I’m always nice, and avoid law enforcement interactions as much as humanly possible, and they for the most part respect me, and I’ve been told by one sometimes “bad things happen to nice good people”
Its interesting and fascinates me to see the generation gap in Law Enforcement and how the treat and deal with Transgender women, we are lucky to have someone as the president of the police commission such as commissioner sparks which by the way is a Trans-woman. Whom I bump into on occasion, on the street, in the Castro, pacific heights, and even inside a police station when I was filing a report or going to with someone to file a report as a friend of bill Wilson
Another Example of disgusting transgender behavior, is voice pitch, demeanor, and mannerisms, it’s no wonder this disgusting woman or so called woman, who had a drug and drinking problem and violates he body by having sex with men.
I don’t understand how (pre-op) Transgender women could disgustingly sleep with yuck Boys, I have my orientation but Like trans-men, at least we have something in common, and trans-women (post-ops) and women. Nevertheless, I do not use women’s places of scanty nor have I ever sold my body, nor done illegal drugs.
The other point is when I drink or go out there which today is sixteen months as of 7-13-2007 when desperate for a solution I walked into the doors of Lambda Center in Houston, Texas. Furthermore, It’s a mile stone one day at a time, this January I will have 18 months sober, and also be celebrating my twenty eighth natal birthday.
Furthermore, I have not had any nightmares but have a topic to discuss with my therapist today regarding my Post-Traumatic Stress. I have an issue to discuss with her about something I noticed about myself and a way to relax and some part of my trauma that’s affecting my day to day life.
I have a love interest possibly, that’s puzzling me and how that relates to my recovery more about this later.
Gratitude List
1.) Grateful to be alive
2.) Grateful to have folks with something in common, and my our lady of safe way fellowship
3.) Grateful to be myself
4.) Grateful to be in San Francisco
5.) Grateful to be emotionally secure
6.) Grateful to have a sponsor
7.) Grateful to have food, clothing, shelter and money in the bank
8.) Grateful to have my basic needs met
9.) Grateful to be in control of my life
10.) Grateful to be secure in myself

The list
1.) Meeting
2.) Do homework
3.) Make mental note to acquire file cabinet for space
4.) Make note to FedEx items to DLG plus X-Mass Gifts
5.) Laundry
6.) Perform research for clients
7.) Continue to grow and let people in
8.) Pray to my own personal goddess
9.) Write letter to San Francisco Chronicle
10.) Work on e-mail, website, leemcg.com, banking, payments, improving my life

It also soon marks a 6 months séance becoming legally female, in some retrospects, and other mannerisms. I still have a long way to go. In addition, going legit is hard; I see why the power, money, fortune, fame, and my sickness is what got me here.

By golly! I would not have it any other way for I am Leigh McInnis Gaetjens
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-11-09T13:01:00.003-08:00

Sunday, November 09, 2008
Slept rather well, awoke last night in one of my obscure dreams, but was not bad, just a bit twisted. I than got up around 1:30 out of bed by 2 am, cleaned up showered for about an half hour did my stretch workout routine, before 3am, than did my hygiene and grooming.
I dreamed of driving professionally, I dreamed of driving some freight from the port of the city of angels, to space city and making amends and being welcomed this is many years down the road from reality but still a distant possibility to become able to achieve one again if I remain on the straight and narrow path in life.
Furthermore, I’ve been thinking of what I want to discuss with LR Next week, and I have some past due homework to work on today, I sent off four resume and cover sheets yesterday to two non profits, one nonprofit that resells tech stuff, that’s off lease from corporate clients, who is like a broker in a call center. I also sent a few off for working with kids.
Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual and will follow up with Larkin Street Youth Services with the interview I had. The economy stinks, and the cost of living I am watching rise in San Francisco become even worse, fuel costs remain lower than but not as low as my youth.
Moreover, recently I’ve been thinking of my relatshionship with my father whom happens to live in San Francisco. My father and I in adult hood and lacking in childhood have a rocky relationship, and lacking, we are completely different people, and individuals with different backgrounds, beliefs, though we do share some common viewpoints.
I would like to get to know my father he is becoming older, Martin Clark Gaetjens, is a bit of a mysterious to me, and I would like to get to know him before, he dies, which happens one day as Gavin Newsom says ”whither we like it or not, it’s going to happen”.
The point is I do not with my father to remain a dark chapter in my life; my father is I’m sure a good person such as myself whom made some mistakes. He’s pretty cool with me well, being me the problem is more so my angry at Him and myself and lash out at him as I usually do.
I continue to grow as a person, and well as an individual. I realized I’m selfish, and cold-hearted and empty inside. The best thing my father told me is its ok to be angry, and upset, I was too my first few years, I want to invite him to a birthday party maybe with his new wife when I turn two years.
I got hit on by a guy this morning whom grabbed my arm, I also had a rude obnchodis despite guy in star bucks make a pass at me,

Gratitude List
1.) Grateful that I am alive
2.) Grateful to have friends, and family and people that care about me.
3.) Grateful to have food, clothing and shelter.
4.) Grateful to be alive
5.) Grateful yeah
6.) Grateful
7.)

The list
1.) Send thank you cards
2.) Make x-mass plans, and thanksgiving plans
3.) Send out resume, and applications
4.) Prepare for availed
5.) Apply for full time work
6.) Send out resume
7.) Replace phone charger
8.)

--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger

2008-11-09T13:01:00.001-08:00

2008-11-08T14:13:00.000-08:00

Saturday, November 08, 2008

The Reality is I slept well last night, was a bit taken back ill more recently, I used to be and in someways am the most right wing, cowgirl, cigar smoking right wing nut job, but I’m a redneck and I voted for obama.

Furthermore, I continue to grow as an individual, Ive been thinking about my life. I also wanted to annoce the official transfer to of the LEEMCG FAMILY OF SITES, from my old host which was outdated, and I had long out grown their services, I moved to a new ISP I did have some data lost, but Im re doing my site, and am glad to be rid of my old host.

I also am installing new server based tools, and php, applications for my server. I also am planning a San Francisco resource board, for the San Francisco Transgender community simualr to transhouston.com and trueselves.com.

Furthermore I continue to grow as an person,

Grattuide List
1.) That I am sober today and have been for almost 2 years
2.) That I have people who care about me
3.) That I am alive
4.) That I have folks whom
--
Leigh "LEE" McInnis Gaetjens
Ind Contractor / Web Mistress leemcg.com
PO Box 425081
San Francisco, CA 94142
mcinnisleegaetjens@gmail.com
(713) 578-0016
http://mlgaetjens.livejournal.com (blog)
http://mlgaetjens.photobucket.com (photos)
http://www.leemcg.com/ (Website)
http://www.transitioningfemale.com/ (blog simulcast untill transfered to moveable type)
mlgaetjens- yahoo messenger
mlgaetjens2038 - aim/aol messenger